Sunday Chuckle

Sunday Chuckle: Big Apple

The photo below is from a visit with Jen’s cousins.  Little Roman was a whirlwind of energy.  He really liked my Transformers books — throwing them, that is!  He was also excited that the hotel had free apples for everyone.

Needless to say, a child like that cannot be monitored at every second.  It was no surprise when I found an apple with one tiny child-sized bite out of it hidden in our hotel room!

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Sunday Chuckle: It’s not what you say, but who hears it

It’s funny.  You can know someone your whole life, and still find new stories about them.  Such is the case with Mrs. LeBrain and her mom.

“Mum”, also known as Debbie, passed away last month but one of the joys has been the journey of discovery.  One of Debbie’s best friends sent us a newspaper clipping from the Toronto Star, June 16 1994.  The article was called “Say what?  Words to cringe by”.  It had a story about her mom that we’ve never heard before.  It’s hilarious and it reminds us so much of the way she was.  These are exactly the kind of things she would say!

 

Sunday Chuckle: Holy Sausage!

 

Sunday Chuckle: Cockspital

Hospitals are so much fun!  Check out this cock-shaped graffiti from the Sunnybrook elevators!

 

Graffiti aside, Sunnybrook was a good hospital.  Canadian singer/songwriter Dan Hill had his prostate cancer treated there.  How do I know that?  There were big posters of Dan Hill advertising this fact! Dan got better, which is good.

Here’s Dan Hill’s hit ballad “Sometimes When We Touch”. Listen to it while gazing at the cock graffiti for maximum giggles.

 

Sunday Chuckle: Netflix & Chill

“Out of touch, out of reach yeah.” — Joe Elliott

I miss the days of things meaning what they’re supposed to mean.  I work with a bunch of people in their 20s and 30s.  These people do not speak English the way I do.  Two examples:

Them:  “So Mike what are you doing tonight?  Netflix & chill?”

Me:  “Yeah, probably, I have a lot of shows to catch up on.”

Them:  “HAHAHAH!  You think Netflix & chill means watching Netflix!”

Apparently I have been informed that “Neflix & chill” means “having sex”.

Here’s another.

Me:  “Boy am I ever thirsty.”

Them:  “HAHAHAH!  That means you’re horny!”

All I wanted was a Pepsi dammit!

 

Sunday Chuckle: Bloody Thumb

While attempting to cap my favourite red pen, I jammed it right in the corner of my left thumbnail.  It bled for a bit, but do you think I let this interfere with my work?  Of course not!  I took a call from a customer a few minutes after.

Customer:  “Hey Mike, how are you doing?”

Me:  “Real good thanks!  Well actually, I just stabbed myself with my pen, trying to put the cap on.”

Customer:  “Oh man…after all those years of practising with pens.”

I laughed pretty hard!

Sunday Chuckle: Eat the Rich

A show of hands:  who loves the Motörhead song “Eat the Rich”?  Granted, it is not one of their most recognised tunes.  It is however fun and hilarious.

I wanted to post the lyrics on Facebook recently, so I Googled them.  I think Google is a little mixed up.

Google confused Motorhead’s song with the completely different Aerosmith single.  At least they got the words mostly right…mostly!  Below, you’ll find the correct lyrics and credits, thanks to your buddy LeBrain.

 

 

They say music is the food of love,
Let’s see if you’re hungry enough,
Take a bite, take another, just like a good boy would.
Get a sweet thing on the side,
Home cooking, homicide,
Side order, could be your daughter,
Finger licking good.

Come on baby, eat the rich,
Put the bite on the son of a bitch,
Don’t mess up, don’t you give me no switch,
C’mon baby and eat the rich.
C’mon baby and eat the rich.

Sittin’ down in a restaurant,
Tell the waiter just what you want,
Is that the meat, you wanted to eat,
How would you ever know?
Hash browns and bacon strips,
I love the way that you lick your lips,
No fooling I can see you drooling,
Feel the hunger grow.

Come on baby, eat the rich,
Put the bite on the son of a bitch,
Don’t mess up, don’t you give me no switch,
C’mon baby and eat the rich.
C’mon baby and eat the rich.
C’mon honey, here’s your supper,
C’mon baby, bite that sucker!

I’ll eat you baby you eat me,
Eat two, maybe get one free,
Shetland pony extra pepperoni,
Just pick up the phone.
Eat Greek, or eat Chinese,
Eat salad, or scarf up grease,
You’re on the shelf, you eat yourself,
Come on and bite my bone.

Come on baby, eat the rich,
Bite down on the son of a bitch,
Don’t mess around, don’t you give me no switch,
C’mon baby and eat the rich.
C’mon baby and eat the rich.
Sittin’ here in a hired tuxedo,
You wanna see my bacon torpedo?

Eat it baby, eat the rich.
Eat it baby, eat the rich.
Eat it baby, eat the rich.

 

Songwriters: Kilmister, Burston, Campbell, Taylor.

Sunday Chuckle: Smalls Change

Derek Smalls (Harry Shearer) of Spinal Tap has finally released his new solo album Smalls Change.  (This is a followup to the fictional 1970s album It’s a Smalls World).  It features such guests such as Joe Satriani and Phil X (must have been paid over $10,000 for this one eh Deke?)  The subject matter on the album includes butt-dialing and gummer-giving.

I know a certain Sausagefester who has dentures so I thought he’d dig the lyrics about gummers (“Gumming the Gash”).  I tried to tell him.  It didn’t go well.

 

Sunday Chuckle: No Dumping

Shady St.“, Kitchener Ontario.  The irony of this picture is that a bird already “dumped” over the No Dumping sign….

 

Sunday Chuckle: Uncle Meat Loses the Darndest Things

I have learned that Uncle Meat loses things.

Sunday morning after Sausagefest, we had to find his phone.  Its battery ran out, and he didn’t know where it was.  Couldn’t leave without it.  There were a few places to look.  One of which was “the place he took his last shit”.  I was not going to look there.  He could search the shit section.  We got all hands on deck and started sweeping.

I found the phone…in the car.  Crisis averted.

Then, as we were driving up the hill on our way out of the valley, he said “Stop the car.”

“I need to find my shorts.  I know I packed them.  Better we do this now than worry. Open the trunk.”

Meat went out back and started digging for his shorts.  Dig dig dig.

Then he said, “You are going to be so mad at me.”

He got back into the car and said “I’m wearing them.”

Nah, I don’t get mad.  I just turn it into a Sunday Chuckle!