Record Store Tales

#1032: 1984

RECORD STORE TALES #1032: 1984

The day before my entire world changed forever was December 25, 1984.  The day before I discovered Iron Maiden for the first time.  December 26 1984 would alter the trajectory of my life forever, but just as memorable was the day before.  The infamous Christmas Day when I received the GI Joe Killer W.H.A.L.E. hovercraft from my parents.

My parents kept up the “Santa” charade for a few years longer because my sister was still young.  Our Christmas tradition was that after we went to bed, mom and dad would get our “fun” gifts (the toys and games) out of the attic and leave them around the tree from “Santa”.  They were unwrapped and ready for us when we woke up in the mornings.  Truly, the happiest mornings of my life were waking up (always early) and turning on the lights to see what treasures awaited us.  Atari games, GI Joes, Transformers, and more.  Christmas of ’84 was the year I knew I was getting the GI Joe hovercraft from “Santa”.

I could not sleep, a problem I still suffer from today.  On that Christmas Eve, I decided it wasn’t worth trying to fall asleep.  So I laid there in bed, waiting for the parents to go to sleep and turn off the lights.  Eventually they did.  I’m not sure how long I waited after that.  Ten minutes?  Fifteen?  An hour?  At some point in the wee hours of the morning I got out of bed, went downstairs, and turned on the lights.

There it was – the Killer W.H.A.L.E., the big item up for sale that year and the star of two issues of the Marvel comic.  It came with a pilot figure named Cutter, an essential member of the Joe nautical forces.  I ripped open the box and began assembling. What a beast of a vehicle it was! It had two elevating side cannons, two missile boxes with four missiles in each, two manned machine gun turrets, a rack of depth charges, an escape motorcycle, and a launchable water sled for covert operations.  On the pilot’s upper deck there was room for two Joes including Cutter.  Below the opening top hatch was room for several more passengers.  Fully loaded with the two gunners, you could carry 10-12 Joes into battle.  At the back, triggered by a hidden button, you could spin the massive fans.  In the front, a ramp opened up so your Joes could take the beach and save the day.  It was a complex build with lots of parts and stickers and windows.

There arose such a clatter that my dad came downstairs to see what the hell was up.  He was shocked to see me there with my hovercraft at about 1:00 in the morning.

“Santa came,” I said stupidly with no better excuse.

He left me to assemble my new hovercraft and I tried to keep it as quiet as possible.

What a Christmas.  Could that have been peak Christmas for me?  The next year I got a dual tape deck, but I didn’t wake up at 1 AM to open it.  Considering the extreme early morning, the epic gift, and the transformative Boxing Day, that could indeed have been peak Christmas.  Music would slowly begin to dominate, changing things forever, but leaving memories just as sweet.

#1031: Dream Girls

RECORD STORE TALES #1031: Dream Girls

I was notorious.  Every few months, I would say that some girl who walked into the store was my “dream girl”.

When I was first hired, I was breaking up with a girl.  My new boss was good consolation.  He had loved, lost and loved again.  Loved some more and seemed none the worse for wear.  When I walked into the store one day saying I’d just been dumped, he had a great response.

“You’re going to meet a lot of girls here,” he reassured me.  It was like a promise; like a perk of the job.

Unfortunately it didn’t work out that way for me.

I don’t know what his secret was.  Never once did I meet a girl through the Record Store.

The first customer that I declared my “dream girl” showed up in early ’96 at the brand new store that I was managing.  She was looking for the new Jewel (Pieces of You), and unlike a lot of other customers that came in looking for music, she actually bought it.  She was blonde and I remember I liked her shoes.  They were just regular white sneakers but she looked good in them.  I never found out her name.  I lost interest when she came in with some dude.  She did shop with us loyally for a couple years though.  Through the whole time, I never managed to say anything beyond the following:

  • Can I help you find anything today?
  • That’ll come to $–.–, would you like a bag for that?
  • And $–.– is your change, have a great day.

