“Michael Bay is the Nickelback of movies.” — Mrs. LeBrain

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#427: I Do Want to Miss This Thing

Blame Michael Bay.

Quite possibly the worst movie director of all time may be responsible for the downfall of Aerosmith.  I’m not talking about the “Falling in Love (Is Hard on the Knees)” music video, which he directed.  No, that was not the downfall.  In fact quality-wise, Nine Lives was a bit of an up-tick from Get A Grip.  It’s too bad that sales didn’t match (2 million sold U.S. vs. 7 million U.S.), but that’s the fickle finger of fate.  The tastes of the public seldom make a perfect match with hard rock quality.

Since Nine Lives would have been considered a bit of a sales disappointment in some camps, it probably didn’t take Steven Tyler much coercing to do a Diane Warren ballad for a movie soundtrack.  Of course, Tyler’s daughter Liv was the headline actress in the flick, so from that standpoint it was a once in a lifetime opportunity for them to work on the same project.  Unfortunately for the world, that project was Armageddon.  Not quite as bad as a real meteor heading to Earth, this Michael Bay stinker made so much money, that some reports suggest that Bay wallpapered his 43 bedroom mansion entirely in Benjamin Franklins.  There’s that problem with the tastes of the masses, again.

So Bay, aided and abetted by Bruce Willis, Billy Bob Thorton, and Steve fucking Buscemi, laid this turd of a movie and all it needed was a turd soundtrack.  As for what happened next, Uncle John’s Bathroom Reader 2015 desktop calendar* has the answer:

For many fans, this was the beginning of the end of Aerosmith.  Some truly dreadful music followed “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”, such as Just Push Play and (ewww) “(It) Feels So Good”.  Can Aerosmith be redeemed?  I don’t know the answer to that.

What I do know this is, and it’s quite simple.

If Michael Bay didn’t make this damned movie, Aerosmith wouldn’t have had this damned million selling single!

Message to Michael Bay:  Stay away from things I like!

* These things are brilliant and I recommend them to anyone who does not have a stunted sense of humour!