retail

#467: Harvey’s

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GETTING MORE TALE #467: Harvey’s

Do you like a good hamburger? No? How about the best veggie burger around? If you answered “yes” to either question, but do not live in Canada, then kick yourself because that means you don’t get any Harvey’s.

The story is only tangentdentally related to Record Store Tales but the core of it is all about customer service.

According to my journals, this story took place on July 27 2005, a Wednesday. I didn’t normally work the night shift at the Record Store on a Wednesday but that week I did. I had a rotten start to the day — I had been trying to sell some magazines on eBay to some idiot who couldn’t seem to provide a valid mailing address. That morning, he emailed me to complain the magazines hadn’t arrived yet. A couple hours later, they came back to me in the mail for the second time! “Undeliverable” because the address wasn’t right. I asked him for a new address because the prior one he gave me was no good, but he just gave me the same one again. I refunded his money; to hell with that guy!

Working that afternoon and evening, there were no bosses in the office to breath down my neck, which always helped the day go smoother. I decided to treat myself to a take out burger on my way home that night, so of course that meant a stop at Harvey’s. I’m pretty easy to please; I almost always order the same thing. That night it was a double original with bacon and cheese. My toppings are (in order) lettuce, tomatoes, pickles and mayonnaise. Lots of mayo. No ketchup, no mustard. That’s my burger — the LeBrain burger. That week they were doing a promotion where you got a free candy bar with your combo.

I pulled into the drive through, usually a dull experience. However, as I’m ordering my combo five, the guy says, “Sorry sir we’re all sold out of that.” A pause; I’m baffled how they could be out of original burgers and bacon. He quickly came back on. “I’m just kidding, combo five.” Then he asked what candy bar I wanted. “Sorry sir we’re all sold out of that.” He laughed and then said, “Just kidding, drive through for your Snickers bar and combo five.”

I thought that was pretty funny. I talked to the guy at the takeout window for a few minutes as they made my burger, and it was a nice little chat. Some guy earlier told him to “fuck off” about some mustard that wasn’t supposed to be on a burger, so he was just trying to lighten up his night a bit. Lord knew, I got that! I had enough bad experiences slinging the rock at the Record Store. When you work behind the counter anywhere, you’re a target for abuse. There’s no excuse for telling somebody to “fuck off” when they’re in customer service, but it happens and it sucks. A little levity doesn’t hurt. At least he picked the right guy to joke around with in me. Humour is a fine line. If he had the wrong person at the drive through, he could have ended up with some humourless bastard who wanted to speak to the manager about the joker working there. When in doubt, err on the side of caution!

TULLThat chance encounter brightened up my night and I made sure he knew that.  In my journal I noted that I drove home, listening to Stand Up by Jethro Tull and thinking it may have been the greatest British rock album of all time.  Hot beef and hot rock, I was in a great mood.  And that brings us back full circle to the rock.

Treat those who work in retail with the respect a human being deserves.  Just because you’re the customer doesn’t give you the right to be a jackass.

 

And now a selection of Harvey’s burgers, from some of my favourite people.  Each burger is a beautiful thing in itself!

The Greg burger:  Bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles and onions.

The Mike Lukas:  Ketchup, mustard, pickles, relish, onions.

The Uncle Richard:  Onions, mushrooms*, cheese, bacon, and mild banana pepper rings with mayo, mustard, and ketchup.

The D-Law:  “Seriously, I put EVERYTHING on it!”

The Angela:  Not a vegetarian, but preferring Harvey’s (excellent) veggie patty, here’s the Angela burger. Veggie with mustard, ketchup, BBQ sauce, pickles, tomato, onion, lettuce and hot peppers, sometimes cheese.  “Perhaps next time I’ll try bacon on it. I’m thinking that would be a unique order!”

The JT:  Everything except mayo and ketchup…triple pickle.

The Tiffany:  Original with cheese and bacon, lettuce, tomato, onion, ketchup, mustard and mayo.  “Now I want one…”

The Scott:  Bacon, cheese, onions, two slices of pickle, a little lettuce, mayo, ketchup, and hot sauce.  “I like my burger sloppy.”

