kiss

Part 53: Heavy Negotiations

Sometimes, things just came into the store that no matter the cost, you had to get it. You’ve all seen Pawnstars, right? It could get that way. 99% of transactions were pretty ordinary, but sometimes you’d get a pretty wild score, and you couldn’t back down.

You’d see imports, singles, bootlegs, promos, special editions, bonus tracks, bonus discs, and sometimes damn near complete collections of several artists.  Tom tells the legend of a guy who came in selling a near complete Zappa collection.

There was one guy that I just loved. We’ll call him C. He was addicted to hard rock, heavy metal, and Euro metal. He was a collector and he had numerous Japanese imports. And frequently, he sold us those Japanese imports, of just about anything decent. A few that weren’t so decent, but very very few.  I don’t know where he got the stuff, and I didn’t ask.  None of my business!

Thanks to C, I have a pretty close to complete collection of Japanese Harem Scarem imports, Bruce Dickinson, and Journey. Whoop de do for a lot of you, but these things are mucho expensivo to buy! Why?

In Japan, it is actually cheaper to buy a CD imported from America then their own (superior) domestic product.  So the Japanese counteract this by putting bonus tracks on their domestic product.  Much of time, these are songs specifically exclusive to Japan.

A really good example of a song written and recorded specifically for the Japanese market would be “Tokyo is Burning” from W.A.S.P.‘s K.F.D. album.  Another would be “Himalaya” by Glenn Tipton.  (Ignore that the Himalaya mountains are not in Japan, please, I’m guessing Glenn didn’t know that when he wrote it.)

There are collectors in every city and every town who pay premius prices to get these discs imported here from Japan.  Average prices can run from $35 to $50 for a single disc, much more if you’re talking about multi-disc sets.  The most I ever paid for a single Japanese disc (new) was $80  (Come Hell Or High Water by Deep Purple), and the least I paid (new) was the “Woman From Tokyo” single by the same band.

So back to the point, these discs were worth coin.  And C might actually bring in 4 or 5 at a time.   I recall he brought in 4 Harem Scarem imports at one time, each with bonus tracks.

Now, C wasn’t stupid.  He knew that if he didn’t get what he wanted for the discs, he could try downtown where there were more collectors and afficianos, and fewer hockey moms.  However, he also knew it would be much easier to come to me personally, because I knew what I was doing when it came to imports.

And frequently, since I was usually seeing stuff I wanted for my own collection, I’d be willing to up the ante when needed.  Since I frequented Amazon, I knew exactly what these things were worth.

One of the coolest things he ever brought in was a Helloween Japanese box set, 4 discs.  I’m shooting myself in the foot for not picking it up back then.  I’ll never see it again, I’m sure. 

Often, the Japanese imports were packaged with extra goodies:  stickers, extra booklets, patches, posters.  To find a used Japanese import with these goodies still intact was very rare.  That ups the value as well.  And for the ultimate collector, Japanese discs come with something called an obi-strip.  They are a piece of paper with Japanese writing on it, that goes over the jewel case of the CD.  This is what they look like:  click to embiggen

    Because the obi strip is actually outside the jewel case, it’s hard to keep, and most people end up throwing them away.  Add a couple bucks to the end value of a CD if the obi strip is intact.  See how this goes?

Unfortunatley,  C usually threw out to obi strips, so most of my Japanese imports lack them.  You can easily store the obi strip by putting your CD in a sandwich bag as you can see with my Bon Jovi single. 

One of the drawbacks of dealing with C is that he became used to a certain level of money when he came in.  And, nobody else liked C.  They all hated him.  I heard it had something to do with him chewing gum when he talked.  Never mind the cool-ass shit he brought into the store that nobody else in town could get!  So, negotiations could get heavy.  He knew what his stuff was worth, and if I could have owned it all, I would have!

Another situation where negotiations could get fierce were with large sales.  The largest I ever saw was an estate sale.  I can’t remember how many discs we looked at.  I’m thinking the number is close to 3000, all in one shot.  I think they were in these big gray convention containers that could hold about 400 each.  And there were 7 containers, plus a few boxes.  And in this case, it was good, good shit.  Sometimes, you’d buy a handful of crappy stuff just to get a mountain of good stuff.  Because the seller often wanted them all gone and not to deal with them anymore.   Clear slate.

When going through these big estate sales, you’d often have a pile of awesome jazz titles alone that probably numbered in the hundreds.  Blues, same deal.  Of course you’d also get boxes of crap, but sometimes you’d take it just to get to the blues and jazz titles. 

Inevitably, there were times when you just could not justify asking as much as the customer wanted.  I remember, very unhappily, having to turn down this Rolling Stones CBS years box set, which came with a bonus EP.  The box even had this neat paper tongue.  I just couldn’t give the guy what he wanted and still make any money off the thing.

Another one that sucked to turn down was the Cult Collection 1984-1990 box set. This sucker is hard to find. I just couldn’t give the guy what he wanted.  I wanted it for myself as it was, so I was willing to go even higher than the call of duty allowed.  Alas, it was not to be.  Thankfully, most of those tracks have been released on the Rare Cult boxed set(s), which I have…thanks to C!

Other great box sets I got from C:  Black Sabbath‘s The Black Box.  Bon Jovi’s 100,000,000 Bon Jovi Fans Can’t Be Wrong.  Metalogy, by Judas Priest, complete with limited edition DVD.  A complete Motley Crue Music to Crash Your Car To box set with the poster and stuff still inside.