Absolutely pathetic but I never claimed to being good at talking to girls.

There were several that I proclaimed as my new “dream girl” until I knew it was stupid to make such proclamations.  Sometimes it was based on taste, other times the attraction was purely physical.  There was a Star Trek geek girl, but I never managed to figure out what to say.  I was never interested in the ones shopping exclusively in the rap/dance section.  I knew that was a non-starter.  There was this one who I liked that had two nose rings.  I thought, hey, that’s unique.  Two nose rings.  She was quiet, never wanted any help finding anything, and always bought something.  I don’t think I ever caught her name either.

I wonder if I was creepy.  I was certainly awkward, and that can be misinterpreted quite easily.

No, I never met a girl through the Record Store as the boss had promised me.  I did meet friends though, such as Aaron from the KMA, who strolled through my doors around the same time as the Jewel girl.  No to romance, but yes to a heck of a long-lasting bromance.  That’s a lot more valuable, both as a human being and a collector.  We’ve enjoyed each other’s company and sent dozens of CDs back and forth over the decades.

So, to the “dream girls”, I’m sorry it didn’t work out.  It simply was not meant to be.

#1030: License to Drive

RECORD STORE TALES #1030: License to Drive

I was re-watching Mike and Bob’s Cross Kitchener Adventure the other day.  This old film that we made in highschool chronicled an afternoon of touring Kitchener in Bob’s car.  (Haven’t seen it?  Check it out.)  One thing that came up, repeatedly, was the fact that I didn’t have a driver’s license.  I was 18 years old with no license.  Bob teased me pretty hard about that.

I had no incentive to learn to drive.  Much like today, I didn’t really go anywhere!  Everything I wanted (except Sam the Record Man) was with walking distance.  (And I walked downtown to Sam’s once!)  School was a 10-15 minute walk.  The mall was 10 minutes.  The only incentive I really had was for Bob to stop teasing!

I can remember when I turned 16, my mom paid for driving lessons through the highschool.  I never went.  Why?

The truth is, I was scared of driving.

I remember having a dream one night that I owned K.I.T.T., Knight Rider’s car, a high-tech modified Trans-Am.  But in my dream I didn’t know how to drive either, so the car went into reverse out the driveway and hit somebody.  It was a really realistic dream.  I had another dream where I literally killed someone!

When driving classes started at school, I skipped (or “bagged” as the slang of the day went).  I had a lot of anxiety about it.  I had no idea what classroom it was in, so it was pretty easy to avoid.  My mom was pretty unhappy with me when she found out.  Which was long after the fact.

Getting in shit and getting teased didn’t change anything, but in the fall of 1991, I had to make a choice.  I had just started university up in Waterloo.  My choices were these:  1) Learn to drive, get a license, and drive yourself to school in dad’s old car.  2) Take the bus.

I chose 1).  Busses were a far worse option!  So I sucked it up and got lessons, and learned to drive.  And like anything else at that age, I became a know it all!

I barely passed my driver’s test.  The tester thought I was too hesitant at the lights.  I was really good at parallel parking though!

What I learned first and foremost however, was how awesome it was to have 100% say in the music selection!

I wish I could tell you for certain what album I played on my first solo drive.  I do know that I got my license in November of ’91 and focused on new releases during my first year as a driver.  The new Tesla, Europe, Poison (double live), Queensryche (single live), and Guns N’ Roses tapes were often in the deck.  I put them on my dashboard like a “now playing” sign to show off how cool I was.

I had night classes twice a week.  Sociology on Mondays from 7:00 – 10:00 pm, and Anthropology the same time on Thursdays.  I loved Anthro; didn’t care much for Soc.  The best thing about Sociology was meeting my pal Rob Vuckovich for the first time.  We talked about music a lot and became friends.  He told me of his incredible record collection that he refused to part with.  He would tape a track or two for me, but would not sell a single record.  Later on, when he decided to sell, he would only do so if I bought the entire collection.  Which I could not.  But he was a good guy.  He didn’t live far from me, so I drove him home after school.

