A few weeks ago, Mrs. LeBrain was on her way home and she stopped at her regular Tim’s to get her evening coffee. Unfortunately the OHL team the Erie Otters were in town, were thirsty, and arrived at Tim’s first. Standing in line were about 30 big-kid coffee orders waiting to be made.
Unwilling to go home without her Tim’s, and already planning to take a cab the rest of the way, she came up with a plan to cut the line.
Within minutes her cab had arrived…and she was ordering her coffee in the drive-thru. Meanwhile inside, Tim’s were were still taking orders from the Otters’ defence.
The “Kelvin era” or “JJ-verse” Star Trek movies have been more “miss” than “hit”. There was a time when you could count on every even-numbered Trek to be excellent, but Star Trek Into Darkness (#12) and Star Trek Beyond (#13) were two rotten movies in a row. What went wrong?
Too. Much. Dumb. Action.
Specifically, there is one modern action motif that is freakishly common today and it drives me insane every time. It’s when a vehicle or body hits a wall or other obstacle, going right through, and keeps going, and going…minimal damage and zero loss of momentum. This happens far too often in Beyond. Hell, the bad guy Krall (Idris Elba) has a swarm of spaceships completely based on this physics-defying visual.
Every time Beyond feels like it’s going somewhere, the movie devolves into meaningless, dull action. The shame of it is, there are other scenes that are character-driver and almost vintage Trekkian. Dr. McCoy (Karl Urban) caring for an injured Spock (Zachary Quinto) felt right. Captain Kirk (Chris Pine) tiring of his daily space-grind was reminiscent of the original Star Trek pilot “The Cage”, and also colours in a little bit about how the prime Kirk eventually became an Admiral. These slower, more contemplative shots are then succeeded by numbing action, so far removed from Gene Roddenberry’s original vision that you can hear his complaints in the back of your mind.
Idris Elba is unfortunately underdeveloped and buried under layers of makeup. His character Krall has cloudy hatred for the Federation, believing that their mission of peace and exploration weakens humanity, who must instead be prepared to defend itself. Krall is not all he appears to be, of course, but the reveal is far less interesting than it could have been. Ultimately, the setup is never enticing nor is the execution. Since the plot is based entirely on the motivations of the villain, the movie can’t hold together. It’s just an alien looking for a superweapon so he can kill lots of people. And it’s never made clear why he even needs that superweapon, since he can do plenty of damage on his own.
Case in point? Krall [SPOILER] takes down the U.S.S. Enterprise only three years into her five-year mission. Compare this to the original prime U.S.S. Enterprise, which only went down only in a last ditch attempt by her captain to keep his crew alive. Only after 40 years in space, three television seasons, and three movies. Its ending was poignant, and after saving the crew countless times, it was earned. This ships’ ending was not earned, to use the words of Rob Daniels. We’ve only known her in a few hours of screen time. Her demise was not earned. It was just a gimmick to sell tickets. See the Enterprise go down!
A new character created for this movie, Jaylah (Sofia Boutella) is a tough nut and good companion for Scotty. Unfortunately, knowing the past history of female sidekicks in Star Trek films, that means you’ll never see her again.
Sadly, Anton Yelchin (Chekov) died tragically in an accident shortly before the film’s release. J.J. Abrams has said that Chekov would never be recast by another actor.
Star Trek Beyond both gains and loses points for some real-world references. The death of Leonard Nimoy in 2015 is reflected by [SPOILER] the death of Spock prime in this film, and there is a beautiful moment to reflect on that. Less successfully, the character of Sulu (John Cho) is ret-conned as gay, to honour George Takei who played the original Sulu. Even Takei found this ret-con to be strange since he never portrayed Sulu as gay at any point in the series. It technically doesn’t directly contradict anything from the prime universe, but it feels so awkwardly shoed in.
Star Trek Beyond has, for the time being at least, ended Star Trek’s theatrical comeback. Patrick Stewart has confidently returned to television in Picard, and so Trek never dies. No thanks to Beyond.
Helix made a bit of a comeback in 1990. Their last studio album was three years prior. Brent “The Doctor” Doerner was gone. And their new platter, Back For Another Taste, was just a little different. It was also their best in many years — maybe ever. A little more serious. The new video for “The Storm” reflected that.
MuchMusic was on set to watch “The Storm” being made, and got to talk to Brian Vollmer and Daryl Gray. Longevity and the importance of music video are discussed here. From Hostess Sneak Previews in spring 1990.
THE DARKNESS – Easter is Cancelled(2019 Canary Dwarf, Japanese release)
I’m baffled. I’m truly baffled this time, and I’ve followed The Darkness through thick and thin! From brightest days to darkest nights. From Stone Gods to Hot Leg. And for the first time, The Darkness have thrown me for a loop.
