Remember “Tahiti Treat” by Canada Dry? We used to drink it in the summers, from these little Star Wars Dixie Cups. It was a different time, as we chucked those spent cups into the fire when the delicious sweet Tahiti Treat was consumed. But what did it taste like?
Let’s try this new “Tahitian Treat Fruit Punch” and see if it has the same nostalgic kick.
Date: Jan 1, 2024.
Time: 7:46 AM
Sometimes it’s fun to make a big deal out of something that doesn’t matter.
Let’s figure it out. What should the first song of 2024 be? I just woke up, I have not played any music yet in the new year. This is the kind of thing that music nerds make a big deal out of. The first song of the year! As if it sets the tone for the next 366 days (leap year!), let’s pretend that the first song played in 2024 is somehow really, really important.
How we do make such a decision? Let’s narrow it down step by step.
1. Let’s start easy. Should we play the song currently stuck in my head from yesterday? That would be “Past Life” by the Arkells with the Cold War Kids. Thematically it works. It’s all about moving forward instead of backwards, which works well with the whole “new year” thing. “I’ve been running from a past life, I wanna live this life instead!” Uplifting, and also I get that “scratch that itch” feeling of playing a song stuck in my head.
2. However, 2024 is the 40th frickin’ anniversary of a very significant year in my life. 1984: the year I committed to music as “my thing”, specifically heavy metal. The exact date was December 26 1984, Boxing Day. Perhaps I should play something from that year to commemorate this occasion. “I Wanna Be Somebody” by W.A.S.P., “Run to the Hills” by Iron Maiden, “Rock You” by Helix, or “Heaven’s On Fire” by Kiss would be appropriate.
3. Or, we look ahead. There are albums to come in 2024, and we have heard some of the new music already. Judas Priest have released two singles from the forthcoming Invincible Shield. That would be a great way to start the year right — by looking forward.
4. …Buuuut I’d be starting the year by playing a song to which I have no emotional attachment yet, if I played the new Priest. That doesn’t seem like the right note to kick off a new year. Also, do I really want to start the year with a song about a “Panic Attack”?
5. Kiss is my favourite band. I first got into Kiss during that mythical year of 1984. And, the debut album Kiss came out 50 years ago, in 1974.
6. I prefer to listen to albums over songs. 1974’s Kiss gives me an excuse to play a whole album. Playing that debut would be a way to honour both my roots in 1984, and the album’s 50th in 2024.
7. …However, I didn’t know that album in 1984. I was just getting into rock, and I only knew two Kiss songs at that point: “Heaven’s On Fire” (1984) and “Rock and Roll all Nite” (1975).
8. Just a side note: this is the longest I’ve sat at my desk writing with no music playing!
9. The way I see it now, we can go one of two ways. 1984’s “Heaven’s On Fire”, which commemorates its 40th anniversary, and my discovery of heavy metal music the same year. Or, 1974’s Kiss. 50 years of Kiss is a big deal, and they were one of the first five bands I ever liked back in ’84. I prefer playing full albums, and overall I have more nostalgia for it.
10. Flip a coin. Heads: “Heaven’s On Fire”. Tails: Kiss 1974.
Time: 8:07 AM.
Time elapsed deciding: 21 minutes
The coin toss is: Tails
Kiss it is. Welcome to 2024.
2023: what a year! I have personally not experienced highs and lows like this since back in 2018. We’ll get into that in a minute. For now let’s talk music.
It was interesting to see both the Beatles and the Stones back on the charts. What year is it, anyway? Last I saw this happen, it was 1995. The Beatles Anthologies were coming out one per year, and the Stones had their latest CD Stripped on the Top 40. It was my second Christmas at the Record Store.
There were a number of new releases that I never got to in 2023, either due to time or budget or both, including the Beatles and Stones. I saw some people writing lists of their top 50 albums of 2023. My 2023 haul was much smaller. However, as usual, I do have a Top Five of banger albums that you absolutely need to own. Not stream – own! People who have Spotify accounts have been posting lists of their most streamed songs. That’s nice, but I don’t stream and I don’t just listen to songs – I listen to albums. Good songs, bad songs, the whole album without skipping. CD, vinyl, and cassette were all played and enjoyed here in 2023, with no apps tracking what I heard. Too bad! Support the artist in a real way, and buy physical product! They say CD is making a comeback. Let’s see what happens in 2024. As for 2023, here are my lists!
Top Albums of 2023:
#5: Sven Gali – Bombs and Battlescars
#4: Neal Schon – Journey Through Time
#3: Arkells – Laundry Pile
#2: The Defiants – Drive
#1: Extreme – Six
Still need to get: Winger – Seven
Top albums I discovered in 2023, but released earlier:
#5. Arkells – Blink Once
#4. Mystique – Black Rider
#3. Arkells – Michigan Left
#2. Night Ranger – High Road
#1 single of 2023:
The Forrest Williams Democracy – “The Optimyst”.
Hoping for a new physical EP in 2024! Check out this amazing uplifting track, because bad times will get better!
OK, so I guess I stream a little bit. 2023 was the year of the Arkells here at Ladano HQ. There are a lot of great Arkells live performances on YouTube, and some cool music videos as well. Here’s what YouTube had to say about that in 2023.
Top 3%. Heh. Cool!
Worst album of 2023:
Def Leppard – Drastic Symphonies
Sorry, Def Leppard. It has been a long and winding road with you, but this has not been a good year for us. I have not truly enjoyed a new Def Leppard album since 2015. This isn’t our first dry spell. I felt similarly negative towards you after Euphoria and X, but this latest album has only warranted two listens. I’m actually sorry that I bought it. This is one of the rare cases where I can justify skipping an album. (Think This Left Feels Right by Bon Jovi.)
I think it is possible that Def Leppard and I are through.
