RSTs Mk II: Getting More Tale

#383: The Moment of Inspiration

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#383: The Moment of Inspiration

I’m not comfortable using the word “writer” or “artist” when describing myself. Where I’m concerned, I find it pretentious for myself to wear the guise of an “artist”. But I do write, and what I have posted here does amount to my art. Within the context of music reviews, I use this platform to be creative and express myself. I’ve told my stories via Record Store Tales. Even though I don’t like calling myself a “writer” per se, I do spend a lot of time writing and trying to come up with fresh ideas. Writer’s block does exist. Many days go by when I can’t be arsed to write anything down.

When the inspiration to create strikes, it’s usually in an inconvenient setting. The car, where much of my music listening is done, has proven to be a great location for ideas. Sometimes it’s a mall, or a grocery store. Other times it’s in the middle of the night in bed! The key is being able to take quick notes and write down your ideas before they are gone. This takes determination but is well worth it, to tap those fleeting good ideas that we all get.

I’ve had one advantage that I’ve been happy to exploit: a huge backlog of unpublished reviews and stories. When creativity fails to strike, I was always able to dip into the pile and polish work up for posting. In a similar vein, my buddy Craig once told me, “Don’t be afraid to re-post a good idea that’s worth the exposure.” So sometimes I will even revamp something you’ve read before in a new way, and hopefully you haven’t noticed.

Once the creative juices start flowing, keeping the faucet turned on is the next challenge. My advice is to try to avoid second guessing yourself. Keep your work accessible, but write for you. Readers will offer their feedback. Some will be good advice, some will not be. I’ll give you two examples.

A friend of mine found the length of some of my earlier articles to be too much. I found that, even if I had a lot to say about a matter, it was better to break it down into smaller parts. That way I can actually milk a story for longer, by posting multiple chapters instead of trying to squeeze it all into one. I also reduce the risk of losing the reader’s attention over a long ass story.

A former co-worker at the Record Store made a point to send a lengthy email about my site. He was upset about the things I was saying and how I said them. He didn’t approve of the “great pains” that I took to poke fun at one or two people that he knows. This feedback had me questioning my direction, and considering whether I should have lightened things up or even written anything at all. After some serious soul searching I concluded that there were no “great pains” taken; that the stories were fun for me and others, and would continue to be. I poke fun and criticize myself more than anyone else in my stories. I am my own worst critic, as are many of us. I decided that I should not change my style to please a small but vocal minority of readers.

Keep writing. Keep searching for inspiration. It can be found in the unlikeliest of places, all you have to do is open your eyes and keep a pen nearby. Don’t be afraid to voice your opinion. Take the time to compose your thoughts. Don’t rush into posting something. Be sure you’re satisfied before you hit that button.

Any time anybody verbalizes their opinions about anything and puts it out there on the internet, they take the chance that someone will take issue with what was said. That goes for people like me who write about music, and it can go for anyone. I’ve certainly read plenty of nasty reader comments over seemingly inoffensive subjects all over this World Wide Web of ours. People can be nasty. Many of them would rather take a shot at you and try to take you down a notch than live and let live. But you can’t let that scare you off. WordPress allows you to screen your comments if that’s something you think you need to do, but don’t be afraid of what others might say.

Let me sum up this writing advice in point form below.

When inspiration strikes no matter where, write it down! (Just park your car first.)
Listen to advice…
…but write for yourself.
Any good idea is worth re-using.
Don’t worry about how your art will be received. Fear kills creativity.

Enjoy the creative juices! Preferably with a great song in the background!

#382: Record Store Tales Mk3 – The New Direction

RECORD STORE TALES Mk3: The New Direction

Having been on the interweb for three years now, endlessly driveling on about heavy metal music, science fiction movies, and whining about the trials and tribulations of working in a Record Store, I have decided to make a clean break with the past. It feels like all I’ve been doing here is dwelling on events and music of the past. I’m through with the zoilism. I have now made peace with it, and moved on. It’s time to do something new for a change. I have analyzed the trends of the internet, let go of my rage, and found the next big thing. My new direction.

