JAYMZ BEE & the ROYAL JELLY ORCHESTRA – ClintEastWoodyAllenAlda(1997 BMG)
Only one of the reasons that Jaymz Bee is totally awesome is that his name isn’t even really James B. Â He’s actually a James D, from North Bay Ontario, and he is one whacky fellow. Â A TV music veteran from the Look People (which also spawned Kevin Hearn, future Barenaked Lady) and the Ralph Benmegui show, the man is actually quite a musical genius. Â After the TV stint, Jaymz teamed up with Jono Grant and immersed himself in lounge music. Â I have to credit T-Rev for discovering this disc in the late 90’s and turning us onto it. Â He was all about the lounge music at the time, and Jaymz was catchy and hilarious.
“Man Can Fly” opens the album on a distinctly campy note, but listen to those bass chops and that flute solo! Â T-Rev, who was always a jazzbo, gave this CD a few fair spins in-store and you can hear why. Â It’s a great, bright sound that’s perfect for work. Â “The Man in the Saucy Suit” could work as background music for a Bugs Bunny mapcap adventure, and the lyrics are quite witty.
Our favourite song was usually “You Put the Babe in Baby”, a fast dexterous jazzy tongue twister.  Freakin’ incredible, and now I need to pause for a cocktail.  Thankfully, the CD jacket has recipes for three suitable drinks: the Berlin Martini, the signature Jaymz Bee Martini, and a Rob Roy!
“Amazon Sugar Pie” is a delightfully jaunty jungle journey with zoot suits and swing. Â Then on “Tony Bennettless”, Jaymz advises us that no party can swing if it is Tony Bennett-less, and he makes a convincing argument. Â “Free food and free booze, no it don’t mean a thing,” if a bash is Tony Bennett-less. Â “A Dog Like You” is another chaotic tongue twister, lyrically hilarious and musically top drawer.
The most surprising track is “A Groovy Movie”, the most straightforward rocking-est of the songs. Â The humour and swing is intact, but this time you can get down and dance like Austin Powers back in the 60’s again. Â I think the most interesting song is the slinky, snail-y quiz show sounding title track. Â It’s fun to try and figure out the compound names before Jaymz gives them away in the words… “BuffySaintMarieAntoinetteFuniCelloBiafra”? Â “RickJamesDeanMartinShort”?
“Music to Watch Girls By” is yet another fun 60’s swing, and “The Future Keeps Kicking My Ass” is nocturnal and slinky goodness with a Tom Waits vibe…but the closer “Nails” is manic musical insanity. Â It’s another lyrical masterwork of wit. Â “Nails! You bang ’em with a hammer! Nails! You cut ’em or you grow ’em…” and you’d be surprised just how many things you can do with nails according to this song, but then we diversify to snails, whales, jails, and finally back again to nails! Â Best line: “Whales: One swallowed Fred and Barney Rubble!” Â (You remember that episode, I know ya do.) Â And stay tuned for the hidden bonus track, in French.
Brilliant with humour like a great Zappa disc.  Buy it.
It’s been two years since Tommy Morais contributed a review here. Â It is with great joy that I celebrate Tommy’s return, and that of the rock band Europe! Â Please join me in welcoming back Tommy, a great reviewer originally from the province of New Brunswick, Canada.
NEW RELEASE review by TOMMY MORAIS
“Europe establishes itself as a modern classic rock band”
EUROPE – War of Kings (2015 UDR)
After the bluesy affair that was Bag of Bones, the band Europe returns to a heavier sound and approach on War of Kings and ultimately, a more Europe-sounding album. The band has essentially transformed itself from its glam metal roots to essentially become a modern classic rock band. I’ve always been a fan of albums like Wings of Tomorrow and Out of This World, just as l am a fan of Last Look At Eden and their recent albums. If anyone cares to listen there’s more to this band than “The Final Countdown”, the occasional hit song and power ballads. For anyone who’s been keeping track, they know that the last few Europe albums have been very enjoyable and saw them release some of their best music thus far in their career (Last Look At Eden, Start From The Dark, Secret Society).
The title track opens up, and it’s every bit as epic sounding as you expect it to be. Â It’s a raunchy, slow down and dirty metallic number. Europe makes it clear from the get-go that they’re going in a heavy direction. “Hole in my Pocket” is a more light and upbeat track, and whereas the first track sounded more metal this one is more energetic AOR rock (with a blistering John Norum solo). “Second Day” is one of the highlights for me: the lyrics and the feel of the song are inspiring and Joey Tempest’s voice sounds like some part deep on him is aching and it’s brilliant. “Praise You” is a slow tempo rocker, not-quite ballad with a bluesy feel (Norum’s playing is just magnificent here) with hard rock tempo changes… this track really surprised me! “Nothin’ To Ya” is in a similar vein as the title track in that it goes for an epic feel but there’s orchestration on in the background that makes it interesting.
“California 405” is a cool mellow, almost easy-listening song. “Days of Rock ‘N’ Roll” is probably the closest sounding thing to a “The Final Countdown” here, and that is based on the joyous riff it possesses. Another solid rocker. Â “Children of the Night” is a dark sounding tune with some excelling guitar playing, something almost fit for the late great Ronnie James Dio. “Rainbow Bridge” has an exotic sound; it makes me feel like l’m about to enter some place like Morocco. Â It’s this album’s “Kashmir”, very different and very cool. Â “Angels (With Broken Hearts”) could almost be considered a ballad but it’s really a slow, here-comes-the-heartache piece with the music doing the biggest talking. “Light Me Up” is not bad at all, but it’s my least favourite song on War of Kings and not the best way to end the album.
