“Hey Winner winner, love that chicken dinner, put it in a briefcase to go!” – Max the Axe, “Next Plane to Vegas”
WE HAVE A WINNER the Max the Axe CD draw! Congratulations to…
Way to go Leah! She was even able to name Max the Axe by his real name, Mike Koutis! We’re not saying she had any help with this, but even if she did, it wasn’t against the rules!
Your Max the Axe Status Electric CD and Nancy Vicious button are on their way!*
* Mail strike notwithstanding!
The Boathouse was rocked again this past weekend as Max and his legendary Axe stormed the place with heavy riffing, some friends, and a brand new album called Status Electric.
Opening the show was singer was former Max singer Mickey Straight (“from Guatemala” as he was introduced, but I think Guatemala is Toronto). Mickey has a rock star stage presence and together with Max the Axe, they played some of their oldies such as “Mutant Mind” and “Belljar Party”. Mickey played bass as a trio with Max and Dr. Dave Haslam on drums, which we quickly learned was going to be a common theme going forward.
Second up was the biggest surprise of the night: Nancy Vicious and the Nasty Bitches. Punk rock was expected, and punk rock we had (including some Pistols and Stooges with originals). On drums…the newly rebranded “God Damn Dave” Haslam. Guitarist Mike “Mitch Bitch” Mitchell surprised us by ripping off his shirt revealing a corset. But the real surprise was Nancy Vicious herself, a young powerhouse with lungs of fucking stainless steel. Classic punk mixed with new-breed bands like Dilly Dally. I learned that Nancy has been playing the bars for years, though only 19 years old. No CDs for sale unfortunately — Nancy told me their first album was “really bad” but that they are working on a second one with (hopefully) about 13 songs. They did have merch for sale in the way of stickers, buttons and postcards.
We were under the impression that the Hellen Keller Band had changed their name to the Delusionals. This was Fake News. What is the Hellen Keller Band? An instrumental trio led by Mike Mitchell on guitar, God Damn Dr. Dave on bass, and Eric “Uncle Meat” Litwiller on drums. Mitchell’s incredible picking was quite stunning to watch. He’s got chicken pickin’ going on, and plenty of ability. And it turns out Dr. Dave is even better on bass than he is on drums. This trio was plenty of fun to watch, as they mixed covers and originals. They closed the set with a blistering Dead Kennedys “Holiday in Cambodia”.
Finally the game of Musical Chairs came to the end when Max the Axe hit the stage. Lineup: Max on lead guitar, with Eric Litwiller’s voice, Dr. Dave’s drums and Mike Mitchell’s bass. He played his entire new album, the stellar Status Electric in sequence with a break in the middle. Now, we’ve been quite clear here how great Status Electric is. Hearing it played live for the first time? Brilliant.
Litwiller opened up his powerful lungs on “River Grand”, a grungy rocker. He blasted consistently through all of “side one” while Max ripped hot licks on his Axe. After the vocal tour-de-force “Sick of Living”, they played “Mexican Standoff” from Trillion Dollar Threats, some Black Flag, and then gave Litwiller a break as Mickey Straight was invited back for two oldies. “Daddy Was a Murderin’ Man” and “I Don’t Advocate Drugs” (also Trillion Dollar Threats) were a treat. The final side of the Status Electric album was then laid out, with “Gods on the Radio” and “Scales of Justice” being the obvious best tracks. Unfortunately by this time all four band members had already played full sets with other bands, and they flubbed a few lines in “Uptite Friday Night” and “Scales”. Not that this detracted from the show. It seemed everybody was aware of how hard these guys had been playing all night!
4.5/5 stars
How, you ask, do I win?
It’s simple! Just answer the easy question below by submitting it directly on the form. All correct answers will be put in a hat and one lucky winner will be drawn at random! Please remember to include your complete mailing address so we can send your prize!*
QUESTION: Name all four current members of Max the Axe.
This contest will run for one week, from December 10 to December 17, when we will draw the winner.
Good luck!
*Disclaimer: Canada Post is on strike and we can make no delivery guarantees.
