Author: mikeladano
REVIEW: King’s X – Gretchen Goes to Nebraska (1989)
Complete studio albums, part 2
KING’S X – Gretchen Goes to Nebraska (1989 Atlantic)
Only a year — one measly year! — after debuting with one of the most dearly beloved first albums in memory, King’s X summoned the muse for a second time. Β They went back into the studio with Sam Taylor to repeat the magic. Β Repeat it they did, with their original blend of influences and talents, but without backing off one inch in compromise. They did make a couple corny but cool music videos, although the rarity of their airplay must have frustrated everyone involved.
“Over My Head” surely made the band look and sound cool. Their souls-meets-metal-meets whatever they want vibe is concisely summed up in under five minutes. “Grandma used to sing, grandma used to sing, every night when she was prayin'” says Doug, opening up old wounds that he would still be singing about for years. But it’s not dark; instead, the music is as uplifting as a church choir. But only if the church band featured Jimi Hendrix and the Isley Brothers.
Production is improved on Gretchen, and diversity has expanded once again. “Out of the Silent Planet” (the title track for the last album!) opens with sitar, but before too long a very Rush-like riff is enveloped by the lush psychedelic harmony vocals that Doug, Ty and Jerry create so naturally. Clearly the band did not take summer holidays that year because the growth is audible. Layers of guitars, sitars and unknown sounds create a swirl of purple haze. And listen to Doug’s chiming bass on the outro. What’s that you hear? Yeah, it sounds like the bass outro to “Jeremy” to me, too. Jeff Ament of Pearl Jam once said that “King’s X invented grunge”. I don’t think that’s true although it probably indicates that some smart guys in Seattle had good taste in music. I think Doug Pinnick invented the way that he and Ament play bass. If you hear Pearl Jam occasionally in King’s X, I think that’s the part that was tapped by Jeff Ament via Doug Pinnick.
Gretchen may be challenging like Silent Planet was, but King’s X try to make it easy for you to climb aboard the train. The light melodic picking in “Summerland” sound enticing so just come on in. Doug’s soulful wailing brings the clouds but Ty’s harmonies blow ’em back away. “Summerland” is a rock triumph, possessing drama with melody and integrity in a flawless mix. Back to church again on “Everybody Knows a Little Bit of Something” — but only briefly as we are now on funky ground. Accelerated for action, “Everybody Knows a Little Bit of Something” is a pulse-pounder not to be missed. King’s X can do no wrong, especially when combining disparate elements in new ways. Another side of King’s X is the acoustic one often visited by Ty Tabor, and that’s “The Difference”. The setting feels like a chilly fall day but King’s X paint pictures that allow you to see your own images. That’s the beauty of the music.
“I’ll Never be the Same” is more familiar King’s X territory. Never keeping it simple, never making it inaccessible must have been the motto. Their pool of influences seems to come out slightly different each time. Church organ (by Sam Taylor) makes its debut on “Mission”, an appropriate place for it, but that’s a bluff. “Mission” is actually a metallic assault on televangelists. “What is the mission of the preacher man?” asks Doug in an impassioned wail. “Some are true, Some do lie,” he warns. “Fall on Me” will then take your head off with some of the rockingest King’s X on the album. If a record label was looking for an accessible single, here it is. I guess this band really was just too smart for radio, like with the cosmic “Pleiades”.
Far off in the field I see a castle,
Today the people gather at the pole,
He tried to tell us all the world was spherical,
They burned his body but not his soul.
Keep in mind this is a band that is often lumped in with Christian rock! Β But what about the riff? Β Imagine the love child of Ritchie Blackmore and Jimmy Page. Β They had a baby and named it “Pleiades”.
Pinnick brings the soul back on “Don’t Believe It (Easier Said than Done)”. Β “This is not the end of the road,” he sings and he’s right — even though it is track 10, it’s not the end. Β King’s X beefed up Gretchen with 12 tracks, a rare bountyΒ in 1989. Β But this was not a normal band. Β These was an inspired trio with thoughts and feelings to get off their collective chests. Β “Send a Message” keeps the pace upbeat but not straight; there have to be some twists and turns. Β Ty then takes the final track with “The Burning Down” and a mellow ballad. Β Floyd meets Rush meets King’s X, and it’s over.
