RSTs Mk II: Getting More Tale

#482: Modified Listening Experiences

GETTING MORE TALE #482: Modified Listening Experiences

With modern music technology and software, it has never been easier to not only take your music anywhere, but now you can even modify the albums you buy. Using some simple tricks you can change aspects of the tracklist to make the album suit you. You have probably done this yourself. Many do regularly, by shuffling the track order. Let’s go a little deeper than that.

The first time I experienced the concept of modifying an album’s tracklist, I was just a kid. It was 1985, and I was recording the first W.A.S.P. cassette off my next door neighbour George (R.I.P.), from tape to tape.

“If you don’t like the song ‘Sleeping in the Fire’,” he said, “You can just push pause on this tape recorder. Then un-pause it when the song is over. Your copy won’t have ‘Sleeping in the Fire’ if that’s how you like it.”

Even then, I couldn’t imagine a reason to copy an entire album sans one song. I kept the tape running and never hit pause, but George’s advice kept tumbling around in my brain, for years. Over time I began experimenting with tracklist modification. Never to remove songs, mind you, always to add or improve.

Here are some examples of modified track lists in my library.

1. Adding bonus tracks

Single B-sides just kind of float around in most collections. Due to their short running time, I don’t often spin CD singles. On a PC hard drive they tend to get lost while full albums get more play. To give some of these B-sides a little more air time, in many cases I have chosen to add the songs as “bonus tracks”, at the end of the associated album. This works best when it’s just one or two tracks. More than that can extend an album listening experience too long.

Sometimes, different versions of albums will have unique bonus tracks. Perhaps there’s one on the vinyl version that is on nothing else. Japanese editions, deluxe versions, European editions, iTunes editions…there are usually lots of bonus tracks out there, but always on different versions of the disc. Why not take them all, and make your own “super deluxe edition” with all the bonus tracks in one spot? Listening to an album modified in this way can be a bit longer than the usual, but ultimately it’s rewarding to hear the entire body of work in one smooth sitting. My MP3 player is loaded with my complete version of Alice Cooper’s Welcome 2 My Nightmare, and it’s just 10 minutes shy of two hours long!

In extreme cases, there are so many bonus tracks out there that you may need to consider creating an entire “bonus disc” folder to house them all.

2. Removing gaps

The 1990’s were such a quaint time. Remember “hidden bonus tracks”? At the end of the album, instead of stopping, the CD would continue to play several minutes of silence. Then you would be surprised by a hidden unlisted song! A notable example is “Look at Your Game, Girl”, the infamous Charles Manson cover that Axl hid away at the end of The Spaghetti Incident. There was only a 10 second gap on that CD; still annoying but other albums had much longer pauses before the hidden track.

I use Audacity to remove the long gaps, or to isolate the hidden song to a track all its own. As much as I enjoy a “pure” listening experience the way the artist intended, these long gaps are pretty easy to sacrifice.

3. Restoring an intended song order

Rock and roll is full of stories about bands who couldn’t get their way when an album was released. W.A.S.P. for example wanted their song “Animal (Fuck Like a Beast)” to open their self titled album. Now you can add it there yourself! (W.A.S.P. also added the song to the start of the remastered version of the album.) You can even use Audacity to adjust the volume levels, so that everything matches.

A better example is Extreme’s III Sides to Every Story. The piano ballad “Don’t Leave Me Alone” was only on the cassette version of the album. The CD couldn’t contain all the songs without making it a double, so that one had to be left off. Now you can re-add it yourself, right where it belongs at the end of “side two” and before the big side three suite. Now you can hear the whole album as Extreme intended, seamlessly.

Pardon the pun, but I took an even more “extreme” approach to their second album, Pornograffitti. The instrumental track “Fight of the Wounded Bumblebee” was written as a longer piece with a slow bluesy coda. This second half was recorded solo by Nuno Bettencourt as “Bumble Bee (Crash Landing)” for a guitar compilation. Using Audacity, I combined both tracks to restore the song to its original full structure. This is about as close as we will ever get to hearing the tracks as written. I dropped the new longer track into the album tracklisting and voila! Still seamless, but now with a new darker mood before “He-Man Woman Hater”.

Indeed, the possibilities are limitless. Steve Harris often complained that the Iron Maiden album No Prayer for the Dying should have had live crowd noise mixed in, like a live album. Now you can do that yourself. With a deft touch, you can even edit songs down yourself or extend them by looping sections.

With the advent of the computer as a listening device, the sky is now the limit. How would you modify your listening experiences?

#481: Hang It Up

GETTING MORE TALE #481: Hang It Up

Rock fans are a fickle bunch, aren’t we? We will openly praise our rock heroes, placing them upon mighty pedestals. We will proclaim that our love for said bands trumps anyone else’s; we are truer fans than the average wannabe. Then at the drop of a hat, when our bands take an action we don’t approve of, we suddenly become the authority on what that band actually should have done. We’re the experts after all, right?

