WTF

WTF Search Terms: Chicken Skin edition

WTF SEARCH TERMS XLIV: Chicken Skin edition

Happy Friday!  WTF Search Terms are those weird words that you typed into a search engine to get here.  No overall theme this time, just a collection of shit that is:  A) weird stuff to google, and B) amusing that it led people here.  Please enjoy!


 

  • alien yoi hold i’ll fuck it. bon jovi slippery when

Yes that’s all one search term.  I actually have no commentary on this!

  • julian “chicken skin” trailer park
  • trailer park boys remake rush music video

This one I can explain!  The second inclusion isn’t really a “WTF”, but it does help explain the first one.  Trailer Park Boys’ Live in Dublin special featured them attempting to remake “Closer to the Heart” by Rush.  In order to replicate Neil Peart’s fu manchu moustache, Julian taped a piece of chicken skin to his chin.

  • tell me your favorite video game or i’ll eat your soul

That’s a tad harsh.  I assume the “I’ll eat your soul” part matched to a Tencious D lyric from the song “Tribute”.  Oh, and Super Mario 3.

  • nkotb face the music underrated

HAHAHAHA.  No.  No.  Heh.  No.  But this did link up to my first April Fool’s review.

  • critique essay over xmas special trailer park boys

I find this amusing because they used the word “essay” and that word has never been used on anything to do with Trailer Park Boys before.

  • jeff bezos new girl

I bought a lot of stuff from Amazon, but I wouldn’t know who Bezos is dating.  Not me that’s for sure.

  • all right saratoga springs, you wanted the best, you got the best, the hottest

Very specific!  This Kiss fan might be looking for a bootleg from Saratoga Springs, New York?

  • boobsy_animation_whores_wearing_glasses_acquire_screwed_hardcore_ site:mikeladano.com

An old classic, the Boobsy Animation Whores (wearing glasses acquire screwed hardcore) have been getting hits here since day one.  They’ve made the WTF list so many times that my site is now associated with them.  Go me?

  • lick my penis

Heheh.  I know why this got hits. Thanks Uncle Meat.

And finally I had to save this one for last.  Any Trekkies out there?  Any fans of Lieutenant Ash Tyler?  Don’t Google this.

  • shazad latif nude

I didn’t find him naked, but I did find a guy who looked like him sitting on the toilet.  You’re welcome.  Now you don’t have to look.

Come back for more WTF Search Terms on a web-enabled device near you!

Shazad Latif as Lt. Tyler

WTF Search Terms: More Sexy than Sexy edition

WTF SEARCH TERMS XLIII:  More Sexy than Sexy edition

It’s Friday so it’s time for some funny.

WTF Search Terms are those weird words that you typed into a search engine to get here.  Most of the time, people were searching for sex.  From penis pumps to the genitalia of the lead singer of Queen, here are the latest and greatest WTFs!


  • swedish penis pump for sail
  • austin powers enlarge your penis

When I wrote Record Store Tales Part 266, about a novelty “penis pump” that I was given by co-workers, I never expected the hits to keep rolling in.  And…”sail”?

  • vhs porn call for bang

None here, but in Record Store Tales Part 69 (obviously), a porn tape did show up at the store.

  • how big was freddie mercurys cock

This is a question you’re going to have to keep on googling because I do not know or care.

  • is joshua kiszka bi

Greta Van Fleet’s singer?  Don’t know, irrelevant question.

  • japanxxx.dere.fere

I know it’s dirty because xxx is in there.

  • hookers

Possibly linking up to a review for Trailer Park Boys Season 8.

  • calf suck dick

No idea.

  • mary wiseman ass

Multiple searches here.  Mary Wiseman plays the character of Sylvia Tilly on Star Trek: Discovery.  And sadly this is not the first time Mary’s derriere has made this list.

  • english lebrain sex story

My best guess is that some people think “lesbian” is spelled “lebrain”.  Otherwise I’m curious.  I’d like to read this story myself!

  • /de/video/182513/three-teen-striptease-on-webcam

This is now the second time this one has made the list.  How.  The fuck.  Does THAT lead HERE??

