Record Store Tales

WTF Search Terms: CODA – Part 69: Porn Don’t Go Platinum

CODA

RECORD STORE TALES PART 69: Β Porn Don’t Go Platinum

Back in June, I posted an old story calledΒ Porn Don’t Go Platinum. Β It was part 69, and how could I resist posting a story about a time that porn came into our stores? Β It didn’t happen often. Β Probably less than five times in my experience. Β People didn’t get it; just because we bought and sold CD’s and DVD’s didn’t mean we bought and sold that kind. Β Nor did I want to touch somebody’s used porn movies.

Anyway I kind of assumed at the time that I’d start getting random hits forΒ GoogleΒ searches about porn. Β Which is what happened. Β Pretty much every day, I get hits for the following terms.

69 porn

real 69 porn

69porno kiss

Sometimes, throw this one in. Β Cheaper people, I’m assuming.

free 69 porn

That’s fine, whatever. Β Then I got this one. Β Go back and read the original post and you’ll see why:

missing teeth porn -old

But then I started noticing really weird ones. Β Here’s one for example:

japen lebrains for the first time fuck

If anybody can tell me what that means…don’t. Β I don’t wanna know.

 

Part 127: O-{+>

 

RECORD STORE TALES PART 127: Β O-{+>

Around the summer of 1998 or so, we just got the internet at home. Β I immediately found it to be an excellent source of both music purchases, but also music information. Β For example: Β I did not know that if you wanted to type out Prince’s symbol name using regular characters, you could just typeΒ O-{+>.

I’m not a fan ofΒ O-{+> although my cousin Geoff has seen him live a few times. Β I respect the man, and I respect his prolific output, big time. Β  But we were always sitting on tons of his stuff, some of it had been there for years. Β Not so much the hits, more like Emancipation.Β  Chaos and Disorder. Β The Gold Experience. Β Come.Β  They might be great albums — I don’t know. Β These discs had been there so long that their price tags were faded and had to be remade to be legible. Β And we had buckets of them.

Anyway, we had so many discs ofΒ O-{+> that he took up two rows. Β I decided for fun to re-make his header card with his symbol name instead of Prince. Β He wasn’t going by the name Prince at the time, justΒ O-{+>. Β A lot of people would come into the store and ask about his name change. Β “What does it mean?” Β “Has he gone crazy?” Β It was a conversation starter. Β  Seemed like a harmless enough thing to do.

I came in one day and I noticed the header cards were changed back. Β I asked the girl who was working, what happened to the ones I made?

“Oh, I meant to tell you. Β [Head office person] was in and she saw them and changed them back.”

Figures. Β We literally could not do anything different. Β It sucked. Β When I talked to that person later that day, I asked why she changed the header cards?

“Because we have a hard enough time trying to sell Prince as it is! Β Why make it harder to find it on the shelves?”

Well…no offence, you obviously know better than I do…but I would think the two rows full of his discs filed under “P” with his face on them would be the first easiest way to notice his Royal Highess! Β Trust me…finding O-{+>Β wasn’t the problem. Β Nobody wanted those discs once they found them!

Part 125: Syphon Remix (It’s T-Rev Appreciation Day…Again!)

RECORD STORE TALES PART 125: Β Syphon Remix

(It’s T-Rev Appreciation Day…Again!)

Trevor’s in the habit of texting me whenever he sees something that I may want. Β Which is more often than I can afford, as it happens, so I have to pick and choose! Β I justΒ receivedΒ another box of goodies from T-Rev last week. Β Inside I found the contents below:

Β  Β  Β 

Β  Β  Β 

Gotta love picture discs eh? Β I’ll never play that Ozzy EP (all songs are also on his Prince of Darkness box set) but it sure looks cool. Β (Look at Jake E. Lee! Β Oh, Jake.) Β Didn’t even know it existed. Β That Grim Reaper one, I’d never seen the album cover before. Β Never even knew what it looked like! Β Sure love that title track though. Β And I’m well on record for loving the Rage For Order LP by Queensryche!

Also in the box was a rare 12″ single by Kim Mitchell. Β You know, the guy who teased your brains with Max Webster, and then your taste buds with “Go For Soda”.