Sometimes you’d see stuff that, if you don’t grab it, you’ll never see it again.  One of my treasures is an Aussie import of Faith No More‘s Angel Dust with a 4 song bonus disc called Free Concert in the Park.  Snagged it.  Never seen again.  On the Faith No More front, I also picked up a split live bootleg album with King’s X called Kings of the Absurd.  I have the first Tea Party album, which actually came in more than once.  I paid at least $50 for it.  Possibly $100, I don’t remember anymore.  There was at least one album that we could sell for $100, which was Standing in the Dark by Platinum Blonde.  And people would pay it.  I was offered a $100 reward once to find the album, as in, whatever the CD cost if I found it, plus a $100 finder’s fee.  I never did find it, but I later picked up Alien Shores at a cool hole in the wall in Stratford, and gave it to Peter.

Nowadays, just about everything I want is available from my sofa, even if it’s located in Japan. eBay and Amazon have changed everything about finding rare music.  Just a few weeks ago I snagged the Japanese disc of You Wanted the Best, You Got the Best!! by Kiss.  Been hunting for that since 1996.  Never seen it for sale anywhere, and the one I got was mint.  Got it for $40.  Incredibly, a month or so ago, I found one of the last two Maiden singles that I still needed.  I got “Hallowed Be Thy Name (Live)” for $35.  This single, thought at the time to be Dickinson’s swan song with the band, features a cover of Eddie impaling Bruce through the chest!

My advice to aspiring collectors out there:  Pick your #1 favourite band, and start on Wikipedia.  Explore the discography, and see what you’re missing.  Check eBay and see what the pricing is like.  Then hunt until you find one at the right price.  Good luck!

Part 46: Integrity Mix

 

 

 
Integrity Mix.

This was an idea that came from Kevin.  For a while there, he was making a new mix CD every month, made up of the best stuff he was listening to in the last 30 days or so.  The idea was, you’d have a neat chronicle of your most impactful listening experiences.  And a good mix CD in general.

Knowing that I was into making mix discs, Kevin passed this concept down to me.  I held it faithfully for three months.  Then it became every other month…every six months…when I felt like it…etc.

But, the end result is, I do have a chronicle of whatever period I’m capturing on those discs.

And I called them Integrity Mix.

For example, I have one here that was made in October of 2004.  It has goofy stuff (William Shatner).  It has stuff that reminded me of friends (“Mr. Bad Guy” by Freddie Mercury) and enemies (“Asshole” by Gene Simmons).

But there’s also a subtle common thread in some of the songs.  This was during a long stint in Oakville.  I was sinking pretty low at that time.  I was spending 2 1/2 hours commuting every day, minimum.  I was working long hours and I wasn’t eating right.   I was stressed beyond my limit.  But mostly I was lonely and homesick a lot of that time.

So you see songs with titles like “Wish I Could Be There”, “Comin’ Home”, “We Stand Alone”, “To Be Alive Again”, “By the Grace of God” and “The Battle Rages On”.  The sounds are equally melancholy:  “Loosen My Strings” by Deep Purple is an example, but it doesn’t get any sadder sounding than “This is the Day” by Captain Beefheart.  The mix disc from the following month, November, got even darker.

On the other hand, I have the mix CD from the month Jen and I got married.  It has tunes on it by Kiss (“And Then She Kissed Me”), The Darkness (“I Believe in a Thing Called Love”), the Beatles (“Here Comes the Sun”), and Zappa (“Peaches en Regalia”) which to me reflect a much more positive state of mind!

It’s cool that I have those discs, and they are always a great listen no matter what state of mind you’re in.  Think about it:  It’s the best of the best of the best shit you were listening to for any given month of your life.  I don’t get embarassed by what I was listening to 10 years ago, and we always have a blast playing these in the car.

Make your own Integrity Mix.  Try it!

Part 34: SPECIAL! “Bands That I Think Suck” FROM THE ARCHIVES!

I was cleaning out the closet two weeks ago.  I found a folder, full of old writing.  I found stuff that I had written with chums Danesh and Andy back in highschool.  But most interestingly, I found this.  This is not my first published work (that would be an article about turtles from grade 2 in the local newspaper).  This may be, however, my first published work along the lines of what I’m doing now.

Dating back to 1995, my second year at the store, I was already getting jaded!  This is my very first music article:  “Bands That I Think Suck”.  It was published in the University of Waterloo paper Scientific Notation as a comedy piece.  Thanks to Abbas Rizvi for doing so, wherever you are.

I still stand by most of this, but I have since grown to like Pink Floyd.  (See:  Part 28: The Boy Who Killed Pink Floyd). 

OK…ON WITH THE EMBARASSMENT!

Part 31: Quest For Music Videos!

Back in 1985 or so, MuchMusic was the window through which we discovered the vast majority of heavy metal.  For a while there, my sister had good taste in music.  Her favourite band was Motley Crue.  She was obsessed with their tall, tall hair.  I taped her the first two albums, Too Fast For Love and Shout At The Devil on two sides of a 90 minute tape.

Together, we watched a shitload of videos.  Our favourites were often the ones where the band seemed to be on some sort of quest, or adventure!  Some of these videos I haven’t seen in years, so forgive me if the memories are hazy…

Motley Crue – “Too Young To Fall In Love”.  It seems like some little kid is telling Motley Crue something important, and then they kick some ass.  My sister used to say to me, “I think that kid is telling Nikki Sixx to stand up.” 

Lionheart – “Die For Love”. You gotta see this one. Dennis Stratton, ex Iron Maiden. This evil guy in a white suit and a wheelchair has a pretty blonde girl captive! The band must come to the rescue! I hope their hair doesn’t get mussed! Good song though. Great song, even. SERIOUSLY funny video though, like those poses…the singer jumps around…they kind of dance-fight with the bad guys….

Queensryche – “Queen of the Reich”.  The Queen turned them to stone!