The Mandy:  Cheeseburger with ketchup, mustard, relish, mayo, lettuce and extra, extra pickles.

The Mrs. LeBrain:  Double original, with ketchup, little bit of mustard, extra onions (“I miss the old white ones – purple isn’t right”) and pickles.

The Danny:  Double original, lettuce, ketchup, mustard, mayo, pickles!

The Chris:  “I usually get everything with double relish!”

And the Cliff, otherwise known as the Party Pooper:  “Totally hate the place. Last time I was in the drive thru they charged me six bucks for a cheeseburger with ketchup (not a combo). And they didn’t blink. I also think their meat sucks. Much prefer Dairy Queen.  Sorry for the rant, but I did want to voice a ‘none of the above’ vote in your topping selection.”  [Vote counted sir!]

*Mushrooms generally only available on special seasonal burgers such as the Swiss mushroom melt.

#463: The X Factor Failure

 

GETTING MORE TALE #463: The X Factor Failure

When Bruce Dickinson left Iron Maiden in 1993, the metal world was rocked yet again by another major defection.  First Vince Neil, then Rob Halford, and now Bruce!  It seemed the old guard of 80’s metal had suddenly fallen from the top of the world, to critical condition on life support.

Some fans gave up.  The loyal waited eagerly for news.  First were the rumours that Paul Di’Anno would come back (quickly shot down by Steve Harris).  Then Michael Kiske from Helloween had his name dropped in a few speculative magazine articles.  Finally in 1994, the identity of the new singer was released:  Blaze Bayley, ex-Wolfsbane.  In North America, the majority  muttered, “Who?”  The fans who still cared, anyway.  Those who did not cut their hair and moved on to Soundgarden and Alice in Chains.

Another long quiet year went by before new Maiden music hit the shelves.  When it did, in the form of the album The X Factor, it was clear that Iron Maiden had changed.  They were now a quieter, darker animal, with a singer to suit that sound.  The departure was not well received.  Fans were not impressed by the long, repetitive songs, nor the lower-voiced singer.  The album failed to make a significant dent in the charts, although it sold well initially in Quebec,  the last stalwart of metal in Canada.  One fan who did accept and embrace the changes was yours truly, Mr. LeBrain, but not without taking flak for it.

When the CD was released, I was already working at the Record Store, so I bought it immediately.  We didn’t stock enough copies to get it in early, or even offer a good price on it.  In other words, we ordered just three copies of the new Iron Maiden CD, with one of those being reserved for me!   That’s how far Maiden had fallen.  It took two or three good listens to adjust to the new softer Maiden, but certain songs jumped out fairly quickly, such as “The Sign of the Cross” and “Lord of the Flies”.  I enjoyed the darkly introspective lyrics on new songs such as “The Aftermath” and “Look for the Truth”.

The girl I was dating at the time was not into rock music; not in the least.  The last CD I bought for her was Much Dance ’95, featuring such hits as “What is Love” by Haddaway, “Saturday Night” by Whigfield, and of course, “Macarena”.  I even took a bullet and listened to it with her, the whole thing.  In turn, she tried to give my Joe Satriani a shot, but she wasn’t particularly interested.   I knew there was no chance she’d be into Iron Maiden, but since I was excited that they had new music out, I was talking about it a lot.  I tried to tell her how much I was enjoying the new lyrics on the album.

That’s when she said the words I will never, ever forget:

“Why are you even listening to new Iron Maiden?  You know they will never be popular again.”

 

Aye carumba!

Popular?  What true Maiden fan ever bought an album because it was popular?

I was deeply disappointed in her words, and even a little hurt.  I was trying to convey to her that the words and music were impacting me; I was feeling something and wanted to express that.  It is always good when music provokes thoughts and feelings.  I would have loved for the album to be successful, but that wasn’t the point.  I never listened to Maiden to be cool.

