MOTLEY CRUE – 20th Century Masters – The Millennium Collection (2003 Universal)
As a change of pace, this review focuses not on what is on the album, but what was left off. This 20th Century Masters is more than a little shoddy, as this series can often be. So let’s talk about what it is not.
Too Fast For Love
“Piece of Your Action” is a great little ditty from the debut record Too Fast For Love. What you’re missing though: the speedy single “Live Wire”! It makes little sense to have this one without “Live Wire”.
“Shout at the Devil” and “Too Young to Fall in Love”: Great choices. Both are classic 80’s metal. What you’re missing is hit single “Looks that Kill”. But as Meat Loaf says, two out of three ain’t bad.
“Home Sweet Home” is Motley’s biggest hit ballad ever, but where is the Brownsville Station cover “Smokin’ in the Boys Room”? Can you believe it’s not on here? And it’s not because it’s a cover, because, well, we’ll get there.
Girls, Girls, Girls
The title track makes good sense to include, but why is “All in the Name Of…” on here instead of “Wild Side”? Also missing, but understandably so, is the ballad “You’re All I Need” which never made much impact. “Wild Side” though remained a concert staple to the end, so that’s one you’ll need to find elsewhere.
Dr. Feelgood
There were five singles on this album, and of course you can’t include them all on a 20th Century Masters CD. What you do need are the title track and lead single “Dr. Feelgood”, and obviously “Kickstart My Heart”. “Kickstart” was an explosive statement by the band, proving they were as mighty as ever without the drugs. Those two songs embodied the album, but there’s no “Feelgood” here. Inexplicable! Certainly one of the biggest oversights on this disc.
Great song! Not on this CD!
Decade of Decadence
For reasons that are unexplained and perhaps best left that way, instead of including any of the above better known songs, 20th Century Masters has the far less famed “Rock ‘N’ Roll Junkie”, and Sex Pistols cover “Anarchy in the UK”. “Junkie” is a Feelgood outtake, original released on The Adventures of Ford Fairlane soundtrack in 1990. “Anarchy” was recorded for Motley’s first greatest hits, Decade of Decadence. Neither song is essential, and both are on Decade. Why are they here? “Primal Scream”, which was a powerful single, is a must have. But it’s not here. Yet another song you’d still have to get elsewhere, because it’s awesome and important.
No complaints here. “Hooligan’s Holiday” is included from 1994’s self-titled album with John Corabi on vocals. Nice to see this single represented instead of ignored.
At this point, for a compilation like 20th Century Masters, I don’t think you need to explore the 90’s. But, from 1997’s dreadful Generation Swine comes the title track. Not the minor hit single “Afraid” mind you, but the title track which did nothing and went nowhere. Baffling!
Ending the album with “Hell on High Heels” brought the compilation up to date for its 2003 release date. Unfortunately, there was nothing on New Tattoo worth bringing to the table. Tommy Lee had left and there was a serious dip in quality, even after Generation Swine. Although it was the only Motley album featuring late drummer Randy Castillo, New Tattoo is simply a turd with no songs that are up to snuff. Crappy way to close a pretty crap compilation, though. Motley Crue’s instalment of 20th Century Masters sounds as if it’s a single disc from a double CD compilation, and the other CD’s been lost. Sorry Motley, this CD gets the dreaded Flaming Turd.
There is no doubt that a decade and a half of war has dramatically changed the United States. In 2009, Queensryche decided to deal with their feelings by writing a concept album on the subject. It’s something that they do very well, and American Soldier, the finished product, was another ambitious piece of work. Although the album was mostly written by Geoff Tate and his friends Jason Slater and Kelly Gray, in reality it’s the last good album the band made with Tate.
The band interviewed soldiers for this album, and their words are a huge part of the record. The track “Unafraid” opens like this, creating a hauntingly serious atmosphere. At times, the music is toned down, allowing the dialogue to speak. It’s an interesting effect and certainly it works in creating the mood that the band were going for. I think it is also a token of appreciation to the soldiers who defended the country. They had a chance to speak their minds, and be immortalized in music. That’s pretty cool.
The end result is a good album that is not necessarily easy to listen to. There is no “fun” in this music, it is dead serious the whole way through. The intensity burns and you can hear that Tate was focused like a laser on this project. The songs are fine; not Mindcrime quality but I don’t think that anthemic progressive rock would have fit American Soldier. The single misstep is the vocal by Tate’s daughter Emily on “Home Again”. What was meant to be a dramatic, emotional focal point is instead distracting.
