#1081: Have I Ever Really Enjoyed A Concert?

With the Dead Daisies having just played here, and Sven Gali coming this fall, this seems like a timely posting for today.

RECORD STORE TALES #1081: Have I Ever Really Enjoyed A Concert?

A few years ago, I outed myself as someone who suffers from high anxiety in public places.  That wasn’t easy for me.  I had this reputation as this cool music guy, but contrary to that image, my concert resume was light.  People did wonder why there were bands I loved, like Iron Maiden and Judas Priest, that I had never seen live.  I won a ton of concert tickets from the radio, Kiss, I Mother Earth, Billion Dollar Babies, and lots more.  Yet at those shows, I wasn’t anywhere to be seen.  Why?

I’ve avoided a lot of events over the years, big and small, just because that anxiety makes it really hard to actually push myself out the door.  I’ve paid for tickets…many tickets…and never attended.  The money wasted is one thing, and missing the event is the other.  I blew my chance to meet Sean Kelly and Andy Curran at a Coney Hatch show in Waterloo.  Sean even promised me.  I blew it.  Couldn’t do it.  Too anxious.  Small room, lots of bodies.  So uncomfortable, being conscious of every human surrounding me, and trying to maintain a small amount of personal space.  Keeping my limbs tight to my body.  Feet firmly planted on the ground.  That’s what a concert feels like to me.

How can you enjoy a concert when your whole body is on red alert?  I can ignore it somewhat, but it’s always there, clawing away at the back of my brain.  My eyes dart from one side of the room to the other, as I battle the feeling of imminent panic.  Always tickling my nerves, asking me if I’m truly comfortable?

I’m not.

In concerts, my mind wanders.  How many more songs?  Will that guy with the beer spill it on me?  What about the guy pounding his fists behind me?  Will he lose track of his personal space and make contact?  What about that girl in front?  She’s so tall, I can’t see the drummer, but if I move, I might lose sight of my friends.  Those kinds of thoughts.  Seated shows are not as bad, but there’s still the usual anxiety before and after.  Standing in a line close to other people.  Exiting the venue with the mob.

Can you truly enjoy and lose yourself at a show when these kinds of anxieties are always gnawing away at the mind and stomach?  I have a hard time.  I have a hard time feeling comfortable.

I can think of a couple times when I truly did enjoy myself.  Small shows.  Familiar venue.  Lots of friendly faces in the crowd that I knew from work.  Feeling more like home.

Scratching Post was a band I saw twice under circumstances like this.  They were great!  I shouted and screamed and rocked!  They were at a small room called the Banke, which no longer exists.  I had been there a number of times to see friends’ bands.  It felt like all the usual faces were there; welcoming and inviting faces that allowed me to drop my fears and anxieties.  I lost myself in those shows at the Banke, with those people.  I truly enjoyed those concerts.

Another example was Brent Doerner’s Decibel at another small venue.  Jen and I had a table (hardly any seizures back then) and the band knew us.  Their manager came up and introduced himself.  I felt like a guest of honour in some ways.  That was a show I thoroughly enjoyed.

I didn’t feel that way at Rush in 2008.  Jen had a fall down some stairs and I just wanted to go home.  We left during the intermission.  We never caught the second half of the show.  Too many people, too much of a crush, and I was not enjoying myself at all.  I could not wait to get the hell out of there and get home.  I was always checking on Jen to make sure she was safe.  It wasn’t a good vibe.  The tickets were a wedding gift from her.

So, have I ever really enjoyed a concert?  A few.  Small ones, more like parties with friends than concerts.  Sadly, I think that euphoric concert experience of losing oneself in the music and the atmosphere is one that is totally lost on me.

 

 

59 comments

    1. Gotta be extra hard for you to be out in crowds in public, John T. Snow. What with every third person stopping for your autograph, Mr. Movie Star.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

  2. I’m not afraid of crowds. I don’t like them, but I phase them out while enjoying the band. I wish you had that power too!

