Johnny Metal earned a new nickname tonight: Johnny Homework! His meticulous research and notes provided a solid backbone of knowledge on which we arranged an awesome discussion. The topic: the now-classic Christopher Guest mockumentary A Mighty Wind!
Together with Uncle Meat and Dan from Off the Charts, we tried to cover every aspect that we love about this movie. We went deep on the following topics:
The cast
Our favourite bands
Our favourite songs
Favourite scenes
Fred Willard
The Kiss at the End of the Rainbow
The ending
Additionally, we looked at CDs, vinyl, and a very nice songbook from Johnny Homework. Gotta get that physical product in.
GRAB A STACK OF ROCK With Mike and the Mad Metal Man Episode 73: A Mighty Wind Appreciation, with Dan Chartrand, Uncle Meat & Johnny Metal
In 2003, Christopher Guest unveiled his third improv comedy movie, following Waiting For Guffman (1996) and Best In Show (2000). While each film has its focus (a small town play; a dog show), it was 2003’s A Mighty Wind that “tapped” into the spirit of music that made Guest a fan favourite in the first place. This time it’s folk music!
The Folksmen are a fictional folk band that actually opened for Guest’s “other” band, Spinal Tap. Ironically, all three members are the same: Guest, Michael McKean, and Harry Shearer. Together with Mitch & Mickey (Eugene Levy and Catherine O’Hara) and the New Main Street Singers (Jane Lynch, John Michael Higgins, Parker Posey, Paul Dooley et. al.), the bands have reunited for a big folk show in New York City. As he often does, Fred Willard stole the show in this film.
This hilarious comedy boasts an incredible soundtrack of originals and one cover (“Start Me Up”), and tonight I’ll be joined again by Dan Chartrand and Uncle Meat to discuss it. With them will be John “Johnny Metal” Clauser, who has wanted to do this topic with us for some time now.
You might not be as family with A Mighty Wind as you were with This Is Spinal Tap, but you won’t regret spending an hour with us tonight. It may not be heavy metal, but good music is good music, and this soundtrack is loaded with great songs. Join us tonight!
Friday October 4 at 8:00 P.M. E.S.T. / 9:00 P.M. Atlantic. Enjoy onYouTube or on Facebook!
VAN HALEN – A Different Kind of Truth (2012 Universal CD/DVD set)
When this album was released in 2012, we all wanted Van Halen to win. Eddie had been through some tough times, but he finally did what the fans demanded: get back together with David Lee Roth, and record a new album. Sure, we all lamented that Michael Anthony was gone, but it was new bassist Wolfgang Van Halen that made it happen. Without Wolf, there would be no final Van Halen album. Just VHIII, and we know how most of you feel about that.
Working with new producer John Shanks in neutral territory, Van Halen managed to crank out a new album in just three years, starting with jams in 2009.
Wolf knew that Van Halen had to get back to a “classic” sound for their first new album with DLR since 1984. In addition to new music, Wolf dug back into Van Halen’s archive of unreleased material, and picked seven songs that rework and re-write. Roth called it a “collaboration with the past”, which is a good way of putting it. No, it does not sound exactly like old Van Halen; that would be impossible. It does, however sound like Van Halen with Roth.
Opener “Tattoo” was the first single and weakest track. It’s also the only one with audible keyboards (by Dave), though just for texture. Roth said the multi-layered chorus was inspired by artists such as Rhianna, but that chorus is actually the annoying part of the song. Eddie’s fills and Dave’s verses are fine and entertaining, as is Wolfie’s fuzzy bass. The chorus is the weak link, perhaps even worse than the lyrics: lines such as “tramp stamp tat” and “mousewife to momshell”. I like tattoos as much as the next guy, but I’ll never use the word “momshell” except when discussing this album.
The real banger is the second single, “She’s the Woman”, a pretty close approximation of the original Van Halen song (pre-debut album). Wolfie’s playing is monstrous, with a catchy circular bassline that proved the kid had the talent to be in this band. His dad must have loved jamming with him. Ed’s solo really brings us back to classic Van Halen, while Alex’s drums have that sound that we all missed. I hate to say it, but this rendition is probably superior to the original lineup’s version.
“You And Your Blues” has that choppy Eddie guitar we love, and those “ahh, ahh” backing vocals that scream Van Halen, even without Mike. Dave’s lower voice works well on the verses, though he is stretched out on the high notes in the chorus. A great Van Halen album-quality song. (If you’re fortunate enough to have a CD/DVD combo set, you’ll be treated to a cool acoustic version of “You And Your Blues” with loads of storytelling from Roth.)