See ya next time for more WTFs.

 

WTF Search Terms: Snake the Tattoo Man edition

WTF SEARCH TERMS XLII: Snake the Tattoo Man edition

It has been six months since the last WTF Search Terms, and in that time, search terms have been dominated by the one and only Snake the Tattoo Man.

Snake is a character I encountered back in the Record Store days, as recounted in Record Store Tales Part 118:  Famous Persons.  There are three main things Snake is known for:

  1. Getting over 90% of his body tattooed.
  2. Being a guest on the Phil Donahue show because of discrimination against his tattoos.
  3. Subsequently starring in the Helix music video for “Running Wild in the 21st Century”.

People have been doing as lot of searching for Snake in 2019.  They don’t always get the video right (Helix), or the TV show (Donahue) or the city (London).  But they sure do wanna do see the Snake!  I’ve highlighted some of the funniest mistakes.

  • aerosmith video featuring snake tattoo man
  • bill also known as snake lots of tattoos from st thomas ont that was in a movie and on montel show around 1991-2000
  • pictures of a guy named snake in london ontario with tatoos
  • pictures of snake the tattoo man london ontario
  • image of snake the tattoed man from london on
  • snake london ontario
  • snake london ontario tattoo
  • snake tatto man
  • snake the tatto man
  • snake from london ontario
  • snake man covered in tattoos
  • london ontario snake guy
  • brantford man named bill fully tattooed
  • snake’s first claim to fame was appearing on the phil donahue show
  • helix what was snake mans tattoos real name he is from london ont
  • phil donahue with snake man tattoo guy london ont

Learn more about Snake in the MuchMusic interview below, taken from my personal collection!

 

WTF Comments: Prisoners in Max’s Paradise edition

You gotta give Max [not The Axe, as far as we know] credit for this scorcher.  We don’t agree on Prisoners in Paradise by Europe, and that’s OK.  I was harsh on the album so Max was harsh on me.

I don’t know what the fuck this reviewer got stuck in his ears; a dead cat!?

Good one for sure.  Max goes on:

He complains about some songs being “pop” songs. Well what the fuck do you think this band is, Metallica??

Of course not, Max.  But have you heard of this album called Europe, by the band Europe?  Not a pop record, bud.  Not a pop record.

I don’t care. I like ’em. 

That’s cool Max.  I like ’em too.  Cool yer jets, bro!

For Max’s full comment click here.  Thanks for reading, anyway!

WTF Comments: Disqualified Forever edition

All I ever wanted to do is write rock reviews!  But I can’t anymore, because I’ve been “Disqualified Forever” by “WASPfan”…at least as far as Motley Crue goes.  This is a real shame since I haven’t reviewed Dr. Feelgood yet.  I guess now I never will?

What got me disqualified?  My review of Motley Crue’s awesome 1994 album with John Corabi.  WASPfan prefers Vince Neil’s solo debut Exposed, which is fine since it’s also a great album.  My scores for both are only half a star apart.  Read on!

You have got to be kidding me! Vince Neil/Exposed was a much better album than Motley Crue/Motley Crue. I’ve owned this album for 20 years and have yet to be able to get through it in one listen. Is there some good music, yes. But you can almost hear the impersonation of Vince Neil the way certain songs are sung.

Dude, Vince Neil couldn’t sing the way Corabi sings on Motley Crue if he had a voice transplant.  There is simply no comparison between the two singers, at all.  Apples and oranges!

I have always thought the Crue should re-record this with Vince on vocals, just to show people what could have been. Motley Crue thought they could pull a Van Halen, and the fact is they couldn’t. They got a singer who’s defining moment in Metal History will be failing at replacing Vince Neil, and this comes from someone who owned, and loved, The Scream album before Corabi ever joined the Crue.

Hey man, be nice.  Corabi was also in Ratt.