Among the best tracks are “Sliver”, a cool opener featuring an actual soldier (A.J. Fratto, a 14 year vet) barking orders with the music. Fratto ended up touring with the band in support of this album. Well done, sir! “Hundred Mile Stare” is slow and intense. The hundred mile stare in the song is a variation of the thousand yard stare — a distant look in the eyes a soldier gets after they’ve been in the field too long. “A Dead Man’s Words” is another complex highlight, middle-eastern in style and clearly about conflict in that region. This one is perhaps the most “Queensryche” of the songs, in the sense that you can hear their classic sound at play. This includes a Tate sax solo, something I wished he did more of with the band. Then, for choruses, I have to go with “The Killer”. For sheer intensity, it’s the soldier’s story on “If I Were King”. If you want heavy ‘Ryche, then “Man Down!” is the track for you.
One disappointing factor in American Soldier only hits you when you open the booklet. Great artwork aside, it’s really too bad that Tate relied so heavily on his buddies to make this album rather than his band. Drummer Scott Rockenfield has two co-writes, and that’s it. Damon Johnson from Brother Cane has just as many co-writes. The rest of the credits are variations of Tate, and producers Jason Slater and Kelly Gray. Queensryche were down to four members at this point, so Johnson and Gray subbed on guitars.
Although Promised Land was probably the most deeply personal Queensryche album, American Soldier is likely the runner up. At least for Tate and his collaborators, there is obviously a lot of their hearts and souls invested in this. Unsurprisingly, it is not an immediate album. It requires time, but it also requires space between listens. There’s no glory here, just stark reality, so take your time.
QUEENSRYCHE – Operation: Mindcrime II (2006 Rhino)
10 years ago, when this project finally saw the light of day, a lot of fans were expecting it to be 1988 all over again. However, there were many reasons why they shouldn’t have.
1. Longtime guitarist/songwriter Chris DeGarmo, such an integral part of the original Mindcrime, had been out of the band for quite some time. 2. Geoff Tate’s voice didn’t have that high-note power it once had. 3. The band never intended to pretend it was still 1988. This album is a continuation, 18 years later, and as such the music has changed somewhat as well. The albums are meant to complement each other, not duplicate each other.
The story picks up with Nikki, the anti-hero from the original Mindcrime, finally being released from prison, 18 years after the events of the first album. He begins to piece together his memories of what happened. He decides to pay Dr. X a visit (“X marks the spot”, goes the lyric), who is deliciously played by the late Ronnie James Dio. For die-hard Dio followers, this was a real treat. Dio sings as if in a stage production, which I’ve never heard him do before. Pamela Moore reprises her role of Sister Mary, playing a larger role and appearing on more songs. She’s a great complement to Geoff Tate, who clearly revels in the chance to do something dramatic like this.
New second guitar player Mike Stone (ex-Criss) gels very nicely with Michael Wilton, playing dual guitar leads that Queensryche of old would have been proud of. At the same time, modern technology has creeped into the production in the form of sequencers and samples, to remind us that this was 2006. Still, Eddie Jackson’s bass had never been recorded this well before; he should be very proud of his rumble. Scott Rockenfield’s back to playing some serious metallic drumming as well, leaving behind some of his tribal influences for the moment.
So, the actual sound of Mindcrime II is amazing. The songs however are not up to the very high standards that Mindcrime I set. There is no “I Don’t Believe In Love” or “Eyes Of A Stranger”, although some songs like “The Hands” come pretty close, with an amazing metallic riff and great chorus. (Did anyone else notice a few bars of music from “I Don’t Believe In Love” within “The Hands”? Listen again.) “I’m American” is lyrically fantastic, and angrier than anything Queensryche has done since Q2K. “Chase” is the one featuring Dio, and the one I keep coming back to.
The thing about Queensryche albums is, they do tend to get better with time. Maybe they were always slightly ahead of the curve, or more likely they just take a few listens to absorb. It’s been a decade now, and few of the Mindcrime II songs remain lodged in the my brain. Meanwhile, I could hum any song from the first one. In particular, the second side of Mindcrime II really takes a drop. Tracks like “Fear City Slide” do not have the impact of “I Don’t Believe in Love”, and the closer “All the Promises” fails to deliver. It’s a concept album after all, and the last song is like the last scene in a movie. It should be memorable.
Will Mindcrime II ever become classic like the original? Doubtful. As soon as you name something with a “II” behind it, you’re painting yourself into a corner, but Queensryche have done about as good a job as the fans could have expected. It seems many fans have warmed up to it over the years, though it certainly cannot be considered equal with the original.
