This one comes courtesy of Sausagefester “Max the Axe’s Stunt Double”.
Everybody knows that Value Village is the place to go for weird T-shirts. (Aftab Patla!) Max’s Stunt Double was visiting the good ol’ shirt section at VV when he found this amusing Bret Michaels T-shirt. Did you know he was sponsored by Petsmart? Well now you do!
I can’t help but find this shirt funny. Especially if you put a bandana on your pet!
A sequel to Record Store Tales Part 1: Run to the Hills!
GETTING MORE TALE #789: Run 2 the Hills
I still remember the first time I heard Iron Maiden. I actually remember many childhood listening sessions involving Iron Maiden. Some were solo, some were in groups. We could talk as the day is long about how amazing Iron Maiden were in 1985. Are they actually the greatest heavy metal band of all time? Sure, but we don’t need to get into that here.
The two albums with the greatest personal impact in the early days were Piece of Mind and Live After Death. It was those two albums that I owned on vinyl, and therefore had the lyric sheets to examine. Playing them today enables me to use a sort of spiritual time machine. I can transport my consciousness into the body of my 12 year old self and feel what it was like listening to Maiden when it was all new to me.
Iron Maiden had a forbidden quality, unspoken but undeniable. They seemed far, far more dangerous than anything I’d been interested in before. Styx? Michael Jackson? Kids’ stuff. Iron Maiden had historical lyrics, good for educational value, sure. For a young Catholic in the mid-80s, they were definitely adult entertainment. Suddenly, the lyrics I was hearing were dominated by death, something that teachers and parents tried to steer kids away from. Early Maiden is thick with death, like a metal mortuary.
“Fly to live, do or die.”
“To ashes his grave.”
“If you’re gonna die, die with your boots on.”
“You’ll die as you lived in the flash of the blade.”
“Iron Maiden wants you for dead.”
“For the love of living death.”
“Death in life is your ideal.”
“He killed our tribes, he killed our creed.”
“Fought for the splendor, fought to the death.”
“They dropped down dead, 200 men.”
Heavy stuff. Adult frowns could be felt through the walls as we listened to our Iron Maiden albums. At that age, every time I listened to Maiden, or Priest, or Sabbath, a little bit of the Catholic guilt always lurked behind me. “This is bad stuff,” whispered the voice in my head. “Not wholesome. Very dangerous. You’re playing with fire.”
I spent a lot of time with my best friend Bob pouring over the lyrics. He didn’t have Live After Death on LP like I did, only cassette, so my lyric sheet was indispensable. By no measure did we understand all that we were reading, but we picked up enough. We all knew the legend of Icarus, so “Flight of Icarus” was cut and dried. We picked up on a lot of it, even if we didn’t understand every line and verse. It was clear their songs were stories, like mini-movies. And entertaining they were! We had actual discussions about this stuff, in between sessions of arguing about which Maiden member was coolest. (I liked Adrian best. Nobody picked Dave Murray. George Balasz used to say that Dave looked like he was always thinking “I got something dirty on my mind”. The rest of us disagreed.)
I was always mentally prepared for any confrontation with any Catholic teacher who took issue with my choice of listening to Iron Maiden. I gathered some of their more educational lyrics, like “The Trooper”, which I could dissect on a dime. It even taught me a new word — “acrid”. I noted that even in some of the most negative sounding songs, like “Die With Your Boots On”, there was a positive twist. “The truth of all predictions is always in your hands.” We didn’t know what “Die With Your Boots On” was really about (Nostradamus); that one really eluded us. The message that we honed in on was “the future is not set” and nobody is doomed to a particular fate.
One track that I thought the teachers would have objected to the most was “Powerslave”. Lines like “I’m a god, why can’t I live on?” would be considered blasphemous. Later on, after learning some Egyptian history in highschool, the lyrics suddenly made complete sense. The pharoah was considered by his people to be a living god. That’s it! Now the lyrics made sense. The pharoah, in first-person storytelling, approaches death and realizes too late that he will not live forever. Their faith is a lie. He fears death, and after succumbing, he feels pity for his successor. “For he is a man and a god, and he will die too.” It’s quite a poignant tale when taken apart. It would make a fantastic short story (as I tuck the idea away for future expansion).