For me, 2023 will be the year that I learned to better trust my gut. I think we all know what I’m talking about here. Mistakes were made, and I chose to trust someone, over the screaming alarms in my head. She still generates massive hits and views, to this day eight months after the fact, but the cost was my happiness. I cannot apologise enough for foisting this person upon the community that I love. It was not worth it.
On the other hand, my instincts told me that Jex Russell is good people. I credit Jex for helping me keep Grab A Stack of Rock going last summer during the most painful of months. The Friday afternoon shows were a true joy. His enthusiasm and friendship redeemed 2023. And of course, Harrison was there too, as always, helping me keep the ship afloat with his incredible art and willingness to go live even when he didn’t care about the bands we were discussing. He even got to do a dedicated Blaze Bayley episode, and it was one of our most successful ever. Amazing! We had so many wonderful friends who guested in 2023, bringing light to my days and nights. Friends, old and new. Thank you. Thank you to everyone who helped me in this year. You know who you are, but what you don’t know is how much I needed you.
Jen had her struggles and nearly broke her jaw, but she keeps getting up and getting back in the saddle. Jen is my real #1. You’ve never seen someone fight so hard.
Rest in peace to Uncle Paul. I will wear your hat with pride at your beloved Lorne Beach this summer at the cottage. You will be with me in spirit.
We survived it all. Here we are. Allons-y.
In 2024 we look forward to new Judas Priest (Invincible Shield), Ace Frehley (10,000 Volts), Bruce Dickinson (The Mandrake Project), and maybe even Guns N’ Roses. Now where have I heard that before?
Please join me in 2024 as I continue to review music from my humongous collection, live stream with friends, and hopefully have a laugh or two. I’ve been knocked down, but I get up again…
Happy 2024, one and all!
THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN
PHASE TWO: THE MULTIVERSE SAGA
By: Mike, Harrison, Aaron, John and Michael
The stage was, quite literally, set!
Deke’s Palace hadn’t been this abuzz with activity since its early days as a whiskey distillery. Back then, it was technicians in lab coats scurrying about their business. Today, it was the finest road crews that the Great White North possessed, summoned together for a concert unlike any other.
On the very roof of Deke’s Palace, a mighty stage had been erected. Somewhere in the world, a retired Gene Simmons was crying in his cheerios that Kiss had never managed a stage show like the one being assembled on this day. For today, Tee Bone Man and Superdekes have arranged the ultimate concert. Massive speakers were being hoisted by crane, while Deke observed from the snowy ground below. He glanced over his glasses, checked something off a checklist, gave a thumbs up to the crane operator, and walked over to a nearby Tee Bone Man.
“I can’t believe I’m saying this for a change, but we’re right on schedule!” shouted a cheerful Deke over the grind of machinery.
Tee Bone smiled. “I told ya!” He patted his friend on the back. “Thanks for doing all the hard work on this one Deke. If those guys thought last year’s Christmas party was something else, wait until they see what we have ready to roll for New Year’s.”
Deke laughed. “Well, it’s our friend the Metal Man who helped arrange the bands tonight. But yes, those guys will not see this one coming. I think it’s safe to say that nobody’s ever seen a show like the one we’re putting on.”
“Staging it on the roof of Deke’s Palace was your idea, and a brilliant one at that,” complimented Tee Bone Man.
“Thanks!” beamed Deke. “It was the only space big enough for the entertainment we have planned. The backdrop will be pretty epic, and the industrial heaters we rented will make it feel like a spring day outside.”
“Do we have final numbers on attendees?” queried Tee Bone Man.
“Not everyone has RSVP’d yet,” answered Deke from behind a screen as he looked up the data. We have 65 ‘yes’ responses, 14 ‘no’, 23 in the ‘maybe’, 95 who have not read the email yet, and Max the Axe who responded with a postcard that just said ‘you gotta’.” Deke paused to shake his head. It was Tee Bone Man who recruited Max into the Northern Nights, while Deke had his reservations! “Some of the ‘yes’ respondents include Aaron, Snowman, Metal Man, the Mars Man, King of the Sharks, and the Durling Foundation. They said they’d be sending some reps. Strangely, they are to arrive by dirigible…”
“We should open up a large batch of tickets to sale for the public,” said Tee Bone, skeptical that everyone would make it to Thunder Bay Ontario for a concert in the middle of winter. “Help us recoup some of the cost for the equipment rentals.”
“Rentals are covered,” said Deke as he checked another item off his list. “Thank the Snowman. He’s covering the whole show.”
“What about booze and herbal remedies?” asked Tee.
“Max the Axe sent a care package a week ago. It also contained a VCR and a number of 8-track tapes, but I haven’t ascertained why,” answered Deke matter-of-factly.
Tee Bone turned somber a moment. “And what about Moustachio?” Their friend had disappeared months ago through some kind of energy portal. “Think he’ll make it to the party or am I just wishing upon a star?”
“He won’t be making it,” said Deke as he patted his friend on the back, “but he’s alive out there somewhere. There’s no evidence he didn’t survive. He’ll be back. Maybe not this year, but we’ll get him back.”
A brisk wind blew snow in the faces of the two friends.
“I think these guys have this under control,” said Deke as he packed away his clipboard. “Let’s go inside, get some hot cocoa, and talk song requests. Right now, only you, me and the Metal Man know who’s playing. We’ve custom picked musicians for each of our friends, but we haven’t thought about what we wanna hear yet! We have lists to make!”
With that, Tee Bone Man was airborne! “Race you to the door!” he cackled as he soared away.
Show Night
Backstage was buzzing, but security was tight! Absolutely nobody was getting close to the dressing rooms. Deke had hired the best and only the best. Groupies in scantily clad outfits and sky-high hair were waiting for a glimpse at anyone with a musical instrument. Nobody had seen a thing.
