thor

#1001.5: 50 (Or, Thank You!!)

RECORD STORE TALES #1001.5: 50 (part two)

Thanks to everyone for your kind comments about my 50th birthday gone awry.  Jen is feeling better, though besides a fat lip, she now sports a nice black eye.  Could have been worse.

I’m still Covid negative so I’ll take that as a win.  The cold that I do have is not so bad, and though I am back at work, I have not been able to do a full day yet.  But that will improve.

After Jen felt better from her fall, we opened some gifts.  She got me some cool Marvel and Star Wars figures, but the music is the best part.

First up was the new Black Crowes EP, 1972.  This six-song covers EP is getting rave reviews and I cannot wait to hear the Rod Stewart cover “You Wear It Well”.  This EP is in anticipation of new material from the reformed band.  There’s even a photo of the new lineup (including returning bassist Sven Pipien) which is a packaging touch I always appreciate.  I have been skeptical of the Crowes’ current reunion, but putting out new music with this lineup alleviates most of that.  Dig it!

And then we have the massive Black Sabbath Technical Ecstasy box set!  This is one of my favourite Oz Sabbath albums.  Actually one of my first, after Paranoid.  The box includes the full album, the album remixed, some outtakes and a live show from 1977.   The live show looks especially cool, with “Gypsy”, “Dirty Women” and “All Moving Parts” in the setlist.  “Electric Funeral” is even included.  The bizarre cover art has always struck me as Asimovian.  Think The Gods Themselves.

Thank you Jen.  What a day for you.  You sure know how to buy gifts though.

Then I unboxed the massive parcel sent to me by Thor in Denmark.  It was heavy.  I didn’t know what to expect.  It was obviously packed full.  Even so, nothing broke in transit!  Everything arrived in great condition, but there was so much stuff inside, we need to do a complete inventory.

First, there’s Anthem:  Ultimate Best Of Nexus Years Japanese import with obi strip intact.  Thor actually wrote an excellent review of this album with all the details.  Bassist Naoto Shibata played on one of my favourite Loudness albums, so this is a total enhancement for my collection.  It’s a double disc with a different singer on each disc, from two eras of the band.  He rated it 4.95/5!

Then we have Red, Hot and Heavy by Pretty Maids, a band he considers the most underrated in metal.  I don’t know this one, but it’s from 1984 so I think I’m going to like it.

Finally we have a self-titled album by Dizzy Mizz Lizzy, who I had to look up.  This is a 1994 debut album by a critically acclaimed Danish band.  Says a review on the Wikipedia page, “It all heavily oozes Led Zeppelin and Seattle.”  Sounds good to me.

It may take a while for me to get to Dizzy Mizz Lizzy, considering Thor also sent me the motherlode of a band I first heard in the 80s, D-A-D, originally known as Disneyland After Dark.  They too hail from Denmark, and I have praised their 1989 American debut, No Fuel Left for the Pilgrims, with a 4.5/5 star review.

Well, Thor went overboard.  And by that, I mean Overmuch!  Look at all this D-A-D glory!  Thanks to him, I must now be the proud owner of the best D-A-D collection in Canada.  Let’s go through everything one by one.

No Fuel Left For the Pilgrims (1989).  This is the super rare original version of the CD, with the original name, before the change to D-A-D.  Not only is the cover different, but so is the mix on four tracks:  “Sleeping My Day Away”, “Point of View”, “Rim of Hell” and “Girl Nation”.  On the international CD that I have, these four tracks were remixed by Chris Lord-Alge.  You can hear the slight difference, mostly in terms of levels in the mix.

Good Clean Family Entertainment You Can Trust (1995).  A single disc compilation with live and studio cuts, and loads of single artwork inside.

Psychopatico (1998).  Double live.  Their first live release besides a 1990 live Japanese EP.  17 tracks total.

The Early Years (2000).  Double compilation!  Includes their first two studio albums, plus their debut EP called Standin’ On the Never Ever, and 17 rare or previously unreleased bonus tracks.

Scare Yourself Alive (2006).  Another double live!  Two gigs from 2005 included.  Minimal overlap between the two discs.

DIC·NII·LAN·DAFT·ERD·ARK (2011).  Studio album.  Check out that Super Audio CD case!  Looks like I have all their studio albums now, as you shall see.

A Prayer For the Loud (2019).  Their most recent studio album.

