kiss

RE-REVIEW: KISS – eXposed (1987 video)

The KISS RE-REVIEW SERIES Part 31: 

 – eXposed (1987 VHS/2002 Mercury DVD)

“Hello.  The show we are about to see is a rousing docu-drama.  It will disgust some, and titillate others.  But whether it disgusts you, or titillates you, it is the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but…the truth.”

Kiss were on to something here.  The concept of a home video release that was more than just a compilation of clips was fairly new.  Kiss took the bull by the horns and put together a video that was all at once extremely sexist and innovative, offensive and invaluable.  Only fans need apply; anyone who is sick of Gene Simmons’ schtick will bore quickly of his oafish humour.  But when Kiss play it “straight” in certain interview segments, light shines through.  The old memories and the old friendships are fresh and vivid.

Interviewer Mark Blankfield strolls up to the “Kiss Mansion” where all four members live Monkee-like together in one house with dozens upon dozens of beautiful women. The doorbell plays “Rock N’ Roll All Nite”, and Paul Stanley is confused. He thought the interview was scheduled for…not noon, but 12 midnight! Nyuck, nyuck, nyuck.

The KISS Mansion

Some of the scripted bits are actually funnier than you’d expect. Paul and Gene are natural clowns, and playing the role of disinterested rock stars tickles the funnybone.  Blankfield keeps chasing them around, trying to get them to do some interviews.  All the while, he encounters scantily clad babes in various states of undress, and a butler intent on keeping him away from them.  Subjects of discussion in the scripted bits include nutrition and fitness.  Learn about Joseph Kiss Sr., who came up with the vision of Kiss in 1773.  Check out Paul Stanley’s workout video!  Meet his best friend, a monkey named Sonny Crockett. Cut to a music video!

The music videos are something. In a scripted bit, Paul is surprised that they have access to the uncensored version of “Who Wants to Be Lonely”, which neither MTV nor MuchMusic were willing to play. Censors were offended by images of women in bikinis spraying themselves with hoses, even though I’m sure George Michael did something similar a couple years later. Every music video that Kiss filmed from “I Love It Loud” (1982) to the Asylum album (1985) is included, except “Thrills in the Night”.*  All videos from eras prior to this are live and unreleased!

“Deuce” in San Fransisco

Live in Rio, from Kiss’ very last concert in makeup, it’s “I Love It Loud” with Vinnie Vincent!  This is good quality video and audio from a TV broadcast.  From the now famous bootleg Kissin’ Time in San Francisco (1975), it’s a nuclear version of “Deuce” in black and white.  It’s the first appearance of Ace Frehley and Peter Criss in this feature, and the rawness of the old band is a delightful contrast to the new.  Then it’s “Strutter” at Cobo Hall in ’76, an Ace guitar solo from 1980, and “Beth” in 1977 with Peter Criss (and a pretty bad final note).  Gene’s got a bass solo/blood spitting clip to show off, but the most interesting clip of the batch could be “Detroit Rock City” in Australia, 1980.  Paul did the verse melody with a slightly different twist.  “Rock and Roll all Nite” is included from the same show, which had Eric Carr on drums.  “I Stole Your Love” and “Ladies Room” have the original lineup from the Love Gun tour; Kiss at their bombastic best.

Of the best of the “straight” interview clips is the question, “How did you two get together?”  Paul and Gene start busking to “I’ll Be Back” by the Beatles, and suddenly you can imagine what they sounded like in 1972.  They even sing bits of Gene’s more…obscure early material.  “I love Eskimos…”  “My mother is beauuuutiful…”  (Hopefully we will hear these songs on Gene’s upcoming 150 track box set, Vault?)  Another good question, to Gene, is “Have you gone Hollywood?” which he answers with candor.

Incredible special features

The very large issue with this DVD is the absence of Bruce Kulick and Eric Carr.  They only appear in brief cameos, and get a couple lines a piece.  That’s very unfortunate.  And then there is the excessive objectification of women.  It’s done as an obvious satire of the rock star stereotype, but not particularly well.  Too bad.  This isn’t Spinal Tap.

Some of the diehards would have preferred a home video with more music and less gags.  Fortunately Kiss got the message when they eventually  got around to a sequel.

3/5 stars

* It appears  that “Thrills in the Night” must have been intended for inclusion at one point, because it’s in the songwriting credits at the end of the video.

Paul’s Beauties
The Archives

 

 

Original mikeladano.com review:  2012/08/03

REVIEW: Vinnie Vincent Invasion – Vinnie Vincent Invasion (1986)

The KISS RE-REVIEW SERIES Part 30:  Vinnie Vincent solo #1.

VINNIE VINCENT INVASION – Vinnie Vincent Invasion (1986 Chysalis)

Where oh where did Vinnie Vincent go? The mercurial ex- guitarist with genius level skill resurfaced after 1983’s Lick It Up with his new band, the Invasion.  Ex-Journey singer Robert Fleichman did the self-titled debut album but was quickly replaced for the music videos and tour with an unknown named Mark Slaughter.  Rounding out the band were Dana Strum and Bobby Rock on bass and drums.