The stage was black, but mountains of amplifiers could be made out with the naked eye. A web of lighting hung overhead. Enough seats for every invitee were waiting, some already filled. Meanwhile, hundreds of people filed into the general admission section as Tee Bone opened sales to the public. It seemed unfair, he reasoned, to deny the public a chance to see this historic event. A webcast was set up to stream, and people were expected to tune in by the tens of thousands.
At side stage, from his own observation area, sat the little black squirrel named Ripper. Moustachio’s faithful companion, Ripper had been living with Tee Bone and Superdekes every since Moustachio disappeared.
“Squee! Squeeee squeeee!” cried the little squirrel. Tee Bone Man answered the call and was soon by his side.
“What’s up, little buddy?” asked Tee Bone as he petted the animal to calm him down.
Ripper pointed to the giant stacks of rock power around him, Marshalls all. He pointed to his ears and shrugged.
“Oh! You’re worried about the volume!” said Tee Bone as he snapped his fingers. “I forgot! Deke made these for you. Happy New Year, Ripper.” In the palm of his head, Tee Bone presented a teeny tiny pair of military grade earmuffs. “These will protect you, little guy. Enjoy the show alright?”
Ripper nodded yes with glee and put on the muffs.
Tee Bone strolled around the area, looking for his friends. Taking a seat near the front of the stage was an unmistakable Meaty Man. Tee Bone raced over with a smile on his face.
“Meaty Man! You made it! We really weren’t sure! We haven’t seen you since we saved you from the Sasquatch, in what seems like ages ago.”
Tee Bone offered a hug and the Meaty Man accepted. He lit a cigarette.
“Well, ya know,” he shrugged. “Someone sent me a plane ticket, so I figured what the hell.”
“That would have been me!” screamed the Snowman as he appeared from the crowd, hand extended for a shake. “I had to make sure you didn’t miss this show tonight.”
The lights began to suddenly dim.
“You guys take your seats! I gotta go! Enjoy the show!” said Tee Bone Man as he departed once again.
A few spotlights came to life on stage. There was a low hum. People shuffled into their seats as a few more lights began to move about, as if hunting. Then a voice boomed!
“THUNDER BAY ONTARIO! You wanted the best…and you got more than you bargained for!”
Then the floodlights exploded into brilliance, and a fully suited Tee Bone Man was standing there on stage, arms extended into the air!
“Get ready for the party of your lives, Thunder Bay! Deke’s Palace is proud to present…the Stars of Rock Heaven!” A slideshow of faces from rock stars past scrolled on the massive screens behind. John Bonham, Lemmy Kilmister, Ronnie James Dio, Jeff Hanneman…and so many more. An audible gasp could be heard from the crowd. A few mumbles and whispers. “Could it be? Could it really be?”
As if to answer that question, a spectral Ronnie James Dio, all aglow with the afterlife, joined Tee Bone Man on stage!
“Ladies and gentlemen, here’s our MC Ronnie James Dio to introduce our first performer!” Tee Bone allowed Ronnie to take the center stage.
“Thunder Bay! You are the kings of rock and roll!” shouted Ronnie. “But you know, we don’t want to rock you too hard right from the beginning! This first performer is a special request for someone called the ‘Meaty Man’! Are you out there somewhere ‘Meaty Man’!”
From the front, the Meaty Man could not believe what he was seeing or hearing. He looked around, pointed at himself, mumbled “Me?” to the Snowman next to him, and stood. A spotlight caught his figure as he rose.
Dio pointed. “There he is!” The crowd cheered. “Thunder Bay, we’re starting acoustic tonight, so please welcome to the stage, from Kitchener Ontario via Rock Heaven…Mr. Paul MacLeod!”
From backstage, a man with an acoustic guitar, white T-shirt, and a black beanie cap emerged. He waved to the crowd and sat on a stool.
“This is a song called ‘Down on the Streets’,” he announced and began to play.
A tear hit the Meaty Man’s eye. He just watched in silence as his friend played the song. He smiled, turned to the Snowman and simply said “Thank you.”
Paul played a brief four song set. “Giants”, “The Trickster” and an acoustic version of Hibakusha’s “Moped Song” rounded out his show.
“Thank you Thunder Bay!” waved Paul as he exited the stage. “I’m due back in Rock Heaven, but it was great playing for you! Enjoy the rest of the show!” He vanished into the frosty air.
It took a while for the pandemonium and energy to subside enough that Dio could be heard, as he stood in front of the throng. Arms wide in a gesture asking for a lower volume, Dio smiled. This was what it was all about, and the excitement was palpable.
Finally, what could pass for a hush spread through Deke’s Palace, and Dio smiled again. “Are you having a good time?” he shouted into the mic. The crowd roared! “I said… are you HAVING A GOOD TIME?” The crowd roared again, impossibly louder this time. Grinning, Dio waved for hush again and got it. He had their attention.
“Ladies and gentlemen, friends and allies, we are here tonight to witness the Stars Of Rock Heaven. This is a night for the ages, a night to remember, a night of all nights. We’ve already had rock royalty on this stage, and more are coming!” He saluted the crowd in “devil horn” fashion and they responded with cheers.
“And now we will add to the rock royalty to grace us this evening, so please direct your eyes to center stage.” The stage was dark behind Dio, but there came a sudden, gentle beat from a drum set. The drummer was using brushes, tastefully, immediately locking into the pocket.
The lights slowly came up, and everyone gasped and cheered at the same time as they recognized a familiar face, and Dio gleefully shouted into the mic, “Ladies and Gentlemen, it is our great pleasure to introduce… Mr. Charlie Watts!” The crowd exploded with excitement and, at the acknowledgement, Charlie simply nodded his head in the crowd’s general direction, back ramrod straight with perfect posture and determined, as he was, to maintain his tasty rhythm.
Dio’s grin widened as he turned to face the crowd again. “Oh folks, we’re not done yet. Let’s add another Charlie!” The crowd was hanging on his every word. “Now, he may not be royalty of rock, but he is royalty of another level… won’t you please welcome to the stage the one, the only, the legendary… Mr. Charlie Parker!” And the place went nuts.