And “Aces High”? That song was so significant that I wrote an entire chapter about it. When school finally got around to covering the Battle of Britain in the highschool, I already knew the story. I knew it because Iron Maiden were the launching point. My dad took over my World War II education from there. If I was going to be learning history from long-haired-hooligan music, he was going to make sure I knew the whole story. They showed the ensemble film Battle of Britain in class, but for me it was a re-run of “movie night with Dad”.
Maiden passed the lyrical integrity test for a 12 year old. The didn’t sing lovey-dovey nonsense that I couldn’t relate to. Not all the songs could be brilliant, of course. Even then, I knew “Quest for Fire” wasn’t good. “In a time, when dinosaurs walked the Earth…” What!? No! I knew that humans and dinosaurs weren’t contemporary to each other; how come Steve Harris didn’t? One minor misstep. Most importantly, Maiden passed the feel test. The power of the music combined with Bruce Dickinson’s confident, defiant air-raid siren voice. It stirred a boy’s sense of personal strength. You could feel it. The effect was almost like a drug. Almost, but far more nourishing for the soul.
It doesn’t take much to regain those old feelings. The right setting and the right Maiden albums are all it takes. Then I’m running free. Yeah!
“Oh God! What did I just listen to?” – J from Resurrection Songs
EUROPE – “The Final Countdown 2000” (1999 Sony single)
As we edge closer to the start of a new decade, it’s the perfect time to look back at the turn of the millennium, 20 whole years ago. Sony decided that Europe’s “The Final Countdown” would make the ideal anthem for the millennium, and so had it remixed by the guy (Brian Rawling) who did Cher’s “Believe” a year earlier. Joey Tempest was not amused, and tried to find another mixer without success. Drummer Ian Haughland called the finished remix a “disaster”.
The full 5:45 remix was released as a single, while a 3:47 edit version was issued on a new version of Europe’s “greatest hits”, with title updated from 1982-1992 to 1982-2000. At least the millennium led to a performance by a reunited Europe on New Year’s Eve featuring both guitarists John Norum and Kee Marcello.
The full length remix is the antithesis to rock music. Sped up, with bouncy synth bass and drums, it was obviously calculated for dancing. There are keyboards, weird sounds, and samples that have nothing to do with the song. Of the original recording, Joey’s vocals remain, but the rest sounds completely digital. It goes on, and on. The edit is tolerably shorter, but barely. “The Final Countdown 2000” is an affront to rock music and everything its fans enjoy. It is pure pandering to people who would never have bought a Europe album in the first place. Is that what Sony felt they had to do in order to make it a hit a second time? Imagine if Europe recorded a new version with both guitarists instead. The song was already pop enough to be a hit again on the wave of 80s nostalgia. It didn’t need to be mutilated to fit into a dance remix. It surely would have done better than this (#6 in Sweden, #36 in the UK).
As a consolation prize, this CD single includes a single edit of the original song. All it’s missing is the countdown opening. After hearing the dance version twice, it sounds strangely sluggish (even though it’s not). It’s like taking an offramp from the highway into normal traffic.
Possibly the worst single I’ve ever bought. And I’ve bought Puff Daddy.
0.5/5 stars
GETTING MORE TALE #788: Formerly Storemerly
I visited an old store recently. It was the first one I managed. Well, not exactly. I visited the location that replaced my old store, a few feet away from its original location in a strip plaza. I hadn’t been in the moved and refurbished store before. My first impression was that it felt smaller and cramped, but that could be just an optical illusion. It could be physically smaller; or it could just have a lot more stock.
The store today includes a lot more DVD and Blu-ray content than before, which was always the goal. I don’t really buy movies anymore so I skipped ahead. When I go music shopping, I’m looking for music. There was a small bargain bin, not as large as the old, but with the same old stock. Need any Our Lady Peace?
There was a decent bin of used vinyl and this is where I spent most of my money. Unfortunately, I cannot detail for you what I purchased as it’s all intended for Christmas gifts. I can tell you that I bought some 12” singles and an interview picture disc. The interview disc was way overpriced but the singles were cheap. I also picked up Fleet Street by Fist on vinyl, a surprising find. I always wanted the album with “Thunder In Rock”. I paid $9.99 which is a bit on the high side for a copy in this condition.