The first two King’s X albums boasted rich and impressive album art. Β Gretchen is the best of the pair. Β Now that’s an album cover; the LP at least anyway. Β On CD it’s much harder to appreciate. Β No matter since it’s the music that counts. Β It’s rare for a band to grow from an incredible album like Silent Planet to something even bigger like Gretchen. Β That’s exactly what King’s X did, even though they did it in obscurity.
5/5 stars
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REVIEW: King’s X – Out of the Silent Planet (1988)
SERIES DEBUT
Join us for a serious look at every King’s X studio album!…and more.
KING’X – Out of the Silent Planet (1988 Atlantic)
The Texas Trio, the soul-bringers of progressive rock…call ’em what you want (I just did, I made those two titles up), King’s X are too important for you to ignore any longer. Β If you have been aboard the King’s X train already, then you know what I am about to tell you. Β If not, then realize that this band has been tragically ignored for aeons. Β Since 1983 in fact, as Sneak Preview, a glammy rock band who released one record before changing direction and name to King’s X. Β Even though Sneak Preview were certainly not hinting that there was more beneath the surface than just some good sounding rock and roll, it was obvious that they had the ability to write and to play. Β They madeΒ a few music videos, and “Linda” depicts them delivering hooks more typical of Bon Jovi or Van Hagar.
Supposedly, the band were not happy with the way the Sneak Preview album turned out. Of 1000 copies made, half were reportedly destroyed on purpose. Today copies sell for over $200.
Newly christened as King’s X, the band and producer/manager Sam Taylor went into the studio for Megaforce, a division of Atlantic, the label that launched Led Zeppelin. They emerged with one of the most startling and important debut albums of the 1980’s, Out of the Silent Planet. Β Starkly original and different, King’s X took the critics by storm. Β If only the record buying masses followed their lead.
According to esteemed scholar and Sausagefester Scottie Geffros, “From Out of the Silent Planet right up to Tape Head (1998), there is so much good stuff that the world in general should be embarrassed that ‘music fans’ never caught on to the greatness that is King’s X.” Adds fellow ‘Fester Johnny Cheddar, “I remember the first time listening to Out of the Silent Planet with Dr. Dave…we had been on a music buying mission, and he found an elusive vinyl copy; going cheap if I recall. It was a hard album to come by in those days. I was amazed to hear such a heavy riffy metal sound, but without the sinister vibe that goes with it.”
Starting with a dramatic space rock intro, “In the New Age” soon introduces the core King’s X sound: Β The soul, the dual vocal talents of Doug Pinnick and Ty Tabor, and their unique cross of influences. Β Ty and Doug have voices on opposite sides of the rock spectrum. Β Ty sings high and clean with a hint of Lennon, and Doug goes deep to the howling limits of his soul. Β Their trio format, with Jerry Gaskill (another talented singer in his own right) on the drums still allowed them to create expansive rock. Β They were not writing anything simple or pandering anymore; “In the New Age” boasts daring changes and a progressive bent that major labels weren’t usually hawking.
The central song might be the ballad “Goldilox”. Β On this track, the band have married a knack for a good pop song without compromising their integrity. Β “Golidlox” is a spring-like, brightΒ song of hope. Β Doug Pinnick has a voice to be envied by anyone, with power and the ability to evoke the classic soul singers of an era gone by. Β The other two back him to form a lush curtain of slightly psychedelic harmonies.
“Power of Love” has a pop rock chorus, but punched up by the hard hitting band. Β Vocally, this is a soul anthem. Β Musically, it’s anthemic rock and roll, good for head-banging or banana-dancing. Β It’s up to you — and that’s the “Power of Love”! Β Although hard rock songs not unlike this were getting played on the radio, King’s X were probably too smart for radio. Β “Power of Love” melds seamlessly into “Wonder”, a song about divisions between us. Β “There’s a wall between us, a partition of sorts.” Β Yup, too smart for radio. Β Chunky like good peanut butter, and still fresh today, “Wonder” is indeed still a wonder. Β “This is church, this is state, rock and roll, Amazing Grace.” Β Then, “Should I go to the front, should I go to the back? Β Should I just pray or should I attack?” Β Considering it’s Doug singing (Doug is black), I wonder if some folks of limited intelligence might have found those lyrics just a little scary? Β This is some powerful shit.
