Movies

DVD REVIEW: I Love You Man (2009)

It’s the end of the Week of Rockin’ Movies.  All week we discussed movies with significant rock n’ roll connections.  If you missed anything, click below!  Thanks for hanging out.

MONDAY:  House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
TUESDAY: The Devil’s Rejects (2005)
WEDNESDAY: 2010: The Year We Make Contact (1984)
THURSDAY: Record Store Tales Part 284: The Impact of Movies
FRIDAY: Get Him to the Greek (2010)

I LOVE YOU MAN (2009 Paramount)

Directed by John Hamburg

I don’t know why it has taken me so long to review this rocking comedy. This and Fanboys arrived at roughly the same time, both movies featuring a character who loves the Holy Trinity known to Canadians as Rush. However only I Love You Man was able to score appearances from Geddy, Alex and Neil.

If you’re not a fan of the Apatow factory players – guys like Jason Segel, Paul Rudd, Joe Lo Truglio, Aziz Ansari, Nick Kroll, etc – then even the appearance of the Mighty Rush is unlikely to sway you to I Love You Man. You know what kind of humour you’re in for: dick and fart jokes, and plenty of them. If that’s not your kind of humour, that’s cool, man!

I happen to love fart jokes.

I Love You Man has some great fart jokes. But it also has heart, which is why I’m still into it five years later. Peter Klaven (Rudd) is newly engaged to his lovely girlfriend Zooey (Rashida Jones), but there’s one major issue: He doesn’t have any real guy friends. Zooey has plenty of bridesmaids, but Peter can’t think of anyone for the crucial role of best man. Klaven embarks upon a series of “man-dates” to get to know some guys better. These range from funny (Joe Lo Truglio’s gratingly high-voiced Lonnie) to disastrous (a vomit-filled poker game with Jon Favreau).

Klaven has a second problem. As a real estate agent, he’s landed a great client, but also a tough house to sell: Lou Ferrigno’s place. While Peter laments that it’s hard to sell a house with a giant-size Hulk statue on the lawn, it is at an open house that he meets Jason Segel’s Sydney Fife. Hitting it off, the guys exchange cards and agree to get some drinks later.

The critics really praised the on screen chemistry between Rudd and Segal, and it’s hard not to get drawn into their story. Especially when they realize they have a mutual affinity for Rush. This leads to the now-famous “Slappin’ Da Bass” scene, a phrase that Geddy may hear at just about every concert he plays, for all eternity.

The weakness with the movie (and many similar films) is the lack of strong female characters. Zooey is relegated to the character that is slowly pushed aside by Sydney. It’s not intentional of course, but a few missteps that Sydney makes end up upsetting Zooey, and eventually Peter, enough to jeopardize the best man slot at the wedding.

Can Peter, Sydney and Zooey reconcile in time for the wedding? Will Peter ever sell Lou Ferigno’s house? Will Rush be played at the wedding?

Of course you know what will happen, but this being a review, I’m obligated to stay away from spoilers.

I thought the cast was great, the story hilarious (if not the most original idea), and even the supporting cast were all standouts. J.K. Simmons as “the dad” and Andy Samberg as “the gay brother” were notable, even in their small roles. As a child of the 70’s, Lou Ferrigno was icing on the cake for me. The guy obviously has a good sense of humour, and the movie would not have been the same without him. Ferrigno rules.

I Love You Man has earned a permanent place in my movie collection, and not just for the Rush references!

4/5 stars

Paul Rudd as Peter Klaven
Jason Segel as Sydney Fife
Rashida Jones as Zooey Rice
Andy Samberg as Robbie Klaven
J. K. Simmons as Oswald Klaven
Jane Curtin as Joyce Klaven
Jaime Pressly as Denise McLean
Jon Favreau as Barry McLean
Lou Ferrigno as Himself
Rush as themselves

Blu-ray REVIEW: Get Him to the Greek (2010)

Welcome back to the Week of Rockin’ Movies.  We’re looking at movies all week, with significant rock n’ roll connections.  If you missed anything, click below!

MONDAY:  House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
TUESDAY: The Devil’s Rejects (2005)
WEDNESDAY: 2010: The Year We Make Contact (1984)
THURSDAY: Record Store Tales Part 284: The Impact of Movies


GET  HIM TO THE GREEK (2010 Universal)

Directed by Nicolas Stoller

WARNING: If you can’t sit through two hours of anything with either Jonah Hill or Russell Brand, don’t even finish reading this review. Just hit your “back” button now and read something else.  Or click here if you’d like to read something more your speed.