The new direction is this:

Mushrooms! Delicious mushrooms, the edible kind. Not the poisonous or psychoactive ones. The kind you would put in a salad or on a pizza. I love mushrooms. I always have. Some people consider them “shit flowers”* but I think they’re awesome. They taste great and smell great when cooked in butter. They’re even delicious and healthy when served raw. They are loaded with vitamins B and D, and are an excellent source of minerals. The fruit among fungus, mushrooms are a delicious way to eat healthy!

Not only are they good for you, but mushrooms are also good for the environment. New studies have shown them to be adept at removing toxins from soil. The industrial uses for the fungus in the future are limitless, and they are still being investigated for medicinal purposes, in the treatment of various cancers.

The future for fungus is bright, and I hope you will join me daily here at mikeladano.com as we share recipes and the latest science of mushrooms! But balance is also important. With me on my latest adventure is the ever loyal Aaron, to add some counterbalance to my raving. As a taste (yuk yuk) of things to come, here is Aaron’s first rant (I hope of many) on mushrooms!

Apparently Mike is writing something to praise mushrooms. And (I’m imagining) not the super-fun (so I’ve heard) hallucinogenic ones, either. No, my impression was that he meant the nasty, vile, disgusting little fungi that some people inexplicably eat in salads and all the other myriad ways people ingest the revolting things.

In his email asking me to participate as the dissenting voice (an easy job for me), he didn’t exactly specify how long my rant should be… actually, his reply was “I was thinking a paragraph of 4-6 lines, but Jesus…maybe it would be even funnier if you went balls deep, and on and on for a while!” To which, naturally, I replied THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID. Anyway, it would seem I have license to hold forth on these repellent little blobs for as long as I want!

Like most people, you’re thinking something along the lines of: what could I possibly I find so off-putting about these? Surely I’ll agree they’re tasty, and nutritious! Oh, if I’d only ever had them prepared properly, I’d surely change my mind about them! Well, no. No no no no no. And NO. They are a taste AND a texture violation. They’re nauseating, and I pick them off pizzas. Do you even know what they grow these off-putting things in? Hm? And yet still you eat them? Ohhh yes give me more of THAT unpalatable fleur de merde! Mmmmm…

*Yes, that’s right. Shit flowers. That’s what I call them, and it’s entirely appropriate, not only in taste but in the actual gardening of them. My stomach turns at the thought of finding one in a stew, stir fry or pasta. Don’t put them anywhere near my panini, sauce, soup, or my beef/chicken/anything else. Sliced, stuffed, dried, baked, or wrapped in bacon (no, not even the MIGHTY BACON can help these sad little bastards), I do not want your vomitous little bulbs of distaste.

There’s only one (appropriately-named) mushroom that truly tells the story, and that is, of course, the shiitake mushroom. At least that one knows it is shiit. And that’s the only positive I can think of, when asked to turn my mind to even the thought of these little turds.

If you like them, and actually choose to ingest them, power to you. You’re welcome to have my share, today and forever after that. Enjoy eating your shiit.

#381: There’s Only One Way to Rock

A shout-out to Geoff at 1001albums for the inspiration.

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#381: There’s Only One Way to Rock

Back in 1981, the philosopher Samuel Roy Hagar announced that there is “only one way to rock”. He made his case on the song “There’s Only One Way to Rock” from Standing Hampton, a song that he later performed in Van Halen. An except of Sammy’s argument is below:

I’ve heard it called by different names
All over the world, but it’s all the same
Now there’s so many ways to make love
A million ways I been thinking of, oh yeah

But there’s only one way
There’s only one way to rock, yeah

While Hagar is normally quite convincing, I have to disagree with him on this matter. In fact I was able to think of at least five ways to rock while on my lunch break. I am sure you can think of many more. How many ways to rock are there? Here are five of my personal favourites!

#380.5: Thank You!

KeepsMeAlive

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#380.5: ThankYou!

Thanks to you, the reader, for joining us this week for THE BEST FUCKING COLLABORATION WEEK EVER! All week, Aaron and I reviewed the same discs, and it was a ton ‘o fun. You got two reviews for the price of none each day! On Tuesday, Aaron’s gracious co-host over at the KeepsMeAlive, James, joined us to review Danko Jones’ Born a Lion CD! A big thanks to Aaron and James for a very fun week.

Due to the great reception, I have a feeling this will happen again, with an even larger field of participants. We shall see.

