W.A.S.P. singer, founder and leader Blackie Lawless is known among fandom for his raging douchebaggery. Β Witness a recent event in Russia, where Blackie ignored the one and only fan at the train stationΒ asking for his autograph. Β Everybody should understand a human being’s need for privacy when they live in the limelight, but asking for an autograph at a train station is hardly imposing, especially when they’re the only fan in the place.
Blackie don’t sign nothin’!
Even back in the Record Store days, I was hearing stories about Blackie being an asshole to fans. Β Witness the evidence below, an interaction I had with a customer in the late 1990’s:
Customer:Β Hey, do you have any W.A.S.P. albums?
Me:Β We mightβ¦are you looking for a specific one?
Customer:Β No.Β Just one that has a picture of the singer.Β Blackieβs his name right?
Me:Β Yup, Blackie Lawless.
Customer:Β Hereβs the thing. Β I just want to see what he looks like. Β I was in Toronto a couple months ago, and I swear I saw this guy.Β I asked him, βHey, are you in a rock band called W.A.S.P.?βΒ The guy said no, but I was sure it was him.Β I said, βCome on, youβre him.Β You look exactly like him.βΒ He had the long black hair, and he was really tall, man.
Me:Β Well, Blackieβs definitely known for his hair and his height.Β Sounds like him.Β Hey, I have a CD called Headless Children here and thereβs a picture inside.Β Letβs take a look.
So we grabbed the W.A.S.P. CD and opened up the booklet.
Customer:Β Thatβs him!Β Thatβs the fucking guy!Β I knew he was lying to me!Β What an asshole.
Me: Yeah, heβs known for being one of those too!
I was working the afternoon shift, and another guy named Dave was working the morning. I arrived at work at about 1:30 in the afternoon, with a big box of used stock in my hands. Upon entering, I saw that Dave was already dealing with a big box of CDs. A customer was wandering around the store, as Dave picked through his big box of discs.
I saddled up to help Dave go through the discs. The customer, a male in his early 30βs, was just looking around while he waited. He liked to talk a lot, and would periodically pipe in with a comment. βThis here is a great CD, eh?β There were other customers in the store as well, including a well-dressed woman. The dude took a gander at the woman, who was wearing high heels.
When the woman was out of earshot, he said (to no one in particular):
βWoah. Thatβs a nice pair of feet.β
And that was something I never heard in public before. The end.
T-Rev has always been talented at building things. He built for me my first two CD towers, not to mention my cassette storage shelves built into my closet doors. No design was too elaborate. I liked a simple CD tower myself, just some shelves and some stain. T-Rev was always pushing himself to build something cooler. One of the best towers he ever built had side doors for VHS compartments, and a big black light to illuminate the whole thing. Inside the doors were stickers from some of his favourite bands. The whole thing was painted gray, it was a masterpiece.
By coincidence, T-Rev also owned a semi-rare copy of Robert Plantβs 1990 solo album, Manic Nirvana. Both of us liked to collect βrareβ versions of albums. T-Rev had a red digipack copy, with symbols embossed on the cover. Itβs pretty hard to find, although we did see a couple copies float by in the Record Store. Thereβs werenβt any bonus tracks, but the rare packaging made it something desirable.
So whatβs the connection between the CD tower and Manic Nirvana?
T-Rev was checking out the Plant CD one day, and happened to take a look at it under his black light. Lo and behold, suddenly symbols appeared on the cover, previously hidden! The front cover showed what appeared to be a big βHβ. The back and inside covers had their own symbols that showed under black light.
It was a mystery! The symbols didnβt seem to have any meaning that we could discern. Maybe they were intentional, maybe not? Maybe they were just a byproduct of the manufacturing process. Other similar digipacks did not show anything special under a black light.
My questions regarding this CD are as follows: 1) Have you ever owned the red digipack version of Manic Nirvana?* 2) Have you ever looked at it under a black light? 3) WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
*Aaron discovered via the Discogs listing that this seems to be a promo release.
A sequel to Part 244: Diary of a Mad Record Store Man. Β I think the journal entries speak for themselves, so here they are.
Date: 2004/08/10
On this Marillion live disc, Fish just dedicated the entire Misplaced Childhood record to Phil Lynott…he must have just passed away when it was recorded.Β That’s heavy, man.Β My two lyrical heroes, Fish and Lynott…
Date: 2004/08/24
Crazy to think that I’ve been in this business for 10 years, and only now am I starting to listen to Buddy Holly. Sad to think what I’ve been missing all these years!Β I can’t believe how great Buddy’s music was.Β It’s really clicking with me, I just love Buddy Holly!
