Ever play Euchre? Though there are many variations, it’s a four player card game with teams of two. It’s a fairly quick game and we usually finish one or two during our lunch break at work.
Now, our plant foreman, who is a real character, loves to stop by and watch us play. Offer tips. Or try to, anyway. He plays so fast that we can barely follow his strategy.
The other day he offered us a piece of Euchre strategy that had us all in stitches. It was a quote worthy of Yogi Berra. It was as follows:
“Now remember, it’s not about winning or losing. It’s about playing the game. You play to win!”
There will always be people who relish complaining. Maybe they feel that life wronged them somewhere. Perhaps they got up on the wrong side of the bed. Some people are just miserable and like to spread the misery. Others are just cheapskates. Whatever the category, we saw ‘em all at the Record Store.
If you don’t like a store, why do you shop there? Chronic complainers had many grievances, but were still coming on a regular basis. It’s not like we were the only game in town. We weren’t the cheapest either. So why did the chronic complainers like to make our lives misery? Every retail job has “horror stories”, but those are amplified in a buy-and-sell environment.
I think a lot of people used to have the wrong about idea about what a “used CD store” was all about. One of the old managers, Joe, used to say we were nothing but a “glorified garage sale” disguised as a store. A lot of complainers seemed to see it that way too. They wanted to haggle. They wanted a better deal than what was on the sticker.
Me personally, when I walk into a store, I don’t assume every price is negotiable. Some people do. I still know people who love to haggle. At the store, we all hated when customers tried. Only the owner had any real authority to haggle, and he didn’t work at a cash register.
We carried a small selection of new CDs in addition to our used stock. Some folks loved to whine about pricing. Chronic complainers would tell you that “Walmart has the new Metallica for cheaper than you.” Great, super, thanks for the help. You know that an indy shop can’t compete with Walmart’s buying power, right? Their costs were much less than ours, and there was no way to beat them. Why didn’t you just buy Metallica at Walmart when you were there if the prices are so great?
Selection was another subject for complaint. We might have had 10,000 used CDs in stock but complainers loved to point out what we didn’t have. “This is the only Zeppelin you have?” they’d ask as they held up a copy of Encomium – A Tribute to Led Zeppelin. “You never have any good Zeppelin. When are you getting more?” I’d explain that you can never predict when a specific used CD would be traded in, but I could put them on a waiting list. “Nah, I’ll just check back.” Well, then don’t complain when someone else snags the next Zeppelin before you.
We had a pretty good system for a waiting list. It was all computerized so if something particular came in, it would automatically get flagged. We could also have stock sent from other stores to pick up locally. There was one woman that only came in during our first summer open…a chronic complainer that eventually fucked off. She always had a complaint, every visit. You don’t have this, you don’t have that, why is this taking so long? She ordered in a CD from another store, didn’t pick it up on time, and by the time she came in (a month later), it was gone. I remember telling the staff, “Keep this one on hold. She’s really mean. Give her extra time.” Eventually though I had to put the album out and sell it. I know that we called and left a message that she only had a week left to pick it up. She still came in too late, and that’s when she ripped me a new one.
“I had to drive an hour to get here!” she complained.
“Would our Waterloo location be more convenient for you?” I asked, trying to be helpful but also hoping to dump this annoying customer on another store.
“NO!” she exclaimed.
Maybe you should have called in to see if the CD was still here before you made the trip. I would have. I think that was her last visit, and it was one customer I was happy to lose. The owner probably wouldn’t like to hear me say that, but he didn’t have to deal with her.
When I was running our website in the early 2000s, I received a complaint about one of our locations that would not refund some used CDs. I called the manager up to get her side of the story before I responded. She said that the guy was yelling and screaming and wouldn’t let her finish a sentence, as she was trying to explain the return policy. Some customers treated our female employees like dirt, preferring to deal with males. I got the sense that this complainer was one of them. He threatened to go to the Chamber of Commerce, but he didn’t get his refund.
There were also chronic complainers who primarily just sold CDs to us. They wanted a lot more for their CDs than you can offer, and sometimes even act insulted about it. When you wouldn’t give in to them (because you’re not allowed), they’d be grumpy about it, to put it mildly. There was one construction worker that came in regularly who was my first surly nemesis. (And no, he never sold me any Village People albums.) Then there was the prick that worked at CD Plus down the street. He kept coming in over and over again to sell, even though he complained each time. He had tiger-striped hair. What an annoying fuck he was. I sure was glad when CD Plus shut down operations and I never saw him again. (The former CD Plus owner, David Cubitt, still has his mullet but now sells beer for a living.) Whatever that fucking tiger-stripe guy’s name was, I couldn’t stand dealing with his arrogance.
