Slight increase in difficulty. See if you can name all five.
This time, don’t answer in the comments section — instead, send your answers straight to me. Click here and fill out the contact form! The first person to name all five wins my eternal respect and a shout-out on my blog. Cool? Let’s play!
RECORD STORE TALES Part 289: Tom’s Frozen Beater
This is a previously unreleased story! It was first recorded in audio format only, as a special “exclusive” Record Store Tale for Sausagefest XII. Now, the text version is available for all to enjoy — a rare exclusion to the “What happens at Sausagefest, stays at Sausagefest” rule.
It was early in 1995, winter. The near-legendary Tom, who today hosts Sausagefest every year, was working the day shift at our mall store. I was working the 5-9 shift. As was my modus operandi, I showed up early (about 4:30) to check out the new stock and do bank runs. Tom and I caught up for a bit; he was acting as store manager for the moment and let me know what needed to be done.
His shifted ended, Tom met some of his friends at the store, and departed. I began my shift and started pricing new CDs for sale.
10 minutes later, Tom and his friends stormed back into the store.
“FUCK! Fucking piece of shit car! Fucking doors are frozen shut!”
It was the first time I had ever seen Tom enraged.
“Jeez, is there anything I can do to help?”
“Not unless you have lock de-icer on you,” Tom responded. I did not have lock de-icer. I had walked to work.
I’m assuming the Zellers store in the mall was also sold out of de-icer, because Tom’s next proposed solution surprised me.
“Fuck it. I’ll just sleep here tonight. I have to open tomorrow anyway. Yeah, fuck it. This is fine. I’ll fucking just lie down in between Easy Listening and Rap. Fuck it. Yeah. Fuck, I’m sleeping here tonight.”
Great googly-moogly! Was that even allowed? Tom scoped out that section of floor, eyeballing it, making mental measurements.
“Fuck, this is perfect, I’ll just sleep right there on the floor.”
Thankfully one of Tom’s friends found some hot water from the mall coffee shop, and with some effort they got one of the car’s doors open. If they hadn’t, it might have been the first time somebody slept on the floor! (It would not have been the last time – a homeless man fell asleep on my floor in the middle of the afternoon once.)
Tom however has a different conclusion to the story: “A little piss on the lock and voila…”
Queensryche get the name. Geoff Tate gets Mindcrime I and II.
In summation, the band Queensryche purchased the rights to the name from Tate. In exchange, Tate gets exclusive rights to performances of Operation: Mindcrime I and II. That sounds like a great solution all around. So the band Queensryche can’t play Mindcrime in its entirety anymore — who cares! I don’t. It’s been done, twice. Tate’s the guy who has the connection to the story, so for him to play it makes sense to me. He can change it stylistically if he wants, he can do anything with it.
Some very relieved musicians made some statements today, and fandom breathed a sigh of relief. It is over.
“Keep on rockin, keep on rockin’, to this metal tonight!” The first of two Anvil reviews this week!
ANVIL – This is Thirteen (16 track vinyl edition, 2009 VH1 Classic Records)
I won’t go into the whole Anvil story — see the movie (Anvil! The Story of Anvil), and then get this album if you haven’t already. Don’t get this album because you feel sorry for Anvil and want to help them on their quest for stardom; buy this album because it is one seriously heavy piece of metal greatness. It’s amazing that thirty years on, a band can come up with something as strong or stronger than their classics.
Surely some of the credit must go to veteran knob-twister Chris Tsangarides (Judas Priest, Thin Lizzy, Bruce Dickinson) who produced This Is Thirteen. Tsangarides, if you’ve heard his past productions, gets a simply great sound and performance out of bands. In particular, heavy bands like Anvil. Everything here sounds great — the drums are pounding, clear and heavy and the guitars are shredding and crisp. Excellent sounding record! (NOTE: Tsangarades has been ill recently, and we wish him nothing but the best.)
The songs? Well, originally there were 13 songs…this is Anvil’s 13th album, get it? However, some extras were added to this vinyl edition (more on that later). The core 13 songs are pretty damn strong. I would say heavier than the “classic three” Anvil records, but every bit as catchy and memorable. The riffs are the kind that bore their way through the skull into your brain. And Lips plays almost all the guitars here — clearly, he is not only a talented frontman, but also an underrated shredder. No one will mistake Lips for Alex Skolnick, but he’s like a more talented Nigel Tufnel — and I mean that in the nicest way — style wise. (Former lead guitarist Ivan Hurd also appears on a handful on tracks.)