Most commonly, we are quick to judge when a band has passed its prime. We have all done it. “They need to hang it up and call it a day, go out with some dignity,” we proclaim, pretending that we actually have a clue of what goes on in their creative or financial headspaces.

Why do we think we know what’s best? Certainly, we are opinionated on what we like and what we don’t. Let’s say a certain band “jumps the shark” a little bit, to use the TV vernacular. For example, Aerosmith. A lot of fans, this one included, feel that Aerosmith’s best days are long behind them. As fans, we don’t want to see the band continue to sink further into a crapslide of mediocrity. Mediocrity, that is, defined by us.

Certainly, Aerosmith have no problems selling out arenas even after several patchy discs and gigs. Go and see them live and you will meet fans who have seen them dozens of times in their lives. They have a blast doing so, and they don’t care if Tyler can’t jump around like he used to. What makes one group of fans (the ones that cry “hang it up!”) right, but the others who will gladly go see them live again tomorrow, wrong?

Nothing. It’s all personal taste. You may fall on one side of fence with Aerosmith, but another side with the Stones, or the Who. Look, I love Kiss. I always have. I loved when they were great, and I loved when they were shit. Now that the original members are down to just Gene and Paul, and Paul’s struggling with his voice, do I think they should hang it up? Absolutely not. I still look forward to whatever Paul, Gene, Eric and Tommy have cooking next. But I don’t necessarily feel that way about Aerosmith, or even AC/DC.

I saw Gordon Lightfoot perform about 10 years ago. His voice is reduced to a quiet whisper now. Years take their toll, but Gordon and his band still played a set of unforgettable music. Was it a harsh reminder of the years gone by? Sure, but I can say I’ve seen Gordon Lightfoot now, an experience I wouldn’t trade in for a cash refund, no way.

To compare an artist to their younger selves is almost universally unfair. I can’t run the 100 meter dash like I used to. Ian Gillan can’t hit the high screams like 1969 either. That’s OK. Ageing is a part of life. It is also a part of music, even rock and roll. Rock music used to be about celebrating youth, but today it is a far more diverse field than it was in the golden years.

On the other hand, take a group like AC/DC. For all intents and purposes, they were still going very strong with the classic five members until very recently. Then Malcolm got sick – irreversibly so. Phil Rudd had his problems and was let go. Now Brian Johnson is gone and Axl Rose is in. At what point does a band become a parody of itself? More importantly, who gets to decide that? I’d prefer if AC/DC were able to continue with Brian; I don’t want to adjust to an AC/DC with yet another new singer. But I don’t get a say, do I?

But we do get to vote on this, in one way: the capitalist way. We vote democratically with our dollars. People who don’t want to see Axl Rose fronting AC/DC are offered full refunds, and by taking the refund, a fan can voice his or her displeasure. If the tour continues beyond these dates, we will still be able to vote with our wallets. There is no deception here. Surely anyone in the market for AC/DC tickets knows what’s going on now.

Speaking personally, I would go see Axl/DC. Who knows how long this aggregation will last? It’s a possible chance to see history in the making. Even if they suck absolutely (doubtful), I would still be able to say “I saw that. I was there.” So, given the chance, even if I don’t like the idea of Axl fronting AC/DC, I would still use my money to vote “yay”. Even just out of curiosity, it would be worth it.

The single instance that I feel is universally appropriate for a band to retire is the sad day they find themselves without any original members. Take Quiet Riot for example. Nobody currently in the band played on the first two Quiet Riot albums. Two of the members who did are now dead, and there is no connection at all to the earliest recordings of the group. In cases such as this, what separates a band from a mere tribute? Call it what it is, in my view.

Who do you think should hang it up? And if they do, how long before the reunion tour? Time will tell!

#480.5: Transformers Radio, tonight! (Rescheduled)

RESCHEDULED!

You got the touch! You got the power!

Rob Daniels was sick last week, so we had to postpone his show to this week. Tonight at midnight, catch me LIVE on Rob’s radio program VISIONS IN SOUND. Tune in locally on your FM dial to CKWR 98.5, or even easier, just click “listen live” via their website! The show runs from midnight to 2 am (ET). My energon this evening to keep me going will consist of the sweet sweet coffee.

The subject: the 30th anniversary of THE TRANSFORMERS movie! The soundtrack was recently re-released in a deluxe Record Store Day vinyl anniversary edition. Tonight I’ll be joining Rob as we spin music from the film, discussing its impact, and I’m certain we will be able to “touch” on the controversial killing off of kiddie favourite character Optimus Prime!

Don’t “Dare to be Stupid”, join us tonight for some “Prime” music!

#480: Where Are We Now?

GETTING MORE TALE #480: Where Are We Now?