“China Town” has some of the best shredding on album. From Wolfie’s crazy capo bass to the lightning fast tempo, all four members of Van Halen are on fire. If any song can be said to take the classic sound and launch it into orbit, it’s “China Town”, and Wolf is the star. The bass is not overly high in the mix, but when you listen to it and isolate it in your head, you realize that this guy has brought a new side to Van Halen: bass shred. Additionally, it’s a great song in every way.
Going back to 1984 and an instrumental section called “Ripley”, “Blood and Fire” was reworked in 2000 for an aborted reunion with Roth. Interestingly “Blood and Fire” actually sounds more like Hagar era Van Halen. It does contain one of Dave’s favourite concert phrases: “Well look at the all of the people here tonight!” If this track had been on 5150, it would have fit like a glove, though it would have been one of the more rocking tunes. Edward himself is the star on this one, as he rips, shreds, and tears as if it really was 1984 again.
“Bullethead” sounds new, and also goes back to the 2000 sessions. Van Halen speed and Dave “charasma” are held together by the rhythm section of Al and Wolf. It contains the lyric “Got a different kind of truth”, from which the album takes its title. Ed’s effect-laden solo is no less cool, though nobody will list “Bullethead” in their top 20 Van Halen songs. A cool album track it is, but that’s all.
One of the coolest tunes would have to be “As Is”. Opening with some Alex drum intensity, it breaks into a slow heavy riff, before finally accelerating into a powerhouse Van Halen smokeshow. That running riff sounds so classic, you could swear they injected Ed with youth serum. He sounds like a man reborn, both in terms of shred but also in fun. Ed gets to play with many different sounds and tempos on “As Is”, while Dave also gets to enjoy himself with singing and that spoken word stuff he does so well. Most of this is done very fast.
This sounds like a natural side break. “Honeybabysweetiedoll” (another 2000 track) comes across like a side two opener. Ed is experimenting with new sounds, like he used to, and you’ve never heard Ed sound or play like this before. He goes for a middle-eastern vibe, but with the kind of intensity that other bands do not have the mettle to muster. Dave’s lyrics about soccer moms don’t quite hit the spot where the music is concerned, but nobody’s listening to this song for the lyrics. It’s the guitar that makes the biggest impact here. You can imagine the Ed diehard fans just pounding their fists in celebration when they heard what Ed was up to, before they tried to figure out how he got that sound.
“The Trouble With Never” might be the only track that doesn’t seem like it goes anywhere. You also miss Michael Anthony the most on backing vocals here. It’s just a song. Not a great one, not a bad one…but with one hell of a cool bassline.
“Outta Space” originated in the mid-70’s as “Let’s Get Rockin'”. The riff is classic even though it never made an album before. Dave sings in his highest voice, which is actually cool after a lot of lower pitched songs. As you’d expect for a song originally called “Let’s Get Rockin'”, it smokes from start to finish, top speed and loaded with cool Eddie licks. It’s fun to hear the rhythm guitar drop out during his solo, just as it used to in 1978. Ed wasn’t fond of that sound, but it certainly evokes an era and a vibe. It’s like a warm sweater. Maybe Ed would appreciate that sometimes the absence of a guitar can also speak.
Dave plays acoustic guitar on the fun “Stay Frosty”, an old song that certainly recalls “Ice Cream Man” in every way. There’s one lyric that Dave liked to point out: “If you wanna be a monk, you gotta cook a lot of rice.” Hey, it’s not untrue. Let me put it this way: If you imagined a sequel to “Ice Cream Man”, it’s “Stay Frosty”. Not quite as good, but hits all the same beats that you want to hear.
“Big River” sounds like an older song. It has a cool curly guitar opening, before laying into this awesome guitar/bass groove. More a groove than a riff. Dave’s lyrics and singing are top notch on this song. Classic Van Halen. The surprise is that halfway through the song, for the solo section, it transforms into a completely different groove. This section has some of Eddie’s best playing too. It reverts back to the original riff for the last third of the song. All the while Wolfie is playing the most incredible bass fills, but never stepping on his dad’s toes. Think about that for a second. In the mix, you have the greatest guitar player in the world playing over this awesome riff, but the bass player still manages to throw a whole bunch of cool fills in there, without getting in the way. That’s a band, and that’s family, and that’s talent. If this song had been on an album like Fair Warning, people would still remember it today.