And, best of all…

The Overmuch Box:  Twenty Five Years of D-A-D (2009)!  This includes all their studio albums up to 2008, completing my collection!  The albums are:

  • Standin’ On the Never Ever (1985 EP)
  • Call Of the Wild (1986)
  • D-A-D Draws a Circle (1987)
  • No Fuel Left for the Pilgrims (1989 US version)
  • Riskin’ It All (1991)
  • Helpyourselfish (1995)
  • Simpatico (1997)
  • Everything Glows (2000)
  • Soft Dogs (2002)
  • Scare Yourself (2005)
  • Monster Philosophy (2008)
  • Bonus album:  Behind the Seen (Rare, unreleased & B-sides 1984-2009)

There’s still a bit of D-A-D out there to acquire, such as that Japanese EP, but surely not much.  To be honest I never expected to get any more D-A-D beyond the Riskin’ It All album (which is supposedly lethal).  But…holy shit people!  That’s enough D-A-D to take years to digest.

Thor’s generosity cannot be understated! This is awesome stuff.  You never see their music around in Canada, and I simply assumed I’d never have them.  I love the price tags from a store called Moby Disc – great name!  To have this much D-A-D, including the early stuff I only read about, and both versions of No Fuel, I’m just blown away.  Truly overmuch! This is a band that has been special to me for a long time, because I can remember sitting in Bob Schipper’s basement when that music video came on.  He went nuts for it.  Just loved it.  Just like I loved that big guy!  Nothing but great times.

Thank you Jen, thank you Thor, and everyone who wished me a happy birthday.

#1001: 50 (Or, Reading a Post in Real Time)

RECORD STORE TALES #1001: 50

Well, it happened.  After two and a half years of no illnesses whatsoever, this boy finally got sick a couple days before his 50th birthday.  Not Covid, thank fuck.  Just the cold that seems to be going around “like wildfire” according to our pharmacist.  Sunday night it hit like a ton of bricks and I was in bed by 5:30.  Monday I was coughing with a sore throat and spent the entire day in bed, a couple hours here and there aside.  Tuesday I was well enough to go back to work.  Dead tired though.

And so, this 50th birthday that was supposed to be a simple movie night with the parents is now a night at home by ourselves.  Can’t bring this cold into their house.  Additionally, because I didn’t go into work on Monday, I cancelled my planned day off on Friday.  Just not enough time left in the week to get everything done.  We were supposed to do a 50th birthday celebration at the lake but that won’t be happening.

As miserable as I felt, it’s nice to get the birthday messages.  Because I can, I’ll boast a bit about the celebrity birthday wishes.  I’m always a little shellshocked when guys like this wish me a happy birthday:

  • Brent Jensen, the author and podcaster who always makes my skin vibrate
  • Mike Fraser, world-class producer and mixer extraordinaire
  • Brent Doerner, Helix guitarist
  • Greg Fraser, Brighton Rock and Storm Force axe-slinger
  • Michael Willerding, former drummer for Russian Blue and Feel
  • Rik Fox, original W.A.S.P. bassist who messaged all the way from Facebook jail

Even though I feel like I need an extended

[cut]

That is the exact moment while writing this post on a snack break that my cell phone rang.

Same old, same old, same old.  The mall called.  My beautiful wife had a seizure.  This time, she fell flat on her face and cut her lip.  She looks absolutely brutal right now.  It hurts my heart.

Had to leave work early.  I’m exhausted.  She’s pretty sore.

Let’s focus on the good.  Trying to focus on the good.

OK, the good:

  • Happy birthday wishes from all my friends and relatives
  • Surprise birthday pizza and pasta from our pharmacist, Vu
  • Surprise birthday parcel from Thor, aka Thunder Blackmore (it’s just cool getting a text message that says “You have a parcel from Thor”)
  • Jen is safe

I was going to do a big unboxing of Thor’s parcel but I am dead tired now.  I need rest.  And what says “you’re 50 years old now” better than a nap?

It can only get better from here.  Happy 50th, to me.

#850: Truly A Marvel

GETTING MORE TALE #850: Truly A Marvel

You can blame my dad!  He doesn’t remember getting me into Marvel comics, but he started it.

My neighborhood friends did have something to do with it initially.  Marvel’s Secret Wars was turning into the comic event of the year.  Neighbors like Bob Schipper and George Balasz introduced me to some of the characters – The Vision, Scarlet Witch, Rogue, Storm, and Bob’s favourite Hawkeye.  Bob liked collecting “limited series” and 1984’s The Last Starfighter (based on the movie) was the first he completed.  Marvel also had the comic rights to Star Wars and Indiana Jones, so it was natural for me to gravitate to them rather than DC.   Even Kiss had a Marvel comic.