The CD selection was a lot of same-old-same-old but there were a couple things I always meant to pick up. One was Alice Cooper’s Classicks for $5.99. 24 years and I never bothered to pick up this compilation. It’s good to have for the live tracks from the Trashes the World video. A full Trashes the World soundtrack would be preferable, but I’ve waited long enough. I knew they always have a copy or two in stock, and they did.
I was disappointed that the soundtracks section had been severely downsized. Now, historically, soundtracks were one of our worst-selling sections. It was always too large for the store, bursting at the seams with titles we had in stock for years and years, often in duplicate. The solution shouldn’t have been to downsize it so severely, but to just get more selective about what to buy. I did find one score, which was Jerry Goldsmith’s Star Trek: Insurrection for $6.99. (I wish I didn’t sell my Goldsmith Planet of the Apes score back to the store for nothin’, back in the day. I’m trying to expand my own soundtracks section.) They could have a great soundtracks section, they just need someone who knows their soundtracks to recalibrate the CD master list.
The store was clean, but I spotted a couple problems that only an ex-manager would see. These things would have gone down as red X’s if it was the old bosses inspecting me.
Big Brother and the Holding Company filed under Cheap Trick. The album is called Cheap Thrills, hence the mistake. We used to put this one under the Janis Joplin header card; she was their lead singer. It’s the one with “Piece of My Heart” on it, Janis’ biggest hit. It’s always been a problem getting this album filed correctly. It used to end up lost and forgotten under “Misc C”. But if you file it under Janis, it sells right away.Hard to imagine the store getting so lax on filing. Remember Record Store Tales part 127?
I enjoyed my visit, with some good buys and a couple overpriced records. It was good to see they were so busy, just like the old days. Filing is still a problem, just like the old days! I wonder how that manager does on their surprise store inspections? Better than I did, I assume!
Did you sit through Monday Night Football to watch this? The final trailer from the final film in the Saga has arrived. This is the last time we will analyze a Saga trailer for clues.
Some thoughts:
Otherwise at first glance, not much in the way of new spoilers with this trailer. Lots of our heroes, a little of Kylo, and a little of Lando Calrissian.
What was the black figure that Rey and Kylo (with original mask) shattered? The old-school Star Destroyer emerging from the water?
Get ready for December 20.
TWISTED SISTER – Big Hits and Nasty Cuts (1992 Atlantic – Canadian CD)
When Twisted Sister split at the end of 1987, they went rather quietly into that goodnight. No big magazine articles, no solo projects incoming, not until 1992 when Dee Snider finally re-emerged with his new band Widowmaker. It was a quiet five years, broken only by the low key release of Twisted Sister’s first “greatest hits” compilation in March of that year.
Big Hits and Nasty Cuts was a compilation that both fans and band deserved. No careless cash grabs here. In 1992 it’s doubtful that Atlantic thought they’d be making much money off “I Wanna Rock”, one of the biggest cheerleaders of the obsolete generation. While Kurt Cobain cashed his biggest royalty cheque yet, J.J. French was writing the liner notes for this CD. (Mark “The Animal” Mendoza did the remastering with Ted Jensen.)
For the era, Big Hits and Nasty Cuts was one of the most fan-friendly, value-intensive CDs on the market. Even better for American fans, this time they got the bonus track! The album was split into two sides — the hits and the “nasty cuts”, all rare B-sides recorded at the Marquee club in England. Fortunately the entire show has since been issued by Rhino, but in 1992, very few fans had the original 12″ singles these songs were sourced from. Another rarity included was Twisted’s first single, “I’ll Never Grow Up, Now!” These were first releases for the CD format! Good thing too, because “I’ll Never Grow Up, Now!” is indelible as any of the hits.
The hits portion of the album isn’t quite predictable. Would you have expected the heavy metal uppercut “Under the Blade”? Or the raw “Shoot ‘Em Down”? Here they are, and thanks to the liner notes, you can find out why. (Oh fine, we’ll spoil one. “Under the Blade” was included because it’s been played at every Twisted show since it was written.) The three biggest hits are present and accounted for. “I Wanna Rock” and “We’re Not Gonna Take It” would be the two hits that everyone knows, and “The Price” is runner-up.