As I sat there listening to this album for review, a reader told me: “I could never get into VV Invasion.”

My brief response to him is my review:

Dude…it’s comical. Vinnie just goes full shred to the point of stupidity. Like seriously stupid: like some idiot just hammering as fast as he can, like a kid whacking off or playing video games. And then he gets the singer to go as high as possible. It’s shrill. You can hear the songs have good riffs, but virtually every song has something to it that ruins it.

1/5 stars

 

 

RE-REVIEW: KISS – Crazy Nights (1987)

The KISS RE-REVIEW SERIES Part 29:  

 – Crazy Nights (1987 Polygram, 1997 Mercury remaster)

Here’s a little song for everybody out there.

It’s a song that is a recurring theme for Kiss in the 1980s.  It’s a down and out song: Asylum failed to live up to commercial hopes and the band only  toured in North America.  Paul Stanley was still firmly in control of Kiss.  His partner Gene Simmons was now a record label mogul.  He signed Loz Netto and House of Lords.  Meanwhile, Paul observed bands like Bon Jovi who once opened for them, now eclipsing their success.

Kiss chose producer Ron Nevison for their next album tentatively titled Who Dares Wins.  Nevison had recently produced big hits for Heart and Ozzy Osbourne, and Kiss aimed to follow along.  The new music was the most commercial they’d written since 1980’s Unmasked.  Big name songwriters participated on all but two songs.  Much to the chagrin of Kiss fans, keyboards were brought on heavily for the sessions.  Paul had been writing on keyboards for the first time.  (In concert, keys were played offstage by Gary Corbett.)

The album was renamed Crazy Nights, preceded by first single and video, “Crazy Crazy Nights”. From the first “Woo!”, it’s far too bright and shiny. It’s one of those “gosh, this is so inspiring!” tunes that you’re embarrassed to like.  “They try to tell us that we don’t belong, but that’s alright, we’re millions strong.”  The awkward change to a higher key at the end is annoying as Paul hits absurd notes.  Bruce Kulick’s guitar playing is exemplary, a showcase of true technical mastery, but not the kind of playing associated with classic Kiss.

A pretty stinky song called “I’ll Fight Hell to Hold You” is a mish-mash of mismatched parts and very high notes.  It inspired my neighbor George to say, “If a song this poor made the album, can you imagine the songs that didn’t?”  Gene wrote about 25 songs for Crazy Nights.  Shudder.  “Bang Bang You” is pretty weak too, keeping things in “park” rather than “drive”.  It’s also the second time Paul referrs to a previous Kiss song in the lyrics.  This time Paul states that he’s gonna “shoot you down with my Love Gun, baby.”  On “Crazy Crazy Nights”, Paul stated that we “Love It Loud”.  Reminding fans of better songs from more nostalgic times?

Bruce Kulick gets a smoking guitar into on Gene’s first track, “No No No”.  Every trick in the book is thrown down in a mere 45 seconds.  The track is a sudden fast thrash into heavier territory.  However it’s track 4, and it’s Gene’s first song?  That’s problem numero uno.  The second issue is Gene’s newfound smooth singing style.  The demonic growl is gone, and Gene adopted a clean voice that does not really sound much like Gene Simmons.  He continues that style on “Hell Or High Water”, a pretty good tune in fact.

Things go a ridiculous extreme on “My Way”, another one of Paul’s “inspirational” tunes.  “I’m gonna talk like I talk, walk like I walk, My Way.”  Sinatra this is not.  What sinks it are the stupidly high notes that Paul hits.  Paul Stanley was simply one of the great voices in rock, bar none.  He could do things that few people this side of Freddie Mercury could do.  But just because you have a car that can go 200 mph doesn’t mean you have to keep it floored.  Save it for when it counts.

Side two commences with another atrocity, “When Your Walls Come Down”, which never would have been in consideration for a better album.  Consider that Eric Carr wrote a number of ideas for this album that weren’t used, like “Dial L For Love”.  That unfinished song had a Van Hagar vibe that was on trend, and potentially better than crap like “When Your Walls Come Down”.

The first Kiss ballad since “I Still Love You” on Creatures of the Night (1982) is “Reason to Live”.  A weak ballad is of little interest, and the music video surprised some by having Bruce Kulick on stage playing damn keyboards!  Paul and his buddy Desmond Child are responsible for a song we’d rather forget.

