Christmas

REVIEW: Trailer Park Boys Xmas Special w/ Conky Puppet, Dope and Liquor Editions! With Video! (DVD)

TRAILER PARK BOYS Xmas Special  (Conky Puppet, Dope and Liquor Editions)

Upon first release in 2004, I bought the Trailer Park Boys Xmas Special.  It was a compulsory purchase.  This excellent show, one of the funniest on TV, had yet to issue the special as a part of a box set.  Plus it came with a Conky puppet!  Fans of the show know Conky to be the evil but hilarious puppet who has a tendency to take over Bubbles’ brain.  Surely, “Conky” is one of the two best episodes of the show.  The other would be “Closer to the Heart” featuring Alex Lifeson.

See the video to check out LeBrain’s Conky puppet!

I remember Tom used to put the Conky puppet on top of his Christmas tree!

Then, in 2006, I found the reissued “Dope and Liquor Edition” at a store for $5, and re-bought it, even though I already own the version that came with the Conky puppet. Why?

1. Because I’m crazy like that and I love TPB.
2. Because it was cheap enough to warrant the second purchase.
3. Because the previously unreleased (on DVD) “Trailer Park Boys 101” special as hosted by Alex Lifeson was worth it to me.

This double-length episode (actually titled, “Dear Santa Claus, Go Fuck Yourself”) on its own is one of the best the series ever produced. Taking place in 1997, well before the fictional adventures of Ricky, Julian, and Bubbles were documented, this episode reveals a lot of Trailer Park Boys backstory and delivers a lot of laughs.

Ricky is bailed out of jail on Christmas Eve to help Julian with his present stealing racket. Ricky’s unhappy because Christmas is the best time to be in jail (“12 days of partying,” Ricky says). It doesn’t take long for Mr. Lahey to get wise to the theft scheme, and with his new friend Randall in tow, he promptly gets back on the liquor. In the meantime, sidekicks Jamie and Tyrone discover rap music and marijuana, while Ricky and Julian use “nerds” Corey and Trevor to help steal Christmas trees.

Some of the funniest dialogue in the show’s history was right here in the Christmas special. Ricky mistaking God for Santa Claus is priceless (if you’re not offended).

Ricky: Dad, I write letters every year, you know that. I mean, I’m sending a letter off to the big guy tomorrow. So, it’s taken care of. Done. No problem.

Ray: Huh?

Ricky: The letters… You and Mom got me to write them every year at Christmas. I’m sending one off tomorrow again.

Ray: To Santa Claus, Rick?!

Ricky: Yeah, the big guy.

Bubbles: The big guy?! The big guy? That’s God, Ricky.

Ricky: Yeah, God. That’s what I said. Santa.

Ray: Ricky, come on, you know Santa and God aren’t the same guy, right?

Ricky: Dad, you didn’t know that? I mean, think about it! How would he get around the world in one night? Of course he’s the same person. Right, Bubs?

Bubbles: No, Ricky. Santa and God, that’s two different things.

Ricky: What? Oh my fuck! You know, I did maybe think that I fucked that up. I wasn’t sure, and I didn’t want to say anything just in case Santa was God. Like, it would obviously, probably, wouldn’t it piss him off that I got that mixed up like that?

By the time you get to his big speech at the end, (“Christmas is about getting drunk and stoned with your family!”) you’ll be howling.

Like I said, this is hilarious if you’re not easily offended. If you are, I would advise you to stay far away from everything Trailer Park Boys. If you enjoy well delivered, largely improvised dialogue performed by the east coast’s favourites, then dig in for some Christmas dinner.

The special features here are the typical TPB fare. Alternate takes, extended takes, bloopers, and so on abound, making this worth your coin. As I mentioned before, to make up for the lack of the Conky puppet, the Dope and Liquor Edition has the Alex Lifeson documentary. As a Rush and TPB fan, this was worth the re-buy for me. You also get a preview for the first TPB movie, although this is well out of date now.

Merry Christmas, make sure mom is nowhere around when you watch this!

5/5 stars (for both)

Conky

Part 150: Smells Like Presents

RECORD STORE TALES Part 150:  Smells Like Presents

Our original computerized inventory system forced us to manually type in every album title ourselves.  Out of sheer boredom, often we’d shake it up a bit.  For example, just for laughs, we’d often input Alanis Morissette’s album Jagged Little Pill in the system as Jagged Little Pillow.  Or whatever.

When we saw this Celine Dion Christmas album come in, somebody came up with a clever custom title for our system.  Remember that Marilyn Manson album, Smells Like Children?  Take a look at the Celine Dion album cover.  You’ll understand why we used to call this one Smells Like Presents!

Photo0942

Part 144: Mambo #5

RECORD STORE TALES Part 144:  Mambo #5

Ahh, December.  Christmas!  Traditionally, it’s a time when people used to come in, by the masses, looking for whatever that season’s one hit wonder was.  I was just thinking today about this goof that’s out right now, this Psy person.  I was thinking about how people are probably buying his song like there’s no tomorrow this season.  Then in the new year, when his 15 minutes are up, he’ll be in every bargain bin across the nation.