Below you will find links to every installment. Be sure to check ’em out, especially since you don’t want to have to read my crap all the time. Enjoy!

QUIET RIOT – Metal Health

DANKO JONES – Born a Lion

BLACK CROWES B-SIDES

THE CULT – Pure Cult

Aaron’s review (For Rockers, Ravers, Lovers, and Sinners)
LeBrain’s review (The Singles 1984-1995)

CUSTOM PRIEST BOX SET MANIA!

#380: Custom Priest Box Set Mania!

THE BEST FUCKING COLLABORATION WEEK EVER

Alas, it’s the end of THE BEST FUCKING COLLABORATION WEEK EVER!* I made a five disc Judas Priest box set for Aaron a while ago. Let’s take a close look at the tracks. Dig in!

Aaron: Custom Priest Box Set Mania!

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#380: Custom Priest Box Set Mania!

I’ve known Aaron, your incredible co-host over at the KeepsMeAlive website, for almost 20 years. For most of those 20 years we haven’t lived in the same town, so we kept in touch via email, text messages, and physical mail. It wasn’t that long ago that we were sending each other parcels semi-regularly, including musical gifts and mix CDs. Mix CDs are an art that we both take very seriously.

At one point Aaron had expressed interest in hearing more Judas Priest, so I took it upon myself to create a custom box set, by me, for him. The official Metalogy box set is pretty good, but as I said in my review for it, “just not the box set that I would have made given the opportunity.” Aaron gave me the opportunity so I decided to out-do Metalogy and go for a full five discs, and update him to the then-current Priest album Nostradamus.

I found a track listing that I drafted for that very set. The final CDs that I made for him may have differed, because I was rough-guessing my disc times here. As close as I have records of, this is the box set that I burned for Aaron. Let’s take a look at it disc by disc and see how it holds up.

Rocka Rolla – The Old Grey Whistle Test

DISC 1

1. One For The Road
2. Rocka Rolla
3. Diamonds and Rust
4. Dreamer Deceiver
5. Deceiver
6. Cheater
7. Caviar and Meths
8. Prelude
9. Tyrant
10. Dissident Aggressor
11. Better By You, Better Than Me
12. Race With The Devil
13. Stained Class
14. Beyond The Realms of Death
15. Exciter
16. Delivering The Goods
17. Rock Forever
18. Burnin’ Up
19. The Green Manalishi (With The Two-Pronged Crown)
20. Take On The World
21. Hell Bent For Leather

In my Metalogy review, I complained about the absence of “Rocka Rolla” and “One For the Road”. I have fixed that oversight here, but at the cost of “Never Satisfied”. It’s not the perfect trade-off. The ending to “Never Satisfied” was as epic as early Priest got, so it is a win for a loss. I replaced the live “Diamonds and Rust” with the studio version though, so that is a good thing for a listener like Aaron. I like that I included the rare “Race With the Devil”, a cover of The Gun. There is also a healthy dose of Hell Bent for Leather/Killing Machine. I’m not sure what I was thinking with the track order, but I probably modified that before I burned the final CD.

When the Tax Man comes for Priest’s money, he loses his head and pants!

DISC 2

1. Victim of Changes (Live)
2. Sinner (Live)
3. The Ripper (Live)
4. Breaking The Law (Live)
5. You Don’t Have To Be Old To Be Wise
6. Living After Midnight
7. The Rage
8. Desert Plains
9. Heading Out To The Highway
10. Troubleshooter
11. Turnin’ Circles
12. Riding On The Wind
13. (Take These) Chains
14. Bloodstone
15. You Got Another Thing Comin’
16. Devil’s Child
17. The Hellion / Electric Eye (Live)
18. Steeler (Live)

I see here that I included the live versions of “The Ripper” and “Victim of Changes”. I suppose that I left these on, because Unleashed in the East is such a critical live album. It simply must be represented on a box set like this, so I chose to keep a few songs, some of the best ones. I also like to include rare tracks, so I snagged the live “Steeler” from the radio broadcast CD called Concert Classics. I see a lot of personal favourites on this CD, especially from Screaming for Vengeance. Pretty damn fine disc!

