Sunday Chuckle

Sunday Chuckle: Bloody Thumb

While attempting to cap my favourite red pen, I jammed it right in the corner of my left thumbnail.  It bled for a bit, but do you think I let this interfere with my work?  Of course not!  I took a call from a customer a few minutes after.

Customer:  “Hey Mike, how are you doing?”

Me:  “Real good thanks!  Well actually, I just stabbed myself with my pen, trying to put the cap on.”

Customer:  “Oh man…after all those years of practising with pens.”

I laughed pretty hard!

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Sunday Chuckle: Eat the Rich

A show of hands:  who loves the Motörhead song “Eat the Rich”?  Granted, it is not one of their most recognised tunes.  It is however fun and hilarious.

I wanted to post the lyrics on Facebook recently, so I Googled them.  I think Google is a little mixed up.

Google confused Motorhead’s song with the completely different Aerosmith single.  At least they got the words mostly right…mostly!  Below, you’ll find the correct lyrics and credits, thanks to your buddy LeBrain.

 

 

They say music is the food of love,
Let’s see if you’re hungry enough,
Take a bite, take another, just like a good boy would.
Get a sweet thing on the side,
Home cooking, homicide,
Side order, could be your daughter,
Finger licking good.

Come on baby, eat the rich,
Put the bite on the son of a bitch,
Don’t mess up, don’t you give me no switch,
C’mon baby and eat the rich.
C’mon baby and eat the rich.

Sittin’ down in a restaurant,
Tell the waiter just what you want,
Is that the meat, you wanted to eat,
How would you ever know?
Hash browns and bacon strips,
I love the way that you lick your lips,
No fooling I can see you drooling,
Feel the hunger grow.

Come on baby, eat the rich,
Put the bite on the son of a bitch,
Don’t mess up, don’t you give me no switch,
C’mon baby and eat the rich.
C’mon baby and eat the rich.
C’mon honey, here’s your supper,
C’mon baby, bite that sucker!

I’ll eat you baby you eat me,
Eat two, maybe get one free,
Shetland pony extra pepperoni,
Just pick up the phone.
Eat Greek, or eat Chinese,
Eat salad, or scarf up grease,
You’re on the shelf, you eat yourself,
Come on and bite my bone.

Come on baby, eat the rich,
Bite down on the son of a bitch,
Don’t mess around, don’t you give me no switch,
C’mon baby and eat the rich.
C’mon baby and eat the rich.
Sittin’ here in a hired tuxedo,
You wanna see my bacon torpedo?

Eat it baby, eat the rich.
Eat it baby, eat the rich.
Eat it baby, eat the rich.

 

Songwriters: Kilmister, Burston, Campbell, Taylor.

Sunday Chuckle: Smalls Change

Derek Smalls (Harry Shearer) of Spinal Tap has finally released his new solo album Smalls Change.  (This is a followup to the fictional 1970s album It’s a Smalls World).  It features such guests such as Joe Satriani and Phil X (must have been paid over $10,000 for this one eh Deke?)  The subject matter on the album includes butt-dialing and gummer-giving.

I know a certain Sausagefester who has dentures so I thought he’d dig the lyrics about gummers (“Gumming the Gash”).  I tried to tell him.  It didn’t go well.

 

Sunday Chuckle: No Dumping

Shady St.“, Kitchener Ontario.  The irony of this picture is that a bird already “dumped” over the No Dumping sign….

 

Sunday Chuckle: Uncle Meat Loses the Darndest Things

I have learned that Uncle Meat loses things.

Sunday morning after Sausagefest, we had to find his phone.  Its battery ran out, and he didn’t know where it was.  Couldn’t leave without it.  There were a few places to look.  One of which was “the place he took his last shit”.  I was not going to look there.  He could search the shit section.  We got all hands on deck and started sweeping.

I found the phone…in the car.  Crisis averted.

Then, as we were driving up the hill on our way out of the valley, he said “Stop the car.”

“I need to find my shorts.  I know I packed them.  Better we do this now than worry. Open the trunk.”

Meat went out back and started digging for his shorts.  Dig dig dig.

Then he said, “You are going to be so mad at me.”

He got back into the car and said “I’m wearing them.”

Nah, I don’t get mad.  I just turn it into a Sunday Chuckle!

 

Sunday Chuckle: Cock Rock

This picture is worth a re-post.

I can tell you exactly what I was doing that day. Summer 1990 — MuchMusic was running a contest. Film a video for “I Am A Wild Party” by Kim Mitchell, and if you’re lucky enough, maybe your footage would be used in the video. (I don’t think they used anybody’s footage in the end.) This photo is from that day. And yes, the video of this still exists on VHS tape.

When I first posted this, Aaron commented:

“Nice pic, buddy. Just one question: How in hell did you get that picture without having throngs of girls hanging off of you, all wanting of piece of that special magic?”

It was hard, dude. It was hard.

1537 said: “I feel strangely attracted to you…”

Well, yeah, obviously.

Sarca commented: “I think you stole my jean jacket from 1990…then put Def Leppard patches all over it…” No thievery here, but I put a Def Lep patch on mine too.

Deke observed: “Looks like Rudy from the Scorps with that Flying V. Blaaaaaaaack out!”

I wish I could be that cool!

Sunday Chuckle: Canada Day with the Neighbours

It’s Canada Day up Canada Way, and I’d like to share a story about one of our neighbours who always celebrated Canada Day with us.  His name was Mr. Evans, and he was actually American.  His cottage was across the street from ours, and he made sure to do a massive fireworks display on the long weekend.  It was Canada Day and 4th of July all in one.  Mr. Evans and his family spent hundreds of dollars on those fireworks every year, probably close to a grand.  And they were American fireworks:  bigger and brighter than ours, not to mention illegal up here!

The rockets’ red glare, and bombs bursting in air, united our countries together in friendship every July long weekend.

Mr. Evans was always good to us when we were kids.  There is one story I’ll never forget.  It was about soda pop.

“Up here in Canada, you can buy raisin pop,” he told us.  “You can’t get it in the United States, only in Canada, so I make sure we buy some every time.”

Raisin pop?  None of us had ever seen, heard or tasted such a thing!  But he insisted it was real.

One day he showed us a can of proof!  There it was on a Crush:  “Raisin”.

But our American friend missed something.  In Canada, everything is bilingual.  Boisson gazeuse: “Raisin” is “grape” in French.  All he found was a case of ordinary grape soda!

 

A modern can of Grape Crush with French and English on one side

Sunday Chuckle: Euchre

Ever play Euchre?  Though there are many variations, it’s a four player card game with teams of two.  It’s a fairly quick game and we usually finish one or two during our lunch break at work.

Now, our plant foreman, who is a real character, loves to stop by and watch us play.  Offer tips.  Or try to, anyway.  He plays so fast that we can barely follow his strategy.

The other day he offered us a piece of Euchre strategy that had us all in stitches.  It was a quote worthy of Yogi Berra.  It was as follows:

“Now remember, it’s not about winning or losing.  It’s about playing the game.  You play to win!”

 

 

Sunday Chuckle: Fans

It’s freakin’ hot out there!  I had a fan behind me to cool me off, and this is how it worked out.

fan

 

Friday Chuckle: Happy International Donut Day!

I don’t know why there is such a thing as International Donut Day, but there is, and it didn’t take much persuasion for me to partake.

Gourmet donuts by Debrodniks.  Face by me.