Things have changed a lot since the last time I saw Blue Rodeo in the mid-2000’s. They have added a few more albums to the oeuvre, and a few more members to the band. The expansion of Blue Rodeo to a seven-piece band has made their live sound smoother, the rough edges sanded off. Due to Greg Keelor’s hearing loss, the singer and author of some of the most gonzo country-rock guitar solos north of the 47th was forced to unplug, and focus on the acoustic guitar instead. Colin Cripps (Crash Vegas), who had filled in before, was drafted full time to fill the guitar sound. With Kitchener resident Bob Egan on slide and various other stringed instruments, there are now four guitar players in Blue Rodeo. The newest member is Michael Boguski on various keyed instruments.
According to the band, one of the solutions to Greg’s hearing issues was changing over to in-ear monitors. There was a rough shake down period to get used to this setup, timid performances during which the band says they failed to take chances live. For Blue Rodeo to issue a new live album, one must assume these issues have been ironed out. Live at Massey Hall is the band’s first live album since 2008’s Blue Road. It is also their shortest live album with only one disc inside (Blue Road was more of a video album, with unique CD and DVD content).
Supporting the studio album In Our Nature, the Massey Hall album has a little bit of newer material, but is dominated by past hits. Most of the new songs are clumped together in the middle of the CD: “New Morning Sun”, “Tara’s Blues”, “Tell Me Again” and “When the Truth Comes Out”. There is no drop of quality during this four-song clump, in fact “New Morning Sun” almost sounds as if lifted from Blue Rodeo’s late-80’s heyday. The last of the new songs, “Paradise”, is left closer to the end, before the rousing finale of “5 Days in May” and “Lost Together”.
Plenty of hits abound, with only “Try” obviously absent. There are also a couple of surprise tracks: the rarely played “Girl of Mine” from Diamond Mine, and “Disappear” from Tremolo. The 8:04 “Disappear” is the album highlight, recalling the mighty feats of Blue Rodeo onstage in the 1990’s. It rivals “Diamond Mine” for drama and instrumental gold, but has a beautiful melancholy power.
Old man time may have taken his toll on Greg’s hearing. Jim’s voice might be a little lower and huskier than it used to be. This band, surely one of the best live acts Canada has produced, survives on. The studio albums may no longer hit the charts like they used to, but Blue Rodeo have always seemed truly at home on the stage. With the addition of Cripps (helping out on backing vocals as well as guitar), the band are still able to do the big bold rock songs like “Lost Together” and “Diamond Mine” at full strength.
There was once a time when the music press questioned if Blue Rodeo could remain a vital force without original member Bobby Wiseman on keyboards. That was 1992. Not only have they remained just as challenging as ever, but they have continued to evolve and grow. Now it feels as if things have come full circle, back to that point in the mid-90’s when we realized the sky was the only limit for this band. We look forward to whatever Blue Rodeo produce next.
On paper, it was genius. Teaming up the legendary drummer Carmine Appice with anyone will turn heads, but John Sykes, the ex-Thin Lizzy and Whitesnake guitar genius? Sign us up. Add in ex-Black Sabbath singer Ray Gillen, and the Firm’s Tony Franklin on bass, and that right there is an interesting combo. Two words were buzzing around the camp, and they were “blues” and “jams”. When the band did start jamming the blues, they realized that Ray Gillen didn’t have much to do during the long instrumental breaks they were producing. The decision was made to cut Ray and trim the band down to a classic power trio, with Sykes singing lead. The trio format was fairly unique among rock bands in the late 80’s. (Ray hooked up with another new blues-rock band, Jake E. Lee’s Badlands.)
Adding to the hype machine behind the new christened Blue Murder was the tapping of up and coming producer Bob Rock. Coming off of some hit albums by Kingdom Come and The Cult, it was assumed Rock would do the same for Blue Murder. They hiked up to Little Mountain Sound in Vancouver and recorded the album, dedicating it to Phil Lynott.
Unfortunately it was pretty clear after a few listens that despite the hype and big names, Blue Murder was not the supergroup debut that it should have been. Indeed, the lineup expired after one record.
Sykes’ singing was not the issue. His vocals on songs such as “Riot” and “Ptolemy” are more than adequate. Power and range were not an issue for Sykes. Perhaps his unique guitar stylings were too associated with the mega-selling Whitesnake 1987, because the sonic connections are obvious. Too much ‘Snake, not enough Lizzy. The songs are not all bad either, though many could use some minutes trimmed from them. At nine songs and 52 minutes, Blue Murder does have the instrumental chills that Sykes wanted to get across, but at the cost of diluting the impact with meandering rock songs. Other issues must fall at the feet of Bob Rock. Though Blue Murder earned the producer a nomination at the Juno awards in 1990, the muddy sound is very far indeed from what Rock can do. “Sex Child” is a perfect example of this. Rock strove to give Carmine a big drum sound, but there are also excessive keyboards and layers of vocals all occupying the same sonic space. This robs it of the groove. It’s a chore to finish the whole album in a sitting, due to some of these problems.
