By all of us: Mike, Harrison, Aaron KMA, John T. Snow and the 80sMetalMan
A very special episode for Christmas, this one was written by all five of us! I asked each author to write their own portion of the story, where their characters arrive bearing gifts and glad tidings for Deke and Tee Bone. As you read, each writer’s style comes into play as their characters join the story. We sincerely hope you will enjoy…
THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN CHAPTER XI: A Tee Bone Man Christmas Special
The snow fell softly on the moon-lit night. The air was briskly cold and the breath of the Stranger dressed in black wafted in puffs as he walked through the deserted Thunder Bay town square. Not a soul was to be seen, though joyful colourful lights adorned the windows of the square. For it was Christmas, the happiest time of year for boys and girls and everyone on this glowing night. As all children know, Christmas comes but once a year, and the spirit of giving was floating high in the air tonight. The Stranger bore a black-wrapped parcel under his arm, as he strode determinedly through the square, towards the outskirts of town. Beneath the streetlights, snowflakes drifted at their own leisurely pace, in no hurry to meet the ground.
Flakes melted as they landed on the brim of the Stranger’s dark hat; little bright stars of white that glittered like diamonds for a brief half-life before they disappeared into the obsidian. He trudged past a snowman, who looked on indifferently with his frozen ice expression, as the pure white crunched beneath the Stranger’s black boots. A single car turned the corner and made its way home from a late-night errand. The Stranger kept walking, leaving deep and crisp prints in the blanket of white.
At Deke’s Palace, Tee Bone Man and Superdekes were all snuzzled in their wuzzles after too much egg nog and an extra pipeful of Santa’s magic. Though Tee Bone Man’s snoring was legendary, on this night, he barely made a sound. A true Christmas miracle! Superdekes had fallen asleep in his armchair again, but smiled as he snoozed, dreaming dreams of glittery new gifts and happy cheers.
The sun cracked a ray of light through an uncovered window as it slowly made its lazy rise on Christmas Day. The ray of light shone directly onto Deke’s eyelids, which fluttered slightly. He continued to snooze away, but the sound of the morning birds outside roused him from his noggy slumber. His eyes slowly opened as Deke yawned a yawn suited to a champion like him. He grabbed his glasses from a nearly endtable (knocking over an empty mug of nog in the process) and rubbed his eyes. His back creaked as he got out of his recliner, so he gave it a good stretch. Snap, crackle and pop went his lower vertebrae as Deke raised his arms to the ceiling. That felt good! He looked over to his best friend Tee Bone Man sleeping on the couch, in his favourite pajamas. As usual, his cape acted as his blanket. What a cute sight he was, sleeping peacefully like a baby. He’d never slept so quiet before in his life!
Superdekes tip-toed over to the windows and opened the curtains all the way. Red rays of the rising sun broke through. It was indeed a gorgeous Christmas day. He made his way into the kitchen and made two coffees. Time to wake up his buddy and open some gifts!
Tee Bone Man’s nose started to twitch as the coffee brewed over in the next room. Deke wandered over to the couch and nudged his friend.
“Wakey wakey, big guy! Santa came!”
Tee Bone yawned himself awake with a big smile.
“Really? Santa Claus came for real?” asked the big man, removing his cape-covers revealing his pajamas underneath. He reached for his glasses so he could see.
“Yeah man, he made this coffee for you!” said Superdekes as he handed the steaming mug to Tee Bone. “And there’s a whole pile of gifts under the tree.”
Tee Bone Man reached for his glasses and sipped deeply of his coffee. “Santa broke out of the good coffee this morning I see,” said Tee Bone as he indulged in a second sip.
“Only the best for you, pal!” said Deke as they clinked mugs together. “Let’s get going on the gifts buddy! I’ve been excited all month for this!”
Tee Bone Man grabbed a stack of kindling, and started a cozy fire in the fireplace in the corner of the room. It began to crackle warmly as Deke plugged in the Christmas tree. The lights flickered to life and electronic ornaments whirred into motion. It was finally Christmas morning at Deke’s Palace and the boys were now ready! The pair sat by the tree and each grabbed a gift.
