Always a pleasure when a celebrity comes down to read my stuff! (Remember when Kenny Hotz wasn’t keen on my Kenny Vs. Spenny Season 6 review?) Hip-hop producer David “D-Funk” Faulk is the latest to stumble upon my writing. David “D-Funk” Faulk is a King’s X fan. David “D-Funk” Faulk did not like my review of the King’s X B-side “Junior’s Gone Wild”, as you can see for yourself.
You’re nuts. “Junior’s Gone Wild” kicks fkng ass! As great as anything they’ve ever done. Loved it the first time I heard it and still love it today. The whole critiquing songs is such a dumb thing to do anyway because it’s simply showing one’s desperation to tell others how they should hear the song. If you don’t like it, fine. Don’t listen. Some people love Anne Murray. Some love Frank Zappa. Some love Milli Vanilli or Lil Wayne. It’s so stupid sitting there writing, “Duhh, I think the third verse should have been shorter and the guitar riff is too similar to one of the guitarist’s other songs. How dare he have a style and play anything that sounds like himself!”. blah blah fkn blah. If you can do better, let’s hear it. Critics are the absolute worst.
Thanks, D-Funk! I never said any of that. Should I be flattered that he though I was a critic? I think so. I’m going to start referring to myself as “famed critic”.
My response to him went like this:
Here’s what bugs me the most about this dill-hole.
“If you don’t like it, fine. Don’t listen.”
SAME GOES FOR YOU, PAL, If you don’t like it, fine. Don’t read it.
What am I supposed to do? Lie about what appeals to me, just to satisfy the hard-core worshippers? You think it kicks fuckin’ ass. I don’t. You want me to lie about that? It’s the Complete King’s X studio series. You want me to leave out the ones I didn’t like just so you don’t have to read them? Get over yourself.
Coming soon to mikeladano.com: Only sunny, positive reviews about music that kicks “fking ass”! Looking forward to my forthcoming series of Def Leppard deep dives? F’get about it! Only 4/5 and 5/5 star writeups from now on. Reviews so positive that they could have been a toothpaste commercial. That’s the future. Fuck honesty. Write anything even remotely critical and you’ll get shithawks like D-Funk dropping turds all over your pages.
Listen to the song, read my review, and tell me if I was being harsh.