Get Him To the Greek was the spin-off from Jason Segal’s Forgetting Sarah Marshall.  Sarah Marshall’s ex, Aldous Snow (Russell Brand) is back to his hard-partying ways, and his relationship with singer Jackie Q is on the rocks. Worse, his most recent album with his band Infant Sorrow (African Child) is a commercial and critical bust. The New Musical Express has dubbed it “the worst thing to happen to Africa since apartheid”, and while that may be a bit harsh, the music video featuring Snow as a “white African space Christ” certainly didn’t help.

Meanwhile, Aaron Green (Jonah Hill) works for Sergio (Sean “Puffy” Combs) at Pinnacle Records.   The label needs to thicken its revenue stream or go bust.  Sergio wants fresh ideas, but there’s nothing. Aaron Green suggests a 10th anniversary concert for Infant Sorrow at the Greek theater, to commemorate their most celebrated performance. That can be spun off into a series of reissues, live albums, and DVDs; a potential game changer. Sergio orders Green to get Snow to the Greek.

For Green, everything is on this line.  This one opportunity will either make, or break his career with Pinnacle Records.  No matter the odds, he must get Snow to the Greek!

This sets into motion a series of events to test Green’s resolve and Snow’s stamina for partying. Getting Snow to the Greek is not as easy as it sounds. A notorious rock star, Snow has no interest in doing anything besides living in the moment, even if it means missing flight after flight after flight. The plot here is not complicated, it’s just a series of funny misadventures as Green desperately tries to make the right decisions to somehow complete this mission. Add in a couple unnecessary side plots about the girlfriends of both main characters.  Because you need that, I suppose.

The lowbrow humour is captained by the amiable Brand, with Jonah Hill playing a less loudmouthed version of Jonah Hill.  He’s playing the lovable version of Jonah as Green.  The best of the bunch is Sean Combs as Sergio. It was he who surprised me the most, as he stole every scene he was in. I also enjoyed numerous celebrity cameos.  Sadly for Aldous Snow, Jackie Q seems to have a thing for short bald Danish metal drummers.

The Blu-ray is fully loaded. Rated and unrated versions. Deleted scenes. Commentaries. And so on. You know the drill! Most entertaining are a series of live concert clips of Russell in character as Aldous Snow with Infant Sorrow. There are actually a whole bunch of bonus songs on the blu-ray; totally worth the purchase to have these. The big surprise was a live version of “Dracula’s Lament” with Jason Segal and an understated Jack Black.

Get Him to the Greek lacks Sarah Marshall‘s heart, but it does lampoon rock stars and the music industry quite effectively.  Do not watch if easily offended.

3.5/5 stars

Jonah Hill as Aaron Green
Russell Brand as Aldous Snow
Elisabeth Moss as Daphne Binks
Rose Byrne as Jackie Q
Sean Combs as Sergio Roma
Colm Meaney as Jonathan Snow
Aziz Ansari as Matty Briggs
Nick Kroll as Kevin McLean

DVD REVIEW: 2010: The Year We Make Contact

Welcome back to the Week of Rockin’ Movies.  Each movie we take a look at this week will have a significant connection to rock music.  Today’s installment may surprise you. 

MONDAY:  House of 1000 Corpses (2003)
TUESDAY: The Devil’s Rejects (2005)

2010: The Year We Make Contact (1984)

Directed by Peter Hyams

 

Was there ever a film that needed a sequel less than 2001: A Space Odyssey? If any movie had ever defied sequel-making, it was the original 2001. It is impossible to talk about 2010 without mentioning Stanley Kubrick and the groundbreaking film that started it all. With that in mind, 2010 is still a great science fiction film, intelligent and exciting, while feeling light years away from the original.

Dr. Heywood Floyd (Roy Scheider) has taken the fall for the disasters that occurred aboard the Discovery back in 2001. The infallible supercomputer H.A.L. 9000 (Douglas Rain) did fail, four astronauts were murdered, and Dr. David Bowman (Keir Dullea) has disappeared (presumed dead). Nobody knows why, not even H.A.L.’s creator Dr. Chandra (Bob Balaban) . The Discovery is in a decaying orbit around Jupiter, and the Americans plan on sending a team there to find out just what happened. One problem:  the Russians will get there first. Floyd has been offered a ride on the Russian ship, the Alexei Leonov, to combine missions.

SCENE

You can do that now?

