Back in the Record Store Days, 5:00 pm was when the “day” shift ended and the “night” shift began. It was typical that the boss would call every day just before five to get the “five o’clock read”. He wanted to see what the stores’ sales were each day at 5:00. That tended to indicate if it would be a “good day” by the end of it or a “bad day”.
I discovered there was more to the daily 5:00 call than just sales.
The sly dual purpose was to make sure employees didn’t take off early. The bosses could have asked anybody to do a “five o’clock read” but they usually asked for the managers (except when they were mad at/not speaking to the managers). The cover was blown when the boss called Jonathan the accountant at five one day.
“I’m just calling to see how it is over there,” said the boss.
Jonathan was an accountant. It’s always the same over there.
He came out to tell me. “Man! Can you believe they were checking to make sure I was still here? They asked me ‘how it was going’ in the accounting office. The accounting office! You think it’s a coincidence he called right before five? He was checking on me.” He was pissed!
No early home time if you’re an accountant, or a store manager either! I was busted leaving a few minutes early one Friday. It didn’t matter that I showed up for work an hour and a half early. That five minutes at the end was all they wanted to talk about. I was given “the talk” and never once mentioned how the person giving me the talk was usually out well before five on a Friday.
Of Extreme’s five studio albums, there can be little doubt that Extreme III is the most ambitious. It is a sprawling set over 80 minutes in length; too long for a single CD. So long that only the cassette version has all 15 tracks in one place. In contains three distinct sides, each different from the other, countless styles, and an orchestra. Extreme took what made them popular on the last album, and what was currently going on with grunge rock, and tossed it all out the window. They followed their own direction and were not rewarded with sales, but something more important: a masterpiece.
The first “side” (keep in mind this is a CD) is subtitled “Yours” and consists of rockers both hard and funky. After a comedic intro, “Warheads” annihilates the speakers. A short choppy riff blows in, tempo opened up wide. Gary Cherone tries to keep his messages entertaining, and this anti-war anthem has a pretty obvious message. Nuno Bettencourt joins him for the choruses and breaks for a cool neo-classical solo. The same message carries over into the first single “Rest in Peace”, introduced by a string quartet playing the song’s melody before Nuno kicks it with a funky riff. During the solo, Nuno even quotes Jim Hendrix. “Rest in Peace” was not an immediate single, it takes some growing. This is true of the whole album. There is a lot going on. Even that little Hendrix lick — blink and you’ll miss it, but it’s there making the solo that much cooler. It is worth mentioning that Extreme did a fantastic video for “Rest in Peace” based on a 1952 National Film Board of Canada short called “Neighbours”. This wordless film served as the blueprint, but as a result they got sued and had to change it.
Gary Cherone loves creating his own portmanteaus (“Americocaine”, “Pornograffitti”), so “Politicalamity” is the title of the third track. It’s a wah-wah soaked funky rocker with fully-loaded horns making their first album appearance, in the tradition of “Get the Funk Out”. Lyrically it continues the anti-war theme dominating the first side, and also social injustice, but in a fun catchy style. “Rich and poor, salute your country’s colours. Less is more, When one oppresses the other.” That was 1992; I wonder what Gary would have to say about today? Racial equality dominates “Color Me Blind”, one of the hardest rockers on the side. “I had a dream last night, I was blind, and I couldn’t see colour of any kind.” It is possible that the lyrical tone of the album turned off some old fans, though Gary keeps things from getting preachy.
“Cupid’s Dead” is the only song on the first side without a serious message. This rap-rock hybrid features a guest rapper (John Preziosa Jr.) and a chugging, funky riff. Hard rock bands who incorporated rapping were seldom successful, but Extreme dodged this bullet. “Cupid’s Dead” is good enough that is was recently dusted off for the Pornograffitti Live 25 tour. Drummer Paul Geary and bassist Pat Badger keep the funk rolling in heavy fashion. The side-ending “Peacemaker Die” features Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech, surely some of the most powerful words in American history. It is difficult to not get the chills when Dr. King speaks, framed in this excellent funk rock lament.
Take a moment’s break here and pretend you’re flipping a record. Side two is subtitled “Mine” as a contrast to “Yours” for side one. “Mine” consists of six ballads, but only five are on the CD due to the 80 minute time restriction. Nuno expressed regret that the sixth track didn’t fit and hoped one day a 2 CD edition would be released. Still hoping!