Knowing it would take a few moments for them to be heard, Watts simply kept the beat and then, when it was time, when the groove felt right, Parker raised his sax to his lips, embraced the beat Watts was laying down, and instantly grabbed the crowds rapt attention with a wondrous duo version of “Bluebird”. Hot on its heels came a snappy “Relaxing At The Camarillo”, and so on into the rest of the set. Both Charlies there, in their glory, lost in the music, together in music heaven, revelling in the joy of it all, knowing these were duets for the ages, and knowing that this was as it should be.
It could have been minutes, it could have been hours, but as the final notes of “Going, Going, Going, Gone” reverberated throughout the venue, everyone knew they had witnessed a true, momentous event.
The arena went dark. A spotlight followed Dio as his spectral form returned to manic applause. He hit center stage, and looked down at the Snowman, who now was nervous as to why Dio was staring directly at him! All Dio said was “Snowman…this band’s for you. Here they are…CRAZY TRAIN TO HELL”! The arena again went dark, and a menacing sound reverberated around the arena, as if a train was coming! A bright light shone from the back of the stage, and it looked like a train was definitely coming! Smoke filled the air. There was a nervousness in the crowd…then up from the stage came Randy Rhodes, as he threw out the riff to “Crazy Train”. Everyone lost their minds…and for The Snowman, that wouldn’t take much!
Randy ripped through the opener, and then Bon Scott suddenly appeared and started singing the song like we’ve never heard before. And the name of “Crazy Train to Hell” now made a lot more sense. “But who is that playing bass, and who is destroying those drums?” wondered the Snowman, as if on cue, a poof of smoke, and Cliff Burton appeared on bass! And then…Eric Carr on the drums! Eric was the first metal drummer that the Snowman ever saw in concert. He let out a huge “Woohoo!” and everyone around him looked at him like he was an idiot! They all wondered who he was, and what the hell was he screaming about. The Snowman wondered if no one else could see them, and then the crowd suddenly could, and understood what was going on. The audience commenced screaming and the volume was almost unbearable!
After “Crazy Train”, it went dark again and as if by magic, Cliff was now front and center. Metallica fans were about to get a treat as Cliff started playing “(Anaesthesia) Pulling Teeth”. It was simply wicked. People in the front were practically melting from the heat of Cliff’s bass, as it was aflame, as his fingers flew up and down the fret board. It was a sight to be seen. The Snowman was virtually in Rock and Roll Heaven, and wondered how Tee Bone and Superdekes were going to top that!
The arena went dark yet again and an explosion of fire lit the stage, as Eric Carr’s drum set suddenly appeared front and center. Eric was standing up on his seat dressed in that leopard print leotard that no man should ever wear, but Eric could pull off. He started destroying the skins and played a quick solo but then the band came back out and “Carr Jam” went in to full force. Randy played those riffs, and the Snowman had to sit down as he felt faint from getting to hear Randy, Cliff and Eric play this amazing song. It was more than he could take.
Snowman was beside himself, and he thought he had witnessed the coolest thing ever, but it wasn’t over yet! Bon Scott came back on stage and stood next to Randy. He gave him a wink and Randy started playing “Highway to Hell”. The noise from the crowd almost shattered every window in the Palace, as a few heads might have actually exploded. Bon Scott sounded as gritty and nasty as always, and the song ended a set that was like a dream come true for so many to get to see these monsters of rock play one more time. It was surreal. It was insane. It was a Crazy Train to Hell. The Snowman stood their like a idiot with a big grin slapped across his face.
There was darkness and silence as the audience at Deke’s Palace waited patiently for the next surprise. Ripper the Squirrel hopped from his vantage point, earmuffs on, and excited by the next band inspired by his good friend Moustachio. This time, there was no introduction from Dio, for the band had something else planned….
The stage had been shrouded in darkness since Crazy Train to Hell had left, and patience was starting to wear thin throughout the crowd. Then, the faint sound of drums came from the back of the stage. Rat tat-atatatat, it slowly grew louder as the silhouette of a man walked up to the microphone.
“Are you ready Chuck?
“Uh-huh”
“Kelly?”
“Yeah”
“Clive?”
“Okay”
“Well alright fellas! Let’s gooooooooo!”, screamed the unmistakable voice of Brian Connolly.
The stage exploded in a spectacle of light and sound as the band kicked off the “Ballroom Blitz” into top gear. Joining the shimmering Connolly on stage was rock and roll legend Chuck Berry with his fiery lead guitarwork, Iron Maiden’s Clive Burr on drums, and Electric Light Orchestra veteran Kelly Groucutt pulling double duties lending both his bass-playing skills and silky backing vocals to this talented quartet.
“Oh yeah! It was electric!”, sang Brian, “so frantically hectic!”.
The lyrics were familiar, but the sound was completely fresh. The lucky people in the crowd had never heard anything like this before. The song finished to rapturous applause, and the band wasted no time launching into their next number.
Over the course of twenty-five minutes the crowd was treated to a suite of classic rock and roll songs, all rendered in spectacular fashion. As the closing notes finished on an electrifying take on Buddy Holly’s “Well…All Right” (featuring a guest appearance by Tee Bone himself lending a second axe for the smoking dual-guitar riff made famous on Santana’s version), no one thought that things could get any better. But then they did.
Because the celebration of rock was about to culminate in a larger than life performance of “Roll Over Beethoven”, featuring none other than Ludwig Van B himself. Turns out he and Chuck had really hit it off there up at the great gig in the sky when the Father of Rock and Roll had passed in 2017. To think the maestro composer first demanded entry into Rock Heaven because he had a bone to pick with Chuck!
And with both Chuck Berry and a member of ELO on stage, this was quite possibly the definitive rendition of the song, bringing the two arrangements onto one glorious performance. Eight minutes of rocking, rolling, playing and soloing closed out a night of some the greatest live performances in history.