Trev and I are both Kim and Max fans, but undoubtedly he’s the bigger fan than I am. Β So it was with utmost gratitude that I accept this record: Β “Go For Soda (Syphon Remix)” / “Love Ties”. Β This was from his own personal collection. Β As far as I know, neither of us have seen another copy. Β  I spoke to my buddy,Β that guy Craig Fee who works at that radio station Dave FM, and he’d never heard of it, let alone encountered it in his vast travels.

Anyway, Trev found this one, back in the record store days! Β I don’t know when or where but maybe he’ll pop in with hisΒ remembrances! Β But this is the kind of thing we lived for. Β Finding something rare, cool, and previously unknown.

There’s no credit for who did the remix, essentially an extended version. Β The song has a different intro and is beefed up from 3:26 to 4:59. Β It’s a UK import, from Bronze records. Β Mitchell’s stuff is released by Anthem over here in North America. Β Bronze released Motorhead and Girlschool records in the 1970’s, I wonder if theyΒ commissionedΒ this remix themselves.

So thanks Trev for another treasure. Β  This is the kind of thing that Trev was prone to finding. Β I recall he had an etched Megadeth picture disc, and he also somehow scored me a double Bon Jovi 12″ single with 3 rare live tracks.

Must be the keen eye of a skilled Record Store Guy! Β I salute you sir.

Part 124: Design

RECORD STORE TALES PART 124:Β  Design

I was so excited when I got my own store to manage. Β It was bigger, loads of room for stock, with 6 CD players for customers to preview discs before they bought. Β In addition, for the first time I had a small back room to put stuff in.

Yet, the design of the store left something to be desired.Β  One complaint I got was that our shelves were hard to get at. Β They went right from the floor straight up to eye level. Β If you walk into a Sunrise or HMV today, you’d see all their shelves are pretty much at waist level, easy to see and easy to pick through.

So, you would get customers having to go right down to the floor to look at the lowest CDs. Β Sometimes they would sit on the floor. (I never would have wanted to sit on those carpets!) Β Sometimes they would just bend over, giving me the worst show of plumber butt you can imagine. Β I’m talking half-moons, crack and all.Β  I’ve seen a lot of bums in my decade-plus as a Record Store Guy.

On the flipside, some people had a hard time reaching the highest items, and we would have to get them down. Β Weirdly though, once established, this design pretty much carried on to future stores. Β They replaced the wood shelving with modular plastic shelving, which wasn’t nearly as good nor sturdy, but it was much cheaper.

The other thing that was extremely poorly designed was our counter. Β I wish I could estimate how long it was in total, but it was way too long.Β  And the cash register was dead center.Β  So, if somebody asked you to help them, you basically had to walk from the register to the end of the store to get out from behind the counter. Β It really discouraged interaction with customers.Β  A little exercise never hurt anyone, but it was just plain annoying. Β My first thought upon working there was, β€œCouldn’t they have put a gap in the counter maybeΒ 5 feet to my left?” Β I actually had it more than once, when a customer would ask me for help,Β and I would start to make my way around.Β Β He would say, β€œWhere are you going?”  I’m going way the hell over here just so I could get out!

Sometimes when in an empty store alone, I would just jump it!Β  I hated that counter.

The last thing I hated about our store design was that we had a little glass vestibule at the entrance.Β  I guess in theory, it was probably there for energy efficiency. Β So you’re not letting out all the hot air in the winter, and cool air conditioning in the summer. Β But all it did was get dirty, very very dirty.

One thing I learned:Β  People touch glass.Β  They don’t need a reason to touch it, they just do. Β That vestibule was dirty day after day after day and you could not keep it clean. Β If I cleaned it in the morning, it was filthy in the afternoon. Β People would smear greasy hands all over all glass surfaces, and kids would stick their faces to it.

In the winter, it was worse.Β  Mud would be splattered all over the glass, as people stomped the snow off their boots. Β The mat in the vestibule would get soaked in just one day, and never dry out because the vestibule was so cold in the winter.

And then, you’d get these surprise store inspections.Β Β You would see comments on them like, “Glass in front vestibule was disgusting.”

Well, no kidding! Β It’s always filthy! Β Even Mr. Clean couldn’t fix that vestibule!Β  If we hired a kid part time to clean it every 30 minutes, I would never have hadΒ a poor score on any store inspections!