“Seven Sundays” is a romantic song, a piano ballad with Gary in falsetto mode. Nuno adds synth strings for textures. “If I had one wish, it wouldn’t be hard to choose. Seven Sundays in a row, because that’s the day that I spend with you.” Quite a turn from “Cupid’s Dead”, but that’s why it’s on another side. “Tragic Comic” was the natural successor to the hits on Extreme II, a fun acoustic track with a “Hole Hearted” beat. The lyrics are clever comedy and the track was selected as a single. Many will identify with the hapless romantic, the titular stut-tut-tuttering p-poet. “And when we dine, I forget to push in your seat. I wear the wine, spillin’ it all over my sleeves.” Been there done that Gary! The lighthearted song is a delightful contrast to the darker material on side one.
Van Halen-style volume swells make up the intro guitar melody of “Our Father”, an electric power ballad with some stunning six-string mastery. “Stop the World” was chosen as a single, a light melancholy ballad reminding us that if we forget history we are bound to repeat it. These serious songs were not destined to repeat the big singles of albums past. When you play these songs, you feel things and you think things, and not everybody wants music to do that to them. Nuno’s solo on “Stop the World” is warm, immaculate perfection. “Stop the World” merges directly into “God Isn’t Dead?” (except in single form of course). “God Isn’t Dead?” is the darkest spot yet, quiet and painfully plaintive. Piano and orchestra paint a stark picture.
The final song on the side, and a hint of the daybreak ahead, is “Don’t Leave Me Alone”, which is only on the cassette version. Fear not however; it can be found in CD form on CD singles. Just rip everything to your computer and slide “Don’t Leave Me Alone” into the correction position in the running order. It belongs here at the end of the “Mine” side. It deliberately ends it on a brighter note than “God Isn’t Dead?” though it is still far from a good-time ballad. It is dusky lament, but with hints of light in the tunnel. Nuno’s moog solo is a treat.
At 12 songs, the “Yours” and “Mine” sides would make a complete album on their own, and it would still be an ambitious project at that. Regardless, the third side titled “& the Truth” is the most industrious of them all, an eager fulfillment of talents bursting at the seams. III Sides to Every Story…”Yours”, “Mine”, “& the Truth”. This time, the side is made up of one massive 22 minute song called “Everything Under the Sun”. It in turn is subdivided into three parts. This is where the orchestra really comes into play.
Part I, “Rise ‘n Shine” is the sunrise after the blackness of the second side. Gentle acoustics rouse you from your slumber, and Nuno takes the first verse of this duet. Gary follows on the second as the orchestra swells. “Rise ‘n Shine” is the most hopeful sounding music on the album, a bright and steady composition brilliantly structured. Daniel and his dreams may be a Biblical reference but they don’t have to be. A brief interlude foreshadows the melody of Part III, but first is Part II, “Am I Ever Gonna Change”. This section was chopped out and used as an individual song live and on compilations. You can hear why, since it has that echoey Van Halen guitar lick and a powerful nut-kicking chorus. The orchestra returns and it’s Extreme at full power. This eventually fades into the quiet start of Part III, “Who Cares?”. Inaudible voices whisper during a piano passage, and then the orchestra returns at maximum. Biblical overtones: “Tell me Jesus, are you angry? One more sheep has just gone astray.” Nuno’s singing is run through a vocoder giving him a computerized voice. Some might think it sounds like The Elder gone wrong, but that would be selling “Who Cares?” short. Finally Nuno breaks out of the circuit boards and come in at full voice for the final choruses. The melodies from “Rise n’ Shine” and “Am I Ever Gonna Change” are reprised as the epic piece finally comes to a close.
There is little debate that “Everything Under the Sun” is the grandest thing Extreme have attempted in the studio. It was a successful experiment, as it remains interesting and engaging through its entire 22 minute length. You cannot say that for every Rush song of that nature.
Unfortunately for Extreme, the timing was all wrong, and this album soon found its way in bargain bins at cut rate prices. The good news is that means you can get a copy yourself for next to nothing. Try also to track down copies of the “Stop the World” or “Tragic Comic” singles, in order to get the full package. They are plentiful on sites such as Discogs, and it’s important to hear the album at its full complete length. III Sides to Every Story is an unsung hard rock masterwork, and if you want some softer rock songs with lots of brains and a huge heart, give it a shot.
