Maybe some things are only funny to me. My buddy Chris likes to tease me. He calls my treasured action figure collection my “dolls”.
He went to Disney a little while ago, so I asked if he could pick me up an exclusive Star Wars set while he was there. “Sure, I’ll look for your dolls” he said. A few days later, I had an email from him titled “Nerd Toy”. “I dropped your dolls off at work,” it read. My dolls, my nerd toys! And I love them. He even put them in his carry-on bag so they wouldn’t get damaged.
Thanks buddy, it’s worth the teasing that I take!
This is one of three Disney Park exclusive sets, and it’s awesome! Thank you Chris and Laurie for picking them up for your nerd friend.
AMERICAN DAD – “The Hand that Rocks the Rogu” (Episode 20, season 14)
Ever since the debut of Rogu earlier this season, American Dad fans have eagerly anticipated his next starring appearance. This was saved for the season finale, “The Hand that Rocks the Rogu”. Rogu, if you recall, is Roger’s homunculus, birthed from a tumor. He has Roger’s ability to disguise himself as anyone he desires, but also has the temperament of a small child. He needs to be watched and cared for like a child, despite his alien nature.
It’s Rogu’s childlike nature that makes him a perfect candidate for the schemes of Steve Smith. Steve needs money, so he can afford the curly fries in the school cafeteria instead of the boring old straight kind. The solution: babysitting. Mom doesn’t think he’s ready. Roger, however, thinks he’s up to the task. Roger leaves Steve to take care of Rogu, while he does one of his many jobs (a female prostitute). If Steve does well, his mom will have to admit he’s ready to babysit.
Ominously, taking care of Rogu has three rules (shades of Gremlins):
No candy.
No screen time.
Don’t let Rogu look at the ant farm. (He won’t chip in for it, so he shouldn’t enjoy it.)
Predictably, within minutes, Rogu’s eaten some licorice. When he starts barfing up little balls of Rogu that turn into fully-grown Rogus, Steve knows he’s in way over his head. One turns into three, and three turns into dozens. It only gets worse when Klaus the goldfish tries to contain the situation by giving the Rogus a little screen time….
Season 14 produced at least three exceptionally good American Dad episodes, and two of them centered around Rogu. The bizarre alien offspring has quirks (a love of innocent jokes for example) and abilities far different from his father Roger. American Dad felt rejuvenated this season and Rogu was a key part of that.
If you only watch two episodes this season, make ’em Rogus.
There was a time when I’d buy any “supergroup” with members that I knew. Impellitteri had three: Graham Bonnet (Rainbow – vocals), Chuck Wright (Quiet Riot – bass) and Pat Torpey (Mr. Big – drums). This release on Relativity records is basically a showcase for guitarist Chris Impellitteri, and unfortunately that’s exactly what it sounds like. In the credits, Chris states “I promise that my guitar solos will only get faster”. That should tell you everything you need to know about Stand in Line.
Sounding indistinguishable from an Yngwie album, the title track goes first. It boasts some pretty mean Graham Bonnet vocals, but the song sounds exactly like Malmsteen to a “tee”. And it’s one of the best songs. The star is actually Pat Torpey (rest in peace, rock soldier) who rarely got to drum so heavy.
A couple misguided covers don’t do this album any favours. The new version of “Since You Been Gone” metalizes the Rainbow original, and it can’t stand up under the weight. (Interesting note: this track features Randy Rand from Autograph on bass.) It’s too stiff, too schooled, too…supergroup-y. Same with “Over the Rainbow”, which has some beautiful runs, but is otherwise overplayed. Squealing solos don’t compensate for Ritchie Blackmore, or a tight band.
Highlights: “Stand In Line”, “Tonight I Fly”. Turds: “White and Perfect”, a song about colonialism!
Credit where it’s due: Chuck Wright plays some unison lines in sync with Chris Impellitteri, showing off abilities that he doesn’t often exploit. Likewise with Pat Torpey. Unfortunately Stand in Line is too generic (if you can call “Yngwie” an actual genre), and there’s already one neo-classical shredder on the top of the pile. Impellitteri spices his playing up with some Van Halen-esque tricks, but all I can hear is Yngwie, and you will too, right down to the production. Most of the pleasure derived from this album is courtesy of Graham Bonnet, but chances are you already own this if you’re a Bonnet obsessive-compulsive!