The premise itself shows us that the cinematic universe has changed. Politics were all but inconsequential in the first film, but here they form major plot points in the whole story.  The Soviets are still deep into a cold war with United States, but recent flare-ups threaten to go nuclear at any time. The President’s finger is hovering over the button. Amid this chaos, the Americans don’t want the Soviets to get to Dicovery first.

Heywood Floyd needs  Discovery and H.A.L. to find out what went wrong last time, with five lost lives on his hands. Along for the ride are Dr. Chandra to reactivate H.A.L., and Dr. Walter Curnow (John Lithgow), the man who built Discovery. The Russian crew, portrayed excellently by mostly Russian actors for authenticity, are distrustful of the Americans. Their commander, played by Helen Mirren, is also an officer of the Russian air force and finds her loyalties tested when Dr. Floyd tells her that the phantom of Dave Bowman has warned that they must leave Jupiter in just two days.

Is it a phantom or has David Bowman really returned?  Or at least something that once was Dr. Bowman? Keir Dullea, not looking a day older even though nearly 20 real-world years have passed, is eerie in his portrayal of Bowman.  He is clear that Jupiter’s orbit will no longer be safe, but offers no explanation other than, “Something is going to happen. Something wonderful.”

2010 BOOK SCAN2010: The Year We Make Contact was based on the Arthur C. Clarke novel 2010: Odyssey Two.  Left to his own devices and without Stanley Kubrick’s collaboration, Clarke’s story featured much more dialogue.  (The book also included entire chapters about a rival Chinese mission to Jupiter’s moon Europa, and David Bowman’s journey.)  Peter Hyams wisely chose not to try to copy Kubrick’s style for 2010, as that would have been pure folly.  The end result was a more accessible but less mind-altering film.  It is certainly less authentic (for example there is no sound in a vacuum) and less ground breaking.

In one of the more human scenes, look for the late Natasha Shneider of Queens Of The Stone Age and Eleven as the cosmonaut Irina.  Roy Scheider and Natasha Shneider have a memorable scene together that adds a lot of realism to the film.  Shneider was a sometimes-actress in the 1980’s while trying to get her music career off the ground.  When she formed Eleven with Jack Irons (ex-Red Hot Chili Peppers and future Pearl Jam drummer)  and her partner Alain Johannes, a little bit more recognition came her way.  Besides touring as a member of Queens of the Stone Age supporting Lullabies To Paralyze, she also featured heavily (writing and performing) on Chris Cornell’s solo debut album Euphoria Morning.  She died of cancer July 2, 2008 at age 52.  How sad that she never saw the year 2010 herself.

 

This film is a suitable sequel for this sci-fi fan. Such science as “aerobraking” is shown on screen, and the possibility of life on Europa is explored. And, finally, we get to see what life on Earth in 2010 actually looks like! (Not quite like the real thing turned out, sadly!)

In an effort to “explain” the mysteries of the original Odyssey, 2010 succeeds by leaving just enough to the imagination. The ancient monoliths and the beings behind them are never fully explained. There are questions left behind, thus far only explored in the pages of Clarke’s novels. (Tom Hanks once expressed interest in making a film version of 3001: Final Odyssey but that idea, thankfully, is dead.) This movie could have been a disaster in many ways, but fortunately was not. While nothing can ever equal or top 2001, or come even close to breaking the ground that it did, this film serves as a satisfying coda and it is good to watch them both together.

DVD contains a decent documentary called “2010: The Odyssey Continues”.

4/5 stars. If this were any other sci-fi film franchise, it would have been 5/5. But when comparing to the original, nothing could be equal to it.

1998 MG DVD release

1998 MGM DVD release

Roy Scheider as Dr. Heywood R. Floyd
John Lithgow as Dr. Walter Curnow
Helen Mirren as Tanya Kirbuk
Bob Balaban as Dr. R. Chandra
Keir Dullea as Dave Bowman
Douglas Rain as the voice of HAL 9000
Natasha Shneider as Irina Yakunina
Candice Bergen as the voice of SAL 9000 (credited as “Olga Mallsnerd”)

 

DVD REVIEW: House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

Hey! Welcome to another week-long series at mikeladano.com!  This time, the theme is Rockin’ Movies.  Each movie we take a look at this week will have a significant connection to rock music.  Enjoy!

HOUSE OF 1000 CORPSES (2003 Universal)

Directed by Rob Zombie

I’m generally not a horror movie guy, although I grew up on all the cheesy classics in the 1980’s. I thought I just outgrew the genre. Then my buddy Thuss implored me to see Rob Zombie’s House Of 1,000 Corpses.