Bordering on thrash metal at times, and sinking to Sabbathy lows at others, This Is Thirteen gives you a variety of metal to sink your teeth into. Check out the title track “This is Thirteen” for some seriously heavy doom. Sounds like something on Sabbath’s Dehumanizer CD, even lyrically. I’m sure Dio would approve. Then skip ahead to something fast and heavy like “Shoulda Woulda Coulda”. This Is Thirteen has a little of everything!
Highlights for this listener included the title track, the apocalyptic “Bombs Away”, “Burning Bridges”, “Feed The Greed”, “Room #9” and the three bonus tracks.
I love when bands put bonus tracks on vinyl. It makes the metal geek in me scream in joy. Here there are three:
14. “Thumb Hang” – a song Lips & Robb wrote in highschool, about the Spanish Inquisition. Finally recorded 30 years later, it’s actually a pretty decent song!
15. “Metal On Metal” – re-recorded for that heavier sound, but don’t worry, it’s not modernized at all. It’s a straight remake, just better sounding.
16. “666” – same deal. The great thing about these re-records is that it allows new Anvil fans to get their two best known songs along with the new album. Pretty genius if you asked me!*
My only gripe? Occassionally Lips’ voice can be a little grating. I have the same issue when I listen to Megadeth for a couple hours on end. I just can’t listen to Mustaine’s voice for too long in a row. Lips’ voice isn’t as grating to me, but too much Anvil and I need to play something else.
4/5 stars
* These three songs were later re-released on the 2011 Anvil compilation Monument of Metal.
BON JOVI – The Circle (2009 Island CD/DVD edition)
The Circle is an apt title for this Bon Jovi album. They returned from their pop country detour down the Lost Highway and returned to essentially exactly where they were on the previous album, Have A Nice Day. If you are familiar with Bon Jovi, you know that Have A Nice Day was an OK record full of pop rock like “Last Cigarette”, modern and slick. That’s what this record is too, but that’s starting to get a little old.
First single “We Weren’t Born To Follow” (I find that title ironic as Bon Jovi didn’t spend much of their career leading, musically) is a great, uptempo song with a catchy chorus and slick guitar playing by Richie Sambora. It’s another in a long succession of latter day Pop Jovi successes. The best tune on this record is the the “statement song” regarding the economic collapse: “Work For The Working Man”. However, isn’t there something we’ve heard here before? Doesn’t Hugh McDonald’s bassline sound a lot like the one from “Livin’ On A Prayer”? Even if it’s little more than a rewrite of the same hook, it’s a great song with a powerful chorus. It has some muscle to it, and is one of the few songs on the album that does. Rhythmic and strong, this echoes not only “Prayer” but also “Keep The Faith” in some respects.
Elsewhere on the album, there are some intriguing sounds that almost remind me of the back-to-basics goodness that was These Days, and the heavier moments on Bounce (see: “Bullet”). However “Bullet” is also bears unpleasant similarities to Collective Soul. There are also moments that take me back to Lost Highway and Crush ,but not in a good way. Songs like “Fast Cars” and “Brokenpromiseland” (ugh!) just sit there like the flaccid Pop Jovi songs that they are. Bon Jovi are on cruise control.
My two favourite Bon Jovi albums of recent vintage (ie: post-Keep the Faith) are the criminally underrated These Days, and Bounce. What the band need to do is: A) get their MVP back, Mr. Richie Sambora. B) write an album without all these outside writers like John Shanks and Billy Falcon, based on rock and roll, not the radio. The Circle is close at times. “Learn To Love” for example was written by Jon and Richie with Desmond Child, and approaches a vintage These Days epic quality.
How likely is Bon Jovi to rock out like they used to? The DVD documentary included with this edition of The Circle is not encouraging. Entitled When We Were Beautiful (named for the U2-like song on the album), it is an insightful look into the inner workings of Bon Jovi. It also has some enticing live clips. (Please, Jon, please! Release a full length audio version of Richie singing “I’ll Be There For You”, it’s great!) However it is quite clear that Jon is the driving force of the band, and the rest of the guys are salaried employees of the corporation. Jon is very clear that he’s a businessman and he must make albums that he thinks people will like. It’s unfortunate that he’s decided that pop music is the answer. I think it’s unlikely Jon will be breaking new ground again soon.
But you never know.