Easter is Cancelled sounds like their rock opera, their big concept album, with gentle acoustics turning into loud bombast. It looks brilliant on paper, but in practice it sounds more like Tenacious D. That’s it — this isn’t a Darkness album. This is what the D should have released instead of whatever Post-Apocalypto was.
Where I used to shout with glee as one gleaming riff gave way to another and then another, now I hear only fragments. Only portions of great tunes, not completely brilliant tracks front to back. The top track is actually one of the bonus songs, called “Different Eyes”. The guitar work on Easter Is Cancelled is consistently stunning, at least.
This review has been painfully hard to write. I take no pleasure in this. It took months of agonising to get here. I don’t want to hate The Darkness. I want to embrace them — all four of them! — with open arms and heart. Perhaps one day, I will again. With all due apologies to Justin, Dan, Frankie and Rufus, this one wasn’t for me.
2/5 stars
I would be neglecting my rock and roll duty if I didn’t report on the Japanese bonus track, “Dancing House”. It’s only a minute long and it’s…umm…about people dropping in for a party. It sounds like bad B-52’s. Really bad B-52’s. I cannot discern its purpose or reason to exist.
GETTING MORE TALE #817: Breaking Up With a Radio Station Girl
What followed this was actually one of the top five worst weeks of my life. I was house and dog sitting for my parents, when I suddenly got a throat infection. So I got dumped by this girl, I can’t swallow anymore, I’m taking care of two houses and a stubborn dog, that’s enough to handle already. Schnauzers, you know how they are. Well this one particular bad schnauzer is named Ani. Ani pooped herself and got all the poop matted in her butt fur. It was stuck in there so bad that I had to cut it out with a scissors, and then bathe her, all just minutes before I had to leave for work. And then, just when I thought that the week was over and things would get back to normal soon, I busted my glasses. I was scraping the ice off my windshield, and I slipped. I somehow got caught onto the antenna which sprung loose and thwacked me right in the face. My glasses, minus one lens, were down in the snow. A fucking brilliant week.
Many of the old Record Store Tales today seem unfinished. So I dated a Radio Station Girl — what happened next?
It was close to the end of winter 2003. It was a week much like this one. Elli was coming down to spend the weekend. She worked two jobs. Due to her shifts at the radio station and the Blockbuster Video, we usually only got a few hours together before she had to head to another job. She surprised me earlier in the week with a visit at the Record Store. Since she was living in Stratford without a car, that surprise visit made my day. In an email she even called me the “best boyfriend ever” for the first time. Yes, this weekend was going to be awesome! Everything was coming up Mikey.
I drove down to Stratford to pick her up on the Saturday night. Something was immediately off. I couldn’t put my finger on it. I asked her if she was hungry. She answered, in a strange child-like voice, “Chick-en”.
“Yeah you want some chicken? Do you want me to stop for some McNuggets?”
“Chick-en!”
That was all I could get out of her. It was a bad sign. The entire weekend was…cold. She was unaffectionate and distant. I couldn’t figure it out. She didn’t seem interested in anything and even though she was supposed to stay Monday night too, she bailed early.
Everything felt wrong. When the week resumed and everybody was back to work, she stopped responding to my emails. I thought I was the “best boyfriend ever”. Now I couldn’t even get the time of day.
And I was starting to feel sick again. My throat was sore. I toiled through the week and I was supposed to see Elli again on the weekend. I hoped to resolve whatever was going on between us, but I already knew it was over. Before I left the house on Sunday night to see her, I told a friend that I was “going out to get dumped by a girl.”
I was disappointed at best, and very angry at worst, that I had to drive to Stratford for her to dump me. The third and final breakup. At least she did it in person. She said she was applying for jobs at radio stations coast to coast. I offered to help, adding “but I don’t think you really want my help.” I was right. She didn’t want anyone tying her to home, and it was over for good this time. I put on my coat and boots and headed back to Kitchener.
I was seething with anger, but the sore throat was lingering, making everything worse.
My parents bought me some Chloroseptic throat spray, which temporarily helped. But I didn’t realize (because I hadn’t seen a doctor in 14 years) was that I had a full-on throat infection. Before too long the pain was unmanageable.
The parents were going on a trip and I was housesitting and dogsitting for them. This was the beginning of one of the legendary Top Five worst weeks of my life. The parents bought groceries for the week. I was really looking forward to the jalapeño potato chips that I picked out, but I couldn’t get even one down. My throat was ablaze with hot, stinging pain. It was like I had a molten hot steel ball bearing in my throat. Every swallow hurt, even when lubricated with ice water. The infection had also screwed up my taste buds and everything was sour. I was a sad sack of shit on top of it all. Even the dog couldn’t cheer me up.