The closing song “Beat’s Workin'” starts with a cascade of Alex Van Halen drums, gone gonzo. It then breaks into a fun riff and a good time album-ender. A song called “Beats Workin'” should sound like a celebration. I get a bit of a Max Webster vibe, though heavier, along with a hint of Aerosmith. Once again the rhythm guitar drops out when Eddie goes solo, but then Wolf gets a moment in the spotlight too. His fuzz bass tone is very much unlike Michael Anthony’s. There’s a moment here when he and Alex are just playing while Ed does his thing, and it feels beautiful, especially now, knowing the family will never be reunited. But let’s not get too somber. It’s a party, after all.
The bonus DVD also includes acoustic versions of “Panama” and “Beautiful Girls”. They are alright. Valuable to have in your collection. You might not go back to listen to them very often. Another reason to own this physically is the lyric sheet, with cool sketches for each song. This is a Dave touch.
Final thoughts:
The album cover, though a cool picture of a train, just doesn’t feel like classic Van Halen. Then again, what does? They’ve had so many different kinds of covers.
The production on this album slams.
Though Eddie is the star, and we’re all listening to every note he plays, it doesn’t sound like an EVH solo album like VHIII did. It sounds like a real band album.
John Shanks and David Lee Roth did the best they could with what remains of Dave’s voice, and did a fine job of it by doing more of that speak-sing thing.
The flow on this album is excellent. There is hardly any filler, and every song works in its given slot, especially the closing trio of “Stay Frosty”, “Big River” and “Beats Workin'”.
Welcome boys and ghouls to Holen’s Halloween Extravaganza 2024! Throughout the month of October, yours truly will be supplying you with reviews of hellish horror every week. We begin with not one film, but five! I’ve decided to review Alice Cooper’s top 5 horror films according to an interview in NME.
In order to avoid a mammoth length approximating the intimidating size of the LeSausage*, I’ll keep each of these as concise as my loquacious heart will allow. The films are as such in the order that Cooper lists them.
5.SALEM’S LOT (1979)
A TV miniseries based on a Stephen King book as directed by Texas Chainsaw Massacre’s own Tobe Hooper? Sign me up. Featuring some of the greatest and most disturbing vampire makeup ever put to film, the parts that focus on him are the strongest moments of the film. That said, there’s too much fat in the runtime that focuses on the mostly uninteresting townspeople. It could have maintained the slow burn anticipation of revealing the vampire while cutting the three hour run time down to a standard ninety minute feature. Still, the vampire scenes rule.
3.5/5
4.SUSPIRIA (1977)
An iridescent Italian horror classic from Dario Argento. It’s a visually stunning piece with a masterful grip on tension. An American dancer travels to Germany to join a prestigious dance studio, only to learn it’s a front for a coven of witches. Ah, poop. Like several horror movies, it lacks narrative cohesion and momentum, but the visuals, mystery, and creatively graphic kills keep you interested in the ride.
4/5
3.THE HAUNTING (1963)
Black and white psychological terror. One of the all time great haunted house movies. The cinematography is immaculate, light and shadow coalesce with a classic story to foster a genuinely chilling atmosphere. The story isn’t particularly unique, with a scientist visiting a haunted house with several volunteers to prove the existence of ghosts, only to bite off more than they can chew. It’s just executed about as well as you could do so.
4/5
2.THE EVIL DEAD (1981)
Sam Raimi’s feature directorial debut, and Bruce Campbell’s big screen debut. It’s a feature length remake of a 1978 Raimi short film called Within the Woods which served as a demonstration to obtain funds for the full version here. Joel Coen was the assistant editor on The Evil Dead, and was inspired by this approach, opting to shoot a trailer for Blood Simple to secure funding for that film. No Evil Dead, maybe no Fargo, Big Lebowski, or No Country for Old Men either. How about that?
As for the film at hand, it’s a classic cabin in the woods story with gore aplenty and a kinetic campy style. Raimi’s visual style is antithetical to boredom when he’s directing anything except Kevin Costner’s worst baseball movie. The Evil Dead is good clean American fun, but would ultimately be improved upon in every way by the absolutely bonkers sequel Evil Dead II.