In the dead of night, Love Bites

DISC 3

1. Love Bites
2. Jawbreaker
3. Rock Hard Ride Free
4. The Sentinel
5. Some Heads Are Gonna Roll
6. Night Comes Down (Live)
7. Heavy Duty
8. Defenders of the Faith
9. Turbo Lover
10. Parental Guidance
11. Reckless
12. Out In The Cold (Live)
13. Metal Gods (Live)
14. Freewheel Burning (Live)
15. Ram It Down
16. Hard As Iron
17. Blood Red Skies

From Defenders of the Faith to Ram it Down, the 80’s can be a tricky period of Judas Priest to navigate. This third CD could have been the worst. I opened with the studio version of “Love Bites”, where Metalogy utilized an unreleased live version. I think it makes a great disc opener. For rarities I went with the live “Night Comes Down” instead, a great version from the Priest Re-Masters. I also had to represent Priest…Live! from this era, so I chose its dramatic concert opener “Out in the Cold” as a live version. The live version of “Metal Gods” from that album is more melodic than others, so I went with it too. I look at this disc as some of the very best Priest from this period.

Priest with Ripper – Blood Stained, live in London

DISC 4

1. Heart of a Lion (Demo)
2. Painkiller
3. Hell Patrol
4. One Shot at Glory
5. Jugulator
6. Rapid Fire ‘98
7. Burn In Hell
8. A Touch of Evil (Live)
9. Blood Stained (Live)
10. One On One
11. Feed On Me
12. What’s My Name
13. Running Wild (Live)
14. The Ripper (Live)
15. Diamonds and Rust (Live)
16. The Green Manalishi (With The Two Pronged Crown) ‘98

There it is! “Heart of a Lion” is one of the best rare Priest demos, only available on the Metalogy box set, but recorded in the Turbo era. It would make a good disc opener, but following it with “Painkiller”? I’m not sure about my transition there. It could be like a sledgehammer of awesome, or it could be an awkward stumble. I think the most difficult mixture of different periods has to be the sudden change of lead singers. When Tim “Ripper” Owens replaced Rob Halford on 1997’s Jugulator, the band’s sound changed. That’s probably why I chose a remake of the oldie “Rapid Fire” to be one of the first Ripper songs on this CD. There are also plenty of live versions here of old Priest classics, from the various live albums Priest did with Ripper. “Blood Stained” was a live take on a new Ripper song, from their ’98 Live Meltdown album. I think it’s vastly superior to the original version on Jugulator. “What’s My Name” is included as a rare B-side from the Japanese version of Demolition. On the whole I think this is a pretty good CD representing a difficult period in Priest history, and in hindsight it could use more tracks from Painkiller.

The Hellrider, live — same version that I used

DISC 5

1. Judas Rising
2. Revolution
3. Worth Fighting For
4. Demonizer
5. Angel
6. Hellrider (Live)
7. Between the Hammer & the Anvil (Live)
8. Eat Me Alive (Live)
9. Dawn of Creation
10. Prophesy
11. Revelations
12. Death (Live)
13. Persecution
14. Calm Before The Storm
15. Nostradamus

I remember having a really hard time with this disc. I wanted to give Nostradamus a fair shake, but as a double concept album it didn’t lend itself well to chopping up into bits for a mix CD. By the time I got to this mix CD, all I had left to include were two studio albums (Angel of Retribution and Nostradamus) and a live album (A Touch of Evil) to utilize. The version of “Hellrider” from that live album is among my favourite tracks due to Rob Halford’s over the top screaming. This disc doesn’t appear to have any rarities among its tracks. Not a bad disc but I think I could have done better here.

I remember having difficulty burning the CDs to my satisfaction. There was some quirk happening with my Nero version, and ultimately I just abandoned the project and sent the discs to Aaron. Apparently I didn’t even bother making a track list or covers for him.

Making mix CDs to my own satisfaction is a lot of work. I know I sunk a lot of time into this Priest set, ripping the discs and meticulously choosing the songs. Ultimately though, it was just fun to hand pick the Judas Priest songs to help Aaron in his exploration of this awesome band.

Monday: QUIET RIOT – Metal Health
Tuesday: DANKO JONES – Born A Lion
Wednesday: Aaron’s Black Crowes B-sides
Thursday: THE CULT – Pure Cult: The Singles 1984-1995

* Not the last collaboration, however. Stay tuned.

