#435: How to Write a Music Review

GETTING MORE TALE #435: How to Write a Music Review

So you want to throw your voice into the din, and write album reviews?  Good for you!  Allow me to offer some suggestions to help yours stand out.

First and foremost:  Know your subject.  That doesn’t mean you have to do a whole bunch of research.  It means you should listen to the music and pay attention to the parts you want to talk about.  Don’t say, “This song is really catchy” before you realize you can’t remember how it goes the next day.  Listen and let it speak.  It’s always tempting to blast a new release and say, “It’s awesome!” or “It sucks!”  Just browse Amazon for hundreds of reviews like that.  Don’t say something is “awesome” or “sucks” unless you are sure that’s how you feel about it, and can back it up in your review.

Research isn’t necessary, but you do have to make sure your review is factually correct.  If you don’t, the trolls will come out.  For example don’t say “Steve Perry is singing better than ever on the latest Journey album,” because that’s not him!  Make sure you get those things straight – who plays on the album, who wrote the songs.  All this can be easily determined via Wikipedia which is usually accurate enough for a review.  It takes a few extra minutes, but helps ensure you won’t sound like an idiot.  When all this information is out there and available for free, there’s no excuse for inaccuracy.

Another great tip:   Be passionate.   It’s music after all.  How does it make you feel?  Put that feeling (positive or negative) into your review.  If readers can pick up on your passion, it’ll help keep them engaged.  You don’t want a dry, boring review that people skip to the end to read the rating.

One reviewers’ strategy that I recommend:  Read other reviews.  Lots and lots of them.  See what you like, and do not like, about other writers’ styles.  What can you do better?  Use this to inform your own style.  Perhaps, like me, you like a review that is thorough.  On the other hand perhaps you prefer to cut to the chase.  Either technique is valid and perhaps you will choose to mix the two.  To me, the most rewarding part of reading other reviews is picking up on words and phrases that I might not have used otherwise.  There are only so many ways that I have in my verbal arsenal to describe “awesome” riffs, “killer” lead vocals, “pounding” drums, “bone-shaking” bass, or “scorching” lead guitars.  Add more words and phrases to your bag by paying attention to other writers.  And by all means, don’t be afraid to use a thesaurus!  I use them all the time, to remind myself of words I like but just can’t think of when I need them!

Once you’ve written a few reviews, I think it’s important to shake it up.  Keep your readers interested by changing up your style a bit.  Don’t do every single review as track-by-track.  Don’t use the same format every time.  Don’t allow yourself to get bored with your own writing.  If you’re bored, will your readers follow suit?

What about length?  Length does not matter.  If you have a lot to say, then say it.  Writing reviews online is completely different from doing it for print publications.  There are no word limits, and there are no censors.  Short is fine too.  Some of the best reviews I’ve ever read were just one sentence.  “Shit Sandwich” – everybody remembers that two-word review from This is Spinal Tap.    Of course the review “Shit Sandwich”, classic as it is, does violate an earlier rule:  “Don’t just say an album sucks.”  Sometimes you can get away with it, if you’re an established reviewer, because readers can refer back to your past more detailed work and see what you had to say about the band before.  This is a thin line – the fine line between clever and stupid….

How about photos and videos?  They are helpful to augment a review.  The help break it up visually and add more information.  But even though a picture can speak 1000 words, make sure your words are up to par.  The words must come first.  Everything else is just icing.  (Don’t use too much icing, either!)

Ultimately, the best advice is the simplest:  Enjoy what you do.  Write music reviews simply because that’s what you want to do.   If you spend all day talking about and thinking about music anyway, chances are you’ve already written a bunch of great reviews in your head.  Now you just need to get them out on paper.

Get out there and do it – there’s nobody to stop you!

IMG_20150914_172206

GUEST REVIEW: Creed – My Own Prison (1997 Blue Collar and Wind-Up mixes)

GUEST EPIC REVIEW by ACCA DACCA

CREED 1CREED – My Own Prison (1997 Wind-Up, originally Blue Collar)

Have you ever gotten flak for an artist or genre of music that you enjoy?  Not a whole lot of fun, is it?  Try to imagine that negative opinion not just as common, but as something resembling the general consensus.  One that not only discounts anyone that disagrees, but actively mocks and ridicules them.  Ask anyone you meet on the street: who are the “worst” musical artists of all time?  Chances are, one particular scapegoat of late-90s’ rock will come up…  To say that Creed is a controversial band is putting it lightly.  Perhaps no group in the history of rock and roll has been a casualty of its own fame quite the same way the band composed of vocalist Scott Stapp, guitarist Mark Tremonti, drummer Scott Phillips and bassist Brian Marshall have.  While the amount of fans often rivalled the number of critics in their heyday, as of 2015 the predominant word is negative.  Whether it be from fans moving on or the band’s hiatus keeping them from speaking up for themselves, anything positive is rare.  Case in point: Scott Stapp’s recent mental breakdown in December featured the most press coverage the frontman has had to endure since the turn of the millennium.  EVERYBODY had something to say about it, oftentimes hateful.  What of him now?  He’s pulled himself back together and aside from his own personal PR, only one or two websites actually reported the news.  I’m sure more than a few readers of this review will think he’s still whacked out on drugs, despite spending the last five months at home with his family.

Unfortunately, Creed’s status as something of a pariah maintains that I can’t just hop into the music and give you my personal take.  If I were to do so, I’d likely have more than a few commenters simply reiterating age-old hate for the band or questioning the validity of my perspective because I’m not slinging feces.  So let’s get to it: perhaps the most common strike against Creed is the idea that they’re heavily derivative of Pearl Jam.  Um… have you ever listened to either of these bands?  Generally speaking, Pearl Jam is angry garage rock with guitars that bite but don’t shred, and songs that are intended to coast primarily on the emotion conveyed in Eddie Vedder’s vocals and lyrics.  Creed is arena rock with soaring pop hooks and beefy guitar riffs.  Forgive me if I don’t find those two approaches to be all that similar.  Not to mention the fact that Creed rarely ever treads the political ground that Pearl Jam does, and that the perspective of Pearl Jam’s material is often outward, with the Creed being much more introspective.  To put it simply, Pearl Jam’s songs are often “you, you, you” while Creed’s are “me, me, me.”  If you consider such a point-of-view as pretentious I understand, but I’d rather have someone pointing a finger at themselves than me or a hypothetical “them.”