This is one of the weirdest CDs I have ever run across. Remember in 1990, when Elektra did that anniversary CD called Rubáiyát that featured Elektra’s new bands covering Elektra’s old bands? It was the first release of Metallica’s “Stone Cold Crazy” and the first time anyone heard a hint of what Metallica were up to in the studio after Justice. This promotional EP is a companion piece to Rubáiyát.
So what’s this EP? A “plunderphonic” is like a remix. The big difference is, they use only finished recordings, no multi-track master tapes. No going back to strip a vocal out of a song, no fiddling. Only actual snips of complete songs are used. A “new” piece is creating by chopping up and rearranging bits from other previously recorded pieces. Therefore, anybody can make their own plunderphonic using readily available songs. The man who invented the term, John Oswald, did the “plunderphonics” for this very rare promotional EP. His lightning-fast edits keeps things surprising.
The main attraction here, and the reason I own the CD, is a piece called “2 Net” by Metallica. I bet you never heard of that one, let alone heard the piece! It is a 1:21 mash-up of “Stone Cold Crazy” with a bunch of bits and bobs from …And Justice For All, and it’s as weird as that sounds. It’s a blur, almost incomprehensible. Fitting the thrash giants’ riffs into 1:21 will tend to have that effect. Building a composition out of Hetfield barks and Ulrich snares is fun as it sounds, even though it’s over before you can figure out what’s going on. Oswald mixed in some of Queen’s “Stone Cold Crazy” vocal for some melody. Crazy!
The most interesting track is the most unlikely: A cross between Carly Simon’s and Faster Pussycat’s “You’re So Vain”. The end result, “Vane” makes the two into one. If you have ever wanted to hear Taime Downe and Carly Simon perform the song together, this is your chance. It’s incredible how well the two versions contrast, since Faster Pussycat is about as different from Carly Simon as anyone can imagine. It zips from Taime to Carly and back again, as they trade words almost seamlessly! Another successful track is The Doors’ “O’Hell”. This is (obviously) based on “Hello, I Love You”. Bits of other Doors songs provide more instrumentation and effects. Fans of Morrison will absolutely adore it and imagine their own plunderphonics to invent. The MC5 arrive with “Mother”, based off the Kick Out the Jams album. It’s a lot of shouting and screaming and it’s all good. For something soft, check out “Anon” by Tim Buckley. This is taken from Buckley’s “Anonymous Proposition”, made shorter and psychedelic.
It is very hard to describe the complexity of these tracks. There could be hundreds of individual edits per song, because there is so much going on. The Simon/Pussycat song is a great example of how this is more than just a gimmick. It’s art, and anybody can try to do one themselves. In fact, without knowing the name for it, I have heard many plunderphonics before, at our annual Sausagefest countdown. Tom and Uncle Meat are skilled at making them, but I have never heard anything like these five tracks before — ever. These are above and beyond anything I’ve heard in the field.
The liner notes indicate that five more plunderphonics were planned for this CD, but not included. “Recipes” for making your own are inside. It’s almost like five bonus tracks, but you have to make them yourself!
Rating this CD is difficult, and since it was never meant to be sold, almost pointless. However you can find reasonably priced copies on Discogs, so a rating is necessary. This CD is interesting. It’s good, but it’s not meant for listening for pleasure. It almost acts like caffeine to the brain. Every song has so much going on that you are constantly listening and trying to catch it all. It’s also short, so buy wisely.
With a name like White Wolf you’d almost expect this band to come from the forests of Northern Ontario or Quebec. No so; they hail from provincial capital of Edmonton Alberta (pop: 800,000). So we’ll forgive that the music video for “Shadows in the Night” (from 1984’s Standing Alone) made them looks like outdoors winter survivalists. Long-haired sidekicks of Les Stroud? No; they look much more indoors-y on Endangered Species, their second album before disbanding. The album cover is notable for being a Hugh Syme work, though obviously a lesser one.
They earned some minor video play with “She”, indicating a more keyboardy direction than album #1. Mushy sounding drums distract from the killer Don Wolf (Don Wilk) chorus. Akin to Dokken’s “Breaking the Chains”, “She” will appeal to hard rockers who like melody with their guitars. It’s all about that chorus though, the kind that makes you hit “repeat” and go right back to the start.