It’s been over 10 years since leaving the old Record Store. Feeling nostalgic, my thoughts go back to the folks I once worked with. The early days there were such an incredible time. I called it the dream job, and for a music-mad guy in his 20’s, it was! It was an experience I will always cherish forever, and that’s one of many reasons that Record Store Tales exist. Even so, I don’t think I have really captured the joy of those early years, especially 1994-1996. It truly is joy when you voluntarily came in early every day just to check out new inventory, which I used to do regularly. Since that time, quite a few of my old compatriots have moved on. Where are we now?

LeBrain: Here I am! I’ve been working a desk job in the manufacturing industry for the last seven years. The lovely thing about my job is that I get to listen to the radio all day, every day. I have found 107.5 DaveRocks to be very conducive to getting work done, and being rocked while doing it. The encouragement from various folks at the station inspired me to get my Record Store Tales finished and published, and that’s why you’re reading this now!

T-Rev: Now living in Sarnia Ontario with his beautiful wife and three kids. Still rocking and rolling, still addicted to that rush and still collecting tunes. Still texting me with rare finds (last was a rare Judas Priest 12” picture disc) and on the hunt for rarities. Trips across the border into the US have yielded him many finds over the years. Just a few weeks ago, T-Rev texted me for help. “Can you help Colin go through five or six boxes of records and let him know if there’s anything good in there?” Colin lives in Kitchener so it was far easier for him to show the LPs to me than T-Rev. In all, I found about 50 that he should hang on to…and my mother in law bought a half-dozen for herself! I also snagged an insert from Alice Cooper’s Muscle of Love LP, which my copy was missing. Thanks for hooking that up, T-Rev!

Iron Tom Sharpe: Tom, co-founder of the legendary Sausagefest, sold his Record Store location and became a teacher. He has brought the rock to a whole new generation of fans. They have now formed rock groups and even their own Jr. Sausagefest parties. Of everyone involved with the Record Store back then, it is Tom who today does the most to bring good music to the kids. What a legend! He has managed to do what I strive to do myself, which is pass on the glorious rock and roll to the next generation.

Joe Big Nose: Recently left the Record Store chain for a better opportunity. No longer stinking up its washrooms with giant aromatic shits. Big Nose had a long stay there – surely one of the longest. There are probably stains with his name on them.

Uncle Meat: Wandering the universe, playing baseball and Space Truckin’. (Seriously, I know he is hard at work tabulating the votes for Sausagefest 2016’s official countdown.)

EDIT/update: Uncle Meat has finished the 2016 countdown! It is, in his words, “truly a kaleidoscope of finesse, filth and fury.” Looking forward to it.

Wiseman: Location and status unknown. Last seen very very wasted at Sausagefest XII.

And finally, the Owner: Still there, 25 years this August! Talk about givin’ ‘er! Never give up, never surrender! You have to admire the tenacity and sacrifices made. I would like to celebrate and say cheers with him. Rock on!

#479: Cracking the Case

GETTING MORE TALE #479: Cracking the Case

Whoever invented the DVD case, damn you.

In case you’re wondering, the dimensions of the standard DVD case are not random. Somebody didn’t just say, “Hey! Let’s package a round disc in an oversized rectangle!” Since DVD was the format destined to replace the old VHS video tape, the dimensions of the case are roughly the same: Height and width. Only the thickness is different. This was done to ease the transition from one format to the next. Stores would presumably have to display their new and exciting DVD inventory on the same old shelving they already had for VHS tapes. Makes sense from that point of view, although the cases are mostly empty space and could have been made smaller to cut costs, and waste.

When Blu-ray came along, the cases were reduced in height, slightly, to differentiate them from their DVD cousins. It’s still mostly a waste of space.

That’s not the big gripe, though. The issue was that some of the cases designed to hold DVDs would eventually destroy them if you put them in and out too many times. This happened to my now long-discarded copy of the Matrix: Reloaded.

The problem with the DVD cases were the spindles or “teeth” inside the held the disc tight, by the center hole. Remember how you had to push down to release the disc? Either by poor design or bad tolerance issues, the act of pushing down and trying to release your disc could introduce tiny cracks around the center hole. Like death by a thousand tiny cuts, the discs would crack further and further every time you used them. Just like your windshield, the cracks grow. Eventually tiny pieces of plastic would begin to flake off the middle.

At the old Record Store, we saw many DVDs that were cracked and flaking in the middle. Customers were always pissed off when we pointed this out, and who can blame them? They didn’t do anything wrong, they were just trying to watch a movie. It’s not their fault that the cases they came in were so poorly designed. Take that disc out one too many times and it’ll crack right in half. I know because I’ve done it myself.

The traditional DVD case is a double fail. Not only was it too big for its britches, but some would damage your precious movie inside! That is unforgiveable.