There are three album highlights that are possibly worth the expense to rock historians. They are the singles “Valley of the Kings” and “Jelly Roll”, and the epic “Ptolemy”. At 7:50, “Valley of the Kings” had to be severely edited down for a single/video. It has all the progressive rock qualities that you know these guys are capable of, and who isn’t a sucker for lyrics about pharoahs and pyramids? Must credit must also be given to Tony Franklin, who makes it sound as if the fretless bass is easy to play! You don’t hear enough fretless in hard rock, and Franklin is one of the world’s very best. Period.
Interestingly, “Valley of the Kings” was co-written by then-Black Sabbath singer Tony Martin. You can absolutely hear parallels to Sabbath’s Headless Cross released the same year – an album that also had some fretless bass on it thanks to Lawrence Cottle!
“Jelly Roll” was a music video, fitting the slot for some good time summer acoustic rock. Instead of going ballad, Blue Murder went to the bayou. The tricky slide licks recall Whitesnake, but unfortunately towards the end, the song sinks into typical ballad territory. It sounds like two songs melded together, but I like the first part best.
The final keeper is the progressive epic “Ptolemy”. Unfortunately the lyrics don’t have much to do with the actual mathematician and astronomer who lived almost 2000 years ago. Instead the song is about tomb robbing; unrelated to Ptolemy of Alexandria. This is a shame since they could have written about Ptolemy’s musical studies (Harmonics), or his influence on the concept of the universe of a series of spheres that create music. Fortunately the musical qualities of the song enable us to overlook the words.
There are also-rans worth checking out: particularly a track called “Billy” which is the most Thin Lizzy of all the tunes. You could imagine, if Phil had lived, that he could have recorded “Billy” for a mid-80’s Thin Lizzy album. Unfortunately most of the material resides in Whitesnake territory, especially the carbon-copy ballad “Out of Love”, and the closer “Black-Hearted Woman” which recycles Whitesnake riffs.
Too bad. Loads of potential, but blown in the delivery.
Old review from the archives dug up for your enjoyment. With all apologies to the regular music readers, I decided to post my reviews of the first three Transformers movies, in reverse order. That’s the only way I could have saved the best for last!
J. from Resurrection Songs requested quite some time ago that I post this review. I decided that the only way to post my review of this movie, the first of the loathed “Bayverse” Transformers film, was to do it legit. I wrote up a review for my journal almost 10 years ago that has never been seen by anybody. Back then, I actually liked the movie, and the first is still the best of the series. Let’s look at this thing from the perspective of “then”. Things seemed wide open! Whatever was wrong with the movie could be fixed in the next one, right?
How wrong we were. Read on!
Date: 2007/07/23
TRANSFORMERS: Not actually much more than meets the eye!
I hate Michael Bay. Period. I hated him when I saw Armageddon, easily the worst excuse for science fiction I’d ever seen. I maintain that anyone seeing that movie is dumber for doing so. It kills brain cells like a shot of Absinthe, straight up. I was predisposed to hating Transformers since Michael Bay directed it, but surprisingly I didn’t hate it. I didn’t love it either; it was infinitely flawed. But what I liked in the film, the stuff that they nailed perfectly, was killer.
So what did they mess up so badly that I was cringing? What did they get right? Where did they surprise me?
I am with most people who hated the robots speaking and acting “contemporary”. These are aliens after all, so why Optimus would say “My bad!” when stepping in a flower bed, or why Jazz would talk like Bill Cosby acting hip-hop, I have no idea. Bumblebee “peeing” on John Turturro irked me too. For the record, “peeing” occured twice in this masterpiece of film: Once when Bumblebee unloaded on Turturro’s Agent Simmons, and once when a puppy dog urinated on Ironhide’s foot. (I did like it when he said, “That’s going to rust!” though.) This kind of thing was stupid, juvenile, and out of place even as comedy relief. Granted we’re talking about a movie based on a toy line, but the kids who played with those toys are grown up and have kids of their own now. I would like to think that piss jokes in a science fiction movie are a little passe now. (Although I do own Jackass 1 and Number 2, so call me a hypocrite.)
The storyline was a little weak. The “Allspark” that the Transformers are seeking is nothing more than a McGuffin to drive the plot. Apparently in the hands of Megatron it can do infinite harm, in the hands of the Autobots, it can heal their homeworld of Cybertron. However, in the end, it’s just a box that robots chase each other around for, like a colossal game of Cybertron Football.