Simmons returns with a great number called “Good Girl Gone Bad”.  Cliche title aside, this understated dusky prowler has melodic qualities in common with some of Gene’s better material on Unmasked.  Another decent song, Paul’s “Turn On the Night” is a hokey but good enough anthem for the 80s.  It’s co-written by Diane Warren, who later scored it big with a little song called “I Don’t Want To Miss a Thing“.  It will be too bright for some fans, but it’s a tasty pill if you can swallow it.  Paul has always had a way with a chorus.  Bruce’s solo is another standout.  “Turn On the Night” is actually pretty good.  The music video seemed to be a continuation from “Reason to Live”.  The blonde woman that torched Paul’s car seems to be now sabotaging a Kiss concert on a roof top?  I’m very confused.

Crazy Nights ends with a fart, a pretty low-grade Simmons tune named “Thief in the Night”.  On a better produced album like Creatures, a song like this could have smoked the competition.  On a plastic, thin album like Crazy Nights, it completely misses the gut.

It’s probably unfair to lay the blame for Crazy Nights at the feet of Paul Stanley and Ron Nevison.  If Gene wasn’t out trying to discover the next big band, and was actually focused on Kiss, could they have gotten it together?  The fact is that Kiss are at their best when running full steam.  It’s always been a partnership between Paul Stanley and Gene Simmons as the primary writers.  Crazy Nights represents a point at which these partners were working like broken cogs.

It’s a damn shame.

Today’s rating:

1.75/5 stars

Uncle Meat’s rating:

0/5 steaks 

Meat’s slice:  For this Meat’s slice, we include an actual commentary, as Uncle Meat listened to the album in real time.

Uncle Meat:
This first shit tune…sounds like a wrestling entrance.

Mike LeBain:
Totally.
It’s of the time.

UM:
It’s shit.

ML:
You couldn’t even give this 0 steaks.

UM:
It’s Warrant…It’s Poison…It’s shit.

ML:
You’d have to go to rotten ground beef for this.
And that’s…fuck what’s his name…

UM:
And that key change is ridiculous!!!!!!!!!!!! So awful.

ML
…Ron Nevison produced.

UM:
This is shit.

ML:
Enjoy my friend.
It gets pretty silly later.
Wait until you hear My Way.
Mark my words.
Reemember: MY WAY.
I’ll walk like I walk, talk like I talk, My Way…

UM:
If I end up taking a walk and killing a 48 year old Chinese woman…It’s on you my friend.

ML:
I realize that.
It’s right here in permanent Internet records.

UM:
Well…first absolute shit tune is over…and it’s rated dung.

ML:
Second song is worse.

UM:
The shit storm is over Randy…
Oh no it’s not Mr Lahey…because here comes song 2.
I’m using that in my review of this album…

ML:
HAHAHAHAHAH

UM:
I’m so glad I shaved my head two days ago…or I would be lighting my hair on fire.
Bang Bang You…just about to start.
I see it’s a Desmond Child vehicle.
Grrrr
This is so garbage…hot steaming garbage.
I dont know if I can do this whole album.

ML:
HAHAHAHAHA Bang Bang You…
You have to finish it now.

UM:
I hate this.

ML:
You can tell this is the period when Gene wasn’t around anymore.

UM:
My bum is embarrassed for my ears right now.

ML:
You think this is bad, I invite you to play Hot in the Shade.

UM:
OK…fuck man…it’s only song 4 of this one…hold it now.

ML:
I’ll shoot you down with my love gun baby.

UM:
I’m not guaranteeing I’m getting through this one.

ML:
You can’t walk away now.

UM:
And…I might just review the first 4 songs…and say… ok…I’m done…don’t care about the rest…goodbye.
Goodbye.
That would make a point.

ML
Nope you HAVE to play MY WAY.
I need you to hear track 6.

UM:
Who is singing No No No?
Kulick?

ML:
Gene.

UM:
Doesn’t sound like him.

ML:
He doesn’t sound like him on any of the album.

UM:
Oh…ok…he sounds different.

ML:
Nevison forced him to drop his normal voice.

UM:
Passable.

ML:
Barely.

UM:
Kinda reminds me of Skyscraper by David Lee Roth.

ML:
Same era.
Very plastic and keyboardy and samply on the drums.

UM:
Better than the first 3.
Eric carr’s only writing credit.
Does Kulick or Carr sing any tunes?

ML:
Nope just Gene or Paul.
Eric was promised a song and didn’t get one which made him very bitter.
Apparently he stopped speaking to Paul around the next album.

UM:
I mean on any album.

ML
Eric sings two.
He sings Beth on Smashes and Thrashes.
And Little Caesar on Hot in the Shade.
Bruce sings one.
I Walk Alone on Carnival of Souls.

UM:
Ok…that’s weird.

ML:
Funny thing there:
Both guys sang their first original Kiss songs on their LAST Kiss albums.
In Fact Bruce’s song is the last song on his last Kiss album.

UM:
Neat.

ML:
In the current band Eric Singer and Tommy Thayer both have two lead vocals each.

UM:
Hell or High Water is…boring…not offensive like earlier.
Sounds like Tesla.

ML:
But you can hear his voice is smooth not rough.

