limp daddy

Part 88: The Only Time I Called the Cops

October.Β  These two shady, shady guys came in looking for the new β€œLimp Daddy” (Limp Bizkit). Β After buying β€œLimp Daddy” they told me they had a van full of stereo equipment, good prices, did I want to buy anything? Β No thanks!Β  I’d seen guys like this around before, selling stolen speakers and car decks.

They came back later in the day to buy more stuff, in total they dropped about $200 in a day. Β They were just buying whatever crap was on the charts that they had heard. Β They were buying discs like they didn’t care.Β  Good for sales, yes, but I had this vibe that they would be back.

Sure enough a couple weeks later they were back to return the discs they bought.Β  They had been opened and played.

β€œI used my boss’ money to buy these, and he doesn’t want them, so I need my money back.”

Now, this wasn’t the most unique reason I’d heard for returning discs, I’ve heard much more original reasons over the years.Β  (β€œI got five of these for my birthday so I need to return all of them”, β€œI found this”, β€œI’m not allowed to have this”)Β Β  Β But I guess this guy’s boss was pissed about him spending the money on discs. Β Maybe he should have thought of that before he spent his boss’ money.

And knowing that this guy sold stolen car stereo equipment for a living, I’d hate to meet his boss.

I explained our return policy and told him that once he’s opened the wrapper and kept it for two weeks there was nothing I could do for him besides buy it back used, at a greatly reduced cost.

β€œCan’t you just re-seal it and sell it again?” he asked.

β€œNo, because it’s not new anymore. Β It’s used.”

β€œWell then what are all those sealed discs I see behind you there?” he persisted.

β€œThose are brand new, I can’t just seal up a disc and sell it for $16 man!”

β€œOh man, my boss is going to kill me. Β You have to do something for me,” he moaned.

β€œI wish I could, but really after this much time…I mean my boss would kill me too.”

β€œYou have to give me the money back. Β I’m not leaving until I get it,” he threatened. Β I never did too well with threats at work.Β  I don’t like people getting my back up against the wall. Β It doesn’t work with me.Β  Threatening me was the one way to make sure I don’t give you what you wanted.Β  Any chance of him getting even a dime out of me just ended.

β€œWell, I guess if you want to stay, we’re open β€˜til 9. Β You’re going to have to move though. Β I have other customers that need to pay.”

He really, really didn’t like that. Β His buddy stood silent behind him laughing as he continued to make a nuisance of himself.

β€œYeah?Β  You want me to move? Β I’m not moving.Β  I’m standing right here until you give me my money.”

β€œWell, you’re going to have to move when people want to pay, just telling you right now. Β This is a business not a hangout,” I said.

β€œYeah?Β  This is a business eh? Β Do you like it when I push these buttons? Β Or how about this, do you like when I play with your computer?”  He reached over the counter and started hammering keys on my keyboard, and buttons on our VISA machine. Β The VISA machine beeped in protest as he continued to hit buttons, and windows began popping up on my computer screen.

β€œIf you don’t leave right now, I’m going to have to call the cops.”

β€œYeah?Β  You’d like that wouldn’t you? Β Go ahead and call them. Β Go ahead.”  He grabbed my phone.Β  β€œCall them. Β Go ahead.”

β€œI just did,” I said as I hit the panic button.

Well next thing you know, him and his buddy were out the door without another word. Β They bailed and they bailed fast.Β  The cops called to confirm the emergency and I told them that the two trouble makers had left. Β They told me to call back if I had trouble with them again. Β (I’m sure they would have been interested in the stereo equipment in their van!)

Of course after a confrontation like that, you worry about the person returning. Β My buddy Shane Schedler, who is about 7 feet tall and 250 lbs, came in later that night and I told him how my day had gone. Β I told him about the two dudes in the van and how I had to call the cops on them.

β€œDo you want me to stay until you close? Β I don’t mind you know,” Shane said. Β It was getting close to closing time anyway.

β€œYeah!Β  That would be fine, I appreciate that man. Β They wouldn’t mess with a guy your size.”

Shane laughed.Β  I’m sure he knew that.

A week later I did see the guys again, in the parking lot. Β Incredibly, they apologized for their behaviour. Β That part was a first!