She dumped me shortly after I bought the new Lisa Loeb album for her.  Damn you, Lisa Loeb.  Then, she started banging an ex-girlfriend of mine, and her new boyfriend…at the same time.

Let me repeat that for you just in case you missed it.

Then, she started banging an ex-girlfriend of mine, and her new boyfriend, at the same time.  Both of them.

Henceforth, I dove headfirst into that Maiden album to drown my misery, and it became one of several discs that were my soundtrack to that miserable winter for me: Maiden, Ozzy’s Ozzmosis, and Oasis’ (What’s the Story) Morning Glory.  If there is a reason I have a soft spot for The X Factor by Iron Maiden, you can blame that girl who said they’d never be popular again.

While all is forgiven today, I have not forgotten that remark (obviously), and the amazing thing is that she was 100% wrong.  Maiden are more popular today than they ever have been.   Their T-shirts have become fashion statements.  Kids who weren’t even born when Bruce left the band are buying tickets to see them live in 2016!  But much more important than that, they have achieved a level of artistic integrity and consistency that most bands should be envious of.

Maiden, never popular again?  File that under failed predictions from the 90’s, right next to the Y2k scare!  Up the Irons!

SAM_1037

#456: An Anniversary to be Celebrated

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GETTING MORE TALE #456: An Anniversary to be Celebrated

Christmas is a stressful time of year, and that goes double when you work retail.

Today is the 10 year anniversary of one of the most stressful but important days of my life.

Although it wasn’t much of a plan, at one point I figured I could turn the record store in a career.  The Boss Man had sold a few of us on that idea.  “Within five years, I want to have 100 stores across the country, and you’re going to be a big part of it.”  I heard that, T-Rev heard that…a number of us heard that.  We grew store by store, but downloading slowly put the brakes on that.  After The Great Change (Napster and the like) I eventually came to the realization that my career plans were not going to work out.  However depression and despondency grew within me, and one particular supervisor made my life at work hell for years.  I could not pull myself out of that rut.  Finding new work wasn’t easy either.   Deep inside, I knew that I would have to reach a breaking point before I was truly ready to move on from the job I once loved.

That breaking point happened 10 years ago today, December 19 2005.  They pushed me one step too far, and made demands that I later found out they could not make.  I finally worked up the courage to say “I quit”.   That was the last straw; I had been shoved around that place for way too long.  The true story of this happening can be found in Record Store Tales Part 320: End of the Line, if you want to read how it went down that day.

Short version:  Second best decision I ever made.

(The best decision I ever made my marrying my wife!)

I love music so much, and having a job working with music every day?  Why, that’s the dream job isn’t it?  And it was, for several years.  I’m glad to have done it.  Without the store I would have no Record Store Tales, and my collection today would be but a fraction of its size.   Moving on from something you once loved can be a hard thing.  “Maybe this will be the year it gets better again,” I said a few times.   When a relationship becomes toxic, sometimes the only way for both parties to be happy is to move on.

10 years ago, I made the serious decision to make the break after 12 years of joy and pain.  The funny thing I just realized is, while Record Store Tales could not exist if I never worked at the Record Store, they also could not exist if I never quit!  They would have continued to gather dust on a hard drive, because I wouldn’t have been able to tell the stories under confidentiality restrictions, and that would have ripped my heart in two had I stayed.

Things worked out for the best!  Thanks for reading along.  And if you haven’t, it’s not too late.  You can read all 320 chapters of the original one-and-only Record Store Tales right below.*  Happy anniversary!

RECORD STORE TALES

Parts 1 – 50  
Parts 51 – 100 
Parts 101 – 150
Parts 151 – 200
Parts 201 – 250
Parts 251 – 300
Parts 301 – 320

#451: The Summer Sausage Rule

SAUSAGE

GETTING MORE TALE #451: The Summer Sausage Rule

The owner at the old Record Store was a very smart man.  He learned from everybody and absorbed everything.  He was a virtual encyclopedia of retail do’s and don’ts.  I don’t think anybody would be likely to meet someone who knows more about retail and how to thrive in difficult times.