“You first, buddy!” said Deke as he handed Tee Bone a box, wrapped in elaborate red paper, with a red, blue and white bow.
“Montreal Canadiens colours eh?” said Tee Bone as he examined the box. He gave it a shake. “Is that a clue as to what’s inside?”
“Open it and see,” coaxed Deke.
Tee Bone ripped the paper open in half a second. He laughed when he saw the box beneath.
“A sleep apnea machine?!” laughed Tee Bone. “Is my snoring that bad?”
“Let’s just say that Frank Loffredo downtown has complained about it even when he has a punk band playing at Crocks.” The two laughed. “That’s just a gag gift though. Your real gift is over there on the stereo.”
Tee Bone looked towards the turntable and noticed a small package wrapped on top. He got up from the floor and opened the red, blue and white parcel. Out popped a pair of new socks. Iron Maiden socks! And this time, not cursed, like the last pair they had bought from a bootleg merchandiser!
“Maiden socks!” shouted Tee Bone in glee. Deke smiled at his friend’s expression. Tee Bone’s eyes were wide and his mouth was agape in surprise. In seconds, he had kicked off his slippers (they landed somewhere behind the stereo) and he had his new Maiden socks on his feet. Eddie’s eyes gleamed in silvery-red thread. The embroidery was top-notch.
“I’m so happy right now,” said Tee Bone in genuine warmth.
“I’m glad to see you so happy,” said his best friend. “You deserve it. You’ve had a hard year. Been through a lot. Merry Christmas dude.”
“Merry Christmas to you too man,” said Tee. Lemme get some Scotch for these coffees. Never too early for Scotch. We’re not going anywhere today.
Tee Bone Man added some Scotch to their mugs and retrieved a large box from under the tree. He handed both to Superdekes who was shocked at the size of the box.
“Woah, dude, you went overboard this year,” said Deke as he examined the wrapping paper. “Wait a second…is this Billy Sheehan wrapping paper??”
Tee Bone winked. “Of course, isn’t that ‘Common Knowledge‘?”
“You dick!” laughed Deke. “Where did you find it?”
“I had it custom made!” answered Tee Bone. “I figured you’d like nothing better than to rip that guy’s picture apart for Christmas.”
“Hah! You got that right!” said Deke as he tore the paper right through Sheehan’s face. “That was satisfying,” he sighed.
Deke was surprised by what he held in his hands. “A new rocket? To replace the one you shot to Australia?”
“Yeah, I feel so badly for that,” said Tee Bone Man in embarrassment. “I owed you for that. Sorry man. I felt really bad.”
“It’s Christmas dude, nothing to be sorry for!” gushed Deke. “Thank you, man. I never understood why you shot that rocket to Harrison in Australia. Did you ever find out if he got it?”
Tee Bone shuddered a moment as his mind flashed back to summer. Summer at Camp…the “squeeing” of that squirrel…the smell of the rocket fuel as he shot that little bastard off to Down Under, about as far away from Camp as he could imagine. Tee Bone had never told Deke the truth of that holiday, that he had been bested and broken by a damn rodent. He had buried the trauma deep in his psyche.
“Hah,” said Tee Bone absently. “I don’t know. I never asked. Who cares.”
Deke had been concerned for his friend’s mental wellbeing lately, ever since that trip to Camp. Tee Bone has been jittery and absent minded ever since.
“Well, thank you,” said Deke, trying to snap his friend back to the present, with presents. “This is really cool. I just need to do a few of my custom mods to it and it’ll be even better than my last rocket. Can’t wait to give it a test flight this summer. You did well man!”
Tee Bone, now back to normal, smiled and said “Cheers Deke!” as he raised his mug to his best friend. “There’s more though. I couldn’t just give you a rocket that I clearly owed you anyway. Grab that big heavy box wrapped in blue.”
Deke barely lifted the heavy box onto his lap. “What’s this?” he asked puzzled.
“Open it and see you goof!” laughed Tee Bone.
Deke ripped into the blue paper, only to see more blue beneath.