Part 123 / NON-REVIEW: Iron Maiden – Missing Maidens! (Live!! +one and more)

Not really part of my series of Iron Maiden reviews.

There are a few Iron Maiden musical items that I’ll probably never own. Β I know I won’t own all the singles, but that’s OK —Β The First Ten YearsΒ set,Β andΒ the first 10 albums with bonus discsΒ takes care of those songs. Β There are rarer things to be discussed. Β As I pause betweenΒ Live After DeathΒ andΒ Somewhere In TimeΒ in my review series, this is a good time to talk about a couple items.

IRON MAIDEN – Live!! +one (EP, 1980 Japan, 1984 Greece reissue)

This four song EP was released in Japan shortly after the “Women In Uniform” single came out. Β It contains two songs from that single: Β the title track, and the live version of “Phantom of the Opera” from the Marquee.

It also contains two live songs not available anywhere else: Β “Sanctuary” and “Drifter” from the same Marquee show. Β They’re awesome of course, if you’ve heard the early live Di’Anno stuff that I talked about in my Maiden reviews, then you can imagine these are just as good. Β Di’Anno does his “yo, yo yo yo” thing on “Drifter”.

I have seen them go for around $100 on eBay. Β  This is definitely on my current “Holy Grail” list.

4/5 stars

IRON MAIDEN – Best of the Beast (1996 four-LP box set)

For this, I’m going to take a moment and slide into aΒ Record Store Tale because this is one of those moments that I wish I could change!

RECORD STORE TALES PART 123: Β Missing Maidens!

Trevor and IΒ frequented record showsΒ several times a year. Β On one such excursion, we were in a Dr. Disc store. Β It was in Hamilton, Ontario. Β That same visit, the same Dr. Disc store even had Chikara, a rare Japanese Kiss compilation, on CD. Β But I passed on that, and I passed on the vinyl edition of Best of the Beast, too….

You know those high shelves where they put the expensive items? Β And you have to ask someone to get it down for you? Β And they’d go to the back room and get a step ladder? Β That’s where Best of the Beast was.

Back then, information about such sets wasn’t readily available. Β I didn’t know it existed until I saw it. Β If I did, I would have known that the vinyl version had an exclusive live cut of “Revelations”…Β not the live version from Live After Death! Β This wasn’t immediately obvious from the back cover. Β It is only today that I know this!

Β 

The vinyl version had plenty more music as well, including album cuts such as “Where Eagles Dare” and “The Prisoner”. Β It also had the only official re-release ofΒ The Soundhouse TapesΒ ever, since the original 5000. Β  I had that bootleg copy of The Soundhouse Tapes and More so I deemed this to be a less essential purchase. Β Especially for the $200 that Dr. Disc was asking. Β But it was sealed, mint, brand new.

I recently saw one in questionable shape on eBay for $240. Β Some joker on Amazon is asking $900 for sealed copies right now.

So, right now, odds do not seem to be in my favour of lightning striking twice. Β I don’t know if I will ever have another chance to own this at a decent price in good condition. Β Alas. Β I wish I could turn back time!

Part 122: Death of an Icon

RECORD STORE TALES PART 122:Β  Death of an Icon

Because our internet access was blocked from the most useful sites, while at work you often had no idea what was happening in the outside world.Β  Sometimes your only clue was what customers were requesting.

For example, here’s a typical day of phone calls, when something really big has happened.

PHONE CALL #1:
“Do you have any George Harrison?”

PHONE CALL #2:Β 
“Do you guys have any Beatles or George Harrison solo?”

PHONE CALL #3:Β 
“Hi, I was wondering, do you have anything in stock by George Harrison?”

Us being primarily a used CD store, we would usually be cleaned out of that artist by the fourth call or so.

PHONE CALL #4:
“Hey, do you have George Harrison?”

At this point my curiousity would be peaked.

“Actually I just sold out about 10 minutes ago.Β  I’ve had so many requests for George and the Beatles today.Β  Has something happened?” I queried.

“Yeah, he died.Β  They just announced it on TV today.”

“Oh no!” I responded.Β  “The cancer got him?”

“Yeah,” came the answer.