Thor – “Knock ‘Em Down”.  Thor (Also known of Jon Mikel Thor) was this musclebound metal singer, and his video was hilarious.  This evil space-witch named Pantera enslaves the population of the world below!  Thor, riding in his space ship (which is obviously a Millenium Falcon model with some battleship parts glued to it, and crewed by nothing but big-breasted women), beams down!  The evil space-witch shoots him with her red eye lasers, but Thor reflects it back with his mighty hammer!  The space-witch is defeated!

Dio – “The Last In Line”.  That video actually scared me a little, with the monsters leaking fluid and stuff.  I’m glad the kid got out of hell, although it looks like Dio has to stay.

Dio – “Holy Diver”.  Always the hero, Dio awkwardly weilds a sword that is obviously too big for his tiny frame.  But he does slay an ugly dude who doesn’t put up much of a fight.  Is that Jimmy Bain?  George used to say Vinny Appice is the guy forging the sword.  Is this true?

Grim Reaper – “Fear No Evil”.  The band ride into action on an armored APC (Asskicking Personnel Carrier), with spikes and tusks!  They must free the slaves of the evil minotaur.  Steve Grimmitt breaks the chains of the slaves with his bare hands! 

Armored Saint – “Can U Deliver”.  At least the beginning part, they seem to be looking for a sword in a desert!  A techno-coloured desert!

And of course, Kiss – “All Hell’s Breakin’ Loose”.  Gene doesn’t seem too impressed with Paul’s swordplay.  Vinnie looks less like a chick than in the previous video.  The post-nuclear holocaust seems to have somehow increased the size of women’s breases, if this video is to be trusted.

Part 26: You Wanted the Best, You Got the Best…

My Amazon reviewing buddy Tommy Morais suggested that we talk a bit about 80’s Kiss.  And why not?  I think 80’s Kiss is an under appreciated era.  Sure, some of those albums are under par.  But some of those albums are also among the best that Kiss have ever done.

It’s a good suggestion, so I’ll go with it.  Here ya go, Tommy.  80’s Kiss.  My take. In the order I got heard the music.

80’s KISS

I grew up in the 80’s.  While I knew “Rock and Roll All Nite”, my real introduction to Kiss was essentially “Heaven’s On Fire” and “Thrill’s in the Night”.  I saw the videos on Much and was surprised to discover that Kiss were not wearing makeup anymore.  And the songs were rocking and good.  Later on, a buddy brought over Lick It Up, and played, “And On The 8th Day”.  I said, “That doesn’t sound like the same guy singing,” and they said it wasn’t; they explained it was Gene Simmons (the scary looking one).

I was curious and started taping the music videos. 

Asylum (1985)

This wasn’t my first Kiss album, but it was my first 80’s Kiss album.  I had already acquired Hotter Than Hell and Alive (See Part 3: My First Kiss.)

My dad bought it for me at HiWay Market, in Kitchener, where the Zehrs is now.  It didn’t come with lyrics so I had to try and figure out what they were singing, a task I found very difficult. 

I knew “Tears Are Falling” already from the video, and very quickly my next favourite song became “Uh! All Night”.  I thought that the title was embarassingly bad even then, but the riff was so damn catchy.  Much to my surprise, “Uh! All Night” became the next video, loaded with girls.  I had no problem with that.  My next favourite song, “Who Wants to Be Lonely” became the next video.  I realized I had a knack for predicting the next Kiss singles, something I did without fail for the next three albums in a row.

The other two strongest songs on this album are Paul’s “King of the Mountain”, with Eric Carr’s thunderous drum intro, and Gene’s “Secretly Cruel”.  The rest of the songs are in my opinion pretty much filler, although “Radar for Love” isn’t bad.

Animalize (1984)

I taped Animalize off George, next door.  I taped it on a crappy 120 minute Scotch, it was all I had.  It sounded awful, and I think that might be part of the reason why I consider Animalize to be Kiss’ weakest. 

I love the two singles, “Heaven’s on Fire”, and especially “Thrills in the Night”.  My next favourite song is “Get All You Can Take”.  (I had no idea as a kid that the chorus went, “What fucking difference does it make?”  Like I said, I couldn’t really make out Kiss lyrics that well, and I had no lyric sheets.)  I think the rest of the album is very weak, especially when it comes to Gene songs.  “Let me put my log in your fireplace.”  Yow!

Lick It Up (1983)

This was the next 80’s Kiss album I acquired, on cassette, for Christmas of 1985.  My parents bought me a brand new duel tape deck, a Sanyo, and this was the first thing played in it.  I loved Lick It Up.  By now, I knew a lot of these songs from the Kiss Animalize Live Uncensored home video that I taped off George.  Yes this was my first time hearing the studio versions of “Young and Wasted” and “Fits Like A Glove”.   I quickly grew to love “Dance All Over Your Face” and of course “And On The 8th Day”.  Unlike the previous two 80’s Kiss albums, this one was loaded with excellent Gene material.  Finally, I grew to love two Paul songs:  “Exciter” and “A Million To One”.  Only the filler song “Gimme More” really fails to excite me today.

Lick It Up is the first Kiss album featuring their bare faces, played up by Kiss appearing on the front cover in just their every day street clothes of jeans and jackets.  The guitars are performed by Vinnie Vincent, a brilliant player.  When Vinnie is restrained, like he was with Kiss, his tones and solos are absolutely stunning and perfect.  When left to his own devices, he comes up with stuff like Vinnie Vincent Invasion.

This is, to me, tied for best Kiss album of the 80’s.  It is tied with.,.