For what it is I quite enjoy War of Kings, and it offers a solid collection of songs. Joey Tempest’s voice has aged like a fine wine where you can tell he’s comfortable and confident in his abilities, and this is possibly the best he’s ever sounded in all honesty. John Norum is a very talented guitar player and he has his shining moments in his riffs and solos, and puts a little blues out there as well. Europe are competent musicians and it certainly comes across as such, and maybe even more so now that they have moved past the “glam” and “hair” metal tags. I feel like since their comeback in the early 2000’s they’ve truly become a modern classic rock band in sound and spirit (don’t worry they still love and play the classics and hits live).
While it’s true that you only get one first impression, l wish more people would give Europe a chance, because they’re not the same band they were during the 80’s and they’ve become better musicians as time passed by. I think a lot of classic rock fans who didn’t like Europe during their most successful years especially might enjoy this a lot more than they’d ever think. Maybe some were hoping for a nostalgia trip but the keyboards and power ballads are not to be found here, this is a more mature Europe and a very fine one at that. For that reason l think some would like this a lot more. And if you were a fan all along then what are you waiting for? Pick this up and give it a spin. I praise Europe for giving us a true great hard rock record in 2015.
I was aboard on the ground floor with Hurricane, as soon as I heard of them. Â I was already a huge Quiet Riot fan, and Hurricane had in their roster the brothers of Rudy Sarzo and Carlos Cavazo. Â On guitar was Robert Sarzo (now in Operation: Mindcrime), and on bass Tony Cavazo. Â Their first video ever, “Hurricane”, was in near-constant rotation at Chez LeBrain. Â When I joined the Columbia House record club, Hurricane’s first full length Over the Edge was in my introductory first order.
I loaned Over the Edge to my buddy Bob, who did not like it. Â I was surprised because I thought it was right up his alley, but he didn’t care for the singer Kelly Hansen (now in Foreigner). Â I was digging it at the time, and although there were some tracks that were undoubtedly filler, I thought it had quite a few killers too! Â The first single “I’m On to You” for example was memorable, tough enough, and catchy as anything that major bands had been releasing.
There were two big names attached to the album: Mike Clink produced it, with Bob Ezrin acting as executive producer. Â You would expect it to sound a lot better than it actually does. Â Vocals and guitars often seem distant, the drums don’t have enough snap, and there are weird distracting keyboard overdubs that cramp the mix. Â Over the Edge is not horrible sounding by any stretch, but it sure is not up to the standards of Mike Clink and Bob Ezrin.
It’s not always your best bet to open an album with a slow-building semi-rocker like “Over the Edge”, acoustic intro and all.  Thankfully, Robert’s electric riff kicks in and the track begins to rock like an old Europe anthem.  It’s a little more dark and foreboding than most of the hard rock making the charts in ’88 — it has some weight to it, and that’s what I liked about it.  But I also get what my friend Bob didn’t like about Hansen’s vocals.  He has powerful lungs but when he’s pushing, his voice can sound a little uneven.  As an album opener, “Over the Edge” implies there will be drama and twists and turns ahead.
The first twist is a bizarre cover of Alice Cooper’s “I’m Eighteen” that slows down and unnecessarily modernizes the track. Â Maybe this cover was Ezrin’s doing. Â I don’t know and I advise that it’s a track for skipping as it just kills the momentum. Â “I’m On to You” is way, way better. Â A bright hard rocker with a catchy na-na-na chorus and fiery guitar licks is a fast way to the heart.
“Messin’ With a Hurricane” is a pretty cool song, sounding a bit like 80’s-era Ace Frehley lyrically and musically, but without Ace!  Then “Insane” (a song title Ace also used in ’88) ends the side with a boring “blues” rock jam.  Nope, sorry, no sparks happening for me here.  Even worse though, side two opener “We Are Strong”…oh man.  I am struggling to describe how bad this song is.  Imagine swimming in a jar of lukewarm Cheez-Wiz.  Nothing about this sounds good to me.
Hurricane salvage the situation with “Spark in My Heart”, a decent hard rocker with an anthemic chorus.  It has some balls to it and Hansen’s singing here is great.  “Give Me an Inch” is really good.  It uses the guitar sparingly and has an unusual construction that I am immediately attracted to.  It’s very different, and still hits the spot today.  Likewise, “Shout” is still a good song, although Kelly Hansen pushes the limits of his range on it.
One thing about Kelly Hansen that I need to point out is that since 1988, his voice has barely changed at all! Â He has lost nothing. Â Singing with Foreigner is a serious gig, and he does it.
The best and worst track on the album is the instrumental closer “Baby Snakes” (no relation to Frank Zappa). Â In an unexpected left turn, the band crank out a fast-paced metal shuffle with smoking drums and solos. Â But…but but but! Â These amazingly smoking instrumental passages are then lowered in volume as we listen to some guy named Jeff calling up some girl named Jenny and constantly asking her out, while she blows him off. Â It gets tired fast, especially when, for a brief moment, the volume comes back on and Robert Sarzo rips out a killer solo only to be interrupted by Jeff and Jenny again. Â Bad call, guys. Â Bad call.
MVP: Drummer Jay Schellen, a serious talent with chops and creative fills.  The guy smokes all over this record.
Q: Who would release a box set dressed up in faux-leather and studs?
A: Who else? PRIEST!