Heed the “Call of the Wild”! Max and his legendary Axe are hitting the Boathouse in Kitchener TONIGHT (57 Jubilee Drive, Kitchener, Ontario) for the release of his sixth record Status Electric. Though a late arrival in 2018, Status Electric is so bloody good that it’s likely to (spoiler?) make our Top 5 of 2018 list. When nine songs get stuck in your head for weeks on end, that’s a good sign.
Opening acts include Mickey Straight (ex-Max the Axe singer), Nancy Vicious and the Nasty Bitches, and The Delusionals (formerly the Hellen Keller Band).
$5 at the door, $10 for a CD.
If you’re anywhere near the “River Grand”, you won’t need the “Next Plane to Vegas” to join Max the Axe at the Boathouse. Even “Randy” may be there, screaming the “Call of the Wild”. If you are “Sick of Living”, don’t go to “The Other Side”! “You Gotta” go to the Boathouse instead. If you had an “Uptite Friday Night” then the best cure will be to rock with Max on Saturday. Witness the “Scales of Justice” tip forever in Max’s favour.
At the very least, you’ll hear the cautionary tale of why “Only a fool owns a deadly snake, let alone two.” That’s how it goes…so go to the Boathouse and catch them live.
STYX – Regeneration Volume II (2011 Eagle Rock)
Long nights, impossible odds? If you wanna discuss impossible odds, then let’s discuss re-recording your old hits. It’s not usually a good idea. In Styx’s case, it gave them a chance to sell some product while out on tour, but the new versions are no replacements for the old.
“Blue Collar Man” has that big fat organ riff, but it’s…different. Technology can’t reproduce magic, and the original “Blue Collar Man” was pure magic. It’s also missing Dennis DeYoung’s inimitable backing vocals. The current Styx sure can sing, but Dennis’ voice was a big part of the chorus. “Renegade” is more successful. Todd Sucherman really stretches out on the drums. The kid’s got talent!
James Young’s “Miss America” has more bite than the original. “Snowblind” benefits from the re-recording, having more depth now. Styx also get points for redoing “Queen of Spades”, now starring Lawrence Gowan. Styx have plenty of hits, but just as important to fans are the deeper cuts. Any time they get a little more spotlight is a good time. “Queen of Spades” rocks regally, riffy and progressive. “Boat on a River” is pretty authentic to the original, while “Too Much Time on My Hands” has some different keyboard flare. Both are worthy inclusions. This isn’t to say any of these versions are superior to the originals. That’s impossible. This is just to say they are enjoyable to listen to.
The bait to buy the re-recordings are two Damn Yankees songs: “Coming of Age” and (of course) “High Enough”. Styx have been known to perform “High Enough” in concert, but what are they like without Jack Blades and Ted Nugent? Surprisingly good. Styx can handle the singing, and James Young can riff and wail with the best of ’em. “High Enough” in particular sounds great. Lush and with more balls.
Interestingly enough, it looks like all the guys recorded their parts in different studios, all over the place. Gowan was recorded in Toronto, and of interest to Rush fans is that Terry Brown co-engineered his parts. The marvels of the modern world.
3/5 stars
STYX – Regeneration Volume I (2010 Eagle Rock)
I know what you’re thinking. “Styx re-recordings? Why the hell do I need those?”
You don’t. That’s why they added a new song (“Difference in the World”) exclusive to this set.
Initially, the EP Regeneration Volume I was sold exclusively online and at Styx concerts, but it was reissued with Volume II to regular retail as a double CD set. Volume II has its own exclusives, which will be discussed in a separate review. Aside from the cleaner sound, the most obvious difference is the more modern drumming by Todd Sucherman. Original drummer John Panozzo had his own style and the difference is obvious. That’s neither good nor bad; just an observation.
“Difference in the World” is a melancholy but good song. Styx have a lot of good songs. Tommy Shaw wrote another one. There you go.
“The Grand Illusion” features singer Lawrence Gowan on an old Dennis DeYoung classic. Considering how long Gowan has been with Styx now (almost 20 years!), it is justifiable to re-record old songs with him on a low-key release such as this. It’s harder to justify Tommy Shaw’s “Sing For the Day” and “Fooling Yourself” which are damn near note-for-note accurate to the originals. Tommy’s orchestral re-imaginings on his solo live album Sing For the Day! are a lot more interesting. The biggest difference are Gowan’s backing vocals. Put these versions in a Styx shuffle and they won’t be too obtrusive.