#379: Aaron’s Black Crowes B-sides

THE BEST FUCKING COLLABORATION WEEK EVER

This series is “twice as hard”! Aaron at the KMA and myself are both taking a look at an old CD-R of Black Crowes B-sides, that he made for me umpteen years ago. Enjoy!

Aaron: Black Crowes B-Sides

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#379: Aaron’s Black Crowes B-sides

Aaron has been a generous doner of Black Crowes music to Chez LeBrain for a long time now. Witness, Record Store Tales Parts 260 and 262, in which he provided copies of the Crowes’ Sho’ Nuff box set, and the CD single for “Kicking My Heart Around”. One of the most thoughtful items he ever gave me was a custom Crowes B-side CD, culled from his own library of tunes. The Crowes have a lot of singles and rare tracks, and my collection is still to this day woefully incomplete. The disc he made me covers a ton of songs that aren’t on albums.

There were quite a few tracks on this CD that I didn’t know the origin of. I found out that the first three tracks are from the “By Your Side” CD single, which I still don’t own physically. The opener, an acoustic version of “Horsehead” with a distorted lead vocal, is killer. It sounds live in the studio, which to me is proof that you don’t have to spend weeks and months and years in the studio to make music. “Horsehead” don’t need no frills. “Grows A Rose” and “Peace Anyway” are from the same CD single, but sound more like the By Your Side album. These are streamlined blues/rock tracks, but man “Grows A Rose” sure does smoke! “Peace Anyway” is a soulful Crowes also-ran that could have been on the album as well.

“It Must Be Over” is from the “Kicking My Heart Around” single that Aaron gave me. It’s a midtempo track much in the vein of the By Your Side album but not quite as catchy. It’s a fine B-side though. “You Don’t Have to Go” is really strong, but it could use more of that organ from Eddie Harsch.

Back to the olden days, “Don’t Wake Me” is an ass-kicker with plenty of that juicy slide guitar. This track was later reissued on the remastered Shake Your Money Maker album; I don’t know where it was originally from. For fans of that old Crowes sound before they really started to experiment, this is for you. The acoustic version of “She Talks to Angels” is available on the same remaster. It sounds like an old Stones ballad and it’s flawless in this incarnation.

“99 lbs” and the slow version of “Sting Me” are also available today on the Crowes remasters. I can’t believe how much “99 lbs.” kick ass for a B-side. I know it’s a blues cover, but that’s about all I know about this amazing steady rocking tune. Steady until the end that is, where it speeds up to a breakneck pace. “Sting Me” is one of those tracks that caused a huge battle between the brothers. One of them liked the slow version as heard on my Aaron Mix, and one preferred the fast album version. This resulted in one of those physical confrontations that involved a mike stand being used as a projectile. (I prefer the fast.)

As a B-side from Three Snakes and One Charm, “Just Say You’re Sorry” is surprisingly catchy and straitghforward. I love Rich’s watery sounding guitar tone. “Mellow Down Easy” is from the same period, this being a Willie Dixon classic. I don’t think the Crowes really did anything for it. Either way, it’s on the remastered Three Snakes, although “Just Say You’re Sorry” is not.

“Rainy Day Woman #12 & #35” is a bit of a gimmicky joke cover as far as I’m concerned. It comes from a pot compilation of some kind. “Pimper’s Paradise”, a Bob Marley cover, is a more successful experiment.

Aaron closed his CD with four live tracks in a row: all four are from Air studios in London, circa 1994. The four tracks sample the first three Crowes albums quite splendidly. “Remedy” in particular strikes me as awesome. The vocal is completely different from the album version which was only two years old. You can’t say the Crowes are content to leave things be.

Man, you just gotta give Aaron a 5/5 for making this CD. What a guy!

Monday: QUIET RIOT – Metal Health
Tuesday: DANKO JONES – Born A Lion

#378: “Kick it Kevin, do something Kevin!”

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#378: “Kick it Kevin, do something Kevin!”*

If you’re like me, then you absolutely hate it when a piece of your valued technology goes on the fritz. It happens frequently enough. Something stops working, and you try to get it functioning again. For men at least, our first reaction is usually to give the malfunctioning piece of tech a good whack. You might give it a swift kick, cross fingers, and sometimes that’s all it takes! Kick it, and it’s suddenly back to life. A loose connection, perhaps. Or maybe there’s something mystical about the art of kicking something to make it work again. Whatever the case may be, fixing one of our modern tech items by ourselves is becoming increasingly more difficult today. Certainly, a kick rarely works anymore. All of us will have to replace at least one tech item in our households this year. Be it your audio device, stereo component, TV, gaming system, computer, or even just your microwave, everything we buy today has a built-in short-term lifespan.