As the curtain fell on the stage, Tee Bone came up to say a few words. He strolled out from the curtains into the spotlight one more time.
Backstage, Deke was checking off a checklist. “Up last…it’s time for the closer, Metal Man’s band.”
Simultaneously Tee Bone looked down at his notes on clipboard. “Wow, what a lineup he secured! I heard he wanted the entire original lineup of Lynyrd Skynyrd, but Tommy Lee booked them for tonight instead. Well, I’d better go introduce the MC for this set…”
“Ladies and gentleman, aliens and otherwise!” shouted Tee Bone. His guitar was over his shoulder. He attempted to do his best Paul Stanley impression. He strummed a power chord. “People! I said, peeeeople!” He sang the words into the microphone, sweat now beading on his nose. “I said peeeeeople! Lemme hear ya! Put your hands together…for Elvis Presley!!” Tee Bone exited in a flourish as Elvis himself sashayed onto the stage, glowing and striking his most famous poses all the way.
Elvis walked to center stage and gave his famous, “Thank you very much” to the crowd. “Our final performance tonight features Ronnie James Dio on vocals, Criss Oliva on guitar, Jimmy Bain on bass, Jon Lord on keyboards and Cozy Powell on drums. I give you now, Deep Black Rainbow! Thank you ma’am!”
Elvis quickly exited stage left leaving the audience to gawk at the red lights as they rolled back the stage revealing a medieval setting with two fully armoured knights holding two-handed swords at either side, and a castle behind Cozy’s drum kit. While everyone was taking in the scene, they were brought back to reality by an explosion and familiar guitar riffs. Before anyone realized, Deep Black Rainbow were on stage engaging all with “Stand Up and Shout.”
After the Dio classic, the band yo-yoed between the Rainbow and Deep Purple: “Man on the Silver Mountain,” “Black Knight” and “Tarot Woman.” Ronnie’s voice being as sound as ever, spoke to the crowd, making sure they were enjoying the show. When the crowd roared back their approval, the band launched into “The Last in Line,” which was accompanied by bright lights shining out to the audience.
By this time, any doubts as to how guitarist, Criss Oliva, would handle unfamiliar songs were consigned to the bin, as his solos more than showed he was up to the job. Still, everyone went nuts when they played “Hall of the Mountain King” with Ronnie’s vocals adding a fresh perspective. Criss continued to awe the audience with a four minute guitar solo. When the rest of the band returned, they slowed things down with Rainbow’s “Temple of the King.”
At this point, Deep Purple Rainbow showed they still had the creativity when the unveiled their first original, “Deceive the Devil,” which the audience ate up. The laser battle going across the stage between the two knights might have helped. When the light show dimmed, it perfectly set the mood for the Black Sabbath classic, “Children of the Sea.”
In the eyes and ears of the audience, Deep Black Rainbow could do no wrong. Jon amazed the crowd with a mesmerising keyboard solo before the band returned and nailed “Woman From Tokyo.” Cozy followed with a drum solo, and after a few minutes, Jimmy joined in with him on bass. That led to another original, and two more Dio classics: “Rock and Roll Children” and “Rainbow in the Dark” in rapid succession.
It might have looked like it was going to be all over when they played “Long Live Rock and Roll,” when Ronnie got the audience participating. However, the band had one more trick up their sleeves. After the singalong, with the band in full swing, a mechanical dragon just like the one used on Dio’s “Sacred Heart” tour rose from behind the drums blowing smoke from its nose! It remained to the very end, and even took a bow with the band.
There was no way the audience would let things go that easily. In unison, they roared for Deep Black Rainbow’s return. It was only when throats started to go collectively sore that the band came back. Then, Dio, beckoned to the side of the stage. “Come on!” he motioned. Then Elvis appeared, waved to the crowd, and grabbed a microphone. Chuck Berry returned to the stage, duck-walking to center stage as the crowd screamed in approval. Criss Oliva followed, plugging in his electric guitar so familiar from the Gutter Ballet album cover. He was followed by Randy Rhoads who plugged into another stack of amps. The final guitarist, Tee Bone Man himself, had the honour of standing between the two legendary axemen. His face was humble and his eyes were made of joy.
Eric Carr and Clive Burr emerged, carrying tambourines and shakers. Brian Connolly and Kelly Groucutt were behind them with microphones in their hands. Cliff Burton just had a beer, while the two Charlies weren’t quite sure how they fit in, but were just glad to be there. Paul MacLeod had returned, and simply grinned at all the rock majesty from the side of the stage.
Ronnie James Dio saluted the lucky fans, who were then treated to three encore songs. First, “Highway Star,” then “Holy Diver”.
“We have time for one more!” Ronnie announced. The familiar guitar riff of an all-time classic sent all into mass hysterical frenzy. Criss and Ronnie led the procession as everyone joined in the party that was “Smoke On the Water”! An amazing light show accompanied the iconic hit, and if Richie Blackmore had been there, he would have taken out a court injunction against Criss Oliva, forbidding him to play it again, as he totally nailed the guitar solo. Jon Lord followed on with one more amazing keyboard solo and then a brief drum solo from Cozy. Charlie Parker’s saxophone joined in for “Smoke”, while everyone sang along to the indelible chorus. When they left again, this time for good, the audience screamed their heads off, and cigarette lighters lit up the entire seating area. Ronnie graciously thanked everyone for coming and enjoying the show, and for being so wonderful. All of Deep Black Rainbow came together, took their final bows and a few heavenly hugs. The band glimmered bright, and faded away in a giant cascade of stars. Tee Bone remained alone on stage. Speechless, the man stood before them for an achingly long silence.
“Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, friends from near and far…I don’t know what to say!” He paused, unsure how to finish. Ultimately, he went with his guts. “People…let’s see the Kiss Avatars top that! You just witnessed the greatest rock show of all time! Let’s hear it!” The crowd screamed in eternal gratitude, for there would never be a show like this one. “Now let’s count, because it’s almost midnight!” A massive clock was projected on a screen behind him.
“10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1…wooo!” screamed the rapturous attendees.
“Happy New Year!” screamed Tee Bone at the top of his lungs. “Welcome to 2024!”
Tee Bone basked in happiness, as Deke came out to give his best friend a hug. This had to be the best New Year’s Eve celebration ever.
Epilogue 1: In Space
Jen watched the simulcast from her tiny screen in the Galaxy Explorer. She smiled, knowing how much her Brainiac would have loved seeing the Kiss guy on stage. Her favourite performer was probably Chuck Berry, but she also really liked the Paul MacLeod song. Dio also reminded her of her Michael.
There was a tap on the bulkhead by her station. It was Captain Frank.
“Good evening, Specialist,” smiled the captain. “Happy New Year. It’s lights out for you in 15, just a reminder. We have a load-in tomorrow and we’ll all need our rest.”
Jen grinned and removed her glasses. “I was just about to get some sleep,” she answered. “I was watching the big New Years concert. You wouldn’t believe who they had on stage.”
The Captain chuckled. “I heard it was going to be Kiss, kicking off another tour!” They both laughed.
“It was a bit bigger than that,” answered Jen, “but I won’t spoil the show for you. You’ll have to see it for yourself.”
“Sounds good, Specialist. See you in the morning, G’night.”
“Good night Captain,” said Jen. “And good night my Brainiac, until we meet again.”
Epilogue 2: The aftermath
It took a full three days for Tee Bone Man and Superdekes to sleep off the show they had hosted. The tundra of Thunder Bay was completely thawed by the sheer heat generated by the music, not to mention the pyro. This resulted in several road closures, cutting off Thunder Bay from the rest of Canada, with the hardtop cracked and sinkholed. It was like an earthquake had hit the small city. Many concert-goers were stranded in Thunder Bay until safe passage could be assured.
The Thunder Bay Times had written an article about the concert, praising the surprise factor of the performers, the music, the song selections, and the technical aspects of the show. They had, perhaps surprisingly, also lambasted Tee Bone and Superdekes for long lines, especially to the washrooms, and a cumbersome online ticket sale interface. Of course, the three day traffic jam to leave town dominated the news for three cycles, and even made the international morning talk programs in the US and UK. Tee Bone Man was finding himself the uncomfortable face of the infrastructure breakdown and traffic issues that everyone was talking about.
The hotel and bed-and-breakfast business in Thunder Bay, usually struggling and sluggish, was now booming. In three days, they had posted enough profit to cover their budgets for the next three months. The conversations around the water coolers, pro and con Tee Bone and Superdekes, started locally but began to spread all over the world. Was the concert a good or bad thing? What about that exploding restaurant in Kitchener Ontario a month or two ago? Trouble seemed to follow these two, wherever they went. Twitter was filled with discussion, much of it hostile. People began changing their avatars to Tee Bone Man’s face, or his face with a line through it. It was getting…ugly. This was something new for the two heroes.
Somewhere in Ontario, sitting in her plush red armchair, a woman read the latest article on Tee Bone and Superdekes, the concert, and the casualties. She stroked a miniature Schnauzer, black and grey and white and snoozing peacefully, on her lap. The woman turned the page to the obituaries. It had become habit, since suffering her own loss at the hands of these two so-called “heroes”. Angrily, she stopped herself, hastily balled up the newspaper and threw it into the fireplace. The fire briefly expanded and brightened as the paper turned to ash. The dog, startled, jumped off her lap.
She stood. She picked up a large black case.
“It’s time we paid Tee Bone Man a visit,” she growled. The Schnauzer growled, in perfect musical harmony. An orange portal opened, and the two stepped through.
To be continued…in Tee Bone and Superdekes Go Back to School Parts 1 and 2!
THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN: PHASE ONE – THE SQUIRREL SAGA 
THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN: PHASE TWO – THE MULTIVERSE SAGA
THE COMPLETE ADVENTURES OF EDIE VAN HEELIN’
THE WRITER’S ROOM
The Writer’s Room
‘Twas a warm and cozy gathering of film-addicted friends, reminiscing upon favourites in the year 2023. With Jason Drury joining from the UK, Harrison from Australia, and Mike & Rob in Canada, it was a a truly intercontinental show.
We took a look at some new musical arrivals (signed Blaze Bayley, Rock Candy Ronnie James Dio, some sweet soundtracks on CD) and some books as well.
Though we always try to promote the physical media on Grab A Stack of Rock, the thoughtful conversation was what made this episode special. Specifically, we went down the Doctor Who rabbit hole and touched on what is happening with the show today. We also praised Ray Stevenson in Ahsoka, and lambasted a few of the Marvel products out today. Saved from the hot seat was Loki Season 2, which Jason and I both thought was a high water mark for the franchise.
Controversially, Jason weighed in on UK fish & chips vs. their Canadian counterparts.
Happy new year my friends, we’ll see you in 2024. Next week: Down For the Count, with Tim Durling and Jex Russell.
GRAB A STACK OF ROCK With Mike and the Mad Metal Man
Episode 45: Return of the Drury
Tonight, film and soundtrack expert Jason Drury is back on the show from five time zones away! All the way in Ramsgate UK, Jason will be burning the midnight oil with Robert Daniels, Jex Russell and Harrison Kopp tonight.
Tonight we will just be catching up with friends, talking everything that we enjoyed in 2023. (I will be saving my Top Five albums list for January 1.) It’s a casual show and those are often the best kind.
Please join us tonight and welcome Jason back on the show!
LIVE Friday Dec 29 at 7:00 P.M. E.S.T. / 8:00 P.M. Atlantic. Enjoy on YouTube or on Twitter!