James Young takes the lead on “Lorelei”. Of the re-recordings, “Lorelei” is clearly the best. Dennis DeYoung sang the original, but James sings it live today since he’s the co-writer. Doing a studio version with James is more than justified. “Crystal Ball” is still as epic as it ever was, but has more edge with modern production. The guitar solo is to die for.
What about “Come Sail Away”? Unnecessary and perhaps detrimental to this EP. Doing it live without Dennis is one thing. It’s not a song you want to leave a Styx concert without hearing. Gowan’s fine, but redoing this one in the studio can never live up to the original in any way, and you’re digging your own hole by even trying. Magic cannot be recreated, only imitated.
3/5 stars
MAX THE AXE – Status Electric (2018 Mutant Music)
Two simple words: “You gotta”.
Max the Axe is back with possibly his most potent lineup yet. Led by Max and his thrilling axe, the band now boasts Dr. David Haslam on drums, Mike Mitchell on bass, and powerhouse lead vocalist Eric “Uncle Meat” Litwiller.
Full disclosure: I know these guys. I love these guys. But I also just love hard rock and heavy metal. So, out of integrity, I swear that if I did not like their new album, Status Electric, I would be straight up and tell you. But I do like it. A lot. How much of that is due to friendship? I don’t know. Read the review and decide for yourself. This is a good album. I have bought way worse albums, for way more money.
I’ll give you some honesty right from the start. “River Grand” is a good song, but not for an opener. I rarely like when an album opens on a slow grind like this. It’s enough to throw some people, but the song kicks by chorus time. Eric Litwiller pours it all on, his lead vocal being the highlight of the track. What’s he sound like? He’s like an amalgam of many. You can hear some Tenacious D, some Anvil, some Maiden.
As for Max, his solos are simple, memorable and to the point. Pure rock and roll with a side of Ace Frehley. His lyrics almost steal the spotlight though, as many are clever for the genre, and catchy as fuck. “Next Plane to Vegas” is one such example, a pure blast…win place or show.
Who is “Randy”? What’s your real name, Randy? One of the weirdest choruses you’ll ever hear also happens to be one of the catchiest. I can’t help it though. I was sitting at my desk going, “Randy! Randy! What’s your name, Randy?” Musically, we’re at debut-album Maiden, or reasonably close to it. This is one of two semi-epic tracks on the album.
Max the Axe goes pop metal on “Call of the Wild”, nothing but a Motley Rokken good time. The decent chorus is mashed up with a verse that doesn’t quite mesh. But then things go full-on metal with “Sick of Living”. This fuel-injected track has Eric singing at his most Bayley with a dash of Dickinson. Litwiller’s roots include thrash metal, and there are healthy doses of that along with his best David St. Hubbins screams. “Sick of Living” smokes the competition, besting several tracks on the great new Judas Priest album! More great metal: “The Other Side”. The lead riff sounds as if bequeathed by Lord Iommi himself, with a modern slice. And like any good Iommi track, it boasts two solid riffs, and a smokingly Sabbath solo.
Sometimes you hear an album and know right away which song should be the single. That is “Gods on the Radio”. Punctuation error aside, this track is winning 110%. It shall henceforth be known as “You Gotta”, since that is the vocal hook that will be rattling inside your head for days. The lyrics (Litwiller’s first writing credit) are borderline genius for being so goddamn memorable.
God’s on the radio,
With the world in his video,
Phil Collins in the studio,
Phil Collins in the Su-su-su-su-sudio.
The song itself is punky Queens of the Stone Age, with vintage 1977 Ace Frehley lead guitar and maybe a hint of Mike Patton. Yes, this is the single, absolutely. I’ll say it’s one of the best songs to come out this year. At least, if the amount it’s stuck in my head is anything to judge by. In fact I’m gonna go back and play it again. “You gotta,” as the man says.
Yeah, even on repeat listens, it remains as fun as the first. I only wish for a better sounding recording; it would be brilliant with full-on studio fidelity. “You gotta turn it up louder,” says the man, so that helps.
