Reviews

TV REVIEW: American Dad – “Rabbit Ears”

AMERICAN DAD โ€“ โ€œRabbit Earsโ€ย (Episode 4, season 14)

It has been an exciting week for American Dad fans, as they devoured one of the weirdest episodes of the entire series, “Rabbit Ears”.ย  This is a series that did an entire episode in the form of a stage play.ย  Another was styled like an indi film and featured Zooey Dechanel as an overtly stated “manic pixie dream girl”.ย  This time, American Dad took off for The Outer Limits and ended up in the Twilight Zone.

There is no hint of the episode’s bizarre setting in the standard opening.ย  Stan, always up to something stupid, goes garbage picking on “big items” week, when people throw out large appliances.ย  He brings home a mattress infested with bed bugs and a giant, ancient television.ย  The Smith family are not amused, especially when Roger steals their attention as his latest persona:ย  a non-verbal newborn baby.ย  Then it gets weirder.

Sequestered in the basement with his mattress and television set, Stan sets up the antenna and gets nothing but static.ย  Then suddenly, Stan is woken from his slumber by the sweet sound of jazz, as a show finally comes in: “Nighthawks Hideaway”.

“Nighthawks Hideaway” intro with Alistair Covax

“Weclome Nighthawks, we’ve been expecting you.ย  The hour is late but the party is just getting started.ย  I’m Alistair Covax, your host for a sophistical little soirรฉe with jazz, stimulating conversation, beautiful ladies…and more jazz.”

“What IS this show?” asks Stan.ย  It’s in black and white and clearly from the 1960s.

“Charlie, play some of those notes you know I like,” says Alistair to the jazz pianist.

Nothing on Google.ย  No record of the host Alistair Covax (Star Trek‘s Chris Pine) either.ย  Even TV Guide magazine says the show does never existed…but they know of a support group for people who claim to have seen Nighthawks Hideaway!ย  A show that does not exist…but multiple people have seen it.ย  Shades of Shazam/Kazaam!

Investigating the support group, Stan finds only one other attendee:ย  neighbour Al Tuttle (Richard Kind).

“There used to be more people, but one by one, they stopped coming,” explains Tuttle.

But what about the show?ย  “There’s only one episode!ย  And it re-runs over and over and over on channel 36!”

It’s even stranger than that.ย  “There’s only one episode…but it changes!ย  Little…differences in the show!ย  I keep track of them!”

That night, Stan notices something different on Nighthawks Hideaway.ย  Tuttle is in the show!ย  Not believeing his eyes, he knows further investigation is required.ย  Tuttle’s house is empty, but Stan finds his TV and notebook.ย  Here, Tuttle tracked differences from night to night.ย  The last page has the ominous note “I MUST GO IN.”

Stan studies the book and tracks the changes, night after night, in the basement on the old TV and finally discovers what happened to Al Tuttle.ย  And that’s when things get really Twilight Zone, and to go further would get into spoiler territory.

This episode “Rabbit Ears” was a truly fresh spin on a classic science fiction / horror theme.ย  Perhaps this style of storytelling is coming back into vogue.ย  There is a rebooted Twilight Zone now, hosted by Jordan Peele.ย  Regardless of trends, American Dad are still the masters of a specific type of surreal animated comedy.ย  The show is its own genre now, and “Rabbit Ears” is a clear indicator that its potential remains wide open.ย  Keep ’em coming.

5/5 stars

 

 

DVD REVIEW: Grandma’s Boy (Unrated 2006)

GRANDMA’S BOY (2006 20th Century Fox Unrated Edition DVD)

Allen Covert finally got to step out from Adam Sandler’s sizable shadow in Grandma’s Boy, one of the best, most re-watchable weed comedies this side of Half Baked. Covert can’t really do an entire comedy on his own so expect to see Sandler’s other reliable sidemen:ย  Peter Dante, David Spade, Kevin Nealon and Rob Schneider.ย  Joel Moore (Avatar) and Linda Cardelini (Freaks & Geeks, Captain America: Civil War) are on hand, but check out a super young Jonah Hill!

The setup is pretty simple. Allen Covert has been evicted from his apartment (not his fault!) and decides to go live with some new “roomates” — his grandma and her two friends. But he can’t let his co-workers at a video game company know that he’s not throwing it down with hotties every night, so he keeps it on the downlow. Covert has the best job for his lifestyle — he tests video games all day. If you like video games, this movie is for you.