This five disc set (4 CD/1 DVD) compiles a generous sampling of Judas Priest’s music over the decades, from Rocka Rolla (1974) to Demolition (2002). While the tracklist is far from perfect in my eyes (where’s “Rocka Rolla”, “One For the Road”, the studio version of “Victim Of Changes”, “The Ripper”, etc?) it does provide some previously unreleased live versions (both B-sides and never-before-released) and a completely unreleased demo. It’s not a bad set. Just not the one I would have made personally given the opportunity.*
With insanely great fortune, I got this box set (a limited edition by the way; reissues lack the DVD) in mint condition but used at my own store! One of my favourite sellers, a customer named Conrad sold it to me only a short time after release. Â I don’t know why and I don’t care. Â I was just glad to have it affordably. Â I loved the packaging and there was that unreleased demo that I was eager to finally hear. Â Â Also, Metalogy was the first anthology style box set from Priest and I wanted to hear how it played out.
The unreleased song is the awesome hard rock track “Heart of a Lion”, demoed for Turbo back in ’85. You may have heard this one in re-recorded form on Halford’s live album Insurrection. It was also recorded back in the 80’s by a young band called Racer X, starring Paul Gilbert (Mr. Big) on guitar, and a drummer by the name of Scott Travis! It was a surprise to me that “Heart of a Lion” was not released on the Priest Re-masters series; obviously they were deviously saving it for something later, like this box set.
Some of the live versions are exclusive to this set. Two newly released versions included a 1981 radio broadcast of “Green Manalishi” (unfortunately, meaning the studio track isn’t on here). There is also an unreleased broadcast version of “Love Bites” from ’86. Â In addition to these, there are a few live tracks taken from old single B-sides. Unfortunately I already have all Priest’s B-sides, on a Japanese compilation called Priest Live & Rare.
The biggest weakness with this box set is that it tragically loses steam right at the end. In 2002 when the last original Priest music had been recorded, Rob Halford had yet to rejoin the band and Ripper Owens was still the current singer. The box ends with four Ripper tunes, and not necessarily the best ones. “Jugulator” is an undeniable inclusion, but there is a feeling of anticlimax. Leaving an exciting and unheard track like “Heart of a Lion” for last would have ended set on an up note. Â (Perhaps Priest could have included some Ripper-era rarities to add some value and excitement — there were a few songs available.)
Judas Priest Live (DVD)
The limited edition DVD, cleverly called Judas Priest Live, has since been released on its own. This is the old Judas Priest Live video, also known as Live Vengeance ’82, from the Screaming for Vengeance tour (Memphis Tennessee). Â It’s one of those music videos that you probably remember seeing back in the day. It’s quintessential early 80’s live Priest — all black leather and shiny studs. The setlist leans heavily on Screaming and British Steel, with classics throughout. Â The stage is pretty bare, just some girders and a Screaming for Vengeance flag in behind.
This concert has been remixed for DVD, in both stereo and 5.1 surround. Â I have read some complaints from fans that guitar overdubs were added to some tracks. Â I listened intently but could not conclude one way or the other that any tampering was done.
A pre-recorded “Hellion” acts as intro music; Priest emerge onstage amidst lasers and smoke to play “Electric Eye”.  Halford is  the caricature of himself, bearing a bullwhip, and looking something like the biker from the Village People.  Nevertheless, a young Rob Halford slowly and deliberately commands the stage, powerful voice cracking but getting the job done.  Tipton and Downing are on the flanks, tearing into “Riding on the Wind” next.  The pulse of Ian Hill and Dave Holland, plain is it may be, is metronomically precise.  The video is shot and edited to my taste; lots of closeups although the light flaring is distracting.  (J.J. Abrams did not direct the video though!)  KK Downing makes some of the best “guitar faces” this side of Nigel Tufnel.
“Heading Out to the Highway” brings the speed down from the breakneck pace.  This mid-tempo classic has long been a favourite, although at the time it was only a year old!  Three songs in, and Priest had not yet played anything from British Steel or before!  The confidence in their new material is refreshing.  Rob treats us to some hilarious dancing, but I admit I’d kill for a leather vest like that, with the bird from Screaming emblazoned on the back!  Fear not though, as “Metal Gods”, a British Steel classic, is next.  Rob’s robot dance gets my nod for “favourite moment of the concert”.
Back to new songs, the sharp guitars and robotic pulse of “Bloodstone” gets fists pumping in the air.  The cameras are not wasted on audience shots (I’d rather see the band), but you can see the crowd digging the new material as much as the old.  They really like “Breaking the Law” though, which has a blazing intensity.  Then it’s back to the stone ages:  KK Downing’s guitar showcase “Sinner”.  This killer song loses something with Holland on drums, but it’s more about KK anyway.  His solo is resplendent, but Rob nails the screams!  “Desert Plains” is faster than the Point of Entry version but more powerful.  This is one that Dave Holland is well suited to, and the Hill/Holland pulse is fully apparent.
Here’s something you don’t hear at Judas Priest concerts anymore: Rob screaming at the crowd, “Are you high?  Sing yeah!”  As a kid, I naively assumed Rob meant high on the music, the adrenaline of the concert, and I’m sure that’s the answer he’d give to the press if asked about it. As a cynical adult, I’m sure he meant “Are you high?” as in “Are you high?”!
All the way back to Sad Wings, “a little Victorian melodrama for you,” it’s “The Ripper”! Â Some stage bombs help out with the drama, and Rob sinks his teeth into the words. It’s an absolutely metal-perfect ode to Jack himself. Â “Diamonds and Rust” is an unexpected treat, as glimmery as it was on Sin After Sin.