The human character of Sam Witwicky as played by Speilberg’s new protege Shia LaBouf was really funny. I don’t know if he had much more dimension than that, though. He’s an awkward teen who wants to get the girl, any girl, but Megan Fox just happens to be available at the right time. When Shia is ready to protect the Allspark with his life (“No sacrifice, no victory!”) it comes a little bit out of left field considering that he rarely showed any motivation beyond getting the girl and staying alive. However, his honest, humourous delivery will make him a star one day. This kid has yet to show what he can do. I am sure he will under Speilberg in Indy 4*. As for Megan “the” Fox, she did little other than live up to her name. She did that very well. However, she didn’t really generate any other feelings in the audience. Lots of gratuitous skin shots.
Bernie Mac had some funny lines, totally over the top. But that’s why they hired a guy like Bernie Mac to play a used car salesman. John Turturro was OK, but you can tell he just phoned in his performance. John Voight, give the man some credit, looked like he was trying. Shame his part was so generic. All the soldiers in the film were pretty much just Michael Bay Soldiers…the same, every film, every time.
The robots had no characters, aside from Optimus and Bumblebee. They could have been fleshed out a lot more, but at least they felt like characters. Megatron was completely wasted, just a really big, mean, bad guy. You couldn’t even tell it was Hugo Weaving voicing him. Peter Cullen did a great job as Optimus, of course. I’m glad about that casting choice.
There were many nods to the past. Most of the characters still transformed into similar forms. Optimus looked amazing. Bumblebee was pefect as a Camaro. Frenzy was no longer a cassette tape, but the basic gist of the robot was the same. Brawl (misnamed “Devastator” in the subtitles…will this be fixed on the DVD version?**) was still a tank. Starscream was no longer an F-15 Eagle, but now a F-22 Raptor…killer update! Scorponok looked amazing in scorpion mode, but had no character to speak of and wasn’t seen in robot mode at all. Shame, that. He was once one of the deepest characters of the old Marvel series.
There was even some dialogue from the past: Optimus says, “One shall live, and one shall fall!”, the same words he said before Megatron killed him in the 1986 Transformers movie. However, twice the words “more than meets the eye” were uttered, making everyone in the audience groan. (It was just as bad as James Cromwell saying, “And you guys are astronauts, on some kind of star trek?” in Star Trek: First Contact.)
There were many nods to the creators. “This is way better than Armageddon!” one character says, with Michael Bay’s penis firmly in mouth. Someone mentioned E.T. in honour of Señor Spielbergo. There were also a small number of original series Star Trek soundbites, since the same dudes who wrote this are also working on Star Trek XI, an original series-era movie.*** (Interestingly, Michael Bay’s cousin Susan is married to Leonard Nimoy.) Some of these things were cool, some were not.
Michael Bay’s directing, as always, was suck-ass. Just for fun I watched Team America a few days before going to see Transformers. All that stuff that is made fun of in that film was in Transformers, in spades! As soon as we hit the desert in Qatar, there’s a piece of “Arabic” music that sounded right out of Team America. All the slow-mo shots interspersed with high-speed action, all the cheesy dialogue, all those over-dramatic camera angles and lighting effects…Michael Bay threw in the kitchen sink, every trick he knew.
I think the coolest thing about Transformers was that it opens up wide what can happen in 2 and 3 (Peter Cullen, Megan Fox, and Shia LaBouf have signed on for two more). Michael Bay isn’t necessarily doing the sequels, so maybe someone with a lighter hand can take over. Slow things down a bit. Let us actually see the robots. The action was mostly so fast and white-washed with explosions and debris that you couldn’t see the robots.
Speaking of the robots, much has been made of their look: People whine that Optimus shouldn’t have flames, the Megatron should transform into a gun, that Bumblebee should have been a VW Beetle. I say, stop whining. These robots look amazing. I’m sure Megatron will look different in the next film anyway.**^
Speaking of the next film: Storywise, it’s already been said that the Dinobots, Constructicons and Soundwave are potential characters for the sequel, opening up story possibilities big time. I’d like to see Grimlock and Optimus clash over leadership direction a little bit like in the old Marvel series. Megatron and Starscream too…their conflict was hinted at. The ending was left wide open for sequels. (Why did the stupid humans believe that Megatron could be disposed of in such an easy way? Foolhardy!)
So there you go. Go get a Coke and a huge tub of popcorn. Enjoy and most importantly, enjoy discussing afterwards with all your geek and nerd friends like I am.
3/5 stars
*He did not.
