Justin Bieber

Sunday Chuckle: That time Laura dedicated a Bieber song to me

March 27 2020Laura Geddes from 105.3 Virgin Radio asked for listeners to submit messages to our friends and family listening.  So I submitted a clip — little did I know Laura was going to dedicate a Justin Bieber song to me as well!  First time for everything.

Incidentally that’s the first time my voice has been on Virgin, now making it three local stations that have been LeBraaaained!

Thanks Laura!

Blu-ray REVIEW: Machete Kills (2013)

NEW RELEASE

“Oh my goodness.  That lady just shot blades out of her boobs.” – Mrs. LeBrain’s Mom

MACHETE KILLS_0003MACHETE KILLS (2013 Aldamisa)
Directed by Robert Rodriguez

Machete Kills is the sequel to Robert Rodriguez’ Machete (2010), starring 69 year old cult hero Danny Trejo.  Minor spoiler alert:  It begins with an over the top preview trailer for the third Machete movie, guest starring “Justin Bieber” as “Bleep”.  (Guess what happens to “Bleep”!)*  Hold on to your hats.

For Machete Kills, I decided to co-review it with special guest, Mrs. LeBrain’s Mom.  I enjoy subjecting Mrs. LeBrain’s Mom to movies now and then.  Sometimes she likes them:  Paul (2011) was her favourite of my selections.  Jackass 3D (2010) was definitely her least favourite.

Machete Kills sort of has a plot:  The US military is selling weapons to the cartel.  Another mysterious faction with black Venom-like masks are also after the weapons.    The masked leader of this group gives Machete something terrible to avenge.  Then, the President of the United States of America (Carlos Estevez/Charlie Sheen) makes him offer he can’t refuse, and he is soon back in Mexico fighting a one-man war.  But he is not completely on his own, as undercover agent Miss San Antonio (Amber Heard) has plenty of gadgets that go boom.  His target: Marcos Mendez, the head of the cartel with a nuke aimed at Washington.

Add in a master of disguise after a $20M bounty, a Star Wars-obsessed evil genius, Sofía Vergara’s machine gun boobs, a madman with multiple personalities and a load of evil clones, and we’re in for a good time.

The story as such serves simply to introduce the complex of characters.  Machete is less a film and more a series of action sequences separated by dialogue explaining what’s happening.  As the movie goes on, many interested parties emerge (all played by big name actors or Rodriguez regulars).  There are so many back-stabs and switcheroos that we are well past incredulity and into outlandish.  Machete is a perfect mix of camp and violence.  Although the movie seems built to support the large cast, the actors in turn are all pros clearly having a good time.  I liked them all…all but Amber Heard.  Something about her, so wooden.

I made three minor observations. 1) It’s convenient that the bad guys only attack Machete one at a time.  2) It’s also a good thing for Machete that none of the generic bad guys can aim. 3) The female characters in the movie might want to put on some pants next time they go into combat.

As for my co-reviewer, Mrs. LeBrain’s Mom didn’t like when Machete’s girlfriend Sartana (Jessica Alba) gets shot in the head.  “She was a pretty girl,” she says.  “She shouldn’t have been shot.”  She also didn’t like seeing Marko Zaror getting sucked into helicopter blades by his intestines.  Mrs. LeBrain’s Mom had a few choice words for Lady Gaga, which she asked me to edit out so to avoid the wrath of her Little Monsters.  She did not enjoy the number of heads that got removed from their bodies (at least a dozen), but I did see her laugh at several points.  She largely enjoyed the cast, particularly Mel Gibson.  Upon seeing Carlos Estevez, she shrieked “He’s the President?  Oh my God!”  She did not enjoy the foul language, particularly when out of the mouths of the young female characters.

4/5 stars – LeBrain

A “solid” 3/5 stars – Mrs. LeBrain’s Mom  (“It was really kind of…strange.”)

* actors subject to change

MOVIE REVIEW: School of Rock

I originally had this review scheduled for later. I pushed it up in light of recent events. #biebersucks

SCHOOL OF ROCK (2003 Paramount)

Directed by Richard Linklater

Do you have kids?  This movie should be compulsory viewing for all parents who want their children to kick their Justin Bieber or Miley Cyrus habits. In this surprisingly family-friendly rocker, Jack Black turns a group of school kids on to the greatest sounds known to man: classic rock!  Funny with great songs, School of Rock is among my favourite Jack Black films.  Even those who aren’t particularly into classic rock have been lured in by this movie, such is its charm.

Down-and-out rocker Dewey Finn has been kicked out of his metal band, and replaced by a shirtless guitar player named Spider. Desperate to pay his share of the rent to his substitute teacher roommate Ned Schneebly (Mike White), Dewey steals a teaching gig at a private school. He pretends to be “Mr. Schneebly”, but is barely literate himself. Of course, Dewey’s a bit of a burnout, but he has never let go of his dream. He believes that the world can be made a better place by performing the public service of rocking out. He believes that he has what it takes to rock out. All he needs is some money and a new band….

Starting at the school, he is under the watchful eye of the principal, perfectly played by Black’s High Fidelity castmate Joan Cusack. When Dewey hears the kids play classical music at the school, he realizes he’s found his band. He just needs to teach them a little bit about rocking.

Black is infinitely quotable in this movie, and the music is top notch. The original songs are all stellar, particularly “Way Hard Core”. The classic rock soundtrack are some of the best ever assembled: Metallica, rare Kiss, The Ramones, and even Zeppelin who gave special permission for “The Immigrant Song,” which is used to full effect. The cast is more than good, and lots of very talented young people all appear. And these kids all play their own instruments, too.

Bonus features are generous, and include Black and the kids begging Zeppelin to use “The Immigrant Song”. Insightful behind-the-scenes features concentrate on the kids, and they seem so happy to be taking part in this film and the music.

This film is fun for the entire family, perhaps the only Black film that is appropriate for that. Most importantly, it will give kids an appreciation for the greatest music in the world: rock and roll. And a healthy dose of stickin’ it to the man!

5/5 stars

special features

Jack Black as Dewey Finn (lead singer, guitar)
Joan Cusack as Principal Rosalie Mullins
Mike White as Ned Schneebly
Sarah Silverman as Patty De Marco
Miranda Cosgrove as Summer Hathaway (band manager)
Joey Gaydos Jr. as Zack Mooneyham (guitar)
Kevin Clark as Freddy Jones (drums)
Rebecca Brown as Katie “Posh Spice” (bass)
Robert Tsai as Lawrence “Mr. Cool” (keyboard)

WTF Search Terms: Bonus Craig Fee edition

Today’s search term of the day:

davefm craig fee sucks

Come on!  Cut Craig some slack!  He rains enough Bieber-hate on the airwaves to make up for any time he hangs up on somebody.