Anchored by Zombie’s uncommon visual stylings and eclectic tastes, this House is rocking, don’t bother knocking. The setup:  An ill-fated foursome of young men and ladies are travelling cross country. They stop for gas and chicken at Captain Spaulding’s “Museum of Monsters & Madmen” (as played by the near-legendary Sid Haig). Spaulding is the best character written by Rob Zombie, both hilariously funny and mildly disturbing at the same time. Well, he’s a creepy clown. If you have a clown phobia, Spaulding’s the creepiest I’ve ever seen, but I can’t help but laugh every time he opens his sizable mouth.

Spaulding tips the kids (Rainn Wilson is the only “name” here) off to the creepy legend of “Dr. Satan”.  They then decide it’s a good idea to go hunting for Dr. Satan’s hanging tree in the middle of the night. In the rain. It is then that they meet the beautifully disordered Baby Firefly (Sherri Moon Zombie)…and get a flat tire. Things only go downhill for the young ones from there, as I’m sure you can imagine. Baby invites our young travelers to her family’s farm, where her brother can surely fix their flat tire.

Special mention must go to out to Bill Mosely who is terrifyingly unstable as the most amoral member of the Firefly family, Otis B. Driftwood. He only gets more interesting as a character in the sequel, The Devil’s Rejects…but that is another review.

Some horror purists can’t get into Zombie’s style. Indeed, he has a unique vision as any fan of his will know. If you like oddly proportioned monsters and robots, just go see him in concert. Zombie also likes to populate his films with 70’s southern stereotypes. Indeed, one would argue that the movie has no actual characters, just character types. That’s the kind of horror movie that I remember growing up with, and I believe his films pay homage to that very well. He also had a practical reason for setting his movies in the 1970’s.  No cellphones.  No-one to call for help.  No GPS. No way to call AAA and get a tire changed.  Isolation.

House of 1,000 Corpses is a visually disturbing film, and that’s one reason I can’t stop watching it. Other horror films are simply cheese-fests. Not this one. There are gallons of blood, body parts, and a couple monsters too, but all presented in a surreal nightmare setting that might have you avoiding country roads at night. Zombie went in a completely different direction in the next movie, so House of 1000 Corpses remains the “weird” chapter in this series.

Will there be justice on the Fireflys? Tune in tomorrow for my review of The Devil’s Rejects.

4/5 stars and 2 severed hands.

Sid Haig as Captain Spaulding
Bill Moseley as Otis B. Driftwood
Sheri Moon Zombie as Baby Firefly
Karen Black as Mother Firefly
Rainn Wilson as Bill Hudley
Tom Towles as Lieutenant George Wydell
Matthew McGrory as Tiny Firefly
Robert Mukes as Rufus “RJ” Firefly Jr
Dennis Fimple as Grampa Hugo Firefly

MOVIE REVIEW: The Black Hole (1979)

THE BLACK HOLE_0001THE BLACK HOLE (1979)

Directed by Gary Nelson

45I can’t help it, I’m nostalgic for this movie. Long before I saw it, I had “The Story of…” on 7″ record. Remember those?  Kids today have no idea what I’m talking about do they!

I think Roddy McDowell is one of the most underrated actors ever, and I could probably listen to him reading his grocery list for two hours and still be entertained. McDowell and the legendary Slim Pickens both voiced robots in this movie (shameless R2D2 ripoffs, except they can fly!*) and the touch of classic, recognizable voices makes the movie that much easier to swallow.

Having said that, The Black Hole isn’t great sci-fi, but it’s not bad. The USS Cygnus (great name, if you know what it refers to) has been missing in space for 20 years. However, the exploration vessel Palomino has just stumbled upon it, seemingly derelict. It is also inexplicably hovering in front of a black hole! Impossible! And as Palomino approaches, Cygnus turns on her lights. She is not a derelict after all!

In fact, she is crewed entirely by robots, except for the commander. Dr. Hans Reinhardt (man, I love when mad scientists have German names!) commands this motley crew, a genius who has discovered the secrets of anti-gravity. But can he be trusted? Dr. Alex Durant (the wonderful Anthony Perkins) seems to trust him, but certain things do not add up. Why does he have gardens on board the ship, food enough to feed an army? Why do his robots have funerals? The psychic Dr. Kate doesn’t trust him either. Her father died under his command, and the stories just don’t sound right.

The starship design in this movie is just stellar, and very unique. All girders and lights, Cygnus is a monstrosity, with depth and foreboding beauty. The smaller Palomino follows similar designs, but is more capsule-shaped. I’ve never seen anything like these two ships before, and the level of detail is impressive.