Creatures of the Night (1982)

I taped this one off George as well.  It swiftly became a favourite.  Chock full of solid rockers, I swiftly found myself drawn to “War Machine” and “Rock and Roll Hell”, both angry and rebellious Gene songs.  There are really no weak tracks off this one.  I think “I Love It Loud” gets pretty boring after a while, but it’s still a classic Kiss song.  The drum sound on the original mix of this album is insane.  If you have the CD with the non-makeup cover, then you have a remixed version.  The drums are toned down.  The original is the superior version, and the one to own (if you only own one.  I don’t, I have both).

Although Ace Frehley was on the original album cover and in the video, we all knew that Ace was essentially out of the band by this time and didn’t play on Creatures. 

Unmasked (1980)

This, the second of the “Kissco” albums, is not particularly one of my favourites.  Even as kids, we found it pretty poppy, with not enough rock and roll.  We liked “Is That You?”, “Talk To Me”, and “Torpedo Girl”, but we found the rest of the album to be incredibly weak.  Much like Creatures, we knew that Peter Criss did not play on Unmasked, even though he was in the video.  The drums are ably performed by Anton Fig, who had previously played on Ace Frehley and Dynasty.

I loved the cover.  I know Gene and Paul don’t think much of the cover now, but you have to get this one on vinyl.  Playing off their comic book excesses, the cover are panels from a comic book, involving Kiss finally unmasking.  (Get it?)  And then they remove their masks, only to reveal that underneath, they still look exactly the same!  Which played into the face that although fans were begging to see Kiss’ faces, they weren’t going to take off the makeup just yet.

Music From “The Elder” (1981)

As the Kiss collection started to complete itself, I realized I eventually needed The Elder.  George dutifully taped Bob and I both copies.  He wrote the titles on virtually illegibly, and we ended up phoning him to ask him what the hell the songs were called!  “George, what does this say?  ‘Escape from the Ish’?  What is that?!”  And why did he write the album title as Music From?

George straightened us out, it was a concept album and that was the title on the actual cover.  “Escape From the Island” was an Ace Frehley instrumental and one of the only songs we liked.  We found the album pretty weak, but there were songs we kept coming back to, such as “The Oath”.  It was a pretty weird sounding album, then and now.  I mean, not too many three chord rock bands make ambitious concept albums, and the result is a blocky, awkward but intriguing mess of songs.  Yet I love this album!  Weird, eh?  Hated it then, though!

Incidentally, if you owned this album, and the concept made no sense, there’s a possible reason:  On the original American releases, the songs are in the wrong order.  The record company felt you needed to start with a rocker like “The Oath”, but the “correct” tracklisting (now available remastered) has “Fanfare” and “Just A Boy” as the start of the story.

Killers (1982)

Bob brought this German LP with the backwards “KIZZ” logo back with him from his summer vacation in 1986.  He returned with Killers and Alive II, which I recorded from him.  I eventually bought his copy of Killers, so this very copy I’m talking about is the one I own today.

Killers was a Europeans hits disc, pink cover, with the band in their Elder-era outfits, headbands andf ponytails.  However it represents a return to the rocking Kiss sounds of old, as it contained four new songs, all sung by Paul:  “I’m a Legend Tonight” (love it!), “Partners In Crime” (meh), “Nowhere To Run” (fave!), and “Down On Your Knees” (pretty decent uptempo Paul rocker). 

Bob and I especially loved “I’m A Legend Tonight”, but “Nowhere To Run” became a close second, and eventually overtook it. 

As a compilation, it’s a good one.  It has all the hits, including the live version of “Rock N’ Roll All Nite” from Alive!  The CD I have is from Japan, and has two extra songs not on the European one:  “Shandi” and “Escape From The Island”, which was edited off their version of The Elder.

 

Crazy Nights (1987)

For the first time, there was a two-year gap between Kiss albums.  Crazy Nights was a unique album experience for me.  It was the first time I had waited patiently for a Kiss album.  Asylum, which had come out in 1985, was already out when I first started seriously getting into Kiss.  George kept me up to date on all the Kiss news.  That summer, he told me that the album title was Crazy Nights, and that Paul had been writing on keyboards.  Keyboards, in Kiss?

The day the album came out, George got it on LP, and I recorded it as usual.  We listened to it at his place.  I wasn’t sure what to think.  These were all new songs and it didn’t really sound great.  The title track and first single was a lot more pop, we noticed.  Some of the Gene songs were just awful, and some Paul songs, not better.  “I’ll Fight Hell To Hold You” is one that I felt never sounded quite right. 

Little did I know as a fan that Gene Simmons had pretty much clocked out by this time.  He had gone Hollywood and Paul was steering the ship.  As a result, Crazy Nights is pretty Paul heavy, with only a couple decent Gene songs.  “Good Girl Gone Bad” is the best one, a slow burner about a young girl that Gene claims is the “best love I ever had”.  “No No No” is…well, I won’t go as far as to call it a good song, but it was one of the few fast rockers, and featured a smoking hot solo from Bruce.

Once again I predicted the next single, the ballad “Reason To Live”.  Ballads were huge at the time, but that one was not.  It failed to rocket up the charts, maybe because it was too light.  Too many keyboards.  Paul was no longer playing his guitar in videos, he was just wearing it.  This bugged me to no end.  It really, really bugged me.  Not to mention Kiss’ new outfits were anything but cool. 

For the first time, there was a third video, the much better “Turn On The Night”, a Bon Jovi-esque pop rocker with a very catchy chorus and Bruce solo.  Paul wore his guitar again in the video, but at least it was a rocker.  And my favourite song on the album.