#478: Record Store Day (April 16 2016)

GETTING MORE TALE #478: Record Store Day (April 16 2016)

I thought Record Store Day was supposed to be a celebration of indi record stores. That’s nice and all, but my first Record Store Day ever was at a chain: Sunrise Records in a shopping mall. I’m not sure what qualifies as “indi” but I do see a lot of similarities with Record Store Day and other much-hyped spending spree events, like Force Friday. Overpriced items, not enough stock and waiting for stores to open seem to be the order of the day. Having said that, I have never seen anything like Record Store Day 2016. Nor did the staff at X-Disc-C in Kitchener, the store I chose to hit up this year.

I don’t always shop on Record Store Day, but when I do, it is for a good reason. The first time I went was in 2011, for an AC/DC single featuring two then-exclusive live recordings. That was a lot of fun, but imagine my chagrin a year later when these two songs were released on the Live at River Plate album. It seems most RSD-exclusive items are either:

a) songs that get released on albums later on,
b) vinyl reissues of things you already have,
c) stuff that sits around for months or years after as shelfwarmers.

This year, my RSD holy grail list had only one item on it: the 12″ picture disc single for Iron Maiden’s 20 minute epic “Empire of the Clouds”, from The Book of Souls. Incidentally, that single was more expensive than the 2 CD album itself: $33 with taxes. What’s so special about it? It has no exclusive music, but it does include a 21 minute interview with Bruce Dickinson about the R101 airship disaster that the song is based on. That made it worth owning. There were at least four stores in town carrying it. Mill Pond Records in Cambridge were doing a big promotion on the radio with Darryl Law, offering big discounts and free CDs. The had four copies of “Empire of the Clouds” in stock. I wrote that store off the list first, gambling that it would be too busy.

I planned my strategy to acquire this very limited single (5500 copies). Online prices later on will be far too high, at least for me unless I decide to sell my organs on the dark web. Encore Records has long been the most reliable store in town, and they were carrying it (quantity unknown). Failing that, just a few blocks away at X-Disc-C, there were three copies in stock. The plan was for me to go to Encore while my wife Jen went to X-Disc-C. We left the house at 8:15 for the 9:00 am opening. That even left time for a coffee stop, at a way too busy Timmy’s on Weber St. My only real concern at that point was parking downtown. Kitchener is currently being ripped up to build a controversial light rail transit system. The traffic tie-ups and difficult access points are only adding to the controversy. Even so, and even with the Kitchener Farmer’s Market open since 6:00 am, parking was not a problem. In fact there was plenty.

Encore Records was a couple blocks away, but I turned right back around as soon as I saw the line! There were at least 40-50 people up there, waiting to get in. I had never seen anything like that before, not on Record Store Day. Not for records. “Fuck this,” I said as I hiked back. Re-joining Jen, we headed to X-Disc-C which was only a short jaunt away. We knew they had three copies. I had never been to this location before, tucked away on a side street near the market. We knew we were getting near when we heard the sounds of Gordon Lightfoot serenading us on outdoor speakers. This was followed by the new Wolfmother. And we were first in line! Iron Maiden would be mine!

I posted on Facebook, “First in line. I am the line.”

About five minutes later another guy joined us, maybe a bit older than me. We exchanged “good mornings” and chatted.

“I’m only here for one thing,” he hinted.

“Maiden?” I asked, and he nodded. “Me too,” I said in response. “He has three in there, so it looks like we’re good.”

“They’re already open over across the street,” he told me, referring to Encore.

“Really? But did you see that crowd? There were at least 40 people standing there. Can that store even hold 40 people?”

I was surprised when he answered, “Yeah, I was second in line. I’ve been waiting outside since 6:30 in the morning.”

Think about that for a moment. That means there was somebody who got there even before 6:30! People really wanted that Iron Maiden record. Behind us, a small line began to form, young and old.

“I left to come here because I couldn’t see the Maiden when I walked into Encore. Other people swooped in and they were gone before I could even see them.” I expressed a little bit of surprise about the popularity of a record that only had an interview track on the B-side. That doesn’t matter to everybody though. “I’m not going to play it,” he said. “I’m not even going to open it. I’m going to frame it.”

A few more people joined us in line including one guy in an Iron Maiden T-shirt. I don’t think he had a chance anymore. There seemed to be two dominating artists that people in line were looking for: David Bowie, and Iron Maiden. Then the door opened. I grabbed the first Iron Maiden, and the guy behind me got the second. I did not see who got the third.

At X-Disc-C, they told me they had never seen a Record Store Day opening like this before. They seemed unprepared as most of their items hadn’t even been priced yet. I wonder if Encore Records also got slammed unprepared at opening. They usually only have two guys working on busy days, and I think only three people even work there at all. It’s great to see them so busy, but I wondered about the whole experience.

These stores probably don’t make much money on these Record Store Day exclusives, and these early birds were looking for specific items. If they didn’t have it, they walked. They didn’t stick around to browse, nor was there room to browse. Two people walked out before I even paid for my Maiden! The buying frenzy atmosphere isn’t the kind of record shopping experience most of us look for. We like to take our time, check every nook and cranny, converse and enjoy it. These limited Record Store Day items seem to create schools of sharks swooping in on very limited items, and when they’re gone the customer buys nothing and moves on.