There are some great performances here by the afformentioned Perkins, and Maximillion Schell cheeses up the place perfectly as Reinhardt. If you’re a mad scientist you may as well go for it.  This isn’t high cinema.  Also noteworthy are Robert Forster as the commander of Palomino, and Ernest Borgnine as the journalist Harry Booth. Absolutely horrible are Joseph Bottoms as Lieutenant Charles Pizer, and Yvette Mimieux as Dr. Kate McCrae. It’s obvious that they’re supposed to be the Han Solo and the token female of the crew, but man…they can’t act. I guess that’s why you’ve never heard of them?

Yeah, it’s a shameless Star Wars rip off. And yeah, the physics of space are ignored when convenient. (Creative viewers can probably rationalize how the crew still can run around the ship as a giant hole is ripped through the roof…forcefields maybe?) And yeah, the robots are kind of cutesy, especially Slim Pickens’ Old Bob. But I’ll be damned if this still isn’t a fun movie to watch. Fun, but dark. The very un-Disney ending evokes heaven, hell, and everything in between while making no logical sense. (The comic book that I had as a kid had a different ending, a more hopeful one, where the crew ended up in an alternate universe to explore.)

It’s not for everybody, certainly not for modern audiences spoiled by CG and flash. But it’s not as bad as I once thought!

3/5 stars

* Yes, I know R2-D2 flew in Episode II.  Fuck Episode II.

MOVIE REVIEW: G.I. Joe: Retaliation (Extended Action Cut) 2013

“We’re the Four fuckin’ Horsemen / Back for a second time.”

G.I. JOE: Retaliation (2013)

Directed by Jon M. Chu

I’m sorry if you saw the first movie, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009). That lowly turd of a film is one that I own, but can only sit through by splitting it into two or more sittings. Never in one. I saw it this way recently, and I managed to make it through. The movie was crap, and so was the toyline that went with it. All garbage. I don’t care to review the movie again, so to quote from my own old Amazon 2/5 star writeup:

The acting here is bad bordering on terrible. This Channing Tatum guy can’t act at all. Dennis Quaid pours the cheeze-wiz on every line of dialogue that General Hawk delivers. Marlon Wayons (Rip Cord), Rachel Nichols (Scarlet), and Sienna Miller (Baroness) are passable. The heavies tend to get the best roles and the best actors: Arnold Vosloo (Zartan) steals every scene he is in, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt is surprisingly serpentine as Cobra Commander. Christopher Eccleston is good as the Scottish arms dealer Destro, just menacing enough while also dignified and cool. Also, it’s nice to see Jonathan Pryce in anything…The direction by that hack Stephen Sommers (The Mummy) is gawd-awful.

Pryce was in the first movie far too briefly to be of any consequence to the finished product. That and many of the other weaknesses with the first film were dealt with here in G.I. Joe: Retaliation. Most of the cast was jettisoned. Wisely, Ray Park and Lee Byung-hun were retained as the iconic ninjas Snake-Eyes and Storm Shadow. Cobra Commander was re-cast (Gordon-Levitt being unnecessary and expensive behind a silver mask). Otherwise only Pryce, Arnold Vosloo and Channing Tatum survive to the second film. Even though Dennis Quaid was contracted to do three movies, leadership has fallen to Tatum’s Duke. Newcomers include Duke’s buddy Roadblock (Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson) and new recruits Jady Jaye, Flint, and Jinx.

Another issue that I had with the first film was that I felt the tech was too sci-fi and outlandish. This is tamed down a tad in this movie, although everything is still futuristic enough. The bad guys don’t all have ray guns and anti-gravity jets and shit this time. They usually fire bullets and fly helicopters and jets and stuff. The characters and vehicles look more like the original toys did. There are things such as the HISS (High Speed Sentry) tanks that look like the toys you had. Roadblock looks like the figure you had, or wanted (in my case the latter). So does Cobra Commander, finally.

JOE 46Anyway that’s all window dressing if there’s no story. The story is this: Master of disguise Zartan is still impersonating the President of the United States (Jonathan Pryce, who is the real star of the movie). Cobra Commander and Destro are still imprisoned, but the Commander is freed by his ninja Storm Shadow. With the explosives expert Firefly (another toy you wanted), they engineer the betrayal and destruction of the entire G.I. Joe team. Only a handful survive. Then the President replaces them with the services of a new security contractor called Cobra.