2/5 stars
Side note: This CD was salvaged by me, as it had been close to ruined by a house fire! Somebody sold me his stinky CD collection, many of which were scorched. The smell (burned paper and plastic) was unholy. This was one of the lesser-destroyed albums, but you can still see some browning on the top edge of the inside cover, where the smoke and heat got to it. With a lot of effort and gentle cleaning products, I eliminated of the smell and most of the stains.
I’ll always be grateful to radio for giving me a start. I won’t rehash the whole story but I used to be a call-in contest winner and then became a semi-regular guest. Radio is a lot of fun, though I don’t really listen to commercial stations anymore like the one that got my name out there originally. (I still appear on Rob Daniels’ Visions in Sound, and I’ll be back there in December at the latest to talk about new Star Wars music.) One thing that hasn’t changed is that I have met so many solid people through radio.
There’s Jolene the Jays fan, always raising money for good causes. Or Greg, the contest winner who seems to have free tickets to offer to me all the time. I met one of my best friends, Jay, through the radio. He noticed I was talking about Transformers one day and next thing you knew, we were buddies. And let’s not forget about Jamie, an old-school rocker who was writing articles for Access magazine under the tutelage of Keith Sharp back when I used to read it! It used to be that we listened to the same radio station, but in 2019 I was honoured to be a guest at Jamie’s wedding.
I’m very happy and proud to have met such good people thanks to radio. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that radio stations and their personalities are often very active in the community. They bring people with similar interests together, while making the city a better place.
Of course, like any platform, it’s not exclusively good people. There have been some seriously weird fucks that I’ve come into contact with thanks to the airwaves. Like Dean, the conspiracy theorizing anti-vax, bike-riding vegan. Or amateur wrestler turned far-right radio mogul Raymond. A few Proud Boys. The usual assholes.
I have fresh wounds from another radio listener. I never met him. Mike Lorbetski. He moved out to Alberta for work. He was one of those guys who would periodically have serious life problems and post them all over social media. Then he’d disappear a while and come back a few months later. His latest problems involved a workplace injury. He needed antibiotics and was short $28. He sent me a private message.
I thought about what my old man has said in the past. “If you loan somebody money, consider it a gift because you’ll never get it back.” And my dad is right; I’ve helped people out in the past and don’t usually get repaid. Sometimes it’s because I said “Don’t worry about it, you need this more than I do.” But usually it was just people stiffing me.
For whatever sympathetic reason, I sent the guy $30. He even sent me a picture back of the medication to prove that’s what he spent it on. I have no reason to disbelieve any of his story. He asked me for money again a few weeks later, promising to pay back the original $30. I said no that time. Then he asked for $20 for bus tickets. He caught me on a good day that time. A few days later he needed $25; I sent him a final $30 and said this would be the last time I could help him out. I left it unambiguous: this is the last time I can help you out. “Man I love you!” he responded.
One weekend in late September I heard frantic messages on my phone. I checked and it was him, needing $44 urgently. He was being evicted and was short $44 to rent a U-Haul van to move his stuff. He sent screenshots of landlords that owed him money. He sent screenshots of his bank balance in single digits. He showed an angry message from a landlord explaining that he already had three days’ court-ordered notice to pick up his stuff, and it would all be taken to the dump on the weekend. I was getting all these messages while my wife was recovering from a humiliating public epileptic seizure. I told him that I was very sorry, but I could not help him. The messages continued through the night as I was dealing with my own shit. He was promising me $88 in return for $44, within 24 hours.
I sat there, thinking to myself. On one side, I felt for the guy. Assuming he was being honest with me, he had only a few hours to raise $44 and move his stuff in a U-Haul. He was going to lose all his possessions that day. I felt terrible for him. I was already down $80 so what’s another $44? On the other hand…is there nobody else he can ask for help? Somebody who lives in the same province as him? Somebody who’s actually met him in person? Friends? Family? Not a stranger that he used to listen to on the radio?
Sunday afternoon my wife had another seizure. I heard my phone dinging but I didn’t answer it. I had bigger things on my mind. Later that evening, I checked my messages. His belongings had been taken to the dump.
“This is the point I’m done with social media,” the message began. From that I gather he’d been asking other Facebook “friends” for money. “Needed $44 to save thousands, got zero. Will be lucky to maintain an empty apartment on my wife’s money, my tools are gone so I can’t contribute.” Guilt trip time? I couldn’t believe this guy. Why should Facebook, or me for that matter, be responsible for you?
“Likely never hear from me again. I’m out.”
This one I responded to.