“The KISS Creatures of the Night box set!!” Deke glowed in happy surprise. “Thank you, man!” Deke danced across the room and gave his friend a big hug. It was then that the two heard a knock at the door.
“Was that a knock?” asked Tee. “Are you expecting anybody?”
Deke shook his head to the negative. “Not until tonight, when the families show up for Christmas dinner. Darr offered to come over early and help set the table.”
“That’s not Darr,” said Tee Bone as he peaked through the spyhole. He saw a stranger at the door, with a hat concealing most of his features. Under his arm, the stranger held a box wrapped in black paper. “Think it’s OK?” he asked Deke.
Deke shrugged. “It’s Christmas…open the door.”
Tee Bone unlocked the three locks and disarmed the electronic door security measures. He opened the door a little and greeted the stranger.
“Merry Christmas stranger! What can I do for you today?” Tee Bone asked the man in the black hat.
A Luke Skywalker lookalike removed his hat and laughed. “Stranger? As if you didn’t save my life from a Sasquatch this year!”
“Brainiac!!” shouted Tee Bone and Superdekes in unison. “Come in man! Come and have some Scotch & coffee with us!”
The Brainiac removed his heavy black coat and hung it near the fireplace. He placed his gift down on the ground and took a seat near the fire. Within seconds, Deke had served up another warm mug, which the Brainaic accepted from his happy host.
“Good to see you guys,” said the Brainiac as he took his first sip. “Wow,” he remarked under his breath at the powerful beverage. He looked up at his hosts. “Meaty Man couldn’t make it so I bear gifts on his behalf. I feel like we never got to thank you properly for saving us from that Sasquatch.”
“Ahh that was nothing!” said Superdekes. “That’s at least twice a week up here in Thunder Bay,” he explained. Tee Bone Man nodded in agreement as Deke continued. “A lot of people think Tee Bone Man and I are always saving the world from existential threats. The truth is, we spend most of our time just looking out for Sasquatches. It’s routine now. Not a glamorous job, but it’s what we do,” finished the superhero.
“Well, you saved our lives and I have come to say thanks and Merry Christmas,” said the Brainiac. “I hope you like your gift. It’s a custom.”
“Let’s open it together,” said Tee Bone. He and Deke picked up the black-wrapped package and each grabbed a corner. With a 1-2-3, the two ripped the paper off, revealing a custom Lego set beneath. “Woah!!” the pair exclaimed as they stared at the gift. “Is this…?”
“Yes, it is. That is a custom-made Lego Ultimate Collector’s Series Superdeke’s Flying Motorcycle. I ordered it from Australia. It comes with Lego versions of you guys, a guitar for Tee Bone, and the bike converts to flying mode with no partsforming needed!”
“Thank you so much,” said Tee Bone Man in genuine gratitude. “This is going to be so fun for us to build. It’s going to look great over there by the amps.” Tee Bone pointed over towards his amp stack in the corner.
“It can go right on top,” said Deke. “Thanks man. I’m sorry but we don’t have anything for you.”
“That’s OK,” smiled the Brainiac. “Giving is better than receiving.” The trio smiled and raised a holiday cheer with their mugs.
Spirits at the Palace were high. Suddenly, from out on the lawn there arose such a clatter. Loud “Wahoos!” could be heard approaching, and everyone knew what that meant as the doorbell rang.
The door swung wide and in walked Aaron, Manager of the KMA Eastern Offices! Otherwise known as “Mr. Books”, he was the general all-around Community cheerleader. The guys first met him at the concession stands of Iron Maiden concert two months prior. They kept in touch and had become close.
“Thanks for locking the door Tee Bone,” nudged Deke sarcastically.
“Ho ho ho!” grinned Aaron, with high fives all around. “Nice pajamas, boys!” There was a sack slung over his shoulder as he made his way to the tree and plopped himself down. “I come bearing gifts,” said Mr. Books, “and I think you’ll dig ‘em.”
The room became silent in anticipation!
