shania twain

#473.5: The Week of Flaming Turds – Feedback

FLAMING TURDS

The Week of Flaming Turds – Feedback

I hope you enjoyed the Week of Flaming Turds here at mikeladano.com.  When you amass a large collection of music, you end up with a number of stinkers because “hey, it’s part of the collection”.  Collecting could probably be diagnosed as an illness, related to OCD.  As a reviewer, I tend to review the music I listen to more often, which is (generally) stuff I like.  Hence, a skew towards positive reviews.  To break up the monotony I collected some writings about some stinkers this week and put ’em out as the Week of Flaming Turds.  And thank you Sarca for the title and logo.  She rocks, doesn’t she?

Now that we’re at the end of the week I have three questions, so please feel free to leave a comment.

1. Did you like this theme week?

2. Which of the five do you think stink the most?  If applicable, which album do you like most?

a) Shania Twain – “Party for Two” (Getting More Tale #473)
b) Bon Jovi – Burning Bridges
c) Queensryche – Tribe
d) W.A.S.P. – K.F.D.
e) Yngwie J. Malmsteen – Inspiration

3. Of these five, did you have a favourite writeup?  Or did you strongly disagree with me?

Lemme know in the comments below!  There are lots more turds in the collection to go.

 

 

#473: Party For Two

FLAMING TURDS

“Flaming Turds” artwork courtesy of SARCA at CAUGHT ME GAMING.  Thanks Sarca!

Welcome to the WEEK OF FLAMING TURDS!  This week we will be looking at a collection of malodorous music.  Strike a match, you’ll need it for these stinkers!  Let us begin with a story from Getting More Tale.

 

GETTING MORE TALE #473: Party For Two

I found this old diary entry. Sometimes you don’t need any commentary. So here you go!

Date: 2006/10/05
Title: GOD DAMMIT

Fuck, me. I am listening to Shania Twain.

“Party For Two” with Mark McGrath.

FUCK, ME. I am listening to Shania Twain AND Mark McGrath.

What the fuck has happened to me?

Jesus Christ. I can’t fucking believe this. I used to make fun of my buddy T-Rev who started listening to Shania Twain because his girlfriend liked them. In my case it’s not my girlfriend. She hates Shania Twain. It’s the fucking am radio at work. God damn them to hell and then may Satan skullfuck them until they bleed red scales out of the ears.

I better go put on a Testament or Anthrax CD or something. FAST.

OK fine, I’ll add some commentary.  One of the bosses at work dated Shania Twain when she was a teenager named Eilleen.  It’s true.  As far as I’m concerned, her music still stinks!

 

 

Part 106: My Favourite Aunt

NOTE:  I do not actually have a favourite aunt!  But there is one that we CALL “my favourite aunt”!  I love both my aunts equally. 

Christmas Eve.  The year is now forgotten.

I always worked Christmas Eve.  It was usually a fun day, people were usually in good spirits.  There’d be the odd disgruntled shopper who was upset that you were sold out of Shania.  Most people were pretty cool and didn’t want to act like a jerk at Christmas to a stranger.

It was getting close to the end of the day.   Everything had gone pretty well.  I was dressed up in suit and tie.  I always did, on Christmas Eve.  It was a tradition my boss had started, but I was the only one who carried on with it.  (The only thing that bugged me:  He made me wear my big, ugly store tag with my suit and tie.  This thing was huge, like the size of a post card, laminated, hanging from a string around my neck.  The idea was, how were people to know that you worked here if you weren’t wearing your tag?  Well, hell, maybe the guy wearing the suit and tie behind the counter knows?)

I was tired, but my Favourite Aunt from Calgary was coming to town!  I’ve written about her in past chapters.  I only get to see her about twice a year, but it was always nice to have her around at Christmas.  It didn’t happen every year.

The previous evening, the 23rd, had been marred by a last-minute crackhead woman trying to sell us a garbage bag full of crap CDs at closing time.  By comparison the 24th was a cakewalk.  Until 5:00.

An hour before closing, I got a phone call from a calm sounding but clearly upset woman.  I can’t remember the scenario anymore.  All I can remember is that it was a no-win situation.  We’d messed something up that couldn’t be fixed.  We probably promised to hold something for her that was clearly gone.  I can remember that it was for her son, whatever the missing item was.

I apologized, I tried to explain how something like this might have happened, but my apology was not going to be enough.

“That’s not a satisfactory answer,” she said.  “You’re going to have to make this right.”

I was tired and there was an hour until closing…and now this.  Jesus Christ!

Suddenly, a giggle…a snicker…a laugh.

The woman on the other end of the phone goes, “Michael.  Don’t you know who this is?”

I didn’t know whether to be relieved or pissed off!  It was Aunt Lynda.  My Favourite Aunt.

“You handled that very well,” she added helpfully.

“Thanks a lot!” I said.  “I nearly had a heart attack!”

“Oh you’re welcome,” she said, and giggled again.  Aww hell, it was nice she was back in town.  And it was also nice I wasn’t in shit.  If something like that had happened an hour before closing on Christmas Eve for real, that would have haunted me all Christmas, I swear to God.

So, to my Aunt Lynda, who is actually in town again this week, this one goes out to you!  It’s good to see you again!

Part 58.5: S*** My Dad Says

By popular demand: Another quote from my dad!

While watching country music on TV: 

“Is that Shania Twain?  And her brother, Choo-Choo?”