4.5/5
1.CARNIVAL OF SOULS (1962)
Perhaps the most overlooked movie on the list, it’s a haunting paranormal thriller with a somewhat predictable twist, but that’s not the point. A black and white haunting miracle of unease and gothic dissidence. The main character even plays a church organ! It excels in the quiet moments, as it builds to its tragically horrific but inevitable conclusion. Shoutout to director Herk Harvey, who also directed the greatest work safety film ever, Shake Hands With Danger.
5/5
Nice picks, Alice! His list meets the Holen seal of approval. Tune in next week kids for something completely different…
* That’s just a rumour. One I started myself. Flattery will get you everywhere, Holen! – Mike
I have held off telling this tale long enough! There are many reasons why I haven’t told this story until now, but here are the two main ones:
I didn’t want to upset my grandmother.
I don’t know anything about witchcraft at all, therefore I don’t want to seem like I’m making fun of someone’s religion.
However, I also think it’s amusing to say the sentence, “I dated a witch once”. So here we go.
I explained in Record Store Tales #904: 2000 Dates, I did a lot of online dating in the year 2000. Every time, it seemed the girl had something unique about her. For example:
One girl was the cousin of Haywire singer Paul MacAusland, and suffered from I osteogenesis imperfecta, the same disease that affected Mr. Glass in the Unbreakable trilogy. We went out once, and she wasn’t into me.
One was legally blind! She got into that movie The Cell with Jennifer Lopez and Vincent D’onofrio for free. She was starting a new life in a new town and I don’t think I was her best prospect. I stopped hearing from her, until one day she accidentally emailed me. I think we went out twice total. She had awesome black dreads.
This story is about none of those women.
Cynthia was from Toronto. She shared her surname with a prominent Star Trek character. She was into Sloan and A Perfect Circle. She took horrible care of her CDs. We wanted to listen to music, and I suggested 4 Nights at the Palais Royale by Sloan, but the discs were all mixed up in her collection. I knew it wasn’t going to work out.
We had one day together. I drove up to Toronto, got lost, and had a huge panic attack on my way there. No GPS, but I did have a cell phone. That was actually the end right there. It had nothing to do with her. It was the drive. I knew I’d never do that drive again.
Besides listening to music, I watched Cynthia work. She was an online psychic. I’m a sceptic, but the kind that would like to be convinced. She got on her computer, opened a word file, and began responding to emails. She scrolled through her word file, found a paragraph she liked, and hit “copy”. “This one will work,” she said. She had all her “psychic” readings pre-written; she just selected one that applied to the question. “I do real ones sometimes,” she justified to me. Sometimes. Not that night though.
We went for a walk, we talked, and Cynthia tried to explain her religion to me. She was a “weather witch”, she told me. She practiced Wicca. Wicca and witchcraft, she explained, were not interchangeable terms, but she was both. I was pretty clear that I was comfortable where I was spiritually, but hey, cool. I very much had a “you do you” attitude when it came to religion. We were both raised Catholic, so we had that in common. She had two roommates, also Wiccan. They had a picture up in their main entrance of their horned god, which was interesting, but they didn’t laugh when I commented that their god appeared “horny”. Come on, cut the new guy some slack!
I made it home on Highway 401 in one piece. I knew I’d never be going back. It was a matter of telling her. She did not take it well.
Cynthia had made for me a little magic pouch to protect me on the highway. When I told her I could not do that drive again, she was quite upset. “I’ll take the bus to you!” she offered. There were tears…I felt awful. I had described her as a “stage 5 clinger” before, which is unkind but not untrue. It was the first time I had experienced something like this. I went from indifferent dates, to this!
I went out the night of that phone call with some friends to a round of mini-golf. It helped me get my mind off things. I shared that I was slightly afraid she’d cast a spell on me. You always say “Oh but magic and witches aren’t real,” but I thought, “Cynthia didn’t think so.” What’s real? And what the hell did I know at age 28? We laughed a lot during that round of mini-golf, but then my friend Will prank called my car phone pretending to be an angry friend of Cynthia’s. That took some calming down after. Later, I was teased at a staff party by my co-workers about the kinds of spells she would put on me for dumping her. You can see why I haven’t told this story before.
Sometimes I wonder what happened to all these people I went out with during that period of time. Married, with adult kids now? Do they even remember me? I’m the one writing all this; maybe I’m the clinger after all.