Doug sounds wracked with pain on “Sometimes”, again tormented by the world he sees around him. Β As King’s X progressed, so too would Doug’s subject matter and way of approaching it. Β In 1988 he was deeply religious. “I stand here waiting for new Jerusalem,Β I know it’s greater than the world outside.” Β The pain subsides on “King”, which is an incredible high water mark of songwriting…and it’s on a debut album. Β Consider that for just a moment. Β Again Doug is using Biblical imagery in his words, but King’s X did not seem to preach. Β Even if some were starting to suspect that the titular “King” was Jesus Christ himself, hey look an awesome guitar solo!
The rumblin’ bassΒ ofΒ PinnickΒ shakes your teeth on “What is This?” Β Heavy and melancholy until the chorus kicks in, “What is This?” nails it again. Β “Far, Far Away” ceases the slamming temporarily, for some 60’s textures and dreamy Van Halen-esque chops. Β “Shot of Love” has a slight but noticeable jangle to its marching riffage. Β Out of the Silent Planet boasted numerous styles of rock on one album but also usually within a single song too. Β “Shot of Love” recalls gospel, marches, Queen, Judas Priest and Supertramp. Β Finally, “Visions” is heavyΒ on riffage, combined with heavenly choirs of vocals. Β Sabbathy riff changes, Motorhead tempos, Eddie Van-shred, and Beach BoysΒ harmonies. Β Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
1988 came and went, with King’s X winding up on many critics’ top 10 lists. Β As luck or perhaps just taste would have it, that did not translate into sales. Β But in 1988 that didn’t mean the end. Β That just meant you go back into the studio and make another album. Β A better album.
5/5 stars
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Star Wars: The Force Awakens – New TV spot
“I have lived long enough to see the same eyes in different people…I see your eyes…I know your eyes…”
Even more new footage and dialogue! Does this confirm that Rey is a Skywalker? The teasing for this thing has been brilliant.
The Force Awakens comes out December 18.
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Star Wars: The Force Awakens – Japanese trailer
“I know all about waiting…for my family.”
First of all, JJ lied! Β He said there were no more trailers coming. Β Well, here is a new oneΒ from Japan, with tons of new footage and plenty of Rey dialogue we haven’t heard before. Β Who are her parents? Β Find out December 18.
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WTF Search Terms: Urinal Trough edition
WTF Search Terms XXVIII: Β Urinal TroughΒ edition
They’re back!…those whacky search terms that prove without a doubt that the internet is one fucked up place. Β Here are 10 of the funniest search terms that showed up in my stats over the last three months. Β Yes, that means someone punched these into a search engine and somehow ended up here!
For more posts of this variety, scoot on over to Zack at The Audible Stew’s “Are You Lost?” series!
1. urinal trough wangs out
Here you go, bud. Not quite what you were searching for, but possibly better.
2. jugs of piss from hot men
I don’t deal in piss containers. For that you need to speak to Uncle Meat.
3. reasons why men like to take a dump in public toilets
We don’t. Where the fuck did you get that idea? This is a myth!
4. silent knight porn
Googling yourself again, are ya?
5. thank santas tits
You said itΒ Ricky!
6. girl gets interestet with wanker on train porno
A true puzzler. Anybody know this film? Sounds like Wes Anderson.
7. huge titedwomen wearing glasses fucking at work.
Please hang up, and try your call again. This is a recording.
8. swedish made penis
You must be looking for Joey Tempest.
9. what is it when someone steals your soul
This, precisely this.
10. okay do you can you tell me how much an aerosmith box of fire album is
Okay sure I can tell you how much an Aerosmith Box of Fire is. (About $65 Canadian, an excellent value at just $5 per disc!)
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#433.999: The Aftermath (of the Top 15 on the 15th)
GETTING MORE TALEΒ #433.999: The Aftermath (of the Top 15 on the 15th)
That “1537” guy can get to be a bit much sometimes. Β “Oh you have to listen to this!” or, “Be sure to read that!” Β He’s so demanding of our collective time and attention. Β The fact that he writes good shit (jatstorey.com) about music with great visuals to boot, well, that’s justΒ window dressing isn’t it?
