RECORD STORE TALES #1163: Not A Review of the Movie ‘Elf’

December 2004 was a low point. My mental and probably physical health too were…not good. I was managing two record stores against my wishes. I was in charge of the Beat Goes On on Highland Road, and Oakville. Oakville was supposed to be somebody else’s store, a franchise. Well, things went from bad to worse and I found myself driving to Oakville every day for many weeks in November and December, in a car that was not long for the grave.  I was going to work, coming home, drinking red wine and going to bed.  It was a cycle of endless days and weekends too.

My boss took me aside; had a meeting with me behind closed doors.

“Mike, I noticed you’re not doing well with the whole Oakville thing.”

There was no such thing as mental health time off in my world.  I wouldn’t have known you could do that.  Could you, in 2003?

My boss suggested that I use the commute time to listen to “old cassettes that you haven’t played in a while.  That could be fun for you.”

That’s when I learned that listening to Winger when you’re stuck in 401 traffic isn’t actually all that fun.

I took a break one afternoon in Oakville and walked over to some crappy store that sold everything from soda pop to small appliances.  I saw Elf on the racks, the Christmas movie starring Will Ferrell as…an elf.  I was skeptical.  I heard mixed things.  But I was in a shitty headspace and I needed a pick-me-up.  Retail therapy.  Elf and a soda pop went into my shopping bag. I may have even bought a bag of chips.

I had Sunday off, and I watched Elf in my pajamas that morning.  And I laughed.  I was immediately enthused because the beginning reminded me very much of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, what with the animation and the snowman.  I was also following Jon Favreau’s directorial career with great interest.  Peter Billingsley was in the movie.  I truthfully loved it from day one.  I still love it.

My dad on the other hand calls Will Ferrell “that annoying guy” because of this movie.

I remember wrapping Christmas presents with my mother in law Debbie while watching Elf.  I don’t really know if she liked it or not, but she liked watching it with me.  I think she liked a lot of it.  James Caan.  Mary Steenbergen.  Bob Newhart.  These are fantastic actors, and James Caan provided that “realistic” perspective that an absurd movie like this needs.  To sum:  Buddy the Elf (Ferrell) realizes he’s too tall to be an elf, and then Papa Elf (Newhart) finally tells him the truth:  his parents were human, and James Caan is his dad, and he lives in New York City.  And so off Buddy the Elf walks from the North Pole all the way to New York in order to meet his real dad.  Chaos ensues of the culture shock variety.  James Caan, as the biological father thrust into this situation, is the point of view the audience needs to make it work.  The scenes with he and Buddy are often some of the best.  Having said that, there is a badass snowball fight in Central Park, and some great singing from Zoey Deschanel, who doesn’t seem to question the weirdness of this elf guy who’s falling for her.  (Look for a cameo by Tenacious D’s Kyle Gass.)

Wonderful movie in my opinion, with clever use of perspective to make Buddy tower over his elf kin.  Hilarious performances by Peter Dinklage, Faizon Love, and Leon Redbone as the snowman.  Family friendly fun.

So, I thought, “I’ll buy this for Grandma for Christmas.  She enjoys light movies that make her smile.”  I was basing this on a years-before viewing of Ernest Saves Christmas that she enjoyed with us.  And I don’t know if she ever watched Elf.  I asked her a few days later.

“I don’t think I got it Michael,” she said.  “I fell asleep, and when I woke up, it was still the same scene playing.”

She was watching the animated DVD menu.

I didn’t buy Grandma movies for Christmas after that!