It was a harsh winter. Scraping the ice off my car, I caught myself on the antenna. It came back and hit me right in the face, knocking a lens out of my glasses. That was it – rock bottom. I had enough. Or so I thought.
I remember lying in bed in pain, unable to swallow. I prayed to God. I said, “I can handle being dumped, and I can handle this sore throat, but I can’t handle both at the same time.” I couldn’t get any time off work. There was nobody available to fill in, except for half a day on the Friday. I realized I didn’t have a choice and would have to see a doctor.
On the Thursday, just as I was leaving for work, the dog took a shit, got it all matted in her butt fur, and proceeded to wipe herself on the carpet. I chased her around in frustration, dunked her fighting into the wash bin, got a pair of scissors, and painstakingly cut all the shit out. I cleaned the carpet and headed to work in sad frustration.
Like a miracle, my throat cleared up on the Friday. I didn’t need to go to the doctor.
My heart took a little longer to heal. But heal it did. VoiVod released a new album on March 3 and that was the start of it. It was their first album with Snake on lead vocals in a decade, and their first ever with “Jasonic” (Jason Newsted) on bass. The lead single was an old fashioned speed rocker called “We Carry On”. The title spoke to me as much as the riffs.
Music heals all…except throat infections.
So we are ready for more adventures? No crystal ball to see the future. Driven by a need to create, On every mile we ride our fate. In my heart, In my soul, In my blood, In my bones. It really does make you feel strong, Like you would be forever young. Day after day sharing and giving, Reinventing the ways of thinking. In my heart, In my soul, In my blood, In my bones, In my hands, On my face, In my eyes, Here’s my rage. This is our time, This is our song, This is our lives, We carry on. No need to say, it’s far from pure, Once you’ve touched it, there is no cure. We ride our way throughout the sun, We just got here, and now we’re gone. In my dreams, In my hope, In my fear, In my goals, In the sky, All around, In the light, Underground. This is our time, This is our song, This is our lives, We carry on.
For a few albums starting with their fourth record Disillusion, Loudness began recording English lyrics for outside Japan. For the Japanese versions, the lyrics are a mixture of both languages with the choruses usually sung in English. Whichever version you hear, Disillusion will satisfy your craving for memorable heavy riffs, brilliant vocals, and incredible guitar shredding.
Guitarist Akira Takasaki was considered the Japanese Eddie Van Halen and you can hear why on Disillusion. Though Loudness are heavier than Van Halen, Takasaki employs techniques similar to King Edward. Disillusion opens with the thunderous “Crazy Doctor”, on which you can hear the Van Halen chords loud and clear, though the track sounds more like heavier vintage Dokken. As outstanding as Akira is, also unmistakable is singer Minoru Niihara. The original Loudness frontman could really sing with all the necessary panache and metal inflection.
The opening guitar shreddery on the speed metal “Esper” recalls St. Edward once again, but Loudness could have given Metallica a run for their money on this one. Completely over the top! A number of fans think that Loudness softened their sound when they released their American major label debut Thunder in the East in ’85. You can understand why they think that when you hear “Esper”. However this is a balanced album, and the more melodic “Butterfly” slows things down so you can catch your breath. Unfortunately “Butterfly” is the closest thing to a mistep on this otherwise brilliant disc.
There’s a Maiden-y vibe to “Revelation” circa Piece of Mind, but not just because of the name. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that Loudness were influenced by Maiden. We do know that both Loudness and Maiden were influenced by Deep Purple so there might be some convergent evolution going on.
The parallels to Sir Edward continue on side two with an instrumental called “Erupt…” err, sorry, it’s called “Exploder”. Whatever the similarities, Takasaki is an enticing guitar player and he came to public attention exactly when this kind of playing was most popular. “Exploder” blows away most of the competition. Only a handful of players could do stuff like this and they usually had names like “Rhoads” and “Halen”.
Vocals return on “Dream Fantasy”, another blazing hot metal extravaganza, with solid chorus intact. It’s worth noting that Takasaki was not alone in musical excellence. Drummer Munetaka Higuchi (R.I.P.) was a heavy-hitter who could thrash it up and come up with interesting fills. Masayoshi Yamashita has a knack for a busy, melodic bassline, though mostly holds down the fort so Akira can fly.
“Milky Way” boasts a cool, smoother style of riff and another exemplary Minoru Niihara chorus. It’s a challenging arrangement with different rhythms and textures. Loudness were not simply banging out metal riffs for your rock and roll crazy nights. They were stretching the boundaries of their abilities, playing intelligent metal like the Scorpions and Priest did in the 70s. But they also weren’t afraid of getting down n’ dirty, as they do on “Satisfaction Guaranteed”. Though you can’t tell without the lyric sheet, it’s the only song that is completely sung in English. It’s not the lyrics, but the riff that will hook you. Note the passing Maiden-esque gallop.