Stretching a long skinny arm into his sack of gifts, the first gift was for Deke. Ripping into the wrapping paper, Deke held aloft an elegant, soft leather-bound book with his name on the front. “What the heck…?” Deke wondered aloud. Flipping pages, it dawned on him. “Is this what I think it is?”
Mr. Books nodded. “Yup, a full transcript of your entire blog to date, bound and ready for late-night fire-side readings!”
Deke smiled and said, “Mr. Books got me a book…!” to chuckles all around.
Back into the bag went the arm, and out came a prezzie for Tee Bone. It was smaller, but once the paper was ripped away, Tee Bone’s face lit up. “Where did you get this done?” he wondered aloud as he showed everyone the retail-ready version of the collected works (to-date) of Tee Bone. Its title read Tee Bone: Kick Ass.
“Wow!” said Tee Bone as he admired the shrink-wrapped CD with his name on the front.
“Oh, and by the way,” said Aaron, “Deke, your book is in the works at McLelland & Stewart for publication in the spring, and Tee Bone, your CD is printed with the LPs following next month, through Universal Music Canada. Enjoy! Community!”
Festivities ensued, as the boys handed Aaron his own mug of coffee and Scotch. Superdekes said “I feel a little bad getting all these gifts, and we didn’t have anything for anyone.”
“Don’t worry about it, just remember what the Brainiac said…it is better to receive than to give,” Tee Bone mumbled with a slight slur, as the booze was really kicking in. As was the party.
Suddenly, they heard a car horn, and loud noise from something that flew over their lair. Everyone jumped up and went outside where the bitter cold shrunk their manhoods up into their bodies. They looked up to see a bright red McLaren soaring overhead being pulled by nine…snowmen? Yep, nine snowmen. The one out front even had a red nose. This could only mean one thing.
The McLaren circled and was set to glide in for a landing. As the snowmen touched down, the one with the red nose tripped and fell causing all the other snowmen to follow course. The flying car came in hard and ran over all the snowmen destroying them, as they blended in with all the snow that was already covering the landscape.
The car door opened and out jumped John “the Snowman” himself. “Wow! That was sure as hell fun. Thought I was going to stick that landing. I guess I’ll have to drive back now without the snowmen to pull me.”
Superdekes and Tee Bone Man looked each other and shook their heads. They both simultaneously uttered a bewildered “What an idiot”.
“Merry Christmas guys!” the Snowman screamed. “I’m here bearing gifts. I wanted to thank you guys again for all you do.” As he pulled a large sack from the trunk. It looked really heavy and almost looked like he was dragging a body.
They all shook hands, and led the Snowman into their lair out of the cold and away from the lunacy they witnessed.
“Come on in Snowman, and have a drink”, Tee Bone said invitingly. The Snowman nodded and followed, dragging the bag behind him. He went to the bar first grabbing a whole bottle instead of a glass. Then he sat down in the seat of his choosing not caring that it was Superdekes’ armchair, and he didn’t see how perturbed Superdekes was about it.
The Snowman looked at the bag with a silly shit-eating grin on his face. “Superdekes, this is for you.” He opened the bag and out popped a head. The head had tape over the mouth and was squirming like crazy. The bag fell off the rest of the body and there standing in the lair was none other than Billy Sheehan, otherwise known as Common Knowledge! Deke’s arch nemesis!
Superdekes gasped, ”Holy moly!”
The Snowman untied the evil bassist, and then ripped the tape off Billy’s mouth. Billy let out a huge scream. “Remember what we discussed,” the Snowman said to Billy.
Billy turned to Superdekes and stated, “Superdekes, I am sorry for how I acted towards you and I want to apologize. It is ‘Common Knowledge’ that I’m a self-centered idiot, and sometimes I am rude to people. To show my sincerity, instead of signing my music rights over to some company where I can make millions, I am signing my rights over to you.” He handed a folder of paper to Superdekes.
Superdekes gasped, ”Holy moly!”
And with that, the Snowman showed Billy to the door and commanded, “Okay, now, get the hell out and you can walk back to your house!” He kicked him in the ass on the way out. Common Knowledge whimpered as he limped off in the snow.