Tiger-stripe loved to argue. He quizzed me about what kind of CDs we would pay the most for. At the time, the Beatles’ original albums were expensive and in demand on CD, so that was one. “We’ll pay top dollar for the Beatles, they’re still very popular.”
“Why the Beatles? Neil Diamond has sold more albums than the Beatles.”
Yeah, not the point man. You could buy a Neil Diamond CD brand new for half the price of a Beatles CD at that time, and he knew that. His store made their coin selling “super saver” titles.
Any time he brought in a bunch of discs, he would only sell a handful of them and keep all the best ones. If he could get more for them elsewhere, why was he coming to us at all?
The constant negativity of the chronic complainers could become a real drag on your day.
If you catch yourself complaining regularly at a favourite establishment, maybe it’s not a favourite after all, and maybe the problem is you.
SULTANS OF PING F.C. – Casual Sex in the Cineplex(Originally 1993, 2018 Cherry Red expanded edition)
What an odd situation, when an extremely obscure album you spent years and years hunting for is reissued in a 2 CD deluxe expanded edition, and is sitting there in stock on the Canadian Amazon store. 17 bonus tracks (16 of which I’ve never heard before in my life) now sit alongside the core 12 album classics in my collection. The world is a better place for it.
We reviewed Casual Sex in the Cineplex by the Sultans of Ping F.C. back in 2013, but it deserves another look now that it’s been expanded.
Casual Sex boasts a fun but snearing punky side, accompanied by hilarious shrieky lead vocals and lyrics to match. Top this confection with an Irish accent and loud guitars! Opener “Back in the Tracksuit” is a perfect example of this recipe: a blast of punk guitars & drums with the bizarrely catchy lead vocals of Niall O’Flaherty. Half the time, we couldn’t figure out what he was singing. “Indeed You Are” sounds like he’s singing “Konichiwa!” So that’s the way we sing it.
The relaxed poppier songs are just as good. “Veronica” is a cute serenade with strings and harmonica. Perhaps it’s inspired by early period Beatles, filtered through the Sultans’ own bedraggled lenses. “2 Pints of Rasa” is in a similar spirit: a stroll through the park on a sunny Saturday afternoon “drinking with the guys”…and with strings! In the lyrics, O’Flaherty proclaims to his girl of interest, “but I still like you, you are my ice cream.” Write that one down for the next time you’re with your significant others.
A broadside shot of breakneck guitars kick off “Stupid Kid”. The infectious chorus goes on for days. “You’re stupid, S-T-U-P-I-D kid!” I don’t think I’ve ever heard a more entertaining combination of snark and melody. “Stupid Kid” is among the best tunes on the album. “You Talk Too Much” is its twin brother, shrieks and surf-rock drums notwithstanding.
A rollicky bass intro kicks off “Give Him a Ball (And a Yard of Grass)”, and the body surfing begins! You can’t hear what O’Flaherty is singing for most of it, but it hardly matters. You can sing along as if you do, and nobody will notice. The party has only one lull: “Karaoke Queen” is OK, a little slack, but it is quickly followed by “Let’s Go Shopping”. It’s another one of those sentimental Sultans numbers about, well, going shopping. We always found the jubilant lyrics quite mirthful:
Put on your flip-flops and we’ll go shopping, dear
Put on your flip-flops, we’ll go flip-flopping, dear
You can buy crisps and I can buy jam,
You push the trolley, I’ll push the pram.
The sentiment stops there, since the next song is entitled “Kick Me With Your Leather Boots”! That means you can count on brisk, boisterous shenanigans. As a bonus, the lyrics planted the seed for me to seek out Schaffner’s bizarre conspiracy movie The Boys From Brazil. “Clitus Clarke” approaches being skip-worthy, but who cares since the final song is our favourite, “Where’s Me Jumper?”
My brother knows Karl Marx He met him eating mushrooms in the public park He said ‘What do you think of my manifesto?’ I like your manifesto, put it to the testo.