I will open and play my Iron Maiden record, once. I’ll record it, and only look at it henceforce. It’s a gorgeous picture disc in a gatefold sleeve. The cover replicates the Daily Mirror newspaper from October 6 1930, the day after the R101 burst into flames. An awesome Eddie illustration from the picture disc is seen through the die-cut cover. It truly is a beautiful collectible.

Record Store Day was fun, but I don’t think it does much to celebrate the indi record store. It does bring out the hard core collectors, but the overall atmosphere feels too much like a bloody Black Friday sale than a true record shopping experience.

Come back tomorrow for a review of the “Empire of the Clouds” RSD exclusive single.

#477: “Holy sht, jackpot, holy sht, jackpot…”

GETTING MORE TALE #477: “Holy shit, jackpot, holy shit, jackpot…”

Collectors know the feeling. You walk into a store, and saunter over to a favourite section. Upon spying a gold mine of things you had been looking for, the euphoric feeling hits you just a shot of adrenaline straight in the heart.

“Holy shit! Jackpot…”

Whether you collect music, movies, books, toys, hockey cards or Kiss stuff (they being a whole category of their own), we have all experienced the feelings. Finding a mother lode of treasures can be such a ride of emotions! The excitement when you see it all. The dread when you feel your thin wallet. The pain of picking out the things you can afford. The second-guessing and flip-flopping over what to actually get. The sorrow of having to choose something to leave behind.

This has been happening to me for decades. Having broad tastes and interests plus a healthy case of OCD will do that to you. Over 20 years ago, my love for my childhood favourites the Transformers was re-ignited by such a jackpot. While browsing junk at a church garage sale with my buddy Peter, I ran into a large pile of Marvel Transformers comics. Most of these were from near the end of the series (issues #50-80), and long after I stopped collecting Transformers. I couldn’t just leave them there! Who knows where they would wind up then? I had to rescue them.

At 50 cents each, this hardly broke the bank, but all the same feelings arose: The excitement upon spying these comics, the picking out of the ones I needed, the angst of leaving some behind (even though I didn’t really need them). And it kick-started a stunted adulthood that quickly reverted back to youth, a place I’m still stuck today.

Today, whenever I spot a stack of Japanese imports at a store (as I did last month as Vertigo Records in Ottawa), the adrenaline hits.

If I spy a pile of 90’s Metallica singles, the same thing happens.

A collection of rare 80’s Canadian metal records? Same thing again.

But I still collect toys and comics too, and this same experience just happened to me at a local Walmart store.

The Star Wars Black Series 6” action figures have been hard to find. There are always “shelf warmer” characters that nobody wants, and in 2015 that was poor Finn. Other figures have been impossible to spot at retail. Whenever a shipment arrives, people snap them all up and often end up re-selling them on eBay for more than double what they’re worth. It’s not cool but that’s what happens. I’m sure the store staff know all the eBayers by heart, because they the know when the shipments arrive and are there when the store opens.

Cases are also “short-packed”, meaning a box of eight figures might have three Finns, but only one Kylo Ren.

A couple weeks ago, I was at a small Walmart store at Stanley Park Mall in Kitchener. Interestingly enough, this is the same mall at which the very first Record Store in the chain that I worked opened. My dad worked at that mall (at a bank), and I worked there twice (at a grocery store and finally at the Record Store). It’s a pretty shitty mall and the shittiest Walmart around, but sometimes you can find real treasures at the out-of-the-way ones.

Even though this is a sucky Walmart, I still found a Star Wars 6” New Order Flametrooper there a few weeks earlier, so I knew that figures could be had there. What I did not expect this time were FOUR more figures I needed, and some of the hardest to get: “Old” Han (the most popular), Captain Phasma (very hard to find), Jango Fett with removable helmet and jetpack, and Finn in Stormtrooper gear! Most of these are going for stupid money online, so to find them in store was quite an exciting surprise.

I frantically sifted through the row of figures, animatedly pulling out all the ones I needed, and singing out loud “Holy shit, jackpot, holy shit, jackpot, holy shit, jackpot…”

That’s when I noticed the stock guy staring at me. I spied several boxes of figures that he was unloading and opening. Did he figure me to be one of the eBayers? Maybe, maybe not, but I then saw two more employees stocking the toy shelves, giving me glances. I’m sure they all heard my “Holy shit, jackpot” song and dance. I smiled and ran away.

That haul cost me $100, but it was worth it! And I still love the rush of discovery.