Date 2005/01/30
Some dude was just in here throwing a pencil at us because he didn’t have a receipt.Β I AM TOO OLD FOR THIS SHIT.Β I need to get THE FUCK out of here.
RECORD STORE TALES Part 298: Why I Couldnβt Give You A Quote Over the Phone
We advertised that we paid cash or credit for used CDs. Β A lot of customers used to call with the titles of their CDs, to get a quote over the phone for selling them.Β βHey, I have 30 CDs here to sell, if I read off the titles, can you tell me what youβll pay me for them?β
The answer was no, for a number of good reasons.Β For us, buying used CDs wasnβt a science.Β We tried to create a system as best we could, but there were so many variables.Β In addition, a lot of the process is subjective.Β Iβll try to help you understand.
First and foremost β quality.Β We were exceptionally picky about all discs that we bought.Β If the disc was scuffed, we could buff certain scratches out.Β (Not top scratches and pinholes though!Β They are a whole other chapter to the story.)Β A lot of customers would call and say, βMy discs are all mint.βΒ Well, I found that for some, βmintβ had a broad definition.Β It could mean anything to brand-new to scratched like a hockey rink.Β If a customer said βmintβ you couldnβt go by that.Β Likewise with βthey all play fine.βΒ Until I look at it, I donβt know if itβs in a condition good enough to sell to my customers.Β You probably have your own standards regarding CDs you want to keep in your collection.
But thereβs more to quality than just the CD itself.Β Is the front cover present?Β How about the back?Β A lot of customers discarded the back covers, in order to store their discs in those stupid travel wallets.Β Bad idea, since those wallets scratch up CDs, sometimes beyond repair.Β Not to mention, we wouldnβt take a CD missing its back cover.Β Maybe the front cover is also water damaged β we couldnβt take a CD when the pages of the book were stuck together like a teenagerβs Playboy mag. Β That happened a lot more often then you might expect.
When it came down to the pricing of the CD, we had a lot of additional factors to consider.Β Β How much do we sell it for?Β How many copies do we have?Β Do any of our other stores need a copy?Β It is rare, or scarce to find used?Β For example, Pink Floydβs Dark Side of the Moon was not a rare CD, but it was hard to find copies used in good condition.Β Iβd be interested in paying more for Dark Side of the Moon than I would Van Halenβs Balance, even if we sold them both for the same price.
Letβs say youβre an annoying customer, and you called my store looking for a price quote.Β Letβs say the person answering the phone forgot the rules, and gave you a quote over the phone.Β Then when you actually come in to sell them, Iβm working instead, not the person who gave you the price quote.Β So imagine that scenario.
You come in and I start going through the discs.Β Immediately, youβre pissed off that Iβm passing on that scratched up Metallica CD that somebody quoted you $5 for.Β The reason?Β A hard-to-spot top scratch that cannot be fixed.Β Or a missing back cover.Β Or a deep scratch I can feel with my fingernail.Β Or perhaps I could take it, but I need to have the scratches buffed out and I can only pay you $2-3.
Then next up, you have a Guess Who Greatest Hits.Β When you called for your quote, I had none in stock.Β Now I have two.Β (It happens!)Β So I canβt give you what the other person quoted, because now I have two copies and I donβt need it as badly.
Finally, letβs say you were quoted that you were going to get $3 for your Hanson CD.Β The person you spoke to on the phone saw that we didnβt have any Hanson in stock.Β However, I know that is an unusual happenstance and we always have tons of Hanson everywhere.Β I might pay a buck where somebody else offered you $3, because I know better.Β Themβs the breaks, right?
This doesnβt even account for other stupid things that can happen.Β For example, a customer saying to you that he has Metallica Garage Days when he actually has Garage Inc.Β Basically if you could think of a way information could be miscommunicated over the phone, it happened.
Customers seldom understood.Β βI donβt want to come all the way down there unless I know Iβm going to get good money for these discs.βΒ Unfortunately, coming down there was the only way.Β No ifs, ands, buts, or exceptions. Β People sucked sometimes.
RECORD STORE TALES Part 297: “The World Must Change”
1997. A middle-aged mustached gentleman walked into my store with Eric Claptonβs latest single, βChange the Worldβ.
βHi,β he said. βI bought this at HMV, but itβs not what I wanted. Iβm looking for a song, I think itβs called βThe World Must Changeβ. Do you know it?
I searched my memory for a bit but drew a blank.
βI heard it on the radio. Itβs a real hard-driving song,β he said, βand I could swear in the lyrics, he was singing ‘the world must change’. I told the girl at HMV and she said it was Eric Clapton. She sold me this, and itβs definitely not the right song.”