This album would be worth buying just for the one song. “Dancing at the Disco, bumper to bumper,” but then disaster! “Wait a minute — where’s me jumper?!” Niall goes on to complain that “It’s alright to say things can only get better. You haven’t lost your brand new sweater.” True, true. “My mother will be so, so angry.” But it’s impossible not to grin ear to ear like a gleeful hooligan by the end of it.
For years the original 12 tracks were all we had. Later Sultans albums could be found in the wild, but T-Rev always said the fun wasn’t there. He even found the single for “You Talk Too Much” which had “Japanese Girls” on the B-side. Nothing to him was as essential as the first album, which is easy to listen to end-to-end and then do all over again. Which is usually the way we listened to it.
How does adding 17 rarities change the listening experience?
Not badly, as it turns out. The bonus CD is only a punky 42 minutes long so it never becomes an exercise in testing patience. Seeing that information about this band is scarce already, it’s impossible to know how “complete” the bonus CD is with rarities. It seems to compile Sultans EP and single B-sides from 1991 to 1993. Other Sultans deluxe editions are out there comprising the later albums.
None of the bonus tracks are as indispensable as disc one, but that’s not the point. A blast of a time will still be had, with more of the same sound that endeared us to the band in the first place. There’s an early version of “Stupid Kid” from a 1991 EP, and a live recording of “Indeed You Are” from a 1993 EP called Teenage Punks. “Miracles” (from 1991) adds a hint of the Ramones to the stew. B-side “I Said I Am I Said” is fun like the album and makes a fine addition. Check out “Robo Cop”, and the live track “Football Hooligan” for a couple more songs that are hard to resist. Some, like “Turnip Fish” are just weird and more like early Alice Cooper.
Great to have more early Sultans, all in one place. Get yours.
Almost everybody hates puking. It’s one of the most unpleasant bodily functions, and everyone does it. Especially rock stars! I remember reading an interview with the rock band Kix in Hit Parader magazine. On the subject of tour stories, one of the guitarists was sick during one show. He had a puke bucket at side stage, but he missed and the puke ended up hitting an electric fan, which splattered the vomit all over the drummer. “But he felt better for about half a song!”
On the less funny side, too many rock stars died after choking on their own vomit. Jimi Hendrix and John Bonham come to mind. It’s a tragic way to go, when the rock and roll lifestyle eats its own young. Unfortunately the lessons are not always learned and rock and roll continues to be littered with tragedy.
But let’s keep it light this time.
I have always been a power-puker. I wake up the neighborhood. I’ve never puked on stage like the guy from Kix, but I do have a couple rock and roll stories.
At Sausagefest several years ago, I pushed it one step too far. Not with alcohol, but with food. That last sausage was a little undercooked and it didn’t feel right in my stomach. I was OK though the Saturday night countdown, and I went to bed after the music ended. I slept in my car that year, and I started feeling sick after a very brief sleep.
I woke up and I knew I was going to puke. I got out the car and walked towards the middle of the field. I didn’t want to puke near anybody’s tent. I could hear that some of the guys were still up and partying, but I couldn’t see anything. And then, I released the hounds:
BRAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGHHHHHHAAAAHHHHH!
BORRRUGHHHHHEEEEERRRRRRRHHHHHEEEH!
PLAGHHHOUUGGGGGHHHHHEAAAAAAR!
“You OK there buddy?” I could hear Tom asking from somewhere in the dark.
“Yeah I just ate too much,” I responded as I recovered. “Can you get me a bottle of water from my car?”
Tom made sure I was OK, and I slept great after that. I have no idea how late those guys stayed up, but I know that some years I have woken up in the morning only to find Uncle Meat and Bucky still hadn’t gone to sleep! There I was going for my morning shit, and these guys were still hanging by the fire.
It happened again a few years later, after Thanksgiving dinner at the cottage. I blame my mom for this one. She laid out way too much food, including tables full of chocolate and candy. As I did at Sausagefest, I ate too much. I woke up in the middle of the night again, knowing I was going to puke. I didn’t want to wake anyone in that small cottage so I went outside to the back yard. Then, once again, I released the evil from my stomach.
BRAAHHHHGGGGGHHHHRRRRRRRRTTT!
BLUUUGGGGGGPPPPPPFFFFFFFFFFFF.
HUUUAAAAAAHHHHHHHGGGGG!
