keepsmealive

The Adventures of Tee Bone Man – Chapter Four: Tee Bone Man And The Rink Of… Doom? (By Aaron KMA)

CHAPTER FOUR:  TEE BONE MAN AND THE RINK OF… DOOM?

by Aaron

Tee Bone Man was exhausted. Going to hell will do that to a guy. Our masked hero was collapsed on a chaise lounge of rock in the basement of Deke’s Palace, drinking fine scotch with the ever-amazing hero Superdekes, his trusty partner in (repeatedly) saving the world.

Superdekes was saying something wise and interesting about Eddie Van Halen’s tapping technique on the guitar, and Tee Bone Man was trying desperately to pay attention, but he was falling asleep. Being Canadian, he naturally felt bad about being rude, but unconsciousness was very quickly gripping him despite his best intentions. What was going on? And then….

Where was he? This wasn’t Deke’s Palace. Superdekes wasn’t there. This didn’t even look like Earth… It was a vast, darkened room with a high ceiling, an echo that was only exacerbated by the cement floor. As Tee Bone Man’s eyes adjusted to the darkness of his surroundings, though, he saw a score clock, hanging from the ceiling of the room. He saw white boards with yellow dashers and thick glass around the top, with ads on them… he was standing at the hash marks of a hockey rink. In summer, clearly, because the floor was cement rather than ice.

Even though he knew he was dreaming, in that weird dream logic he also knew that this experience was completely real and his heightened super senses put his guard up immediately. His exhaustion vanished as his eyes darted around and his ears strained to pick up any noise of danger in the empty space.

Suddenly the score clock lit up, and loud music began blaring through the rink. The message on the board read Welcome To Your Doom, Tee Bone Man!, and the timer on the clock started counting down from ten minutes. Moving to the center ice circle, Tee Bone Man walked around the clock from underneath, but saw nothing of danger, no bomb, no guns, no evil henchmen. Not even a single demon to be found.  Then he heard laughter echoing around the massive space, and saw a light come on in the announcer booth above the stands at center ice. A silhouetted figure stood there, arms wide, laughing.

The music stopped and a gravelly voice came over the PA, still laughing, saying “Welcome to your demise, Tee Bone Man. You have been brought here to be decimated once and for all. There is no escape. Your time is running out, now less than nine minutes. Your end will do the world a favour!”

Facing the dark figure, Tee Bone Man struck the most awesome super hero pose ever, and said loudly “Who are you? Why are you doing this? Stop this madness at once!” The voice boomed overhead, “You know who I am, you love to hate me. I am a hero myself, but the heel of every situation. I am a friend, but also always the enemy. It is time for me to be the hero, and to do that I must end you to make way. Good bye, Tee Bone Man.” And with that the light in the announcer booth went dark, leaving Tee Bone Man alone at center ice with an inexorably ticking clock overhead.

His eyes having fully adjusted to the dark, Tee Bone Man made a quick survey of his surroundings. Nothing impeded him from free movement on the floor of the rink, so he headed towards the zamboni gate but found it locked. Quickly crossing the floor to the far side again, he headed to the team benches, hopped the boards, then climbed the shorter glass into the bleachers. Taking the stairs three at a time, he made his way up into the concourse. All the concessions were closed. Damn. A pretzel at the end of everything would’ve been nice, would’ve helped him think.

Running around the concourse to the announcer booth, Tee Bone Man was able to see the clock ticking down, now under eight minutes. As he ran, he thought about this situation. He knew it was a dream but it felt so real. Who was the figure in the announcer booth? What would he find when he got there? Rounding the last corner of the walkway, the announcer booth came into view. Tee Bone Man slowed up and started a cautious approach. No one was visible. He ducked down a few rows into the stands and approached the booth from underneath. Less than seven minutes now as he crouched and watched for any sign of movement, any booby traps or henchmen. There was nothing.

It seemed he was alone in the building. Had the figure already left? And if so, why did bad guys do this? Why construct some elaborate death trap and then leave a full ten minutes for the good guy to figure it out. And why leave, so there’s no way of confirming you’d been successful? He supposed that this was why the bad guys were always caught: they weren’t necessarily always the brightest.