#476: Won’t Get Fooled Again

GETTING MORE TALE #476: Won’t Get Fooled Again
(the long-awaited sequel to Record Store Tales Part 225: Bait & Switch)

“I knew immediately there was a problem. In his hands was a used copy of Puff Daddy’s brand new smash hit album, No Way Out. It had one of our Bargain Bin stickers on it, priced at $5.99. However the album was a fairly new release, and any used copies we had were always priced at $11.99. I’d never put one of them in my Bargain Bin, ever at this point. You just didn’t throw a new release into a sale bin. As Puffy said, ‘It’s all about the Benjamins.'” — from Record Store Tales Part 225: Bait & Switch

We had a deceptively simple inventory system at the Record Store. Each used CD case was empty. Every one of them was tagged with the price, and a number that would tell me the location of the actual compact disc behind the counter. This system benefited both our point of sale computer, which updated our inventory live in real time, and it was also a security bonus. With compact discs safely stored behind the counter, thieves knew they would get nothing by stealing a case. We made it obvious, by posting large ALL CASES ARE EMPTY signs. The bastards had to get creative when ripping us off.

In the Record Store Tale above, a scam artist got away with it. I wasn’t going to let him, but the owner didn’t stand up to the guy, called it a misunderstanding and let the guy have a discount. The scammer switched price tags, without realizing that the number code on the tags lead to a specific disc. When boss gave the guy a discount, it made me feel about two feet tall. I never let that happen again.

My new strategy was quite simple and it worked every time. When the first guy ripped us off, my big mistake was explaining to him that somebody switched price tags. That got him on the defensive and he had already prepared his argument regarding bait and switch laws. I got smart after that, by playing dumb.

The most memorable occasion involved a douchebag in his mid-20’s, and a rap title. I cannot remember today what the rap title was, but the CD itself was very brightly coloured and easy to spot. Buddy came up to the counter with a CD case, and the price tag looked tampered with. They never quite looked the same once peeled off and re-applied, and years behind the counter taught me that. Sure enough, the number on the price tag led to me the wrong compact disc. I checked out the locations of the discs in the computer and confirmed the guy had switched a tag. He wanted an $11.99 CD for $7.99, but it wasn’t going to happen on my watch. I pretended to look for the disc, but I had actually already grabbed it and put it aside. The price tag that he swapped it with, the $7.99 CD, was alphabetically right next to the other one. It was obvious he just grabbed two nearby and switched prices. I was taking time figuring this out though, so I had to tell him why.

“I’m sorry man but I’m having a really hard time finding this CD,” I explained. “Each price tag has a number on it that tells me where the disc should be, but it’s not in this spot. I’ll keep looking.”

As earlier explained, the compact disc I was supposedly looking for was a bright one, easy to spot. What I didn’t count on was this dude has already seen it behind the counter in its location. But what he didn’t count on was that I had since yanked it and hidden it out of sight! From the right vantage point, you could have spotted it, but it was gone now.

“Are you sure?” the scammer asked. “I think it’s right over there,” and he pointed me in the general direction. I put on a good act of looking, flipping through every disc but his. “I’m sure I saw it right there.”

“Can you show me?” I asked, knowing it wasn’t there. I don’t know if he figured out my game or not. He probably had. But there was nothing he could do about it. “Is this it?” I pulled out a disc with random artwork on it. “No, but I saw it right there, in that spot that is empty now.” Yeah, he caught me.

“I’m really sorry but it’s not there. I’ll keep looking. Why don’t you give me your name and phone number? I’ll call when I find it. I’m sure it’ll turn up.”

“Naw, man.”

Small triumph, but, still a triumph.

#475: If You Could Only See (Where are they now?)

GETTING MORE TALE #475: If You Could Only See (Where are they now?)

In the 1990’s, folks liked to make fun of all the old, outdated one hit wonders from the 80’s. Whether the name of your band was Winger or A Flock of Seagulls, few were spared the torment of being teased. It seemed for a while that the only bands that could be considered relevant were not from the 80’s (except for a couple that people always conveniently forgot actually were from the 80’s — Nirvana and Nine Inch Nails).

Today, we like to look back upon the music of the 90’s and do the same thing. Those terrible post-grunge bands, the awful flannel, and groups with names like Hootie or Spin Doctors…always ripe for the pickings! We all do it, don’t we? It’s not like it’s an accurate reflection of the decade. Even beyond the “big” bands, there were some good and some great 90’s groups who lacked longevity, even though their album output wasn’t bad at all.

One such band was Tonic. “If You Could Only See” was their hit ballad, which of course did nothing to hint at the rock and roll on their album, Lemon Parade. That song actually took a long time to finally hit. Heavier singles like “Open Up Your Eyes” and “Casual Affair” preceded it, but obviously did not have the same impact. So, Tonic became one of those bands closely identified with a ballad and not much else — usually the death knell for a group.

I tweaked onto Tonic early. The Record Store that I managed was opened up in April of ’96. A promo copy of Lemon Parade rolled in shortly after. We bought it from the customer for $6 (which was pretty much the going rate for a brand new release back then) and put it on the shelves where it sat for a while. I recognized the album in the Kitchener newspaper’s music section, where they gave it a glowing review. It was produced by Jack Joseph Puig, who also produced my favourite Black Crowes album, amorica. The review claimed that Tonic were clearly influenced by the sounds of the 70’s rather than the 90’s, so I decided to pop it in the player at work and check it out.