Garage rock is embodied with the sloppy “Uptite Friday Nite”. Stupidly catchy, it’s not one of the best tracks but it’s the noisiest. This is the kind of jam you’d put on before going out for the night. It sounds like the guys shoutin’ out the chorus are already halfway there.
The second, and superior album epic is “Scales of Justice”, Litwiller’s other co-write. Vintage 1976-era Judas Priest (circa Sad Wings) meets a slick Zeppelin groove. Jimmy Page definitely sounds like an influence in parts, while others are jagged riffs of metal. Max uses his Axe to carve music from pure granite, and it’s all very satisfying. The song snakes in and out with different sections and grooves. As a closer it is suitably climactic and leaves you wanting more.
I played some tracks for some friends. One disagreed with my praise of “You Gotta” and thought “Scales of Justice” was far better. Another commented, “You know what this sounds like? A bunch of 40 year olds in a basement.” And I responded, “What’s wrong with that?” Here are some guys in their 40s that are still passionate about rock, and after many years, have written a collection of nine good songs. With regular-Joe money, they made an album. And it’s a good album. I hear things on this album that keep me coming back. I ask myself, “am I biased”? Of course I am. But I wouldn’t have to listen to it if I didn’t want to. I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve played this album in totality. It’s a lot. You don’t do that unless you like it. Whatever it is that I am hearing on Status Electric by Max the Axe, I can only hope that you can hear it too.
4/5 stars
It’s not about the candy! It’s Halloween Wednesday again, so here’s HOLEN MaGROIN with the next in his series of Halloween themed reviews.
Oct 3: Soundgarden – Screaming Life/Fopp EPs
Oct 10: Batman / Batman Returns movie reviews
FASTWAY – Trick or Treat Original Music Score (1986 Columbia)
Some albums excel by being excellent; Trick or Treat is not one of those albums. It excels because of its banality. There’s nothing on this album that you’ve never heard before, but the band sells it with such conviction that you buy into about as much as the band itself does. This is the soundtrack to the best forgotten 1986 film starring no one worth remembering, with a couple of cameos from Gene Simmons and Ozzy Osbourne. The film was such a dud that once it was released on DVD, they changed the cover to feature the faces of Simmons and Osbourne despite the two of them being in the film for a collective total of about five minutes. The journey I went through listening to this album impacted me in such a way that I feel obligated to elaborate on it here, and that journey will essentially act as the review. I didn’t intentionally go anywhere while listening to this album; the music was such a powerful agent that it literally shattered the very fabric of space and time. The film is not as strong.
However, this review isn’t about that film. This is about the Fastway soundtrack to the film. You’d think a band taking on a film as gloriously moronic as this one would whip up some tracks that were appropriately tongue in cheek, but nope. Fastway plays it 100% straight, which actually makes it funnier than if they’d been going for laughs. The songs that follow are a complete artistic tour de force that will leave your soul shaken by the depth and insightful words of automatic poetry.
The first time I heard the opening song and title track, I pooped my pants.* The song’s unparalleled emotion and tenacity penetrated the very depths of my being, and left me quivering unequivocally with raw radiant emotion. The spiritual rebirth was enough to temporarily reset my bowels back to their earliest stages, causing a stinky disturbance. Joy mixed with sorrow as the cool tears streamed down my face like a river from the ice caves of the indigenous population of Mars. The deep prose of the chorus commanded deeper attention, as Dave King eloquently belted out the most imaginative lines in all of rock. “Rock and roll! Rockin’ on at midnight, steal your soul!” So much can be determined from the hermetic intangibility of this expertly crafted piece of macaroni and songwriting. Never before has a rock vocalist journeyed to such spiritual and internal truths. This has elevated to a level beyond art, beyond comprehension, beyond all human understanding! It has encompassed all the ostentatious pretension and grandeur of the art world, while maintaining a close link to the blue collar worker! This is a work of God!