Also present: “I Am, I’m Me” and “The Kids Are Back” demonstrate Dee’s early knack for melodic songwriting, very punk-like in its simplicity especially when coupled with Twisted’s 4/4 rock. “You Can’t Stop Rock and Roll” also had to be here. Perhaps it’s Twisted’s best metal anthem. Finally “Be Chrool to Your Scuel” featuring Alice Cooper ends the hits side with the last one chronologically. (“Bad Boys of Rock and Roll” on the US version.) There’s no “Leader of the Pack” and no “Hot Love”. All hail the classic lineup: Dee Snider – lead vocals. J.J. French – guitar. Eddie “Fingers” Ojeda – guitar. Mark “The Animal” Mendoza – bass. The late, underappreciated A.J. Pero – drums. The lineup that set MTV on fire relied on catchy videos, yes, but the songs have survived equally well.
The nasty cuts may just be too heavy for the average listener. Recorded to 2-track tape, there’s no fixing the mixes here. The lengthy start to “What You Don’t Know (Sure Can Hurt You)” includes Lemmy’s intro and plenty of noise. There is no overlap with any other songs on the CD. “Destroyer” grinds so hard it’s almost a parody of itself. “Tear It Loose” is out-of-control fast, blowing away the album version. The US got “Run For Your Life” right after “Tear It Loose”, another fast rendition once it kicks in. (In Canada, “Run For Your Life” was only on cassette.) The cover tunes “It’s Only Rock ‘N’ Roll” and “Let the Good Times Roll/Feel So Fine” include plenty of crowd interplay. Just the thing to turn off Joe Average Listener, but amazing to hear the energy of the band and audience that night.
The live cuts really highlight, with 20/20 hindsight anyway, the power of A.J. Pero. The guy could really kill a drum kit, and his timekeeping is the cornerstone of what made Twisted Sister heavy.
Don’t buy this CD if you’re looking for a party CD. Buy it because you’re intrigued and want to learn more about a band who doesn’t get enough credit for being one of the world’s most dangerous. Buy it to check out the rarities and get a taste of what those in the know had in their collections back in 1983. Buy it because you’re going to get liner notes and photos of band members you never even heard of before. Buy it because this is a great compilation, done with loving care and value.
5/5 stars
Sit down Sykes fans, because I’m a Vai kid and this is “my” Whitesnake. The fact that this lineup existed at all is miraculous. The most creative guitarist of all time joining one of the most successful commercial rock bands at the peak of their popularity? Recipe for, at the very least, interesting history. And absolutely perfect box set fodder.
So here we are buying Slip of the Tongue for at least the third time, and finally getting it (mostly) right. At a quick glance, it appears the only detriment to buying this box set is that you will not get the complete Live at Donington concert on CD. In order to fit the whole thing on one CD (disc 6), they axed all the solos. Let’s face it folks. When your band includes Steve Vai, you don’t cut the solos. You’ll have to shell out for the original triple disc Donington set to get them on CD. The good news is that the whole Donington concert is still here on video, on a fully-packed DVD (disc 7). (The DVD also includes a detailed interview with David Coverdale and Adrian Vandenberg, touching on Adrian’s mysterious 1989 wrist injury.)
The running order of the songs on Slip of the Tongue, the 30th anniversary remaster, has been slightly shuffled. It’s strange and off-putting enough that I’m keeping my old copy of the album, so I can still listen to it the familiar way. “Sailing Ships” isn’t the last song? “Fool For Your Loving” is. The bonus track versions included, with alternate solos and guitar fills, are stunning additions. Then there’s an entire CD, the “Wagging Tongue” edition, with the songs in the correct order but interviews with David interspersed. This is a reproduction of a vintage 1989 promo CD, for contemporary perspective. Disc 3, the “Evolutions” CD, is a favourite. The “Evolutions” series of tracks, now a Whitesnake reissue trademark, mixes early demos with later demos and and even later versions, so you can hear the tracks evolve as you listen. It’s deconstruction and reconstruction in one. Importantly, you finally get to hear what the album would have sounded like before Steve Vai came in to record it. Disc 4 includes 16 monitor mixes, including some superior rarities. Finally, after 30 years of waiting and teasing, we get the unreleased tunes “Parking Ticket”, “Kill for the Cut”, and “Burning Heart” (originally by Vandenberg). We also get “Ain’t Gonna Cry No More” and “We Wish You Well”. Verdict? Worth the wait. Oh, so worth the wait! There’s no reason some couldn’t have been released as B-sides in 1989, and they should have! “Parking Ticket” has a neat Van Hagar-like, and could have been a summer hit.