This version of Disillusion concludes with an epic “Ares’ Lament”. It’s a cross between early Maiden and Scorpions with a touch of darkness, with a long shadowy outro reminiscent of “Child in Time”. It’s a brilliant end to a pretty stunning album.
Disillusion is not immediate, except for “Crazy Doctor” which will hook you at first listen. It’s a busy record, so you need to give it a couple proper listens to let the riffs and hooks come to the fore. Once they do, you will uncover many elements of pleasure in the grooves within. It sounds uncompromised and is more unique than the albums that followed. It’s a fine example of metal forged in integrity.
It’s impossible to acquire a “complete” Bon Jovi collection; trust me on this. Even Jon Bon Jovi doesn’t have a complete Bon Jovi collection. Up to a certain point in time, it’s fun to collect as many B-sides and bonus tracks you can get your hands on.
The second single from “best of” album Cross Road (1994) was “Someday I’ll Be Saturday Night”, and it was a pretty clear indication of where the band would go on their next album These Days. But — surprise bonus — this single doesn’t have the studio version (that you already own) from Cross Road. It has an uncredited live version instead! Added bonus — Alec John Such on bass. He had yet to be replaced (on stage, anyway) by Hugh McDonald. This is probably the only live version of the hit with Such on bass.
Make no mistake, “Someday I’ll Be Saturday Night” is a great song. There’s a Bon Jovi niche for acoustic rock songs with down-on-your-luck/inspirational lyrics. “My life’s a bargain basement, all the good shit’s gone.” This is Jon’s bread and butter. He wouldn’t know a bargain basement if he was shopping for old Bon Jovi singles in one, but he does this kind of rock really well. This is one of the last of his must-haves of the genre.
Another rare one, “Good Guys Don’t Always Wear White”, is a studio track with the well-worn cowboy motif. It’s from the movie The Cowboy Way featuring Jon’s old Young Guns buddy Keifer Sutherland. Unexpectedly, this one is an intricate hard-driving rocker, with a Sambora riff that he could take pride in. Tico Torres is absolutely on fire on the kit. That guy can lay down a groove while throwing in challenging patterns just for fun. Why can’t Bon Jovi rock like this anymore? This track feels more honest than the hard luck songs.
Two more live songs finish the CD. These two are from Montreal in ’94: “With A Little Help From My Friends” (Joe Cocker style) and “Always”. The reason Bon Jovi can get away with “A Little Help From My Friends” is Richie Sambora, who always brings the soul and the integrity. That’s not to say that Jon sucks. Check out the note he holds at 3:57. The man had lungs back in 1994! The demographics of the audience are obvious: “Always” is almost drowned out by a sea of high-pitched screams! It’s one of their last ballads that really deserves that kind of cheering though.
A great single is one that you can list to independently of the album, and doesn’t sound like a bunch of miscellaneous bonus tracks. This single is like that. There’s no wasted space, no filler, and no tracks you can get on the albums. The live stuff is high grade and the studio track is extremely valuable for its hard rocking nature. This is more like an EP than a single, but it’s all semantics. Let’s just call it:
4.5/5 stars
You say you don’t like my kind, A bitter picture in your mind. No, it don’t matter what I say, I hear you bitchin’ when I walk away. I’ll never be what you want me to be, You tell me I’m wrong but I disagree, I ain’t go no apology. Just because I don’t look like you, talk like you, think like you, Judge and jury, a hangman’s noose, I see them in your eyes.
Ah, 1998, a simpler age for simpler folks. We had just finished upgrading all our cassettes to CDs. Those old LPs that were gathering dust in the garage finally hit the curb and the landfill where they belonged. The digital age had arrived! Time for another new format to sweep away the old.
Are you ready for Digital Versatile Disc?
This segment was from the MuchMusic news program FAX, during a period when they used “videographers” carrying cameras on their shoulders at all times, to catch those always-breaking stories. Oh, the late 1990s.
Canadian rock sensation Aldo Nova made his very first visit to the MuchMusic studios in July of 1991, on the Pepsi Power Hour hosted by Michael Williams. Getting down to business, Aldo plays an unplugged “Modern World” from his brand new album Blood on the Bricks!
This nearly 20 minute segment is Williams and MuchMusic at their finest. Aldo is engaging and frequently demonstrates songs on acoustic. Subjects covered:
Signing a deal / starting out with “Fantasy”
Producing early Celine Dion recordings
“Runaway”
“Blaze of Glory”
His band and working with a singer instead of singing himself
mikeladano.com 