Of course, this comparison between the bands primarily stemmed from the similarities in Vedder and Stapp’s vocal styles, specifically their employment of what’s known as “yarling” (which involves putting an ‘R’ sound behind enunciations).  I’m not going to try and convince anyone that the two frontmen don’t sound similar, but there are important differences that even a cursory listen will highlight: Vedder has more range and is much more likely to yelp, with his voice cracking as he gets higher and more intense.  Stapp has a richer timbre but over-pronounces his words in a somewhat silly manner that has become common fodder for haters that fancy themselves comedians.  I understand the comparison, but postulating that Stapp “copied” Vedder isn’t wholly substantiated.  Claiming that he sounds exactly like Vedder and applying that comparison to the whole band is outright lunacy.  This didn’t make any sense to me when I only knew either band from their radio hits; having actually dug into each band’s body of work in subsequent years, it now strikes me as pure propaganda.  The fact that the Pearl Jam comparison is blanketed over pretty much EVERY band of the so-called “post-grunge” era just confirms that suspicion.

The next common (and even more ridiculous) complaint is that Creed is somehow Christian rock.  Come again?  Creed isn’t Christian rock anymore than AC/DC is Satanist metal.  Talking about God in a song does not make it religious in and of itself; Christian music involves God as the subject nine times out of ten, with some sort of message of hope through Him conveyed therein.  With Creed, God is only ever mentioned as being there; Stapp’s lyrics allude to the Divine in the same way a person might speak of gravity.  He’s not trying to convert or otherwise convince anyone of his religious convictions, he’s simply stating them as one might a fact of life.  If you dislike this quality that’s fine but it doesn’t make Creed Christian music, even if some of the members are open about their religious convictions.

Even then, to properly interpret these allusions, one must also have some understanding of Stapp’s upbringing.  He, like many youngsters, was born into a religious home.  He had little interaction with his real father, and his mother remarried when he was still a kid.  His stepfather Steven Stapp (from whom Scott took his last name) was a dentist by trade, but a zealot in practice.  He made Scott study the Bible for several hours each day and conclude his time by writing essays about what he learned from the passages he perused (Scott later came to find that Steven was using his essays for Sunday school lessons).  Think that’s bad?  It’s not even the worst of it: whenever Scott messed up, he was physically beaten by Steven.  As in abused.  Steven also set a specific time each week that Scott was to be thrashed for sins that his stepfather “knew he committed but didn’t see.”  Scott was also punished whenever Steven caught him listening to rock and roll, because it’s “the devil’s music.”  To top it off, the doctrine advocated was of an unforgiving God that would damn a soul to Hell for the slightest trespass, lest they live a perfect life.

So why am I telling you all of this?  Because personal experience naturally informs art, and if you were brought up in a household like this, chances are you’d address those feelings through song as well.  It’s all in HOW one addresses these topics that informs the atmosphere.  Scott didn’t write lyrics that concerned themselves with theology because he wanted listeners to believe it, he wrote them because HE didn’t know what to believe about the God he had shoved down his throat by his stepfather.  It’s a fair assessment to assume that his childhood had a massive effect on his personality, not to mention the disparate reactions to the Creed’s music.  It’s a wonder Stapp didn’t have a meltdown before 2014.  Of the common complaints about this band, I consider the Pearl Jam point open for debate.  Do the bands sound alike?  To a degree; both play dour hard rock.  There’s only so much variation one can attain within that template, after all.  The Christian rock charge, however, is simply untrue.  Overall, as far as I’m concerned, both of these sleights were coined not because of their accuracy, but moreso to knock the band off of their perch when they got huge.  With the passing of time, these legends have become fact, and the legend is being printed.  (As a final point, it behooves me to point out that the band was originally to be called Naked Toddler until Brian Marshall suggested the name be changed to Creed).

Finally, you have the general complaint of the era to contend with: Creed is most often resigned to the “post-grunge” monicker.  I don’t care who you are or what you think about grunge, designating a bunch of later artists with a “post-” label when they make pretty much the exact same type of music as their forbears is ridiculous.  Does that make Poison and Guns N’ Roses “post-hair metal” since they appeared relatively late in that particular cycle?  I get that the so-called post-grunge bands are considered much less authentic than their precedents, but the problem with that line of thinking is that grunge didn’t really invent anything, nor were they all that “original.”  Sure, grunge killed hair metal, but there’s a distinct difference between killing and conceiving.  The faces of the sub-genre, Nirvana and Pearl Jam, are watered down punk with a hard rock flair.  Think AC/DC is simplistic?  Nirvana rocks three chord riffs like there’s no tomorrow.  That “yarl” that is so often attributed to Eddie Vedder?  He wasn’t even the first from the scene to use it, much less music at large.  Layne Staley of Alice In Chains holds that dubious distinction for the grunge crowd.  As far as the style’s far-reaching beginnings, Ray Charles, George Jones and Jim Morrison of the Doors all sung with such an affectation before Eddie Vedder was ever a glint in his father’s eye.  Nevermind the fact that Stapp often cites Morrison as perhaps his most formative influence, along with Def Leppard and U2 (or that Scott honed his singing skills in black churches, whose members would frequently goad him to use “soul” as he sung (read: yarling)).

There are a variety of other diatribes against Creed, such as the band taking itself too seriously (didn’t Nirvana, Led Zeppelin and Black Sabbath, among others?), that Scott Stapp was an arrogant ass (John Lennon, Kurt Cobain, Axl Rose?) and that the band was too commercialized…sigh.  This accusation has to be the MOST fragile of the stones thrown at these guys.  Just because a song or album is mainstream does not in and of itself guarantee any sort of quality, good or bad.  Anyone that attempts to postulate otherwise is too far up their own ass to give any other line of thought consideration.  Sure, rock and roll has always had rebellion in its blood, so I can understand that the idea of a rock band NOT pushing such an image as odd.  But let’s not forget that the most respected band of all time, the Beatles, was also the most commercial.