There were many memorable lessons that I learned there, but one of the rules he tried to drill into managers was the “Summer Sausage Rule”.  This was a display tip that he learned from Mac Voisin, founder of M&M Meats.  This company is now one of the largest frozen food retailers in Canada.  They grew from one to 425 franchises.  You can see why the Boss admired their model, especially when we went into our own (less successful) franchising phase.  We couldn’t duplicate their success by selling used CDs, but the Summer Sausage Rule was pretty simple and easy to apply at a store level.

Here’s the rule:

Mac Voisin noticed that if he displayed only a small number of summer sausage (like one or two links) for sale, nobody would buy them.  There’s something psychological about it.  Customers are less likely to buy one, if there are only a couple out to buy.  Maybe they think “this product can’t be very good,” if there are only one or two out.  Or, perhaps it was, “There are only two left, which means all the best sausage is probably gone.” When Mac displayed dozens of pieces of summer sausage as opposed to just one or two, they would fly off the shelves.  Same product, same store; just different quantities on display.

Therefore, the Summer Sausage Rule, as it applied to CDs and CD accessories was “display as many as you can.”  If you’re selling CD wallets, don’t just price one or two and put them out.  Fill the shelves with them.  Same with CD towers.  If you display two dozen, you’ll sell them faster than if you only put out one or two at a time.  Posters, CD cases, CD cleaners – it doesn’t matter.  If you have the stock, then display it en masse.  You will turn them around much more quickly.

The best rules are often the simplest.  This is one rule that actually worked!   Retailers of the world, take note and learn from a once-tiny now-huge frozen food empire!

SAUSAGE

A Word on Summer Sausage

It may surprise longtime readers to know that I am not fond of summer sausage.  Considering I often boast of being a proud annual Sausagefester every summer, you might assume I enjoy all forms of cured spiced meats.  I do not.  Its powerful taste and dense meat* do not appeal to me.  Having said that, I find it fascinating just the same.

The most common summer sausage in this area is made by Schneiders, who make a pork based version.  However this is farm country, and just a few clicks north in St. Jacobs, you can buy it fresh in more varieties.  Keep in mind though, what you are looking at here is basically a fat and salt torpedo.  These things will bomb your guts like no tomorrow, so remember:  moderation!

 

 

*Aaron, your line here ___________________.

#450: Beat Up in a Mascot Suit [VIDEO]

RECORD STORE TALES #450: Beat Up in a Mascot Suit

When I first saw this thing sitting in the Beat Goes On back room, I thought it was one of the most hilarious sights I’d ever be likely to find. For shits and giggles, I offered to wear it one Saturday afternoon, and stand on the sidewalk waving to cars. I quickly changed my mind when one of our staff attempted to dissuade me, by telling her friends to kick my CD-suited-ass. Upper management may have lost respect for me when I backed out, but I didn’t see any of them waving at cars either.

You have no defence inside the suit. Your hands and arms are limited to movement at the wrists, and you lose all peripheral vision. A gang of highschool aged Korn fans would have made short work of me!

One slow evening, I decided to take a break and use the time constructively. I wanted to try on that suit! I went into the back room while leaving Dandy in charge of the register. In the back, working a night shift on our web sales, was Wiseman, who offered to take some pictures and video of the suit.

This is what happened. The events were not staged. I never wore it again!

 

Enjoy.

#425: The Soup Nazi

Dedicated to Sebastien Xavier Meunier

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#425: The Soup Nazi

One of the classic, most popular antagonists from the old TV show Seinfeld is the Soup Nazi .  This character, the proprietor of a busy, highly rated soup joint in Manhattan, was eccentric to say the least.  The Soup Nazi had strict rules about lining up and ordering your soup.

Jerry: “There’s only one caveat.  The guy who runs the place is a little temperamental, especially about the ordering procedure.  He’s secretly referred to as the Soup Nazi.”

Elaine: “Why? What happens if you don’t order right?”