Superdekes laughed, “That was so awesome! Not very Christmas-y, but awesome! I can’t thank you enough! That was so generous and illegal of you.”
The Snowman guffawed. “So what, I’ll pay off a judge if it comes to that, but I doubt he’ll say anything as I have pictures of Billy that he doesn’t want to be let out.”
“What do the pictures show?” Tee Bone Man asked.
“Oh, it has him actually getting a Covid shot,” The Snowman laughed even harder. The others chuckled as well. “I guess it is your turn now, Tee Bone Man.” The Snowman pulled out of the bag an Eddie Van Halen Frankstrat guitar…sorry not “an” Eddie Van Halen Frankenstrat…THE original Frankenstrat.
Tee Bone Man’s mouth fell open and asked, “I thought Satan had this.”
“He did, but even Satan has a price!” The Snowman answered with a smirk.
“Man, this is totally awesome. I can’t thank you enough,” Tee Bone Man graciously said. They all sat down and cranked tunes and laughed until it was time for the Snowman to head back out, since he was driving and not flying home.
Superdekes was getting too tipsy to get up, so Tee Bone Man showed the Snowman to the door. On the way out, as they said their goodbyes, the Snowman handed Tee Bone Man an envelope addressed to him with a “For Your Eyes Only” stamped on it. The Snowman said mysteriously, “As we talked about last week.”
Tee Bone Man nodded in understanding, but the Christmas spirit was boisterous this year. He gave the Snowman a big hug, and asked him to stay. “Listen, driving home, on a day like today…don’t leave Snowman, stay with us! Spend the night in the guest room of the Palace. You are more than welcome.”
“Are you sure?” the Snowman asked. He didn’t want to be that annoying guest who stayed too late.
“Absolutely! Stay the night! Like your favourite band Kiss says, rock and roll all nite Snowman!”
With that the Snowman kicked off his boots and settled in for more drinks with Aaron and the Brainiac.
Tee Bone man looked at the envelope that the Snowman handed him and tucked it into his sweater. Superdekes noticed this covert behaviour. “What’s that about?” he asked.
Tee Bone Man said dismissively, “it’s nothing.”
The day continued on as everyone celebrated. A grand lunch was enjoyed by all, but now at midday, a friendly game of air hockey between friends had taken a heated turn. Deke took objection to Tee Bone’s checking, and was about to give him a piece of his mind when the sound of a single-propeller aeroplane buzzed overhead. This was shortly followed by a loud thump and a muffled “Ow!” From the roof above. Tee Bone and Deke looked at each other. Unless Santa was very late, this could only be one person.
And sure enough, in the front yard stood Harrison Holden, the Australian hero El Moustachio. He was cracking his back and discarding a parachute to the snowy ground. Tee Bone ran out to greet him.
“Dude! It’s great to see you but you do know we have airports, right?”
“I didn’t want to wait to see you. Plus can you imagine trying to drive a car all the way out here?”
Tee Bone looked around. The Australian was right as they hadn’t even attempted to clear the snow from out the front of the Palace. And he certainly wasn’t about to begin now. Putting his arm around the Australian’s shoulder, he guided him towards Deke’s Palace.
“Well, you’re here now, so come on in. I think we’ve still got food leftover from lunch. Turkey dinner will be served at six. Now there’s something I’ve always been meaning to ask you. Do they have squirrels over there in Australia? And do you call them squirrels? Or do you call them squirrelaroos?”
“Well, not exactly. But you see…“
He was then interrupted as Deke also took the opportunity to ask Harrison something else he’d been meaning to for a while now.
“Hey Harrison, I just remembered to ask you. Did you get my rocket a while back?”
“Yeah, it crashed on the beach near my place. I salvaged what I could from it. Would you like me to bring it next time?”
“No, that’s fine”, Deke replied as they walked through the door. “I got a replacement today. I wanted to ask you about what Tee Bone sent to you…”
Deke’s question was interrupted by a loud banging and a crash in the kitchen.
“Sorry!” yelled the Brainiac from the kitchen. “I spilled the Scotch!” Deke forgot about his question as he smacked his head in frustration.