Smashes, Thrashes & Hits (1988)

Rumours of breakup swirled in 1988, after the less-than-successful Crazy Nights tour and album.  I hoped and prayed for Kiss to return to rock.  Then, Gene Simmons co-hosted the Pepsi Power Hour in 1988.  He talked mostly about his new label, Simmons Records.  He was promoting his first two singings:  A “funk-urban” singer name Laz Netto (sp?) and a rock band from the ashes of Giuffria and Quiet Riot called House of Lords.  This worried me.  Clearly, Gene’s focus was not on Kiss.

He also announced the forthcoming release of a new hits album called Smashes, Thrashes & Hits.  It was to feature two new songs produced by Paul Stanley, he said, “You Put the X in Sex” (sic), and “(You Make Me) Rock Hard”.  He also said there was to be a new version of Beth, with Eric Carr singing.  At the time, to me, this didn’t bother me as a concept.  I liked Eric’s voice, but he had never sung lead on an album before, so this should be cool.  Unfortunately, Eric put no rasp in his voice, which I think sank his version.

As for the two new singles/videos?  Not only was “Let’s Put the X in Sex” pure pop again, but Paul wasn’t even wearing his guitar in the video!  He was just…dancing!  Dancing!!  “Rock Hard” was a better song, but once again, Paul was dancing.  And Gene?  He was completely clocked out.  Not only did he look like a transvestite, but he couldn’t even lip sync the lyrics correctly.  Watch the video.  Check it out.  At around 1:50, the lyric, “You turn me ’round”.  You can clearly see Gene mouth the words as “You turn me up”.  You doesn’t even know the words to the damn song, he was so clocked out at that point.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQj1LuY5b8M

Hot In The Shade (1989)

Paul did a brief solo tour with Bob Kulick and Eric Singer, and promised Kiss would be back later that year with a new album.  Paul’s promise was true, and in the fall I sat and watched the new Kiss video, “Hide Your Heart”.  I hoped it would not suck.

It didn’t!

Paul was playing a guitar again!  And it wasn’t some candy-coloured modern guitar, it was a vintage one.  The song was catchy with a good chorus, but was not overtly pop.  The video wasn’t about hot girls anymore, but had a story to it.  Perfect!  Kiss had finally started to catch up with where I thought they should have been going.

I picked up the album on cassette in Pickering, Ontario while on school field trip to the nuclear plant, of all things.  We stopped at a mall for lunch, and I picked it up at an A&A.  It was long and it took a while to absorb, but I immediately loved the pedal steel solo that opened the album.  That’s what I’m talking about!  It might not have been anything vintage Kiss would have done, but at least it was about the roots of rock again, not keyboards and ballads.

Once again I predicted the singles:  “Forever”, the acoustic ballad, was a great song with yet another killer Bruce solo.   You had to have at least one ballad back then, and Kiss gave us just one out of the 15 songs.  And it was an acoustic ballad, not a keyboard one.  Bonus.

The third and final and most confusing single was “Rise To It”.  Confusing because Gene and Paul put the makeup back on in the video.   In a flashback scene, Paul and Gene sit in a dressing room putting on their makeup, discussing the future of the band.  Could they survive without makeup?  Paul says yes, Gene says he’s nut.  Eric and Bruce, backs turned to the camera, “play” Ace and Peter.  Flash to the present day, Kiss kicking ass without makeup at a live show, then back to the dressing room.  “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Gene concedes, as they walk out together, fully suited up.

What were they trying to tell us?

It is known now that Kiss were attempting to woo Ace back into the band.  It would be a return to makeup, and the Elder lineup of Stanley/Simmons/Carr/Frehley for a tour.  For the first time, Kiss did not tour to support the album when it was released, but waited until 1990.  By then, the album had petered out, and Ace had declined.  The co-headlining tour with Whitesnake culminated in a disasterours show in Toronto where Paul trashed Whitesnake to the crowd for not letting Kiss use their full stage gear.  The crowd in turn booed Whitesnake, the first time, according to Steve Vai, he had ever been booed on stage.  He had walked onto the stage in front of a crowd cheering, “Yngwie, Yngwie, Yngwie…”, but had never been booed, until Paul trashed Whitesnake on stage.  Kiss did return later that year with their full Sphynx stage show.

Anyway, that was the 90’s.  As far as the 80’s ended, I thought and still think that Hot In the Shade was a step back in the right direction.  At 15 songs, it was too bogged down with filler, and I don’t think it sounded that great.  I never liked Bruce’s guitar sound on it, I felt it was unappealling.  I liked that Eric Carr had a proper lead vocal on his own song (“Little Caesar”) and I liked that the album ended with a seriously heavy rocker, Gene’s thrash-like “Boomerang”.  I was no longer embarassed by the band.

When they would finally return again in the 90’s, they had lost Eric Carr.  But they had also righted the good ship Kiss, with the excellent Revenge. 

But that, dear friends, is another story….

Part 24: Musical Embarrassment

Some record store peolple had shady musical pasts.  In the effort to appear cool, they would conceal any musical sins of the past.

Now, my musical sins are well on record.  Thanks to my sister, who emailed Craig Fee at 107.5 Dave FM on the Friday of LeBrain week, the entire region knows my musical sins.  But I don’t embarass easily.  She thought I’d be embarassed by:

  • Melanie C – I don’t own it anymore.  It was her “rock” album produced with Rick Rubin.
  • Hilary Duff – I liked one song called “The Getaway” that happened to work really well on a CD I made (cross-faded into “Somebody’s Out There” by Triumph).
  • Avril Lavigne – I still stand by her second album, which is really guitar heavy.  If it had solos and nobody knew who she was, it would have been considered metal.