Jerry:  “He yells and you don’t get your soup.”

That’s right!  Deviate from procedure, and there’s no soup for you!  Jerry continues:

Jerry: “As you walk in the place, move immediately to your right.  The main thing is to keep the line moving.  It’s very important not to embellish on your order.  No extraneous comments.  No questions.  No compliments.”

As it turned out, George complained about some forgotten bread.  He was given a refund and had his soup taken away!  “No soup for you!”  Elaine ended up with a one year ban!  The only Seinfeld character with whom the Soup Nazi seems to have an understanding is Kramer.  “You suffer for your soup,” says Cosmo Kramer.  “You demand perfection from yourself, from your soup.”

I have always had a…what’s the word?…not admiration, but something like that…for the Soup Nazi.  Envy, perhaps.  Not for his gruff demeanor.  Not for his rude reactions to people.  Not for a badass moustache.  Just for his demand…nay!…his expectation on a nice, quiet orderly line.  I like order.

DOUCHE 3-1

LeBrain at the counter, circa 1998, going through a box of discs.

You might be surprised to learn that a used CD store can have a very, very busy counter area.  It’s quite easy for things to go sideways if you’re not on top of them.  The used CD store was a place in which you’re performing multiple duties simultaneously.  While you are buying a pile of 50 CDs (which you have organized meticulously by condition and offering price), you could also be looking up inventory for someone else, and doing a sale for someone else.   Is that the phone ringing?

On a busy day, I could have several piles of discs that I’m buying from customers, and also a few more piles that customers want to buy, but have set aside while they look around some more.  It can get very confusing very quickly if there is not order.

Back in Part 274 of Record Store Tales, we took a look at a type of customer I dubbed the “Hawks”.  These are folks with a lot of CDs to sell.  They were the most annoying customers in the world:  sellers who just want to hang out at the front counter, watch what you’re doing, and chat.  They are completely oblivious to the concept of other people.  They don’t realize there is someone else behind them who is trying to buy something, while they lean and take up all the counter space themselves.  The Soup Nazi didn’t put up with that.

Since I wasn’t a Soup Nazi (and had bosses who could fire me and stuff), I would just politely (as I could manage) tell the guy that he has a line forming behind him, and could he please move off to the side?  I’d encourage them to go and get a coffee and come back later if I was going through a lot of CDs for them.

Even worse than Hawks in some ways though were customers who were just nosy.  “What are these?” they’d ask, before jumbling the piles of CDs that I had meticulously arranged earlier.  “Those belong to someone else, I had them all organized so please don’t mix them up.”  Frustration boils inside, fake smiles on the outside!

So yes, condemn me if you wish.  I can sympathize with the Soup Nazi.  I’m sure the following people burned his britches just as much as they burned mine!

  • The ones who are too busy chatting with their friends or on a cell phone to notice they are NEXT IN LINE!
  • Counter leaners who take up the whole thing, while bombarding you with BAD BREATH!  They tend to leave the counter dirty, and/or sweaty.
  • Counter parkers, who decide not to look around the store at all, but just park there and ask questions. They don’t like making room for paying customers.  They don’t even know there are any other customers.  They just have questions.  LOTS AND LOTS OF QUESTIONS!
  • CLINGERS. These people are not your friends, but they don’t know that.  Friends understand that you’re working and they are not, so they don’t bother you too much.  Clingers were usually customers who seemed lonely, and just wanted to hang out.  They like to chat, ask questions, and make it look like that CD in their hand is something they are really going to purchase.  But no, is it all just an elaborate hoax.  They just needed to kill a couple hours, and someone to talk to.  The person behind the counter is a captive audience.  They buy like, one or two discs a year just so they can’t be officially labelled a nuisance.

Looking back on it today, maybe it would have been better for my soul had I just take a few tips from the Soup Nazi.  No discs for you!

STORE RULES

#424: How to Stop a Thief

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#424: How to Stop a Thief

Surely, one of the biggest costs of running a retail business is loss due to theft.  If you open your doors to the public, somebody’s going to try and steal from you.  That is just the unfortunate reality of the world we inhabit.  Thieves have existed for as long as civilization, I’ll wager.