By the time the song is over, my hands are bloody from the sheer force with which I was gripping my security blanket. My nails dug through the blanket into my fist. My material possessions (except the stereo and the blanket) had burned up in the intensity, as music so self-aware could only be absorbed by living tissue. I feel so weak that I can barely discern the ends of the blanket from my fragile body. I press pause on my CD player, and I begin to cry. After a healthy drink of water, I decide to venture on to the next potential masterpiece, and continue on with my expedition into the brilliantly alluring tapestry of the Fastway facade. The opening chords of “After Midnight” burst out of my speakers directly into my chest, and they blow me into another dimension.
I awoke in an alternate reality where candy was made of fish, and fish were made of candy in the chocolate river of wind city sticks. A man dressed like a woman and a woman dressed like a woman approached me and gifted me a dishwasher. A balding wildflower called my name and I decided to investigate his store front. He was selling music, but only two albums. Those two albums were a copy of Steve Vai’s Flex-Able, and Pearl Jam’s Vitalogy. Considering the fact that it was Fastway that knocked me into another dimension, it was weird getting this musical inception to other artists’ records. The orange label on the Vai album began to swallow me, and my spirit was floating above my unconscious body as I returned to my room, hovering over my body as Fastway played. My spirit re-entered my body as I discovered I had soiled myself again. What high art!
After a quick attire substitution, and a breeze through the mediocrity of the song “Don’t Stop the Fight”, “Stand Up” began to emanate from the speakers. The ceiling shattered as I was abducted by alien people that looked like Jon Bon Jovi and Sam Kinison fused their DNA together. They drank wine like classy sophisticates. Fastway is the only music good enough to satisfy their cultural needs, and they intended to harvest my Fastway collection, but I was able to fight them off by comparing their acting skills to Rob Lowe’s. As they nursed their bruised egos, I leapt out of the spaceship and slid down the rainbow from the clouds of snow and weather pulses.
I went on a series of comparable journeys throughout the process of listening to the album, with tribal incantations and aristocratic meat loaf simulators, but nothing could prepare me for the climatic showdown induced by the closing track masterpiece “If You Could See”. Apparently, the reason that Fastway was able to lift itself to such scholarly levels of uncompromising respectability is because the band wasn’t a band at all. Fastway was a hype mind suffering from malignant narcissism due to a computer virus uploaded into the mainframe by a ghost bearing a striking resemblance to Herbert Marcuse. The hype mind was designed to make the greatest music imaginable that would only reveal itself to the chosen one. I guess I was the chosen one. Luckily the hype mind was printing dot matrix still, and was running on a Pentium processor from the ‘90s. I was able to overload it by switching the computer date to 2000. Y2K! Escaping the area would manage to be the greatest magic trick I was able to conjure upon the underpopulated document absence of consequential thought and sound devised by the penultimate direct access line to the semi permeable ancestors of the Pagan worship center of healthcare management fiscal responsibility drones. To combat the territorial dipping sauce from the entrée dessert filibuster mustard, swans arose from the pie crust to entrench the moon beams of reflective solar glares in Jimmy Stewart fashion. And that’s how I escaped!
So in the end the album was only a half-baked set of ideas that didn’t quite measure up to the level of the first two Fastway albums, but easily left the third album in the dust. I trust you were able to ascertain that from my last paragraph, but I may as well summarize for clarity’s sake. There are enough inspired moments on this release to merit owning it as a good enough novelty Halloween disc, but if it didn’t have the gimmick of being attached the holiday there would be little reason to own this. It’s pretty generic ‘80s rock, with Dave King sounding like a hybrid between Jack Russell of Great White and Kevin DuBrow of Quiet Riot. However, sometimes generic can hit the spot if you’re not sure what specific flavor you want, and the holiday connections make it go down with a little less guilt. “Hold on to the Night” knocks off half a point for being maddeningly repetitive, but it gains that half point back for not sucking as much as the movie it’s featured in.
Score: 3/5 (Smashing?) Pumpkins
THE DARKNESS – Live at Hammersmith (2018 Canary Dwarf)
“Gimme a D! Gimme an arkness!” It’s long overdue, but the world is now the better for it: the first live album by The Darkness! Including a few quality B-sides, The Darkness had enough strong songs for a live album back in 2006. Time waits for no band, but now they’ve got an even hotter selection of hits and deep cuts to draw from, and Live at Hammersmith boasts 19 of ’em on a single CD. Sorry Japan, no bonus tracks for you.