Things come to a head when Linda Cardelini shows up to get the delayed game back on its release schedule, The head designer J.P. (Moore dressed up like Neo) seems a little jealous of his teammates. During the course of the movie, copious amounts of the herb are consumed before the action packed video gaming climax.ย  Even Grandma might partake…accidentally of course.

If you like those Happy Madison movies, but are sad they don’t make ’em like they used to anymore, give Grandma’s Boy a visit.

3/5 stars

REVIEW: The Darkness – “Love Is Only a Feeling” (CD and DVD singles)

THE DARKNESS – “Love Is Only a Feeling” (2004 Warner UK CD and DVD singles)

Collecting singles isn’t as easy as just buying the single anymore.ย  Which versions are out there, with what tracks?ย  The Darkness’ singles are usually interesting for the different bonus tracks and variations out there.ย  Their hit ballad “Love Is Only a Feeling” was available on CD, DVD and 7″ vinyl.ย  You only need the CD and DVD to get all the tracks, but there’s a catch:ย  the DVD is in PAL format (common in Europe), so you need a player that can decode it.

No problem.ย  LeBrain HQ has a collection of frankenstein multi-media tech that can convert the most popular physical formats into something easier to play!ย  It’s not a pretty setup but it gets the job done.ย  All the tracks from all the versions of “Love is Only a Feeling” can be compiled in a single file folder!

As far as ballads go, The Darkness didn’t wimp out with “Love is Only a Feeling”.ย  The Lizzy-like intro harmonies meld into an acoustic mandolin verse.ย  A bombastic band like the Darkness is at home with a bombastic ballad, but early Darkness didn’t use a lot of frills and extraneous instrumentation.ย  “Love is Only a Feeling” doesn’t go overboard, but sticks to pretty a traditional rock arrangement.ย  You can blast it out the car windows — no problem.

The first of the single B-sides is “Planning Permission”, an unpolished song that almost stands with the ones that did make it onto Permission to Land.ย  It could use a little more tightening up but the roots of a good song are there.ย  Next is the bizarre “Curse of the Tollund Man”.ย  It might even be considered educational.ย  The actual mummy of the Tollund Man was found buried in peat as described in the song.ย  It sounds like the Darkness were really trying to write a Queen B-side.ย  It’s amusing but all over the place.

The music video for “Love is Only a Feeling” is the main feature of the DVD single.ย ย I’m a sucker for mountaintop videos.ย  “Love Is Only a Feeling” is almost as epic as the Bon Jovi and Guns N’ Roses clips that came before .ย  Then, they take it over the top by going under the ground, in a cave!ย  A behind-the-scenes video reveals safety ropes, helicopters and elevated platforms to heighten the drama.

The real reason to seek the DVD single is to acquire the final bonus track, “Get Your Hands Off My Woman” live at the Astoria.ย  The action-packed track features Dan Hawkins on all guitars, so Justin can jump around and do the splits.ย  Vintage live Darkness with the original lineup is scarce, as far as official releases go.ย  This live Darkness is full speed, filmed in the raw.ย  It doesn’t matter if you get it for watching or just listening.ย  It’s a great version.

If you’re fortunate enough to play DVDs from multiple regions, the singles are usually dirt cheap on Discogs.ย  This one even came with a poster!ย  DVD singles were a fad and never really caught on.ย  They can, however, patch some holes in your Darkness collection.

4/5 stars

 

 

REVIEW: Quiet Riot – Cum On Feel the Noize (1989 CBS cassette)

QUIET RIOT – Cum On Feel the Noize (1989 CBS cassette)

From the same line as the previously reviewed Trouble Shooters by Judas Priest, here’s a tape-only Quiet Riot compilation.ย  Like the Priest tape, Cum On Feel the Noize has nothing more recent than five years.ย  For Quiet Riot, that unfortunately means you’re only hearing songs from two albums!ย  (Nothing from the first two which were only released in Japan.)