I walked back into the cottage to find that I did in fact wake everyone, despite my best efforts not to.
Here’s the funny thing. In both cases, the puddle of puke was gone in the morning. Eaten by wild animals? Hope they enjoyed the meal!
Guest review by Holen MaGroin – part 2 in his KIX series
KIX – Cool Kids (1983 Atlantic)
Coming off the heels of their unsuccessful debut album, Kix returned to the studio with new producer Peter Solley to shell out what would be their most polarizing and least rocking album. Cool Kids is the most commercial album that Kix every recorded, pressured by Atlantic to deliver a hit after the failure of the debut to find an audience. This was 1983, just before Pyromania broke through the stratosphere to make melodic hard rock/heavy metal a viable commercial direction. Atlantic still had no idea how to market Kix, and also didn’t know what direction to push them in order to find an audience. For this album, they decided to push them towards the new wave aspects of their sound, forcing them to work with outside writers for the first time.
The production of Cool Kids is much more slick and pop-orientated than the rough and ready production of the debut. It’s obvious that the band was pressured into this direction, as a lot of the time they don’t sound comfortable in their own skin. Signer Steve Whiteman’s voice lacks its usual power and grit on this recording, likely being asked to hold back for the songs by producer Peter Solley. Another notable change to the band’s sound is the presence of new guitar player Brad Divens, temporarily replacing Ronnie “10/10” Younkins. This is the only Kix album to feature Divens, as Younkins rejoined them by their next album Midnight Dynamite. Cool Kids lacks the fiery and spontaneous edge of Younkins’ playing, and contributes even more to the album feeling sterile.
Despite these flaws, this is still a Kix album. There are still enjoyable moments throughout the record, quite a few actually. They are however, overwhelmed by the material that doesn’t work on this album. Opener “Burning Love” doesn’t introduce the set of tunes with a lot of power. Kix always has energy, but it seems to be counteracted with the sterile production and addition of keyboards. That being said, it’s a perfectly serviceable melodic rock tune, but there’s nothing genuinely exceptional about it. With it’s bouncy keyboards and lazy riff, it doesn’t sound much like Kix. This is one of the tunes that wasn’t written by the band. The title track follows it in a similarly sleek fashion, but is ultimately more enjoyable because it is more guitar-driven, and the band’s natural energy pushes through much more. It was also written by outside writers, but it is a very catchy tune. I’d say it’s a great melodic rock song for the early ‘80s. Unfortunately, it doesn’t sound much like Kix either.
After two tracks that fail to encompass the Kix sound, the first band-written track is up with “Love Pollution”. One of the only straight-up rockers on the disc, it’s also one of the best songs on the album. Written by Whiteman and Forsythe, the song burns along with a killer guitar riff and a lot of attitude, and accompanied by piano in the chorus that actually helps the song. A truly killer tune, one that I think represents the direction that this whole album should have gone in. It has a sound similar to that of the genre defying debut, but in a harder rocking vein. You can tell already that Kix wanted to toughen up their sound, though the shiny production doesn’t help that point across.
Next up is the outside penned “Body Talk” which used talk box three years before Bon Jovi, and also has one of the absolute worst music videos of all time. What the hell was the director thinking? Kix playing at what looks like a high school gym with only girls working out doing weird-ass synchronized exercise dances? Yeah, they really dropped the ball with this one. I find it strange that with this promotion Atlantic was confused about why the band weren’t doing well commercially. Luckily for them, Kix were still obscure enough that hardly anyone has ever seen that video. As for the song, it’s an uncharacteristic new wave workout, and a co-lead vocal between Steve Whiteman and drummer Jimmy “Chocolate” Chalfont. It’s a catchy pop tune, but it couldn’t be further from the Kix sound. Atlantic definitely missed the mark by making them record this one.
And if you didn’t think they could fall further into Flock of Seagulls territory, we get “Loco-Emotion”, penned by bass player Donnie Purnell. Steve Whiteman gets to play saxophone on this song, and for the verses it’s easily the weirdest Kix song ever. While the chorus contains a get up and go kick in the pants, the verses are just off-putting. Their first album used Devo primarily for what little new wave influence they had, but now they were courting the sound of several shittier new wave bands. Fortunately, from here on out everything was penned by the band, and there is nothing as jarring as this song.