Rob takes a moment to tell the crowd that there are cameras all over the place because they’re making the very first “Judas Priest movie”, and possible live album. Â Still waiting on that live album today, Rob! Â Back to the new album, it’s “Devil’s Child”, which Rob imbues with a strange monotone during the verses. Â This exact version was released as a bonus track on the remastered Screaming For Vengeance. Â As such it’s familiar to me and I enjoy the vocal twist. Â “Screaming for Vengeance” continues the onslaught of new songs, concluded by the chugging fan favourite “You’ve Got Another Thing Comin'”.
Closing the set with “Victim of Changes” is a suitably dramatic end. Â “Victim” is spot-on, and Rob is as animated as he gets. Â Headbanging away, Downing and Tipton are at his sides, while Ian Hill stands bolted to the stage, swaying his bass back and forth hidden behind a cloud of smoke! Â This brilliant version has all the twists and turns you expect, and that end scream is so satisfying even if Rob misses the note by several notches.
“The Green Manalishi” rears its leather-studded head in the encores, but not before the big hit, “Living After Midnight”. Â And let’s not forgot Rob’s boring “Oh yeah!” chant-along. Â Thankfully this version of “Green Manalishi” is a killer (as is the 1981 live version on CD 1 of this box set). Â “What you sayin’ Memphis?” screams Rob, before KK and Glenn dig in to their trademark solos. Â “Green Manalishi” remains to this day an example of a song improved as a cover version, with all due respect to Peter Green.
It ain’t over ’til the bike comes out, and it does on “Hell Bent for Leather”. Â Rob sits reclined on his Harley, bullwhip back in hand, commanding the masses. Â After dozens of power chords and crashed cymbals, it’s finally over — 95 minutes of Judas Priest fury, at the height of their 1980’s power. Â Not bad for a little bonus DVD (video quality issues aside), and worth picking up separately if you feel so inclined.
In closing
Review the track list yourself, see what you have and what you want, amd buy accordingly. I can tell you that this set was worth it for me for “Heart of a Lion” and the unreleased live material. Â The DVD was gravy.
“Sticking to the code of the Top Gear brotherhood, I left James and Richard behind.” — Jeremy Clarkson
TOP GEAR – Bolivia Special (2009 BBC, 76 minutes)
I wanted to review an episode of Top Gear that had something to do with music, which isn’t hard since so many rock and pop stars from Ronnie Wood to Ed Sheeran have been on the show. Â My favourite recurring Top Gear gag involved tormenting Richard Hammond with Genesis music, whom he despises. Â Specially, the song “I Know What I Like (In Your Wardrobe)” from Selling England by the Pound is frequently played as torture. I chose the Top Gear Bolivia special to review as it is especially funny, breathtaking and interesting through its entire length. I realized though, that the Genesis gag was not used in this special, thus negating any real music connection in this review (aside from James May’s nickname “Ted Nugent”). Â So, here is the Genesis track, and I’ll review the episode anyway!
Skip to about 1:30 to hear Hammond’s “favourite” part
The challenge: Each man must purchase a car for less than £3,500, sight unseen, from a local Bolivian website.  They are advised to buy four-wheel-drive vehicles, to take them from a river in the middle of the Amazon, to Chile and the Pacific coast. It is a 1000 mile journey through jungle, desert, and bad roads.  The most dangerous road in the world, in fact — the infamous Death Road.
Jeremy Clarkson chose a Range Rover classic, Richard Hammond a Toyota Land Cruiser, and James May a Suzuki. Â They are sent to the start point of the journey by boat, but the cars have not yet arrived. Â The three are like fish completely out of water. Â James May is not an outdoorsman, Hammond is afraid of insects, and Jeremy is allergic to hard labour. Â They are, according to Clarkson, “the three worst explorers in history”, and they have been dumped on a riverbank in the middle of nowhere.
May: Â “Since we didn’t know what to do, we sat down, and did nothing.”
The cars are sent to them by barge, with no apparent way to offload them to land. Â Immediately it’s obvious that the guys may have bought lemons. Â May’s car isn’t in the advertised colour, but worse, has no air in the tires. Â Clarkson’s doesn’t have the engine it was advertised to have, leaving him with a less powerful 3.5L. Â Hammond’s Toyota has been customized by hand into a convertible!
The Range Rover scores an early victory, when they use it to pull Jeremy out of the mud that he was standing (and sinking) in. Â Much to everyone’s delight, the car actually started! Â It is the Toyota that fails to start, an embarrassing beginning for the diminutive Hammond. Â The following day, they figure out how to get the vehicles off the barge, on the ground, and running more or less properly, but it’s good fun watching them learn by trial and error! Â It takes three days of hacking and slashing with machetes through the jungle, just to get to a road. Â Clarkson is pleased to have bought “the only 1980’s Range Rover in the world, that works.” Â Though he can’t say the same for any of his gauges.
Hammond on the other hand says that he has “bought the only malfunctioning Land Cruiser in the world.” Â He has no brakes, and no gauges. Â May’s Suzuki is small but sturdy. Â Through it all, the three are always entertaining, picking on one another and always looking for an advantage. Â They are quick to mock the Range Rover when it is first to break down (a piece of bamboo through the fan, destroying it). Â Clarkson will have none of criticism, calling the Range Rover “the hero of the day”, and rightly pointing out that it was the Rover that got the other two off the barge.
Clarkson: “We passed the time by bickering, until the engine cooled down.”
Breaking down, getting stuck, it’s all in a day’s pay for the Top Gear three. Â Through it the audience at home gets to see the innards of the Amazon in sparkling hi-def. Â The jungle is beautiful, vibrant, and dangerous. Â Roads come to sudden ends, rivers appear in the middle of nowhere, and the insects are always biting. Â Mishaps are constant. Â Clarkson accidentally sets fire to Hammond’s soft top while cutting vents in his own hood to keep his engine cool.