A similar thing happened in 1999.  You might remember a one hit flash in the pan called Lou Bega.  A little number called “Mambo #5”.

I had the unfortunate experience of having to hear his album over and over that season. Y’see, it’s not just the general public that was going for that one hit wonder crap, there were also a couple record store people too.  (For shame!)  I won’t say who subjected us to this album, numerous times, but she knows who she is.

It’s because of her that I know there’s also another song on Lou Bega’s album called “1+2=2”, which is basically the exact same song as “Mambo #5”, just with different words.

As is always the case, in the new year, we couldn’t give that sucker away.  As it sat collecting dust on our shelves, one of our customers put it succinctly:

“Lou Bega?  Huh huh huh…more like Lou Beggin’ for Change!”

Couldn’t have said it better myself.

Happy holidays!

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Brian Vollmer of HELIX!
Brian Vollmer and I, back in in 2007 at Planet Helix!

September 7, 2012:  Once again, things are getting exciting on Planet Helix.  If the new single / video “All I Want For Christmas is the Leafs to Win the Cup” wasn’t enough, there’s also the new anthology, Best Of 1983-2012.

Lead vocalist and founding member of Helix, Brian Vollmer talked to us about these releases, some special upcoming dates, and a lot more.

The new single seems to be off to a good start, according to the song’s co-writer, Sean Kelly.  Brian filled us in.

“Sean’s from North Bay [Ontario], and he told me we’re getting airplay up in North Bay on that song.”  The video is also doing well:  “We’re up over 5000 hits now, and we’re hoping that the video goes viral.  It’s early in the season…there might not even be an NHL season this year!”

Oh Brian, don’t get me started on Gary Bettman!

The collector in me was excited about the vinyl release of the single.  It’s also going to be on the anthology CD, but the vinyl is designed for collectors in mind.

“I had initially wanted to do vinyl on the Christmas album [A Heavy Mental Christmas], but when we wrote this song, I thought that we’d do vinyl because it’s a collector’s item.  It’s kind of a novelty type of thing, and I think that it’ll appeal to not only Helix fans but also Toronto Maple Leafs fans.  They might like the vinyl just to have in the rec room up in the bar.  We sell it for $19.99 so it makes a great stocking stuffer for people.

“We did it on green vinyl too, to fit in with the season somewhat, and when we go through that pressing we’ll probably change colours.”  Just FYI Brian:  my wife, Mrs. LeBrain, is really hoping for blue!

“We’ve been trying to write a Leafs song for a couple years,” adds Brian.  “We had the working title of ‘I’m Bleeding Blue & White Tonight’.  And we never quite got the song together.  And then we did a radio session, where we were finishing off [new song]  ‘Axe to Grind’, which is also on the anthology album.”  Brian was then supposed to meet up with Travis Wood, of the band Whosarmy (from the TV show Cover Me Canada, which Brian also guested on incidentally).

“I didn’t want to go too early, and just sit around at the restaraunt.  So we started fooling around and all of a sudden, within a couple of minutes we wrote ‘All I Want For Christmas is the Leafs to Win the Cup’.  The song was recorded within two weeks.”  The hilarious video was done right after that.  I forgot to ask Brian if any Habs fans are offended!


All I Want For Christmas is the Leafs to Win the Cup

You can buy the single on the green vinyl in a bundle with a T-shirt and the new CD, Best Of 1983-2012.  “The Best Of album I just put out has a lot of tracks that you wouldn’t normally hear [on other best of albums] by Helix.  Stuff like ‘Animal Inside’ off the Vagabond Bones  album.  ‘Get Up’ and ‘Fill Your Head With Rock’ from The Power of Rock and Roll album.”

Coinciding with these releases is the forthcoming Heavy Mental Christmas tour.

“Yes, we just added another date in Cornwall.  We have seven dates, mostly through Masonic temples, legions, moose halls, through southern Ontario.  It’s a multi-media show.  We’re taking out screens, so there’s some video segues between songs, other times there’s still pictures with Christmas themes…some of the cameras that are places strategically around stage are broadcasting whatever member might be doing a solo during the song.”

You may want to consider getting your tickets now, as these shows are special indeed, and feature a new lineup.  Not only will you meet the new Helix guitarist, John Claus, but “also Sarah Smith.  Sarah Smith is a great London [Ontario] artist, she’s got two CDs out now under her belt, she’s a great addition to the show.  Just a smiling, very talented person.  She’s on with us instead of Kaleb [“Duckman” Duck, guitars].  Kaleb really didn’t want to do Christmas songs!  Initially, we were going to go with one guitar player, and then I thought of Sarah.”

This turned out to be a good decision, according to Brian:

“I always walk out of our Christmas practices with a big smile on my face.  I love playing the material, and it’s really fun with this group of people, to do these songs.  I wouldn’t want somebody to do any of my projects that wasn’t totally into it.

“It’s a labour of love.  We’ve been working on this show over a year now.”

Really?

“Setting up the website, and the tickets, and the halls, and putting together the show, learning the show, and getting the multi-media involved.”  But it is truly a labour of love, and you can tell by the amount of work that Brian and the band has put in so far.