White Wolf has a weird 80s metal thud and that combined with harsh production values make Endangered Species sound terribly dated. Techy keyboard flairs sound lifted from David Bryan’s Slippery When Wet sound library. Anyone craving mid-tempo 80s hard rock will find enjoyable music on Endangered Species, but few songs have the same impact as “She”. Dull verses, bland choruses and generic song titles keep things from sticking. Sub-Jovi with none of Jon’s then-irresistible innocence is a narrow niche.
“Just Like an Arrow” comes close, but the keyboards weigh it down when it should be flying. Too many bands (Quiet Riot, Stryper, etc.) really let the keys have too much space around this time. “Cryin to the Wind” has an excellent acoustic intro but not enough of a song to go with it. The drum samples are obtrusive because they don’t sound natural. It sounds like a lot of time was taken in the studio but the technology wasn’t up to the task, and everything came out tinny and powerless. “Holding Back” doesn’t have enough hooks. “Snake Charmer” steals a title and a hook from Ritchie Blackmore, and appeals as a Rainbow-like understudy. The only other track besides “She” and “Snake Charmer” that hits the spot is “One More Time”.
Not a terrible album, not a flaming turd…but not a winner either.
FAITH NO MORE – The Real Thing(originally 1989, 2015 Slash records deluxe edition)
Fans of discerning taste cried tears of joy when Faith No More, one of the most underappreciated bands of recent times, finally received the deluxe edition treatment. Faith No More may have paved the way for more popular acts like as Korn, System of a Down and Incubus, but they seemed forgotten by new young rock fans. These deluxe editions have put their classic albums back on the racks.
Though The Real Thing is the album that launched them onto MTV and contains their best known hit (“Epic”), it’s the only Faith No More album that sounds like this. Mike Patton affected a nasal tone to his singing that he dropped by the next album. (Producer Mike Wallace suggests that Patton sang this way on The Real Thing partially to separate Faith No More from Mr. Bungle, who he still had massive loyalties to.) It’s the most mainstream and most “metal” of their albums, with much of their other material being more abstract, artsy and bizarre. Though they loathed the term, you can hear how Faith No More were considered “funk metal” from 1989-92.
Opener “From Out of Nowhere” is a living embodiment of its own title. A keyboard and guitar riff, simple and catchy, pummel the speakers as Mike Patton makes his debut. Original singer Chuck Mosely was gone and Patton emerged, fresh from the aforementioned Mr. Bungle. Nobody had ever heard anything like Mike Patton before. His range and power were enviable, but he clearly liked taking the piss too. “From Out of Nowhere” was the first single and a brilliant choice for trying to sway the uninitiated.
Of course “Epic” was the big one. Its timely combination of rap and metal was on the cutting edge. The lyrics were nonsense* and Patton’s goofy personality shone through. It was close to the edge of novelty. Jim Martin’s power chords and harmony leads kept things from falling off. On the rhythm, Mike “Puffy” Bordin is one hard-hitting drummer, keeping things anchored solidly. You can really hear the funk on “Falling to Pieces”. It’s there in Billy Gould’s bass and Patton’s soulful (nasal) voice. This too was a single, following the smash hit of “Epic”.
Faith No More also crossed over to the thrash crowd with “Surprise! You’re Dead!”. An aggressive banger like this was custom made for Anthrax fans. Most importantly, Mike Patton got to show off some of what he is capable of. The guttural howls, painful shrieks, and insane laughs burrow into your ears. They are hooks themselves, though certainly not in the traditional sense! This is a contrast to “Zombie Eaters”, with quiet acoustic sections and intricate picking by Martin. “Zombie Eaters” does not stay that way, and soon transitions into a rumbling, earthquake riff. Roddy Bottum’s keyboards add tension, and Mike Patton piles anguish on top of that. An even more powerful song follows: “The Real Thing”, 8:01 of light/shade and dramatic performances.
Pop and funk collide on “Underwater Love”, the most accessible song on the album. It evolved live into something very different, as you will hear on disc two. Patton did it with more of his own style once they got it out on stage. “The Morning After” has a haunting vibe, moving into a heavier chorus. Jim Martin’s guitars are clearly in the metal domain, like the odd man out, but still essential.