UM:
I just wrote down one line now in the first minute of My Way.
“Bon Jovi can fuck right the fuck off already”.
Oh man this smells.
It’s like actual runny sharts are oozing throught this speaker.
OK… Reason to Live is on a new shelf of shit. Holy Fuck. Of course…Desmond Fucking Child. What a shit hat.
It sounds like St. Elmos Fire meets Michael Bolton working out in a shit gym.
OK…I’m done it’s off…I can’t do anymore…no fucking way.
Done.

 

Crazy Nights is the last album reissued in the Mercury CD remasters series.  No album more recent than this has been remastered and reissued.

Original mikeladano.com review:  2012/08/04

#592: Gene Simmons on Addiction? (GUEST SHOT by Aaron Lebold)

Please join me in welcoming back guest writer Aaron Lebold. Today he’s discussing Gene Simmons’ recent controversial comments on addiction.  This post was intended for Saturday, but as it happens, August 25 is Gene’s birthday.  So, here is Saturday’s post a little early.  Happy birthday, Gene!

GETTING MORE TALE #592: Gene Simmons on Addiction?
Guest shot by Aaron Lebold

In a recent interview with The Chicago Tribune, Gene Simmons from the band Kiss is quoted as making the following statement;

“I’ve never done drugs or alcohol, so my soul is intact.”

I have never personally been a fan of Kiss, and have always found the way they present themselves, and the way they sound to be a bit of a dichotomy. Regardless of my personal opinion, I have always done my best to remain objective. With this in mind, I find this statement to be rather ignorant.

Clearly the notion of avoiding substances is a positive thing, and the fact that he is successful in many ways and has never used any drugs, or alcohol sends a positive message. This statement however seems to fuel the stigma that people who do drugs are not as good as the rest of society. Apparently Gene thinks that people who struggle with addiction no longer have souls that are intact.

Drugs and alcohol are simply a byproduct of a bigger picture, and just because Gene has not found a place for them in his own life does not mean that he hasn’t taken other things to excess in the same manner. Everyone who has heard of Gene Simmons has also heard about the countless sexual partners he has had, and is likely aware that he will make money off just about anything.

Sexual addiction is a very real thing, and can ruin lives and relationships in the same way as drug or alcohol dependency. Of all the partners Gene has had over the years, I imagine that not all of them were single, and a lot of relationships were likely destroyed. This shows disregard for others, and selfishness in the same way that can be presented by people in addiction seeking their next fix.

I am also fairly certain that with numbers like Gene has, he didn’t always use protection. The risk of Sexually Transmitted Infections or diseases strongly mirrors that of a heroin addict who is willing to share needles. It is reckless and potentially fatal, and also runs the risk of passing them on to others unknowingly. Again, this is typical addict behavior.

When we think of addiction it is often drugs or alcohol that first come to mind, but that is only one way that this can be presented. Most addicts use substances to cope, but after a certain amount of time it becomes obvious to others, and they generally seek help. This is not always the case, but they say the first step is admitting you have a problem, and judging by Gene’s constant bragging I assume he has yet to reach that conclusion.

Just because someone is successful it doesn’t mean they are happy, money and fame will only take you so far, then like everything else in life the novelty will wear off. The amount of marketing that Gene Simmons is involved with is often comical. I generally compare him to Krusty the Clown from the TV show The Simpsons because he wears make-up and will put his name on anything if he thinks it may sell.

Money and business are also things that can be addicting. Anything that takes the focus off your life, or your own problems can overtake your reality. Does Gene Simmons really need to make a Kiss Coffin? A kiss toilet seat? These are real items for sale, and to me this indicates that Gene clearly is more focused on making money then preserving integrity.

Things are not always as they seem, just because Gene Simmons looks like he has it all, my guess is that he is just as lost as the rest of us. He even went to the extent of recently trying to patent the “devil horns” hand gesture, which was being done before he even got into music. How do you get to the point where you already have more money then you could ever spend, but still want to try and stake claim to the way others can shape their own hands?

To me that speaks of someone who is obsessed, which again is no different then someone who struggles with any other addiction. It is not my place to criticize someone I don’t know, but at the same time it isn’t his place either. The idea that he is better than anyone else because he has abstained from drugs is laughable. He clearly has no problems taking things to excess, and my guess is that if he found enjoyment in drugs he would likely have a different story.

Some people simply don’t like to alter the way they think or feel. Sometimes it is hard for them to be in a position where they have less control over what is going on their life. The fact that Gene Simmons has never used to the point of intoxication does not make him a hero, his actions have still destroyed lives and turned into an obsession. Substances just weren’t his thing, and avoiding things you don’t like isn’t exactly a heroing feat.