All five Darkness albums and some classic non-LP singles are sourced, and what a collection it is. A lot of the newer material on stage consist of the heaviest songs: “Buccaneers of Hispaniola”, “Southern Trains” and “Barbarian” are like lead, but propelled at the speed of sound! The oldies span all shades of Darkness, from the hardest cut stones (“Black Shuck”) to the cushioning of a ballad (“Love is Only a Feeling”).
It seems to be, by and large, all the best stuff. “Givin’ Up”, “Growing On Me”, “One Way Ticket”, “Friday Night”, and the two big hits “Get Your Hands off My Woman” and “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” are present and accounted for. The last three albums are also represented, and as good as they are, it’s the old stuff that thrills most.
That includes “Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End)” from this seasonal Hammersmith gig. Maybe it’s those giant dual guitars, but this one has always seemed to work all year ’round. It’s just a glorified Thin Lizzy riff with a high-pitched singer, and that works winter, spring, summer and fall.
Speaking of the singer, Justin Hawkins has maintained his one-of-a-kind voice and range over all these years, unlike virtually every other homo sapiens on the planet. Let’s start a conspiracy theory right here that he is an alien, because the voice is just inhuman.
Would have loved “Last of Our Kind”, though that’s a minor complaint.
Hammersmith fell to the Darkness that night. Now you can relive it in your headphones, or home theatre, as it were.
4.5/5 stars
STYX – Caught in the Act – Live (1984 A&M, 2018 BGO reissue)
“Hey everybody it’s Music Time!”
Sorta, anyway! Styx were just about toast after “Mr. Roboto“, and Tommy Shaw didn’t want to sing any more songs about androids. (Mars, however, was fine.) He departed to check out some Girls With Guns, but not before Styx put out one more product before hiatus. That would be the traditional double live album, which was actually Styx’s first.
Styx have lots of live albums now, but only two with Dennis DeYoung. Caught in the Act is essential for a few key reasons. It sounds great although there are clearly overdubs in places. It is the only one with the classic lineup of DeYoung/Shaw/James “JY” Young/Chuck Panozzo/John Panozzo. And it has plenty of classic Styx songs that still shake the radio waves today.
Like many live albums, Caught in the Act contained one new song. Dennis DeYoung wrote the uppity “Music Time”, a very New Wave single without much of the punch of old Styx. Shaw was so nauseated that he barely participated in the music video. “Music Time” isn’t one of Styx’s finest songs. It’s passable but clearly a misstep. No wonder it was a final straw of sorts for Tommy Shaw.
With that out of the way, on with the show. Styx opened the set with “Mr. Roboto”, a mega hit that got a bad rap over the years until nostalgia made it OK to like it again. Fortunately only two songs from Kilroy Was Here were included, the ballad “Don’t Let It End” being the other. Live, “Roboto” pulses with energy, far more than you would expect. The disco-like synthetic beats complement the techno-themed lyrics. Every hook is delivered with precision. With the human factor that comes out in a live recording, “Roboto” could be one of those songs that is actually better live.
Styx have always been a diverse act, and this album demonstrates a few sides of the band. Shaw and Young tended to write rockers, and “Too Much Time On My Hands”, “Miss America”, “Snowblind”, “Rockin’ the Paradise” and especially “Blue Collar Man” are prime examples of the best kind. Long nights, impossible odds…yet a killer set of rock tunes. Then there are the ballads. “Babe” is a slow dancing classic, and “The Best of Times” is even better. Finally, the tunes that verge on progressive epics: “Suite Madame Blue”, “Crystal Ball” and “Come Sail Away” have the pompous complexity that punk rockers hated so much. This album is a shining live recreation of some of rock’s most beloved music.
The 2018 CD reissue on BGO Records sounds brilliant with depth, and has a nice outer slipcase. You’ll also get a nice thick full colour booklet with photos and an essay that goes right up to 2017’s The Mission. BGO is a well known, respected label. This reissue is a must.