    Come to my garage for an intimate concert experience. You, Harrison, and me. Clothes are optional.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

        2. I mean subconsciously. Like I get surprised and my fist is raised before I know what I’m doing.

          That said, I think consciously I’m probably a much more disagreeable person than any of the other WordPress crew. At least your non-confrontational attitude makes you an easy to love Teddy bear.

          Liked by 1 person

        3. I noticed many years ago that my fists are usually clenched when I am outside the house. Fight or Flight instinct always there.

          Well we have certainly clashed too, but none of that shit matters…we’re the crew here! We disagree and we get ticked off (I’ve clashed hard with Aaron, Kevin, and others!) But you never stabbed me in the fucking back like she did.

          Liked by 1 person

        5. I actually didn’t know. Good for you man, I got your back on that. No more drunk jokes for you, mister.

          However, I hope your experience continues to help shade the character of Noirison, because he is entertaining and compelling.

          Liked by 1 person

        6. Don’t worry. I drank enough bottom shelf bourbon to write a convincing drunk. Sober me should mean even less clashes, since all that I can remember were hooch induced.

          Liked by 1 person

        7. By the way, keep it in your back pocket, Noirison will eventually have to help us battle the Big Bad at the end of this phase in a year and a half or so :) Avengers Endgame style.

          I don’t know if I’ve ever even sampled bourbon. In the Record Store days, I was the driver usually. I have a good story there that I have yet to tell! (I think)

          Liked by 1 person

        8. When it’s the bottom shelf, it’s mostly vodka anyway with a splash of bourbon. A cost cutting measure. I had half a bottle one night followed by eight beers and woke up not hungover. I figured I should probably stop then.

          Curious to hear your stories as designated driver.

          Liked by 1 person

        9. The designated driver puts up with a lot! And a lot of it is, “Oh come on, let’s keep this party going!” LOL I just wanna make sure I’m not doubling up on another story. (I know I am partially)

          Liked by 1 person

        10. “Oh come on, let’s keep this party going!”

          Shiit, I know that one. I’m sure you can imagine I have some good drinking stories.

          Liked by 1 person

        13. Doing the math…WOAH.

          Mine involved a social gathering involving work people, and me talking way too much about masturbation, and a bartender who cut me off for that reason.

          Liked by 1 person

        14. Drunk Ladano’s tick is to talk about whacking off? How do you keep getting cooler?

          I can’t get into specifics about my story for legal reasons.

          Liked by 1 person

        15. LOL that’s cool??? Nobody at the table thought so…

          I won’t get into my story for dignity reasons. All I will say is this: the record is 11, and the record still stands.

          Liked by 1 person

        16. Yeah, it’s super cool. Drunk talking about masturbation, fantastic.

          We were out in the sticks for my story. Different laws apply. Totally secluded, just the three of us. And no, we didn’t sodomize each other or anything.

          Liked by 1 person

        18. No, really! I think it’s hilarious. Who defaults to whacking off talk when drunk? Mike Ladano.

          Not too weird, you’ve never been much of a drinker, right? I don’t think you can be as in the sticks in Canada as the U.S.A. anyway.

          Liked by 1 person

        19. Probably not the only instance, but Jen would have to be the judge of that!

          Well, we do have a lot of sticks in Canada. Where I am at the lake, I should have had drunken shenanigans.

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Added note: This was the very last thing I ever sent to MarriedandHeels to read and get her feedback. She never read it and never sent anything back.

    I sent her thousands of words she never read.

    I was never her friend. I was just another fan.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

      1. I feel so stupid sometimes man. That I believed it could ever something real. I am so glad you have my back. And Jen deserves a medal. Fuck, you’re a damn recluse, and even you and I have talked on the phone! LOL. She didn’t want my friendship. She wanted a fan.

        Liked by 1 person

        Reply

        2. That’s OK. I actually hate the phone lol.

          Bless his heart, Meat used to call me right after shows, bursting with ideas. I hated taking calls at that time…trying to write up the show for the next day’s post, get the screenshots, and also eat some dinner! And he’d be like, “I want to do a movie list show with Erik Woods…”

          Bless his heart! We clashed pretty fierce sometimes. But he was a good guy.

