punk rock

REVIEW: Sultans of Ping F.C. – Casual Sex in the Cineplex (1993)

This one is by special request of Aaron who acquired this album for me!

SULTANS OF PING F.C. – Casual Sex in the Cineplex (1993 Rhythm King)

I’ve said a tremendous amount about this band already.  In case you need a refresher:

Needless to say I have some history with this album.  Before too long, T-Rev would start incorporating lyrics from this album into our daily dialogue.  For example:

“Hey Trevor, how’re you doing?”

“Back in the Tracksuit!”

I have a hard time describing this album.  It has a snearing punky vibe, hilarious shrieky lead vocals and lyrics to match, topped with an Irish accent and guitars! “Back in the Tracksuit” is a perfect example of this; a blast of punk guitars & drums with the bizarrely catchy lead vocals of  Niall O’Flaherty.  Half the time we couldn’t figure out what he was singing.  “Indeed You Are” sounds like he’s singing “Konichiwa!”

“Veronica” is a cute serenade with strings and harmonica.  Maybe it’s a take on early period Beatles, filtered through their own bedraggled lenses.  “2 Pints of Rasa” is in a similar spirit: a stroll through the park on a sunny Saturday afternoon “drinking with the guys”…and with strings!  In the lyrics, O’Flaherty proclaims to his girl of interest, “but I still like you, you are my ice cream.”

A broadside shot of breakneck guitars kick off “Stupid Kid”.  T-Rev and the rest of us loved this refrain.  The chorus was infectious!  “You’re stupid, S-T-U-P-I-D kid!”  I don’t think I’ve ever heard a more entertaining combination of snark and melody.  One of the best tunes on the album.  “You Talk Too Much” is a twin brother, shrieks and surf-rock drums notwithstanding.

A rollicky bass intro kicks off “Give Him a Ball (And a Yard of Grass)”, and the body surfing begins!  I have no idea what O’Flaherty is singing for most of it, but it hardly matters.  You can sing along as if you do, and nobody will notice.

“Karaoke Queen” is OK, a little slack, but it is quickly followed by “Let’s Go Shopping”.   It’s another one of those sentimental Sultans numbers about, well, going shopping.  We always found the jubilant lyrics quite mirthful:

Put on your flip-flops and we’ll go shopping, dear
Put on your flip-flops, we’ll go flip-flopping, dear
You can buy crisps and I can buy jam,
You push the trolley, I’ll push the pram.

The sentiment stops there, since the next song is entitled “Kick Me With Your Leather Boots”!  That means you can count on brisk, boisterous shenanigans.  “Clitus Clarke” approaches being skip-worthy, but who cares since the final song is our favourite, “Where’s Me Jumper?”

My brother knows Karl Marx
He met him eating mushrooms in the public park
He said ‘What do you think of my manifesto?’
I like your manifesto, put it to the testo.

It’s just great fun.  You can’t help but move to it.  To me this album would be worth buying just for the one song.

Thankfully, this collection has an assortment of really great songs and some pretty good ones too.  All of them are gladdening and memorable, so for that reason Casual Sex in the Cineplex has a permanent spot in my car’s MP3 player.

4.8/5 stars

SAM_1637

Part 197: What’s on the Menu?

KS

RECORD STORE TALES Part 197:  What’s on the Menu?

Record store people have a wide variety of paletes.  We had omnivores.  We had vegetarians.  We had some like myself that subsisted on pepperoni sticks and Red Bull.  Some of them did come to work with healthy snack choices, such as fruit or carrot sticks.  But carrot sticks aren’t very rock n’ roll.

Some places in the world are known for their cuisine.  Nebraska, for example, is known for its “Hot Beef Sundae”.

The hit single “Hot Beef Sundae” dedicated to Nebraska’s state food

Likewise, record stores have their own cuisine.

Tom enjoyed a hearty dinner of baked beans and KD.  I’ve also seen him eat chicken bones, but I don’t think that was for nutritional value.  Here are some more record store classic dinners:

  • T-Rev and I had differing tastes.  I liked fish, his slogan was “nothing that swims”.  We could always agree on Taco Bell.  But no tomatoes for T-Rev.
  • I will always remember that Lemon Kurri Klopek taught me how to eat sushi.
  • One of our store managers enjoyed “taco sauce sandwiches”.  Take any meat (he liked roast beef) and add Taco Bell mild, or hot sauce.
  • Wiseman learned as a Subway Sandwich Artist.  He liked a two-meat sandwich:  turkey bacon with lots of onions.

You didn’t want to be working the same shift as Wiseman on turkey bacon onion night.  Believe me.

Next time on record store tales…

Promos…Part II.