“I’m helping him clean!” shouted Aaron in response. “Me too!” screamed the Snowman, slightly easing Deke’s mind. But that Scotch wasn’t cheap!
The three men entered the Palace, and Harrison pulled his backpack off his back and reached into it.
“Well, I got a few more things for you guys. First up, an original vinyl of The Razor’s Edge, for you to share. Australian pressing of course.”
“Wicked! AC/DC!” Tee Bone exclaimed, taking the record. He ran his hand over it, feeling the aged cardboard under his fingers. “Feels exactly like 1990!”
Harrison reached back into his bag and pulled out an authentic Australian boomerang.
“I’m sorry to hear about your guitar Tee Bone. I know this won’t replace it, but it should give you some ranged offensive capabilities. And when you do get a new guitar, it will make a nice mantelpiece item.”
“Awesome, thank you”, Tee Bone said. He held the curved weapon in his hand. It had a satisfying weightiness and fit perfectly. “I did get a new guitar, but it’s not for missions. Take a look!”
Tee Bone gave Harrison a good thorough examination of the Frankenstrat. “Very cool! Is that the original?” asked Harrison.
“It sure is!” screamed the Snowman from across the room. Harrison gasped in astonishment at the piece of rock history standing before him. He took a moment to admire it, and then turned to Deke.
“And for you Deke, I give you the latest weapon in your arsenal.” The Australian handed Deke a metal chain with a round lump of metal on each end. Balls of steel, so to speak.
“They’re sort of like nunchucks, but much more damaging”, he said, with a smile.
Deke twirled them around. They were deceptively light, but Deke could tell from swinging them around that they’d pack a punch.
“Thanks man”, Deke replied. “I can think of quite a few uses for these.”
“Glad to hear. Merry Christmas guys.”
And the three men turned to continue the festivities as the others joined in.
The Scotch, as well as other alcoholic beverages continued to flow into Christmas afternoon. While sober Harrison volunteered to clean up in the kitchen, Tee Bone Man, Superdekes, Aaron, Brainiac and the Snowman all slumped themselves down on various pieces of furniture throughout the living room. Much to the silent annoyance of Deke, the Snowman once again was occupying his favourite armchair. All were now in a festive but quiet mood, as they digested their food. Together they enjoyed the Christmas songs recorded on an mp3 by the denizens of Rock Heaven.
“Is that Ronnie James Dio singing ‘Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire?'” asked a rather perplexed Aaron.
Superdekes raised his head and answered in the affirmative and then added, “And that’s Randy Rhoads on the guitar,” when the guitar solo came.
They were all ensconced in their enjoyment of the music, when they heard yet another knock at the door. Being the closest, Tee Bone Man staggered over and opened the door. He recognized the figure at the door straight away.
“Metalman!” How did you get here?” Tee Bone Man sputtered out in total surprise.
“Allow me to come in and I’ll tell you,” the Metalman replied.
Tee Bone Man opened the door wider and let the visitor in. “Hey everyone, it’s the Metalman!” he announced to the room.
The near slumbering Superdekes suddenly perked up. Sitting straight, he asked the question which was on both of their minds. “How did you get to Canada from England? I’m sure there wouldn’t be any flights now.”
“It seems I am a contact point between this world and Rock Heaven,” Metalman began. “I’ve been visited a few times by different deceased artists, mainly to make sure I am getting my historical facts right. Cliff Burton told me that if I hadn’t corrected myself when I wrote about Slayer’s Show No Mercy album, he would have personally come and haunted me forever. Anyway, they told me of a secret porthole between here and my home. The only way to open it is to play ‘Tom Sawyer’ backwards at double speed, I did and it took me straight to your door.”
Tee Bone Man took a second to absorb this information but then exclaimed, “Come and join the party! Superdekes you know, but this is Aaron, Harrison, Brainiac and the Snowman.” Harrison had finished cleaning the dishes and had rejoined the party. He shook Metalman’s hand with his fresh dish-soap Australian right.