There’s also the charge that the band simply blended in with most of the other like-minded superstars of the time, with LeBrain’s popular line being to colloquially refer to them all as Theory of a NickelCreed.  Maybe so, but if the band was so “generic” why are they singled out as one of the “worst of all time”?  Just because they got big?  And the only way to fight it was to backpedal 110% the other way?  Politics, politics, politics…  and that’s not even the worst of it.  By far the most immature response to this band over the years has not been so much in terms of their output, but the fact that a disturbing amount of haters act like no one else has a damned right to enjoy this band.  As if Creed deserves to be burned at the stake and obliterated from the public record along with anyone that admits to being a fan.  If hold anything but contempt for them you’ve obviously been living under a rock and haven’t experienced the “good stuff” yet.  Are you kidding me?  Yeah, and Creed fans are the stupid ones.

Preamble over.  Can we move on to the actual music now?  That’s what we’re here to discuss, but my pen is pre-ordained to at least address these concerns beforehand, lest I be case out of the “elite” musical regime (which will probably happen anyway since, you know, my argument about Creed consists of more than the age old operandi “they suck because they suck.”  Even now I feel readers skipping past my prose to the comments section to light their torches and take my ass to task for my “transgressions”).


Released in 1997 and selling over six million copies in the United States alone by 2002, My Own Prison heralded the arrival of Creed.  According to a decent amount of the more casual fans and even some critics, this is their best album, and one after which many jumped ship in indignation.  Why?  Because of the first three records from the band, this one is decidedly the least commercial.  The songs mostly just crunch and end, leaving the listener to sort out the details.  Few are trying to be populist anthems.  It’s not my favorite Creed album, but I can see why it’s a popular choice.  The album weaves through mostly introspective stories of faith and loss, with slight forays into light political fair on “In America.”  Overall, this is a moodier and less bombastic affair than the band’s subsequent albums.

Tremonti’s lead guitar ordains the album opener “Torn” with melancholy, and Stapp’s vocals maintain the atmosphere.  “Peace is what they tell me/love, am I unholy?/Lies are what they tell me/Despise you that control me” he sings.  The guitars crash in in full force on the word lies, underscoring the inherent evil of the practice.  “The peace is dead in my soul/I have blamed the reason for/My intentions poor” goes the chorus.  I love the atmosphere and passive, rather than assertive, anger conveyed with the lyrics and instrumental.  Say what you will about this band but they know how to start an album (perhaps not coincidentally, “Torn” along with followup album Human Clay’s opening track “Are You Ready?” are my two favorite songs from this band).

Next comes “Ode”, a quintessential tune about being mistreated by others.  Scott hints at his past here: “One step on your own/And you walk all over me/One head in the clouds/You won’t let go you’re too proud.”  This track is a weaker standout, but still pretty good.  The title track follows at number three.  Perhaps I’m biased, but I consider the song “My Own Prison” to be a classic of ‘90s rock.  The one feat Creed is rarely credited for is their knack for catchy and memorable hooks.  There’s a reason they were so popular, and forgive me if I don’t think they’ve sold 40 million albums just because the general populace has “terrible taste.”  Stapp is often cited for being too earnest with his lyrics and lacking subtlety; well, as far as I’m concerned life isn’t subtle, and he captures that aspect well.  I consider the lyrics of “My Own Prison” to be pure poetry: “So I held my head up high/Hiding hate that burns inside/Which only fuels their selfish pride/We’re all held captive/Out from the sun/A sun that shines on only some/We the meek are all in one.”  I’d be entertained just reading this stuff; can’t really say the same for “Lithium” or “Even Flow.”  As a song, Tremonti and Marshall’s haunting guitar work and Phillips’ dejected drumming elevate the experience to another level.

The album hits something of a snag with the next few tracks in that none of them really stand out from one another (hey, I can make the case that this band is highly underrated but I never implied they were perfect; no artist is).  “Pity for a Dime” is your typical “no one cares about me” song that never really distinguishes itself.  The atmosphere of the album bolsters this track along with the other weak links, but otherwise it’s one that you skip when going for the meat.  The melody is decent, but the point of the lyrics is quickly lost in their redundancy.  Even then, the guitar work starting at 3:50 is a real treat and a standout of Tremonti’s contributions.

“In America” is caught in the same net as “Pity for a Dime”, essentially reprising the same theme.  However, the twist is that Stapp is noting other opinions rather than his own.  I’ve often felt the perspective that Stapp’s lyrics convey to be a hint of subtle genius; he’s merely playing the part of observer, not necessarily “judge” of the politics he addresses.  While I think he’s overlooked as a lyricist, Stapp makes a crucial mistake in his treatment of the central conceit: the hook plays as “ONLY in America.”  Even as someone that actively avoids politics and the news, I know that very few (if any) of the social issues brought up in this song occur solely in Uncle Sam’s domain.  Even if the premise is flawed, the theme of being torn between two extremes is powerful.  That military-esque drum beat at the beginning is a nice touch as well.

Two of the more intense tracks from My Own Prison are “Illusion” and “Unforgiven.”  The former’s dissident fascination with the nature of life is engrossing.  While I wouldn’t call it a standout, it’s also hard to dismiss.  If anything, the song helps maintain the atmosphere and momentum, even if you probably won’t catch yourself reaching for this album solely to hear it.  However, if you’re just letting the album play it certainly adds to the experience.  As for “Unforgiven”, remember Scott’s stepfather and his violently fundamentalist ideas about God?  Well, the title should speak for itself.  Stapp bluntly speaks of his childhood and feelings about that time in his life.  The music is appropriately menacing on this track and it’s a popular live song for the band despite not being released as a single.  Tremonti’s guitar solo is especially striking, no doubt a major part of the song’s popularity.

“Sister” is next, perhaps my least favorite track from Creed’s debut.  Interestingly, it maintains the theme of “Unforgiven”, with the focus shifted onto a sibling of Scott’s that endured similar treatment as he did.  It’s still perhaps the weakest track, but I like the continuity and pondering of the idea of his younger sisters having not one role model as he did, but two (counting Scott himself).  Who says Creed have no artistic merit?  The instrumental and overall atmosphere of the song are much lighter than previous tracks, perhaps underscoring the love one feels for their immediate family.

