My sister, world-travelling bass clarinetist Kathryn Ladano, is in Scotland!
This should surprise no-one, but one of the things she is doing in Scotland is drinking beer.
As luck should have it, on her first day, she had a fall at a pub. I am assuming alcohol was involved, but that’s not important to the story. She spotted a black Scottish Schnauzer, and jumped up to see it. She bumped her head and injured her shoulder. In her email to the family, she said, “I have a lump, but I didn’t have to go to the hospital.” Glad she’s OK!
My dad read this email first, and he immediately announced to the family that “Kathryn had a great start to her vacation…got a concussion, dislocated a shoulder. In a hospital.”
Talk about misreading! My dad has been known to 1) stretch the truth, and 2) immediately go to worst-case scenario, but I’ve never seen anything like this before! She specifically said she didn’t have to go to the hospital, and she made sure to put that up front so my dad wouldn’t worry too much. Well shit!
Coming home from TFCon, traffic was typical Toronto congestion. Stop and go, stop and go. Change lanes, stop. Change lanes, go! I had to pee real bad.
When we got back to my place, Jay stepped out of the truck for a smoke. Jen came out to visit, and I still really had to pee bad. I did the easiest thing possible: I snuck behind his truck and took a leak. There was nobody around who could see me.
But then I heard a woman’s voice, and close by! I looked to the left, to the right, and back again. I kept hearing the woman’s voice and couldn’t figure out where she was, so I decided to cut myself off mid-stream. Nobody likes doing that. Not the greatest feeling in the world.
I heard the woman’s voice again, and then figured it out. It was my cell phone. I had butt-dialed my own voicemail and that was the automated voicemail talking to me. At least I didn’t get busted peeing outside!
* The photo above was taken during the summer of 1990 and is just a water balloon!
Mrs. LeBrain and I have been married nine years, but in many ways we’re still romantic like newlyweds. The other night we went out together to take out the garbage. It was beautiful outside. The sun is up until late now, it was warm and there was a nice breeze. Neighbors were out, kids playing…it was that sort of night. I just threw on some pajama pants for the garbage walk.
As we were walking back, I started singing a silly song (it’s the kind of thing I do) and skipping ahead a bit. I didn’t hear what Jen was saying as she was trying to get my attention. I just kept singing and skipping.
Then I noticed my weiner was out. Jen was trying to warn me that my love gun was giving the neighbors a show. This explained why the one fella looked at me funny.
So there’s these two guys at work. You’ve met Herbert before, a big guy with a big heart that everybody loves. Then there’s another guy, and for the purposes of this story, we’ll call him “Justin Bieber”.
Herbert recently bought a fidget spinner. They’re all the rage right now. Meanwhile, Bieber bought a fidget cube. These are toys for kids who have attention span issues, and studies show they might help. But now they are trendy for adults of all types too.
Bieber pulled a prank on Herbert, by disabling his fidget spinner. He saw a picture on the internet and did this:
Fortunately, Bieber unlocked the spinner before Herbert a) got a bolt cutter, and b) dumped Bieber’s backpack in a toilet. Happy ending!
Slow week this week. Jen thought this chicken finger looked more like a cock. Tee hee.