If Corabi had “it” he wouldn’t be on tour right now with the gimic [sic] of singing the Motley Crue/Motley Crue album from start to finish. He’d be headlining in his own band, singing his own songs. This album, while good musically, barely rates 3 out of 5 stars. To put Theatre of Pain and Girls, Girls, Girls below this album should disqualify your opinion on all things Motley now and forever.

Now that I have been disqualified, I plan on taking up a new hobby.  Visit me here for all the latest on nude cycling, coming soon!

WTF Search Terms: Another Guest Thussy edition

WTF SEARCH TERMS XLI: Another Guest Thussy edition

Thussy here again, with another instalment of WTF Search Terms. We’ve got a mixed bag of crap people type in and somehow wound up on Lebrain’s blog. So in no particular order, here is my top 10.

1. kiss ladano hotter

I wouldn’t want to kiss Lebrain. He does have a hot sister though.

2. english lebrain sex story

I don’t want to know any of Lebrain’s sex stories.

3. calf suck dick

I’ve bottle fed calves. They bite your fingers hard when you’re feeding them. I would suggest keeping your dick far away from them unless you want a cheap sex change.

4. 60 year olds men

Yes Lebrain looks like a 60 year old man.

5. i would like to hear a song on the cults weapon of choice album

Good for you if you want to read a review on the album you’re in the right place. If you want to hear it go to your local record store and purchase the album. That is the best way to listen to it.

6. snake game for 5.1version

How in the hell does this get them to Lebrain’s blog?

7. turn into pump

See above. On top of that what the hell are you looking for?

8. presinor in paradies song

Webster’s dictionary is available on the app store, download it… use it… love it… spell better.

9. /de/video/182513/three-teen-striptease-on-webcam

I’m guessing PornHub has many videos of this nature.

10. bruce dickinson screaming into pillow

I don’t have him screaming into a pillow but I do have his top 10 screams so here it is.

 

Thanks Thussy for another great list!

WTF Search Terms: Lars Ulrich Trout (Thunder Bay) edition

WTF SEARCH TERMS XL: Lars Ulrich Trout (Thunder Bay) edition

It’s that time again…the 40th time in fact!  It’s those “WTF” search terms that somehow brought people to this site.  Let’s skip the chatter and get to the weird.

  • lars ulrich trout warrant thunder bay ontario

I had to ask Thunder Bay’s hardest rocker, Deke Dekerson, if he could possible explain this one.  He had no idea.  Warrant did open for Metallica in 1990, and our own Uncle Meat has written about it.  There were no dates in Thunder Bay, and I don’t want to know what Lars was doing with a trout.

  • gene simmons vault is stupid

Well, I don’t know about that!  He’s having no problem selling it.  The only thing “stupid” about Vault is that there is no pricing affordable to regular people.

This is a great question!

  • ten game0f galishow

Nooo idea.

  • styx equinox bakelit lemez

You lost me.

  • give me any diolock

I’m not giving you squat!  I think this guy was looking for Lock up the Wolves by Dio?  He could also have been searching for “dicklock“.

  • coverdale page 4cd tour edition box set

Definitely in the “wishful thinking” category.  There wasn’t really such thing as “tour editions” back in 1993, and sadly all you can get to this day is the standard single CD of Coverdale-Page.

  • the swedish penis enlargement pump and me (this definitely is my thing, baby)” by austin d. powers

I admire the amount of effort this person went to, to be as specific as possible.

  • liam payne chenine lozano midnight memories def leppard copyright infringement

I tuned out after reading “Liam Payne”.  The fuck does he have to do with Def Leppard?  I don’t care enough to look.

  • how to work in a record store

You came to the right place, friend!  The one and only and original Record Store Tales can be found right here!

 

 

WTF Search Terms: jeff vwcj edition

WTF SEARCH TERMS XXXIX:   jeff vwcj edition

It’s time for 10 more WTF Search Terms!  WTF Search Terms are those weird and wacky things that people typed into search engines to get here.  This instalment is a mixed bag, some of which I can explain and some I cannot!

 

1. is jeff vwcj bliw vy blow valuable

This person, with fingers too large for their phone, is asking if Jeff Beck’s Blow By Blow album is valuable.  Would you have figured it out?