There’s also a new Ultimate Weapon called Zeus which is pretty silly physics-wise, because in real life it wouldn’t work. (If a satellite merely “dropped”, ie: let go of, a rod of tungsten, the tungsten would simply settle into the same orbit as the satellite.) We’ll overlook this because BOOM! DADOOOM! KABLAAAMM! SLASH! SWISH! SWING! There’s action. There’s a frickin’ battle with ninjas hanging off the side of a mountain, people. It makes no sense in any sort of real physical way but it looks nifty and must have looked great in 3D in theaters. I found it odd that the G.I Joe team is the only military force in the world today operating without any sort of helmet or hat or head gear of any kind.

Pic from yojoe.com

Joe Colton pic from yojoe.com

Back to the story, G.I. Joe has been wiped out.  The Rock and his friends need help, so they go to the only man they know they can trust: Bruce Willis. In the original Marvel comics and Hasbro toyline (fuck Sunbow), Joe Colton was the original, retired G.I. Joe. In fact his code name was “G.I. Joe”. Willis is the perfect choice to play this hard-ass and I have to admit it’s big fun to see him and the Rock kicking ass in the same scenes.

As a self-proclaimed Marvel Comics Joe nerd, the original gospel of Larry Hama is all. I enjoyed that this movie tended to go back to the original source material for ideas more so than the original film did. I won’t get into specifics too much, except to say that certain things especially in relation to Snakes and Stormy reflect events that happened in the comics. Staying truer to the strong source material (Hama was no slouch) only helps the movie which otherwise is just a collage of BOOM!

As for the Blu-ray, I was pleased to hear a balanced 7.1 surround mix.  I was a bit baffled to hear The Four Horsemen’s “Back In Business Again” in the movie soundtrack, but more power to ’em.  I didn’t watch too many of the special features.   I did watch both versions of the film (the “Extended Action Cut” is on the Blu and the theatrical on the DVD) but I don’t have any impressions of which is better.  Most recently I watched the extended version and it was plenty cool.

3/5 stars

RETALIATION_0002

Blu-ray REVIEW: Machete Kills (2013)

NEW RELEASE

“Oh my goodness.  That lady just shot blades out of her boobs.” – Mrs. LeBrain’s Mom

MACHETE KILLS_0003MACHETE KILLS (2013 Aldamisa)
Directed by Robert Rodriguez

Machete Kills is the sequel to Robert Rodriguez’ Machete (2010), starring 69 year old cult hero Danny Trejo.  Minor spoiler alert:  It begins with an over the top preview trailer for the third Machete movie, guest starring “Justin Bieber” as “Bleep”.  (Guess what happens to “Bleep”!)*  Hold on to your hats.

For Machete Kills, I decided to co-review it with special guest, Mrs. LeBrain’s Mom.  I enjoy subjecting Mrs. LeBrain’s Mom to movies now and then.  Sometimes she likes them:  Paul (2011) was her favourite of my selections.  Jackass 3D (2010) was definitely her least favourite.

Machete Kills sort of has a plot:  The US military is selling weapons to the cartel.  Another mysterious faction with black Venom-like masks are also after the weapons.    The masked leader of this group gives Machete something terrible to avenge.  Then, the President of the United States of America (Carlos Estevez/Charlie Sheen) makes him offer he can’t refuse, and he is soon back in Mexico fighting a one-man war.  But he is not completely on his own, as undercover agent Miss San Antonio (Amber Heard) has plenty of gadgets that go boom.  His target: Marcos Mendez, the head of the cartel with a nuke aimed at Washington.

Add in a master of disguise after a $20M bounty, a Star Wars-obsessed evil genius, Sofía Vergara’s machine gun boobs, a madman with multiple personalities and a load of evil clones, and we’re in for a good time.

The story as such serves simply to introduce the complex of characters.  Machete is less a film and more a series of action sequences separated by dialogue explaining what’s happening.  As the movie goes on, many interested parties emerge (all played by big name actors or Rodriguez regulars).  There are so many back-stabs and switcheroos that we are well past incredulity and into outlandish.  Machete is a perfect mix of camp and violence.  Although the movie seems built to support the large cast, the actors in turn are all pros clearly having a good time.  I liked them all…all but Amber Heard.  Something about her, so wooden.

I made three minor observations. 1) It’s convenient that the bad guys only attack Machete one at a time.  2) It’s also a good thing for Machete that none of the generic bad guys can aim. 3) The female characters in the movie might want to put on some pants next time they go into combat.