However, a lot of these songs penned by Purnell are strange, and not up to his usual standards. “Mighty Mouth” is a powerful rock tune that gets bogged down by a very awkward and annoying chorus with Whiteman screaming the title. It seems a bit too cheeky for its own good, but is nothing compared to the campy “Nice on Ice” and the absolutely awful “Get Your Monkeys Out”. These songs lean hard on the bubblegum pop equation that was blended so successfully on albums before and after this with hard rock. Here, thanks to the shiny production, they sound cheesy and downright embarrassing. Thankfully, the album is redeemed with the two closing tunes.
Kix break the general rock standard of having the penultimate song be the worst on the album, by having the penultimate song be the best on the album. “For Shame” is an acoustic ballad years before “When the Children Cry”, or “Patience”, or “More than Words”. Beginning to see a trailblazing pattern? Yes, this is a heartfelt ballad that relies more on a nostalgic feeling than a sappy one. It uses the emotion of regret as the basis of the tune, which is an effective emotional connector. Whereas other love ballads seem derivative, this one seems genuine. The lyrics are very simple, but powerful. They detail summertime love that is lost with the passing of the seasons, with the two lovers unable to find each other afterwards Grease style. Thankfully, this song is stripped of the excess production that plagues most of the rest of the album, which keeps it sounding real, unlike other synthetic love tunes of the era. “For Shame” is a fantastic ballad, one that Kix would only surpass with a #11 hit on the Billboard charts (more on that when we get there).
They round the album out with the spiritual brother of “Love Pollution”. The other hard rocking song on the album, it features a writing credit from everyone in the band. It’s a speedy number the glides by ending the album on a high note. “Restless Blood” is an energetic kick in the pants to conclude the record with grace. Cool Kids is arguably the least essential Kixrecord, as it’s sound is the result of the label pressure. For the most part, it doesn’t represent the Kix sound, and a lot of the songs that do represent that sound, don’t get the equation as balanced as on the debut or any of their later albums. Thankfully, Kix would not let us down again. Atlantic finally realized that they had their hands on a hard rock band after this record tanked as bad as the first one. Our heroes would resurface again stronger than ever in 1985 with possibly the greatest album of their career. If this was the stepping stone that made Midnight Dynamite possible, so be it.
Kix: one of the most beloved and influential rock bands of the time that only made it big after years of great albums, legendary live performances, and a work ethic that never failed them. Unfortunately, they only seemed to stay there for the album/tour cycle of their classic Blow My Fuse. While over the years they’ve returned to being more of a cult act than a mainstream rock group, the effect the left on rock culture shouldn’t be dismissed. It’s common knowledge that Bret Michaels liked the group enough that he decided to “borrow” some moves from singer Steve Whiteman. Anthony Corder from Tora Tora called Kix a huge influence on the development of their second album Wild America. Despite all their influence, the band never seemed to secure a position as one of the most popular acts of the day. Bad management, label indifference, and being a little ahead of their time prevented them from becoming the multi-platinum success they deserved to be on every one of their albums.
As far as being ahead of their time, this eponymous debut was released on a major label in 1981, when even Mötley Crüe were still grinding it out on Leathür Records. Kix were one of the first hard rock acts signed from the decade, but were hardly acknowledged for it. This debut album sold very poorly, and original prints are tough finds out in the wild today. 1981 may have been just too early for a release like this to find widespread success. It’s also possible that Atlantic didn’t know how to market the band, as their debut album is an interesting and masterful blend of hard rock, new wave, and bubblegum melodies that sound like they could have come from the 1950s.
Produced by Tom Allom (Judas Priest, Black Sabbath, Def Leppard), the album is given a very punchy and dynamic sound. The drums sound big and chunky, and everyone is audible in the mix. Anyone familiar with the Kix of the later ‘80s may find this release a bit jarring at first. There’s a certain quirkiness to the songs that isn’t as prevalent later on in their career. This would be the new wave sensibilities. Not all the guitars are overdriven in a way that you’d expect from a hard rock record. There are a number of songs that glide by with clean guitars, and still manage to rock with a ton of energy thanks to the contributions of drummer Jimmy “Chocolate” Chalfont, and the contagious exuberance of singer Steve Whiteman. Of course, not all the record is this style, there are songs where the guitars have plenty of distortion, and they’re power loaded with midnight dynamite force.