I thought I would impress him by playing my newest acquisition from Columbia House:  Purple’s Perfect Strangers, featuring non-LP bonus track “Not Responsible”.  He was only mildly impressed.  He said something about how it was better than Bon Jovi or Poison.  Driving Rob home was something I looked forward to and I always chose the Monday night music specifically for him — to get some kind of reaction, positive or negative.

It’s funny how much I avoided driving until I absolutely had no choice.  My parents complained that I always left the stereo on reaaaaaally loud, but that’s just how I made the drive worthwhile!

 

#1029: Lick It Up (In Bed)

RECORD STORE TALES #1029: Lick It Up (In Bed)

When I was a kid I used to rock myself to sleep with music.  I missed doing that in my adulthood.  I don’t find headphones or earbuds comfortable to sleep in, and I’ve never found a really good device like that to fall asleep in.  I have a pair of “sleep headphones” which are basically little speakers inside a headband.  But I basically have to tie something tight around my head to get the little speakers close enough to my ears to be effective, and then the whole thing becomes too uncomfortable.

I remember my mom had this “pillow speaker”.  You could plug it into your Walkman, and it would convert the stereo signal down to mono, and you’d put this little speaker in your pillowcase.  But that wasn’t really a good solution either.

The best way to fall asleep then was with a tape or CD in the deck, and let your speakers rock you off to la-la-land.  Having a spouse might put a cramp in that tradition, as it has mine.  But nowadays, with Jen’s different health issues, we are on vastly different sleep schedules.  I’m usually in bed by nine and up by six.  She might be in bed by 2:00 AM, after all the late night hosts have signed off.  I might try returning to the “rock myself to sleep” method as an experiment.

I took a Saturday afternoon nap, but I was just too wired to get a good solid sleep.  I brought the laptop into the bedroom, put on “Lick It Up”, and tried to get some shuteye.  Unlike my youthful days, I didn’t fall asleep during the album, though I did doze off shortly after.

Sure enough though, memories of childhood came rushing back.  I think got Lick It Up for Christmas of ’85, the same year I was given my dual-deck Sanyo with detachable speakers.  I remember the Sanyo came with a sample cassette.  It had “Spanish Flea” on one side, and the other was blank for recording.  I think I tried to put “And On the 8th Day” on the second side, and I think it just fit.

Back in those days, I didn’t know most of the words to the songs, so I just kind of made up my own.  It’s probably a good thing I didn’t know the words.  In fact, only on the recently released Creatures of the Night box set can I clearly hear all the words to “Not For the Innocent”.  Otherwise, it was cool to hear Lick It Up, in bed like when I was a kid, but with perfectly clear sound, no tape hiss, no side change, and at perfect speed with no drag.  If only my 13 year-old self could have imagined that.  The sound quality, with my little laptop speakers, wasn’t great so I ordered another pair of small externals from Amazon.  That’s the next step of the test.

Lick It Up has been a favourite for a long time.  Back when I only owned one or two cases full of cassettes, it received frequent spins.  I remember accidentally dropping it into a bucket of wallpaper water.  My dad thankfully bought me a brand new copy.  I’d buy it again if Kiss offer another deluxe box set as they have recently.

We’ll see how my sleep experiment goes, but I definitely picked the right album for the first try.

#1028: Sounds of Liberation

RECORD STORE TALES #1028: Sounds of Liberation

I had a pretty good weekend.  I made some videos, and I wrote some fiction.  I went to go see Black Panther: Wakanda Forever in 3D.  I even almost missed writing reviews.  Almost!

I feel liberated.  Liberated from what?  Myself – my own obsessions and hangups when it comes to music and writing.  For example, in the past when I’ve seen a new movie (such as Eternals last year), I raced home and wrote it all up while the film was still fresh in my head.  This time, I came home and had a nap!  Who cares what I have to say about Black Panther anyway?  You’re either going to see it or not see it the same as you would have with or without me.