2. what year did ozzy do the randy rhodes tribute tour

A reasonable question — except there was no such “tribute” tour.  The Randy Rhoads Tribute live album came out in 1987 and there was no tour to support it.  It was recorded on 1982’s Diary of a Madman tour.

3. has bret michaels and richie kotzen made up

Again, a minor detail is wrong here — Richie Kotzen had an affair with Rikki Rockett’s fiance, not Bret’s.  And I doubt they have spoken since!

4. gucci gang song, rhetorical analysis

You’re in luck!  I already did a lyrical analysis of this Lil’ Pump hit song.  There wasn’t much to analyse in “Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang.”

It’s all downhill from here, though.  A series of dirty searches from dirty minds make up the remainder:

5. mary wiseman ass

Mary Wiseman is one of the cast members on the new Star Trek.  No pictures of her ass here, sorry.

6. xxx kissing videos in hd bluray

Wait…xxx kissing videos?  Xxx rated videos of people kissing?  Just trying to understand, here.  Glad you’re onto HD though….

7. fuaking juniar

It just sounds dirty.

8. amanda seyfried feet porn

Jesus not again!?  This is the second time!  Well, here is the picture you like, one more time:

9. new boys fucking

Gross.

10. bigbas porn

It’s all about the bass? I dunno. I’m reaching here!

WTF Comments: Discovery of the Lemming edition

Star Trek: Discovery is a controversial series.  Reviews have been very mixed, and fans are split.

Before reviewing, I watched every Discovery episode twice.  Even three times for some.  My review is rather positive3.5/5 stars — and hopeful for the future of the show.  Discovery is not perfect.  Not only is there room for improvement, but things that simply must improve.  But Star Trek has a history of poor first seasons.  Remember The Next Generation in 1987?  Nobody liked Next Generation best in 1987.  It had a rough, rough start.

My review received lots of great comments.  Nobody agreed with my full assessment, just bits and pieces here and there, but comments were helpful and completely relevant.

All but one!  Enjoy this WTF Comment from Dick Dirk.  

He blocked me shortly after.

In the words of William Shatner, “It’s just a TV show!  Get a life!”

WTF Search Terms: Surströmming edition

WTF SEARCH TERMS XXXVIII:  Surströmming edition

Heyo, LeBrainiacs!  It’s time for more WTF Search Terms, those weird and wacky things that people typed into search engines to bring them here.  I’ve gathered 10 more for your enjoyment.

People often search for “naked lebrains”.  Should I be flattered?  Setting the record right, once and for all:  I have never, and will never, do porn.  I’m glad that you keep searching for it, but give it up will ya?

  • lebrain hot dee
  • www . sex photo lebraln fucking

This isn’t a how-to site, but I loved this next question.  It had to be from a Trailer Park Boys fan.  Nobody else would think of it.  Bless you, whoever you are:

  • i want to turn my living room into an ice rink

True north strong and free!

These folks also had some Trailer Park Boys questions:

  • in tpb europe do they throw up

It sure looked like they did, in Stockholm after opening a can of putrid of fish called surströmming.  Nothing appeared to be faked for the cameras!

  • what episode is the trailer park boys where they go to denmark

I know this is hard to believe, but it’s the episode called “Copenhagen”.  Because it’s the capital of Denmark.  C’mon guys, use your heads before asking Siri to find out for you.

  • trailer park boys europe wheres randy and lahey

Not in Europe.

  • trailer park boys quotes they’re canadians they don’t know any better

I plead the Fifth.

This next one is related to Kiss.  I wish this is what I titled from review of Kiss at the Ritz:

  • kiss shit fits at ritz review

And then there’s this, obviously triggered by “Kiss” and “Maiden” who I’ve reviewed, but I don’t know what this person was searching for:

  • I fear they kiss,gentle maiden

And then in the “Conspiracy Theory that Just Won’t Die” category…guess who’s back!?

  • joey tempest lookalike

 

Thanks for checking out these search terms.  Subscribe so you never miss any!