That was a grim, depressing day.Β  The world had not lost a Beatle in over 20 years.Β  But November 29, 2001, we lost my favourite Beatle, George.Β  Unfortunately that’s howΒ I found out about most music deaths, by an abnormal amount of requests for that artist.Β  Those were rarely fun days.Β  We dutifully hung some George posters in our back room, and mourned the death of an icon.

Mrs. Lebrain’s favourite George song

Part 121: Movies

RECORD STORE TALES PART 121:Β  MOVIES

Β As a movie buff I was glad when one of our stores decided to carry VHS tapes!Β  My movie collection grew massively at the time.Β  I had access to lots of cool items, in widescreen format.Β  I bought virtually everything that we saw come in, if it was in widescreen format.Β  The staff, T-Rev in particular, knew to keep an eye out for widescreen movies for me.Β  This opened up a whole new retail world for us, for now we had customers that were not interested in music at all, just movies.Β  Of course movie knowledge now came into play, especially when customers would ask a question like, “Do you have that John Wayne movie where he’s after the outlaw guys?”

In 1998 or 1999, I bought my first DVD player.Β  We started carrying DVDs at that time as well.Β  That was exciting too.Β Β  A lot of people had been asking about them.

When they were still big, you could expect to pay $8.99 to $11.99 for a used VHS tape.Β  $5.99 if it was a cheapie bin special.Β  For DVDs, you might expect to pay $16.99 to $19.99 for a used one.Β  That was in the beginning, prices dropped quickly and within five years, DVDs were almost as cheap as CDs!Β  We even had laserdiscs, on the rare occasion that they came in.Β Β They were giant.Β  If you don’t remember what I’m talking about, here’sΒ a size comparison to a CD.

We learned right away though that handling DVDs was not the same as handling CDs!Β  Maybe the plastic they were made of was softer, because they scratched so much more easily than a CD, and the scratches were so much harder to remove.Β  This trouble was doubled with the 2-sided DVD discs.

Fixing a scratched double sided DVD was very, very difficult.Β  You could spend 5 minutes buffing the scratches out of one side, only to find that handling the disc put more scratches in the other side.Β  They were very tricky, and a lot of the DVD discs that we sold in the early days looked terrible, for that reason.Β  They would work fine on most players (most), but looked cloudy and streaky.Β  And a lot of our DVD customers were really, really picky.

Eventually the 2-sided discs became a lot less common.Β  In the meantime, we had to set up display spaces for DVDs, figured out how to store the discs themselves behind the counter without damaging them, and so on.Β  Even slight handling or dust could create problems.Β  Dusting the DVDs could often make them look worse, as the wiping left slight but visible scratches.

At first the selection was pretty poor.Β  Sony were giving away a number of titles for free with their players, so we had a lot of copies of Sphere, and The Negotiator.Β  Trade-ins started after a few months. Β We started seeing box sets, before they were really common, Criterion Editions, all kinds of stuff. Β It happened quick, our stock grew and grew….

…And so did my own personal collection!Β  Ain’t it the way?

Continued in Part 284: Β The Impact of Movies

Part 120: T-Rev Appreciation Day!

I was sitting here, trying to think of some new content to write.Β Β Then it hit me:Β  T-Rev Appreciation Day!Β Β 

RECORD STORE TALES PART 120:Β  T-Rev Appreciation Day!

T-Rev, a past contributor here at LeBrain’s Blog, is a man whom I owe a lot.Β  Not only is he one of the best buds I’ve ever had (sniff) but he’s also responsible for getting me so damn many of my treasures.Β  Directly responsible.Β  Like, I’m not talking about stuff like, “Mike, you really need to buy some Oasis, Max Webster, and Steve Earle.Β  Oh, and while you’re at it, the second Four Horsemen album is awesome!”Β 

He did, in fact, turn me onto all four of those things.Β  But I’m talking more about the kind of situation where a combination of his eagle eyes, musical knowledge, and friendship scored me some discs!

Here’s two:

QUEENSRYCHE – Road To Promised Land aka ARRIVED!

This 1995Β Β promo CDΒ is a neat little greatest hits, going chronologically from the first EP to the Promised Land album!Β  The only exclusive track is a radio edit of “Damaged” but Trevor saw this one and gave me a call.Β  He knew I loved Queensryche, especially since I was going to see them with Tom that summer.

