RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#384: The Messenger
I hate computer instant messenger services! Â Actual conversation from the Record Store circa 2004-ish:
Boss – “Mike, I’ve heard that you are using MSN Messenger at work against store policy.”
Me – “What? Â No, that’s wrong. Â I don’t even use MSN Messenger.”
Boss – “Are you calling the person who told me a liar?”
Me – “I guess so. Â Who told you?”
Boss – “I’m not telling you that. Â This your verbal warning. Â If I hear about this again you’re getting a written warning.”
Me – “But that’s not fair, they’re wrong.  It wasn’t me!  I don’t even like MSN!”
Boss – “I don’t believe you. I think you are lying to me. Â The other person has no reason to lie.”
So that one unfairly went on my record, and I maintain to this day that I HATED MSN MESSENGER! Â If you’ve used it, you know what I’m talking about. Â I had signed up for an account, but I found it to have no benefits and provided nothing but distraction. Â Below, you will find an example of what it’s like to try and write (or do anything) with MSN Messenger on.
“It was a dark, stormy night on the coastline of the small uninhabited…” [MSN BEEP!] “…island. Â The man wore a thin coat that did not protect him…” [BEEP!] [BEEP!] “…from the rain. Â He dragged through the mud a large [BEEP!] canvas duffle bag that [BEEP!] was already soaked completely [BEEP!] through to its contents. The man shuffled onwards, awkwardly [BEEP!] pulling the load behind [BEEP!] him. Â He grimaced as he readjusted his [BEEP!] GODDAMN THIS MSN I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL PUNCH THE MONITOR IF IT BEEPS ONE MORE DAMN TIME!”
I don’t remember who talked me into signing up for MSN in the first place, but it was probably some girl that I was interested in at the time. Â Once set up, my computer signed me in automatically at every boot, because I never figured out how to disable it afterwards. Â Indeed, our store tech guy couldn’t even disable it on our work computers. Â He could hide it and prevent it from starting at setup, but he couldn’t completely delete it from Windows. Â Thanks, Microsoft. Â The only employee that I knew for certain used it at work was Spoogecakes, who left herself logged in one day after her shift!
I did use email at work (just like the same bosses did) against store policy. Â But MSN? Â Hell no! Â The reason I know that is that I hate MSN Messenger to this day, just like I hate chickpeas or lentils! Â I had one, just like all the cool kids, but the sound of that “MSN beep” is still enough to make me jump out of my chair.
I couldn’t make it all the way through this video.