The ninth slot is filled by a song called “What’s This Life For,” one of the four monster singles from this album.  This is another favorite of fans, myself included.  I appreciate the passion in this track and the yearning for answers.  Call me a sap, but haven’t we all wondered this exact thing at SOME point in our lives?  Sure, it’s not exactly profound nor does the song really offer anything resembling a solution, but I like it.  Shoot me.  (Side note: some assessments of the song I’ve read cite the “don’t have to settle no Goddamn score” part as eliciting giggles.  Am I alone in wondering just what might be funny about that part?  Just because Scott says “Goddamn”?  Note that this word is omitted from the single version; it was 1997 after all).

I like to think the entire album is summed up with the final track “One.”  Stapp reprises that poetic quality from before: “Society blinded by color/why hold down one to raise another” he sings.  Relevant in 2015, don’t you think?  “One, oh one/the only way is one” he imparts on the chorus, backed up by another bright riff from Tremonti.  The song goes on to note the aforementioned prison the narrator finds himself in, as well as the desire to escape and the likelihood of it happening.  To be honest, songs like this remind me much more of U2 than Pearl Jam, with that “save the world” vibe coming in full force.  As such, the song falls prey to some of the same problems that ilk does by sweeping the more intricate complications of these social issues under the rug, but it’s hard not to appreciate the intent behind the song.  I especially like the “flying” effect at 3:16, where the sound circles between speakers, as if to “unite” them once the song kicks back in, just as the band wishes for the world to be united.

Well, if you’ve read this far, I trust that I have your full attention and that you’ve been at least slightly entertained by my ramblings.  A little known fact about this album is that two different versions exist.  Recorded for a meager $6,000, My Own Prison was originally published through Blue Collar Records, a label founded by Creed to get their music out.  The band received some airplay with this version in their native Florida before attracting the attention of major labels.  An exact figure of their pre-fame sales is hard to find, but My Own Prison is quoted as shifting several thousand units before it was bought and reissued by Wind-Up records.  Creed were then called back in to re-record parts of the album, while the rest was remixed to make for a more polished listening experience.  I picked up one of the original copies on eBay a few years ago for about $50.  Back in the day, these things were known to go for a few hundred.  So how do the tracks compare?


Well, the first thing you notice is the lack of dynamic range.  Sure, Creed’s albums have always been among the numerous victims of the loudness wars, in that they’re mixed to blow your head off with sheer noise.  However, believe it or not, the dynamics seem more stylized on the Wind-Up version when compared to the original.  The opening seconds are a perfect example of this: whereas the first strains of “Torn” are a bit quieter before the song crescendos in the re-release, the original is pretty much the same volume throughout.  This goes for all of the tracks to some degree, with certain parts louder and softer given the version.  On a related note, the bass is non-existent on the original version, similar to how it was missing from Metallica’s …And Justice For All.  The remix brings it out a bit more, though ultimately the lead guitar and vocals mostly overpower the other parts.

The re-recorded material mostly amounts to some vocals.  On certain song choruses of the “official” version, Stapp and Tremonti can frequently be heard singing in multiple keys at the same time.  Here, it’s mostly just one at a time.  It sounds to me like an additional acoustic part was added to “In America” as well.  Reverb was also applied to the remix, which I feel adds to the overall atmosphere of the recordings.  Some songs also start at different points, with the odd note or two being cut off, as with “My Own Prison.”  The biggest and most noticeable change is the omission of the original intro to “What’s This Life For”, a quiet little melody that appears nowhere else in the song.  Tremonti is known to play it at concerts when performing, but it’s completely missing from the Wind-Up version.

Overall, if you resent the commercial tendencies of Creed, you might do well to seek out the original mix of this album.  This is the band at their rawest.  However, I wouldn’t recommend a purchase unless you’re actually a fan as prices are frequently steep and the remix isn’t THAT different when all is said and done.  I have one because I’m a collector and completist, as well as a curious listener.  I also have an inkling that as this album nears its 20th anniversary, we might see something of a special edition that features both mixes on separate discs (the perfect gimmick).  Not that I urge you to wait for a hypothetical re-release, but it’s a thought.  Wind-Up released a vinyl compilation celebrating the label’s 15th anniversary in 2013, with the original version of “What’s This Life For” featured.  They obviously have access to the masters and might put it to use at some point.  All in all, the rawer mixes can readily be found on YouTube if you are so inclined to seek them out but don’t want to pay collector prices for an original copy.

For those interested, there’s also a bonus track version of the Wind-Up issue featuring an 11th song by the name of “Bound & Tied.” The bonus track version was available in Central America and Europe, though it might be a little harder to find these days. For U.S. listeners, the song was made available via the soundtrack to the 1998 film Dead Man on Campus. If you can get your hands on the bonus track version of My Own Prison for a reasonable price, I’d say go for it. “Bound & Tied” is a forgotten gem from Creed, with an intriguing into in which each instrument comes in at a different point, gradually intensifying the sound. I especially like the vocal effects, as well as the menacing guitar riff from Tremonti. The lyrics are also much more ominous than most Creed songs: “Tongue-tied, restless and wanting/Looks like you might bite, you might bite/Breathin’ in, breathin’ out, you’re weakened/The poisons hit your mind, your mind/Time’s ticking and it’s got you thinking/You’re happy with your life.” The band seems to be commenting on the double-edged sword that is fame; you seek it, yet can’t escape it once it’s attained.

 


 

In conclusion, if you actually made it this far (scanning or skipping doesn’t count!), my final verdict is that this album is solid.  Classic?  Perhaps at times, but it’s not anything resembling horrible, either.  If your standards are so lofty that a slightly generic album of solid hard rock is your idea of “horrible” music, I envy your musical taste.  Here’s hoping that My Own Prison and Creed as a whole are subject to a re-evaluation of sorts at some point in the future.  If you can listen past your gut reaction to the name and pay attention to the music, you’ll probably find something to like.

Rating: 3.5/5

Thanks for reading, guys! Thank you, Mike, for the opportunity to do this! LeBrain has given me the option to review Creed’s discography, so if you want more let us know in the comments! (P.S. I take no responsibility for the band’s music videos. They’re atrociously dated and corny, at least for the next two albums, and if your only exposure to Creed is of the visual kind I don’t blame you for thinking they’re garbage.)


No sir, thank you Mr. Acca Dacca for a very thought-provoking review!  I really appreciate the time and effort he put into this monster of a review.  I have definitely opened my ears to this band. – LeBrain

GUEST SHOT! #434: The Man in the Bob Marley Shirt

A sequel to Record Store Tales Part 111: The Girl in the Sam Roberts Shirt.