If you are interested in blogs about addiction and recovery, please check out my wordpress site;
aaronleboldblogs.wordpress.com

#591: My Rock and Roll Lullaby

GETTING MORE TALE #591: My Rock and Roll Lullaby

When I was a young child, I used to hum myself to sleep.  My favourite music was movie themes.  Whether it be Superman, Indiana Jones or Star Wars, soundtracks were 99% of what I liked to listen to.  And 99% of those soundtracks were John Williams.  Come bedtime, mom or dad would tuck me in, and I’d hum a favourite theme until I was asleep.

As I entered the pre-teen years, my parents bought me my first ghetto blaster.  It was a Sanyo, built solid like a Brinks truck.  The Sanyo brought music back to bed time, only now I didn’t have to hum!

By the time I had the Sanyo, I was getting in to rock and roll really seriously.  Kiss tapes were great for falling asleep to.  They were just the right length, and I loved each and every album.  Sure, you’d have to get up halfway through to flip sides (no auto-reverse on my first Sanyo), but suddenly I had a new bedtime routine.  I’d literally rock myself to sleep.

This nightly habit soon became nightly necessity.  It was hard to fall asleep without music!  If we were away from home, I’d bring a Walkman, but falling asleep with earphones on was uncomfortable to say the least.  Cheap 1980s earphones were not designed with comfort (or sound quality) in mind.

The bedtime music habit continued through highschool and into university.  Sometimes I worried, “What happens when I get married?  Is my wife going to want to fall asleep to Kiss Alive with me?”

No, no she wouldn’t.  But I did manage to start falling asleep without music.  When I got my own place, I’d stay up a little later and go to bed when I was exhausted.  If I tossed and turned, then I would throw on a CD to help me fall asleep like the old days.

Have you ever needed musical accompaniment to fall asleep?  What tunes did you like?


No, no no!

RE-REVIEW: KISS – Asylum (1985)

The KISS RE-REVIEW SERIES Part 28:  

 – Asylum (1985 Polygram, 1997 Mercury remaster)

When we last met our heroes, they were a fractured bunch with differing priorities.  Gene Simmons cut his hair and went to Hollywood.  Paul Stanley was steering the Kiss ship singlehandedly.  They were down a guitar player (Mark St. John) but were fortunate to find his replacement in Bruce Kulick.  Not only was Bruce an old acquaintance (his brother Bob played on a number of Kiss tracks) but he was also just what the band needed.  He added a shot of stability and wrote good material.  He has three writing credits on his first album Asylum, and that was just the beginning.

Paul and Gene produced Asylum, in a similar way to how Animalize was recorded.  As had become routine, Gene wasn’t around to record some of the bass parts in Paul’s songs.  Jean Beauvoir returned to fill in, while Paul also played some bass.  Without Gene fully committed, Asylum was the second Kiss album in a row hobbled by his reduced participation.  Animalize was a huge selling album for Kiss having gone platinum.  Asylum sounds like Paul wanted to duplicate that record.

Eric Carr opens the album with a thunderously memorable drum intro.  Carr didn’t have to try to impress anybody; his drumming brought Kiss to a higher level musically.  His double bass work on “King of the Mountain” would make Lars poo his pants.  For Carr fans, “King of the Mountain” surely must be considered one of his brightest moments.  Fortunately the song also kicks ass.  As one of the Kulick co-writes, the new guitarist impresses immediately.  His soloing style was so much smoother than his predecessor Mark St. John.  He had similar speed and ability but better composition when it comes to solos.  Meanwhile, Paul takes this high octane speed rocker and turns it into a rallying call of encouragement.

I’m gonna climb the mountain,
I’m gonna hit the top,
I wanna go where nobody’s ever been,
I’m never gonna stop.

Who needs Shakespeare when you just need a good shake?  “King of the Mountain” is fuel injection for the bloodstream.

Over to Gene.  “Any Way You Slice It” kicks ass.  He had a habit of barking out his lyrics in the 80s, and “Any Way You Slice It” is very bark-y.  The riff really catches air and takes off.  Back to Paul, and a big single.  “Who Wants to Be Lonely” has a chug and a plaintive chorus.  Paul’s vocal abilities were at a peak, but it sounds like Gene was nowhere near the studio when it was recorded.

There are a lot of contributions from outside songwriters on Asylum, from people such as Desmond Child and Jean Beauvoir.  One of the few songs without them is “Trial By Fire” by Gene and Bruce.  Once again the rhythm is a chug, but this simple little rocker is appealing.  There’s nothing wrong with the chorus, but it has never been played live.  Nor has Paul’s “I’m Alive” which just takes the speed thing to an absurd level for this band.  Kiss isn’t a speed metal band and “I’m Alive” isn’t a memorable song.  “I’m hot enough to give you chills.”  I’ll take your word for it, Paul!