I will say this.  The 3D was unnecessary and blurry.  A movie that was designed in 3D like Avatar is a completely different beast.  Something like Black Panther is usually converted to 3D afterwards.  It could have been used more effectively.  I did not need to see it in 3D.  Little was added to the experience.  I did need to see it in the V.I.P. theater because damn, those parmesan truffle fries were the star of the show.  I reclined in my chair and nearly fell asleep, I was so full and so comfortable!  The film itself was very emotional.  The whole thing was a love letter to Chadwick Boseman, and that added layer of meaning really hits you.

So there you go, that’s all you get for a review.

Instead of coming home from work and listening to something that I am playing just to review, sometimes twice in a row, now I’m coming home and listening to things that I want to listen to.  Tonight it’s the Black Sabbath Technical Ecstasy remix CD.  And I’m not listening with studious intent, picking apart the details.  I don’t have five browser windows open, looking for credits and release information for research purposes.  I’m just…writing what I’m thinking right here right now!  And it’s awesome!  Or to quote Bill Ward on the song playing right now, “It’s Alright”.

There’s so much more.  I don’t feel competitive, like I’m trying to get as much exposure as possible on Instagram, Twitter and Facebook.  I’m free from promoting myself.  I’m free from giving a crap.  I realize that giving a crap in the first place was my own fault, but habits are hard to break.  Freedom is a hell of a drug.

I do love doing the Friday night show.  Writing fiction is a blast.  Since Harrison can only do art for one Tee Bone Man episode per month, and we wouldn’t want to do an episode without his art, I’ve branched out.  I’ve now written two spinoff chapters called the Writer’s Room that is tremendous fun and easy to do.  Harrison calls it the “Extended LeBrainiverse” and it keeps growing.  Any time I feel like writing fiction, I have an outlet without having to put more pressure on Harrison.  Fiction, or at least short stories, are so much easier than writing reviews.  And just as rewarding, if not more so.

Less than a year ago, as a way to thank Tee Bone (the real guy) for all his help with my show (he refused all offers of gifts), I created Tee Bone Man.  And I wanted to share that creation with the community.  Today five different authors write Tee Bone Man which is exactly what I wanted to happen!  It has turned out better than I hoped!   Having all these creative outlets is a wonderful thing!

That’s it, that’s the story for today.  As I finish up this incredible Black Sabbath album, I get ready to go and watch last night’s American Dad and chill on the couch.  Not a bad life.

#1027: I Feel Alright

RECORD STORE TALES #1027: I Feel Alright

We all have ups and downs.  If you say you don’t then I don’t believe you.  I’ve never been diagnosed bipolar but I’ve always wondered, the way my spirits can sway to and fro.  I can’t remember how long it has been this way for me, but I think since University – around age 19.  That’s when I really started to feel lonely.  Up until then my best friend Bob and I had been tighter than tight, but now we were at different schools and in different circles of friends.  It felt weird but I knew it was a natural thing that happens.  I certainly had read enough teen fiction on the concept of friends drifting apart.  Alice Cooper even had a song about it called “Alma Mater” on the School’s Out album.  Up until that point my life was fairly uncomplicated by things like girls.

I’ve worked hard to get where I am today, the point at which I can self-reflect with a little more knowledge and wisdom.  In some ways, I’ve pulled it together better than ever in 2022 with a solid support group and strategies.  On the other hand, there have been unforeseen difficulties in 2022.  I used to be driven by the idea of writing every day.  This year writing really became stale for me so I have had to look to other creative avenues instead.  Even though this feeling had been building a long time, it is still a difficult adjustment to my routine.  But I’m adjusting.  I still listen to music every day at work, in the car and at home.  I just don’t want to force myself to write about it anymore.  Maybe I just want to chill on the couch watching YouTube.

