porn

#729.2: Uncle Meat Destroys 2018!

Man of few words, but many lists:  Uncle Meat presents his top movies, albums, and disappointments of 2018!

 


TOP 10 MOVIES

1. Bohemian Rhapsody
2. The Ballad of Buster Scruggs
3. Mandy
4. A Futile and Stupid Gesture
5. Avengers: Infinity War
6. BlacKKKlansman
7. A Star is Born
8. Solo
9. Ant-Man and the Wasp
10. Black Panther

* LeBrain’s comment:  I’m pleased to see the MCU and Coens make strong showings here, but Solo surprises me.


TOP 10 ALBUMS

1. The Wake – Voivod
2. Used Future – The Sword
3. The Tree of Forgiveness – John Prine
4. The Sciences – Sleep
5. Town Burned Down – Adam’s House Cat
6. The Wolf Bites Back – Orange Goblin
7. Mankind Woman – Brant Bjork
8. Our Raw Heart – YOB
9. Spaceman – Ace Frehley
10. Triumphant Hearts – Jason Becker

 


DISAPPOINTMENTS OF 2018

1. Tenacious D – Post Apocalyptico (Both the animated show and album)
2. Kiss completely playing to tracks live
3. Troy Tulowitzki
4. LeBrain’s Porn Debut

* You can’t please everybody!

WTF Search Terms: Bonus edition

Randy hires his replacement

WTF Search Terms XXIII: Bonus edition

More? More in one day? Seriously?

Yes more!

is gene simmons a wanker? (Yes.)

PISS OPEN

what do you use coleman biowipes for (Your ass, what do you think?)

intestines used as rope

dance ass mouvie

uria budi xey pron photo

i fucked tawny roberts

are randy and the new assistant supervisor in season 8 related? (No, they’re banging.)

trailer park boys rachael ray season 8 (One of these things is not like the other.)

who came first who s better david lee roth or sammy hagar (You get outta here right now.)

See ya around for more WTF Search Terms!

DLRSAMMY

GUEST WTF Search Terms: Fan Favorites – Thussy Edition

Happy Friday, everyone.  WTF Search Terms is a series in which I reveal actual search terms that somehow led real people to mikeladano.com.  This time I asked my buddy Chris to pick 10 of his favourites from the pile, which he did — along with his own commentary.  Enjoy!

For the last installment of WTF Search Terms, Unsolved Mysteries edition, click here!
For more shits n’ giggles, check out WTF Comments, too!

SWAYZE

WTF Search Terms XV: Fan Favorites – Thussy Edition

Lebrain has wanted me to collaborate with him for a while, and I am no writer, so we decided to do a WTF Search Terms. He sent me a big list of weird search terms, and all I can say is a lot of people looking for porn found Lebrain’s blog. Also, no one can spell anymore.  So, keep reading below to find out my top ten WTF Search Terms!

10. google videos jethu tull too juong old to rock and roll and too juomg to died

“Me fail English? That’s un-possible!”

ME FAIL

9. boobsy animation whores wearing glasses acquire screwed hardcore 4 full animation

Someone was looking for some very specific porn, and ran into Lebrain.

8. toronto shemales tumblr

“If the girl did something to you but you didn’t do it back then you didn’t really do anything.”

7. videos da bada white snack

I had to include this one, because it apparently got 9 hits! Why?

6. oshawa women that like to fuck

Local easy girls, for when hookers are too expensive.

5. marilyn manson without ribs

Even I know that rumour isn’t true.

4. (Three-in-one!)
a. queensryche queensryche eyes of the strangers japan bonus
b. queensryche queensryche eye of the strangers japan import
c. queensrycheeye of the strangers japan bonus youtube

Japanese imports are very expensive.

3. sequined bathrobe

I think Lebrain has one of these.

2. poop in the shower guy

I remember when Lebrain first told me this story, still don’t understand why you would do that.

1. trailer park boys model train rod stewart

Where does Rod Stewart fit into this? “You know what, Patrick Swayze uses illegal parts. That is why he’s winning all the time.”

 

WTF Search Terms: McGangBang edition

Kyle makes a McGangBang sandwich. One Junior Chicken + one McDouble and some assembly required.

WTF Search Terms XIII:  McGangBang edition

Welcome to WTF Search Terms on your Monday morning.  There seems to be a clear forerunner in search terms that lead people to mikeladano.com this time:  dirty things!

    1. porn video lebrani gay
    2. wwwsexvedia.google.com
    3. sineplex sex mouvie
    4. cum disgrace
    5. www. fuk sexcom
    6. raging shemale tumblr
    7. top 10 classic japan porn. 1990
    8. flashing tits, san diego, 2013
    9. b cock.com
    10. tits añd sd
    11. don’t go alone porn
    12. that is my jovy,, i’m voyeur
    13. sex lebrain
    14. rio warner fetish
    15. hande sex starpicture
    16. german leather ass
    17. painvexen.com
    18. fuaking gali
    19. douche tales
    20. ane budi fuk me eyse le sexy store

If you liked this, you may also enjoy:  WTF Search Terms XI: Health & Safety edition

MCGANG BANG

WTF Search Terms: Top ten edition

WTF Search Terms IX:  Top ten edition

I thought I would do something a little less hilarious this time, and more just…I dunno…interesting enough to read over a coffee?  Sure, let’s go with that.  Today I thought I would share with you my top ten search terms since I started in March 2012.  All of these people ended up at my site.  Counting up (what the hell eh?) from 1 to 10, here’s the most popular search terms at mikeladano.com.  Note that some of them are essentially duplicates, too.