4.5/5 stars
A kinda-sorta retelling from a different perspective of Part 258: Uncle Meat
GETTING MORE TALE #704: Battle of the Bands
Poor George. He really wanted to be in a band. Rob Szabo had a band. He was just starting out with one of the neighbour kids. He even had two original tunes (I remember one was called “The Stroll” and I can still hum it). George really wanted to be in Rob’s band. He hung out at their basement rehearsals and watched them play. Rob would teach him things. They needed a bass player.
George secretly saved his money, and eventually bought a bass. Rob was horrified. He didn’t want George in his band, he wanted a musician who already knew how to play music. He didn’t want to have to teach the bass player how to play bass. He also felt terribly guilty, because George bought the bass specifically because Rob needed a bass player!
I can remember George playing Rob’s tape to the girl he liked. “That’s us!” he said. “That’s my band.” He wasn’t on the recording at all.
Like a kid who didn’t know how to break up with his girlfriend, Rob took a while to tell George he was “out” of the band. When he did, George was not deterred. He just went it alone. He taught himself how to play by playing along to records. He studied Steve Harris and Gene Simmons who quickly became his favourite bassist. He practiced all the time. I know, because we could hear him from our house. We laughed about it, because George also attempted to sing.
He eventually got pretty good at bass; good enough anyway for the bar band scene. He would never be any good at singing, although that hardly stopped him, and you have to respect that.
In the summer time, George took his amp outside and played for anybody who happened to be around. He loved to play, “Guess this song from the bassline!” Not an easy game when I didn’t know many songs yet myself. I had a few albums, but I’d only been into rock and roll for a couple years. Every bassline sounded the same to me.
“Guess this one”! Durm durm durm durm. Durm durm durm durm.
“Uhh, I dunno, ‘Shout It Out Loud’?”
“No, it’s ‘Love Gun!'”
George finished highschool, but I was just beginning. It was there I saw my first Battle of the Bands. I sat with Bob Schipper, Rob Daniels and the gang at lunch watching the bands play. Rob Szabo had a band called Under 550 — the total body weight of the four members. Even in highschool, it was obvious Rob had real talent. There were all the other bands, and then there was Under 550. He was levels above the others. He could play “YYZ”. I’d never even heard of “YYZ” (though I’d seen those letters on my parents’ luggage tags). There was only one clear winner and that was Under 550. It was obvious to everyone. They would be going to the regionals at the Humanities Theatre.
Rob Szabo on the left
Bob and I got our tickets. We went with neighborhood friends Scott Peddle and Todd Meyer. The four of us sat together and waited giddily. Not only was Rob Szabo playing, but so was George. He joined a band called Zephyr (no relation to the other Zephyr), and they were on the bill. I planned my catcalls.
George always told me he wanted to play “I Love It Loud”, and introduce it by saying to the crowd: “How do you like your music? Well I love it loud!” I hoped and prayed he was going to do that.
Each band got two songs. We waited through noise bands like Stomach Acid and F.U.H.Q., who had the plug pulled early for swearing. We waited through boring acoustic and pop crapola. There was one group that rocked really fucking hard. I wasn’t into thrash, and these guys were heavy. A group of bangers came down to the front row and started banging their heads to the thrash! You could see the long hair flailing. I didn’t know the singer, but many years later I found out his name was Eric. But nobody calls him Eric. Today they just call him Uncle Meat. The Legendary Uncle Meat.
Meat
Truth is, his band was too scary for a 14 year old me!
On came Zephyr. “You suck George!” I yelled, with Scott joining me. He ignored us, or couldn’t hear us. It didn’t matter, Scott and I were laughing so hard!
Sadly, George did not play “I Love It Loud”. Zephyr disbanded a little after, with George again going solo.
Rob stacked the deck for the regionals. Under 550 added a lead singer, and became Over 550 for this one night. Though they didn’t win, they ranked high. Uncle Meat and George went home empty-handed, but with memories etched forever.
The winners of that event? The now-somewhat-but-not-really-legendary Gordie Gordo and the G Men, featuring Sausagefester Scottie G, on the not-very-well played guitar! $100 dollar first prize which went promptly towards a mic stand.
We laughed on the way home at our witty catcalls like “Don’t fall over George!”
And that, friends, is why my highschool years were better than yours.
mikeladano.com 