The biggest visual spectacle is the infamous Death Road, on the way to La Paz. Â This road, which claims hundreds of lives every year, is best described as a little notch carved into the side of a cliff face. Â And it’s the only highway between the Amazon and the major hub of La Paz, which means sometimes cars have to pass each other on this one-lane strip of dirt. Â Breathtaking, terrifying…and James May is deathly afraid of heights.
As per usual, the men customize their vehicles, when they finally hit La Paz intact. Â They must prepare for a desert journey through one of the driest places on earth — where it has never rained, and nothing can survive. Â (“Richard Hammond was the smallest living organism for miles.” — Clarkson.) For desert traction, Clarkson and Hammond raise their vehicles and install larger tires, but this does not turn out to be the advantage they hoped for. Â May, meanwhile just repaired his car (a faulty alternator) rather than change it. Â But they can’t handle the lack of oxygen at 16,000 feet above sea level and are forced to turn back, and take a longer route to the Pan-America highway. Â The Toyota suffers numerous breakdowns, while the Range Rover, “the world’s most unreliable car,” is the most reliable. Â As for the challenge, it remains gripping right to the end. Â It could have been anyone’s race.
In the end, I think Jeremy Clarkson said it best:
“It is incredible to think that these cheap cars, bought unseen on the internet, had crossed the Amazon rainforest. They’d scaled the most dangerous road in the world, and they’d still been working when their drivers had broken down in the Andes.”
Here’s an album I haven’t rocked in a while. Â Let’s see how it holds up 16 years after release. Â In 1999, this was W.A.S.P.’s “return to form” album after the industrial-metal of K.F.D. Â In the liner notes, Blackie says that the goal was not to make a record that sounded like their first album, but sounded like their first demos. Â In other words, even more raw. Â Those were the goalposts. Â Topically, Blackie was done with the messages and concept albums for the moment. Â You can tell by the song titles: Â “Don’t Cry (Just Suck)” and “Dirty Balls”, for example.
The record opens with creepy carnival music, motorcycle engines, and a voice asking us if we wanna go now? Â This goofy opener (called “Drive By”) Â goes on way too long, but at least the first song up is the purely smoking “Hellodrado”. Â It’s definitely in the mold of the legendary first W.A.S.P. album, and the production does recollect an earlier era. Â This blazing fast ride to hell n’ back is plenty fun, even if Blackie is just playing a sped up and more distorted Chuck Berry riff. Â Either way, I’m on board, but I’m definitely fastening my seatbelt.
“Don’t Cry (Just Suck)” is lyrically as offensive as you’d expect.  Blackie went too far on this one.  There’s something to be said for leaving things to the imagination.  There’s nothing wrong with the music (similar to the first track with an Angus Young riff) but the lyrics aren’t justified.  I’m sure everybody thought it was hilarious when they wrote it and recorded it, but all I hear are old tired cliches turned up to 11, and I don’t mean that in a good way.
A slower and more ominous mood, akin to “The Razors Edge” by AC/DC, inhabits “Damnation Angels”. Â This is a cool song, fitting the slot that a track like “B.A.D.” held on the first album. Â “Damnation Angels” is fittingly the only long song (over six minutes) on an album otherwise composed of shorties. Â “Dirty Balls” is one such shorty, and it’s fucking awesome. Â Too bad about the lame intro. Â Again, Blackie would have been better off leaving something to the imagination. Â “Dirty Balls” is otherwise hilarious and smokin’ hot at the same time. Â Sometimes all W.A.S.P. really needs is a rock n’ roll riff and a screamy chorus. Â “Dirty balls! Balls! Balls! Is all I need, hang ’em high, oh tonight, so the world can see!” Â I’m easily amused — all it takes is someone saying “balls” and I’m concealing snickers. Â (When I was a kid, my favourite song was “Big Balls”.)
“High on the Flames” kicks ass in a mid-tempo groove once again aping the AC/DC template. Â The problem with Helldorado isn’t bad songs, but songs that sound too much alike. Â “High on the Flames” kicks ass, but blink for a moment and you might think it’s “Damnation Angels” again. Â “Cocaine Cowboys” compounds the issue. Â It is a virtual carbon copy of “Dirty Balls” and “Helldorado”, and even the next song “Can’t Die Tonight”. Â I have found this to be a problem on W.A.S.P. albums going all the way back to The Crimson Idol if not before. Â There seems to be a W.A.S.P. template that you can mix and match parts from. Â Take this riff, add this solo, use that bridge, add lyrics and stir.
“Saturday Night Cockfight” is a great song title, you have to admit.  This one sounds especially raw, and has a neat little riff that doesn’t sound like a duplicate of all the others.  I dig Holmes’ solo(s) on this one; he just kicks ass on it. “Saturday Night Cockfight” is the sleeper track, a real classic tucked away at the end of the album right when you think it’s going downhill.
Finally, the album careens to an end by crashing into the boards. Â A 9-song album (don’t forget the first track is just an intro), already bogged down by carbon copy riffs, ends on “Hot Rods to Hell (Helldorado Reprise)”. Â That’s right, Blackie ends the CD with a reprise of the opening track. Â This amounts to a whole lotta solos and screaming, and that’s all well and good, but you feel like the album was perhaps padded out a bit where it could have used a little more time at the songwriter’s table.
I like Helldorado, and if you love the first W.A.S.P. album, you’ll like this too. Â You won’t love it as much, and you won’t play it as much, but it’ll have its place in your collection.