I liked it enough to play it a few times, and eventually buy a copy myself. I found it to be pleasant rock. Nothing too hard, but edgy enough. “Casual Affair” for example has an angry groove to it, though it was certainly not going to challenge the Smashing Pumpkins for heaviness. It had a spare, real production. It’s all about guitars; layered in the grand tradition of Page and Hendrix. When it’s quiet you can hear people breathing while strumming. The key thing with Tonic, to me, was the musicianship. I had grown weary of the bands who clearly didn’t give a shit about learning how to play. Tonic were not one of those bands. The busy basslines grooved with a variety of guitar sounds (including lots of slide) and a wicked drum sound to form a modern but rootsy whole. Band leader Emerson Hart was a short-haired dude with big cool mutton chop sideburns. I liked him immediately.

In ’97, “If You Could Only See” was released as a single and the band finally saw some serious chart action. Unfortunately the ballad resonated with the kind of people who tended to buy an album for one song, and not give the rest a real chance. They started coming back used regularly. The album sold 1.3 million copies, but how many of those are in people’s homes today? Their second album Sugar (1999) was miles and away better than Lemon Parade, but failed to make a lasting impact on their careers. By the time they hooked up with Bob Rock for 2002’s Head on Straight (their third LP), it was too late. Proving that the Grammy Awards don’t know their elbows from their asses, that lukewarm CD was nominated for two awards. Like a death knell, the band went on hiatus a short while later.

During their hiatus, the band members worked on music separately but Emerson Hart’s Cigarettes and Gasoline was close enough to Tonic to keep the core sound alive. It contained some deeply personal music — Hart’s father disappeared (like completely vanished) when he was young. Still, a solo album is not the same as a band album, so Tonic reformed in 2008. Their Best of album (2009) contained a number of acoustic and live rarities, and a full album simply called Tonic emerged in 2010. It continued where they left off, plying Tonic’s signature sound based on rootsy guitars and melodies. Sugar remains their high water mark, but the band have been relatively quiet since the reunion began…until now.

In March 2016, Tonic announced that for the album’s 20th anniversary, they would be recording an acoustic version of Lemon Parade. This should be worth checking out, but most importantly we hope a trip to the studio will eventually inspire some brand new Tonic songs!

#474: Vertigo Records in Ottawa Ontario

Last weekend, Aaron went record shopping in Toronto while I did the same in Ottawa. Check out his post too, and see what we scored!

GETTING MORE TALE #474: Vertigo Records in Ottawa Ontario

Something very special happened on March 24, 1956. On that day, Clifford Michael Woodhouse married young Jean, the light of his life, and they began a large and loving family. Clifford, known as Mike, was a radar operator in the CF (Canadian Forces). As such he and his family lived in many parts of the world at many times. According to his son Richard, who also served in the CF: “During the height of the Cold War he was a Radar operator, working on what was known as the Pine Line, where he monitored and collected information on the movement and position of threats to the Canadian Forces and to Canadian sovereignty.” He was also involved in classified projects, but I can’t talk about that, or he’ll have to shoot me.

Sgt. Woodhouse ultimately settled in Ottawa after stops in France and Gander, Newfoundland. He retired in Ottawa where he and Jean still live today. I am lucky to have married his beautiful grand-daughter Jennifer.

A 60th wedding anniversary is a big deal. Did you know that couples who are citizens of the British empire (including Canadians) can receive a letter from Queen Elizabeth II for their 60th anniversary? The diamond Woodhouse anniversary celebration (held on Sunday the 20th) was not an event we were likely to miss, so Jen and I climbed aboard a train and headed east to our nation’s capital.

We stayed in the Novotel (good experience; recommended) which was a block or two away from a store called Vertigo Records. Brilliant. First excursion solved! We’ll get there eventually (I promise), but lemme tell you, I’ve never been in a Hummer limo before. Jen’s cousin Missy arranged this beast of a vehicle, 18 feet in length, and just a pleasure to ride in. (So screw the environment I guess; I rode in a Hummer limo and enjoyed it!) There were 14 of us inside that Hummer, including Mike and Jean, two of their kids, three of their grand-kids, and FIVE of their SIX great-grandchildren! How incredible is that? Even more met us at the Keg Manor; a large and incredible group of people.

During the celebration, the lucky couple were presented a number of precious documents in honour of their achievement. The letter from the Queen was perhaps even overshadowed by a personal letter from the Right Honourable Steven Harper, former Prime Minister of Canada. Family member Chris acquired this by writing to the office of Mr. Harper, who was kind enough to send a signed letter in response. There was also a letter from David Johnston, Governor General of Canada and direct representative of the Queen in this country.