“Likely never hear from you again…even though you owe me money?”
I felt terrible the whole time I wrote this, but it had to be said.
“I told you last time, I would not be able to help you again. I don’t even know you. We have never met face to face. And now you are guilting me and threatening to rip me off?
“I am sorry but at this point I have no choice but to block you. I will never see my money again, I know that, but I refuse to be guilted when I have already been so generous.
“I hope whatever your problems are, you sort them out, but I cannot have this in my life.”
Alternating between feeling the guilt that I said I wasn’t going to let myself feel, and wondering what the fuck this guy expected of a total stranger, I went on with my night and worrying about my own wife. But what did he expect? I gave him money three times before. Small amounts, but I knew I wasn’t going to be paid back, and I told him on the third time that was it. Did he think we were…actual friends? Because he knew my voice on the radio, and because I write about my life in public, did he think we were…friends? He also wrote things about his life, but I tried to stay out of that. He seemed to be having problems with his job, his wife, and his sexual identity and I wanted nothing to do with a stranger’s problems. I have plenty of my own, believe me.
I tried to be a good person. I feel like I was a good person three times, but had to draw a line somewhere. The day that my wife was in the hospital having a seizure seemed like the right time to draw that line.
As for lines? The bottom line is that I have made some amazing friends through the radio, and I wouldn’t change that, ever. But you always have to have your guard up for the problems that come with it.
– “Venus and Mars / Rock Show” (2014 Sony, from The Art of McCartney)
Kiss rarities can be so crushingly disappointing. Some, like the Ramones cover “Rock and Roll Radio” are catalogue highlights. Others, like “Don’t Touch My Ascot” are just curiosities. Unfortunately the Paul McCartney medley of “Rock Show” and “Venus and Mars” fall into the latter category. But why?
These tracks come from a Paul McCartney tribute album called The Art of McCartney. On the back cover, the track is clearly listed as Kiss. But Kiss must have had some lineup changes if that’s the case. Doug Petty on bass! Dan Petty on guitar! Jason Paige on drums! You’ll be forgiven if you don’t recognize those names as Kiss members last time you checked. Only Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons from the real Kiss appear, and only in a vocal capacity. Why the false advertising? On the same album, Robin Zander and Rick Nielson “of Cheap Trick” are listed, but not Cheap Trick themselves. Yet Paul and Gene are credited as Kiss, tricking the fans into thinking they were hearing the band, not just two of the singers.
How is it?
Well, it doesn’t sound like Kiss, that’s for sure! Gene sings the “Venus and Mars” section, in his natural voice. Then a raspy Paul comes in, bringing a Kiss-like vibe with him. He gets to sing one of Paul McCartney’s coolest lyrics of all time:
What’s that man movin’ ‘cross the stage? It looks a lot like the one used by Jimmy Page.
Or Ace Frehley!
At no point do Paul and Gene sing together or harmonize like they used to when covering the Beatles on the streets of New York City. Doesn’t it seem like a colossal waste, having the two Kiss founding members appearing essentially separately? Would have been even better with Tommy Thayer and Eric Singer playing, but…hey, nobody asks me ahead of time!
And here is another reason why physical media is important. If you had just downloaded this from iTunes, you might never know that what you bought wasn’t really Kiss. Then again, the front cover does say “The songs of Paul McCartney sung by the world’s greatest artists.” Nothing in there about the playing part.
Buying this CD (to be reviewed separately at a later time) would still not be a bad idea. You’ll get exclusives by Alice Cooper (double shot), Sammy Hagar, Joe Elliott of Def Leppard, actual Def Leppard, Jeff Lynne, Billy Joel, Willie Nelson, The Cure, B.B. King, Dylan, Heart, Dion and tons more. Cooper’s “Eleanor Rigby” is worth the purchase alone. This helps negate the soul-squashing disappointing of buying a “Kiss” song that isn’t.
One of the best early Power Hour co-hosts. Helix mainman Brian Vollmer stopped by the Pepsi Power Hour with Laurie Brown to discuss their new album Wild in the Streets. He also brought with him a Helix “Rockumentary” filmed at the Capitol Records building.
Topics covered:
The album cover
Jagger
AC/DC
Touring
A mythical future Helix album called Blood, Guts & Beer
The next video
Added bonus: stay tuned to the end for a Music World TV ad for Wild in the Streets!