Disc 5 is “A Trip to Granny’s House”, actually the name of a rehearsal studio they used. These funny tapes, “Wheezy Interludes & Jams”, are informal fun. A highlight is the funky “Death Disco”, not unlike some of the stuff Purple were doing with Tommy Bolin towards the end. These tracks predate Steve Vai’s involvement, so you’ll get the purity of Adrian’s original playing.
I look forward to investing more time with this box set. Let us hope that David continues to empty the vaults. Next up: Restless Heart?
My journal is loaded with stuff that didn’t make it into the original Record Store Tales. Sometimes I’ll let some of this material “squeak” out. Here’s one!
Date: 2007/08/23 20:51
Title: Farts
I’ve been having the farts something fierce today. But not those juicy, squishy farts. These are the ones that are more whistle-y, flute-like. Which of course are some of the smelliest.
Yes, I journaled that. Enjoy your Sunday.
The Rise of Skywalker has been light on trailers compared to other Star Wars films. The final trailer comes this Monday. What are you hoping to see?
My arbitrary wishes:
How about you?
GETTING MORE TALE #787: Mix CD 19 – “The Green Album”
As we’ve done in the past, let’s have a look at a mix CD I dug up, from about a decade ago. It’s an interesting mix, made mostly of stuff I found online. Any time I’d gather at least 80 minutes worth of downloads, I’d burn them to a CD. I considered that to be a much more permanent format. This disc is really just an archive of things I downloaded during a certain period of time in 2008. The title 19 suggests that it’s the 19th such archive CD that I burned. More than that though, I made it a good listen. As usual there are surprises and a few attempts at buffoonery. Let’s dive in.
The first thing to notice: There are 23 tracks on the CD, but 19 listed on the front sleeve. That means I hid four comedic bits somewhere between the songs, to be discovered by surprise. That’s why I left off the track numbers.
The opener “Big Yellow Joint” is a jingle from the TV show Arrested Development. Remember the Banana Stand? In the 60s it was a popular place to meet to buy and sell weed! But that’s out of the way quickly and it’s “25 or 6 to 4” by Chicago from a very poor quality mp3. “25 or 6 to 4” is the definitive rock song with a horn section. Find me a better one.
Then, seamlessly, it’s an old childhood favourite: “Bad to the Bone”! When you make a mix CD, the software generally defaults to a three second gap between songs. I liked a tighter flow than that, so I always used one second or even no gap. This disc is almost 80 minutes long so I used every second I could find. The transitions on my mix CDs are always top notch. After George Thorogood, it’s Pat Travers with “Snortin’ Whiskey”. I was probably hearing these tracks on the radio a lot at the time, so I downloaded ’em and burned ’em.
A really terrible sounding mp3 of “Sonic Reducer” by the Dead Boys reflects my love of the movie Hard Core Logo. It started with the H.C.L. version of “Sonic Reducer”, and then Pearl Jam’s cover. If I liked those, I figured I should download the original. But all this proves to me is why you need to buy the CD. Downloaded versions suck. This is sonically not up to par and I’m surprised I was satisfied by this 10 years ago.
The first audio hoodwink follows the Dead Boys. It’s a 30 second clip from the movie Walk Hard, starring John C. Reilly as Dewey Cox. This clip features Jack Black as Paul McCartney, Paul Rudd as John Lennon, Justin Long as George Harrison, and Jason Schwartzman as Ringo Starr.