3/5 stars
Pet peave: Four full pages of the eight page booklet are dedicated to Blackie hawking his W.A.S.P. merch.
On Greg Keelor’s solo debut, he kicks back with some mellow tunes and invites the listener in on a personal trip. Blue Rodeo has always done some slow material, but this album is even slower, to an extreme. For example, the lead track “When I See You” starts with some extremely sluggish brush drums, before some spare piano chords come in. When Greg’s voice comes in, he’s whispering.
There are several tracks that play with this tempo on Gone. The first song that breaks pace is “Blue Star” which has some nice mellow tremolo guitar and a typically sweet Greg vocal melody. The next track, “Home” is A capella, a track that I have seen Greg sing live with Blue Rodeo (on the 1998 Tremolo tour). It’s an amazing performance. Greg’s voice, while imperfect, is full of character. It’s the best song on the album, just due to sheer passion. A personal favourite.
“No Landing (Lucknow)” is what you would expect for a Blue Rodeo ballad, another strong track. “White Marble Ganesh” is the one that might leave listeners scratching their heads. As the title suggests, Greg is experimenting with Indian sounds and tabla drums. Very strong vocal hooks abound. This should have been a huge hit! Alas, we don’t live in a perfect world.
Of note to Sarah McLachlan fans: Sarah appears on vocals, piano and even lead guitar on several tracks!
So why only three stars? This CD has five very good songs, those being “Home”, “No Landing (Lucknow)”, “Blue Star”, “Star Of The Show”, and “White Marble Ganesh”. The rest are all in the slow mode, and are just too similar. It’s a great album, a powerful statement, and a glimpse into what Greg Keelor is all about, but unless you are in the right mood you may be bored with the slow stuff.
I’ll confess that this review has little to do with rock and roll.  The Blu-ray disc does contain a killer 7.1 DTS HD surround sound mix, and that will appeal to those who appreciate a good 7.1 soundtrack.  I haven’t had the chance to review many 7.1 releases here.  Other than that, the only connection is that Charlie Sheen parties like a rock star, so he’s in the club honorarily at this point. He did in fact proclaim himself a “total freakin’ rock star from Mars,” and I’m not going to argue with Charlie Sheen.
When this movie came out back in the 90’s, I snagged a neat widescreen VHS copy in a clamshell case, which ironically has more special features than the Blu-ray or DVD releases! It’s weird and disappointing to me that the interviews from the VHS version are not available anymore, but whatever — when I found this disc at a cut-rate price I decided to make the leap from the tape to Blu.
The good: The 7.1 surround mix is really excellent. When Charlie Sheen first discovers an alien signal, it’s rotating around the room in a really cool way. There aren’t many discs out there in 7.1, but if you’ve got the equipment, here’s a good sci-fi movie to try out. The hi-def transfer also looked quite good.
The bad: Oh dear Lord, some of these mid-90’s movies have the worst CG effects. The Arrival has some of the worst I’ve seen in a movie of this stature.
Plot summary: Charlie Sheen is Zane Zaminski, an astronomer working for the JPL in the search for extraterrestrial intelligence. Mirroring the plot of the concurrently released (but much higher budgeted) Contact, Zaminski finds a “wow” signal and takes it to his boss, Phil Gordian (Ron Silver).  But there may be a conspiracy afoot — Gordian secretly destroys the tape, the only proof of the signal.  He has Zaminski fired, and attempts to destroy his credibility in the scientific community. Why?
The firing scene is especially enjoyable today, as Zane Zaminski has a paranoid public meltdown foreshadowing that of his tiger blood drinking, eternally winning, rock-star-wizard real-life counterpart. Â It’s amusing from that point of view, but it’s also a really cool scene that Sheen and Silver both nail.
What follows is a series of mysteries, cover-ups and alien intrigue that links Zane to Ilana Green (Lindsay Crouse, Iceman) in Mexico. Dr. Green has found flowers growing in a small patch of grass in the frigid Arctic, and links it to a strange spike in CO2 emissions. But how is that happening, and to what ends?
Several exciting action sequences are to be enjoyed before Zane discovers what is really going on down in Mexico and why Gordian turned on him. It’s not a monumental earth-shattering revelation, nor is it a total surprise, but I won’t spoil it for you regardless.  The Arrival is a fun movie, and that’s all it’s really intended to be, so I’ll save the fun for you.
For the price I paid ($11), this disc was totally worthwhile regardless of the fact that it has zero special features. It’s a decent yarn, the sound is awesome, and it’s always nice to upgrade from VHS to hi-def.
SPINAL TAP – The Original Soundtrack Recording from the Motion Picture “This is Spinal Tap” (1984, 2010 Universal remaster)
In true Spinal Tap fashion, it turned out that I reviewed their albums in the wrong order. Â I went backwards, and the soundtrack to the motion picture This is Spinal Tap is the last Tap album for me to scrutinize. Â Though Spinal Tap is a parody band made of actors Michael McKean, Christopher Guest and Harry Shearer, it is easier to just refer to them as David St. Hubbins, Nigel Tufnel, and Derek Smalls.
If you happened to go through life without owning a single soundtrack album, then you must reverse that situation immediately.  All self-respecting rock fans must be able to laugh at the absurdities of their favourite genres, and Spinal Tap represent every mis-step that legendary rock bands ever took.  Spinal Tap forced real life rockers such as Judas Priest and Ronnie James Dio to laugh at themselves; a healthy undertaking.  Even though some artists didn’t see the humour in the movie This is Spinal Tap, others did and were quick to claim that certain scenes were actually based upon them!