The album begins to drift to a close with “Woodpecker From Mars”, the only instrumental. Roddy has his keyboard set to the “violin” tone, and is the lead melodic focus of this punishing track. Everything else is a blur of guitars, drums and bass. Their unique cover of “War Pigs” is next, though pretty straight-laced compared to the live version on disc 2. Finally “Edge of the World” closes the album with a slow piano waltz completely unlike anything else on the album.
The second disc has a wealth of treasure, though not all the B-sides and rarities out there. “Sweet Emotion” was released a few years back on The Very Best Definitive Ultimate Greatest Hits Collection, but its original source is a flexi-disc from Kerrang! magazine. It is not an Aerosmith cover; rather it is an early version of “The Perfect Crime” from the Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey soundtrack. Two more bonus tracks, “Cowboy Song” and “The Grade” (an instrumental) are also available on the album Live at the Brixton Academy. Both good songs; “The Grade” really shows off some very sweet Jim Martin steel guitar. “Cowboy Song” (nothing to do with Thin Lizzy) is good enough that it could have been a single: catchy, melodic and punchy.
Remixes of “Epic” and “Falling to Pieces” are taken from an old two-song CD single, although this remix of “Falling to Pieces” is longer by 11 seconds compared to the single. They add a bit more echo and other effects as well as some edits. An extended remix of “From Out of Nowhere” lengthens the song by a minute, by adding more instrumental sections. Five live songs round out the B-sides and rarities, including two that were chopped from the CD release of Brixton Academy. (Speaking of which, that’s a deluxe edition we’d like to see.) “As the Worm Turns” is one of these Brixton tracks, an old essential Chuck Mosely song given the Patton treatment. Patton’s gurgling during “War Pigs” is a career highlight! Live BBC recordings of “Epic” and “Woodpecker From Mars” are missing from this deluxe edition, but available on an old 7″ single (“From Out of Nowhere”).
The Real Thing is an essential album. Its deluxe edition was long overdue, and fortunately most of Faith No More’s catalogue has been similarly beefed up. It is not perfect, but few deluxes are. There will always be more to collect. This deluxe however will scratch quite a few tracks off your lists.
4.5/5 stars
*I recall writing “What is it? It’s it.” on my English final exam for no particular reason.
I know a big guy; let’s call him Herbert. Nice guy, big and strong, and usually with the temperament of a kitten.
One morning Herbert had a big gash on his face, but all bandaged up. He had clearly seen some kind of action and got medical attention.
“Holy crap Herbert! What happened to you?” I asked incredulously.
“I had a disagreement with a person,” he deflected.
A “disagreement” with a person? Could you get any more vague?
Eventually, the story got out of what really happened to Herbert’s face.
He was at a Giant Tiger store (a discount department store) and happened to see a young lady shopping that he felt was attractive. He may have made a comment or given a look that the young lady’s boyfriend (much smaller than Herbert) didn’t like. The little guy decided it was a good idea to get in Herbert’s face about it, and tried to lay him out with a punch.
The punch did nothing, and Herbert responded with a return blow that knocked the little guy down in one shot.
Next thing he knew, Herbert was lying on the ground with a bleeding head. The girlfriend nailed him right in the face with a can of corn! Knocked him right out. By the time he came to, the little dude and his girl had taken off. Herbert went and got himself stitched up, with only his ego damaged.
There was also a kid at the Record Store, Matt, who got caught rubbernecking. Three girls were walking out of the store, and he leaned over the counter to get a good look. The last of the three girls turned her head and caught him right in the act.
Lesson here: We do not condone rubbernecking! It’s rude and you’ll get hit in the head with a can of corn. Boys and girls, I know you won’t listen to me, you’re going to look no matter what I say. If you’re gonna steal a glance, at least do it stealthy. Take it from the expert agents down at the CIA on American Dad….
“RUBBERNECKING” (lyrics) From season 10, episode 17 – “Rubberneckers”
Dick: Rubbernecking is the art of checking out women on the sly.
Jackson: And if you do it right, you’ll never get caught!
McGee:Well, my name’s McGee and soon you’ll see,
If you want to rubberneck just listen to me,
‘Cause a peek don’t hurt,
If you want to scout skirt, you have to be covert,
Listen up, you squirt.
Jackson:Well, my name is Jackson, my techniques the purest,
When I want to scout girls I pretend I’m a tourist.