Remember when Twitter suggested that I follow Kevin Spacey and Taylor Swift? Apparently, Twitter is still on crack. Check out who they suggest I follow now. This is what I get for keeping up with John “J.D.” Roberts of Pepsi Power Hour fame?!
This may have been the first thrash metal album I ever bought. I was late to the mosh pit, but I think I chose a good first thrash. Lead video “Electric Crown” was in rotation on the Power 30, and I loved the speed combined with melody and a virtuoso guitarist. To me, “Electric Crown” blew away any of the Metallica singles I’d heard so far. It was way superior to the overly simplistic “Enter Sandman”.
One of the coolest sounds I ever heard came from Alex Skolnick’s guitar. In that melodic, four-note descending lick, the fourth note…just shakes. I sat there in my bedroom with my guitar, trying to make the same sound, failing every time. Skolnick was increasingly interested in jazz, and you can hear that in some of the soloing and tubey tone.
The Ritual is the most commercial Testament album. That made it an easy gateway to thrash. Did they sell out? By all accounts, The Ritual is the album on which Alex Skolnick stepped up in terms on contributions. As a schooled musician he wanted to try some different things, and indeed he left the band shortly after to grow as a player. This isn’t a sellout, but it’s the album on which the guy who was trained by Joe Satriani had a lot more influence. (After he left, the band went hard back to the extremes of thrash with Low and Demonic.)
Not a sellout, then. But there are definite parallels to the contemporary Metallica album. The slower metal chug of “So Many Lies” is this album’s “Sad But True”. The Ritual also has a modern, crisp production (by Tony Platt) though not as fully stuffed as Metallica.
Immediately after “So Many Lies”, drummer Louie Clemente goes into a gallop on “Let Go Of My World”, an angry testament to independence. See what I did there? The longest song on the album is the title track, an anti-drug anthem that rocks it slow and forboding. “Kill yourself, killing time.” Vocalist Chuck Billy has a mighty set of lungs, the kind that make you listen up. These lungs are put to great effect on “Deadline”, the mid-tempo banger that finishes side one. There’s something just slightly different about the beat and there’s nothing equivalent on the Metallica album. “Deadline” is arresting, kickin’ and menacing all at once.
“As the Seasons Grey” continues the blistering metal, not as fast as yesteryear but more measured. Dig that false ending. “Agony” and “The Sermon” offer some variety, but Testament are best when served fast. Right? Right? No – check out the ballad “Return to Serenity”! Testament were of course no strangers to ballads. “The Ballad” and “The Legacy” worked out well for them previously, but “Return to Serenity” blows them away. Alex Skolnick’s clever, echoey guitar hook is spellbinding. This incredible ballad really should have been a hit. That’s why they included it again on 1993’s Return to the Apocalyptic City EP. It should be as well known as hit ballads by another big name thrash band. The Ritual closes on a stampeding “Troubled Dreams”, an album highlight and as persistent as the wandering nomad in the lyrics.
There are more important Testament albums than The Ritual, such as their landmark Practice What You Preach. It still remains a high water mark in the catalogue.
“Sabbath are heavy, but Priest are metal.” – K.K. Downing
JUDAS PRIEST – Angel of Retribution (2004 Sony CD/DVD deluxe set)
Like Iron Maiden before them, Judas Priest pulled off a successful reunion tour before venturing into the studio to record a new album. When the new music finally came, a deluxe package was made available featuring live videos from the reunion tour. In this deluxe-sized review, we’ll take a close look at both the CD and DVD content.
The CD
Pure anticipation preceded the arrival of the Angel of Retribution. Two underwhelming albums with Tim “Ripper” Owens on lead vocals caused Judas Priest’s star to diminish in the 90s and 2000s. The return of the Metal God, Rob Halford, meant a reunion of the successful 1990-1991 Painkiller lineup. The new album cover even featured the return of the Painkiller character, now the Angel of Retribution. But a long time had passed. Could Priest hope to live up to the hype, and their legacy?
The answer is mixed. While Angel of Retribution contains enough classic Judas Priest metal to consider it a success, it also has some truly legendary filler, of sub-Ram It Down quality. Instead of running through the album track by track, let’s break it down in terms of song integrity.
Priest wrote a natural sounding album, with elements from virtually all eras of Priest past. They say it came about organically, and it does sound that way. Some of the best material are the songs that sound like variations of classic Priest.
The opening song “Judas Rising” brings it back to 1976’s Sad Wings of Destiny with that fade-in opener inspired by “Victim of Changes”. Then it transforms right into the Painkiller era, with something that sounds like a far more intense “Hell Patrol”. Solid 5/5.
