Pretty Maids

REVIEW: Pretty Maids – Red, Hot and Heavy (1984)

Thank you to Thor Blackmore for this CD!

PRETTY MAIDS – Red, Hot and Heavy (1984 Sony)

I ignored Pretty Maids when I first heard of the band.  “Pretty Maids?  What kind of name is that?”  Shallow kid stuff, but impactful, because now in 2024 this is my first real listen to Pretty Maids with intent.  Red, Hot and Heavy was the debut album for the Danish hard rock band, after a self-titled EP in ’83.  The six-piece band had some moderate success with the album, so let’s have a listen.

Opener “Fortuna Imperatrix Mundi” is actually an excerpt from Carl Orf’s “Carmina Burana”, and is credited as such on the back.  It’s just a few seconds.  The real opener is “Back to Black”, a scorching metal number with tempo and riffs sharpened and at the ready.  The raspy vocals of Ronnie Atkins differentiate the song from the works of other metal groups such as Iron Maiden and Judas Priest.  The keyboards give a highbrow neo-classical vibe.  It’s heavier and fuller than Dio, but with all the drama and guitar solo shenanigans.

The title track is slower and nastier.  A rallying cry for metal heads, “Red, Hot and Heavy” doesn’t pretend at being anything more than it is.  A slow metal banger, perfect for fist-pounding and shouting along with at the concert hall.  The shout chorus is custom made for the stage.  The duel guitar solo is pretty cool.  A stock metal chugger, but there is a need for a drum-bashing, stompy riff-rocking concoction such as this.

The highbrow keyboards return on “Waitin’ for the Time”, a very European sounding song which builds from a ballady opening to an upbeat pounder.  Sounds a bit like the Swedish band Europe during their Wings of Tomorrow era, with a hint of Def Leppard in the riff.  It’s an excellent song with light and shade, and a complete musical journey without exceeding five minutes.

“Cold Killer” begins with news broadcast dialogue, and then goes in a fast and ominous music unlike the other songs.  The rather clunky lyrics are about the weaponization of space, a hot topic in 1984 with Reagan’s “Star Wars” program in the nightly news.  But…clunky.  “There should have been a paradise, instead there’s a killer out in space.”  We’ll give them credit for trying at least, which is more than could be said for many bands of the 80s.  Musically it’s a terrifically fun ride through sweet guitar riff and solo action.  The keyboards add a progressive vibe, though some might say pretentious.

The anti-war theme flips over onto side two, with “Battle of Pride”.  Again, it’s not poetry, but the lyrical theme was very popular in metal at the time.  Musically it’s a fast Dio-like rocker with the keyboard accents giving it a different flavour.  Ronnie Atkins’ rasp continues to separate Pretty Maids from other bands, but by the time we hit side two, the ear is craving more variety in the voice.

“Night Danger” is a pure blitzkrieg, now more in the wheelhouse of a band like Accept.  These guys are not slouches when it comes to riffs over 80 mph in speed.  The irony is that, even at that speed, the song doesn’t really go anywhere.  It’s speed for its own sake, and that’s actually fine, because it’s plenty fun and doesn’t need to be anything else.

Acoustics join the electric guitars on “A Place in the Night”, one of the most impressive songs on the album.  Mid-tempo melodic rock, and dialing down on the vocal growls, is exactly what the album needed at this point.  The chorus explodes with passion and power at the right moment.  The keyboards add to the mixture by thickening up the melodic accents.  Brilliant deep cut late in the album.

“Queen of Dreams” has an Yngwie vibe again, though Malmsteen wouldn’t put as much emphasis on the other instruments.  The keyboards add a regal synth-trumpet sound over the guitars, but when the drums kick in, there’s no nonsense.  It’s that kind of metal that is obviously influenced by Deep Purple and Blackmore’s Rainbow, but amped up for the 80s.

The surprise is the closer:  a cover of Thin Lizzy’s single “Little Darling”.  Formerly a horn-laden rock classic, Pretty Maids heavy it up a bit and increase the tempo.  Though “Little Darling” will always be a personal favourite, I don’t think Pretty Maids did it any favours.  Their backing vocals are too shrill for the chorus, and without the horns, it loses that something special.  A swing and a miss for Pretty Maids, which is terribly unfortunate.

Red, Hot and Heavy is a strong debut.  Obviously the band grew and expanded their sound, and still continue today.  This is the foundation.

3.5/5 stars

#1001.5: 50 (Or, Thank You!!)

RECORD STORE TALES #1001.5: 50 (part two)

Thanks to everyone for your kind comments about my 50th birthday gone awry.  Jen is feeling better, though besides a fat lip, she now sports a nice black eye.  Could have been worse.

I’m still Covid negative so I’ll take that as a win.  The cold that I do have is not so bad, and though I am back at work, I have not been able to do a full day yet.  But that will improve.

After Jen felt better from her fall, we opened some gifts.  She got me some cool Marvel and Star Wars figures, but the music is the best part.