The album opens with the scorcher and fan favorite “Atomic Bombs”. Starting with air raid sirens and some tasteful drum fills, the suspense of the song builds as a riff that Poison probably ripped off for “Look What the Cat Dragged In” tethers the song, and keeps it from completely going out of control. The first Kix song about blowing things up (a favorite topic of these Maryland hicks), it sets the tone for the album. It’s a relentless hard rock number with dynamics, and a nice solo that manages to create a feeling of the impending chaos of fallout. Opening with a rocker was a good choice; it gets people’s attention so that they’ll be more open-minded about what’s to come.
“Love at First Sight” is the first of the quirky Kix tunes. It’s a bouncy new wave influenced song, without any keyboards. If the thought of new wave scares you, it really shouldn’t because it’s so skillfully blended with these songs. It’s more Devo than it is Flock of Seagulls, and it shouldn’t turn off anyone even if they don’t enjoy new wave. The song gets a kick in the ass from guitarists Ronnie “10/10” Younkins and Brian Forsythe, as the distortion kicks in and the guitar solo gives the song the kick it needs to succeed. They were never the flashiest or greatest players of the ‘80s, but they were melodically wise, and knew what fit the song.
At this point in the record we get yet another change of pace, the ‘50s heart throb tune “Heartache”. With a bubblegum melody bound to get stuck in your head, that goddamn Kix band gives another change of pace. Rarely do audiences get this much diversity from a record of any genre. Kix would never release another album as eclectic as this one. Bass player Donnie Purnell locks in perfectly with the guitars and drums to give this tune an infectious energy that seems to fuel this entire album. The song builds with the addition of more guitars. The band has mastered dynamics, and knows just how to play them for the benefit of the song. The album is filled with tunes that blend each of these styles, some in which they are blended so seamlessly it’s impossible to pick what style is dominant. Take “The Itch”, the riff and song structure sounds similar to the underrated AC/DC tune “What’s Next to the Moon”. They’ve somehow taken that song structure and turned it on its head. Giving it breezy rock verses that build in intensity until the chorus which delivers another catchy melody complete with claps and gang backing vocals. The blend of styles shown on this album is seriously impressive for such a young group.
In case that wasn’t impressive enough, Kix closes the album with concert favorite “Yeah, Yeah, Yeah” (not an Alice Cooper cover). It’s a hard rock tune that lasts seven minutes, featuring the infamous rant from Steve Whiteman, complete with crowd noise. Steve is upset because the woman he’s been seducing has puked all over his floor. That’s a big mistake. Don’t puke on Steve Whiteman’s floor. Go outside and do that. The subject matter is juvenile, but this is rock and roll. It closes the album on a fast tempo upbeat note. Every song on here could be considered upbeat, no ballads, the energy never lets up.
As the album finishes a look at the liner notes reveals that this is the only Kix album in which they weren’t pressured to work with outside writers (at least of the ones on Atlantic). It can be concluded that this album is the purest distillation of the Kix sound. While I like some of their more hard rocking albums later down the line better, this album is interesting because of the fact that it and its much lesser follow up Cool Kids (the only Kix album I’m not overly fond of), contain a new wave style that the band would never return to. It’s interesting hearing the young Kix and what their original vision is. Some people consider this the best Kix album. Not me, but it’s still pretty damn good.
The Sultans album Casual Sex in the Cineplex has proved so elusive over the years that I put it on my “Holy Grail” list.
2012:Aaron FINDS THE SULTANS ALBUM and gives it to me for Christmas!
And there was much rejoicing.
2018: Reader Harrison from Australia alerts me that there is a 2 CD “deluxe edition” of Casual Sex in the Cineplex, in stock at the Canadian Amazon store.
Three left in stock! Ordered, shipped and delivered — thanks for the tip, Harrison.
In gratitude, I decided to do a Reader Spotlight on Harrison, a pretty cool guy who has now helped me solidify my music collection even further. Harrison graciously agreed. We had a chat and I asked him ten questions. Then he went and added more on his own!
Meet Harrison!
M: So Harrison, tell us how old you are and where you live, and what you’re doing at school.
H: I’m eighteen (nineteen in July). I live in Perth, Western Australia and I’m currently at university studying Professional Writing and Economics.
M:How did you discover heavy metal?