Mike strode upon the tiles of the writer’s room. Over the summer, they had the old carpet pulled up, and laid down expensive fresh tiles. Marble, or something. Mike wasn’t much for details. He acted as if the weight of the world was in his shoulders, and sometimes it was, but today he was really feeling the strain.
At the big conference table sat the usual crew. To his left: Aaron and Harrison, with Harrison taking notes. To his right: the 80s Metal Man and John T. Snow himself. Snow had just poured himself a big glass of Gene Simmons brand sweet tea. Sweet Pain, it was called. Snowman grimaced a little bit as the biting sweetness hit his palette, but the concoction didn’t seem too deadly.
Mike rubbed his head. Inhale. OK. Time to talk.
“Guys, I just want to thank you again for all your hard work this year. Each of you wrote some excellent stories for Tee Bone Man. Harrison, of course, we all know what he accomplished this year!” There was a quick round of applause, led by Aaron with a traditional “Wahoo!”
It was the Metal Man who prompted Mike to continue. “Yet this doesn’t sound like a ‘good news’ meeting, not at this late hour,” he said. Indeed, the Metal Man was jet-lagged, for back home in England it was well past midnight.
“You’re right Metal Man, it’s not good news. But you may as well get the news from the horse’s mouth. We’re just waiting for the horse.” It was then that the big new monitor on the wall behind him crackled to life. As usual, it was Holen coming in with static. You could make out a vaguely human shape and a distorted voice.
“Hey guys, it’s me, I’m the bad news,” came the voice from the screen. Mike tried to force a chuckle as Holen spoke.
“Hey Holen,” said the table in unified concern.
“I’m sorry to let you down guys. I’ve been down for the count…(that was a plug for Tim Durling’s new book by the way)…I have had an unusual streak of bad luck. I haven’t been able to finish my part of the Tee Bone Man’s New Year Eve Special story. I apologize.”
“Aww that’s OK,” answered the Snowman between sips of sweet tea. “I bet your story would have been awesome.”
“Mike would have loved my story,” answered Holen between crackles of noise. “You guys wanna know what band I picked?”
The table reacted in excitement! The gimmick this year was Mike’s idea. In the world of Tee Bone Man, Tee and Superdekes were going to host a massive New Year’s Eve concert. The catch? Spinning off last year’s Christmas tale, the denizens of Rock and Roll Heaven would be resurrected in spectral form, to put on the ultimate live concert! The deadline for the writers to get their bands and setlists in was, of course, December 31 2023. The story would go live at midnight.
Each writer in the room was responsible for penning their own section of the concert. Mike, Harrison, Aaron, Snowman and Metal Man had long submitted their deceased rock star supergroups. Holen had been mysteriously quiet as they waited to finish the story. Now, we know why. A string of crappy luck!
“OK, ready for this? Mike you’ll love my lead singer. I have Little Richard!” exclaimed Holen.
“WaaHOOOOOOOOO!” responded Aaron at that pick. The table laughed in unison.
“But wait, I have two singers. Second, we have Lou Reed, also playing lead guitar!”
Mike made an enthusiastic guitar squealing noise and face. “Metal Machine Music!!” declared Mike.
“More lead guitars,” announced Holen, “Courtesy of Robert Quine!”
There was silence.
“Come on guys, Robert Quine? Worked with Lou Reed, John Zorn, Marianne Faithful, Richard Hell, Matthew Sweet!”
“Oh, cool!!” enthused Aaron with genuine excitement.
“And finally,” said Holen, “I couldn’t split up the rhythm section from The Who, so I picked both John Entwistle and Keith Moon!”
A few jaws dropped around the table. A few claps were heard.
“That would have been a damn cool concert,” said the Snowman as he gulped down his last swallow of Simmons brand sweet tea. From the corner of the room, a door opened and a uniformed Gene Simmons rep emerged to hand John a cheque for his endorsement. The Simmons rep exited as quietly as she came, and John silently pocketed the money.
Harrison then spoke. “Gentlemen, as sad as I am that Holen could not contribute this year, I can assure you the story is quite good as it is. The art is complete and Mike tells me he likes it very much.” Mike made a clapping motion for the hard-working Australian.
“I can also reveal this much about the final story,” continued Mike. “80s Metal Man wrote a section so epic that I just had to choose his band to close the concert. In fact he wrote a concert so epic, that he had to cut it down from six pages!” There was a collective gasp. “And, the good news here today is that Metal Man will be posting the full unedited supergroup on his own website too!”
“Great work, Metal Man!” shouted the Snowman.
Aaron raised his hand. “Can I ask a question? What happened to Holen anyway?”
Holen coughed (or perhaps it was static). “I can’t divulge any details,” he answered vaguely. “All I can say is they can’t get rid of me that easily!”
The table laughed in awkward tension, unsure how serious Holen was!
Mike spoke again. “I for one am just glad to have Holen here with us for this teleconference; this is the last one of 2023. And may I say it? It was the best year for Tee Bone Man stories yet. And 2024 is gonna rock.”
Everyone clapped. Everyone, even the stoic Harrison, had smiles on their faces. Mike grinned to himself. The whole Tee Bone Man Multiverse was complicated, but they’d be straightening everything out in January. It was Mike and Harrison who decided to go full multiverse this time. It opened up whole new avenues. Harrison decided that Multiversal portals would be orange, to reflect the glow of Tee Bone’s favourite Scotch. Orange portals! And it worked so well in their stories! As soon as you saw an orange glow, that was a clue that multiversal shenanigans were afoot.
It was at that exact moment that Mike noticed an orange glow in the furthest corner of the room.
There was a scream.
“Guys!!! Help me!!” It was the Snowman! From behind him opened a sparkling, circular orange portal. A pair of hands grasped him, and pulled him through.
“Gu…”
John T. Snow’s voice was cut suddenly, as the orange portal closed shut before their eyes.