Seeing no movement, he crept forward as the clock ticked past six minutes. Soon he was directly underneath the announcer booth. He carefully climbed the steps and, constantly checking his surroundings for booby traps and attack, he approached the booth. The door was locked. But now he heard a faint struggling sound behind the door. Looking around, he saw the handle of an old Sherwood hockey stick, solid wood and missing its blade, leaning against the wall. Grabbing it, with now five minutes left on the clock, he smashed the door knob with one mighty, well-aimed swing of the stick, surely a five minute major penalty so hefty was that swing. The door swung open slowly, revealing the gloomy interior of the booth.  The struggling sound got louder.

Rushing into the room, expecting a fight with the mysterious figure, Tee Bone found only a different figure, tied up, lying on the floor. Flicking on the light switch, he saw Superdekes bound and gagged, lying at his feet. Quickly undoing the bindings, our two heroes got caught up. “Thanks, Tee Bone, that was a close one.” Quickly scanning his pal for injury, Tee Bone Man asked him “What happened? Who tied you up? Why are you here? Does this feel like a dream to you too?” Rubbing his wrists to return circulation after being bound, Superdekes said “I don’t know who is doing this. I was drinking scotch and then woke up here, tied, in this dark room. I’m very glad you found me. As for being a dream, yeah, it all feels unreal somehow.” Tee Bone Man recapped his own story so far, and then the two heroes talked about next moves. There was now three and a half minutes left on the clock. They left the booth to search for clues.

With two better able to cover ground than one, they pair quickly searched the main areas of the concourse and found nothing of danger. With less than two minutes on the clock, they found themselves near the exit to the rear parking lot. Behind them was the door to the dressing rooms. “C’mon, Superdekes, we need to check here as well.” Our intrepid heroes, well aware that time was running out, crept through the door and down the hall to the team dressing room. Slowly pushing open the dressing room door, they found the light on but no one in view. Relaxing slightly, Superdekes was just turning to Tee Bone Man to say this was a dead end when wham-o, he was crosschecked from behind! Tee Bone Man swung around to face the assailant and saw a short, strong man in a black hood standing over Superdekes!

“Tee Bone Man, you found me! Your time is almost up!” Looking at a watch on his wrist the figure laughed and said “Less than a minute now!” Moving faster than he’d ever moved, Tee Bone Man sprang forward, swinging the Sherwood stick handle he’d never set down, catching the villain flatfooted with a mighty blow to the chest, sending him to the floor. Superdekes was getting up, stretching out his sore back and looking for revenge as Tee Bone Man stood over the figure. Kneeling on their assailant’s chest, Tee Bone Man snatched the black hood off the figure’s head to reveal… Brad Marchand! The evil Bruins forward, notorious rat, shit disturber and face licker, now holding up his hands in self-defense, crying now that it was all a joke and he’d meant no harm. Grabbing Marchand’s wrist, Tee Bone Man saw on the watch that the time had elapsed to zero but there’d been no explosion, no consequence at all.

Grabbing Marchand by the front of his collar and yanking hard, Tee Bone Man hauled Marchand up and, with fire in his eyes that was a look that could kill if there ever was one, shouted “What happened here? The clock’s run out, what happened? Speak, you fiend!” Marchand looked pained and fearful, repeating “Nothing! Nothing! It’s never anything! I was just trying to have some fun…” Quickly binding Marchand’s hands, our dynamic duo turned around to see police officers filling the hallway and bursting into the room. The day was saved. Marchand was taken away to serve his time, and our heroes were free to go home to try to make sense of it all.

 


Tee Bone Man started awake on the chaise lounge in Deke’s Palace. There was an empty bottle of scotch on the table, and Superdekes was just coming around as well. “Man, I had the weirdest dream, just now,” said Tee Bone Man. “You were in it, and we were in the Owen Sound rink, and…” Superdekes nodded and said “I know, I was there. I remember it all too.” They looked at each other a moment. “But that was a dream, so how…” Superdekes shook his head. “I dunno, brother, but I’m nursing a pretty good headache at the moment, and the one thing that helps with that is the good ol’ hockey game, the best game you can name…” And with that he snapped on the TV and there were the Toronto Maple Leafs facing off against the Boston Bruins! And the announcer was just saying, as they tuned in, “…and the Bruins will be without their star forward Brad Marchand tonight, out with a concussion sustained in the Bruins last game against the Rangers…”

Tee Bone Man and Superdekes started laughing, and settled in to watch the game. Tee Bone Man cracked a new bottle of scotch and Superdekes passed Tee Bone Man a pretzel.