Jennifer has a great family in Ottawa and I can’t wait to return to the city, in warmer weather. It was bitter cold that weekend, windy and unpleasant to walk in for a long period of time. As such we didn’t go far in distance from our hotel. I did find this interesting place that I might have to check out next time.* It was situated beside a couple tattoo shops. Hey, it says it’s FREE, right?

Vertigo Records (193 Rideau St, (613)-241-1011) is an inviting and cool store selling new and used CDs, vinyl and even cassettes. They had a copy of Metallica’s tape-only No Life ‘Til Leather, sealed for $25. Even cooler, they had a signed Motorhead drum head (not for sale). We arrived shortly after they opened and there were already customers browsing. They had a lot of stock and they were putting out plenty of new stuff as I was there. There were a number that struck my eye.

Should I have bought Goblin Cock?

One of the first discs I noticed was Yngwie Malmsteen’s Live in Leningrad, which I have wanted for a long time but never had. Vertigo had a good variety of tunes in rotation over the speakers, including some Motley Crue. Maybe that’s what inspired me to pick up the double Live – Entertainment or Death. I’ve seen a lot of copies of it in the past in just wrecked condition, so not remembering if I owned it or not, I picked this one up. I did own it already. So this one goes into the Aaron pile.** In the new arrivals bin, I saw Robert Pollard/Doug Gillard’s Speak Kindly of Your Volunteer Fire Department. I wasn’t certain if he owned it or not, so for only $6.99 it was better safe than sorry. He does have it, so I’ll keep it. He tells me I won’t be disappointed with it anyway, because Gillard is a guitar hero of his and I should be in for a treat.

Speaking of Aaron, he has some Deep Purple castaways coming his way. When I saw these lovely Japanese reissues in mint, complete condition for only $14.99 each, it was all but a no-brainer to pick them up. There are Russian forgeries on the market, but these are the genuine article from Japan. I’m very pleased to add these to my collection and pass down my old copies to the next generation of Purple fanatics.*** And lo! More Japanese treasures were to be found! Complete with obi strip was some rare Rage Against the Machine. I have a brief story about this CD, that was too short to make it into Record Store Tales*^ but fine for an anecdote here.

One of the few guys that actually worked at the old Record Store before me was this guy Dave. There was the owner, his brother, two guys named Craig and Dave, and then me. A bit later on, Dave went to Japan but kept in touch via snail mail (back then, we just called it “mail”). I will never forget that he sent us a letter to the store, almost taunting us with rare CDs that he found in Japan. He mailed us the obi strips for Nirvana’s Hormoaning and a Rage Against Machine CD called Live & Rare. “Ever seen these before?” read part of the letter. Hormoaning yes, Rage no. I never saw it again either, until Vertigo Records. $12.99, obi strip intact. Dave doesn’t even have his own obi strip anymore!

Moving on, some classic rock finds were hard to turn down. Cream Gold ($8.99 for 2 CDs!) and Jethro Tull’s Living With the Past ($6.99) came home with me to Kitchener. I have the Tull DVD of the same name, and it’s excellent. And Cream? This is my first Cream purchase. This is something I’m glad to have fixed in my collection.

I love me some Fu Manchu, but I missed We Must Obey the first time out. Brant Bjork’s Punk Rock Guilt also slipped past me. Not this time! $7.99 each.

Finally, I could not safely bring home a lot of vinyl on the train, so I didn’t go nuts on it. I saw some cool stuff, believe me, and I was considering getting some Kiss solo album reissues. I bought one 45, which was “The Devil Stole the Beat from the Lord” by the Hellacopters, taken from their Kiss-like LP Grande Rock. The single contains two non-album B-sides: “Holiday Cramps” and “Be Not Content”. The devil-dragster cover art probably made Rob Zombie cry tears of jealousy.

The guy behind the counter gave me the 45 for free. “Because you’re buying so much,” he said. What a pleasant surprise. That was awesome. I guess he didn’t know who I was*^^ and that I like to do this whenever I can! We had a brief chat while he carefully put the discs and inserts in the cases. We marveled at the folks out there who actually throw away CD packaging. Why would anybody do such a thing? I will truly never understand.

It was such a pleasure being in Ottawa that weekend, windy cold weather aside. We will definitely return, and stay longer so as to check out some of the other record stores in town. Vertigo Records is a must, a highly recommended store that I would rank as highly as my favourite Toronto record stores.

5/5 stars.

And thank you to C. Michael Woodhouse for your hospitality and for everything you have done for this country.

Mike “LeBrain” Ladano

*I’m kidding! I’m kidding!

**I have a lot of stuff here that I should really mail out to the friends I promised I would mail them out to.

***Hopefully Aaron and his kids.

*^Have you been reading Record Store Tales? If not, please click here.

*^^I’ve always wanted to say to somebody, “Do you know who I am?” and then whip out my mikeladano.com cards as if I’m actually somebody.

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