“AOR” equals “Album Oriented Rock”, a radio format established in the 1960s that essentially means “classic rock” by today’s standards. Therefore, this Aerosmith single would be a remix aimed specifically at those kinds of radio stations. Frequently and historically, many of these remixes are barely different at all from the album version. Additionally, “F.I.N.E.” from 1989’s Pump album was not really considered a single. It wasn’t available to buy commercially, and it wasn’t made into a music video. It was a radio single only. At 4:08, this track is not edited.
“F.I.N.E.”, which was track 2 on the album, is considered one of Aerosmith finer rock moments from the Geffen years. It was always focused on a biting heavy Aero groove, a melodic Tyler vocal, and that irresistible chorus of “It’s aaaaaaaalright!” This remix is hardly different at all. If anything, the bass might be coming through more clearly.
If you have a look at the waveform file below, you can see there isn’t much difference, though some are visible. The AOR mix is at top, the original 1989 CD file at bottom.
I don’t feel there’s any point in rating a promo CD single like on a scale of 5, because what’s the point? This CD is valuable as a collectible to fans and hoarders alike. It has an exclusive remix, and whether you can hear a difference isn’t the point to a collector. Sometimes obscure AOR mixes get reissued on greatest hits or box sets, but to date, this one has not.
“Joe Perry says I’m aaaaallright!”
Thanks again to Ash from Australia for sending me this CD which I shall file with my Pump collection!
THIS IS SPINAL TAP – The Official Companion(2000, Bloomsbury, London)
You have the soundtrack. You have the DVD (maybe even the Criterion edition). You have the breakfast cereal. What else do you need? The Official Companion book, that’s what!
We begin with a “Prepilogue” by Michael McKean, who plays David St. Hubbins, offering some background on how Spinal Tap came to be, in the real world. From a 1979 TV appearance, to a 1982 demo film (not a script, like most movies, but a demo film!) to the 1984 finished masterpiece, McKean sums up the history and his gratitude from the start.
Next up is one of the funniest and most essential chapters. “Tap’istory” is a fictional timeline of Spinal Tap, from Derek Smalls’ birth in 1941, to a 2000 appearance with Mick Fleetwood on drums, and a remixed and remastered version of the film. This section is fascinating as it has release years for all of Spinal Tap’s fictional albums, including Brainhammer, Nerve Damage, and Blood to Let.
I found this book in the screenplay section of the book store, but Spinal Tap didn’t have a screenplay like most movies do. Instead of a screenplay, the bulk of the book is made up of a cool transcription of the film. This is done to extreme accuracy, to the point of transcribing Nigel’s final line, “wh-wh-what are the hours?” exactly as you read it here. If you ever wanted to quote This Is Spinal Tap as a hobby, this is how you do it to perfection. At the conclusion of the film transcription are several deleted scenes, such as David St. Hubbins meeting up with his now-punk rocker son.
Then we get to the lyrics, for basically every Tap song, including obscurities like the then-unreleased “Celtic Blues”, and stuff I’ve never heard like “Just Spell My Name”. Following this is an incredibly detailed glossary of everything Tap related you can imagine, including Rob Reiner, Steve Lukather, lukewarm water, and Walter Becker (who scribed the liner notes to Break Like The Wind, also included here).
For those Spinal Tap fans unable to read, the book also includes some full colour photo pages, with behind the scenes shots and rare promotional photos.
For any seasoned fan of Spinal Tap, this is an obvious augmentation to your collection. Tap into your local bookstore today and ask for a copy.
A huge thank you to Marco D’Auria of the Contrarians, Dan Chartrand of Off the Charts, and the near-legendary Uncle Meat for comprising our expert panel tonight. The subject was Spinal Tap, the band and the music. It may be fair to call Dan a “superfan”, as he had some Spinal Tap rarities that I don’t. Dan provided some cool physical product, including CDs and LPs of This is Spinal Tap, Break Like the Wind, and he even unfolded his Back From the Dead CD packaging to show us what it looks like when it’s a little paper stage set.
Taking a cue from another big Spinal Tap fan, Peter Kerr, I stole a tactic from Rock Daydream Nation and did some discussion questions in rounds. Here’s what we tackled:
Were you ever in the blissful unawareness that Spinal Tap was a fake band? Or were you always in on the joke?
Evaluate the musicianship of Tap.
Pick a favourite song from the soundtrack.
Pick a favourite song from Break Like the Wind.
And a quick discussion of Back from the Dead.