H: Pure chance, almost. My dad likes Led Zeppelin a lot and my mother likewise with AC/DC, so I guess I kind of always had it in my life but is wasn’t until my uncle passed on his CD collection to my family after digitizing it that I experienced a moment of clarity (to quote LeBrain). Among the many other discs of varying genres was a battered copy of Iron Maiden’s Best of the Beast (2 CD edition but only disc 1 included). By the first chorus of the third song (“Man on the Edge”) I was hooked. That disc got a lot of play thereafter and is single handedly responsible for starting my love of metal.
M: This helps explain why you love the Blaze era so much! Was there ever any other music you loved this much?
H: My dad has varied musical tastes and a diverse collection, so I got to experience a wide variety of artists. Before Iron Maiden came along my favourite band was the Electric Light Orchestra
M: Top five bands — GO!
H: Oh dear, I was dreading this question. Very difficult to do a top five, but here I go anyway.
1. Iron Maiden
2. Black Sabbath
3. Deep Purple
4. Dio
5. Electric Light Orchestra
(Honourable Mentions – Ozzy, Alice Cooper, Blaze, Zeppelin, Slade)
H:Well I’ve got some tales to tell but seeing as you can’t write your memoirs at age 20 that will have to wait until I’m older and (hopefully) wiser. I’m planning for it now though. I enjoy writing and discussing the reviews, so I hope to guest more in the future. I just want to keep them few and far between, to preserve the occasion.
M:Who would win in a street fight: Ozzy or Alice Cooper.
H:Hmm…yes…very deep question…very philosophical. They would never fight though. Ozzy can’t leave his mic stand for more than ten seconds, and Alice is too nice.
But for the sake of the question, Alice would. His head is bigger than a bat’s so he safe, and he once pulled a gun on Elvis. (Although he was promptly shown by Elvis how to deal with an armed man when you are unarmed.)
M:That’s right, Elvis was into Karate. Why the heck do you keep coming back here to read the garbage I post?
H: Firstly, it’s not garbage. Secondly, funny you should ask that, because there’s a bit of a tale involved (there’s a Japanese bonus paragraph if you want). In short, I stumbled upon your 2 CD Best of the Beast review a while back, and I enjoyed it a lot. The personal style and in-depth review was far better than the mediocrity I could scrape up from other sites. I liked it so much that I kept coming back to it (although I did disagree with some points). Eventually I branched out into other Maiden reviews before going the whole hog. It was definitely your writing style that hooked me at the start, followed by your great insights, humour and personality that kept me here.
H: Overload (which would make a decent Metallica album title).
M: Do you get a lot of concerts down your way?
H:Not really unfortunately. Of the classic rock and metal bands, AC/DC come here often. Sabbath has a couple times (they even filmed a DVD in Melbourne for some reason). Maiden seem to do it mainly for the album tours. While I’m sure we get a decent amount of concerts here, most of them are not by bands I would see (which might have something to do with the fact that most of them are pensioners now).
M:If you want LeBrain readers to know just one thing about you, what would that be? GO!
Dream Lineup:
Bass – Geezer Butler
Lead Guitar -Joe Satriani
Rhythm Guitar – Tony Iommi
Drums – Nicko McBrain
Vocals – James Hetfield
Keyboards – John Paul Jones
Acoustic/Harmony Guitar – Adrian Smith
Stats of Doom:
First album – Iron Maiden – Killers
First Concert – Haven’t been to one yet. Hoping Iron Maiden’s Legacy of the Beast Tour will be the one.
First Vinyl – Iron Maiden – Maiden Japan (notice a theme yet?)
First Bootleg -Iron Maiden – 24th May 1981
First album bought twice – None yet thankfully
Current Collection size – 45 jewel cases/digipaks
Thanks Harrison for taking part! If you enjoyed this Reader Spotlight, please do let us know in the comments. You could be next!
CRIME SYNDICATES compete for resources – food, medicine, and HYPERFUEL.
On the shipbuilding planet of CORELLIA, the foul LADY PROXIMA forces runaways into a life of crime in exchange for shelter and protection.
On these mean streets, a young man fights for survival, but yearns to fly among the stars….
SOLO: A Star Wars Story (2018)
Directed by Ron Howard
We are dangerously close to Star Wars overkill. With the announcement of:
A new trilogy helmed by so-so director Rian Johnson.
A new trilogy brought to you by the folks who gave us Game of Thrones.
A live action TV series from Jon Favreau.