The title track (and Slade cover) “Cum On Feel the Noize” goes first, muddy tape hiss and all:ย  this cassette has seen better days!ย  It’s an edited version (roughly 3:10), so perhaps something you don’t have in your collection.ย  The speedy album track “Run For Cover” then delivers the scalding hot metal.ย  Two more big hit singles follow:ย  “Mama Weer All Crazee Now (another Slade cover) and “Metal Health” (sometimes subtitled “Bang Your Head” in case you didn’t know the name).ย  These two hits will keep the party flowing, and that’s it for side one.

Proving they had more than just a passing interest in mental health, “Let’s Go Crazy” kicks off side two with a bang.ย  Frankie Banali is the man — his drums really sell this one.ย  “(We Were) Born to Rock” is another solid number, all rock no schlock.ย  “Slick Black Cadillac” is a shrewd inclusion.ย  Gotta have a car song for the road.ย  Then “Party All Night” finishes it off with a pretty clear message.

As a party tape, Cum On Feel the Noize would have done the trick.ย  You should probably just own Metal Health and Conditional Critical instead, but this is a fun tape and would have been enough Quiet Riot for most folks.

3/5 stars

REVIEW: Psycho Circus – Psycho Circus (1992 cassette)

PSYCHO CIRCUS – Psycho Circus (1992 indi cassette EP)

Psycho Circus put out their one and only album in 1993.ย  They were a talented band who avoided grunge cliches and instead dove into funk-metal and a darker Faith No More sound circa The Real Thing.ย  The album was split down the middle between the two sides.ย  Decades later I found an earlier indi cassette, released after they signed with SRO Management, the team behind Rush.

It’s quite clear this band had musical chops.ย  Opening track “Picky Purple People” is killer.ย  Faux-horns, massive bass and busy drums are relentless.ย  This is a goofier side of the band, but well executed.ย  If the Chili Peppers and Faith No More had a baby, it would sound like “Picky Purple People”.ย  Next is “Funk in Our Souls”, a track that was re-recorded for the album later.ย  The cassette version sounds more bass heavy.ย  It’s more enjoyable for that reason, not to mention the smoking guitar solo.ย ย “Can You Feel It?” was also re-recorded for the album, but this is one of those darker songs that eschew the funk.ย  Singer Vince Franchi hits unreal notes.ย  His voice is versatile.ย  It’s Faith No More without the twisted mind.

The final track didn’t make it onto the CD.ย  “Psycho Circus” opens with traditional circus music, a full six years before Kiss did the same thing with their own song called “Psycho Circus”.ย  Maybe they should try suing Kiss?ย  It would be fun to see!ย  That’s the only similarity.ย  This is another funky track, and though the circus music is a bit silly, the chorus rocks.

The tape comes with a nice J-card and full lyrics.ย  In a way it’s a better listen than the album.ย  It doesn’t have as many great songs, but it also has less filler.

3/5 stars

REVIEW: The Darkness – One Way Ticket to Hell …and Back (2005)

THE DARKNESS – One Way Ticket to Hell… and Back (2005 Atlantic)

It was pins and needles, waiting for the new Darkness album in 2005.ย  First Mutt Lange was said to be the producer.ย  Then it was Roy Thomas Baker, who got a test drive on the 2004 remake of “Get Your Hands Off My Woman…Again”.ย  With guys like that at the control panel, you knew the Darkness were going to do something epic.ย  Unfortunately, some people just wanted more of the same Permission To Land style of fun but hard rock.ย  Those folks didn’t want flutes, strings or gui-boards.

โ€œThe new Darknessโ€ฆsucks,” said one of my bosses when I walked in to work at the Record Store one afternoon in late December.ย  We had just received our shipment.ย  โ€œIn one song, all he does is sing, โ€˜I love what youโ€™ve done with your hair,โ€™ over and over again,โ€ complained the boss, who loved raining on my parade.ย  My opinion of the album was the polar opposite.

There’s little question that the band took it too far.ย  Justin Hawkins was knee-deep in drugs and an infatuation with the 80s.ย  One Way Ticket to Hell …And Back is like a busy, manic snapshot of that period in time.ย  The band fired off in all directions, with pompous and bombastic kitchen-sink production backing them up.ย  Bassist Frankie Poullain was also out (the usual “creative differences”) and replaced by the uber-talented Richie Edwards.