SURPRISE! A Tribute to Aaron from the Community! Featuring new video by Tee Bone!

The secret is out!  This show was a month in planning.  We have been wanting to do a tribute to AARON from the KMA for some time now, due to his passion for Community.  And tonight we finally did it, surprising him with a blindside like no other!

For the last month, Tee Bone has been secretly toiling away on his new magnum opus, like a Mr. Holland gone mad, with late nights and early mornings.

Now we can reveal the truth:  the Community that Aaron nurtured has repaid him in song.  The new track “Community” features our contributions and our tributes to the man.  The very first duet with Tee Bone and Meat together, and the first vocal contributions from LeBrain and Geoff Stephen in a Tee Bone song!  And we got to spring the surprise on him live!  His reactions are on video for you to see yourself.

We had a full house tonight with Harrison, Kevin, Sarah, Geoff, Meat, Deke, John Snow and Tee Bone all in the house with James and Aaron!  A first!

Key points:

  • Interview with Aaron and James begins at 15:30.
  • The surprise is sprung at 46:30, followed by the debut of the “Community” music video.

If you were able to watch live, thank you for helping making Aaron’s party something truly special!

 


You will be able to buy “Community” on Bandcamp next week.  Wahoo!!

The KeepsMeAlive Saturday Special episode of the LeBrain Train!

The LeBrain Train: 2000 Words or More with Mike Ladano

Episode 97 – The KMA Saturday Special

DO NOT miss this.  Join Harrison and I for a special Saturday evening show!  We replace the usual Friday night chat with special guests…

AARON AND JAMES FROM THE KMA!

If you are reading this, then you are a part of the community!  The Keeps Me Alive guys were here first, rocking us since 2006 with their passion for music.  James is the “concerts guy” where reviews are concerned, and this is his very first time going live with us.  Harrison will be grilling James on just why he wanted me to eat a worm and a stick for $7.  Meanwhile, I’ll be asking about beginnings.  Why did these two guys decide to start writing about music anyway?  And what’s the secret to their longevity?

This show has been a long time coming!  I have wanted to spotlight the KMA for a year and a half now.  Tonight will be a good time, I promise you.

 

Saturday February 5, 7:00 PM E.S.T. on YouTubeFacebook and also Facebook!


 

The James Kalyn Eat a Worm and a Stick for $7.00 Challenge

On June 11 2020, James Kalyn offered me $7.00 to eat one worm and one stick.  Today he paid up.

Double Feature LeBrain Train Weekend – Dave Lizmi and Tim’s Vinyl Confessions

Two shows lined up for you this weekend!

 

The LeBrain Train: 2000 Words or More with Mike and T-Rev

Friday – Episode 66 – Dave Lizmi

The Four Horsemen should need no introduction.  The only guy to play on all three albums (plus an EP) is guitarist Dave Lizmi.  He is a master of the Les Paul and his tone is sublime.  Trev and I look forward to asking him everything we wanted to know about one of our favourite bands.

Friday May 28, 7:00 PM E.S.T. on Facebook:  MikeLeBrain and YouTube:  Mike LeBrain.


 

The LeBrain Train: 2000 Words or More with Mike Ladano

Saturday – Episode 67 – Nigel Tufnel Top Ten Cover Art Designers – with Aaron and Tim Durling

Please welcome Tim from Tim’s Vinyl Confessions and The Contrarians!  I’m so glad to have him on the show.  His collection is insane — give him a follow on Instagram and see for yourself.  The list this week is a Nigel Tufnel Top Ten Cover Art Designers.  This was a challenging list, but Tim knows his stuff and I’m sure he will have a killer set of albums to show off.  Joining us for this one will be Aaron who also has a pretty impressive collection.  This is a Saturday show, so we hope that you’ll join us!

The Saturday shows are a summer experience in order to include more people.  I hope you can make it.  As always, it’s best to participate live!

Saturday May 29, 3:00 PM E.S.T. on Facebook:  MikeLeBrain and YouTube:  Mike LeBrain.

All The Bands You Never Heard Of…epic 3 hour LeBrain Train

Awesome show this week! The 42nd LeBrain Train was another three hour long epic.  The theme was “Best Bands You Probably Never Heard Of”.  We never settled on a proper wording for it, or a proper system for keeping score.  The goal was to introduce you to plenty of artists we think you’d think.  And we hope you do!  For the first time ever, there was no crossover with the six lists!