          Liked by 1 person

  4. I feel for you man. I know how daunting large concerts can be. Maybe TeeBone Man and Superdekes can set one up for you in their lair. On the other note, I think you’re absolutely right about MarriedandHeels.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Man that is a great idea for a future story! I was thinking of trying to write a New Year’s tale for them, and maybe a concert at the Palace with the denizens of Rock Heaven performing might be the idea….

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  5. Interesting topic, Mike. I’ve had many different experiences at concerts over the years, in everything from small bars to stadiums, and even in churches a few times. I tend to agree with you that the venue and the circumstances are so important. One of the strangest experiences I ever had was at a heavy metal club in Virginia that was at that time called Jaxx. It was a Blaze Bayley concert. It turned out that there were only like 5-10 people in the audience. But the thing about Blaze is he gives a 100 percent no matter how many people are in the audience. He seemed thrilled that we were there and at one point he even grabbed hold of me (I was in the front row, if such a thing can be said to exist in such a situation – I was right in front of him, in any case) and put me in a friendly headlock! In other circumstances this would have freaked me out but it didn’t, although I’d be lying if I were to say I wasn’t surprised. After the show I thanked him and shared briefly with him my appreciation for his music.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  6. I’m a fan of smaller shows as they’re generally better. But I still attend the big ones. I love them too much, so I get over my anxiety from large crowds. I was bullied a lot when I was younger, and the possibility of everyone turning on me is in the back of my mind. But, I tell myself that no is there for me, they are there for the show.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

        1. I’m glad you can relate. I’ve had times when I had to call my counselor an emergency meeting pre-concert — only for me to drop out. Deciding it wasn’t worth the stress I was feeling.

          Like

        2. Ah, that sucks. I’ll say, since we moved to Sudbury, a lot of the stress around concerts has been eased. It is easier to get to the venue, find parking, shorter line ups, etc. The vibe with the crowd is different too. People seem to have a better appreciation for the bands and are into the shows. I feel concerts are taken for granted in the Toronto area, at least. When I was down there, I enjoyed shows better in the surrounding areas. Brampton, Oshawa, Bala, Casino Rama, etc.

          Liked by 1 person

        3. That sounds really nice. I wonder if I should go see some of my sister’s bands she likes. She always seems to be at cool shows, in out of the way places. Can’t hurt to expand my pallette either.

          One of my favourite show experiences was the Max the Axe CD release party. Mostly friends in attendance, and I was free to set up and record on my phone.

          Liked by 1 person

  8. One thing I forgot to mention and which nobody else mentioned is anxiety about driving to a concert. I’ve often felt anxious about driving alone to a venue, especially one I’d never been to before. In fact I believe that even though I had a car to go to the Blaze concert I mentioned went in a taxi because I was afraid of getting lost on the way to the show (something which almost happened to me the time I drove to Maryland to see Iron Maiden with Bruce).

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

  9. I’m sorry to hear all of this Mike. I know it can’t be easy. Luckily, concerts are a choice and not a necessity. You can still enjoy a band’s music without seeing them perform said music live.

    And there’s no shame in being a music fan who hasn’t been to many concerts. I’m in that boat too, actually. For me it’s always been a matter of not having the money to afford tickets, or the desire to drive the distance, or not having anyone to go with… Pick an excuse, haha!

    The best advice I could give you if you ever decided to attempt another concert is to have a wingman (or “wing person”). A person you trust who will be standing by your side, and that brings you the feeling of safety. Someone you can look over and rock out with, or mouth all the lyrics with. That’s always been my favorite part of concerts; that friend by my side having a blast…

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thanks man. The last show I attempted to go to (Coney Hatch), I had a wingman. It was Uncle Meat. In the end I just decided I couldn’t handle it. My anxiety was too high. I think I need less a wingman, and more a babysitter. Someone who can take a step back and ask “is he OK?”

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

Rock a Reply