Aaron struggled to his feet and stumbled over extending his hand to the Metalman. “So, you’re the guy who helped these two heroes save heavy metal.”
While Metalman nodded, Superdekes stood up and proclaimed, “He saved our lives! If it hadn’t been for him, we would have been driven insane by that device that Suplee character had.”
“Hey, you guys saved heavy metal from being erased from history. I was just glad to get the assist,” Metalman humbly responded, hoping the Canadians would be impressed with his hockey reference. They nodded in approval while Aaron let out a “Wahoo!” Metalman continued. “Anyway, I thought it would be cool to visit you guys. Besides, after nearly 36 wet Christmases in England, I wanted to see a white Christmas again, and where better than Canada.”
“That’s true,” Aaron stated. “We have the best winters.”
The Metalman continued, “I don’t come empty handed.” He reached into the bag he was holding and pulled out a bottle of beer with Stroud Brewery on the label. “All of these are from my local brewery and there’s plenty for all. And I got you a Christmas present.” Metalman turned his head to an unseen entity. “You can reveal yourself now.”
Aaron, Brainiac and the Snowman all must have thought the drink was getting the better of them as they saw a form begin to manifest itself in the room, though Tee Bone Man and Superdekes had seen it before. What they didn’t expect was exactly who was materializing in the room before their eyes. “Everyone,” Metalman announced with a huge grin on his face, “I brought Neil Peart.”
Seeing all the surprised expressions in the room, Neil spoke. “I had to meet the two guys who saved heavy metal. I would have loved to have come when Dio, Hanneman and Lemmy first contacted you but I was busy elsewhere. Besides, John Bonham was a good replacement.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Tee Bone Man said in complete astonishment to the Metalman. “We had no idea you were coming, we didn’t even get you a present.”
“Hey, like the other guys said, Christmas is about giving. I don’t think you could get me what I would really like. That is to meet my favourite Canadian band, the Killer Dwarfs, or at least Russ Graham.”
“You never know, they might be playing at Crocks next year. We’ll have to ask Frank,” Tee-Bone Man stated. Now let’s not think about next year, and enjoy our Christmas with our celebrity guest! With that, he bade Metalman to sit down and made him a special Scotch coffee. Meanwhile, Neil Peart stated, “If you fast forward that mp3 to track 152, I play drums for Elvis on this Christmas song.”
Superdekes followed Neil’s instruction and in no time, all the friends were back to rocking the Christmas festivities, in ways they never imagined possible before.
“That…was awesome,” said the Brainiac in summation of the Christmas Day he had just enjoyed.
“Wasn’t it?” asked Aaron, face reddened by too much drink. “Good to see ya my friend, it’s been too long.”
“How about you Harrison?” asked the Brainiac. “Did you have a good time today? Are you full of treats?”
“Am I ever,” said Harrison, “But I’m going to bring some of those roasted chestnuts home for a friend of mine.”
Deke stood and addressed the room.
“My friends, thank you for joining Tee Bone and I for Christmas. Soon our families will be here for the big Christmas Dinner, even though some of you are still full from lunch! I warned you to save room for the turkey!” He glared in jest over at Tee Bone, who was caught eating handfuls of chocolate before dinner. “You are all welcome to stay, but I think there is just one thing that is missing here today.” Deke looked over at the Snowman relaxing in his favourite armchair and decided now was the time to make his move. “Snowman, would you do the honours? Side one, track four please.” He handed the Snowman the copy of Razor’s Edge that Harrison had gifted them earlier.
“Sure thing!” screamed the Snowman as he got up out of the chair. Deke swiftly and sneakily took his place back.
The needle hit wax and Deke said, “Guys, how about a singalong? I believe you all know how it goes.”
“Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the day. I just can’t wait til Christmas time…when I roll you in the hay…” sang Brian Johnson on the AC/DC holiday classic “Mistress for Christmas”.