You look around like you’re super lost,
Hold up a map, now you’re peeking like a boss.
Stan: Yeah! I guess when I’m lost I do look everywhere!
Sanders:My name is Sanders and I don’t lie,
The best way to peek,
Say there’s something in your eye.
Stan: Wow, smooth!
Dick:Well, my name is “tiny” Dick and I have a little trick,
To look at a lady so she don’t think I’m shady.
I pretend that I’m dead and I lie on a gurney,
When the nurses come up, I do the “Weekend At Bernie’s”.
Jackson:Never forget women like to judge,
Go on, give that cattiness a nudge.
Dick:So tell your woman that you hate a girl,
And you can stare while all the hate unfurls.
Stan: Ugh, hey Francine, look at that terrible outfit.
Francine: Yeah, she looks like a hooker…hooker…hooker…hooker…
Sanders:When you want to take a look, hold up a book.
Jackson:A newspaper will do, to look at some boobs.
McGee:I think you’re ready to join the crew.
Everyone:Because you’re rubbernecking with the best,
Glenn Hughes has been consistently prolific since a mid-90s comeback. Lean, clean n’ mean, Glenn Hughes has reclaimed his title as The Voice of Rock. His latest solo album Resonate made numerous top albums of 2016 lists. The only reason he didn’t make ours is that we were holding out to get the Japanese version with the exclusive track. In Japan they call him “The God of Voice” and this CD easily demonstrates why.
It is pointless to break this CD down song by song. They are all incredible. They represent the kind of hard rock that Deep Purple made famous: riffs, heavy organ, and incredible lead vocals. In the Deep Purple days, it seemed Glenn’s soulful croon didn’t always fit in with heavy rock, which made them that more unique. Today, Glenn sounds at home. Resonate is consistently heavy, and impressive at every turn. There are no big star names in his band, but Glenn’s old buddy Chad Smith from Red Hot Chili Peppers has two guest shots: “Heavy” and “Long Time Gone”, the opener and closer on the standard tracklist. Smith is always a joy to listen to, and when he works with Glenn, it’s the heaviest Chad Smith gets. Glenn on bass and Chad on drums: it seldom gets better than that.
Everyone will pick their own favourites, but one that we can’t put down is “Landmines”. The funky electric boogie is one of the album highlights; a real hard rock dance number to get down to. On “Landmines”, Glenn’s current self meets his 70s persona. That should create a time travel paradox, but it doesn’t. All it fuels is one hell of a boogie woogie oogie. Runner up: “Steady”. But any of these songs can slide in and out of the top spot on a given day.
The Japanese bonus track is an acoustic version of the ballad “When I Fall”. In some respects it’s better than the album version, but it’s all just a matter of taste. The Zeppelin-like mellotron is delightful. The only bummer is that the Japanese version doesn’t have the song “Nothing’s the Same”. That’s OK; the domestic version of Resonate has that and a bonus DVD. It’s a killer acoustic cover of a lesser known Gary Moore song, and it is worth buying the album again for. It doesn’t matter which version you go for. Resonate kills.
2017 has taken another one of our local talents. If you are a fan of Kenny Vs. Spenny, then you will remember Andre Arruda (episode: “First One to Laugh Loses”). You may have seen him in American Pie: Band Camp. Andre was born and raised right here in Kitchener Ontario. He was better known for his stand-up comedy and he worked hard to gain a cult following. At 3’ 4” tall, he had to work to stand out, and he did.
Andre passed away January 28 2017 at age 33, of Morquio’s syndrome. This is the same genetic disorder that hampered his growth. His sense of humour was to always poke fun at himself before somebody else could, and it worked. He made us look at life from his perspective, but let us laugh doing it.
We don’t need no preamble! If you have ever wanted to know how to write the most unique music reviews that this planet has ever seen, then you need to read on as we pick the mind of the one, the only, Mr. 1537himself. He is one talented music writer that deserves all the praise you can heap.
M:It is a pleasure to speak with you, Mr. 1537. I understand that anonymity is important to you. It would matter to me too, if I had any sense. How would you like us to address you in this interview?
1537:A simple ‘sir’ would normally suffice, but in order to seem a bit more user-friendly ( I gather the masses tend to like that) you can call me 15 strictly for the duration of this interview.
