Thank you to Thor Blackmore for this CD!

PRETTY MAIDS – Red, Hot and Heavy (1984 Sony)

I ignored Pretty Maids when I first heard of the band.  “Pretty Maids?  What kind of name is that?”  Shallow kid stuff, but impactful, because now in 2024 this is my first real listen to Pretty Maids with intent.  Red, Hot and Heavy was the debut album for the Danish hard rock band, after a self-titled EP in ’83.  The six-piece band had some moderate success with the album, so let’s have a listen.

Opener “Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi” is actually an excerpt from Carl Orf’s “Carmina Burana”, and is credited as such on the back.  It’s just a few seconds.  The real opener is “Back to Black”, a scorching metal number with tempo and riffs sharpened and at the ready.  The raspy vocals of Ronnie Atkins differentiate the song from the works of other metal groups such as Iron Maiden and Judas Priest.  The keyboards give a highbrow neo-classical vibe.  It’s heavier and fuller than Dio, but with all the drama and guitar solo shenanigans.

The title track is slower and nastier.  A rallying cry for metal heads, “Red, Hot and Heavy” doesn’t pretend at being anything more than it is.  A slow metal banger, perfect for fist-pounding and shouting along with at the concert hall.  The shout chorus is custom made for the stage.  The duel guitar solo is pretty cool.  A stock metal chugger, but there is a need for a drum-bashing, stompy riff-rocking concoction such as this.

The highbrow keyboards return on “Waitin’ for the Time”, a very European sounding song which builds from a ballady opening to an upbeat pounder.  Sounds a bit like the Swedish band Europe during their Wings of Tomorrow era, with a hint of Def Leppard in the riff.  It’s an excellent song with light and shade, and a complete musical journey without exceeding five minutes.

“Cold Killer” begins with news broadcast dialogue, and then goes in a fast and ominous music unlike the other songs.  The rather clunky lyrics are about the weaponization of space, a hot topic in 1984 with Reagan’s “Star Wars” program in the nightly news.  But…clunky.  “There should have been a paradise, instead there’s a killer out in space.”  We’ll give them credit for trying at least, which is more than could be said for many bands of the 80s.  Musically it’s a terrifically fun ride through sweet guitar riff and solo action.  The keyboards add a progressive vibe, though some might say pretentious.

The anti-war theme flips over onto side two, with “Battle of Pride”.  Again, it’s not poetry, but the lyrical theme was very popular in metal at the time.  Musically it’s a fast Dio-like rocker with the keyboard accents giving it a different flavour.  Ronnie Atkins’ rasp continues to separate Pretty Maids from other bands, but by the time we hit side two, the ear is craving more variety in the voice.

“Night Danger” is a pure blitzkrieg, now more in the wheelhouse of a band like Accept.  These guys are not slouches when it comes to riffs over 80 mph in speed.  The irony is that, even at that speed, the song doesn’t really go anywhere.  It’s speed for its own sake, and that’s actually fine, because it’s plenty fun and doesn’t need to be anything else.

Acoustics join the electric guitars on “A Place in the Night”, one of the most impressive songs on the album.  Mid-tempo melodic rock, and dialing down on the vocal growls, is exactly what the album needed at this point.  The chorus explodes with passion and power at the right moment.  The keyboards add to the mixture by thickening up the melodic accents.  Brilliant deep cut late in the album.

“Queen of Dreams” has an Yngwie vibe again, though Malmsteen wouldn’t put as much emphasis on the other instruments.  The keyboards add a regal synth-trumpet sound over the guitars, but when the drums kick in, there’s no nonsense.  It’s that kind of metal that is obviously influenced by Deep Purple and Blackmore’s Rainbow, but amped up for the 80s.

The surprise is the closer:  a cover of Thin Lizzy’s single “Little Darling”.  Formerly a horn-laden rock classic, Pretty Maids heavy it up a bit and increase the tempo.  Though “Little Darling” will always be a personal favourite, I don’t think Pretty Maids did it any favours.  Their backing vocals are too shrill for the chorus, and without the horns, it loses that something special.  A swing and a miss for Pretty Maids, which is terribly unfortunate.

Red, Hot and Heavy is a strong debut.  Obviously the band grew and expanded their sound, and still continue today.  This is the foundation.

3.5/5 stars