When I was working at the Record Store, it seemed that at least two of our seven CD players were always broken at all times. When the main store player broke, we’d swap it out with one of the customer listening station players. Disc players don’t seem durable anymore. Yet somehow I still own my mom’s original 5 disc CD changer from 1991 (a Sony about the size of a battleship), and it’s the most reliable player in my home. It’s probably also the oldest piece of tech in the house. That old Sony keeps on ticking, no kicking required. Every once in a while it needs a good cleaning, but then it’s good to go once more.

Here’s another interesting fact about my Sony. It’ll play anything. Be it a DualDisc or an old cheap Canadian independent CD from the early 90’s, it can play it. Neither my PC nor laptop will play those things without an annoying amount of artificial digital noise. My 24 year old Sony will.

That one CD player aside, everything else here seems to constantly be on the verge of collapse! I had to buy a new blu-ray player last spring. The old one refused to boot up anymore. The original wasn’t a cheap player: I paid almost $500 for it, in 2010! I was beyond upset when I had to replace it (with a $120 Samsung from Walmart) but the new player has all sorts of bells and whistles built in that the old one didn’t! The ability to play Netflix, Youtube, or video files off a flash drive were all new to me when I bought it; the old player couldn’t do those things. (I almost feel like I should have waited before making the switch to Blu.)

More than just the Blu-ray player, everything else here busts eventually. Both Jen and I have owned Hipstreet brand mp3 players that broke within mere weeks. I had to replace my car stereo two years ago (I drive a 2010). Speaking of car stereos, two weekss ago my left door side speaker started cutting in and out! The following week, it died altogether. I gave it several good solid boot kicks, but it did not help and I had to have it fixed to the tune of $200. A similar problem happened in my old Plymouth Sundance. The left door speaker blew but the car was on its last legs and it wasn’t worth spending money on. T-Rev came over one night to help me pry the door panel off; we were hoping it was just a wire that came loose. We never figured it out, but we did damage the door panel in the process. I never want to pry off another door panel.

Let’s not even talk about computers! I’ve had to replace more power supplies, fans, cards, routers, monitors…hell, just last week, one of the ethernet ports on my router died. No idea why, it’s just one of those things that happens, isn’t it? The nice thing though, about being forced to replace something like that, is that you are almost certain to be upgrading every time. Since the technology becomes fancier over the years, if you blow a hard drive you’ll most likely be replacing it with a bigger and faster one.

Faster, sleeker, tricked out…technology keeps getting more exciting, but more disposable. When I was a kid, it didn’t seem that way. Each family had a VCR…that was their VCR. They didn’t go and buy a new and better one every two years. Each kid had a ghetto blaster. That was their ghetto blaster…it was expected to last many years. If it broke, you fixed it or got it fixed. That’s how it went. Today, we go buy a new one, and pay a recyling fee to throw out the old. Seems to me like it’s not the technology that’s broken, it’s this disposable culture we live in.

* The title refers to an on-stage meltdown by the band Extreme last year. Their own technology went sour and they were having sound issues all night. Nuno walked off stage…Pat walked off stage…leaving singer Gary Cherone and drummer Kevin Figueiredo up there trying to play “Get the Funk Out” by themselves. After Cherone begging “Kick it Kevin, do something Kevin!” the drummer too left the stage, leaving everyone in puzzlement.

#377: The Iron Age of Computing

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#377: The Iron Age of Computing

In 1995, the year after I started at the Record Store, we opened our first used CD store that wasn’t run entirely by a cash register. For the first time, the store had a computer, and computerized inventory! We then expanded to a third store in 1996 (the one that I managed), and this time we were going to try something new – two computers! Imagine that? In 1996, having two computers in the same store seemed like a luxury! This way, one computer could act as a cash register, while the other one was used to look up and input new inventory. In theory!