The slightly psychedelic first single “Revolution” ranks among the better songs, although perhaps it’s actually most similar to “Little Crazy” by Rob Halford’s Fight. It has flavours of Rocka Rolla and Killing Machine, and is far from what anyone expected Priest to put out for a first single. Dig that slide guitar bit in the solo! Solid 5/5.
“Worth Fighting For” isn’t a ballad; it’s a little harder edged than that. It’s the one song that is unique in the Priest catalogue, and remarkably strong. The riff has a nice chug to it, while Rob ably carries the melody to a higher place. A special song, and a 5/5.
“Demonizer” is Jugulator meets Painkiller, faster than a hellriding devil dog (whatever that is), but “the Painkiller rises again!” So testifies Halford. It’s so ridiculously over the top that it can only be worth a solid 5/5. Likewise the similar “Hellrider” on side two. Both feature double bass so fast that it’s almost a parody of itself, but both rock so hard you’ll break your neck keeping up. “Hellrider” is also notable as the song where Rob Halford inexplicably name drops “Megatron”. Similar songs, both solid 5/5’s.
The ballad “Angel” is a little soft, unexpectedly so on an album with so much heavy metal. Yet, Priest can do anything. The acoustic “Angel” could be the quietest ballad since the early days. “Put sad wings around me now,” sings Rob to the angel, an appropriate callback. As his voice aged it acquired more depth. That helps make “Angel” a respectable 4/5.
“Deal With the Devil” and “Wheels of Fire” fall in a netherworld of pedestrian Priest. These both feel like filler from Point of Entry or Ram it Down. Less explosive, less memorable. The autobiographical “Deal With the Devil” is amusing for its many lyrical callbacks: “Under blood red skies”, “Took on all the world”, references to razor blades. Likewise the short one, “Eulogy“, which is really an intro for another song that we’ll get to. “They remain still as stained class”, “Guarded by the Sentinel”, and so on. 3/5 each.
The worst of all songs is “Loch Ness“, a mess so atrocious that we had to devote an entire entry just to that one song. Combined with its intro “Eulogy”, it’s over 15 minutes of mire that has no reason to exist. Many people simply stop the album after “Hellrider” and leave this foul turd to rot unheard. “Loch Ness” could very well be the worst Judas Priest song of all time. A flaming turd to extinguish all flaming turds. The worst of all putrid, rancid filler songs ever foisted upon the faithful. 0/5.
“Reunited” DVD
It’s worth getting a copy of this album with the bonus DVD. For one, there’s a documentary from the Priest Reunited tour. Secondly, there are seven uncut live songs here for you to enjoy, and it’s the only official video release from the Reunited tour. The live footage is something to see, especially if you own the robotic Rising in the East DVD. In that concert, Rob Halford was a stiff mannequin instead of a frontman. Here, he comfortably in charge and engaged. The entire lineup is energized. “Breaking the Law” sees them powered up and working hard.
But how did the seemingly unlikely reunion begin? According to the documentary, the band and Halford met to discuss the forthcoming Metalogy box set. Glenn Tipton states that they decided to reunite later the same day. It was like they’d never been apart. Terribly British, says Rob. “Have a cup of tea, see you later.” Rob does express regret for his actions (reportedly he gave Judas Priest his notice in 1992 by fax), but it seems all was forgiven over time.
Beware which version you buy. This CD/DVD combo set contains the documentary plus the full live songs: “Breaking the Law”, “Metal Gods”, “A Touch of Evil”, “Hell Bent for Leather”, “Eletric Eye:”, “Diamonds & Rust”, and “Living After Midnight”. The DualDisc version does not; it only includes edited fragments of those tracks. Which is a shame, because the band sounded fantastic and Rob was in full-lunged form. This is probably the best live version of “A Touch of Evil” available, for example. Not everyone likes the acoustic version of “Diamonds & Rust”, but it’s certainly different. The only bonus to DualDisc is that you also get the album in “enhanced stereo”. Avoid that; get this.
Although Angel of Retribution is overall a very strong Judas Priest album, “Loch Ness” is impossible to ignore. It does serious damage to an album that was otherwise an impressive listen. In the included DVD, K.K. Downing says they had to pick and choose from an overabundance of songs. Can you imagine how bad the leftovers are if “Loch Ness” made the album?
– “Venus and Mars / Rock Show” (2014 Sony, from The Art of McCartney)
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