**It was not. Even though Bay introduced the actual character of Devastator in the next film.
Old review from the archives dug up for your enjoyment. Apologies to the regular music readers, I’ve decided to post my reviews for the first three Transformers movies…but in reverse order. Because fuck these movies.
TRANSFORMERS – Revenge of the Fallen (2009 Paramount)
Directed by Michael Bay
This is a movie to make you say “wow”! Not because it’s great, or the because the CGI effects are any good (they’re not) — just because Transformers 2 mucks things up even more than the first one did.
For example, the robot dialogue is geared towards kiddies, just like the old cartoon was. Then, mixed in the middle of all that kiddie dialogue, is Megan Fox wearing a tank top, then Megan Fox wearing leather chaps, then Megan Fox stripping off those chaps…just who is this movie for? It’s either geared for kids with no consideration at all for throwing all this sexual imagery at you, or it’s geared for adults (males) and really dumbed down.
All that could be forgivable if this movie had a plot, or characters, or even decent visuals. The effects were so bad; clearly the crew only had so much time and budget to finish. So when you see a robot called “The Doctor” manipulate Sam’s (Shia Labouf) face, it looks like something out of Roger Rabbit, or Star Wars Episode I. When robots are getting blown apart, you see little pieces of junk flying off them, but they don’t look real at all — it looks like little cartoon pieces of junk. Everything looks completely fake, except the explosions. Those look real (because they were real) and there are a lot of them, because BOOM Michael Bay BOOM!
So many opportunities here are squandered. The death of a beloved character has no emotion to it; even the pathetic 1986 cartoon movie had more emotion to the scene in question. The Fallen — one of the all time great Transformers villains — is just another bad guy, not the awe inspiring menace he should be. And don’t get me started on the hip-hop-bots. Why does Devastator have genitalia again? Was that really necessary? Like the prior film, the humour was awfully juvenile — Sam’s parents are more annoying than ever, especially his mother (who gets high accidentally) and his roommate is one character that either should never have been written, or killed off in Act 2.
There are some minor shining lights in this movie. John Turturro, as Simmons, is better and funnier than before. There are also lots more robots — dozens. I couldn’t keep them straight!
However that is part of Michael Bay’s problem. His design team makes the robots essentially all look the same, particularly the Decepticons. There are a group of “protoform” Decepticons who arrive on Earth. Since they are “protoforms”, they are actually all identical with the exact same design. Budget wise, you can see how using the same animation model for a whole bunch of ‘Cons makes sense. Visually, it reduced the film to an onscreen mess of flying shit. Oh sure, there were Constructicons, and Insecticons…so what? They didn’t do anything important. The humans, in fact, do all the thinking, talking, leading, and everything else in this movie. The plot only moves forward when the puny humans decide to do something. That isn’t what the original Marvel series envisioned by Bob Budianski and Simon Furman was about. That isn’t even what the cartoon was about. Transformers is about the robots, and yes, they should have some characterization! If the comic book did, surely they can do it in a multi-million dollar movie. But no; either nobody thought to write interesting characters for classic robots like Sideswipe, Arcee, and Ratchet, or they just didn’t have the time to do them properly. Sad.
Plot holes big enough to drive a Peterbilt truck through:
1. A bunch of mini-bots attack Sam in his kitchen, requiring Bumblebee to barely save him. Two minutes later, Sam is telling Bee that he’s all grown up and doesn’t need his protection anymore. Then, just 20 minutes later, Sam does need protection and Bee comes to save Sam from a Decepticon Pretender…but doesn’t actually do anything! He lets the Pretender into the car, and then he just plays annoying songs on his radio and sprays the Pretender with lubricant instead of…I dunno…driving off? Seriously.
2.The tomb of the Primes! Woah! But…as Jetfire explains it, the original Primes sacrificed themselves to create a tomb out of their bodies. Then he continues to exposit, “Only a Prime can defeat the Fallen.” Well, maybe they shouldn’t have sacrificed themselves?
3. The tomb that they sacrificed their bodies to create doesn’t actually do anything. It’s opened with one simple blast.
4.And yes, “Only a Prime can defeat the Fallen,” according to Jetfire. We are not sure why. When the two finally clash they just have a normal-type robot brawl. Nothing special here that any other ‘bot couldn’t do, and Prime needed all of Jetfire’s parts (seriously!) to help him do it!
Since people are going to buy this movie no matter what I say, I’ll draw this review to a close. I have only scratched the surface of the issues with Revenge of the Fallen. Proceed at your own risk. This is a turd.
Old review from the archives dug up for your enjoyment. Apologies to the regular music readers, but I’ve decided to post my reviews for the first three Transformers movies…but in reverse order. Because fuck these movies.