Guest Shot by Mrs. LeBrain

GETTING MORE TALES #434: The Man in the Bob Marley Shirt

10 years ago was a very interesting part of my life.  I had been out of college for a few years, and took a promotion at a company that I had been working at for some time.  I was single and enjoying my life as a woman in her mid-twenties doing a lot of volunteering and making great friends.  A lot of my friends from earlier years were getting married and having kids, but that didn’t seem like a part of my future at that time.  Until September, 18th.

I had made a friend through the world of social media who lived an hour down the highway in Kitchener Ontario.  We were spending a lot of time using Messenger to chat and occasional phone calls on land lines.  One day this friend was having a bit of a bad day.  He had been on a first date the day before with a woman he found on the internet who he described as creepy.  He was having a bad day at the job he no longer enjoyed.  In our chats I invited him to make the drive up the highway to Bramalea Ontario.  He accepted and we made plans for him to pick me up at my family home.

He told me that he wanted a laid back evening with a walk in a park.  I told him that I could handle that, but in actuality, I was scared shitless.  I had never gone on a single date with anyone from the World Wide Web.  I had heard horror stories of serial killers and this guy wanted to walk in parks on a Sunday night.  Not the smartest of ideas, but for some reason I went with it.  Something was telling me that things were going to be okay.

When he arrived at the house in his green neon I was outside having a cigarette.  I approached the car and opened the door.  Inside was a very cute guy in a grey Bob Marley t-shirt and a blue sweater.  Very cute.  We drove around for a bit turning on a lot of streets that started with the letter A so I could get him a bit lost (Bramalea is divided into ‘sections’ where streets are all named with the same first letter after UK communities – I figured if he was a serial killer, I could out run him and call 911, telling the police there was a green neon, lost somewhere on Aberdeen.

We took a walk into the park and played on some swings before making our way down to a creek to talk about our lives.  He told me that he was starving and saw a Wendy’s.  He asked if we could grab a burger there.  For all burger aficionados, Wendy’s is at the bottom of the totem poll.  I told him there was a much better burger not too far away.  We got back in the car and drove to Sonny’s, a drive in burger joint around since the 60’s.  We ordered two hamburgers with ‘funky onions’ (a fried onion with paprika seasoning) and other toppings too our likings.  We shared a large poutine and talked a lot on the hard to get picnic table.  (The joint is so busy, you usually can’t sit – a picnic table is a prime piece of drive in real estate).  We talked so much, that we didn’t even give our burgers a try.  We left them in their wrappers to eat at a later time.

After our first dinner, we decided to go to another park to hang out some more.  I directed him to Gage Park in Brampton Ontario.  This is more of a romantic park that girls like to hang out in.  We walked around the park, talking for a while, and then moved to a knoll of grass to sit and do more talking.  After a few minutes, the man in the Bob Marley t-shirt leaned in and gave me our first kiss.  It was ground-breaking.  All bets were off.

After a bit more time of kissing in the park, Bob Marley boy realized that he needed to get home because of an early work start.  He drove me home, kissed me one more time in the car and drove back to his home in Kitchener.  I entered the house to my half-asleep mother.  She asked me how my date went.  I sat on the reclining chair next to her and told her that I met the man I was going to marry.

She stood up, looked at me and said “You’re just like your father”and went to bed.  That was September 18th in a nutshell.

I love you LeBrain.

MARLEY

*  In 1976, Jen’s father was in a Florida hotel.  He saw Jen’s mother for the first time in the lobby and went to the phone where he called his best friend and said “Graham, I just saw the girl I’m going to marry.  Now I just have to figure out her first name.”

REVIEW: AC/DC – Blow Up Your Video (1988)

AC/DC – Blow Up Your Video (1988, 2003 Epic remaster)

By 1988, AC/DC had abandoned the bare-bones live-style music videos they had been doing for the last few years, and went into full-on productions.  That became AC/DC’s trademark style from that point forward: the band playing in front of an eager crowd, and crazy stuff going on around them. Explosions, lights, wrecking balls or what have you — this all became part of the AC/DC music video experience, with Angus stomping around front and center. “Who Made Who” was really the first of the big AC/DC videos of this style. “Heatseeker” continued the tradition, with Angus popping out of a missile!

“Heatseeker” was an explosive first single, but unexpectedly, it was not really representative of Blow Up Your Video as an album.  The highschool halls were filled with mutterings that the new AC/DC was “not as good” as past AC/DC, and that was troubling.  Blow Up Your Video proved to be a transitional album, as many changes were afoot for AC/DC.

Malcolm Young had hit rock bottom, in the depths of a drinking problem that was starting to take its toll on the band on the concert stage.  He was unable to tour.  Angus and Malcolm’s nephew Stevie Young stepped up, and helped the boys out on tour.  (Nobody would ever imagine that Stevie would have to do it permanently in 2014 when Malcolm withdrew from the band due to dementia.)  Drummer Simon Wright wouldn’t last either.  After the tour, he left to join Dio.  It was also the last album to which Brian Johnson wrote any lyrics.

On the other hand, the chemistry with producers Harry Vanda and George Young (an older brother) had never been better.  They helmed the classic AC/DC albums with Bon Scott, as well as three more recent songs on 1986’s Who Made Who.  It was thought that they would bring that old time rock and roll slant back to AC/DC, so they were retained for Blow Up Your Video.

“Heatseeker”, being so upbeat and catchy with just a hint of a jangle in the guitars, was certainly promising.  Like a one-two punch, the second single “That’s the Way I Wanna Rock N Roll” is next.  The production holds it back, lacking punch (especially on the drums), but it’s a killer AC/DC good time rock and roller.  Weak sonics aside, few AC/DC albums begin with two big winners like this right from the get-go.

Things get funky from there.  “Meanstreak” does have a bit of funk to it, but suffers again from a muddy sound and too much echo on the vocals and drums.  The further one delves into Blow Up Your Video, it seems like the songs aren’t so bad, just the sound.  Same with “Go Zone”.  There’s nothing wrong with the tune, but it seems to drag and fumble in a muddy puddle with the tires spinning.  The side one closer “Kissin’ Dynamite” has a smoky prowling guitar and so sounds more at home.  At least the side is salvaged by this last tune.