3/5 stars
RECORD STORE TALES Part 288: The Lady In Red?
In mid-1996, I was minding the store one sunny morning. It was a pleasant summer day. A quiet morning, I was at the counter inputting new stock. As I slaved over a hot keyboard, entering CD after CD into inventory, I saw an old lady in a slinky red dress enter the store. As was our custom, I said hello as she entered. She didn’t respond and I went back to entering CDs as she looked around the easy listening section of the store.
That is when I noticed something very unusual with the lady in red. (For the time.)
My boss noticed it too, as he emerged from his office in the back. She barely had any hair on her head. We both came to the realization at the same time: the lady in red was a man!
An old, skinny, bald man in a red dress!
It was not a pleasant sight, this skeletal frame accented by the loose silky red fabric. LGBTQ+ is A-OK by me but this was a sight from a horror movie. A living dead zombie in a dress. Shopping for CDs.
My boss and I exchanged glances. We looked back at the man, just to make sure our eyes were not deceiving us. No; that was most definitely an ancient man in that red dress, casually browsing the easy listening section. Perhaps he was looking for some old Chris de Burgh?
My boss said to me, “Mike, can you go over there and see if he needs help finding anything?”
We watched as the skeleton spent 10 or 20 minutes browsing, the only customer in the whole store. Then without a word, but with a flourish of his red dress, he left. I never saw him again.
I wonder if I would have made a customer if I had approached the walking cadaver in red for help? Too bad I didn’t have a copy of The Very Best of Chris de Burgh. I could have popped in his theme song and made a sale!
QUIET RIOT – Extended Versions (2007 Sony BMG)
There are several Quiet Riot live albums available: this one, Setlist, Live at the US Festival, and Live & Rare. All are vintage recordings from the early 1980’s. Of the three, you might look at Extended Versions and pass on it. It looks cheap and unofficial. To overlook this CD would be a mistake, and this is why.
Sure, it lacks any sort of booklet or liner notes. All I know is that the first eight tracks are from Pasadena in 1983, and the last two from Nashville the same year. From the outside you wouldn’t know that. The only information is the ominous “Recorded Live” which tells you very little indeed. Being 1983, this is the “classic” lineup of Kevin DuBrow, Frankie Banali, Rudy Sarzo, and Carlos Cavazo, on the Metal Health tour. Introducing “Love’s A Bitch,” DuBrow reveals that they only began their US tour a short while ago.
Perhaps because it’s early in the tour, or maybe because they’re home in California, Quiet Riot pulled out two rarities for the Pasadena show. These are “Gonna Have A Riot” and “Anytime You Want Me”, neither of which are on Quiet Riot I or II. Both are written solely by DuBrow, but “Gonna Have A Riot” is from the Randy Rhoads period. “Anytime You Want Me” is of more recent vintage, and it’s actually quite an excellent pop rocker. Also rare was the set opener, “Danger Zone”, unreleased until 2001 when the studio version was added to the Metal Health remastered CD.
In addition to the rarities, you get the hits: “Metal Health”, “Cum On Feel The Noize”, “Slick Black Cadillac”, “Love’s A Bitch”. There’s also a handful of well liked album cuts such as “Let’s Go Crazy” and the smoking “Breathless”. That song knocked me out as an 11 year old and it still does today. All performed by the band in their prime, before the downfall.
Live & Rare sounded awful, but this CD sounds pretty good. I’m not sure if it’s a radio broadcast, but it’s perfectly listenable. It’s too bad there’s no packaging, because if this had been packaged with more effort and care, it could have been sold as an “official” live album quite easily. Bummer there’s no liner notes, all you’re going to get is the music. However, the music stands up for itself and it’s an enjoyable live album.
4/5 stars
ERIC CARR – Rockology (2000 EMI)
Eric Carr, who should by all rights be in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame with his bandmates, is such a tragic loss. He earned himself a legion of fans after just 10 years in Kiss. Knowing that Marko Fox is one such fan, I asked him what the other Fox meant to him:
“Being both a Fox and a drummer, I can positively say that Eric Carr’s work on Creatures of the Night remains one of the coolest achievements in rock…If only I could figure out how to master his makeup design…”
All true. But Eric Carr wasn’t just a drummer. He could play enough guitar and bass to write songs, and he could sing. His voice wasn’t super commercial, but neither is Gene Simmons’. One reason his loss is painful is because Eric was a virtually untapped well of creativity. I think every Kiss fan knows that Eric Carr was unhappy that he had so few lead vocals and writing credits on his Kiss albums.