The over-production is certainly an issue, especially when so many were attracted to the raw sound of the Darkness.ย  The shrill title track opens with flutes and Gregorian monks, and then Justin takes a snort.ย  “The first line hit me like a kick in the face. Thought I better have another just in case.”ย  A nice thick riff is joined to a soaring multi-layered chorus for that classic Darkness formula.ย  Then the acoustics and a sitar kicks in, because what else do you need on a song about excess?ย  The coke and money must have been flowing right through that recording studio.ย  (At least they saved a little money on the sitar.ย  They didn’t have to hire a player, since Justin could do it.ย  They did hire a flautist.)

“And I love what you’ve done with your hair!” screams Justin on the song that is (obviously) called “Knockers”.ย  It’s pure pop rock with piano, keyboards and slide guitar for that necessary excess.ย  “Is It Just Me?” (a single) strips things down to the basics, because you have to have a few songs like that too.ย  Then we get hysterical on “Dinner Lady Arms”, a Def Leppard song at heart.ย  Justin’s soaring high chorus was far beyond the Leps, but Phil Collen could have written that riff.

Permission to Land ended its first side with a ballad (“Love is Only a Feeling”) and so the formula was repeated here.ย  “Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time” is similar but just as good, embellished with strings and piano.ย  The most epic song, however, is “Hazel Eyes”.ย  The side two opener boasts full-on bagpipes and an indescribable high-pitched Celtic chorus!ย  Everything gels.ย  The pompous overindulgence, and the pure Darkness sound, are mixed to chemical perfection.ย  It also features that signature Eddie Graham drum fill.ย  Boom-boom-boom-boom, BAP!

There’s a brief stumble here.ย  “Bald” is an amusing song, rocking slow and hard, but lacking that je ne sais quoi that could have made it unforgettable.ย  Then Justin swerves a little too far into pop with the disco-like “Girlfriend“, complete with gui-board solo and the highest notes known to humankind.ย  A brilliant single it is, but perhaps an example of the Darkness going too far off course on an album that is already overflowing with excess.ย  Then again, perhaps it’s actually the right song for an album like this.ย  Where else would you put it?

As we close in on the end, “English Country Garden” fires on with a speedy piano rock jam.ย  It’s like taking a Queen LP and turning the speed up to 45.ย  Finally “Blind Man” is the closing ballad to takes things to their logical ends.ย  You will hear no discernible rock instruments, just the strings and woodwinds of an orchestra, for almost the whole thing.ย  That was really the end way to end an album this bombastic.ย  Appropriately, Justin’s vocals are similarly taken to the extreme.

You have to admire The Darkness for just going for it.ย  They could have done Permission to Land Part II, just by leaving out the excess.ย  They didn’t.ย  We knew they were going to go balls to the wall when they were briefly working with Mutt Lange.ย  You don’t work with Mutt Lange unless you want every note under the microscope.ย  There are a lot of notes on One Way Ticket, and each one sounds like it was painstakingly created in sterile perfection.ย  And that’s fine.ย  That’s one method of getting there.ย  One Way Ticket was the “experimental” second album, and like any other, it’s both baffling and charismatic in extreme measures.

4.5/5 stars

REVIEW: Feel – “I Become You” video (1994)

FEEL – “I Become You” (1994 independent VHS tape)

Not all great bands make it, and Feel was a great band.ย  Formerly Russian Blue, Feel were active on the Toronto rock scene in the early 90s.ย  When things went grunge, they adapted their melodic rock to the times.ย  The result was dark, not-quite-mainstream hard rock that could appeal to both sides of the aisle.ย  Their album This (get it? Feel This?) had a number of memorable tracks.ย  They also released a home video for lead song “I Become You”.

The video arrived personally autographed by all four band members; a nice touch.ย  ย In addition to being a top quality song, “I Become You” is also a slick looking, well-edited music video.ย  It utilises tricks like slow and fast motion, still photos, and plenty of camera movement.ย  The result is a briskly paced video with a band always in motion.ย  The guitar solo segment is particularly good.ย  Feel were television ready, if only the chips had fallen differently.ย  Frontman Joe Donner had the chops and certainly appeared ready to be the next rock sensation.

4/5 stars

Make sure you watch the video to the end, as I added some bonus content!ย  In 1993 Feel released a sampler cassette called A Taste Of….ย  I included the “Introduction” track at the end of the video, as it has a sampling of the album and even an unreleased riff that didn’t make it.ย  Check it out and let me know what you think of Feel!