And not to mention more Star Wars Story spinoffs (Obi-Wan? Boba?) and the only movie that really matters: the final chapter of the Skywalker Saga, Episode IX.
We are very close to oversaturation indeed. Remember when you had to wait three years between movies and much longer between trilogies?
Fortunately, Solo is a welcome addition to the crowded Star Wars family.
Solo was one of the spinoffs conceived by George Lucas before he abandoned ship. He’d been trying to do “young Han” since at least Revenge of the Sith, when he was pictured in concept art as an orphan raised by Wookiees. Lawrence Kasdan (The Empire Strikes Back) and son Jon wrote Solo, so you can be assured there is a level of authenticity here. Who better to write that space scoundrel? Nobody.
And who better to direct than Ron Howard? He came in under difficult circumstances after the firing of Phil Lord and Chris Miller, re-shot 70% of the movie, and pretty much nailed it too. Howard also brought in some of his regulars (brother Clint Howard and Paul Bettany) and threw in a literal ton of Star Wars references and crossovers. Solo is Easter Egg heaven.
Finally, composer John Powell created a soundtrack that is different yet founded in the Star Wars universe. Powell hybridized new and old themes together into a memorable score. He too included Easter Eggs, in his music. Listen closely when [SPOILER] the marauder Enfys Nest and her gang arrives. Powell utilised a children’s choir, as a clue foreshadowing Enfys’ young age under the mask.
Everybody was worried about lead actor Alden Ehrenreich as Solo. Admit it, you were too. Fear not, for young Ehrenreich (who is signed on for three films) nailed the role. His higher voice is the only niggle that consistently reminds you that he’s not the Han you remember. Similarly, Donald Glover fits into Lando Calrissian’s capes comfortably, including the suave talkin’. Billy Dee Williams should be very happy with the new Lando.
The concept of Han as an orphan is retained, but instead of being raised by Wookiees, his backstory is more aligned with the old Star Wars novels. He is a thief on planet Corellia, where he and girlfriend Qi’ra (Emilia Clarke) try to stay under the Empire’s nose. Corellia is a shipbuilding world with huge, expansive scenes of Star Destroyers under construction. When Han and Qi’ra are separated, he joins the Empire, as he did in the comics.
Han wanted to be a pilot, but got stationed in the muddy trenches to quell an uprising on planet Mimban. Han, you see, isn’t the best at taking orders. While enlisted on Mimban, he meets Tobias Beckett (Woody Harrelson) and his best friend to be, Chewbacca (now played by Joonas Suotamo). Solo is swept into the seedy world of organised crime where he is delighted to catch up to Qi’ra, and is introduced to her boss played by Paul Bettany. They both work for the dark, shadowy crime syndicate Crimson Dawn.
From an exciting pulse-pounding train heist to the Millenium Falcon, Solo keeps things moving. It’s one big set piece after another, including the Kessel Run. And yes, they used the novels as the source material. The Falcon does indeed make the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs, getting a little beat up in the process. By the end of the film, she’ll look a little more like the ship you remember.
The plot has its twists but you can foresee that some backs are going to get stabbed. Han’s backstory is over-explained a bit too much for a single film, but there is still enough left to explore should Solo 2 be somewhere in pipe. The truth is, the first viewing of Solo is less paying attention to the plot, and more looking for cameos. Speaking of which, characters tie Solo into movies as diverse as Rogue One and The Phantom Menace. You’ll see some stirrings of the early Rebellion, and Han’s intrinsic sense of right and wrong. You might even see a giant “fuck you” to the Star Wars special editions. [SPOILER] Han is definitely a “shoot first” kind of guy.
Things get a little muddled with a side character (Lando’s droid L3-37 played by Phoebe Waller-Bridge) with a passion for droid’s rights. Perhaps a droid-based Star Wars movie would be interesting for the future, but it was extraneous here. Solo is best when it’s giving you a tour of the Star Wars universe, from crime lords to the trenches on the front lines of the Empire. Trench warfare on Mimban is directly inspired by the muddy fields of World War 1, and it’s far better than any of the Clone Wars stuff in Revenge of the Sith.
Unlike The Last Jedi, a spinoff movie doesn’t have to reinvent the wheel. In many measures, the pressure was off. Solo aims to be a fun movie that requires no connections to the Force or Skywalker family. It’s a shame that it has not performed well, but that is not a reflection on its quality.
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