Our software was written completely in-house. Today if you want to open up a retail store, you would buy a point of sale software (POS) system. Not us; ours was entirely home grown by one guy, the uncle of the owner! I believe it was a massive long term undertaking. Meanwhile, staff members input all of the inventory manually – thousands of items.

It’s really funny to look back on this period from today’s point of view. I was not very computer literate but I learned quick. I remember that networking the two computers was a nightmare. It took months for him to get it working with our software. Everything seemed so fragile. If you sneezed funny, you could freeze the computers. By comparison to today it felt like the stone ages. We had no email, no internet, and the actual machines were not what you’d call top of the line even for back then.

Common problems we used to run into back in the day:

Backing the memory up. We started with a disc drive, then a tape drive, and finally a second hard drive. It used to take so long to back up our inventory every night (particularly in the tape days) that we just stopped doing it. Nobody was going to stay an hour late (unpaid) to watch this thing backup and make sure it didn’t crash. No way!
Inventory would disappear, or just be inaccessible. Nothing like coming in on a weekend morning to find out you can’t access the inventory! This happened due to one file that used to regularly corrupt. If a customer came in with a big box of CDs to sell, we had no choice but to run up and down along the shelves to see if we had copies of them. Couldn’t look them up any other way.
Running slooooow. Unfortunately customers used to take this out on the staff. I remember one of our staff, a really sweet girl named Caitlin, had just started and she was dealing with a really nasty woman. At that moment the computer decided to take a siesta. Caitlin said to the woman, “I’m sorry, my computer is running really slow.” The woman responded, “Well do something about it because I am running really fast.” Thanks for the understanding, lady.
We discovered that you could not input CDs on two computers at once. They would conflict with each other and give you an error.

Every few years, one of the computers would be replaced. Not with a new one, but usually with another old one that was still superior to whatever we were running. Then a year or two after that, the other computer would be replaced, and we’d keep upgrading like that without ever really running anything brand new. But we made it work. Rivals would have loved to get their hands on our software, or our master CD pricing catalogue. The master catalogue was painstakingly inputted by just one individual. A hell of a lot of typing and hard work!*

We did the best we could with what we had available at the time. It’s absolutely incredible how much the technology has changed. My cellphone today has more computing power than our first point of sale system. Where did the time go?

*The inputting of the master catalog indirectly triggered my first experience with workplace bullying, something I have been hesitant to speak out about. Even though it was many years ago, it’s not a good memory. The story has been written, but it remains in the draft stage and will remain there for the time being.

#376: The Rock n’ Rasslin’ Connection

“Piledriver” by Koko B. Ware

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#376: The Rock n’ Rasslin’ Connection

My dad turned me on to wrestling. He grew up with golden age greats — guys like Mad Dog Vachon, Sweet Daddy Siki, Little Beaver and many more. I was raised on re-runs of those old matches (on the rare occasions they were on) and of course Vince McMahon’s WWF.

For me, it all began around 1985. McMahon had been boosting the WWF with cross promotions into music and movies. Hulk Hogan became pop star Cyndi Lauper’s “bodyguard”, and she began making appearances at WWF events, until “Rowdy” Roddy Piper assaulted her, kicking off a feud with Hogan that culminated in Wrestlemania I with Mr. T! It was a fun time to watch wrestling.

The wrestling characters looked like rock stars. Some, like the Demolition and the Ultimate Warrior, didn’t look too different from bands like Kiss. Most of the guys had long hair. It was easy to see the visual connection.

McMahon released The Wrestling Album in late ’85, capitalizing on his music connections. Wrestlers were given the chance to sing campy theme songs, while rock star Rick Derringer contributed a legitimate rock track called “Real American” for Hulk Hogan, for which a music video was made. This was followed by a second album called Piledriver, on which Derringer recorded a heavy metal theme song for the tag team Demolition.

“Real American” by Rick Derringer

Ozzy Osbourne appeared in Wrestlemania II, by the side of the British Bulldogs for the tag team championship. Wrestlemania III, even bigger than the first two, was attended by Alice Cooper in the corner of Jake “The Snake” Roberts. Roberts was facing off against a music-based character, an Elvis impersonator called the Honky Tonk Man. While Roberts lost the match, he and Cooper exacted revenge by dumping a huge python named Damien all over Honk Tonk’s manager, “Colonel” Jimmy Hart (himself a musician – Hart had a Top 5 hit in 1965 with the Gentrys on a song called “Keep on Dancing”).