Along the way we discussed the history of Tap, both real and fictional. We had a look at the DVD for the Return of Spinal Tap, and had a chat on that subject. I peppered the panel with trivia throughout the night. We had an insightful discussion about talent, and the three actors who played the central characters: Michael McKean, Christopher Guest, and Harry Shearer. We speculated on director Rob Reiner’s role in the songwriting, and technical aspects of the writing and playing. Did Harry Shearer play fretless bass on “Break Like the Wind”? I don’t know, but we do know he can play upright bass thanks to his role in A Mighty Wind. In short, the music and movie were given as much appraisal and analysis as we could do in an hour.
Meanwhile in the comments, Pete Jones provided quote after quote after quote, from a variety of Tap interviews and performances. Thank you Peter! And thank you to everyone who watched and joined in.
I started the show with a quick unboxing, from Australia’s Ash Geisler, who has been a huge supporter of the show. Thanks again Ash for watching, and for sending me this awesome package. I guarantee some of them will be getting a review.
One topic I didn’t get to mention on the show, but did come up among the viewers: Spinal Tap II is coming to theaters in 2025. How do you feel about this? Let us know in the comments. I for one don’t think it’s necessary or a good idea. The cameo-laden cast seems gimmicky, but Rob Reiner is back is the director’s chair.
Thanks for watching, and if you didn’t, the link is below. This is one I’ll be watching over again.
NEXT WEEK: A Mighty Wind with Dan Chartrand, John Clauser & Uncle Meat!
GRAB A STACK OF ROCK With Mike and the Mad Metal Man Episode 72: 40 Years of Spinal Tap: The Music with Marco D’Auria, Dan Chartrand and Uncle Meat
Tonight we’re gonna rock ya, tonight!
Formed as the Thamesmen in 1964, Nigel Tufnel and David St. Hubbins scored a hit with the single “Gimmie Some Money” / “Cups and Cakes”. The band soon employed bassist Derek Smalls. After a name change to Spinal Tap, the band wandered through progressive rock, jazz fusion, funk, reggae, hard rock, and heavy metal. In 1984 they became a household name with the release of the documentary film by Marty DiBergi, called This Is Spinal Tap. It is hard to believe it has been 40 years since that film brought Tap to the silver screen.
Tonight, Contrarians Marco D’Auria and new face Dan Chartrand will join Uncle Meat and I, as we Tap into the history of this great band’s music.
From rock and roll (“Gimme Some Money”) to hippie flower power (“Listen to What the Flower People Say”, “Rainy Day Sun”) to heavy metal (“Stonehenge”), few bands have struggled to find a direction like Spinal Tap has. Now with DiBergi back on board, the band are primed to release a new documentary film on their more recent exploits. Our panel tonight will try to avoid talking about the drama (puppet shows, air force bases, girlfriends) and focus on the music. And what music it is! Nigel Tufnel is one of the most critically acclaimed guitar players in the world, not just for volume but also for pioneering the art of double his guitar solos with voice. David St. Hubbins is such a legendary lead singer, that Ronnie James Dio wouldn’t allow him to sing lead on Hear N’ Aid’s “Stars” for fear of breaking the board. And Derek Smalls? His solo album Smalls Change proves he’s not a one-trick moustached pony.
Join us tonight, and Tap into the music of Spinal Tap.
Friday September 27 at 7:00 P.M. E.S.T. / 8:00 P.M. Atlantic. Enjoy onYouTube or on Facebook!
RECORD STORE TALES #1157: The Lone Classic Hard Rocker
For almost my entire tenure at the Beat Goes On, I was pretty much the only “classic hard rocker”. By that I mean, the guy who not only liked Rush, Iron Maiden and Black Sabbath, but also Poison, Dokken, Motley Crue, Kiss, and the Scorpions. I started in 1994, and hard rock was definitely the black sheep of the musical family back then. The entire genre had received a hard thrashing from the new generation of bands, who had cleaned the slate and wiped the charts of the old guard. For a little while, anyway. When I began in 1994, hard rock was all but banned from store play. That’s obviously a broad statement, as I distinctly recall giving a store play copy of Tesla’s Bust A Nut a shot while working with the boss. He didn’t like it, but there was no way I was going to play Poison in the store with him around.
“Nobody’s buying that stuff,” he would say, and he wasn’t wrong.