        1. paul stanley voice problems
        2. marillion radiation 2013
        3. paul stanley voice
        4. queensryche redemption
        5. 69porn
        6. paul stanley’s voice
        7. kisstory book
        8. black sabbath paranoid deluxe edition
        9. queensryche split
        10. mike ladano

I MADE THE TOP TEN!  High five!

Missed the last, much funnier installment of WTF?  Click here!

LeBrain as Paul

LeBrain as Paul

Part 229: Silent Knight

RECORD STORE TALES Part 229:  Silent Knight

In a previous chapter, I talked about my early online presence in 1994.  Before creating our original online ads, I got an early start to writing reviews.  The early reviews weren’t very good, but I definitely tried.  Unfortunately back then, there wasn’t much of an online audience for reading reviews of rare Motley Crue EPs!

I did make contact with a few other music fans and collectors in the area.  One guy went by the online handle of “Silent Knight”, named after the classic 1980 Saga album.  He seemed like a nice enough guy, although I soon learned that looks can be deceiving!  He had a party at his house that I went to, and it was cool.  I overlooked the fact that he was in his 30’s living in his parents’ house.  I also overlooked his absolutely massive collection of porno videos, adorning one whole wall of their living room.

IMG_00000590I was more interested in his record collection.  He had a great collection including some that I wanted.  He invited me over for a recording session, where he taped me the classic Brian May & Friends EP, Star Fleet Project.  (Unfortunately the blank tape that I chose was shite and the recording unlistenable.)  I also recorded from him some Glass Tiger B-sides for my sister, Black Sabbath’s Seventh Star, and the immortal “Rodeo Song” by Showdown.

Silent Knight and I had a falling out after that.  He made some intolerant and inexcusable comments about various types of people.  I decided to cut him loose, as I didn’t need that kind of negative personality in my circle of friends.

Months and months later, some time in ’95, I started getting emails from somebody else new to the online world, but having learned my lesson I kept my distance.  Later he asked me an odd question.  “Hey, I heard you totally called the cops on somebody else that posts on these boards!  That’s cool man!  Who was it?”

I told him that he must have me confused with somebody else.  Then he revealed himself to be none other than Silent Knight under another handle!  Apparently, someone had called the cops on him regarding his Wall O’ Porn.  I don’t know any details about what he had in the Wall O’ Porn (I really was not interested in checking out somebody’s porn collection) so I have no idea for what reason the cops would have been called, or by whom.  He said I was his only “enemy” who had seen his collection, therefore I was his number one suspect for ratting him out to the cops.  He was trying to get me to confess!

After I got over his baffling behaviour, my fury set in.  I told him to leave me alone or someone would definitely be calling the cops.  I blocked him on every email I had and never heard from him again.

And just a few weeks ago, I finally got a proper listenable copy of Star Fleet Project on vinyl.  Suck on it, Silent Knight!

 

Look for a review of Brian May & Friends’ Star Fleet Project coming soon.

CODA – Part 69: Porn Don’t Go Platinum

CODA

RECORD STORE TALES PART 69:  Porn Don’t Go Platinum

Back in June, I posted an old story called Porn Don’t Go Platinum.  It was part 69, and how could I resist posting a story about a time that porn came into our stores?  It didn’t happen often.  Probably less than five times in my experience.  People didn’t get it; just because we bought and sold CD’s and DVD’s didn’t mean we bought and sold that kind.  Nor did I want to touch somebody’s used porn movies.

Anyway I kind of assumed at the time that I’d start getting random hits for Google searches about porn.  Which is what happened.  Pretty much every day, I get hits for the following terms.

69 porn

real 69 porn

69porno kiss

Sometimes, throw this one in.  Cheaper people, I’m assuming.

free 69 porn

That’s fine, whatever.  Then I got this one.  Go back and read the original post and you’ll see why:

missing teeth porn -old

But then I started noticing really weird ones.  Here’s one for example:

japen lebrains for the first time fuck

If anybody can tell me what that means…don’t.  I don’t wanna know.

Part 69: Porn Don’t Go Platinum

RECORD STORE TALES PART 69:  Porn Don’t Go Platinum

Yeah, it happened.  Every once in a while, someone would try to sell porn to us.  Us, a mainstream, family-oriented used CD store.

On one ocassion which, sadly, I was not there to witness, I was told that the video in question was anime “robot porn”.  I don’t know what that really means, in terms of, what you will see on the video screen.  However that description alone was enough to politely turn down the video in question.

Another time, some porn came into Trevor’s store.  Trevor declined it, but the customer left it behind anyway.  At the time, Trev and I were roomates.  We were renting this shitty basement apartment.  Good times for sure, but the hallways of the building always smelled like fish.

I went to the cottage one weekend, and Trev surprised me upon my return.  Upon my bed was that porn tape.  He wasn’t home, so I decided, “What the hell?”  I removed the tape from its cardboard shell, placed in the VCR, and washed my hands.  I thought, “I wonder what kind of porn our clientiele are into?”  The store was in Cambridge so I expected the quality to be less than stellar.

Well, what I saw horrified me.  This chick with missing teeth, going at it with four dudes, with the cheesiest piano music in the background, like John Tesh cheesey.  I couldn’t handle the missing teeth though, they were so friggin’ gross…

So:  Apparently, according to a survey of one, people in Cambridge watch toothless cheesey porn with John Tesh sounding music in the background.  Way to go Cambridge!