The single/video “Hell Hole” opens the album, a rare Nigel lead vocal with David St. Hubbins on the chorus.  According to the helpful liner notes, this track was from Tap’s then-new reunion album, Smell the Glove.  Scorching guitar from St. Hubbins and Tufnel; slamming drums from Mick Shrimpton and spot-on organ by Viv Savage: it’s all here.  And let’s not forget the band’s secret weapon Derek Smalls on bass and backing vocals, thickening up the mix like a good brown gravy….
I always think of “Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight” as the song on which something is all but guaranteed to go wrong, live.  In the studio it’s a taut rocker with explicit lyrics:  “You’re sweet but you’re just four feet and you still got your baby teeth, you’re too young and I’m too well-hung but tonight I’m gonna rock ya!”  Lock up your daughters, but you don’t want to miss this scorching classic from 1974’s Intravenus de Milo.
“Heavy Duty” is a concert classic, originally from Bent for the Rent (1976), but to me it has long overstayed its welcome. Â It is a mere skeleton of a song with not enough raw meat. Â It does ask an important question in the lyrics, “Why waste good music on the brain?” Â Interesting inquiry David; something to get the metal masses thinking. Â For fans of Nigel Tufnel’s signature shredding, you will find much to love in his solo for “Heavy Duty”. Â Moving forward to 1977, we are next treated to the title track from Rock and Roll Creation, Tap’s misguided collection of rock and roll psalms. Â Thankfully the track “Rock and Roll Creation” itself boasts one of the band’s strongest choruses, though it is certainly hard to forget the scene in the movie when Derek fails to escape his pod.
The liner notes say that “America” is previously unreleased (I did not know that). Â It was barely in the film. Â This duet between Nigel and David boasts some heavy riffing, but not much in terms of melody. Â Lyrically the song recounts the experience of Spinal’s visits to America, “pretty womens everywhere, Brady Bunch and Smokey Bear!”
Side one of the soundtrack closes with “Cups and Cakes”, a pre-Tap single from 1965 when they were still known as The Thamesmen. Â This is a Tufnel creation about having tea. Â Predating Sgt Peppers by two years, obviously the Beatles must have taken inspiration from “Cups and Cakes” for their own songs. Â Strings and trumpets create the backing music while nary a rock instrument can be heard.
The legendary “Big Bottom” (from Brainhammer, 1973) was given some legitimacy when Soundgarden decided to cover it (as a medley with Cheech and Chong’s “Earache My Eye”). Â In this track all the axemen play bass — there are no guitars! Â Opening side two with a song that is all bass and no guitar was probably a genius move. Â I just can’t explain why. Â I’m just assuming. Unfortunately when Soundgarden covered it, they did it with guitars, failing to capture the mighty bass necessary to sing a song about bums.
“My baby fits me like a flesh tuxedo, I’d like to sink her with my pink torpedo”
From 1980’s poorly reviewed Shark Sandwich is the riffy “Sex Farm”.  Though Shark Sandwich might be considered one of Tap’s worst, “Sex Farm” is one of their most enduring anthems.  Readers of my regular feature here, Record Store Tales, may recall that my good friend Uncle Meat got written up at work for playing this song in store.  Supposedly somebody called in to complain about the lyrics.  This is Spinal Tap is his favourite movie of all time.  “I realize there is some innuendo,” says Meat.  “‘Plowin’ through your beanfield’…I just, you know, the thought of someone allegedly being so offended by Spinal Tap…” he trailed off.  (You can see the story in video form here, as this very CD was one of the Top Five Albums that Got Us in Shit at the Record Store.)
The best tune on 1975’s The Sun Never Sweats was undoubtedly “Stonehenge”, and I would argue that it remains the greatest Spinal Tap song of all time. Â It is hard to encapsulate this opus in mere English. Â Tap take us on a trip back in time with both Tufnel and St. Hubbins sharing lead vocals. Â The mandolin break at the end is one of Tap’s most famous musical moments, as it is there that things often seem to go wrong in concert, regarding the giant Stonehenge prop that is supposed to appear on stage.
In my last year of high school, my mom bought me this soundtrack on cassette. Â That helped enable a group of my friends to do a Spinal Tap “air band” at our school’s annual air band competition! Â Lacking a mandolin player, they instead snagged one of our math teachers who played banjo, and had him come out on stage dancing in lederhosen. Â Absolutely brilliant. Â I’m glad to have participated in it in my own small way of lending the tape. Â Bringing Spinal Tap to the highschool masses? Â There must be an award for that.
The album comes to an end with two oldies-but-goodies.  Back to the Thamesmen days, it’s 1965’s “Gimme Some Money”, the flip side to “Cups and Cakes”.  The drummer was John “Stumpy” Pepys (Ed Begley Jr.), a “tall blonde geek with glasses” according to David.  Pepys died in a bizarre gardening accident.  This artifact from their skiffle period is best remembered for Nigel’s cool guitar solo.  “Go Nigel, Go!”  Then finally it’s “(Listen to the) Flower People” from the cumbersome titled Spinal Tap Sings “Listen to the Flower People” and Other Favourites (1967).  The drummer on this track was Eric “Stumpy Joe” Childs, who sadly choked to death on vomit (not his own) in 1974.  What is especially interesting about this track is Nigel’s use of the sitar, a full two years after George Harrison did on Rubber Soul.  Spinal Tap were exploiting the hippy movement and this track was one of their greatest successes.