When Trevor started later that year, he too liked a lot of hard rock bands, but he probably more into the current crop of groups. Brother Cane, and this new snotnosed group out of the UK called Oasis. He discovered all that Britpop stuff on a trip to England, and he was quick to adapt to electronic and dance beats too. While he enjoyed some Poison and Motley Crue, I don’t think he would have played them in store. I don’t think he would have called himself a hard rocker.
When I was bestowed my own store to manage in 1996, my staff gave me a nickname: Cheeser.
The reason being, I listened to “cheesey” music, such as hard rock. They wouldn’t give me credit for the jazz albums, or the Faith No More collection. They only looked at the Dokken and the Brighton Rock. I should have said, “Don’t call me Cheeser. I’m your boss.” Not that I was opposed to nicknames. Many employees had nicknames of their own, but that one really bugged me. It was unfair and it was uncool. It was one-dimensional. I remained the only classic hard rocker at the store. Oh sure, one guy liked the Black Crowes. Another guy had a soft spot for classic 70s Kiss. They were not hard rockers in that classic “cheeser” sense.
I look back on those days, and I was very different then. I was not assertive. I was eager to fit in. So, I let them call me Cheeser.
I felt like a second-class citizen due to my musical tastes. The boss seemed to think playing a Poison in the album would lose us sales. He wanted a family-friendly atmosphere, and I tended to be the rebel when he wasn’t around. I was told to remove AC/DC from the CD player once. An band that has sold about 200 million copies worldwide, incidentally, but with God as my witness, my boss hit the “stop” button one morning and took it off himself.
This is why I had low sales, I was assured. You wanted people to linger and shop. People would leave the store if the music was too heavy. I only saw it happen a couple times, but no more than I saw it happen with other genres of music such as rap and dance. It was rare you’d have a walk-out due to the music, but I will argue that hard rock did not get this reception any more than other genres. I do remember one guy giving me credit for playing Poison’s Native Tongue one afternoon.
“I’ve never heard this before in a music store!” he said, with his compliments.
I would get the occasional surprised reaction when people would ask what the cool music I played was. Motley Crue? Poison? No way! That doesn’t sound like Poison.
Our store was very generic “music store circa late 90s early 2000s” when you walked in. There would be music playing from the current charts, lots of indi bands with cool haircuts, and the requisite Motown, soul, and 60s albums. Exactly the music you expected to hear, and I suppose that was the point. If my manager reviews were poor, one of the gripes was the music I chose to play. I broke the rules, and they made note of it. I became quite despondent. I would pick five CDs in the morning, that I picked for the soul purpose of not getting in shit that day, and I hit shuffle. I’d leave them in all day. Or, I would just leave in whatever the previous shift had playing. I literally stopped caring, because those above me had sucked me dry. I had no soul left. My heart was empty. It was time to go.
By the end, my only motivation was survival. There was no enjoyment. There was no challenge. There was nothing to look forward to, except a day off. I was dead inside. I couldn’t care about music anymore. The music I played in the store towards the end…I can’t remember the bands. I seem to remember names like Death Cab For Cutie, Death From Above 1979, and Metric, but I cannot tell you if those were bands we played in the store, or bands that the staff liked. Eventually, some of their musical tastes wore off on me. I did buy a Killers CD, and I did buy one Bright Eyes. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em, but I have not played either in over 15 years.
I know some of my old co-workers and staffers were surprised to hear all these revelations from me. What can I say? I was fakin’ it. I was fighting, quite frankly, to stay alive at that place. You can take that to mean whatever you like. In those days, I was not aware of the importance of mental health. The store was run with a real old school “pick yourself up by the bootstraps” methodology. I remember one day, my boss handed me a business card with the name of a counselling service on it. I didn’t ask for this, and I considered it a huge invasion of my privacy. I also considered it an invasion of my privacy when he called my parents behind my back at their home. Yet, when I wanted him to listen to me, the only person who could possible change my fate, he didn’t listen. He waited to talk. He lectured. The bullying situation at the store had reached unacceptable levels, and he was so biased towards certain people, that I had no hope. None at all.
I went from being the lone classic hard rocker, to completely alone. It was a very dark time in my life. I am sorry if my old friends do not understand why I had such anger for the people in charge. I know I am not the only person to feel alone, but what happened, happened. It was an emotional time and I wrote about it emotionally. It was a necessary expulsion of bad feelings and poison.
But not Poison. Today there’s nobody calling me Cheeser. They might shrug and wonder why I need so much Poison, but the difference is respect.
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