I remember Marvel four-packs at convenience stores.   You would get four Marvel comics from four different titles in one bag.  My dad would buy these for us on the way to the cottage to give us something to do.   Just one bag of four books would keep us occupied on those long drives.  Iceman, Iron Man, ROM the Spaceknight and the X-Men entered our lives this way.  I didn’t want DC comics; I wanted the characters that I knew.  We were not comic fiends the way some kids were, but Marvel was there for me with astounding tales of science fiction and fantasy.

My father has no memory of buying those old books.  He looks at these Marvel movies today completely dumbfounded.

“Who’s that guy?” he’ll ask.

“That’s Tony Stark!  Iron Man!  You bought my first Iron Man comics when I was a kid!”

Although he always responds with “I don’t remember that,” I sure do.

It’s all true.  He bought my first Iron Man.  When I started reading them, James Rhodes was actually Iron Man.  Tony was just about to reclaim the helmet for himself when I jumped in.

Of the heroes, ROM was my favourite.  His adventures crossed over with Ant Man, Alpha Flight and others, exposing me to more Marvel characters.  A ROM annual (#3) with the X-Men hooked me on the Spaceknight.  At this time, my grandfather was dying of cancer.  When we went to visit the hospital, I wasn’t allowed to see him anymore.  He was too sick and they didn’t want me to remember him that way.  I can remember sitting in the waiting room reading ROM #62.  The battle to save Earth from the Dire Wraiths was a good distraction from the hospital sounds and smells.

As a little kid, I couldn’t buy everything.  It was hard just getting to the stores to catch every issue.  So my mom got out her cheque book and bought me subscriptions to my three favourite books.  Now there was no way I would be missing the latest issues of ROM, GI Joe, and The Transformers.

DC Comics had the big movies – Superman, Batman – but Marvel didn’t seem to translate well to live action.  We had the TV show The Incredible Hulk starring Bill Bixby and Lou Ferigno, but it was only loosely based on the comic.  (The TV producers didn’t want the Hulk to be green but fortunately Stan Lee insisted upon it.)   Marvel finally came out with a great film in 2000’s X-Men, directed by Brian Singer.  Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan were fantastic, but it was Hugh Jackman as Wolverine that was the real breakthrough.  Unfortunately the X-Men films declined in quality too quickly.  Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man debuted in 2002, but suffered the same fate by the third film.

Whether it was Blade, Fantastic 4 or Ghost Rider, Marvel rarely made me gasp in awe at the silver screen.  Not until Iron Man flew around the world in 2008.  That Jon Favreau film was a game changer.  Especially when Samuel L. Jackson showed up in a surprise cameo as Nick Fury to discuss the “Avenger Initiative”.  Suddenly the idea of Marvel heroes interacting with other Marvel heroes seemed possible.

None of us could have imagined the marvel-ous tapestry that they would weave over the next 22 movies.  Finally seeing my heroes like Captain America, Thor and Ant Man in movie form made me remember what I loved about my old comics.  They tried to stay reasonably close to the original stories.  The costumes might have been updated and less colourful, but there was no mistaking the Mighty Thor for anyone else.

And now all these decades later, I’m going back, buying graphic novels and catching up on my old friends in the Marvel Universe.  Reprints of The Infinity Gauntlet, Secret Wars, and the very first adventures of the Incredible Hulk, Iron Man, Spider-Man, and the X-Men are all in my library any time I need some nostalgia therapy.  Thank you Stan Lee, Jack Kirby, Steve Ditko and all the rest.  Jim Shooter, Larry Hama, Bob Budiansky and Simon Furman, I will always be grateful for bringing me childhood heroes month after month!

 

#841: Happy Canada Day! 11 Tunes

Happy Canada Day from LeBrain HQ to you.  I know this is rough one, a weird one, and a difficult one.  I’m going to ignore the current goings-on and everything else that has to do with Canada Day, and present to you Eleven Canadian Songs You Need to Hear Right Now.  Enjoy!