We had several defenses in place to protect ourselves from theft.  Although I do not have any numbers, I believe we were about effective as you could reasonably expect.

First and foremost, theft can be stopped by an aware staff.  When I first started at the Record Store in ’94, the boss said that not only is customer service #1, but it can help reduce theft.  If I were to walk up to every customer browsing on the floor to ask if they needed help, then any potential thieves would be aware that I had been watching and paying attention.  The boss taught us that diligent customer service can stop most theft before it happens.

On top of that, another thing I would do is purposely work right next to a suspicious person.  If I saw a customer acting all shady like they were trying to hide what they were doing with their hands, I would walk right next to them and start straightening CDs where they stood.  That probably helped, too.

SECURITY CASEThe second thing we did, at least in the early days, was apply magnetic tags to every item in stock.  For our CDs, that was easily done.  Remember those big, plastic security cases that had to be unlocked at the counter?  Some stores still use them.  You couldn’t break them open without wrecking the contents, and you couldn’t open them without the key, which was behind the counter.  Each security case had magnetic tags in it.  Put a CD in one of those things, and it’s not going anywhere without setting off the alarms.

For tapes, we didn’t have those security cases so we applied the magnetic tags directly to the cassette.  We’d try to hide them on the side opposite from the spine.  This was effective, but less so.  A thief could peel off those magnetic tags and often did.  It was never a good day when we found a bunch of those tags stuck under a shelf somewhere, like an old piece of gum.

Every Wednesday, we’d do a “tape check”.  Either T-Rev or I would go through every single tape in house, and make sure the magnetic tag was on there securely.  If it was peeling, we’d tape it on.  If it was ripped off (sometimes just from age and shelf wear), we’d replace it.  We were encouraged to replace as few of those as possible.  The stickers were something like 5 cents each, and that adds up very quickly when you have a few thousand tapes in stock.

With the magnetic tags and the tape check every Wednesday, we had it partly covered.  You’d also have to watch for kids trying to bypass the security gate.  You might see a kid walking out with his backpack lifted over his head (and gate).   I had also heard that a notorious local gang of thieves had lined their coats with tinfoil.  Tinfoil can stop the magnetic tags from setting off the alarms.  People used tinfoil to make “booster bags” – a device you can hide a tagged item in, in order to steal it without triggering the alarm.  Although I never witnessed it myself, the rumour was that these guys used something similar, and lined their coats with the stuff.  That’s how they managed to steal such huge quantities.  The gangs didn’t steal from us, but they targeted the big chain stores like HMV.  They were known all over town.  Every once in a while, I’ll still see one of their names in the newspaper.  The leader was recently busted in a meth sting, after having racked up 40 convictions over the years.

STEALING DISCS

Been Caught Stealing indeed!

When we changed the store’s format to 99% used CDs, we did away with the magnetic tags.  Instead we displayed empty cases only, while the precious CDs themselves were behind the counter.  This did result in some confusion, but much less costly theft prevention.

I’d still have customers walk up to me and say, “Hey buddy, I think somebody ripped you off.  This CD case is empty.”  Apparently, that customer didn’t notice the 7000 CDs behind me.

To try and help the customer understand what was going on, we put little signs on the CD shelves.  “All cases are empty.”  Even this caused confusion!  A few people would walk up to me and ask, “It says all cases are empty, so does that mean I have to buy the CD separately?”  Others would ask, “So you only sell the cases, not the CDs?”

Yeah, that’s it….

Unfortunately we could never completely stop theft.  Sometimes we would look up a CD in inventory.  The disc would be listed in stock, and the CD itself still behind me…but the case nowhere to be found anywhere in store.   We would check our sections regularly, but many cases never showed up.  I guess some thieves just ended up with empty ones.

Serves them right, but the last laugh was on us, because we ended up with a lot of case-less CDs that could not be sold.  The parasitic thieves cost us again.