The whole gang stood and sang along to the merry tune. Then, mid-song, Tee Bone announced, “Ladies and gentlemen…on the drums, Mr. Neil Peart!” The ghost of Peart, and a phantom drum kit, began to keep time with the song, a sound that only those in that room on that day would ever witness. A historic Christmas for Tee Bone Man, Superdekes and all their friends. A celebration of a year of struggles and victories. An anticipation for what the next year will bring in the Adventures of Tee Bone Man and Superdekes. For their story was only beginning.
Merry Christmas, one and all.
Mike, Harrison, Aaron, John and Michael
Not one for elaborate goodbyes, the Stranger quietly let his hosts know it was time for him to leave, and then slipped into the night. With his dark fedora once again on his head, and soft coat keeping him warm from the elements, he made a lonely figure as he trudged in the deep snow. Lonely on the surface, but only to those who did not know. For the select few who spent Christmas day with him, they knew he was happy and fulfilled. Nothing made him warmer inside than spending a day with his friends. This was a Christmas he would long remember, full of cheer and miracles.
And he knew it wouldn’t be long before he saw Tee Bone Man and soon-to-be Grampa Deke one more time. It was all but written in stone.
He stopped at the Thunder Bay town square where his Christmas began. It looked much like it had the night before. The bright lights still shone, and the snow still glistened and sparkled before him. He glanced at his watch and then looked up to the sky. He never told his hosts exactly how he got to Thunder Bay for Christmas, but the Stranger had a ride. He smiled as he saw the woman in the rocket boots, right on time, ready to take him to his next party.
THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN
Chapter One: A Friend in Need (by LeBrain)
Chapter Two: Hell Freezes Over (by Harrison Kopp)
Chapter Three: Hell Ain’t A Bad Place to Be (by LeBrain)
Chapter Four: Tee Bone Man and the Rink of…Doom? (by Aaron KMA)
Chapter Five: The Super Duper Vault (by John Snow)
Chapter Six: Tee Bone Man Goes to Camp (by LeBrain)
Chapter Seven: The Revenge of Common Knowledge (by LeBrain)
Chapter Eight: Tee Bone & Deke’s Time Travelling Adventure (by 80sMetalMan)
Chapter Nine: Castle Communications (by Harrison Kopp)
Chapter Ten: The Case of the Lost Iron Maiden Socks (by LeBrain)
Chapter Eleven: A Tee Bone Man Christmas Special (by all five of us)
THE EXTENDED LEBRAINIVERSE
The Writer’s Room: chapter one
The Writer’s Room: It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like a Tee Bone Man Christmas
The Adventures of Edie Van Heelin’: Edie vs. Tommy Lee in the Bouncy Castle of Doom!
This was nice and properly festive. A yuletide treat.
You and I should collaborate on an unaffiliated Harrison spinoff series where he is a Raymond Chandler style private investigator. P.I. Kopp, no friend to the cops.
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Hah! Well we have big plans for Phase Two of Tee Bone Man. We are slowly building up to a multiverse-breaking adventure where any Harrison you can imagine is possible.
How cold is it up there? It’s -20°C here, with a wind chill of -33.
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It’s above 0 currently but the storm is due to hit 3 or 4 pm, possibly ruining Jen’s birthday :(
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Tell Jen I said Happy Birthday. Sorry about the storm! We got one too, it’s slowing down now.
For those wondering, the inspiration for the cover image is the below song (yes that is an animated Steven Tyler. Yes he is singing a Christmas song)
Yes he does have elf ears too.
Damn, I seem to have missed the bow colour for Tee Bone’s present.
Excellent! Merry Christmas to all!
That was so much fun! Great job everyone! Merry Christmas!!
Great job boy’s. I laughed out loud at Tbone on the sleep apnea machine and Mr. Books is actually publishing books! I knew it after all this time…
Merry Christmas to you Fella’s!!
This is so epic. Great job everybody!
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I just finally got a moment to sit down and properly take in this very Epic chapter. Very nicely done everyone! Although each of personalities shone through, they all meshed cohesively into one to tell a grand Christmas Tale! These are such fun reads. The most telling is when i can actually picture what is taking place like I’m here. A belated Happy New Year and thank you to you all!
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You just wait man…things are getting even more epic!