We Are the Champions

REVIEW: Queen – “We Will Rock You” and “We Are the Champions” Ruined By Rick Rubin EP (1991)

QUEEN – “We Will Rock You” and “We Are the Champions” Ruined By Rick Rubin EP (1991 Hollywood Basic)

Mercifully, it’s short.  But did they know they were making a piece of shit?  “Ruined by Rick Rubin”.  “Mix Engineer Under Protest: Brendan O’Brien”.  “Engineering and Additional Bad Ideas:  Jason Corsano”.  Those are the actual credits.  They had to know these remixes were awful.  Connecting the dots, this remix EP must have been the brainchild of Hollywood records.

Rubin claims that “We Will Rock You” was a perfect record already, so he thought “I can’t improve upon it, I may as well throw the whole kitchen sink at it,” more or less.  This was a single that went along with the 1991 reissue of News of the World, which included the first remix here as a bonus track.  Not much of a bonus, really!

“We Will Rock You” begins with the sound of a scratchy record, then the handclaps, before everything goes bonkers.  A droning sound is accompanied by drum loops.  This goes on for a while, with the original track playing underneath, guitar solo and all.  Then it explodes with additional drums by the Chili Peppers’ Chad Smith (credited here for “bombastic skin attack”.  Flea is on additional bass (credited as “supercharged bass from hell”).  Records scratch, people shout “yeah” (or “blah” or something), until it is mercifully all over after an agonizing five minutes.  One of the worst remixes in music history.

It gets worse.  An instrumental remix follows.  This is just the loops and scratches, and whatever samples thrown in.  There are things that sound like horns, and more of that droning sound.

The next track ruined by remixes is “We Are the Champions”.  This version is blasphemous.  A rapper chants, “Aint it funky!” between Freddie’s lines.  The pointless loops and additional bullshit are present and accounted for.  The choruses are relatively intact, but forget about the verses.  Did “We Are the Champions” need drum loops and reggae dubbed in?  Unlistenable.

Back to “We Will Rock You” with the “Big Beat A Capella”.  This means the vocal track from the song, without the handclaps, but stupid drums (and even steel drums) looped over.  Steel drums on “We Will Rock You”.

Finally, there is the “Zulu Scratch A Capella” remix of “We Will Rock You” and I don’t even wanna bother.  It’s mostly just the vocal track with minor manipulations and a few scratches.  The only good thing about it is its brevity.

This remix EP is for collectors only.  If you’re a Queen completist, or a Red Hot Chili Peppers diehard who has to have every note that Flea farted out, go for it.  Everyone involved should be embarrassed about this flaming turd, and judging by the credits, I think they are.

0/5 stars

Part 192: Mix One

MIX ONE

RECORD STORE TALES Part 192:  Mix One

Blank discs are so cheap, and musical tastes so fleeting today, that I wonder if anybody but me still has the first mix CD they ever burned?

I’m hoping some of you have, and I’m hoping to hear it about from you too.  My first disc was made in early 2001 when we got our first burner.  It was made for a very specific purpose.

At the store, there was an informal rule that if you were closing one day and opening the next, it was “OK” to borrow a movie overnight, watch and return it.  So if that was true for movies, why not a CD?  Why not a dozen?  A few nights after having the CD burner installed, I borrowed a bag full of discs and burned this compilation on a Maxell CD-R 650.  74 minutes!  Up to 16x certified!

I returned the discs the next day, all albums that I wanted one or two songs from, but not the whole album.  Many were soundtracks and tribute albums.  I ended up buying The Strokes’ album a few weeks later, an ill-advised purchase that yielded only two or three listens.  I don’t have that one anymore.  But I still have my mix CD with “Last Nite”!

The Robbie Williams + Queen track is taken from the soundtrack to A Knight’s Tale.  I shall maintain the anonymity of the store employee who had the crush on Heath Ledger and inundated us with this soundtrack.  The same disc also yielded “I Want to Take You Higher” by Sly and the Family Stone.

Track 3 is an industrial-rock hybrid tune called “Violent New Breed”.  I later purchased the Violent New Breed album by Shotgun Messiah.  Industrial rock fans will know that Messiah’s original bassist/singer was Tim Tim, aka Tim Sköld of KMFDM, Marilyn Manson, and his eponymous band.  I liked the title track enough to later buy the album and the prior one too.  Both were keepers.

I’ve been a Goo Goo Dolls fan for a while so I thought I would grab their INXS cover “Don’t Change” from an Ace Ventura soundtrack.  Their cover of “Bitch” came from the 1993 No Alternative compilation album.

Apparently I was on a Warrior Soul kick at that time as well.  Shame that there isn’t a great Warrior Soul compilation album that suits all my needs.  I bought and sold their studio albums.  As for Michael Jackson, I later decided to add a single disc compilation to my collection, offsetting my burning of “Billie Jean”.

This being a real odds n’ ends disc, it’s not a spellbinding listen today.  It’s fun to remind myself of some oddball tracks that I liked enough to burn but not enough to buy.  I’m also amused by the title Mix One, the first of many!  And I was even doing cover art back then, too.  On the cover is myself dressed up as the alien from Part 148: Navigate the Seas of the Sun!

2/5 stars!

NEXT TIME ON RECORD STORE TALES…

The return of the Dandy!