As for my co-reviewer, Mrs. LeBrain’s Mom didn’t like when Machete’s girlfriend Sartana (Jessica Alba) gets shot in the head.  “She was a pretty girl,” she says.  “She shouldn’t have been shot.”  She also didn’t like seeing Marko Zaror getting sucked into helicopter blades by his intestines.  Mrs. LeBrain’s Mom had a few choice words for Lady Gaga, which she asked me to edit out so to avoid the wrath of her Little Monsters.  She did not enjoy the number of heads that got removed from their bodies (at least a dozen), but I did see her laugh at several points.  She largely enjoyed the cast, particularly Mel Gibson.  Upon seeing Carlos Estevez, she shrieked “He’s the President?  Oh my God!”  She did not enjoy the foul language, particularly when out of the mouths of the young female characters.

4/5 stars – LeBrain

A “solid” 3/5 stars – Mrs. LeBrain’s Mom  (“It was really kind of…strange.”)

* actors subject to change

MOVIE REVIEW: The Last Starfighter (25th anniversary edition blu-ray)

Dedicated to Zachary Britton
LAST STARFIGHTER BLU_0001THE LAST STARFIGHTER directed by Nick Castle (1984 Universal, 25th anniversary edition)

Hot on the heels of the then-defunct Star Wars franchise came The Last Starfighter. There had been other copycat films before, but few were as well done as The Last Starfighter. The theme that they both have in common was the young boy, stuck in the middle of nowhere, aching to get away and make something of himself. The Last Starfighter wore its themes on its sleeve. Like Otis says in the opening scenes, “When life gives you a chance, you gotta grab on with both hands and hang on tight!”

I recently re-watched my old DVD and was shocked to see how bad that 1998 release looked. Certain frames had sections that were washed out, I could see a hair on the film, and there were plenty of scratches that begged for digital restoration. I immediately went out and bought the blu-ray. Suddenly, everything was crisp and clear in glorious 1080p hi-def. All the defects I noticed before had been cleaned up. The film looks great!

Alex Rogan (Lance Guest) is your average American teen living somewhere in the southern states (Arizona? New Mexico?) in a trailer park. His application for a loan has been rejected and it looks like he’s going to be stuck going to city college with the locals. His dream of finally getting out has been quashed. However, Alex has a talent — more accurately, “the gift” — to be a Starfighter. Only he doesn’t know it yet. All he knows is that he just scored 1,000,000 points on a video game console called “Starfighter”.  Small triumph, sure, but more important than he knows.

Light years away, the peaceful planet of Rylos is about to be decimated by the traitor Xur, who has declared himself Emperor (Hmmm…Star Wars?).  Xur brings with him his allies, the deadly Kodan armada. Rylos’ best hope are the Starfighters: an elite group of fighters who have mastered the difficult gunnery station aboard the immensely powerful “Gunstar”  fighter ships. A heavily armed beast of a spacecraft, a Gunstar is manned by a crew of two: a pilot and a gunner.  And that video game, back in the trailer park, on Earth?  That was more than just a video a game. It was simulator, planted there by the alien recruiter Centauri (Robert Preston in his final role).  It was designed and built specifically to find someone with “the gift” to be a Starfighter.

In short order, Centauri appears, as a 70-ish year old human in a (then!) futuristic car. He whisks Alex away, across the lightyears to Rylos where the whole situation is explained to him.  One slight problem though:  Alex doesn’t want to be a Starfighter. It’s not his war, and he doesn’t want to die for a planet he didn’t know existed, so far from home.

Will Alex remember old Otis’ advice? Will he grab hold of this chance with both hands, and hold on tight?

What made The Last Starfighter fun was that it had a dual plot. While Alex has been swept away to the stars, he has been replaced back home with a “Beta unit” that looks exactly like him. It’s a robot, also played by Lance Guest, but his “fish out of water” scenes return the movie to comedic moments.  These scenes help ground the movie and keep it relate-able.  A lot of the humour comes from Beta trying to understand Alex’s girlfriend Maggie (Mary Catherine Stewart). But it’s not all fun and games for Beta. Emperor Xur thinks he has destroyed all the Starfighters, but he learns that there might be a last Starfighter, a human, alive on Earth….

Comedy, lasers and action! Cool looking aliens! All that fascinating early CG animation!  These all make The Last Starfighter a blast for me to revisit. Although today it looks horribly dated, it is easy to overlook the primitive CG and just get into the story and characters. The only way this movie could work, then and now, is suspending your disbelief and getting into the characters. Thankfully, some great performances from the lead cast make that easy to do.  In particular, Robert Preston and Dan O’Herlihy as the reptilian alien pilot Grig are standouts.