Back in September, over 20 writers put down our Top 15 of “all time” listsΒ for posterity. Β These lists wereΒ mostly albums with a few anomolies…like Mr. 1537’s. Β No, he wouldn’t be content to sit with the sheep and do a plain ordinary list. Β No, he had to stand out from the crowd (as usual) and do something a little different.
Mr. 1537 (just ’37 to his friends) didΒ the Top 15 music books of all time for his list. Β It was a quite excellent listΒ featuring the likes of the Stones, the Beatles, the Crue,Β Hawkind, Chuck Klosterman, and more. Β The one that jumped out at me was Mick Wall’s Sympton of the Universe. Β Historically speaking, Black Sabbath are a fascinating band. Β How many dozen members have Sabbath had over the decades? Β The count varies, depending on criteria, but regardless it’s an extremely interesting history. Β For a while it was impossible to find anything decent in print. Β Mr. 1537 assures us, Mick Wall did right by Sabbath:
“This is a wonderful rollicking tale of the underdog having its day, being neutered by excessive drug use and some appalling choices, triumphing again and then falling prey to being used as pawnsΒ in a father/daughter struggle of mythic proportions.”
That right there is a perfect tagline for a rock book, isn’t it?
As mentioned, Mr. 1537 can get to be a bit much sometimes, always trying to convince us to spend more of our money on music (specifically vinyl). Β Like we need encouragement? Β Music fans have wishlists as long as the day. Β We don’t need more added to them, do we?
In steps Mr. 1537 again. Β Look what just arrived in the bloody mail.
It’s Symptom of the Universe, by Mick Wall! Β My very own brand new copy! Β Now, I suppose he’ll expect me to read it. Β See what I mean? Β Just a bit too much sometimes!
All joking aside, I can’t wait to get my face into this book. Β There is still a lot of Sabbath history that is foggy, and I’m eager to see what research Mick Wall has to clarify the mudification! Β The 1980s in particular are a puzzling period, featuring band members from the Clash, Deep Purple (x2), Lita Ford, and just about everybody else. Β Wall covers all of this.
Thank you, 1537. Β I suppose I should send that parcel of Lego I’ve been sitting on for like 6 months?
Uncle Meat β Top 15 on the 15th
Iron Tom Sharpe β Top 15 on the 15th
James at the KMA β Top 15 on the 15th
Aaron at the KMA β Top 15 on the 15th
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REVIEW: QueensrΓΏche – Condition HΓΌman (2015 Japanese edition)
NEW RELEASE
QUEENSRΕΈCHE – Condition HΓΌman (2015 Century Media Japanese edition)
As if it was not abundantly clear on their last album (2013’s self-titled), Queensryche seem to have no intentions of abandoning their heavy metal roots again. Β Furthermore when you have a significant lineup change, such as a new lead singer, you can’t just stand still. Β You have to keep progressing forward. Β The ‘Ryche used their last album to re-ground their sound, but for a followup you need more than that. Β Condition HΓΌman pushes the boundaries out once more, but not without keeping the metal intact.
Indeed, “Arrow of Time” sounds as if the quintet had been ingesting nothing but classic Iron Maiden for breakfast. Β Swift and viscous, “Arrow of Time” gets the job done in the requisite four minutes but not without exploring the exotic side of metal riffing. Β Imagine an alternate reality where Queensryche did not go in the highly technological direction of 1986’s Rage for Order album. Β Envision instead a timeline in which they followed The Warning (1984) with an album that continued to progress, but also go heavier at the same time. Β That album would have beenΒ Condition HΓΌman. Β “Hellfire” demonstrates this as well; the song would have fit on a heavier version of Rage.