If he told the girl at HMV that it was a βhard-drivingβ song, I donβt know how she came up with βChange the Worldβ, unless sheβd never heard βChange the Worldβ before. It is anything but hard-driving.
The fellow searched my rock section for pretty much any CD that look like it had songs about changing the world, and listened to a number of them, but came out blank.
A Google search today reveals little, aside from a George Benson song called βEverything Must Changeβ, but that is even further away from βhard-drivingβ than the Clapton track.
He ended up selling his Clapton single to me for $2, because HMV wouldnβt take it back once opened. It was a huge drop from the $9.99 sticker price, and he wasnβt happy, but $2 was pretty much top dollar for us to buy CD singles at the time (unless you had something rare, like an old Metallica single). I felt genuinely bad that I couldnβt find that song for him. I suggested he call the radio station on which he heard the track.
Now today, I appeal to the Internets at large: Β Any ideas what song it could have been? Post a comment!
RECORD STORE TALES Part 296: Four MusicalΒ Child Names
Some parents choose regrettable names for their children. None of the names below were intrinsically bad, except perhaps in the case of the former Nirvana fan. Β Here are four names from children I met in the record store days, and the music that inspired them…
1. Kurdt
The girl with the toddler named Kurdt was selling off her entire Nirvana collection. Β Regrets? Β Nah!
2. Lars
Absolutely hilarious to see a long-haired dad with a Metallica shirt on yelling at his rat-tailed kid: Β “Lars! Β Stop that!”
3. Sebastian
My old customer Gord named his son after the Canadian god of rock.
4. Rhiannon
A mom was in looking for Fleetwood Mac. Β “Tell the man your name!” she said to the little girl with her. Β With a beaming smile she said, “RHIANNON! Β Not Rihanna! Β RHIANNON!”
Perhaps the two most legendary customers in the entire history of the record store were Glen and Gord. With their long coifed locks and rocker hair, the Brothers wore their musical tastes on their sleeves. Rock! All rock, nothing but! It was hard to miss them, as the Brothers are both over six feet tall. Add the hair in and I lose track.
You could never miss them at a concert. I remember seeing Alice Cooper in 2006. I was in the second row. Before the show I turned around and saw the Brothers halfway across the theater. Besides their height and hair, one reason you’d never miss the Brothers at a concert is that they attended pretty much every one. If there was a decent rock band in town, the Brothers were there. You could count on it.
I believe it was T-Rev who first encountered Gord, in his store. Gord had spent some time in Europe, and was selling off some really rare rock CDs he got there. One such CD is still in my personal collection – the single for “Stand” by Poison, featuring a rare bonus track called “Whip Comes Down”. This being Poison with Richie Kotzen rather than the original band, this song is valuable to collectors. By the sounds of it, aspects of the song were used in “Stay Alive”, which did make it onto the album Native Tongue.
Seeing that the Brothers and I had similar taste in music, sometimes we clashed. For example, one of my customers sold me three W.A.S.P. remasters in beautiful digipacks, which I still have. Gord saw them on my “hold” pile and begged me for them; I refused to budge. He still remembers that to this day:
“Of course Mike…You were THE guy I went to go see when you worked at the [record store]. You knew your music and we would always have these lengthy discussions. It was cool…except when you cut me off because I forgot to pick up my orders I had on hold or had ordered in!”
Ahh yes. Cutting him off. I remember that. It wasn’t my call, personally, but I did have to enforce it. Gord had ordered in a bunch of discs, but hadn’t picked them in weeks. We allowed two weeks for pickups. One important thing to know is, I didn’t make any money off these special orders. When we ordered in a used CD for a customer from another location, that location was credited for the sale. For my sales margins, I had to send the discs back if they weren’t picked up. According to Gord:
“That was not nice, you jerk! But you finally reinstated the privilege. Its all good, I forgave you.”
I am glad I have his forgiveness! I’d hate to have a guy of Gord’s size hold a grudge!
What is with those rapper kids who have one pant leg rolled up?
The first time I ever saw this fashion statement, I was working the record store.Β I saw this kid with his left leg rolled up, he wasn’t riding a bike.Β He was in just on foot with his buddies. Β Goofy shoes, one pant leg rolled up, ass all but hanging out the back. Β Headphones on.
I was working with Matty K, who was a hip-hop fan.
βLook at this guy!β I said.