I mentioned new guitar player John Claus.  As previously reported, longtime axeman Brent Doerner will be leaving Helix at the end of September 2012.  Brian helps shed some light on this lineup change, and what bringing in a new member does for the band.

“We have two more dates with Brent at the end of this month.  One’s at the Rockpile in Toronto, the other’s at the Masonic Temple in Stratford.  That’s a multi-media show as well.  Tickets are going fast for that one, I think a lot of people want to come and see Brent before he goes.

“Brent’s been in the band since about 1975.  No hard feelings with him leaving at all.  He just wants to pursue video production, and in fact, Brent will still be involved on a creative level  with the band, helping us do our videos.

“I tell everyone that Brent, when he initially came back to the fold, he was only going to be here for six months, and he ended up staying three and a half years!  He definitely was better than his word, and stayed for a long time.  So I’m really grateful to him for that.”

On John Claus, who will replace Brent:

“He plays piano and guitar.  He sings, so he’s a great addition to the band.  Nice guy, great personlity.  Whenever we hire new people in the band, we don’t want any ego trips.  So, to get someone who has a nice personality and just a good human being is a nice thing to have.”  John will join the band completed by longtime members Daryl Gray and Greg “Fritz” Hinz, on bass and drums respectively.

The piano aspect will come into play for future shows.  Brian reveals that he and John will probably perform “Dream On”, the Nazareth cover, from Helix’s Wild in the Streets album, as a duo during upcoming Helix concerts.  “And the Christmas shows, we’re doing ‘Hallelujah'” says Brian of another piano-based cover to look forward to!

It’s great to see Helix continue forward through the years.  Brian has worked hard, starting in the 1970’s as an indi artist, and now today continuing down that path.  Once again the band is behind their own music releases, selling it themselves.  Brian has nothing but praise for the team he’s surrounded himself with in recent years.

“I write with Sean [Kelly] nowadays, he’s a great writer, nice person to work with.  Aaron Murray is my producer, he studied from Danny Broadback, who won a Juno for Engineering.  And Danny studied with Jack Richardson, who as you know produced Alice Cooper and the Guess Who, and all sorts of people.”  Brian adds, “Moe Berg [The Pursuit of Happiness] sometimes comes in to write with us, Sean and I.”

Thanks to Brian Vollmer for updating us on all the new happenings on Planet Helix!  Try to get out to see the Heavy Mental Christmas tour, and get tickets while you can!

Upcoming dates:

http://www.planethelix.com/Schedule.htm

Buy the new Helix single, album, and other stuff:

http://www.planethelix.com/Store/StoreMain.htm

Audio of our chat below!

 SOUNDCLOUD

Part 65: Vinyl

RECORD STORE TALES Part 65: Vinyl

We’d always dabbled in vinyl.  We didn’t do a lot of vinyl, it was the 90’s after all, and vinyl was dead.  We didn’t buy it used, but sometimes something big came out on vinyl that we had to carry.  For example:

In 1994, Pearl Jam released Vitalogy on LP a week earlier than the CD.  We stocked five and they sold out on day one.

In 1996, Soundgarden came out with Down On The Upside LP a week earlier than the CD, so we stocked that.  I can’t remember how many we stocked, but I do remember it took years to sell them!

My copy, still sealed...that's my handwriting too.

My copy, still sealed…that’s my handwriting too.

A bit later on, my buddy Tom opened his own branch and decided to stock used vinyl.  He was the only one to try it, he had a vinyl room in the back.  They phased the vinyl out rapidly after Tom moved on, as he was the chief expert buyer.  However during the period that Tom carried vinyl, I filled so many gaps in my collection.

Here’s some examples.  You have to remember that at the time, these might not have been out on any digital format at all, and downloading hadn’t hit us yet.

  • Ozzy’s Live EP, still unreleased on any digital format today.
  • Helix’s first two, Breaking Loose and White Lace & Black Leather albums, autographed by the late Paul Hackman.  I think these were in Tom’s 25 cent bin.
  • Hear N’ Aid, Ronnie James Dio’s 1986 charity LP featuring exclusive tracks from Kiss and others.
  • Guns N’ Roses 12″ single for “Patience” with an exclusive interview with Axl on the B-side
  • Kim Mitchell, the legendary Max Webster frontman’s first solo foray from 1982.  Easily my favourite record of his entire storied career, and impossible to find on CD under $100.
  • Max Webster’s Live Magnetic Air from 1979, a hard find on CD for sure.

That’s just a sampling, there were many more.  And that’s just that stuff that I bought.  I’m sure Tom saw many a rare disc float his way.

There was one record I’ll never forget.  This sucker was worth $100 right there.  It was by a band from Oshawa Ontario, called Christmas.  It had a tank on the cover.  I guess they had this cult following and only a small quantity of records were made, let alone survived.  And musically, it wasn’t bad.

I’m glad that vinyl is back in a fairly significant way again.  I enjoy buying it, and I enjoy playing it.

I want a USB turntable for my birthday.  I accept gifts.