#419: Things Customers Do that Annoy Retail Workers

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RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#419: Things Customers Do that Annoy Retail Workers

A few days ago, I saw this “20 Things Customers Do that Annoy Retail Workers” via George Takei’s daily (hilarious) Facebook posts.  It is so true that it hurts!  The memories it brought back…shudder.  I could relate to almost every single one.  The list was generally about clothing stores, but many of the points were wide-ranging.  Here are my favourite parts from the list that applied to us, with my own notes from the front lines of the Record Store!

1.  Asking “Do you work here?”  That used to drive me nuts.  Our boss used to make us wear these ugly STAFF tags.  It was like wearing a big hanging sign around your neck, it was so humiliating.  And still we’d get these questions!

5. “Tell you that an item that you sell is cheaper in another store.”  I’m not sure why people felt the need to do this at my store.  Their tone didn’t make it seem like they were trying to help.  Especially that one lady who told me, “Walmart has this cheaper than you.  HAH!”

7. “Try to return products which have been damaged by misuse”.  Ugh!  Someone in my store sold a brand new, sealed copy of Hit Zone 2 to a lady whose kids clearly used it as a skating rink.  When she returned it, she was furious!  “Do you always sell CDs that don’t work?” she asked me in a huff.  I said no, I’m really sorry, but we can exchange it for you.  Then I looked at the CD!  I had never seen a brand new CD that had been so quickly destroyed.  I did the exchange, but then I made her open up the new copy at the counter, inspect it, and sign her receipt saying she had seen the CD in perfect condition and it could not be returned.  She was just abusing the system.

8. “Spend half an hour browsing the when the store is trying to close.”  I can add my own note to this one: “And then leave without buying anything.”

10. “When they hand you a $50 or $100 bill, and while you’re checking it they say ‘I just made that myself’”.  I know you think you’re really original, coming up with that line, but half the people that hand me a $100 bill say it.  The other half got really pissed off when I said “We don’t take $100 bills.”  (We had a sign that said so at the counter.  One employee named Chris liked to say, “Don’t make me tap the sign again.”)

12. “Parents that allow their children to run rampant”.  This was one sure-fire way to ruin my day.  There’s nothing like watching a kid destroy your store, while the parent is browsing Limp Bizkit yelling, “Calm down!”  Obviously, the kid doesn’t calm down, and so he moves on to another section to destroy.  One youngster tore down my entire country section – put the whole thing in one gigantic pile on the floor.  The dad just said, “That’s not too bad, you’ll have that back together in no time.”  Thanks for the help.

14. “Complain about the prices. News flash, I don’t set the prices!”  Self-explanatory.  As manager I had the ability to offer you a discount.  However, being annoying and complaining constantly would not get you a discount.  Being polite would.  Turns out we gave very few discounts….

18. “You look like you need something to do.”  Usually said by someone carrying in a box of 400 CDs for sale, which will take me the rest of the morning to look at.  Thanks for the joke asshole, and so help me God you better not have more Limp Kizkit in here.

20. “So that means it’s free, right?”  That was probably funny the very first time somebody said it, when a price tag fell off the item they were buying.  Probably.  But that was also probably in ancient Greece and it hasn’t been funny since!

#415: B-Cards

BCARD

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#415: B-Cards

One of the least practical formats that I saw during the Record Store Days was the B-Card CD.  A B-Card is the same as a CD-ROM, and works on any standard CD-ROM player, but was the size and shape of a business card.  The idea was that business people could order B-Cards instead of regular business cards.  This would be a striking alternative, in tune with the tech-savvy 90’s.  It was a way to appear on the cutting edge.

A B-Card could hold up to 100 MB of data.  The disc was rectangular, about 90mm x 55mm, but with a circular silver CD portion in the center of the disc.  The readable part of the card was smaller than even a 3” CD single.  You could still encode anything you wanted on the disc, from audio to video to slideshows and text.  Instead of handing someone a business card with your phone number on it, you could give them a card with that and a visual presentation of whatever you were selling.  From that point of view, it was a pretty inventive idea.