The next step was a Grammy-style WWF awards show called the Slammy Awards. I caught the 1987 installment, billed as the “37th Annual” even though it was only the second. The wrestlers were given the chance to lipsynch their songs while chaos ensued backstage between “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan and “King” Harley Race. It was plenty stupid, obviously completely fake, and a lot of fun. I actually watched it again not too long ago and made it all the way through!

The family went to WWF events about once a year. They were held at the Auditorium, and the seats were shitty, but we did get to see Randy “Macho Man” Savage when he was the champion of the world! It was Boxing Day, Dec 26 1988. All my shitty camera captured of him was a red and black sequinned blur. You can see Miss Elisabeth’s hair and arm holding the ropes for him. Both these stars are dead now. Savage was facing off against Akeem (formerly One Man Gang) in a non-title match. I also have some pictures of “Canada’s Greatest Athlete” Iron Mike Sharpe, and Axe and Smash (the Demolition with manager Mr. Fuji) from the same night. A magical blur, these pictures are! Emphasis on the blur.

I don’t follow wrestling anymore, and I haven’t since the 80’s. If I see an old match from my day, I still stop and watch it. Just like a good song, an old classic wrestling match sure can bring back the memories.

Who was my favourite, you ask? André Roussimoff, better know as André the Giant. Known for his huge size and equally huge heart, the Giant used to wrestle and defeat multiple opponents at the same time. Author of the Princess Bride, William Goldman said, “André was one of the gentlest and most generous people I ever knew.” For those reasons, he always will be my favourite wrestler. Second to André would be his friends in Demolition, Axe and Smash, who you can see in the pictures below battling the Powers of Pain.

“Demolition” by Rick Derringer

#375: VH Predictions FAIL!

RECORD STORE TALES MkII: Getting More Tale
#375: VH Predictions FAIL!

I like to think I’m such a know-it-all. Higher-than-thou, my musical knowledge trumps yours, etc. However when I’m wrong (it happens frequently), sometimes I’m colossally wrong. Below is an example of me being completely, 100% totally wrong. Although I’m glad I was. When the Van Halen reunion with David Lee Roth was announced, I believed it would not last long. I took the time to write out this list below. With the live album coming, and the hot rumours of another tour, this is a great time to showcase one of my most colossal failures as a clairvoyant.

Date: 2007/02/08 07:10

TOP TEN REASONS WHY THE =VH= VAN HALEN REUNION TOUR WILL GO DOWN IN FLAMES

10. Wolfgang Van Halen on bass means that there are three Van Halens in the band vs. one Lee Roth. David will feel outnumbered at every turn.

9. Wolfgang Van Halen, a 15 year old kid, is an untested property. Will it sound like the same band without the very recognizable Michael Anthony on bass?

8. No new songs, no new album, just another greatest hits (the third and most obvious rip off for your money). [NOTE: at the time Van Halen were planning to release a “best of DLR-era” CD, which was thankfully cancelled.]

7. David Lee Roth’s voice has been utterly destroyed since about 1991.

6. Eddie Van Halen is but a shadow of the man he once was. A raging alcoholic surrounded by yes-men, his guitar playing hasn’t touched upon brilliance in almost a decade. Throw his 15 year old son into the alcoholic tour and you have recipe for disaster.

5. Roth and the VH brothers haven’t gotten along in decades. The fact that the brothers recently attempted–and failed at–a reunion with Sammy Hagar before this indicates that this is a last-ditch effort to save the band. Not exactly the kind of motive to make a reunion happen.

4. Roth will say and do what he wants, much to the chagrin of the ultra-controlling VH brothers.

3. Alex VH’s spinal problems, while not heavily discussed, are probably only getting worse with time.

2. 40 dates isn’t much of a tour for a band of this stature.

1. Classic VH = Edward Van Halen, Alex Van Halen, David Lee Roth, and Michael Anthony. Without Anthony, this is not classic Van Halen. This is in effect the fourth version of the band. VH-IV, if you like. That isn’t what I wanted to see on tour this summer.

I am glad to be have been proven wrong on this one. Van Halen has defied the odds and my predictions. I couldn’t be happier about it.

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