TRANSFORMERS – Dark of the Moon(2011 Paramount)
Directed by Michael Bay
As I sat there finishing the third Transformers movie, I thought to myself, “Does Michael Bay ever take himself seriously?” I mean, the dialogue here is so juvenile and stupid, the characters are more one-dimensional than ever (how is that even possible?), and every inch of film is so stupidly overblown, it’s beyond ridiculous. It’s like giving very expensive movie making equipment to a child with a Bart Simpson streak. Welcome to the Bay-verse, where one can walk away from a flaming car wreck with no injuries, and no idea what the hell the story is!
The plot, such as it is, revolves around the discovery of Sentinel Prime (voice of Leonard Nimoy and Autobot mentor to Optimus) on our moon by Neil Armstrong and the crew of the Apollo 11. Sentinel has something (yet another “McGuffin” in this series – a generic object that the protagonists and antagonists seek) that can save Cybertron (again). But there’s more than meets the eye and things are not always what they seem! Funny though how Earth always seems to be the epicentre of all Transformers plots and schemes. Are we a magnet for alien assholes?
Though it is the worst of the first three in the series, Dark of the Moon was a marginal improvement in some minor ways. Many of the most annoying characters (Sam’s annoying parents, the hip-hop-bots) are toned down in movie #3. The plot is still a confounding mess in a universe that defies all logic and physics. It’s all there to support a massive end battle that takes up almost half of the movie. Is that battle spectacular to watch? Oh, sure, I guess so. Can it hold your attention? No. After about half of the end battle had transpired, I was begging for this movie to please just fucking end.
I have to say though, Rosie Huntington-Whitely is an upgrade over Megan Fox. Something about British accents. Bad British acting always trumps bad American acting. The cast is rounding out by Frances McDormand (also wasted here), John Malkovich (criminally wasted), Patrick Dempsey (meh) and of course John Turturro who always should have more screen time.
A thudding end to a disappointing trilogy.
1.5/5 stars
Oh, and by the by — no special features! On the Blu-ray! You suck, Bay!
Sweden’s Chris Laney has some serious vocal and guitar chops, lemme tell ya. This debut CD by his band Laney’s Legion boasts heavy, world-class tunage marked with powerful lungs and guitar thrills! You want high octane? “On and On” will hit the spot. With slick production, “On and On” is a relentless intro, full speed ahead, sails to the wind, crack open a beer and let’s fucking do this.
“Taste of Your Tongue” goes a bit Nickelback on the verses, but they’re forgotten when you hit the vintage 80’s rock chorus, which rescues the song from residing in Chad Kroeger’s backyard for too long. Similarly, “Poptastic”, a tribute to rockin’ out with your Kiss albums, is all about the chorus hooks. It has an 80’s snarl like good Poison-Crue-Jovi. “We’re still good friends of metal, Priest and Helloween”, sings Laney. “I’m talkin’ bout Van Halen – 1984!” Hey man, I get that. His heart is in the right place, although I don’t refer to Van Halen as “poptastic” myself, I get what he means. The opening guitars are reminiscent of Van Hagar.
It’s all good though, because “Beneath the Surface” has a heavier groove and takes you to a more bangin’ headspace. The guitar solo, presumably by Rob Marcello, is pure nirvana. Since this album is a celebration of an era when an album was a collection of hard rockers and power ballads, “Bleed Within” is the expected softie. Like a perfect post-Hysteria Def Leppard ballad, “Bleed Within” combines the layers of backing vocals with the acoustic strumming to meld into sweet candy perfection.
Now, speaking of backing vocals, we should really take a closer look at the credits. “Let’s Get it On”, a heavy Ratt-like number, boasts some interesting names. Tomas Åkvik, Mathias Blom, and…Jompa Wilmenius? “Let’s Get it On” is a stellar track, loads of guitars and groove…but those backing vocals! That’s the key! Jompa is the secret weapon of hard rock gang vocals. Now, I will say that “Let’s Get it On” reminds me of a couple songs…can’t place them…but some of these hooks are familiar from the days of old. “Hollow” continues with the hard rock shred, with hint of Foo Fighters (think choppy, like “Everlong” in the guitars).
“Lady Luck” is the only song I didn’t connect with. Too modern, perhaps? It’s not a bad song, but similar to things that in Canada are quite overplayed on the radio. (That’s not Laney’s fault; that’s more Cancon‘s fault!) “Assassin of Our Love” returns to more comfortable territory, a solid power ballady track with hints of early Bon Jovi circa “Runaway”. Laney then proclaims “No One Can Stop Us”, rocking out Dokken style and advising “You’ve gotta get your shit together”! Again, special attention must be played to the classy and impressive solo work. “Legion” finishes the album by going a bit more metal. Savatage could have performed Legion, although the production clearly differentiates it from Savatage. We know where their heads are at by the credits though: “Thanks to Robert John ‘Mutt’ Lange for the inspiration.”