Lists by:

Added bonus:  At the mid-way point (1:30:00 exactly) a very-caffeinated-me decided to go on an F-bomb laden rant about people who post The Mandalorian spoilers openly on social media without warnings.  Please enjoy my rant!

The final score:

  • Mike:  11 points
  • Sarah:  14 points
  • Harrison:  17 points
  • Rob:  19 points
  • John:  23 points
  • Aaron:  88 points

Huge thanks to everyone for hanging out so long!  Thanks for watching and see you next week.

New Release Live Stream with 2loud2oldmusic, Mr. Books & Buried on Mars

A great show was had thanks to John / 2 loud 2 old music, Aaron/ Mr. Books, and Kevin / Buried on Mars!  You want to know about all the key rock releases in your future?  Then this is the show for you.

We looked at the upcoming AC/DC album Power Up in some detail.  We analysed the upcoming Iron Maiden live album Night of the Dead.  Thin Lizzy, Tom Petty, Mr. Bungle, and lots more.  John, thank you for putting so much time and effort into your research for this show.  And thanks to everyone for co-hosting with me. To check out the new releases, start at 0:19:00 of the video.

I did an unboxing from CD Japan at the top of the show.  Go to 0:04:30 of the stream to see what I got!  All Japanese imports, all with bonus tracks.

At the end of the show we were joined by Saige from Weeping Willow Creations, who designed the new LeBrain Train artwork!  I wanted to give her a chance to promote her work.  You can click that link to get to her Instagram.  I think she did a fantastic job and I’m really happy with the new graphics.  Saige joined us at 2:17:15.

 

Epic All-Canadian Live Stream featuring Mr. Books and Agent Dekes

History was made Friday night!

For the first time ever, Deke and I have shared the screen with Mr. Books himself, Aaron from the KMA.  The subject this week:  Top 11 Canadian albums of all time.  An absolutely epic discussion unfolded with so many different genres being touched upon.  As remarkable as the lists were (five in total), it’s also quite astounding when we talked about all the albums we left out!

Lists submitted by:

  • Deke
  • Mr. Books
  • LeBrain
  • Darr
  • Dr. Kathryn Ladano

With Deke coming in from Lake Superior, Aaron from Georgian Bay, and myself on the shore of Lake Huron, we had three massive bodies of water covered.  What should we call ourselves?  The Great Lakes Consortium?

For a look at the shape of streams to come, check out the end of the video.  We brought in Uncle Meat, Rob Daniels from Visions in Sound, and Kevin/Buried On Mars.  While six at a time is a lot, it sure was fun to see everybody together for the first time!

I can’t help but take a little bit of pride in all this.  My very first live stream was March 20, the week lockdown began. Eager to make connections with others in isolation, I hit that “live” button on my Facebook app just to see what would happen. It ended up being a lot of fun and it so happened that others liked it too. A few weeks later, we figured out how to get Uncle Meat to co-host and he came up with the now infamous “Nigel Tufnel Top Ten” format.

But there were limitations, because we had to use a Facebook phone app if I wanted to have a co-host.  This reduced the scope of awesome people available to share the screen with me.  Finally Kevin directed me to Streamyard which solved numerous problems.  After months of trying to figure out how to stream to Facebook (where my audience is) without having to use Facebook, Streamyard worked.  For the first time after many months of trying, Aaron has finally co-hosted a show.  A milestone!  So yeah, I’m proud of myself and proud of the awesome friends who have co-hosted along the way.  We made something here that is catching on with people.  I owe Meat a huge debt for being the first co-host and coming up with the Nigel Tufnel Top Ten concept.

Look at the first stream below, and look where we are now.  We’ve come a long way.

VIDEO: Mike and Aaron Do Taranna 2018

MUSIC CREDITS: “Shit” parts 1 – 5 written and performed by AARON

VIDEO: Mike and Aaron Go to Toronto…Again!

MIKE AND AARON GO TO TORONTO…AGAIN!

It’s finally done!  Enjoy this video souvenir from our (Mike and Aaron) 2014 Record Store Excursion in Toronto .


 

Of the albums I bought in Toronto, one stood out as an immediate killer.  Just an awesome disc, that I’ll be reviewing tomorrow.  See if you can guess which one blew me away.

For the videos from 2012 and 2013, click here!