DIAMOND HEAD – Lightning To The Nations (original mix!)

T-Rev and I were both Metallica fans, and were both aware that they had covered numerous Diamond Head songs.Β  This, like the Queensryche disc, came into Trevor’s store.Β  While I wouldn’t fault him for snagging this one for himself, he deemed it slightly out of the scope of his core collection.Β  I’m glad he did, because this disc rocks!Β  And this is the original “Lars Ulrich approved” mix of the album, ripped straight from the LP.Β  Most CD editions were remixed,Β and the master tapes are now lost.Β  So this is a real treat and hopefully I’ll get around to reviewing it.Β Β  15 tracks, from the album itself plus B-sides and so on.Β 

I raise a glass to Trevor, surely one of the finest Record Store Dudes to ever grace a cash register!Β  My memories, and my collection, would be poorer without you.

Β Β Β 

Part 119: Judas Is Rising In Hamilton, Ontario

RECORD STORE TALES PART 119: Judas Is Rising In Hamilton, Ontario

Feburary, 2005.Β  The week before Judas Priest’s new Angel of Retribution comeback album was about to drop.
Β 
I was on the road again, this time working in Hamilton Ontario.Β  I don’t remember the circumstances anymore.Β  Store after store, they all blended together.Β  I’m sure it was another staffing crisis, again.Β Β I dutifully hit the road to Hamilton and helped put out whatever fire was happening.Β  I do remember that in the chaos I had forgotten to do something at my home store, where I was also pulling double duty.Β  I remember catching shit for whatever it was, while unwrapping those shiny new awesome Priest discs.

The burden of sin echoes the prophecy
Ascending from Hell, forever despising
Judas is rising

Β 
I remember thatΒ the store was really bad shape, really badly organized.Β Β Albums were everywhere, just filed carelessly, and a lot had gotten lost somewhere in the netherworld of obscure genres.Β  Cases had gone missing, but so had ther actual CD’s behind the counter.Β  So to keep me busy, there was a list of missing discs and sections toΒ organize.Β 

There was plenty of time to do this.Β  I don’t know how that store stayed in business,Β because the days that I spent there were really slow.Β  I remember playing almost an entire CD of the Mr. Bergis prank phone calls while I organized sections, because over an hour had passed before the last soul walked through my doors!Β  Not including me, as I went out to my car to get the CD.

Lunch time wasn’t too bad, as a lot of surprisingly polite highschool kids frequented the store at lunch.Β  They didn’t buy a lot, but they were pleasant enough and it was better than picking my nose.Β  That was refreshing, most highschool kids at my home store were pricks.

Β 
White bolts of lightning
Came out of nowhere
Blinded the darkness
Created the storm

It was pretty much just the kids that were tolerable.Β  The adults,Β not so much!Β Β I remember opening up one morning and the first people in were selling a large box of discs.Β  They were a pain in the ass.Β  Everything I did was, “Oh, the regular person does it another way,” or “The regular person pays more for that one,” or “The regular person doesn’t ask me for ID.”Β 

It sucked being an irregular person!
Β 
There was alsoΒ this oneΒ fellow looking for a Christmas song by the Eagles.Β  I knew this was on their recent box set, which I verified on Allmusic and told him.Β  I didn’t have a copy of the box set, since we were a used CD store and nobody had traded one in, which I explained to him.
Β 
“No problem, I don’t want to buy it.Β  I just want to hear it.Β  Can you play it?”
Β 
Unfortunately in 2005 that wasn’t possible, not with the computers we had, and any websites that would have allowed me to play music were blocked anyway.Β  Upper management was more worried about staff sitting there mucking around on the internet, than being able to play a song sample for customers.
Β 
“You can’t play it for me?Β  Seriously?Β  That’s useless!” said the nice man, as he walked out.

Forged out of flame from chaos to destiny
Bringer of pain, forever undying
Judas is rising

All told, Hamilton was another “fun” and “exciting” road trip for me.Β  The only good thing that happened was the chance to play the new Priest in store.Β  Not only was there no upper management to tell me to turn it off, but it wasn’t even out yet.Β  Sneak preview for my ears only, in an empty store, private audience of one!Β Β Judas is rising indeed!