Laney’s Legion is an impressive CD. It is impeccably produced, and arranged to a “T”. It occupies a curious place in the space-time continuum. If hard rock never fell to grunge in 1991-1992, perhaps albums like this would be commonplace today. It’s rare to hear such focus on the hard rock-isms that were popular long ago, but with today’s recording tech. It’s a cool mesh, but the bottom line is, this is a better album than most of the Bon Jovi or Def Leppards in the last couple decades.
4.5/5 stars
But 10/5 stars on the backing vocals*
* Much gratitude toJompafor sending me this CD. He’s a great internet friend, and he though I’d like it. He was right!
ALICE COOPER – A Fistful of Alice (1999 Guardian records, Japanese edition with bonus tracks)
A Fistful of Alice was released at a time when the sometimes maligned The Alice Cooper Showwas the only official live Cooper album. As only the second live Alice record, Fistful didn’t receive the attention it deserved. That’s especially too bad, considering it had cool guests including Slash, Rob Zombie, and Sammy Hagar. There are lots of Alice Cooper live recordings to get today, but in ’99 that wasn’t quite the case. Fistful, recorded at Hagar’s Cabo Wabo Cantina, came a full five years after Cooper’s last studio album,The Last Temptation, ending the long drought. The single new song, “Is Anyone Home?” was a pleasant acoustic rock keeper, but the main feature was the live stuff.
There are lots of versions of this album, but only the Japanese has the full 17 song track list. It took me 15 years to finally track one down at a decent price. The Japanese edition is worth the effort just for “Clones (We’re All)”, a song that was rarely played for a lot of Cooper’s career. It’s from near the start of Alice’s 80’s art-punk persona, but its robotic synth-pop was catchy enough for the Smashing Pumpkins to cover it. The other two bonus tracks are “Bed of Nails” from Trash, and the classic “No More Mr. Nice Guy”. One that wasn’t on the domestic edition, but was on the UK version is “Under My Wheels”. Cooper’s band at this time featured Reb Beach (Winger/Whitesnake) on guitar, and damn does he shred on “Under My Wheels”! The rest of the lineup consisted of Jimmy DeGrasso (Megadeth/Black Star Riders) on drums, guitarist Ryan Roxie (Slash), bassist Todd Jensen (David Lee Roth) and Beach’s old Winger bandmate Paul Taylor on keyboards. This was Taylor’s second stint with Cooper. His first stint in the mid-80’s eventually launched the band Winger, since Kip Winger was in the Cooper band at the time.
Besides “Clones”, other pleasant surprises in the set include “Desperado” (“a song I wrote for Jim Morrison a long time ago”), “Teenage Lament ’74” (dedicated to the glitter and glam rockers) and “I Never Cry”. “Welcome to My Nightmare” is preceded by an excerpt from the chilling classic “Steven”. Familiar concert perennials include “Feed My Frankenstein” with Rob Zombie, “Only Women Bleed” with Slash, and “Elected” featuring both. Slash also plays on the newer tune “Lost in America”, fitting right in there naturally. It’s quite a decent track list, and Cooper’s band is as professional as any other lineup. The sonics are great, and Fistful is a nice full recording without a lot of crowd noise. The Cabo Wabo is probably a great stage for capturing a live recording.
Finally, Alice self-produced the new song “Is Anyone Home?”, featuring a different set of musicians. Unexpectedly pop sounding and even featuring a Beatles-like string section, “Is Anyone Home?” was very unlike most of Alice’s stuff. Take acoustic rock a-la popular 90’s acts like Fastball or the Goo Goo Dolls, crank it up a notch, and add Alice Cooper’s unmistakable voice. It’s a good track to throw on as a bonus for a live album. It did not indicate at all where Cooper was going musically, which would prove to be the industro-metal of Brutal Planet. “Is Anyone Home?” then is an interesting sideline from the main trajectory, but worth having.
A Fistful of Alice was an important album in some ways. At the time, many fans wondered if Alice had quietly retired. He hadn’t. He was playing a lot of golf, but he was also touring regularly. I saw him play a similar set in Kitchener Ontario in 1997, with the lineup including Reb Beach. Like on Fistful, he played a few songs from his most recent album even though he technically wasn’t supporting it, and I liked that. Pick up A Fistful of Alice for a good single-disc summary of the Alice Cooper live experience, and a pretty decent new tune too.
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