Rockology is a series of demos, some in a near-finished state and some left incomplete. Recorded in the late 80’s, before Eric knew he was sick, these were to be used for cartoons and other miscellaneous projects. Bruce Kulick finished recording some guitar parts and mixed it 10 years later. He also wrote liner notes explaining origins and intentions for each track.
While there is nothing here that screams “hit single” today, in the late 80’s it would be easy to imagine “Somebody’s Waiting” on the radio with Paul Stanley singing. It would fit right into that Kiss Hot In The Shade or Crazy Nights era. Other songs here are more heavy and riff based, such as the Gene-esque opener “Eyes of Love”. When Eric sings the heavier songs, his voice falls into a Gene-like monster growl. On the ballads, his falsetto echoes Paul Stanley. Most songs here would have made excellent Kiss album tracks. Most are better than the filler that Kiss was padding their albums with in the late 80’s. It is a shame none of these songs were finished by Kiss themselves, as the full band would have made them more special.
Best track: the unfinished “Just Can’t Wait”. This instrumental has a really catchy guitar part, and I just know if it had been finished with verses and a chorus, it would have been classic. It was written for Crazy Nights by Eric, Bruce and Adam Mitchell.
Special mention must of course go to Bruce Kulick. He overdubbed guitar solos for a few of the songs, and I am sure each one came from the heart. Bruce is a very intelligent musician, but he’s also more passionate than he often gets credit for. I’m sure for Bruce it was passion rather than money that inspired him here.
Buyer beware, however: These songs are definitely unfinished. They are as polished as possible given some of their rough origins, but in some cases there are no drums, just drum machines. In other cases, there are no lyrics, just scratch vocals. Eric’s talent still shines on every song. His is a life that Kiss fans will continue to mourn.
The Kiss army, especially the lovers of the 80’s, need this as a crucial companion piece to their collections. Everybody else will have a tough time justifying owning it.
Long live the Fox!
3/5 stars
Dedicated to Iron Tom Sharpe, who doesn’t understand that sometimes you just have to blow off steam and review a shitty album.
I have a soft spot for Poison, and I have every album. Every album that is, except Hollyweird. After several spins in-store, I realized this was never an album I was going to listen to again. (Although I did, for this review actually — you’re welcome.) Let’s face it, a “classic Poison lineup” reunion is not exactly earthshaking, especially when they traded down a true maestro in Blues Saraceno for CC to return. Not to mention Richie Kotzen before him. CC will never be classified as a guitar hero. It’s CC’s songwriting that he brings to the Poison table, that and some sloppily good rhythms. However Poison’s songwriting on Hollyweird is much like the production values — flat and dull.
13 songs clocking in at just over 40 minutes, this is a collection of short pop rockers and ballads. The cover of “Squeeze Box” is pretty putrid, and Who fans would cringe if they happened upon it. Most of the originals are just plain dull, lacking the bombast, hooks, flash and excitement of any previous Poison album, Native Tongue included. If only Poison could have continued along the lines that they were pursuing with Crack A Smile, or even re-recorded it with CC. Alas, this is the worst of all Poison studio albums, and it was such a lame duck that the band never recorded another one (as of 2014, this is the most recent Poison studio album aside from the covers-only Poison’d).
The opening and riff to “Hollyweird” is pretty decent, but the song itself is pretty suck-tastic. Maybe I should take back what I said about CC. He’s the only good thing about this song. “Shooting Star” (a supposed sequel to “Fallen Angel”) is annoyingly bass heavy, and Bobby Dall ain’t that great a bassist. CC’s riff is the only good thing about it, since the chorus is drowned out in mush. Thom Panuzio isn’t a hack producer by any stretch, but he didn’t even show up on Hollyweird. Then, somebody thought it would be a good idea to let CC DeVille sing lead on “Emperor’s New Clothes”. The sad thing is it’s one of the better songs (even though it sounds more like Sum 41 than Poison). CC sings three songs on Hollyweird, but who cares?
Lowlights: Stinky “Squeeze Box,” whack “Wishful Thinkin’,” generic “Get Ya Some,” dull “Devil Woman,” horrible “Home”…or should I say “Homes,” since both Bret and CC have their own versions of this pop-punk wannabe? (In a row!)
Highlights: “Wasteland,” maybe.
Tired, dull, derivative…pick your adjective.
1/5 stars
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