Flip the album and you’ll hear “Love’s a Deadly Weapon”, which both Gene and Paul have a credit on.  This is noteworthy, because the pair hadn’t written anything together on Animalize and only one track on Lick it Up and The Elder each.  That’s all the co-writing credits they had together after the infamous Kiss solo albums.  However, “Love’s a Deadly Weapon” isn’t really a co-write.  It’s one of Gene’s songs, with a title and some words taken from a Paul Stanley demo called “Deadly Weapons”.  Again, Kiss takes the speed level to the absurd.  This ironically renders the song powerless.

Fortunately Paul’s big single “Tears are Falling” brings back the quality.  It was one of the few songs from this era to continue to be played live.  It was kept in the set on the Revenge tour, and had been brought back periodically by the current lineup of the band, even appearing on their last album Kiss Rocks Vegas.  That’s because it has a chorus that goes on for days and days.  Bruce’s guitar solo is one his most memorable, which doesn’t hurt either.

Gene’s “Secretly Cruel” shows off his sleazy side, on a likeable but forgettable album track.  He wrote this one solo, just as Paul did for “Tears are Falling”.  And it’s sleazy from there in.  “Radar for Love” is a Paul/Desmond composition with a groove and a chorus that nails it.

And then it’s “Uh! All Night”.  Yes, “Uh! All Night” is the name of a song.

I’ll confess that when I first heard “Uh! All Night” in 1985, I didn’t know what “Uh!” meant.  I figured it meant “partying” or something.  And there was a period when I really liked this song, but that was over 30 years ago and it sure has worn out its welcome.

Kiss went on tour again, never leaving home territory except for one date in Toronto.  This was a step backwards for the so-called “Hottest Band in the World”.  Asylum wasn’t the hit album that Animalize was.  Money was becoming a problem.  These are problems they aimed to solve next time.

The irony is, although Asylum wasn’t as big as Animalize, song for song it’s probably a better album.

Today’s rating:

3.5/5 stars

To be continued…

Original mikeladano.com review:  2012/08/02

#583: Rock and Roll Shooz

GETTING MORE TALE #583: Rock and Roll Shooz

Feature image credit:  @MarriedandHeels

How rock and roll are shoes?  Not very.  But certainly some rock bands have had some exceptional footwear over the years.  The wild, multi coloured cowboy boots of Poison, Cinderella, Bon Jovi, and the gang…remember those?

In a world where image matters, you needed a cool pair of shoes to complete the look.  Glam rock bands went with cowboy boots, while thrashers and punks tended to go for skate shoes.  But who has the best shoes in rock?

  1. Robert Plant

Robert Plant?  For reals?  Yes, for reals!  Robert is about the only rock star to make sandals cool.  Sandals are about as un-rock as shoes can get.  But if you’re Robert Plant, it matters not.  A bare-chested long-haired blonde blues screamer in sandals is still rock and roll.  The sheer un-rock-ness of sandals combined with Robert Plant makes them infinitely rock and roll.

  1. Lady Gaga

You might not consider her very rock, but she did perform with Metallica.  Her outrageous footwear hasn’t caused her any broken ankles…yet.  Hiking in high heels?  Why not.  She’s done that.  In a Gaga world, anything goes.

 

 

  1. Elton John

Before there was Kiss, there was Elton John.  People remember the outfits, wigs and glasses, but don’t forget the silver platform kicks!

 

 

2. Chris Cornell

In honour of former customer Nancy who was obsessed with Cornell and his boots.  RIP Chris!

 

 

 

1. Gene Simmons

Dragon boots.  Enough said!

 

 

 

I had my own pair of goth platform boots in the Record Store days.  I remember I had them delivered right to the store, because I was never home to receive packages.  When they arrived one of the bosses asked “Where do you think you’re going to wear those?!”  Fuck you, that’s where!  The boots were the centerpiece of my Paul Stanley costume.

At work, running shoes were the most comfortable.  We were not allowed to sit, so you had to stand for your whole seven hour shift.  The first time, it takes a little getting used to.  After that you’re golden, but comfy kicks are the key.  Lady Gaga could not work a shift at the Record Store.

When I was hit with a 12 hour shift, which was more frequent than you might imagine, I discovered that changing your shoes halfway through the shift helped.  I’d bring a spare pair with me and change at the middle point of the day.  It helped with the pain and felt like a fresh burst of energy.

Today I have a pair of heavy steel-toed boots at work and they’re great for the leg muscles.  They are nice heavy shoes.  Walk around in those all day and you will build some pretty awesome leg muscles.  Not very rock and roll, but definitely heavy metal.

WTF Search Terms: WOO! edition

WTF SEARCH TERMS XXXVII: WOO! edition

What are “WTF Search Terms”, you ask?  Simply, they are phrases that people typed into a search engine to wind up at mikeladano.com.  They’re sometimes weird, sometimes wonderful, and always amusing.  I hope you enjoy this 37th instalment of WTF Search Terms!