Since AC/DC offloaded their two singles right off the bat on side one, the second side is a much more turgid affair.  “Nick of Time” has a blasts of guitars exactly where you want them, but lacks hooks.  “Some Sin For Nuthin'” is better, because it’s back to that menacing dusky prowl that AC/DC do so well.  Finally, AC/DC hit all the buttons with “Ruff Stuff”, a mid-tempo rocker with an actual chorus and verses that you can remember!  “Two’s Up” is of similar quality, another decent album rocker good enough for rock and roll.

Finally, “This Means War” ends the album on a frantic, unfocused note.  It has the energy and fire lacking on earlier songs, but has nothing else.  Simon Wright is perfectly behind the beat, and Angus’ fingers sure are flying…but is that enough?  For AC/DC, it is not.

The album sold a measly million copies in the US  and failed to crack the top ten.  Needing to do better, Bruce Fairbairn was called upon when needed for The Razors Edge.  Since then, Blow Up Your Video has remained under its large, looming shadow, and for good reason.

2.5/5 stars

#433.9: Top 15 on the 15th (by Iron Tom Sharpe)

NOTE:  Because of the three Top 15 on the 15th posts today, there will be no posting for Wednesday.  A directory to all the Top 15 on the 15th posts can be found here.  Browse them all!

Getting More Tale #433.9 presents: A worldwide online event!
THE TOP 15 ON THE 15th – Guest shot by Iron Tom Sharpe

Latest to throw his hat into the Top 15 on the 15th ring is Iron Tom Sharpe, Meaford’s Greatest Athlete. One of the most knowledgeable rock fans in the country, Iron Tom is a national treasure. He is a former Record Store owner, and one of the Jedi masters who instructed me.

His message to me upon completion of his list: “Fuck that was tough…and I know I left off some big ones…I just know it…Ah fuck, The D! Max!”

There may be no Tenacious D, and there may be no Max Webster. But here is one kick-ass #Top15onthe15th.

 

WARP15. The Sword – Warp Riders

MASTER14. Metallica – Master of Puppets

PERFECT13. Deep Purple – Perfect Strangers

BONGO12. Frank Zappa – Bongo Fury

PHYSICAL11. Led Zeppelin – Physical Graffiti

SKY10. Kyuss – Sky Valley

FAIR9. Van Halen – Fair Warning

PHASES8. Willie Nelson – Phases and Stages

CLOSE7. Yes – Close to the Edge

POWERSLAVE6. Iron Maiden – Powerslave

ACTION'5. Fu Manchu – The Action Is Go

ALRIGHT4. Steve Earle – I Feel Alright

MISPLACED3. Marillion – Misplaced Childhood

II2. Queen – Queen II

MOVING1. Rush – Moving Pictures

 

 

Almost made it:

  • Orange Goblin – Time Traveling Blues
  • Crosby Stills & Nash – CSN
  • Pink Floyd – Animals
  • Motorhead – Another Perfect Day
  • Black Sabbath – Heaven and Hell

 

And finally…an extra bonus.  Iron Tom’s Top 5 Live!

5. Iron Maiden – Live After Death

4. Jimi Hendrix – Band Of Gypsys

3. Supertramp – Paris

2. Dire Straits – Alchemy Live

1. Eric Clapton – Just One Night

#433.5: Top 15 on the 15th (by Uncle Meat)

Getting More Tale #433.5 presents: A worldwide online event!
THE TOP 15 ON THE 15th – Guest shot by Uncle Meat

This is an event spanning many sites and writers in the World Wide Web.  I will link to as many as possible; my own Top 15 can be found here.  A few months ago, the challenge was thrown down to all comers:  List your top 15 albums of all time!  The date September 15 was chosen for the deadline.

Uncle Meat laboured hard on his Top 15, eventually whittling it down from a list of 31 great records*.  Without any commentary, here they are.  His only requirement:  No live albums.

RUST15. Rust in Peace – Megadeth

SCREAMING14. Screaming For Vengeance – Judas Priest

EARTHQUAKES13. Little Earthquakes – Tori Amos

CLOSE12. Close to the Edge – Yes

CONSOLERS11. Consolers of the Lonely – The Raconteurs

CLUTCHING10. Clutching at Straws – Marillion

REIGN9. Reign in Blood – Slayer

MINDCRIME8. Operation: Mindcrime – Queensryche

WHALE7. Whale Music – The Rheostatics

MISPLACED6. Misplaced Childhood – Marillion

MOVING5. Moving Pictures – Rush

ROXY4. Roxy and Elsewhere – Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention

PET3. Pet Sounds – The Beach Boys

HEMISPHERES2. Hemispheres – Rush

CORAZON1. El Corazón – Steve Earle

* For shits and giggles, here are the rest of The Meat’s albums that didn’t make the final cut.

  • White Pepper – Ween
  • Sky Valley – Kyuss
  • Harvest – Neil Young
  • Heaven and Hell – Black Sabbath
  • Fireball – Deep Purple
  • Somewhere in Time – Iron Maiden
  • Tenacious D – Tenacious D
  • Queens of the Stone Age – Queens of the Stone Age
  • Dogman – King’s X
  • American II: Unchained – Johnny Cash
  • Sheer Heart Attack – Queen
  • Noisy Nights – Uzeb
  • White City – Pete Townsend
  • Van Halen – Van Halen
  • Let There Be Rock – AC/DC
  • Kristopherson – Kris Kristopherson

#433: Top 15 on the 15th (by LeBrain)

15

 

Uncle Meat – Top 15 on the 15th

Iron Tom Sharpe – Top 15 on the 15th

James at the KMA – Top 15 on the 15th

Aaron at the KMA – Top 15 on the 15th


Oh, how I loathe lists! Readers seem to love “Top Whatever” lists; different kinds, but I sure do hate making them.

However, I don’t like doing things in half-measures either. So for this, the Top 15 on the 15th, I’ve gone one step beyond. Not only do you get my Top 15 on the 15th, but also a list of the Top 15 tracks to listen to from these 15 amazing albums.

As of today, here are my Top 15. These will change periodically, probably tomorrow, and again the day after. See why I hate lists?  In the end I decided that I wanted to fairly represent some of my favourite artists.  But enough whining from me — let’s rock.  Spin these little bastards for a good time!