1. Helix – “Billy Oxygen”

2. Arkells – “Leather Jacket”

3. July Talk – “Picturing Love”

4. The Guess Who – “Albert Flasher”

5. Blue Rodeo – “Side of the Road”

6. Harem Scarem – “Slowly Slipping Away”

7. Rush – “Vital Signs”

8. Gordon Lightfoot – “Canadian Railroad Trilogy” (re-recorded version)

9. Monster Truck – “Don’t Tell Me How to Live”

10. Kim Mitchell – “Rumour Has It”

11. Thor – “Keep the Dogs Away”

WTF Search Terms: More Rock and Roll edition

WTF Search Terms XII: More Rock and Roll edition

“Here We Go Again” with more WTF Search Terms!  Everything seen below is an actual search term, that a real person clicked to somehow get here to mikeladano.com.  As David Coverdale might say, “Here’s some rock and roll for ya!”

  1. jon mikl thor arnold the beatles greatness (One of these things is not like the other)
  2. russ parish is god (Good, yes, God, no.)
  3. buyers for kiss albulms (What you got?)
  4. taking the rush blu ray disc out of moving pictures deluxe edition (It’s not that difficult, guy.)
  5. queensryche take hold of the flame cheap trick lyrics (Again these things are not the same.)
  6. used t-120 vhs recording tapes for kids sing along (OK…)
  7. cherone nice good guy (I wouldn’t know?)
  8. marilyn manson sucks himself (No!  How many fucking times do I have to tell you!)
  9. iron maiden gone too soft (Bullshit.)
  10. the demon code prevents me from declining a rock off challenge lyrics (ACCEPTED!)

If you enjoyed this and would like to read more WTF Search Terms, please click here!

DEMON GROHL

REVIEW: Thor – Keep the Dogs Away (1977)

Here’s the third review from the The Toronto Musical Collectibles Record & CD Sale! For the last installment of this series, click here!

THOR – Keep the Dogs Away (1977 RCA)

From the snowy shores of Vancouver British Columbia came Jon Mikl Thor, cult favourite and man of remarkable physique!  Keep the Dogs Away is his second album, but the first to be billed simply as Thor.  (Prior to this, they were Thor and the Imps.)  It’s corny, cheesy, not too serious and occasionally fun.  According to Wikipedia, this thing even went gold!

I’ve certainly loved the title track for as long as I can remember.  I used to see this guy Thor on MuchMusic all the time.  Usually he’d be bending a steel bar in his mouth.  Sometimes, he’d blow up a hot water bottle with nothing but lung power.  In one mid-80’s Power Hour interview, I distinctly recall him explaining that he was wearing spikes before Motley Crue were (true) and that his spikes were bigger (also true).  That’s the level we’re at here, just so you have an idea.  Thor is now a B-movie thespian, and I remember seeing bits of one of his films, Rock ‘n’ Roll Nightmare (1987) on TV.

There’s nothing exceptional here in terms of vocals, musicianship or songwriting, but the tunes are entertaining enough.  You’ll find yourself able to sing along to “Sleeping Giant” and “Catch a Tiger”, with its simple “Yeah you know!” refrain.  “Catch a Tiger” distantly resembles Rising-era Rainbow.

“I’m So Proud” is just rock and roll, kinda lite and reminiscent perhaps of the lesser Gene Simmons’ solo album material.  Thor wouldn’t be influenced by Kiss just a little, would he?  “Tell Me Lies” might be Thor aping Alice Cooper.  I’m sure Alice was an influence on young Jon Mikl.

Side two commences with the cascading piano of the pompous but fun “Military Matters”.  What Thor does here cannot really be strictly called singing, but he sure is bellowing!  “Superhero” is comically bad, but…I seem to find myself humming along.  Is it the basic simplicity?  “Wasted” is of similar quality, although Thor’s not even trying to sing at this point.  “Rosie” isn’t much better, and then the album closes on “Thunder”, a resounding thud of mediocrity.

I don’t regret the $10 that I spent on this. I’d wanted “Keeps the Dogs Away” (the song) for a long time and now I have it on a physical product.  As far as I’m concerned, I have all the Thor I need now.

1/5 stars.  But almost in that “so bad it’s good” category.

Footnote about the credits:  I like that John Shand played guitar and six-string bass, an instrument used by both Spinal Tap and Aerosmith.   I also enjoy that, apparently, this album was recorded in 1943.

Thor bends steel bar in his mouth

Part 215: Mono

RECORD STORE TALES Part 215:  Mono

Today, I was listening to some old-school Dio, and I had a thought.  A sudden thought that I wanted to explore:

“My taste in music was 100% solidified by that month in 1986 that I had mono!”