Actually I sort of ballsed up the whole anonymous thang by using my name as the blog domain; oops, back to spy school for me! I don’t do any social media at all beyond WordPress and I am basically a needlessly secretive dude. I admire folk who can bare their souls in their blogs but that’s not me at all, I let bits and pieces of my life seep through the cracks sometimes but not very much.
M:As opposed to me, who built a cottage industry on the minutia of working in a record store. Now…Lego. You’ve managed to incorporate Lego in your articles’ artwork, in a simple yet innovative and endlessly entertaining way. How long have you been a fan of Lego, and is that longer than you’ve been into music?
15: Well, the Lego came first, my daughter got the Lego DJ figure and on a whim I thought it would look good on the circle of the Flying Lotus LP Cosmogramma, then Sleep Dopesmoker and then I started to look at the possibilities of making relevant figures for relevant LPs. I had a Blogspot thang where I’d managed three reviews years before, but I gradually realised that if you gave people something to look at they might stop by and read my Mighty Rock Words of Power (MRWoP) too.
It took me a while to hit my stride and then when people actually started reading it … wow, it really is the best feeling.
Oh, Lego. Yup, I’ve always loved it, way before I was conscious of music – although I grew up in a very music-oriented household. I used to make elaborate Star Wars games and fantasies up through Lego, way before they had brought out space Lego. You used to have to improvise weapons in those days too, because Lego didn’t believe in promoting weapons as toys for kids.
M:That’s right, you used to have to use the “bullhorns” as guns, until Lego started introducing actual guns in 2005. You seem to have a Minifigure appropriate for every single album review you do, no matter how bizarre or obscure. Presently how many figures do you think you own?
15: I have a couple hundred Minifigures, which is not all of them by a long way, I’m not obsessive about collecting them and there are plenty of gaps in my collection. I love it when they produce a new line and one strikes me as perfect for an LP I haven’t done yet.
A lot of the fun is improvising and putting combos of different figures together. I’ve also drawn on a couple duplicates I have to make an Alice Cooper, a Scott Ian and a Ziggy Stardust; oh and I have also added cleavage to a figure or two along the way; that’s normal behaviour for a 44 year-old isn’t it?
M:I’m not one to judge. What drives your review? Do you start with the text or the visuals?
15: Always the text. I think wordaciously, not visually. I’m a slow writer because I edit it all as I go along, most reviews take me at least 3 hours, with another 40 minutes or so on top for the pictures. If you add in the demands of family life, a really demanding job, a little socialising and even, hey, listening to music sometimes, it all adds up to why I don’t produce as many as I’d like to. There are never any ‘in the can’, I tend to write them, hit publish and go straight to bed, as it’s usually 1am by then. I like waking up to everyone’s comments.
Q:Do you use any fancy-pancy camera or lighting equipment? The images are always very crisp and vibrant, much better than I’ve been getting with my BlackBerry in my home office.
15: Absolutely not. Everything I do is done on my iPhone (the model before the last one – 6 is it?), I’m not particularly good at it, I just take a lot of photos. Shiny, shiny covers are the bane of my life.
What I am pretty good at now, by trial and error, is editing the pictures, I use a Windows App called Fhotoroom and another called KVADPhoto. I have never ever published a picture I haven’t edited for contrast, colour, or cropped and altered etc. Some of my favourites have been very boring photos before I have messed them around.
M: I crop everything, but I wouldn’t know what to do as far as contrast or colour, so kudos to you sir. A two-part question next: What are your favourite reviews that you’ve done, both in terms of writing and in terms of photos?
15: In terms of the writing I rather like this comparison between Andrew Marvell, English metaphysical poet and a Rhino Bucket song about oral sex – it’s even got my voice on it:
I’m also rather fond of doing interviews, that’s been a whole lot of fun when the right person has been on the other side who is willing to engage properly with the silliness of it all. It’s also a nice way to get to chat to bands when you go see them live too. Spencer from MFC Chicken was my first and favourite:
M:Ahh yes, The Shining was a personal favourite of mine too. I find I often have to listen to an album while I write, and it can’t be the first listen either. I need a fresh listen in order to capture all my thoughts and pass them on to the weary readers. Your reviews are very different from mine, and frankly far beyond what I’m capable of writing. Do you use the “listen as you write” technique or something else?