LEATHER15. Judas Priest – Hell Bent for Leather (Killing Machine)

VACATIONS14. Max Webster – A Million Vacations

NEWS13. Queen – News of the World

SCHOOL12. Alice Cooper – School’s Out

BEATLES11. The Beatles – The Beatles (The White Album)

JOHNNY10. Thin Lizzy – Johnny the Fox

HOUSES9. Led Zeppelin – Houses of the Holy

SAN8. Johnny Cash – At San Quentin

ANGEL7. Faith No More – Angel Dust

MOVING6. Rush – Moving Pictures

19845. Van Halen – 1984

Let’s stop here for a moment.  The thing about my top albums list is, the top four never change.  Four of these five albums have been in my top five for a long as I can remember making lists for.  The order may change, but that top four have been my top four, forever.  They are indelibly heat-stamped onto my grey matter.  These are as much a part of me as my left arm!

PIECE4. Iron Maiden – Piece of Mind

HOTTER3. Kiss – Hotter Than Hell

FIREBALL2. Deep Purple – Fireball

BORN1. Black Sabbath – Born Again

Right there are 15 incredible collections of music, both studio and live. But let’s not fool ourselves. Nobody is going to listen to all 15 of those albums just because some guy on the internet who goes by the name of “LeBrain” said so. I have chosen to distill these 15 amazing records down into 15 key tracks. I’m sure nobody needs an introduction to the big hits, so here are tracks you may not have heard. If you have ever cared about rock music, then you need to listen to these Top 15 Songs from the Top 15 Albums, on the 15th!

1. Rush – “Vital Signs”

2. Black Sabbath – “Disturbing the Priest”

3. Queen – “It’s Late”

4. Iron Maiden – “Where Eagles Dare”

5. The Beatles – “Dear Prudence”

6. Johnny Cash – “San Quentin”


“If any of the guards are still speakin’ to me, can I get a glass of water?”

7. Led Zeppelin – “The Ocean”

8. Thin Lizzy – “Massacre”

9. Alice Cooper – “Gutter Cat vs. the Jets”

10. Deep Purple – “Fools”

11. Iron Maiden – “Revelations”

12. Judas Priest – “The Green Manalishi (With the Two-Pronged Crown)”

13. Alice Cooper – “My Stars”

14. Queen – “Spread Your Wings”

15. Deep Purple – “No No No”

Astute readers will realize that one singer appears on two albums. Ian Gillan was fronting Black Sabbath in ’83 for Born Again, and of course is best known as Deep Purple’s lead howler. Does this double appearance make Ian Gillan the greatest rock vocalist of all time? No. But the greatest does appear, with Queen on News of the World – Freddie Mercury!

REVIEW: Bon Jovi – 7800° Fahrenheit (1985, 2012 special edition)

Part two of a Bon Jovi two parter!  For the last instalment, 1984’s Bon Jovi, click here.

BON JOVI – 7800° Fahrenheit (1985 Polygram, 2012 special edition)

Sophomore slump? Bon Jovi’s first record didn’t set the world alight, but their second, 7800° Fahrenheit sounded like they’d run out of material. It had a darker overall vibe, but managed to go gold in the US. To this day, 7800° Fahrenheit remains an inconsistent listen with a few great songs and a number of pure filler.

Although I was backtracking through their catalogue after Slippery When Wet, I was decidedly disappointed with 7800° Fahrenheit. Based on the excellently fun single and video “In and Out of Love”, it wasn’t unreasonable to expect more. That song was a blast, quality-wise sounding like a Slippery also-ran. It’s the only tune that periodically shows up on Bon Jovi hits albums. This remastered edition also has a smoking live version of the tune (from Tokyo), featuring an extended jam and guitar solo by Richie Sambora, before Tico Torres gets the spotlight for a drum solo! It’s a 12 minute track total, not the kind of thing you expect in a bonus track.

“Tokyo Road”, another hard rocker, is also worthy of praise. Japan was about the only place Bon Jovi were big. I could do without the boring “Sakura” intro though. Wow, does that thing get old fast. Otherwise, “Tokyo Road” is superfine. Jon seems to find these songs embarrassing today. They were certainly not very sophisticated lyrically, but neither is “When you breathe, I wanna be the air for you.”

Also on the better side are “The Price of Love” and “The Hardest Part is the Night”. Every good Bon Jovi has to contain a few heartbroken rockers. These two do the job while retaining an edge of toughness. Having Richie Sambora unfettered on axe sure does help. I’ll also admit a fondness for the single/video “Only Lonely”. Bon Jovi captured that tone of desperation. This rock ballad also appears as a live bonus track, much tougher and stronger than the studio version. It sounds like possibly a rehearsal tape.

“Only Lonely” had a pretty high budget music video for a band of Bon Jovi’s stature. It’s cheesy as hell and absolutely hilarious to watch today. So serious! It almost appears like a trailer in some kind of Bon Jovi movie. I guess Jon was interested in acting even back then.

7800° Fahrenheit was also plagued with its fair share of filler, leading to believe that Bon Jovi really only had half the material needed for a good second album. Among the filler: “Silent Night”, one of the sappiest of the sappy ballads from early Bon Jovi. It does work in clinical studies* as a sleep aid, if you need that sort of thing.

The last three albums tracks in a row were all pretty dozy and unremarkable, rendering the second side a limp finish. “Always Run to You”, “To the Fire”, and “Secret Dreams” as as forgettable as they are substandard. This second side has always made 7800° Fahrenheit a hard album to want to finish listening to in its entirety. The only interesting bit of trivia about these songs is that drummer Tico Torres only had one co-writing credit in Bon Jovi history, and it’s on “Secret Dreams”.

I don’t need to tell you that whatever slump Bon Jovi were in, they certainly overcame it by the next album. With a little help of course: names such as Desmond Child, Bruce Fairbairn, and Bob Rock. 7800° Fahrenheit is a forgettable blip in their trajectory.

2.5/5 stars

* LeBrain HQ study sample group size: 1.

REVIEW: Bon Jovi – Bon Jovi (1984, 2012 special edition)

Part one of a Bon Jovi two-parter!