The remastered CD comes with two bonus tracks! Â The non-album single (1984) for “Christmas With the Devil” is presented in two mixes, one from the A-side and one from the B-side. Â Prior to this, the only version of “Christmas With the Devil” available on CD was the re-recorded one on 1992’s Break Like the Wind. Â The original single version(s) remained obscure until 2000, when Universal released them here. Â Now finally having them all, I must say I prefer the 1992 version best. Â The original does have a little more pep in its step, and there is a Christmas message from the band at the end. Â The “scratch mix” of the single is not much different.
All joking aside, it’s crucial to remember that these guys (the actors) were not musical slouches. Â Michael McKean was nominated for an Oscar award, for his music in 2003’s A Mighty Wind. Â The musicianship is there and it’s intentional humorous. Â You can hear musical jokes in the solos of Christopher Guest. Â As a result, the soundtrack is not only funny but also timeless. Â A good song is a good song is a good song, and some of the tracks here are actually really good when you break them down. Â “Tonight I’m Gonna Rock You Tonight”, “Sex Farm” and especially “Stonehenge” are all really good songs when it comes down to it!
In the real world, all the songs were written by the trio of Guest, McKean and Shearer with director Rob Reiner. Â The drums were handled by R.J. Parnell of Atomic Rooster, who played Mick Shrimpton in the movie. Â On keyboards is David Kaff (Rare Bird) otherwise known as Viv Savage from the film. Â (Rare Bird are probably best remembered as the band who originally did “Sympathy”, later covered by Marillion.) Â The album was self-produced. Â There is no questioning the chops of the musicians involved. Â It’s hard to create a musical joke of album length that is still fun to listen to 30 years later.
Trilogy: not only my first Yngwie Malmsteen album (cassette), but also the first Yngwie Malmsteen review here at mikeladano.com.
Trilogy was, appropriately, Yngwie’s third album.  It was also his first with new singer Mark Boals after the departure of the uber-talented Jeff Scott Soto.  I received this album (cassette) for Christmas of ’86 and it was all but instant dislike.  I knew a couple Yngwie songs, but none of the new ones, and I didn’t care for the new singer.  I saw this listed in an A&A Records and Tapes flier so I asked for it for Christmas.  All I really knew was that Yngwie was heavy metal and that he was a blazing fast player.  That did not prepare me for the distinctly European flavour and neo-classical leanings of Trilogy.
As it was, Polygram used to put out the shittiest quality cassettes. Â My copy of Trilogy was unlistenable in a matter of months, so until I got it again a decade later on CD, I didn’t have a chance to let it grow on me. Â In 1996 a used CD came into the store, and I was mocked for buying it by staff member the Boy Who Killed Pink Floyd. Â Here’s a weird thing about our old store receipts. Â They would imprint, permanently, whatever was on them onto the jewel case of a CD. Â My jewel case for Trilogy still has a faint accidental imprint of the receipt, so I know that I bought it October 11 1996, at precisely 4:29 pm! Â Apparently I paid by debit card.
Trilogy has grown on me over the years and now it’s a favourite Yngwie album. Â I still get what I didn’t like about it as a kid. Â The drums don’t sound very good (the album is self produced) and Mark Boals can be a bit over the top at times. Â There’s no denying the guy has range and power, but it was all flat-out back then. Â And of course Yngwie’s songs aren’t always the catchiest. Â You need to give them time, and I have.
The one song that I did like as a kid was the mid-tempo opener “You Don’t Remember, I’ll Never Forget”. Â I’ve always thought the melody and hooks were strong, and I still think it’s the strongest track on the album. Â “Liar” is also excellent, from the fast part of the spectrum. Â It sounds at times like Yngwie really wanted to be Ritchie Blackmore, but that’s OK. Â There are very few that can come even close to Ritchie Blackmore. Â “Queen in Love” is another mid-tempo track, similar to “You Don’t Remember” and almost as strong. Â As a kid, I found this one too slow. Â As an adult, I’m playing air bass along to it. Â (Yngwie played all bass on the album.)
One of things that I was most excited about hearing on an Yngwie album were instrumentals. Â “Crying” is the first, which features both classical and electric guitars. Â I’m noticing Yngwie has a nice vibrato when playing classical. Â This fine instrumental track is only hampered by the production values. Â Too much bass and poor drum and cymbal sounds distract the attention. Â The album side is redeemed by “Fury” which is another blazingly fast Yngwie electric medieval dance, and good enough for me.
“Fire” commences with some incendiary guitar, but the song itself is a plain old hard rocker with Jens Johansson providing keyboard hooks for the verses.  Then from some sorcerer’s bag of tricks is “Magic Mirror”, but it is indeed just smoke and mirrors.  Killer chorus aside, the song doesn’t catch, except when Yngwie is unleashing his own electric magic.  “Dark Ages” sets the scene; some dark cloudly and cold landscape about a thousand years ago.  This is a slow Dio-esque prowl, with Boals screaming his balls off.  It’s a bit much with the screaming, but the song does not suck.
I was expecting more instrumentals than this, but Yngwie saved a seven minute epic instrumental for last. Â “Trilogy Suite Op:5” is as bombastic as you’d guess it is. Â Running the gamut in tempos and tones, Yngwie composed a track here that is highly enjoyable. Â Jens and Yngwie get to duel with each other, but it’s definitely a guitar showcase. Â Electric and classical, Malmsteen pulls out all the stops on his opus. Â I mean, hey: it’s Yngwie J. fucking Malmsteen!
I am glad to say that I enjoy Trilogy a lot more today than I did in 1986. Â Bonus points are added for the cover art. Â Dio, after all, only had a single-headed dragon!
JAYMZ BEE & the ROYAL JELLY ORCHESTRA – ClintEastWoodyAllenAlda (1997 BMG)
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