Where the B-Card failed was physical storage.  As any music fan knows, CDs scratch up very easily, especially when in physical contact with another material.  Plastic sleeves were the worst.  Nothing scratched plastic discs worse than plastic sleeves.  And guess what B-Cards often came packaged in?  Plastic sleeves.  There were larger plastic cases available, hinged to open and protect your precious B-Card, but nobody carried them because they were too thick for a wallet.

Lord of the Rings “Gollum” B-Card CD-ROM

I had one business man come into the Record Store with a scuffed up B-Card that no longer worked.  He asked me to fix it for him, but I could see easily with just a quick glance that it wouldn’t be possible.  The plastic sleeve had worn off the protective top layer of the CD in spots, creating massive top-scratches and pinholes.  When that happens, there’s nothing for the laser to read and it comes up with errors or skips.  He was very unhappy that his B-Card was toast.

I explained to him that it was the plastic sleeve itself that had ruined the card.  This did not make him happy.  I showed him how a CD should be properly stored (in a protective jewel case) and his response was “I’m not going to carry that around in my pocket!”  That was the first major flaw with the format.  It was small and portable, but not easy to keep safe without bulking up with a proper case.

The other problem with B-Cards was the rectangular shape.   This unusual shape meant that it might encounter problems being played.  The weight of the disc wasn’t evenly distributed.  You could not play them in many tray or slot-based readers.  They were the same idea as a shaped CD, which were popular novelty items at the time.  These came with warnings that they could not be played in all players due to the shape, and the ominous message that the manufacturer would not be responsible for any damaged equipment.

I’m glad that B-Cards have gone the way of the Dodo.  My mikeladano.com cards are printed on regular paper – and that’s fine by me!

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#410: Doing it Right

Christmas

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#410: Doing it Right

I’ve complained about the way I was treated toward the end of the Record Store Days, but that was a small part of my life there.  In the beginning before we grew too big for our britches, it was a wonderful place to be.   There were a lot of things we did right, and there are hundreds of great memories of that era.

What did we do right, or differently, to make it so special for us?

  1. No uniforms! I remember the staff at HMV had these ugly shirts they had to wear.   We had plain T-shirts with a logo, which were optional most of the time.
  2. A better listening selection. Although the rules about this got more restrictive later on, back then we could listen to pretty much any one of the thousands of used CDs we had in stock.  Big chain stores at the time had less flexibility in their playlists.
  3. I felt a real “all for one, one for all” attitude.  It was inclusive.  I felt like we were the up-and-comers, underdogs ready to take on the big record stores.  Management were excellent at sowing this kind of feeling, that we were all on the same team even if we worked at different stores.  When the owner took a step back and let others run the show, the feeling of camaraderie changed into a feeling of exclusion.  Nothing lasts forever, but I felt much more job satisfaction when I felt like I was contributing to a real team.
  4. Rewarding the staff.   We had an annual Christmas party, and an annual summer house party.  These were epic.  “Time to release the hatch!”  As a store manager, I always did my best to reward my own staff, by buying them CDs that they wanted.  I did this voluntarily with my own cash because that’s the kind of manager I tried to be.
  5. The owner was willing to help out.  I remember him saying in a newspaper interview that he “still washed the windows sometimes.”  While I never saw him wash the windows, he was always willing to jump behind the counter when we were busy.  This continued even into my last year.
  6. People power. I don’t know if anything is more important in the workplace than the quality of the people you work with.  Work is a second home.  In some cases you spend more time with your co-workers than your family.  Both the owner and his people were very good at hiring excellent staff.  There will always be a certain percentage of bad apples and people who don’t work out, but I had the privilege of working with some of the best.  I feel genuinely blessed to have the experience of knowing and working side by side with these unique folk

I’ve somehow managed to find great places to work with amazing people.  Today I work with another completely different crew, and each and every one of them is awesome.  I’ve never seen a more diverse bunch and that keeps it fun and interesting every day!