Speaking of YouTube, one of the surprises this fall is that live streaming just happened to feel right for me again.  Keeping things loose, simple and unprepared is way more fun than spending hours and hours on taking notes every week.  And I need to thank Harrison, the Mad Metal Man, my trusty co-host.  I prefer having a co-host to being a solo artist and Harrison has been with me every single week so far.  He’s helped me put the social fun back into my Friday nights.  Harrison the Mad Metal Man deserves a hell of a lot of praise, even if you’re not watching our show (Grab a Stack of Rock with Mike and the Mad Metal Man).  Pat him on the back just for being a part of a thing that’s helping me get through this cold, dark winter.

Dark indeed!  I leave for work before the sun is up.  The sun is setting, and just laying on the horizon during my drive home.  I get no daylight at all; I’m stuck in my office.  But hope is not lost.  The solstice is only 17 days away.  That means soon the days will be getting longer again.  In one month, the sun will still set at approximately the same time as tonight, but each night thereafter it will be setting later and later.  That is a warming thought.

You’ll notice the thread running through these paragraphs is, as always, music.  The one constant in my life.  The one thing that never ghosted me, stabbed me in the back or left me out to dry.  Music, possibly the most powerful form of communication on earth.  It combines words with feelings, in a way that naturally resonates with the human soul.

Have you ever seen American Dad?  The episode where Roger is on a blind date with a girl:

Girl:  “So…do you like music?”

Roger:  “Do I like music?  No, no I’m the one person on Earth who doesn’t like music.”

 

From that first moment when Styx made me feel cool, to this very moment rocking out to hard rock as I hammer out words, music has been there my whole life.  My parents nurtured this from a young age by buying me John Williams records.  Then came Styx, and Quiet Riot really sold me on the kind of music that I craved.  Maiden changed my life, and Kiss wormed their way into my heart.  The tunes are part of me.  Playing them is like drawing strength from an infinite well.  When I’m miserable, music is there to take the edge off just a little bit.

Even at the Catholic school retreat where music was forbidden, they could not take “Love Gun” out of my head.  I hummed it to myself as a shield.

Even as the bullies made my days hell, Kiss made my nights happy.

Even as I sat alone in my room in my 20s, I was comforted by Van Halen, Motley Crue, Extreme, Guns N’ Roses, Tesla, Skid Row, Rush, Steve Vai, Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, and Deep Purple.

I feel alright.  I’m making it.  Seasonal affective disorder is a bitch, and every year is unique in small ways.  This year was no exception.  It actually feels like a monumental shift in my life, losing the passion for writing while making a new friend.  But there’s the balance.  Lose one thing, gain another.  It’s mostly a matter of navigating the bumps.

I feel alright!  We’re almost through this year.  New adventures lay ahead.  Let’s look forward to them, whatever they may be.

 

#1026: Fakin’ It

All yesterday, I faked that I was in a good mood.

I’m pretty good at it. I have 12 years of retail experience under my belt.

Not everything is going according to plan. We have water and mold in our storage locker. All my books…all my action figures…all my treasures.

Good thing I’m good at faking it.

Other things have not been working out as I envisioned either. But hey, a new Metallica is coming. I guess I can file that with the last two that I can’t remember the songs from!

#1025: @MarriedAndHeels

As I put reviews on hiatus indefinitely, I would like to introduce you to my friend MarriedAndHeels.

MarriedAndHeels is a new friend of mine from Glendora California.  She is a runner, a fashion model and a cancer survivor.

Because nobody is reading my reviews anymore (into which I put a lot of hard work), I have also been writing fiction.  MarriedAndHeels has been an inspiration here, and you will see our new fictional projects come to life very soon.  Not all of it will be published publicly, but I guarantee that our creative collaborations will give me something to do this winter and they will, they will, rock you.

Stay tuned and look for more MarriedAndHeels right here!  If you like her content, click below.

#1024: Where were you when Freddie died? When Eric died?

Lunch With Ladano yesterday was regarding the events of November 23, 1991.  The announcement that Freddie Mercury had AIDS, the worst kept secret in rock. Do you remember?

 

#1023: “Just the pieces of the man I used to be”

RECORD STORE TALES #1023: “Just the pieces of the man I used to be”

You never know how it’s gonna go.