Yeah!  I think it’s true!  I was sick at home for a month (at least) too tired to do anything except record videos on the Pepsi Power Hour!  I was inundated with a steady intake of incredible songs, in many cases for the first time.  And because I still have the old VHS tapes, I know exactly what’s on them.  This brief but intense period of my life was rocked by this soundtrack, over and over again:

power hourOzzy Osbourne – “The Ultimate Sin”

Hear N’ Aid – “Stars”

Dio – “Rock and Roll Children”

Black Sabbath – “Die Young”

Lee Aaron – “Shake It Up”

ZZ Top – “Rough Boy”

Kim Mitchell – “Lager and Ale”

Thor (Jon Mikl Thor) – “Keep the Dogs Away”

Triumph – “Never Surrender”

Loudness – “Let It Go”

Spinal Tap – “Hell Hole”, the theme song that my sister and I dedicated to our old Catholic grade school!

These songs were first impressed upon me during that period, the visuals always cool and intriguing to me.  Especially Lee Aaron.  Ahem.  Anyway.  I watched these videos over and over again.   I recorded the audio (in mono) (…hah, I made a pun!) to a cassette so I could listen to them on my Walkman.  This came in handy at the cottage.  We didn’t have a VCR or cable there, so the only way to bring my songs was to tape them from the TV.

That one intense period of being stuck at home with nothing but heavy metal heroes might have made me the LeBrain I am today.  I’m glad something good came out of it!  I couldn’t even go swimming that entire summer!

Motherlode of Christmas Rock!

I have 31 discs of music to listen to now.  And a whole lotta other goodies.  Here we go!

First up – books.  Peter Criss’ Makeup To Breakup, and the latest from Ripley’s Believe It or Not and Guiness’ Book of World Records.   I’ve leafed through Peter’s book — all he seems to do is bitch about Paul and Gene.  Review will come.

Next, Queen.  A total of 8 discs of awesome remastered Queen to listen to:  The Miracle, Jazz, A Night at the Opera, and Live Killers!

Next up, Rush.  6 discs in each of these two Sector box sets, including 2 DVD’s in 5.1 surround, plus 2 discs of 2112.  Awesome.  (I already have Sector 2 and have a review of that coming in the next few days.)

And the rest:  The 4 disc Cult Love Omnibus Edition.  Thin Lizzy’s Life Live (2 discs), Jon Lord’s Concerto for Group and Orchestra, and the new Rage Against The Machine XX edition (2 discs plus a DVD).

But that’s not all.  Check out this Kiss lunchbox, these movies and vintage G1 Transformers 1988 “Bugly” action figure.

Lastly my folks got me this neat Joby camera tripod.  This is going to come in handy when I make my next Transformers stop motion animated movie.  I did a brief 15 second screen test — check that out too!


Hope your Christmas was filled with happiness, love, joy, and rock!

MOVIE REVIEW: FUBAR (2002)

FUBAR (2002, directed by Michael Dowse)

Ferrell Mitchner, an amature filmaker, wants to look at two locals who live the party life, fast and hard. Terry and Deaner are two “bangers” living in Calgary Alberta.  They shotgun their beers, vandalize stuff, and avoid getting a real job, and to them that’s just fine.  They live a worry and care-free lifestyle with a killer soundtrack behind them:  AC/DC, Iron Maiden, Thor, and original metal music too.

All’s not well in partyland though:  Terry and Dean’s best friend, Tron (Troy) isn’t hanging out with them anymore.  Things seem pretty dull in Calgary until Terry blabs to Ferrell that Dean’s got cancer.

And it’s bad cancer, too.  Testicular cancer.  While Dean acts like it’s a joke, his on-and-off girlfriend Trixie convinces him to get treatment.  For the sake of their daughter Chastity, Dean decides to go.  But not before one last massive blow-out party weekend.  Camping.  And Ferrell’s going to film the whole thing.

While the cancer aspect doesn’t sound funny, it does lend itself to many lines about Dean’s “giant nut”.  It’s the dense but lovable Terry and Dean who make this comedy work. Eternally quotable, Fubar is equal to or better than Trailer Park Boys’ dialogue.

Even though he cast some nasty fuckin’ evil shit on people, Merlin went to Heaven. That stuff’s real. Merlin was in King Henry’s court.

I liked this one, too.

Some of the best burgers I’ve ever had came from bowling alleys. Bowling alleys have some of the best cooks. Just because they work at a bowling alley, doesn’t mean they’re not gonna put some pride in their fuckin’ burgers.