BON JOVI – Bon Jovi (1984 Polygram, 2012 special edition)

With Bon Jovi sucking quite a lot of ass lately, there has never been a better time to go back and check out some old Bon Jovi.  Join us in taking a look at the band’s very first LP, Bon Jovi from 1984.  It didn’t do much in terms of sales.  The music videos are kind of funny to look at today.  But there is an honesty and innocence to early Bon Jovi, that is completely gone from the band now.  Then, they were five hungry guys trying to make it together.  Today they’re three guys — one boss and two employees.  Today we will look at the 2012 reissue, with four live bonus tracks.  This is notable since Bon Jovi rarely if ever played these songs after they hit it big.

Jon Bongiovi had been working at Power Station recording studios, having got a job there thanks to his cousin Tony Bongiovi.  Several demos from that era have been released on compilations such as Jon Bon Jovi – The Power Station Years.  The studio time evolved into a band with a record deal.  They soon set down to record nine songs for their debut album to be called Tough Talk, however the label convinced them a self titled debut was the way to go.

The first track and single was actually an older song: “Runaway”.  JBJ had a local hit with it, which he recorded with the “All Star Review”, five local studio guys.  Among them was bassist Huey McDonald, who later went on to play bass with Bon Jovi themselves. It’s an instantly catchy rock song leaning heavily on keyboards. Even from this early track you can tell that young Jon Bon Jovi had a hell of a talent for writing catchy hooks. The immaculate backing vocals are obviously not those of Richie Sambora. Just wait until Jon goes for the high notes at the end though!

It was 1984, the peak of the “post-apocalyptic wasteland” setting for music videos.

Moving on to “Roulette”, we now get a song that is a little harder-edged. Richie has a chunky guitar riff that gives the song some weight. Jon pours it all on, and it’s clear even on this first album that Sambora was a serious talent. His style has evolved considerably over the years, but at this stage he was already capable of writing great songs with memorable guitar solos.

“She Don’t Know Me” was also a single, but this one has not aged so well. Sounding like a New Jersey version of the lighter side of Journey, “She Don’t Know Me” is a lil’ too sappy for most adults. It’s not terrible but “She Don’t Know Me” is just too heavy on the syrup. It is at least upbeat, with a Sambora solo right out of the Neal Schon book of tricks!

“Shot Through the Heart” is a forgotten song, since its title was used as in the chorus of “You Give Love a Bad Name”. This is a hard rock heartbreak, the kind of thing Jon does so well. The balance comes from Sambora. Without him, there’s no edge. He brings a very special guitar quality to the table, not to mention songwriting.

The first Bon Jovi album’s biggest weakness is an over-reliance on sad sounding love songs. “Love Lies” is another one, a dusky piano based ballad. David Bryan (known here as David Rashbaum) co-wrote it with Jon, and like all the other tunes it does have quality to it. It’s just too much heartbreak for one side of vinyl.

“Breakout”, also written by Rashbaum, is a hard enough rocker to open side two. Jon has found some backbone, telling his ex that he’s “better off on my own”. That’s better, Jon! Let’s stay strong buddy, and crank out a rocker. “Burning for Love” continues the hot streak. Now we’re cooking with gas. Richie really nails it on the axe. Then is a song called “Come Back”. You might expect by the title that Jon has lost his balls again. Thankfully, his pal Richie is there to keep him standing. “Come Back” is a bit of a broken-hearted rocker, but Sambora’s pick scrapes keep it rock and roll.

One last rocker was all you needed to call it an album back then. Of all the songs on Bon Jovi, “Get Ready” sounds the most like what Bon Jovi would become famous for: good time rock music! Guitar, piano, bass and drums: that’s all you need for a rock and roll party. This really sounds like Bon Jovi.

That’s a pretty solid debut album right there, for a band in Bon Jovi’s league. I have no idea why they (he) won’t play so many of these songs anymore. They’re better than most of the stuff he’s been putting out lately. And we still have the four bonus tracks to discuss.

The four live songs come from various shows, 1984-1988. Each is heavier than its studio counterpart. “Runaway” benefits from the full band treatment, as opposed to the studio cats. Having Richie there singing it with Jon makes all the difference. (This is not the same version as the B-side from “Lay Your Hands On Me”.) “Roulette” is a solid inclusion. “Breakout” keeps it rolling, but you gotta love that “Get Ready” was also included, ending the album as it always has.

3.5/5 stars

2010 Special Edition bonus tracks
1. “Runaway (Live Le Zenith, November 20, 1988)”
2. “Roulette (Live BBC Friday Rock Show)”
3. “Breakout (Live Super Rock ’84)”
4. “Get Ready (Live Japan Tour 1985)”

REVIEW: Def Leppard – On Through the Night (1980)

DEF LEPPARD – On Through the Night (1980 Phonogram)

A bright young Mike in grade 11,
During the glorious 80’s,
Needed new music to feel like heaven,
To woo some lovely young ladies.

In 1980 Def Leppard came out,
With the LP On Through the Night,
It is heavy with screams and plenty shouts,
It makes me feel alright alright alright.

“Hello America”! It’s the “Rock Brigade”!
I played these singles on my ghetto blaster,
Unpolished – but the tunes made the grade,
Heavy ones like “Answer to the Master”.

Producer was Tom Allom of Judas Priest fame,
A heavy raw album he did record,
Leppard had not yet joined the hit game,
No big tricks on the electronic soundboard.

“It Could Be You” rocking out to this one,
Reckless abandon with axes ablaze,
“Wasted” blasts you like a shotgun,
Nothing left to see but a smokey haze.

Sophistication will not be found anywhere,
Maybe a little on the closer “Overture”,
Loud guitars drums blasting and long hair,
For your metal sickness this is the cure.

On Through the Night straight into battle,
Leppard hit the launching pad hard,
With the New Wave of British Heavy Metal,
The Lep became leaders of the new guard.

The story continues today as Leppard survive,
Still prowling the concert stage all over the world,
Fans clamour to hear these old song lives,
And so on Viva Hysteria, “Wasted” was unfurled.

This is but the seed that would grow into a beast,
The mere beginning of something great,
Pick up this record at the very least,
You will find it is very difficult to hate.

4/5 stars

Further reading:

DEF LEPPARD – The Def Leppard E.P. (1979) EP review
DEF LEPPARD – “Wasted” / “Hello America” (1979) single review
DEF LEPPARD – “Hello America” / “Good Morning Freedom” (1980) single review