You roll out of bed feeling like a winner, and then suddenly for absolutely no reason, that completely changes and you’re struggling to break even.

Maybe it’s the pressures of modern life.  The hustle and the bustle.  The need to get things done, even though you’re behind and energy is in short supply.

The feeling of loneliness even though you are not alone.  There’s a dark place in your heart, only inhabited by you, that no one can break into.  It’s not that you can’t let them in.  It’s that you don’t even know how to open that door.  Of if you actually want to.  If you’d prefer to be alone.

The daily monotony, the commute, the cold, the damp.

The fact that all the hours of daylight happen when you’re in an office doing your daily grind.

The pressure and drive to do something important, to be someone who matters.  To make a difference.  To be somebody…anybody…but who you are.

Somehow, a sad song helps.  There’s something about a sad song that can pry its way into your soul.  Provide sympathy.  Warmth.  Help you dry the tears.  That tells you someone out there is feeling the exact same way you do.  It’s as if someone in the world knows you, just as well as you know yourself.

You could be in a room full of happy celebrations, and feel so alone, so completely down, yet have to fake it to make it.

One of the worst winters of my younger life was the winter of ’95-96.  I had just been dumped by my first real serious girlfriend.  I put on a brave face and for a few days, I thought I had weathered the storm.  I listened to “classic British hard blues” that week and felt super strong.  The crash came later.  One of the albums that helped me through that winter was Queen’s Made In Heaven.  The final album with Freddie.  Though there is some undeniable dark material on the album, such as “Mother Love”, and “Too Much Love Will Kill You”, I was amazed at how positive some of the other songs such as “Heaven For Everyone” were.  The album was like a journey through my own convoluted feelings.

“I’m just the pieces of the man I used to be,
Too many bitter tears are raining down on me.”

Yet on the same album:

“In these days of cold affections,
You sit by me and everything’s fine.”

What will the album for the winter of 2022 be?  For the last several years, I’ve been digging deep down into the albums that made me happy as a youth.

“Listen! They said I didn’t stand a chance,
I wouldn’t win no way,
But I’ve got news for you,
There’s nothing I can’t do!”

It was a different time.  There was misery, but nothing can duplicate that feeling of hearing a song for the first time.  A song that you know means something to you.  That is destined to stick with you for your whole life.  And when you put those records on again, a million things start happening in your head.  You can be 12 or 13 again.  A time when the real problems of life were completely unknown to you and the biggest issue you had was figuring out how to talk to the girl you liked.

Like a phantom of a dream, old songs make the memories real again.  As you wipe a tear from your eye, you remember.  It can help sooth the sadness.

Sometimes you just have to cry it out, whatever it is.  Hell, I don’t know what it is exactly.  I just know it sucks.

They say that life never hands you anything you can’t handle.  I don’t know about that.  History is rife with people who could not handle what life has given them.  I think I can – but it’s never simple, straightforward, or obvious how to do it.

So I write.

It’s the only thing I’m really good at.  The only thing people really notice about me.

I write in the hopes that someone will understand.

That someone will relate.

That someone can take what I have experienced and draw something good from it.

And that maybe I’ll get some of that goodness back.

This winter has been pretty good.  My strategies are working.  My support personnel are solid.  But there will always be days where I can’t help it.  Can’t help FEELING IT.  The old familiar sting of that cold, unrelenting loneliness.  The kind of loneliness that can strike even when you are in a room full of loved ones.

One of the best albums for this time of year is Catherine Wheel’s Adam & Eve record.  It captures it all.

“Start the day, in a cold December way, feel what’s new, it’s December through and through.”

And on the same record:

“And we crown ourselves again,
There’s been no change since you and I were young,
When we burned ourselves again,
The spaceship days when you and I were young.”

I crave those spaceship days so hard sometimes.  But you can never really go back.

Except with a song.

Come back with me.  Join me in my memories, on this sad, cold winter day.