βShh,β Matty shushed me.Β βThat means heβs ganged up.β
βWhat?β I whispered?Β βIn Kitchener?Β Thatβs stupid.Β What is he, the River Road Posse?Β Westside K-Town?β
Over the years I have heard different explanations.Β One leg up means youβre with one gang, the other leg means another gang.Β Iβve also heard it means you have drugs for sale.Β Iβve never happened across a definitive answer. Β All I know is thatΒ however stupid you may look, all you have to do is roll up one pant leg to max out at uber-stupid.
RECORD STORE TALES Part 291:
The Old Geezer Who Called the Cops For a Refund
Letβs say you went into a store, and bought a movie.Β Then a few days later, you decided you didnβt like the movie and wanted to return it.Β What kind of questions would cross your mind?
Here are some thoughts I would have.
Do I still have the receipt?
Does it state the storeβs return policy?
Does my purchase qualify for a return?
Those are all great, relevant questions.Β Unfortunately for one old geezer, he didnβt proceed past question 1.
I was working one night, and I wasnβt even working in my own store.Β I was running our website at that point, and I was holed up in the back room of another store working away.Β Filling orders, responding to emails, all that stuff.Β I had worked a long long day, a βsplit shiftβ.Β My morning was spent in my own store working the opening shift.Β Then I was off from 2-5, and finished the day working on the website. Β So I was back there, doing my own thing, not having to spend time interacting with customers except by email.
Then, one of the in-store staff came into the back room, looking for help.
βMike, weβre having a problem with a customer.Β He wants to return a movie, and he wants a refund.Β Can you come out here?β
I was the most senior person on premises, so I stepped out to help.Β Our return policy was stated clearly on store signage, and on the receipt:Β βEXCHANGE ONLY WITHIN 7 DAYS.βΒ We informally stretched that to 14 days to avoid hassles, but refunds were not usually permitted.
I saw the old guy, and asked if I could help.
βYeah, all I want is my money back.Β I donβt want this movie.β
I used my βunderstandingβ voice.Β βIβm sorry to hear that.Β Would you like to do an exchange?Β You can pick out anything in the store and we can put this towards it as credit?β
βI donβt want to pick anything else.Β You donβt have anything I want.Β I want my money back.β
βIβm really sorry,β I said, βWe donβt offer refunds on used movies.Β The policy is on the sign there, and on the receipt.Β But you donβt have to exchange it for a movie, you can use it towards anything in store.Β Or I could order something in from another store.Β Or I can issue you a credit note, and you can take that with you and use it any time you like?β
βI donβt want a credit.Β I want my damn money back!β
I wasnβt going to budge just because he was insistent; I had been given shit for budging on the refund policy before by my boss. I preferred getting yelled at by customers than by him.
βIβm sorry but I canβt do that.Β I can however offer you any of the other options I mentioned.β
βWhereβs the boss?Β I want to talk to him,β the old man spat out.
βHeβs not here,β I answered.Β βHe made those policies so we wouldnβt have to constantly call him asking about refunds.β
βWell then Iβm calling the police.Β I want my money back and Iβm getting it back!β
I stood there for a moment, shocked that anybody would think this was a police matter.Β βYou can do that if you like,β I answered simply.
βCan I use your phone?β
Seriously?Β OK then.Β I handed him the phone.Β He fumbled with it for a few moments.
βCan you call the police for me?β he said after a moment.
This time I laughed.Β βNo, itβs not me who even wants to call the police! Β You can call them, I donβt want anything to do with that.β
Left without options, the old man dialed and called the police himself.Β Shockingly he said to them, βCan you send a couple officers here?Β I donβt want this to get violent.β
Violent?!Β Oh my God!Β A couple officers?Β What a great use of our police resources!
The fuzzΒ showed up about half an hour later. Β One officer. Β It was a pretty quick, cut-and-dried visit.Β He asked the old guy what the issue was; the old guy complained again that he wanted his money back and we wouldnβt give it to him.Β Then he asked me for my side of the story. Β I explained that we do not offer refunds, that the policy was clearly stated everywhere, and the old man had many options for returning the movie that did not involve a refund.
The officer spelled this outΒ to the old man. In a few minutes, he had already picked a replacement movie and agreed to the exchange. Β Β I stood there thinking, βHe needed a police officer for this to happen?βΒ We exchanged the movie, and I thanked him for his business.Β He then walked over to the cop and put his arm on his shoulder.Β βIβd like to talk to you outside, about this matter,β he said to the cop, and they went outside together.
I donβt know what additional issues he needed to discuss with the law, but I never saw the old man again.
Bottom line:
If you canβt get what you want at a store, please please please donβt get the police involved.Β Itβs such a waste of resources.
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