Everyone in the room looked at Mike in complete confusion.
“What the…!” he shouted with hands on his head.
To be continued in the Adventures of Tee Bone Man….
THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN: PHASE ONE – THE SQUIRREL SAGA
THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN: PHASE TWO – THE MULTIVERSE SAGA
THE COMPLETE ADVENTURES OF EDIE VAN HEELIN’
THE WRITER’S ROOM
THE DEFIANTS – Drive (2023 Frontiers)
Like a top-fuel funnycar, Paul Laine, Bruno Ravel and Rob Marcello made a stunning comeback in 2023 with The Defiants’ new album Drive. They had a lot to live up to, after the luminous Zokusho in 2019. Could they come up with another batch of songs, just as strong? In short, yes. In long, read on.
Right from the get-go, opener “Hey Life” is a wrecking ball. Van Romaine on drums absolutely slays this song with ease. In the first few seconds, you’re hammered by Priest-y riff and blistering guitar fretwork. “Hey Life” isn’t all flash; it boasts strong melodies and an adrenalized performance by the Defiants. “Hey life! Get out of my way tonight!” blasts Paul Laine at maximum lung power. He remains one of the best in the business.
With some anthemic “woah-ohs!”, the second number “Go Big Or Go Home” does exactly what it says on the label. “Gonna rock this town like we already own it!” There’s a simple but very effective guitar riff backing this melodic stomper. Thinking about it, the difference between the Defiants and all the bands that try to do what they do with traditional melodic rock, can’t touch their songs, and a big reason is the strength of the Defiants in writing structurally sound guitar parts. Every lick, every crunch, every single note needs to be exactly where it is and how it is. “Go Big Or Go Home” is a prime example.
Now, if I were a card player, I’d gamble that “19 Summertime” would be a hard rock anthem for the sunniest of seasons. I would be correct. There are some tasty 80s keyboard highlights behind that staccato guitar part. Sounds like a vintage lost Europe song from somewhere between Out Of This World and The Final Countdown. Therefore, we can pinpoint “19 Summertime” to the summer of 1987. Then, “What Are You Waiting For” has the same teenage panache that Bon Jovi made his mint with back at the same time. It’s another awesome, good time anthem that transports you back in rock history.
“Miracle” is the first ballad, and it’s a nice one at that. It’s not a softy, but fully armed with guitars and keys. It sounds a lot like Adrenalize era Def Leppard. Things switch around on a scorcher called “Against the Grain” that has a Bon Jovi vibe via the Crush album, but way harder edged. Lots of opportunities to pump fists here. The tough chorus sounds great in the car. “Against the grain, they say left we go right, someday you gotta realize, it’s the way you gotta live your life.” Another solid track called “So Good” slows things down to a nocturnal prowl, while retaining all the anthemic melodic qualities. There’s some shimmery guitar fretwork here and a cool organ backing.
A completely different feel enters the scene on “Love Doesn’t Live Here Anymore”. A light guitar picking brings in what starts as a softer opening, until the chorus pounds the power once again. This song is a triumph of songwriting perfection. The guitar solo here is also a remarkable performance unto itself. It sounds like a hit from decades past, but also much more than just that.
Another dusky number, “Another Time, Another Place” has a driving beat and understated power. “The Night To Remember” then turns up the heat! This is the kind of song that Def Leppard should be writing today, but seems to have forgotten how. There are many highlights on this album, and they seem to be clustered at the start and end of this album! “The Night To Remember” is top notch.
Going back to the “don’t get in my way” theme of the album opener, the closer bookends it with “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Me Now”. It’s a tough little chunky number that kind of sounds like you’ve known it all your life. The guitar blitzes on this one are exemplary and serves to help close the album on a suitably dramatic note. Drive has a feeling of a journey, coming back home at the end to the place you began.
Released at the right time in history, Drive would have been a multi-platinum smash remembered in the same breath as Hysteria and Slippery When Wet. “Another Time, Another Place” indeed. Truth.
5/5 stars
I am so proud of this episode of Rock Daydream Nation with Peter Kerr. The story goes something like this:
(Australian accent) – Hey Mike, how would you like to do a show on Purple Rain by Prince?
(Canadian accent) – I’ve never listened to a Prince album in my life, are you sure you want me to do this? Because I would.
(Australian accent) – Yes that’s exactly what I’m looking for.
So I went into this very curious, since I have heard the praises of Prince sung by many that I respect. I listened to Purple Rain eight times in the week leading up to this show. As for how it all went? You’ll just have to watch and see. This is how Peter describes it:
First time listener to Prince “Purple Rain” – Rock Daydream Nation featuring Mike Ladano…The premise of this show is that Mike has never listened to a Prince album. We have remedied that situation and have assigned Mike to listen and appraise the 1984 album ‘Prince and the Revolution “Purple Rain”‘. This was a fun, meaningful show that reviews the music of Prince but also looks at the historical context of Purple Rain – the album and the movie.
Peter, thank you so much for inviting me to do this show. It’s my favourite Rock Daydream Nation yet!
Thanks to Jen, Dr. K, my parents and my Aunt Lynda for a wonderful Christmas haul this year.
Music:
Jen spoiled me with junk food and treats. Canadians of a certain age remember a drink called Tahiti Treat that doesn’t exist anymore. Jen found something called Tahitian Treat fruit punch that I hope will be similar. This was quite a nice batch of sugary snacks.
There were other assorted cool things too, such as comic books, funky socks, a hat with a light, and sardines! I also received Moby-Dick and look forward to the reading challenge.
For those curious, yes I did sabotage my mom’s Christmas village one more time.
Unfortunately, we also received the call this morning that Grandma has Covid again, which means we won’t be seeing her tonight. She’s none too happy but we will see when she’s well again. This is round two for her.
This Christmas I want to express gratitude to everyone who is in my life. This was a great Christmas. I even got a toilet light!
mikeladano.com 