First please welcome “Nature Boy” Ric Flair to the WTF Search Term family!  The 16 time world wrestling champion was immortalized in the Legendary Klopeks song “Ric Flair” from their album Straight to Hell.  Someone googled the lyrics:

i wanna do a chop i wanna do a woo i wanna be like ric flair cause he’s so fucking cool

I love that somebody heard that lyric and had to google it.  Next up:

does anyone like the 2002 version of blizzard of ozz

The answer is yes:  Sharon does.  But next is a band that Sharon does not like.

benjamin of beef iron maiden

Oh, autocarrot.  I think they meant Benjamin Breeg.

This next person mixed up two bands, but it also could be autocarrot.  Funny either way:

deep leppard heartbreak

Then a grouping of searches for Snake the Tattoo Man.  But people need to decide where he’s from.  (It’s London).

snake from brantford tattoo guy
guy named snake in london, on
the man called snake, london, on

I got a chuckle from this next one:

fankie banali sucks

Well, let’s be fair.  Frankie Banali is an awesome drummer.  I’d never say he sucks.  I never have.  But his current version of Quiet Riot does kinda suck.  Unlike the following album:

europe last look at eden satanic lyrics

Oh, come on.  I’m sick of the “satanic” accusations levelled at this band.  Some deluded people actually think Joey Tempest is a demon.  I’m not fucking kidding.  Next question.

does album slave to the grind have any value?

Only what the music is worth to you.

which rock band was dressed to die in 1974

Hah!  None.  But Kiss were Dressed to Kill in 1975.

Thanks for reading!  The WTF Search Terms keep rolling in, so there will always be more….

 

 

 

#579: Entering the Asylum

GETTING MORE TALE #579: Entering the Asylum
(Supplement to the  Re-Review series)

Back in Record Store Tales Part 3 (!), we took a nostalgic look at my first ever Kiss albums, that all arrived in one glorious batch.  The year was 1985, but Kiss also had a new album coming out in a matter of days.  Now that I had started on a Kiss collection, I would have to get their newest album too, called Asylum.  I didn’t even know how to pronounce “asylum” correctly, nor did I know what the word meant, but I did understand that it was their third album without makeup.

Next door neighbor George, who was my introduction to Kiss, came over one day talking about the new single “Tears Are Falling” and how much I would love it.  I didn’t have much money but by the time the snow fell, my dad bought me a copy of Asylum on cassette.  We got it at the Zellers store at Stanley Park Mall in Kitchener.

My meager Kiss collection at that point consisted of Alive!, Asylum (cassette) and a bunch of LPs I recorded off George.  I didn’t know much about the discography but George was a good teacher.  George actually named one of his first bands Asylum.  Before long I could name all the albums, in order.  I even predicted that the next single would be “Uh! All Night”.  I didn’t foresee the third single “Who Wants To Be Lonely” because Kiss hadn’t done a third single in ages!

George was only missing two Kiss albums:  The Elder, and Double Platinum.  He was dying to get both and finish the collection.  His record collection was fascinating to me and a goldmine of music to tape and explore.  The album covers, particularly for Kiss and Iron Maiden, had me hooked.

As my interest in Kiss grew, a new kid at school who I later found out was a “liar liar pants on fire” claimed he had “all” the Kiss albums at home.  His name was Joe Ciaccia (pronounced “chee-chaw”).  I asked him if that meant he had The Elder.  He said yes.  I told George I knew a kid who owned it, and he just about shit his pants.  I made arrangements with Joe to meet up at his place on the next Sunday to do a trade.  All I asked for brokering this trade was recording the album.

George was really excited.  “I don’t care what he wants for it, I’m not leaving without that record.”  I distinctly remember a small group of us trudging through the snow to meet Joe at his apartment.  Who came with us?  I can’t remember.  Joe lived on Breckenridge Drive, just down the street from Brian Vollmer of Helix.  One thing that I can remember very clearly was grabbing my Sanyo ghetto blaster loaded with D-cell batteries, my Asylum tape, and rocking while walking to Joe’s.

Listening to a cassette on a ghetto blaster powered by D-cells was a warbly experience that kids today don’t understand.  Our small group lollygagging through the slush listening to “King of the Mountain” on that old Sanyo is an image I’ll always remember.  I carried it through the wet melting snow.  Those Sanyo ghetto blasters were built like tanks!  You could drop them and they’d keep on ticking.

We arrived at Joe’s apartment and buzzed.  No answer.  Buzzed again.  No answer.  I began to realize my fears.  Joe was all talk and no Elder.  We hung out down there a while but there was no sign of Joe.  George was partly crushed and mostly pissed off.  At school, Joe gradually earned a reputation for tall tales.  His were beginning to rival the lies of Ian Johnson – they even lived on the same street.

We flipped the Asylum tape over and began the walk home.  A wasted trip, and Joe dodged me at school the next day.  George kept pestering me to arrange a second hookup with Joe, thinking he still had that copy of The Elder that he wanted so badly.  I realized Joe was full of shit and told George the sad truth.  The record was not there.  Joe was telling stories, trying to seem cool to me for having all the Kiss albums.  Then he got caught in the lie, after going so far as to arrange a trade and giving me the address.  Very un-cool.