Craig ended up spinning some New Kids clips in her honour.   She was a lot more embarassed than I was.  I wish I’d told Craig she also liked Rick Astley.  (hint)

Anyways, I don’t embarass musically.  I did have a misguided period in the 90’s when it was hard to find good new rock music, where I’d listen to anything.  I’ve since realized that there was a difference between albums you’d listen to at work, and albums you’d listen to at home.  Not necessarily the same thing.  I got rid of everything that I never listened to at home.

Some people at our store were not quite like me.  There was one guy who was a massive Barenaked Ladies fan back in grade school, but never admitted it.  My sister went to school with him and distinctly remembers that BNL was his favourite band one year.  Now that he’d moved on to the Grateful Dead, he didn’t want anyone to know his dirty secret. 

This is me in grade 9, baby.

Another had a massive crush on W. Axl Rose, and used to love Guns N’ Roses — she shall remain anonymous, since she doesn’t like people knowing this.   I don’t know how she fell out of love with Axl, but I do know that she hates stuff like GN’R now, both lyrically and musically.  I have a hard time understanding how you can swing from one side of the spectrum to the other like that!

And there was another who thought that Limp Bizkit was “#1”!  The following year, she was over Durst and onto the next one.  I can remember pictures of Durst being taped up everywhere from the counter to the bathroom.  Our store was a Shrine to Durst.  I also remember one guy stroked out his name on one of the posters…

Fred Durst Worst!

Meanwhile, I thought it would be more scenic to put up a giant poster of Kittie in the office.  I think I was right. 

I got made fun of pretty hard during my entire tenure for the music I liked.  The same guy who used to like BNL used to call me Cheese Metal Mike.  Cheeser, for short.  Well, at least I still listen to Iron Maiden.  Another made fun of me for buying Tesla.  The last album I got from Tesla was their recent covers set, Real to Reel, which I consider easily in my top five cover albums of all time.  Still love the band.  They kick a fuck of a lot more ass than, say, Mnmnmickelback….

There’s not much that embarasses me, certainly not music.  Girls I used to have crushes on, yeah.  Absolutely.  We won’t go there.  I already mentioned Sporty Spice and that’s enough from me.  If my sister had emailed Craig and had him broadcast the names of all my old celeb crushes, she could have really embarassed me.  Don’t get any ideas, Kathryn.

(OK one more.  I really liked Elizabeth Hurley at the time of Austin Powers.  Something about that accent.  (I ended up marrying a Brit, a girl of Sunderland heritage.)  A year later it was Kate Winslet, and a couple years after that, it was the lead singer of Scratching Post, whatever her name was…Scratching Post had one good song.  I wish I could remember the name of it.  I saw them live a couple times and they were really good live.  Shame their albums sucked so bad. )

To me, the most embarassing thing has to be coming in and selling every CD by a band.  If you have every CD, it means you really liked them.  I’ll never forget the guy with the Motley Crue tattoo who sold every Motley Crue CD when Vince was out of the band.  You’d also see the odd guy here or there who found God and unload a massive amount of music that they find distasteful.  I got a lot of my metal collection that way. 

I’m cool with anybody who finds God, no problem there.  But don’t tell me I’m going to h-e-double-hockeysticks for listening to Ozzy Osbourne.  That happened, in the store.  This one guy told me that Ozzy was the pathway to hell. 

I responded, “Have you heard his song called ‘Killer of Giants’?”

“No, I won’t listen to him at all,” said the guy.

“Well, ‘Killer of Giants’ is an anti-nuclear war song.  All of his old Black Sabbath lyrics are also anti-war or anti-nukes.  I would say that Ozzy and God have a common agenda when it comes to peace among mankind.”

He had no answer for that one.

In short, I’ve never been embarassed about anything I’ve listened to, be it the worst Mike Patton album I’ve ever heard (Adult Themes for Voice) or be it Puff Daddy’s remake of “Kashmir” with Jimmy Page and Tom Morello.  I don’t give a crap.  People have been making fun of my listening to tastes since grade 7, ever since I found Kiss.   (see Part 3: My First Kiss)

I got called out in grade 8 for wearing a Judas Priest shirt to school, in front of everyone.  It was a Catholic school.  How the hell was I to know that “Judas priest!” was a swear word back in the 1950’s or something!  I was embarassed for the moment, but my love for the Priest has only solidified over the years.  Through the departure of Halford to the Ripper years to the glorious comeback, it’s all been good with me.  (I’ll talk more about how heavy metal and Catholic schools didn’t mix back in 1985 in the future.)

Don’t let anybody tell you what music is good and what music is crap.  Including me!  If you like something because your friends like it, that’s not sincere.  If you honestly sincerely like something because it’s resonating with some part of you, then it’s true and good!

Part 20: I Believe In A Thing Called Love

I’m going to jump ahead.  My wife does not feature into the story until very close to the end, although she is a critical component to it.  I think it’s only fair that I introduce her early.   Jen has, shall we say…good but “flawed” taste in both music, and hockey teams.  (Take a guess which one.) 

RECORD STORE TALES PART 20:  I Believe In A Thing Called Love

When I met Jen in 2005, I knew I had met someone special.  I knew this was something I didn’t want to screw up.   I didn’t know one day we’d be married, but we might never have met if not for music.

It started with Stompin’ Tom.  I think I had told her that I had a stack of new movies, a huge bag of chips & a case of Red Bull, and was ready for the weekend or something.  She responded, “Sounds like you’re ready for a Sudbury Saturday Night.”  So right then and there, boom!  She was speaking my language.

Yes, Jen loves Stompin’ Tom.  I said she had flawed taste in music?  She still thinks Kurt Cobain is the greatest songwriter since John and Paul.  See what I mean?   Her favourite radio station is the grunge one on satellite radio.  I can only take so much grunge in my daily diet.