First up was the new Black Crowes EP, 1972.  This six-song covers EP is getting rave reviews and I cannot wait to hear the Rod Stewart cover “You Wear It Well”.  This EP is in anticipation of new material from the reformed band.  There’s even a photo of the new lineup (including returning bassist Sven Pipien) which is a packaging touch I always appreciate.  I have been skeptical of the Crowes’ current reunion, but putting out new music with this lineup alleviates most of that.  Dig it!

And then we have the massive Black Sabbath Technical Ecstasy box set!  This is one of my favourite Oz Sabbath albums.  Actually one of my first, after Paranoid.  The box includes the full album, the album remixed, some outtakes and a live show from 1977.   The live show looks especially cool, with “Gypsy”, “Dirty Women” and “All Moving Parts” in the setlist.  “Electric Funeral” is even included.  The bizarre cover art has always struck me as Asimovian.  Think The Gods Themselves.

Thank you Jen.  What a day for you.  You sure know how to buy gifts though.

Then I unboxed the massive parcel sent to me by Thor in Denmark.  It was heavy.  I didn’t know what to expect.  It was obviously packed full.  Even so, nothing broke in transit!  Everything arrived in great condition, but there was so much stuff inside, we need to do a complete inventory.

First, there’s Anthem:  Ultimate Best Of Nexus Years Japanese import with obi strip intact.  Thor actually wrote an excellent review of this album with all the details.  Bassist Naoto Shibata played on one of my favourite Loudness albums, so this is a total enhancement for my collection.  It’s a double disc with a different singer on each disc, from two eras of the band.  He rated it 4.95/5!

Then we have Red, Hot and Heavy by Pretty Maids, a band he considers the most underrated in metal.  I don’t know this one, but it’s from 1984 so I think I’m going to like it.

Finally we have a self-titled album by Dizzy Mizz Lizzy, who I had to look up.  This is a 1994 debut album by a critically acclaimed Danish band.  Says a review on the Wikipedia page, “It all heavily oozes Led Zeppelin and Seattle.”  Sounds good to me.

It may take a while for me to get to Dizzy Mizz Lizzy, considering Thor also sent me the motherlode of a band I first heard in the 80s, D-A-D, originally known as Disneyland After Dark.  They too hail from Denmark, and I have praised their 1989 American debut, No Fuel Left for the Pilgrims, with a 4.5/5 star review.

Well, Thor went overboard.  And by that, I mean Overmuch!  Look at all this D-A-D glory!  Thanks to him, I must now be the proud owner of the best D-A-D collection in Canada.  Let’s go through everything one by one.

No Fuel Left For the Pilgrims (1989).  This is the super rare original version of the CD, with the original name, before the change to D-A-D.  Not only is the cover different, but so is the mix on four tracks:  “Sleeping My Day Away”, “Point of View”, “Rim of Hell” and “Girl Nation”.  On the international CD that I have, these four tracks were remixed by Chris Lord-Alge.  You can hear the slight difference, mostly in terms of levels in the mix.

Good Clean Family Entertainment You Can Trust (1995).  A single disc compilation with live and studio cuts, and loads of single artwork inside.

Psychopatico (1998).  Double live.  Their first live release besides a 1990 live Japanese EP.  17 tracks total.

The Early Years (2000).  Double compilation!  Includes their first two studio albums, plus their debut EP called Standin’ On the Never Ever, and 17 rare or previously unreleased bonus tracks.

Scare Yourself Alive (2006).  Another double live!  Two gigs from 2005 included.  Minimal overlap between the two discs.

DIC·NII·LAN·DAFT·ERD·ARK (2011).  Studio album.  Check out that Super Audio CD case!  Looks like I have all their studio albums now, as you shall see.

A Prayer For the Loud (2019).  Their most recent studio album.

And, best of all…

The Overmuch Box:  Twenty Five Years of D-A-D (2009)!  This includes all their studio albums up to 2008, completing my collection!  The albums are:

  • Standin’ On the Never Ever (1985 EP)
  • Call Of the Wild (1986)
  • D-A-D Draws a Circle (1987)
  • No Fuel Left for the Pilgrims (1989 US version)
  • Riskin’ It All (1991)
  • Helpyourselfish (1995)
  • Simpatico (1997)
  • Everything Glows (2000)
  • Soft Dogs (2002)
  • Scare Yourself (2005)
  • Monster Philosophy (2008)
  • Bonus album:  Behind the Seen (Rare, unreleased & B-sides 1984-2009)

There’s still a bit of D-A-D out there to acquire, such as that Japanese EP, but surely not much.  To be honest I never expected to get any more D-A-D beyond the Riskin’ It All album (which is supposedly lethal).  But…holy shit people!  That’s enough D-A-D to take years to digest.

Thor’s generosity cannot be understated! This is awesome stuff.  You never see their music around in Canada, and I simply assumed I’d never have them.  I love the price tags from a store called Moby Disc – great name!  To have this much D-A-D, including the early stuff I only read about, and both versions of No Fuel, I’m just blown away.  Truly overmuch! This is a band that has been special to me for a long time, because I can remember sitting in Bob Schipper’s basement when that music video came on.  He went nuts for it.  Just loved it.  Just like I loved that big guy!  Nothing but great times.

Thank you Jen, thank you Thor, and everyone who wished me a happy birthday.