George did get a copy of The Elder a few months later, and he still taped me a copy.  It was a strange album, after being immersed in Asylum for many months.  Then, I definitely preferred Asylum.  Asylum was special to me.  It was my first “new” Kiss album since getting into the band!  I had boarded the Kiss train and I wasn’t getting off!

MOVIE REVIEW: Runaway (1984 – The KISS Re-Review Series)

The KISS RE-REVIEW SERIES Part 27:  Bonus movie review!

RUNAWAY (1984 Tristar)

Directed by Michael Crichton and featuring Gene Simmons

Being in  was never enough for Gene Simmons.  Dating Cher and Diana Ross gave him a taste of Hollywood stardom.  He saw movies as his next mountain to climb.  Gene secured an audition with novelist and sometimes director Michael Crichton.  Crichton asked Gene to communicate, without saying any words, his desire to kill him.  Whatever Gene did worked, and he scored the role without even having to read for it.

Crichton’s next film Runaway was a Tom Selleck sci-fi vehicle and Gene played the villain Dr. Charles Luther.  Turning his back on Kiss and leaving Paul Stanley to do all the heavy lifting, Simmons cut his hair and got filming.

Set in the “near future”, Runaway depicts an America in which robots are commonplace.  Every household has some, and they have failsafes built in to protect humans.  Selleck played Jack Ramsay, a veteran cop now on the “runaway squad”, a quiet department dedicated to capturing errant robots.  His latest case is a shocker.  A robot has committed the first ‘bot-human homicide in history.  What caused it to malfunction and deliberately kill its owners?  Ramsay discovers a strange chip inside designed not only to override its safety protocols, but also to order the robot to kill.  But who would do such a thing?

Who else?  The evil Dr. Charles Luther played by the God of Thunder himself.

Dr. Luther developed new templates that allow robots to identify and assassinate specific humans.  They are worth a fortune on the black market, and so Luther killed his partners and went rogue.  However his ladyfriend Jackie (Kirstie Alley) doublecrossed him and stole the chips.  When Ramsay and his cop partner Karen find Jackie, they narrowly escape Luther who was tracking her.  Not only does he have killer robots, but also a huge-ass handgun that has homing bullets that can even turn corners.  They try to set up him by having Jackie return the stolen chips, but in one of his best scenes, Gene Simmons stabs her in the back in the middle of a kiss.

Jackie didn’t turn over all the chips.  Ramsay still has some.  Being the evil genius that he is, Luther hacks the police computers and finds out where Ramsay lives.  This leads to a very typical final confrontation, in which Luther kidnaps Ramsay’s son and brings him to an under-construction skyscraper.  Of course he would.  It’s a standard movie cliche involving elevators and heights.  Conveniently, the movie establishes early that Ramsay has a fear of heights.  Of course he does!

Luther does have one neat gadget for this long and fairly boring ending.  He has robotic spiders that spit acid, programmed to kill anything that comes down from the building.  Tom Selleck eventually bests Gene Simmons as you knew he would, but Gene also gets one of the cheesiest movie after-deaths you will ever see.  You know those scenes when you think the villain is dead, but he’s not?  Gene gets to make a funny face and go “RAAAAHHHHH!” before dropping down dead for real this time.

Michael Crichton was certainly a fine science fiction writer, with titles like Jurassic Park and The Andromeda Strain to his credits.  As a movie director, he was less successful.  The Great Train Robbery (1979) starring Sean Connery and Donald Sutherland, and based on his own novel, was his best work.  Others point to Westworld (1973) as his best work as a director.   The main point is, nobody looks to Runaway for movie gold.  It’s sluggish, clunky and at times pretty goofy.  As a science fiction film, it utilized intelligent concepts and envisioned a future that was very different for the cinema in 1984.  Runaway had a story idea.  Jack Ramsay was a complicated character, with a cliche but workable back story.  It was just poorly executed.  One redeeming value is its Jerry Goldsmith score, which was his first all-electronic soundtrack.

While Runaway isn’t considered Michael Crichton’s best film, it might be Gene’s.  His next roles were less flattering.  He played a transvestite villain in Never Too Young to Die with John Stamos.  There was a cameo in the horror cult classic Trick Or Treat.  Opposite Rutger Hauer, he played a stereotypical terrorist in Wanted: Dead or Alive.  His last film before returning to Kiss full-time was an early George Clooney film called Red Surf.  Gene was a friendly weapons dealer.

Meanwhile in Kiss, Paul Stanley had clearly taken over leadership.  All the singles were his.  Since Gene had short hair, he wore a pretty silly wig on stage with Kiss.  None of this helped his image in the eyes of fans.  He did earn a good review for Runaway from Roger Ebert, but otherwise the movie was a dud.

2/5 stars

To be continued…