We bonded over a mutual love of the Beatles, Foo Fighters, Johnny Cash and the old school of country.  She was brought up on a steady diet of Beach Boys and oldies, where I had heard a lot of movie soundtracks and country music growing up.

There are some things I’ll never turn Jen onto.  I know that Kiss and Rush are a completely lost cause with her.  However, lemme tell you a lil’ secret that Jen doesn’t want people to know about.

One night we were coming home from a party at Lara’s house.  I was driving, and Jen had a couple drinks.  (She used to drink wine back then.)  We were coming back to my place after midnight on the 401.  I had Iron Maiden’s latest, A Matter of Life and Death, on the car stereo.  Jen was leaning back enjoying the drive, and then she sat up.

“Who are these guys?” she asked.

“This is Iron Maiden,” I responded.  The song playing was “For The Greater Good of God”, one of their more epic pieces.

I could tell she was really getting into it.  I kept glancing over at her.

“These guys…are…amazing!” she blurted out.  “This music is…wow!”

She claims to this day it was just the booze, but every once in a while, I play that song, and I catch her singing along.

Our wedding was pretty amazing.  For the ceremony itself, we had a Beatles theme.  The girls came in to an acoustic version of “Something” by George, solo.  We signed the register to “In My Life” by Johnny Cash.  We exited to “Here Comes the Sun”.  It was gorgeous outside.

My sister Kathryn played the cocktail hour at the reception with a jazz trio.  Her set ended with their rendition of John Williams’ “Cantina Band” from the first Star Wars!  Bass clarinet as the lead instrument, with guitar and drums backing…it was the perfect wedding version.

Into the dinner, I snuck in some Zappa (“Peaches En Regelia”) and some Kiss (“And Then She Kissed Me”)  We danced to more Beatles, tons of AC/DC, The Darkness, GN’R, and other good stuff.  I had the best music of any wedding I’ve ever been to.

And all because I have the best wife!

Part 12: The Pepsi Power Hour

RECORD STORE TALES Part 12:  The Pepsi Power Hour

I’m going to take you back in time a bit.  Back to a time before the record store….

I remember back to the 80’s and early 90’s when MuchMusic was king. Back when there was no Jersey Shore and they played actual music videos.  There was no internet at that time, so you had to go to the store to buy your music (more often than not, on cassette). To hear new bands, you watched videos on Much and listened to the radio. There was no YouTube.

There was this frickin’ awesome show on Much back in the day — you remember it. It was originally only on once a week (Thursdays at 4 if I recall) and was hosted by one John “J.D.” Roberts. Yeah, the CNN guy. After he left, the hosting slot rotated between Michael Williams, Steve Anthony, Erica Ehm and Laurie Brown and then finally the late Dan Gallagher. Despite his long hair, Dan didn’t know a lot about metal — he didn’t know how to pronounce “Anthrax” and had never heard of Ratt. But that show was by far the best way to hear new metal back in the day.

That show was THE POWER HOUR.

It was so popular that they eventually had two a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays at 4, which was awesome for me since by 1989 I was working every Thursday at Zehrs.  I could still catch one a week, usually.

I remember tuning in, VCR at the ready to check out all the new videos and catch onto the newest bands. There was this band called Leatherwolf that I found via Hit Parader magazine and first heard on the Power Hour. I loved that band. There was another band called Sword from Montreal. Psycho Circus. Faith No More. Skid Row. Armored Saint. Testament. You could always count on the Power Hour to have Helix on. That show rocked.

They had some of the best interviews as well.  Usually they’d have someone come in and co-host for an hour.  They had everybody from Gene Simmons to Brian Vollmer to Lemmy.  In depth stuff too, at times.

Then in 1990 something else cool happened. I discovered a magazine called M.E.A.T (the periods were for no reason at all, just to look cool like W.A.S.P. but eventually they decided it stood for “Metal Events Around Toronto”). M.E.A.T was awesome because it was monthly, free, and had in depth articles clearly written by knowledgable fans. There was no magazine with that kind of deep coverage. Even Slash loved M.E.A.T, at a time when Guns hated rock magazines! I loved M.E.A.T so much I eventually sent them $10 to subscribe to a free magazine.  I did this on a yearly basis.

I discovered a whole bunch of great bands via that magazine. I Mother Earth, Slash Puppet, Russian Blue, Jesus Christ, not to mention they were way ahead of the curve on alternative. They had a Nirvana concert review back in 1989. They got behind Soundgarden way before they were cool. And you could count on them hanging onto the oldies. They’d put an indi band from Toronto on the cover one month, and put Black Sabbath on the cover the next month.  Next issue they’d have an in-depth interview with Kim Mitchell.  They’d talk about bands that nobody else did.

Their CD reviews were my bible! My music hunting was probably 90% based on their reviews, especially since by then the Power Hour had changed into the 5 day weekly Power 30 hosted by Teresa Roncon, and sucked.  The started playing too much thrash and grunge and never gave the old bands a shot anymore.

Things have changed so much now. I never get into new bands anymore, back then I used to just eat them up. I guess new bands just don’t interest me anymore. I like my old time rock and roll. I did buy the new Sheepdogs, twice.  The last new band I got totally and 100% excited about was The Darkness, and that was, what…2003?

Yet I can’t get into these new metal bands. The music sounds so sterile to my aging ears. The rock has lost its balls. The album I have been most excited about in 2012 was the new Van Halen — a band that is approaching 40 years old. But my God does it rock.  Kiss and Black Sabbath both have new records coming out, and I’m excited about them, but I could two shits about the new Nickelback.