The fact is, anybody who grew up in the 80’s knew somebody just like Terry and Dean. Dumb, but lovable and loyal, finding amusement in the simplest activities like farts, jumping fences and play fighting.  Terry and Dean are not unlike that guy down the street who wore his jean jacket even on the hottest summer days. Along the way, they encouter real Albertans like themselves, (like, actually real, as in these people didn’t know it was for a fictional movie) .   Guys who drink hard and party hard all weekend, waking at the crack of noon to do it all over again. While some would like to live in denial that such people exist, they’re out there, and they don’t give a shit what you think.

A big part of why this movie works is Paul Spence and David Lawrence.  Somehow they manage to give the characters of Dean and Terry just enough pathos, while keeping them genuine.

This is a truely awesome Canadian cult classic. It is a comedy with a real heart beating inside. Most importantly, it is only the beginning. Hopefully, you’ll want to see what adventures Terry and Deaner are up to when they move to Fort McMurray in Fubar II!

Bonus features are extremely high quality, with deleted scenes that should have made the final cut, and some hilarious commentary tracks.  I’m always a big fan of character commentaries.  The character commentary in this movie is hilarious.  Just as a sad scene is about to take place, commentary Deaner says:

I know I’m supposed to be sad because of what’s gonna happen…but this song’s so good, I can’t be sad.  (“Run To The Hills”)

Note:  You gain absolutely nothing by owning this on blu-ray vs. DVD.  The movie is supposed to look like they shot it with no money (which they basically did), and blu-ray actually looked worse in my opinion.

5/5 stars, just give’r.

Dean Murdoch Paul Spence
Terry Cahill David Lawrence
Farrel Mitchner Gordon Skilling

 

Part 31: Quest For Music Videos!

Back in 1985 or so, MuchMusic was the window through which we discovered the vast majority of heavy metal.  For a while there, my sister had good taste in music.  Her favourite band was Motley Crue.  She was obsessed with their tall, tall hair.  I taped her the first two albums, Too Fast For Love and Shout At The Devil on two sides of a 90 minute tape.

Together, we watched a shitload of videos.  Our favourites were often the ones where the band seemed to be on some sort of quest, or adventure!  Some of these videos I haven’t seen in years, so forgive me if the memories are hazy…

Motley Crue – “Too Young To Fall In Love”.  It seems like some little kid is telling Motley Crue something important, and then they kick some ass.  My sister used to say to me, “I think that kid is telling Nikki Sixx to stand up.” 

Lionheart – “Die For Love”. You gotta see this one. Dennis Stratton, ex Iron Maiden. This evil guy in a white suit and a wheelchair has a pretty blonde girl captive! The band must come to the rescue! I hope their hair doesn’t get mussed! Good song though. Great song, even. SERIOUSLY funny video though, like those poses…the singer jumps around…they kind of dance-fight with the bad guys….

Queensryche – “Queen of the Reich”.  The Queen turned them to stone!

Thor – “Knock ‘Em Down”.  Thor (Also known of Jon Mikel Thor) was this musclebound metal singer, and his video was hilarious.  This evil space-witch named Pantera enslaves the population of the world below!  Thor, riding in his space ship (which is obviously a Millenium Falcon model with some battleship parts glued to it, and crewed by nothing but big-breasted women), beams down!  The evil space-witch shoots him with her red eye lasers, but Thor reflects it back with his mighty hammer!  The space-witch is defeated!

Dio – “The Last In Line”.  That video actually scared me a little, with the monsters leaking fluid and stuff.  I’m glad the kid got out of hell, although it looks like Dio has to stay.

Dio – “Holy Diver”.  Always the hero, Dio awkwardly weilds a sword that is obviously too big for his tiny frame.  But he does slay an ugly dude who doesn’t put up much of a fight.  Is that Jimmy Bain?  George used to say Vinny Appice is the guy forging the sword.  Is this true?

Grim Reaper – “Fear No Evil”.  The band ride into action on an armored APC (Asskicking Personnel Carrier), with spikes and tusks!  They must free the slaves of the evil minotaur.  Steve Grimmitt breaks the chains of the slaves with his bare hands! 

Armored Saint – “Can U Deliver”.  At least the beginning part, they seem to be looking for a sword in a desert!  A techno-coloured desert!

And of course, Kiss – “All Hell’s Breakin’ Loose”.  Gene doesn’t seem too impressed with Paul’s swordplay.  Vinnie looks less like a chick than in the previous video.  The post-nuclear holocaust seems to have somehow increased the size of women’s breases, if this video is to be trusted.