The Writer’s Room: New Year’s Grieve!

Mike strode upon the tiles of the writer’s room.  Over the summer, they had the old carpet pulled up, and laid down expensive fresh tiles.  Marble, or something.  Mike wasn’t much for details.  He acted as if the weight of the world was in his shoulders, and sometimes it was, but today he was really feeling the strain.

At the big conference table sat the usual crew.  To his left:  Aaron and Harrison, with Harrison taking notes.  To his right:  the 80s Metal Man and John T. Snow himself.  Snow had just poured himself a big glass of Gene Simmons brand sweet tea.  Sweet Pain, it was called.  Snowman grimaced a little bit as the biting sweetness hit his palette, but the concoction didn’t seem too deadly.

Mike rubbed his head.  Inhale.  OK.  Time to talk.

“Guys, I just want to thank you again for all your hard work this year.  Each of you wrote some excellent stories for Tee Bone Man.  Harrison, of course, we all know what he accomplished this year!”  There was a quick round of applause, led by Aaron with a traditional “Wahoo!”

It was the Metal Man who prompted Mike to continue.  “Yet this doesn’t sound like a ‘good news’ meeting, not at this late hour,” he said.  Indeed, the Metal Man was jet-lagged, for back home in England it was well past midnight.

“You’re right Metal Man, it’s not good news.  But you may as well get the news from the horse’s mouth.  We’re just waiting for the horse.”  It was then that the big new monitor on the wall behind him crackled to life.  As usual, it was Holen coming in with static.  You could make out a vaguely human shape and a distorted voice.

“Hey guys, it’s me, I’m the bad news,” came the voice from the screen.  Mike tried to force a chuckle as Holen spoke.

“Hey Holen,” said the table in unified concern.

“I’m sorry to let you down guys.  I’ve been down for the count…(that was a plug for Tim Durling’s new book by the way)…I have had an unusual streak of bad luck.  I haven’t been able to finish my part of the Tee Bone Man’s New Year Eve Special story.  I apologize.”

“Aww that’s OK,” answered the Snowman between sips of sweet tea.  “I bet your story would have been awesome.”

“Mike would have loved my story,” answered Holen between crackles of noise.  “You guys wanna know what band I picked?”

The table reacted in excitement!  The gimmick this year was Mike’s idea.  In the world of Tee Bone Man, Tee and Superdekes were going to host a massive New Year’s Eve concert.  The catch?  Spinning off last year’s Christmas tale, the denizens of Rock and Roll Heaven would be resurrected in spectral form, to put on the ultimate live concert!  The deadline for the writers to get their bands and setlists in was, of course, December 31 2023.  The story would go live at midnight.

Each writer in the room was responsible for penning their own section of the concert.  Mike, Harrison, Aaron, Snowman and Metal Man had long submitted their deceased rock star supergroups.  Holen had been mysteriously quiet as they waited to finish the story.  Now, we know why.  A string of crappy luck!

“OK, ready for this?  Mike you’ll love my lead singer.  I have Little Richard!” exclaimed Holen.

“WaaHOOOOOOOOO!” responded Aaron at that pick.  The table laughed in unison.

“But wait, I have two singers.  Second, we have Lou Reed, also playing lead guitar!”

Mike made an enthusiastic guitar squealing noise and face.  “Metal Machine Music!!” declared Mike.

“More lead guitars,” announced Holen, “Courtesy of Robert Quine!”

There was silence.

“Come on guys, Robert Quine?  Worked with Lou Reed, John Zorn, Marianne Faithful, Richard Hell, Matthew Sweet!”

“Oh, cool!!” enthused Aaron with genuine excitement.

“And finally,” said Holen, “I couldn’t split up the rhythm section from The Who, so I picked both John Entwistle and Keith Moon!”

A few jaws dropped around the table.  A few claps were heard.

“That would have been a damn cool concert,” said the Snowman as he gulped down his last swallow of Simmons brand sweet tea.  From the corner of the room, a door opened and a uniformed Gene Simmons rep emerged to hand John a cheque for his endorsement.  The Simmons rep exited as quietly as she came, and John silently pocketed the money.

Harrison then spoke.  “Gentlemen, as sad as I am that Holen could not contribute this year, I can assure you the story is quite good as it is.  The art is complete and Mike tells me he likes it very much.”  Mike made a clapping motion for the hard-working Australian.

“I can also reveal this much about the final story,” continued Mike.  “80s Metal Man wrote a section so epic that I just had to choose his band to close the concert.  In fact he wrote a concert so epic, that he had to cut it down from six pages!”  There was a collective gasp.  “And, the good news here today is that Metal Man will be posting the full unedited supergroup on his own website too!”

“Great work, Metal Man!” shouted the Snowman.

Aaron raised his hand.  “Can I ask a question?  What happened to Holen anyway?”

Holen coughed (or perhaps it was static).  “I can’t divulge any details,” he answered vaguely.  “All I can say is they can’t get rid of me that easily!”

The table laughed in awkward tension, unsure how serious Holen was!

Mike spoke again.  “I for one am just glad to have Holen here with us for this teleconference; this is the last one of 2023.  And may I say it?  It was the best year for Tee Bone Man stories yet.  And 2024 is gonna rock.”

Everyone clapped.  Everyone, even the stoic Harrison, had smiles on their faces.  Mike grinned to himself.  The whole Tee Bone Man Multiverse was complicated, but they’d be straightening everything out in January.  It was Mike and Harrison who decided to go full multiverse this time.  It opened up whole new avenues.  Harrison decided that Multiversal portals would be orange, to reflect the glow of Tee Bone’s favourite Scotch. Orange portals!  And it worked so well in their stories!  As soon as you saw an orange glow, that was a clue that multiversal shenanigans were afoot.

It was at that exact moment that Mike noticed an orange glow in the furthest corner of the room.

There was a scream.

“Guys!!!  Help me!!”  It was the Snowman!  From behind him opened a sparkling, circular orange portal.  A pair of hands grasped him, and pulled him through.

“Gu…”

John T. Snow’s voice was cut suddenly, as the orange portal closed shut before their eyes.

Everyone in the room looked at Mike in complete confusion.

“What the…!” he shouted with hands on his head.

To be continued in the Adventures of Tee Bone Man….

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE ONE – THE SQUIRREL SAGA 

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE TWO – THE MULTIVERSE SAGA

 

 

THE COMPLETE ADVENTURES OF EDIE VAN HEELIN’

THE WRITER’S ROOM

 

 

7 comments

  1. I very much appreciate you writing this story since I wasn’t able to fulfill my duties as a writer for the NYE special due to unforeseen horrendous circumstances. Although Noirson chapter II is in the bank! I replied to your email yesterday if you check. It explains the full extent of my misfortune. Ladano rules!

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