In a lot of ways, it’s a better time for music now.  With eBay and Amazon I’ve managed to fill nearly every gap in my music collection.  There are some bands that I now have complete sets of, and others that I am achingly close.  I’m missing 4 Maiden EP’s and 1 Deep Purple import, for example.  Back in the 80’s you didn’t have access to this.  You didn’t even have access to an accurate and complete discography.  It wasn’t until the internet that this kind of information was even available.

Aside from that, today kind of sucks for music.  Sure, it’s easier to find new bands now, but we did OK in the 80’s.  M.E.A.T turned me on to lots of bands, and they were always giving away sampler cassettes.  Much played all the new videos by all the  metal bands at least once, basically.  You had to work a little harder, but we only appreciated the music more.  It wasn’t disposable.

And there were a lot more new bands around that just plain rocked!

REVIEW: Gene Simmons – Asshole (2004)

GENE SIMMONS – Asshole (2004 EMI)

 This unfortunately titled album is easily the worst music that Gene has ever put his name on, and that’s saying something. Sprinkled within are some good ideas hither and yon, but by and large this is pretty much shite.

Have you seen the album cover?  Am I the only one who thinks that Gene bears an unsightly resemblance to Danny DeVito’s character from Big Fish?

If Asshole wasn’t choked down in production, it might have had a couple listenable songs.  “Sweet & Dirty Love” would be a killer opener. I believe this one is a Kiss reject. It sounds like it probably was, being one of the few rock songs on the album. “Firestarter” is a horrible, horrible cover, and the unfortunate first single. I have no idea why Gene thought it was a good idea to cover a Prodigy song, but this is also the same guy who covered “When You Wish Upon A Star”. Dave Navarro — lead guitar. (Who cares?)

“Weapons Of Mass Destruction” and “Waiting For The Morning Light” are both Kiss rejects. “Morning Light” as a ballad rejected from the Revenge album, co-written by Bob Dylan. (Not the lyrics though.) It’s nothing special, and that’s why it didn’t make the Revenge album, I guess.

“Beautiful” is non-descript and not memorable in any way. The title track “Asshole” is a catchy song, albeit a total novelty that only makes my road CDs today because it is somewhat funny. It’s a cover too, by the way.  (“Bucket full of pee”?  Seriously?  That’s a lyric?)

Bob Kulick (longtime Kiss collaborator since the early days) co-wrote “Now That You’re Gone”, another song that fails to stick in the memory. I couldn’t even tell you how it goes anymore.  Better is “Whatever Turns You On”, with its catchy sing-along chorus. Unfortunately, this pop song sounds like…God, like Sugar Ray or somebody from the 90’s that we’d rather forget.

“Dog”, co-written by somebody named Bag (a Simmons Records protege I think) is another unremarkable track. I couldn’t hum it for you if you held a knife to my neck. “Black Tongue”, however is remarkable. It is remarkable because it is, somehow, a lost Frank Zappa tape that Gene resurrected and wrote a song around. That’s Frank on guitar. The Zappa family sang on it. Now, I have no idea what the hell Gene had to do with Frank Zappa. I really know of no history there.  They are diametrically opposed musically. I love Frank. It’s great that Gene found a way to get some Frank music out there, but weird that it’s in such a contrived manner. Frank’s guitar is, of course, like butter.

“Carnival Of Souls” is another Kiss reject. It was written I believe for Revenge, considered as a bonus track for Alive III, rejected for the Carnival Of Souls album (though it lent its name to it) and rejected again for Psycho Circus. Four times rejected: Gene, take the hint! It’s because the song kinda sucks!  Its chorus jars awkwardly against the rest of the song, sounding like a different animal completely.

“If I Had A Gun” is another novelty song, but probably the best song on the whole album. It’s catchy, it’s fun, but again it sounds like some 90’s band that we’d all rather forget. Len, maybe.  Name a band, fill in the blank, I’m sure you can figure out a band that this sounds like. “1,000 Dreams” is this album’s “When You Wish Upon A Star”, just pure drivel, garbage, not worth playing.

And that’s the album. There’s also a clean version with no swearing, but what’s the point?

1.5/5 stars

Part 9: Back to Toronto


Regardless of the Kiss concert experience, and swearing to never to return to Toronto, Trev and I were both back there two weeks later.  We hit all the record stores one Sunday afternoon, did the whole record store tour, and were back late afternoon.  Awesome day.

I came looking for Deep Purple, and Deep Purple I scored!  I picked up the 25th Anniversary Edition of Deep Purple In Rock, which is a gorgeous CD.  Coming in a delicate CD case with autographs etched into it, it must be handled and stored carefully.  Mine is still pristine despite it being one of the greatest rock albums of all time.  I simply keep it in a plastic sleeve on my shelf, and never let the case itself leave the house.  I can put the CD into another case for transportation, or listen to it in mp3 format.

Yeah, I’m obsessive, but you break that case on me and you die.  They don’t make that sucker anymore!

I also snapped up the accompanying single for “Black Night”, which was numbered and came with two bonus Roger Glover remixes that did not make the 25th Anniversary album.  I can’t recall picking up anything else, but I’m sure I did.  Trev and I, we didn’t do record store shopping small. If we went down there specifically for an $80 Japanese import, we wouldn’t leave without it.  And yeah, we did pay $80 for a Japanese import when we wanted it badly enough.  Often, it might have been just for one or two songs.

Appropriately, I was wearing my Deep Purple Machine Head T-shirt.  I’ll never forget this detail. 

The same homeless man that helpfully told us that the solution to our transmission problem was to “pack that sucker full of grease” was back in the same place.  As we passed him, he asked for some change, and commented, “Right on, awesome album, man!”

Gotta give the guy credit for his taste in music, if not his skill with transmissions.