Part 180: Google

RECORD STORE TALES Part 180:  Google

We first got email and internet at the record store in the late 90’s.  One of the big fears back then was the dreaded computer virus, but of course we also had to deal with internet abuse.  I remember coming in to work one day to find our computer’s MSN Messenger still active from the night shift; Spoogecakes left herself logged in.  Myself, I was never that fussed about MSN, I was more an email guy.  I got busted emailing a few times, I had verbal warnings, but I never did anything like leaving myself logged into MSN!

The powers that be were concerned about time wasted on the internet, and the viruses. This put into effect a strict internet policy.  Part of that was blocking nearly every useful site on the internet.  There were only a handful of sites available to us.  There was a secret password override, which made the rounds once leaked.  The guy who figured out the password decided to share it on his very last shift.  His name shall go down in hallowed halls, somewhere, someday.

Some of the sites that we were allowed to access included Canoe, so we could print out the charts, and Allmusic so we could do album lookups.  Allmusic was next to useless, being so slow and inaccurate.   I preferred Google.  The beauty of Google was that you didn’t have to use it to actually go to another (potentially shady) site, you could use it just to answer a simple question.  For example:

CARLY RAE JEPSEN

So there’s your answer, without even having to click on one of those shady lyric sites.

Now, I showed my bosses how to use Google to answer the toughest customer questions.  Often, a customer would come in and say, “I’m looking for a song, but I only know a few words.  Can you help?”  This was long before you could hold up your iPhone and use an app to do it for you.  You had to ask the folks on the radio, or at the record store.

Google was the easiest most accurate way to answer these questions.  So, here’s a question you might get:  “I’m looking for a song by somebody that goes, ‘in the midnight hour, I want more more more'”.

Plug it into Google like so, and you get your answer.

REBEL YELL

Again, you don’t even have to click on the shady lyric sites.  Then once you know the artist (Billy Idol) you could just run over to the shelves and see if you had that song.  If you didn’t, Allmusic could tell you which album you want, now that you knew the name of the song and artist.

I showed them this trick, but they would not budge on the block policy.  They insisted that Google be blocked.  They thought you could use Google to visit a blocked site.  Just clicking the link, they thought, would bypass the block.  They thought the block only applied to the address bar.

I explained this but the answer remained “No.”  Google was to remain blocked, purely because they didn’t understand how Internet Explorer worked.  Essentially, we were blocked from a simple tool to answer common questions.  At least many of us secretly had the override password, but before that leaked, we couldn’t access a search site like Google.  I had a customer say to me, “Can’t you check the internet?  The guy at HMV can.”  And no, technically I couldn’t.  Allmusic didn’t have a feature to look up song lyrics, and its search engine was pretty shitty as it was.

With today’s technology you can do this easily with a cell phone, that was unimaginable to us 10 years ago.  Regardless of the policy, I used the password to use Google and answer questions.  And I checked my email, too!

NEXT TIME ON RECORD STORE TALES…

Part 181:  Jim Carrey’s clone

Part 172: The Goo Goo Dolls

RECORD STORE TALES Part 172:  The Goo Goo Dolls

Back in 1995, when the Goo Goo Dolls finally made the big time with “Name”, I sold an assload of those albums in my store.  People couldn’t get enough of them back then.  I personally had never even listened to it.  I mean, there were so many alt-rock bands in 1995 and ’96!  Better Than Ezra, Presidents of the United States of America, Matchbox 20…and I wasn’t interested in any of them.  I was a metal head.

As it turns out, (this is complicated, so bear with me) my uncle worked with the mother of the fiance of bassist Robby Takac.  So my aunt started asking me all these questions about this band, Goo Goo Dolls.  Do you know them?  Do you sell them in your store?  Etc.

I told my aunt, yes I know Goo Goo Dolls, and yes, I sell a ton of them in our store.  They were definitely one of our top sellers, for pretty much a year straight.  I mean they were huge at the time.

My aunt and uncle ended up being invited to the wedding, and Goo Goo Dolls played at the reception.  They had a great time, very much enjoyed herself, and met the band.  Not knowing that I had never listened to a Goo Goo Dolls song in my life, my aunt told Robby and the band that I was a big supporter and sold a whole bunch of their discs in my store for them.

To their credit, they were very thankful (if a tad misled), and FedEx’d my aunt a signed glossy in gratitude!

“Hi Michael,” it says, “Thanks a lot for your help!”  It was signed by Robby, lead singer Johnny Rzeznik, and new drummer Mike Malinin.

A tad bemused, I thought it might be a good idea to actually do them the service of listening to their music.  So I began to do that, in store, and found that I actually enjoyed the band quite a bit.  I like A Boy Named Goo, the album that I supposedly helped them out with, but I think Superstar Car Wash (the album previous) and Dizzy Up The Girl (the album that followed) are both superior.  I still like them today, leaning towards the early punk material, with a preference to their excellent deep cuts compilation, What I Learned About Ego, Opinion, Art & Commerce.  

So there you go.  If it wasn’t for a slight misunderstanding, I might never have discovered the band!