15: I try to give it a good listen the night before, or on my way to/from work (an hour-long commute doesn’t have to be all bad) and I listen to bits of it as I write, or if I’m happy I know it enough – I might be writing about something I’ve been listening to in heavy rotation for 28 years (Christ, I’m old!), I have an ambient playlist I listen to when I write sometimes.
M:What else do you need to be able to write? I need to be in my underwear with a cold beverage. No bevvies and no skivvies means no review. I suspect you prefer warm slippers and oatmeal.
15: I need quiet, which is ironic given that most of my favourite music involves bellowing and shrieking. I write at a desktop (hate lap-tops) in the room that also has our biggest TV in and so there can be a certain amount of negotiation involved – it’s often why I write so late into the morning, it’s the only time I can.
Other than that my needs are simple, I prefer non-restrictive trouser ware and that’s it. You really write in your undies?
M:Hey, who’s conducting the interview here? I ask the questions! Is there any one band you really really hope reads your stuff?
15: Nah, although there is a fair chance of some artists tuning in because a lot of the LPs I bought in the late 80’s seem to have only sold one copy, to me – I always try to be pleasant because, you just should be. If I can’t write anything too complimentary I always add in my caveat along the lines of ‘These guys made a far better record than I ever have I’m just a loser boy sat behind a keyboard’.
Larry Miller from Uncle Sam stopping by was wonderful (I own an LP he signed and bit for me back in ’91) and we’re still in touch – I even helped get their debut LP re-released, that was a real buzz.
M: Do you have any particular influences in terms of writing? I’ve made no secret that in my early years, I was definitely trying to be Martin Popoff, Jr. Your style is unlike anyone I’ve read, but surely that didn’t happen in a vacuum?
15: I had to really think about this one. In terms of the character I write in, the tone of it, a lot of it comes from Stan Lee in those 1960’s Marvel comics – they knocked me for 6 when I first read my parent’s copies as a kid, the jokey references to himself and his fellow writers and artists in ‘the bullpen’; it was very playful and irreverent, that stuck with me.
You could maybe chuck in a bit of Harry Harrison and Douglas Adams, they were and are still, the only humorous writers I truly like and I do try to amuse.
Other than that there were all those fabulous late 80’s Kerrang! journalists, who were informative and, again, playful in the way they wrote – lots of irreverence and in-jokes, they painted their own little world and made it seem like the coolest place in the world to work. I met Phil Wilding at a gig once and was more excited about that than the band (Dangerous Toys).
Oh and I hope there’s enough self-deprecation in there to show I do write in character and I’m not really a megalomaniac with an omnipotence delusion.
M: Sure, sure. I knew that. Anyway, do you ever worry you will run out of things to say about music? Or do you see “1537” as a long-term project?
15: No, mostly because of the format I’ve set up for myself, my blog runs on rails to an extent – jokey title (usually), review of record(s), review count at the end, Lego images. I have enough of the little vinyl buggers that I don’t have to write about the same artist too often, which would fox me – the closest I ever came to a series, like you, Geoff and Aaron do so well, was spending a month writing about artists beginning with a ‘B’ – I found that really tough.
Anyway I’ve got 809 more records to review. Not sure where I’ll take it after that, because the whole point of the blog, apart from being an extended diary for myself, was to make sure I took time out to listen to everything I own properly – I have a horror of having stuff I haven’t heard, it makes me feel gluttonous and despicable.
M: Thanks for taking the time to do this interview. The agent who set this up didn’t want me to ask this last question. But the interview is going well enough so I think I’m going to ask it. You’re a Lego man — this is clear. Meanwhile I’m into things that turn into little robots. With all due respect, I think we both know that robots > bricks, but that is neither here nor there. If you could transform into something, what would it be, and why?
I know the only reason you feel safe enough to ask me that is that I am currently orbiting earth at a crucial velocity on my space station, so I shall overlook your mortal impertinence this once. I always wanted to be a farmer when I was little and was totally obsessed with tractors, it was all I ever drew apart from digital watches (they were new then). So the obvious answer is a digital watch which transforms into a big kick-ass Ford County 1164 tractor (I always loved their colour scheme).
TRACTOR-TRON 1537 Lego/Transformers crossover set coming soon
Thanks again to 1537 for the chat. We’ll leave you with a suitable music video…”Rockin’ is Ma Business”…and business is good!
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