Blu-ray bonus features are excellent. The original documentary from the old DVD version is included, as well as a brand new one in 1080i hi-def. Both Lance Guest and Mary Catherine Stewart appear and provide fascinating insight. As a kid, I always suspected that the “Beta” version of Guest was wearing a wig, as the hair never looked right. Guest confirms this: Many of the Beta scenes were added as an afterthought, and he had already cut his hair short. Stewart is good humoured about her awful Michael Bay moment in the film (“I love you Alex Rogan”).

The Last Starfighter, while appearing dated, is still the same old timeless story it always has been.  Recommended for anyone born before Jurassic Park came out.

5/5 stars

  • Lance Guest as Alex Rogan / Beta Alex
  • Dan O’Herlihy as Grig
  • Catherine Mary Stewart as Maggie Gordon
  • Norman Snow as Xur
  • Robert Preston as Centauri

MOVIE REVIEW: School of Rock

I originally had this review scheduled for later. I pushed it up in light of recent events. #biebersucks

SCHOOL OF ROCK (2003 Paramount)

Directed by Richard Linklater

Do you have kids?  This movie should be compulsory viewing for all parents who want their children to kick their Justin Bieber or Miley Cyrus habits. In this surprisingly family-friendly rocker, Jack Black turns a group of school kids on to the greatest sounds known to man: classic rock!  Funny with great songs, School of Rock is among my favourite Jack Black films.  Even those who aren’t particularly into classic rock have been lured in by this movie, such is its charm.

Down-and-out rocker Dewey Finn has been kicked out of his metal band, and replaced by a shirtless guitar player named Spider. Desperate to pay his share of the rent to his substitute teacher roommate Ned Schneebly (Mike White), Dewey steals a teaching gig at a private school. He pretends to be “Mr. Schneebly”, but is barely literate himself. Of course, Dewey’s a bit of a burnout, but he has never let go of his dream. He believes that the world can be made a better place by performing the public service of rocking out. He believes that he has what it takes to rock out. All he needs is some money and a new band….

Starting at the school, he is under the watchful eye of the principal, perfectly played by Black’s High Fidelity castmate Joan Cusack. When Dewey hears the kids play classical music at the school, he realizes he’s found his band. He just needs to teach them a little bit about rocking.

Black is infinitely quotable in this movie, and the music is top notch. The original songs are all stellar, particularly “Way Hard Core”. The classic rock soundtrack are some of the best ever assembled: Metallica, rare Kiss, The Ramones, and even Zeppelin who gave special permission for “The Immigrant Song,” which is used to full effect. The cast is more than good, and lots of very talented young people all appear. And these kids all play their own instruments, too.

Bonus features are generous, and include Black and the kids begging Zeppelin to use “The Immigrant Song”. Insightful behind-the-scenes features concentrate on the kids, and they seem so happy to be taking part in this film and the music.

This film is fun for the entire family, perhaps the only Black film that is appropriate for that. Most importantly, it will give kids an appreciation for the greatest music in the world: rock and roll. And a healthy dose of stickin’ it to the man!

5/5 stars

special features

Jack Black as Dewey Finn (lead singer, guitar)
Joan Cusack as Principal Rosalie Mullins
Mike White as Ned Schneebly
Sarah Silverman as Patty De Marco
Miranda Cosgrove as Summer Hathaway (band manager)
Joey Gaydos Jr. as Zack Mooneyham (guitar)
Kevin Clark as Freddy Jones (drums)
Rebecca Brown as Katie “Posh Spice” (bass)
Robert Tsai as Lawrence “Mr. Cool” (keyboard)

Part 257: Sexy Beast

RECORD STORE TALES Part 257:  Sexy Beast
Or: should a cockney accent be mistaken for a foreign language?

This guy, “Big Daddy Dave,” came into the store to return a movie he bought.  That DVD was Sexy Beast, starring Ben Kingsley and Ray Winstone. Great movie, British mobster flick. If you’ve seen it (and I recommend that you do) then you know the accents are quite thick — but also that the movie is still in English.  In fact I recommended the movie to Big Daddy Dave and was surprised to see him return with it in hand.

He walked up to the counter and said, “Yeah, I want a movie that’s in English.” So I explained to him that Sexy Beast was in English. Ray Winstone and Ben Kingsley are, in fact, both English. “That movie was in English? But I couldn’t understand a damned word they said!”

As my mother-in-law says, “You can’t fix stupid”.

BEAST