Having a chuckle at the Dewey Cox clip is a perfect way to transition over to a couple good reggae songs by Inner Circle: “Sweat” and (of course) “Bad Boys”! Have a laugh, then get down and dance. I like what I did here, if I do say so myself! Going from that back to rock and roll is tricky, but I think I pulled it off with the very poppy “Fire, Ice & Dynamite” by Deep Purple (Mk V). It’s an oddball rarity, only ever appearing on a Deep Purple DVD as a video slideshow.
One of my favourite 80s songs, the Grateful Dead’s “Touch of Grey” still pleases today. I can only handle the Dead in small doses, but this is my favourite of their songs. It’s probably 50% pop and 50% nostalgia. In keeping with the 80s, it’s Guns N’ Roses’ “Sweet Child O’ Mine”, a live version with the 1999 lineup supposedly intended for the Sandler flick Big Daddy. Immediately following is a live version of “Dead Flowers” from an earlier time. Ah, Limewire! I remember regularly typing in searches like “Guns N’ Roses rare” or “Guns N’ Roses live” and downloading anything I could get my digital digits on. It was also hit and miss in terms of quality. These are bootleggy but not excessively so.
I remember watching Napoleon Dynamite a fuck of a lot back then. I used the presentation Napoleon gave about the Loch Ness monster for the next unlisted comedy bit. Then it’s another rarity, also only available as a bonus track on a DVD: “Nobody Knows What It’s Like to Be Lonely” by Motley Crue. The track is 7:05 long, and every fan of Too Fast For Love needs to hear it and have it. “Song to Slit Your Wrist By”, which I used to think was by Motley Crue but is actually by Nikki Sixx’s 58, is a waste of time that I shouldn’t have included. I thought I had downloaded a rare Japanese bonus track. In a cruel twist, Motley included a 58 song on the Japanese edition of Generation Swine, forcing me to seek it out, not realizing it wasn’t actually Motley Crue.
In the very first instalment of Getting More Tale called That Crush on Avril, my not-so-secret affection for Avril Lavigne was revealed. Let’s be honest, folks — her second album rocked. I still like it. She’s never rocked heavy like that since, and I’ve long since gotten off the train. This CD has a rare acoustic version of “Complicated”, but far better then that is Weird Al’s parody “A Complicated Song”.
“Why’d you have to go and make me so constipated?
‘Cause right now I’d do anything to just get my bowels evacuated,
In the bathroom I sit and I wait and I strain,
And I sweat and I clench and I feel the pain,
Oh, should I take laxatives or have my colon irrigated?”
Keeping the comedy going, it’s a clip from Arrested Development with Jason Bateman and Michael Cera. It’s a good show; you should watch it.
In 2008, Harem Scarem released a free official download: a recent live version of “Hard To Love”. This was intended as a final gift to fans, since the band were breaking up. Temporarily, thank you very much! The live version shows off the band’s impressive singing abilities, and of course being an official download, the sound quality is all but perfect. I followed that with a live radio performance by ex-Tesla guitarist Tommy Skeoch, a song called “I Left the Circus”. Well, I think technically he was kicked out of the circus. It’s a jokey song about Tesla. According to Skeoch in the intro, one of the guys from Tesla heard it and took it well. “Although he’s kind of a pompous fuck and I don’t really like him.” I’m glad I downloaded this; I don’t know how you’d find it today. Who knows what radio show I downloaded it from. The LeBrain Library™ is a storehouse for things like this. I keep things that the record companies lose in massive fires.
Too soon?
In the late 80s, Robbie Robertson had a popular single called “Somewhere Down the Crazy River”, from his solo debut. Some like it, some hate it, but it’s a remarkable song. It sounds both retro and futuristic. It featured a weird electronic instrument called the Omnichord, and an explosive chorus accompanied by Sammy BoDean. A lot of this CD, scattershot as it is, features songs I enjoyed in my youth, but don’t own the albums. I should fix that.
After a final sketch from the movie Superbad (“I’m gonna cry myself to sleep every night. When I’m out partying”) it’s the ultimate rock comedy of all time. Can you guess what that might be? No, not Spinal Tap. No, not Bad News either. It’s Van Halen’s isolated vocal track of “Runnin With the Devil”!
Weird CD indeed, random but with a lot of effort to make it cohesive and listenable. I’ll give myself:
4/5 stars
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