“Guardian” demonstrates this even more clearly. Β With the vintage-style screams and vocalizations (Todd La Torre for MVP), metal riffing, but also Mindcrime-like progressive rock, Queensryche have hit upon a satisfying balance. Β Songwriting credits are various combinations of all five band members; all but “Eye 9”, written solely by bassist Eddie Jackson (a first, I think). Β The album has a cohesive sound, like five guys all pulling in the same direction. Β The production, by Zeuss, is punchy. Β Queensryche have always employed elements such as sound effects and programming, andΒ Condition HΓΌman has these fixtures as well. Β
Moving on, “Toxic Remedy” is Mindcrime-like, but denser and massive sounding. Β Pay attention to the way Todd La Torre layers his vocals on “Toxic Remedy”. Β He has arranged the vocals in his own way; this is not a carbon copyΒ of something else. Β “Selfish Lives” is the same. Β Yes, there are hooks and melodies that sound very Queensryche, but Todd is showing off his own personality more than before. Β And he’s not taking the easy way out on any of it! Β Sounds like he is really pushing his own limits, especially on “Selfish Lives”. Β It’s quite remarkable how lucky Queensryche were to find a compatible guy like Todd, who is also able to stretch it out.
Another album highlight is the rhythmic “Eye 9”, the aforementioned Jackson composition. Β This Queensryche-meets-Queens of the Stone Age track blows the doors wide open in terms of direction by putting the rhythm first. Β It sounds like Queensryche, yet nothing like any prior Queensryche, simultaneously. Β “Bulletproof” puts a new slant on the Queensryche power ballad, keeping the emphasis on the power. Β La Torre makes it his own — listen to the last note he sings. Β Sends chills up the spine. Β Speaking of chills, crossing the acoustics with the heavy chunky riffing on “The Hourglass” did exactly that. Β There are Pink Floyd influences coming up to breathe from time to time onΒ Condition HΓΌman. This is most obvious on “Just Us”, which is also very much like the slightly psychedelic acoustic side of Led Zeppelin. Queensryche have never done anything like “Just Us” before. Β “Silent Lucidity” this is not. Β The soulful singing at the close of the song is also unlike anything on a prior Queensryche song.
For fans of the technical, fast side of Queensryche, “All There Was” will scratch that itch. Β With that pulsing technological rhythm and “Needle Lies” tempo, you are in for a ride. Β Don’t forget the blazing guitar histrionics. Β The final album track is “Condition HΓΌman” itself, 7:48 of dramatic progressive metallic rock. Β Check out the “Astronomy Domine” section after the fifth minute, just before it goes into that deliberate Mindcrime riff. Β If I had to pigeonhole the sound of this album, it would be “progressive metallic rock”, but pigeonholes are lazy. Β Still, as Commander Pavel Chekov once said, “If shoe fits…”
Holding out for the Japanese edition of the album, the bonus track “Espiritu Muerto” is the bonus track worth waiting for. Β Going sludgy forΒ 3:40, but topped with a soaring chorus, the bonus track is in the mold of the album but different just the same. Β It’s a long album though, and adding more material (even if good) can sometimes push a CD just a bit too far in terms of attention span. Β “Espiritu Muerto” is close to this line, but because it has enough personality of its own, it’s worth staying around for.
If any of these songs sound intriguing to you, check outΒ Condition HΓΌman. Β Fans who wonder where Queensryche could have gone had they adhered to heavier roads will find much to enjoy. Β They have never taken the easy way with any of their albums, but it is hard to imagine a fan of early ‘Ryche who won’t find something here to love.
4/5 stars
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REVIEW: Alice Cooper Goes to Hell (1976)
Happy Halloween, folks! Β And what better way to celebrate this day than with the king of horror rock, Alice Cooper?
ALICE COOPER – Alice Cooper Goes to Hell (1976 Warner)
Last time, he welcomed you to his nightmare. Β Now, journey with Alice as he takes you straight to hell! Β Subtitled (in the inner booklet) asΒ “A Bedtime Story”, Alice Cooper Goes to Hell is another concept album, to follow a concept album. Β Steven is back. Β It’s a pretty mad concept, and one that ties into not only Nightmare, but also Nightmare 2, decades later. Β Steven will fall asleep, and follow Alice down a dark endless staircase, “the pit where he doesn’t want to go, but has to.”
Written and produced by Alice, Bob Ezrin, and Dick Wagner, Goes to Hell features a backing band with a name you might recognize: The Hollywood Vampires. Β It’s not the same band, obviously (Johnny Depp was 12 years old), but it does demonstrate just how long Alice has been using that name for a band. Β Among the many musicians herein, you will recognize many: Β Steven Hunter, Dick Wagner, Tony Levin, and Allan Schwartzberg are probably in your record collection many times (credited or otherwise).
Goes to Hell doesn’t have the fire, or the reputation, of Welcome to My Nightmare. Β It is the beginning of a long slide that did not fully right itself until after Alice had kicked the booze for good. Β It is, however, an under-appreciated album with fun and nuance in the dark shadows. Β The title track is one songΒ that still graces the live stage. Β Here, Alice seems to be paying for his crimes committed. Β “For criminal acts and violence on the stage, For being a brat refusing to act your age, For all of the decent citizens you’ve enraged, You can go to hell!” Β You’ll never have so much fun on the road to H-E-double-hockeysticks, this side of an AC/DC album. Β Quintessential Alice, this is, and indispensable too. Β Anyone who has ever liked the biting humour and celebrated riffs of Alice Cooper will love “Go to Hell”. Β Bob Ezrin adds the usual accompaniment to the mix: Β horns, keys, and gang vocals condemning Alice to hell!
A full three years before Kiss, Alice Cooper went disco. Β If you like disco rock metal music, then “You Gotta Dance” to this one. Β This is a track that some Alice fans would probably love to bury, but it has its moments. Β Steve Hunter plays a wicked funky guitar solo. Β There is always instrumental integrity. Β “I’m the Coolest” slows the pace to a jazzy drawl. Β At this point I imagine the character of Alice is meeting various people down in hell, perhaps the man in charge himself. Β “Didn’t We Meet” suggests this. Β “To look at you, deja vu, chills me to the core.” Β Then, “They say you’re the king of this whole damn thing.” Β These three tunes are all quite a departure from hard rock, but Alice has always been so diverse. Β The hit ballad “I Never Cry” (#5 in Canada) is very pretty, unusually so for Alice. Β It is, according him, an “alcoholic confession”, and not the onlyΒ momentΒ on the album that touches on his drinking.
The first side of the album has some great tracks, but only the first (“Go to Hell”) really rocks. Β Side two is similarly diverse and dark. Β “Give the Kid a Break” is a campy musical number, with AliceΒ pleading his case before the judge. Β “I don’t know why I’m down here, I don’t deserve to roast or bake.” Β Predictably, things don’t go well, since the next song is called “Guilty”! Β “Guilty” is the hardest rocker on the album, and one of the only songs to be played live occasionally through the decades. Β Not that all the other songs on the album suck; Alice just sounds right when he’s rocking like he always has. Β And the lyrics rule:
Just tried to have fun, raised hell and then some,
I’m a dirt-talkin’, beer drinkin’, woman chasin’ minister’s son,
Slap on the make-up and blast out the music,
Wake up the neighbors with a roar,
Like a teenage heavy metal elephant gun.
If you call that guilty, then that’s what I am.
I’m guilty, I’m guilty!
This is right up the alley of a tune like “Escape” from the last album. Β It’s a shot in the arm and just when you need it.
With “Wake Me Gently”, we are back in ballad land, and it is unfortunately the longest song on the album. Β It sounds like an Ezrin creation, but in comparison to his other works, it is among his lesser creations. Β The string section is the highlight. Β Then he turns up the funk again for “Wish You Were Here”, with the help of Wagner on funky gee-tar. Β “Havin’ a hell of a time my dear, wish you were here.” Β Sounds like Alice has more than enough of hell by now. Β Steve Hunter plays the blazing Lizzy leads at the end of the song.
In a surprising-but-not turn, Alice pulls “I’m Always Chasing Rainbows” out of the hat, an old Vaudeville song (1917) once performed by Judy Garland in 1941. Β It actually works within the concept of the album, and predictably, Alice perfectly camps it up. Β It blendsΒ splendidly into “Going Home”, with Steven finally escaping his nightmare. Β Was it a nightmare? Β “I wonder what happened to Alice,” he ponders. Β This is pompous, overdone Ezrin, just the way you like it. Β Orchestration and thunderous percussion lend themselves well to this dramatic close.
It’s pretty clear that the reason Alice Cooper Goes to Hell is not as fondly remembered as Welcome to My Nightmare is the sudden change in direction to balladeer. Β There are only three rocking songs on an album of eleven tracks, and Alice was always primarily a rock artist, albeit an experimental one. Β You still found his records in the “rock” section of your friendly neighbourhood record store. Β Three rockers aside, the rest is a diverse assortment of music, well put together and played. Β Clearly, that has to be the key. Β But there is more to it than that. Β Nightmare seemed a more celebratory affair. Β It felt lively; it felt alive. Β Goes to Hell sounds less so. Β Alice’s lungs seemed weakened, just a smidge, from how they used to bellow.
Alice Cooper Goes to Hell is worthy of praise, not derision. Β Just remember — it’s not a rock album. Β At best it’s rock opera. Β Proposed analogy: Β Goes to Hell is Alice’s Music From the Elder. Β They even have the same producer!
3.5/5 stars
Happy Halloween kiddies!
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#448: Phat Curtis
GETTING MORE TALEΒ #448: Phat Curtis
I started highschool in 1986, and the best days of the week were Thursdays. Β They called it “Game Day”. Β Thursdays were shortened, and we all got to go home at 2:45 instead of 4:45.Β Not only did that mean I would be able to catch the start of the Pepsi Power Hour, but it also meant extra time to goof around!
My best friend Bob and I were walking home from school one Thursday afternoon.Β A few days earlier he found something that we dubbed βthe Killerangβ.Β It was actually just a piece of red plastic from a grocery storeβs pop bottle plastic crate.Β It was kind of shaped like an elongated “E”. Β An inner slat from one of those cases had come out and found its way onto the road by which we were walking. Β Bob threw it away assuming it was junk, but when he did, that sucker took off and flew, better than a boomerang! Β We saw it land far away in a vacantΒ lot. Β We both stared at each other at the unexpected aerodynamics of this plastic fork.Β We ran after it knowing weβd found a cool toy to play with! Β The Killerang.
Then one Thursday, Bob brought the Killerang to school so we could mess with it on the way home. Β Killerang in hand, Bob and I stopped at a park by a local public school that was still in class.Β We were going to use their schoolyard to see how far we could get this thing to fly.Β Off in the distance was a class of kids watching a football game.Β Way, way off in the distance.Β It is on that field that two fates collided.
Bob wound up and threw the boomerang.Β He didnβt throw it hard but again it caught air and took off.Β We ran to collect it, and it was my turn.
βDonβt throw it too hard,β Bob advised.Β βIt really flies.β
βOK,β I said as I wound up.
I threw the boomerang a little too hard.Β I watched as it flewβ¦and flewβ¦and flewβ¦on its way to the distant football game.
βOh no,β I muttered as the boomerang continued its flight.Β By its trajectory, it was going to hit one of the kids in the crowd.
There was one kid on that field that could not be missed even from that distance.Β He was huge.Β He was a giant.Β I watched as my boomerang felled that giant, striking him directly in the back of the neck.Β His arms went wide and he collapsed to the ground.
βHoly shit,β said Bob as I cried βOh no!β
βYou have to go apologize,β said Bob, stating the obvious.Β Iβd never apologized to a giant before.
Sheepishly, and possibly with a huge and sudden dump in my pants, I went over to the football field to apologize to the giant.
Fortunately the giant, whom I learned one addresses as βPhat Curtisβ, was the forgiving type.Β He did not kill me (this much is obvious).Β He did not stomp me, nor did he piledrive me into the ground.Β You donβt get a name like βPhat Curtisβ for being small, but thankfully he wasnβt a vengeful giant.Β (His real name was Curtis Bernard.)
A year later, Phat Curtis started highschool, and it was there that I learned he was a drummer.Β Β In fact he had a reputation as the most talented drummer in school.Β Later on he added five and six string bass to his musical repertoire.Β Β He went on to play with my sister in various ensembles, and became a customer at the Record Store too.Β He was always looking for live albums with good bass.Β Didnβt buy much stuff, but he sure kept me busy every time he came in.
Maybe that was his revenge? Β To haunt the Record Store of the guy who boomeranged him in the back of the neck?Β To make that Record Store guy run around the store looking for live albums with good bass, but not make a sale?Β Could that be it?Β If so, I cannot say that Phat Curtis put me in as much pain as I put him in.Β However at least I can boast that single-handedly took down a giant!
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