 

REVIEW: Queensrรฟche – The Verdict (2019 “Masterpiece Edition”)

QUEENSRลธCHE โ€“ The Verdict (2019 Century Media 2 CD “Masterpiece Edition”)

The Todd La Torre era of Queensryche is now three albums deep. There’s no more mucking around. When drummer Scott Rockenfield went on personal leave, they didn’t let that stop them from writing and recording The Verdict. La Torre, a capable drummer in his own right, took on the challenge quite seamlessly.

So what’s the verdict on The Verdict?

The first Todd album (2013’s Queensrรฟche) was safe and too brief.ย  The second (2015’s Condition Hรผman) was a lot to digest.ย  The Verdict may have struck a better balance.ย  They’re still exploring their own brand of metal, bringing in a few new sounds without departing from their core direction.ย  They sound more comfortable in their own shoes.ย  Don’t expect a progression into new musical territory.ย  That’s not what The Verdict is.ย  It’s a full-force metal album with nuance, complexity, and plenty of guitar harmonies.ย  That’s what Queensryche do now.ย  The writing is sharpened, and the songs sound assembled with care.

The album requires a few listens to sink in.ย  The immediate standout here is a track called “Light-Years”, a song written by bassist Eddie Jackson who seems to come up with amazing songs out of the blue.ย  Regal, riff-laden metal with bravery and hooks.ย  This song should surely go down as a future Ryche classic.ย  (Jackson also wrote “Propaganda Fashion” and co-wrote a bunch of others.)ย  Another impressive song is the ballady “Dark Reverie” contributed by Parker Lundgren.ย  Todd really kicks it in the ass with his outstanding vocals.ย  The longest track “Bent” is dark and epic.ย  The only real weakness on this album is a lack of diversity, which they seem to be trying to avoid lest they end up with another Dedicated to Chaos.

The balance is clear.ย  The complexity of Condition Hรผmanย is tempered by sharper hooks and melodies on The Verdict.ย  They’ve cranked out a lot of music over the last six years and they’re sounding more confident today.ย  Speaking of “a lot of music”, the consumer has choose between the standard single 10 track CD or the double “Masterpiece Edition” with rarities and new recordings.

For many fans, this will be their first chance to own the songs “46ยฐ North”, “Mercury Rising”, and “Espiritu Muerto”.ย  To get those, you had to buy the (previously reviewed) vinyl box set version of Condition Hรผman.ย  Fans will also be thrilled by the four live songs from 2013’s Queensrรฟche.ย  One of them, “Eyes of a Stranger”, could only be found on the (previously reviewed) Japanese version.ย  These, of course, all feature Scott Rockenfield on drums, his only appearances in this set.

The percussion on the two new recordings is handled by touring drummer Casey Grillo.ย  If he ends up a permanent member one day, nobody can say, but these are his very first recordings with Queensryche.ย  They are acoustic versions of “I Dream in Infrared” (from Rage for Order) and “Open Road” from (Queensrรฟche).ย  Both are quite excellent.ย  It would be cool to get more of these acoustic renderings.ย  (Geoff Tate did four on his Queensryche’s Frequency Unknown album.)

The “Masterpiece Edition” (9000 copies) comes packed in a nice big box similar to the one from 2013’s Queensrรฟche.ย  Additional goodies inside include an iron-on patch, a Verdict fridge magnet, and bottle opener.ย  Now your kitchen can finally be complete.ย  Just extra fluff, really — buy it for the songs.

4/5 stars

REVIEW: Tommy Shaw – What If (1985)

TOMMY SHAW โ€“ย What If (1985 A&M, 2013 BGO Records)

Tommy Shaw’s second solo album What If didn’t have a big hit like Girls With Guns.ย  It did have some solid if lesser known songs.ย  Production wise, the edges are a little sharper.

Hot opener “Jealousy” boasts a cool sax solo, and a memorable chorus beefed up with soulful backing vocals.ย  Second up, “Remo’s Theme” is from the movie Remo Williams, a forgotten film with a decent lead song.ย ย Unfortunately the drums have that electronic gate that indicates samples, but fits the 80s vibe of “Remo’s Theme”.ย  It sounds like a Miami Vice episode waiting to happen.

Shaw goes for the dusky nightclub scene with “Reach for the Bottle”.ย  Songs can paint pictures, and this one is made for drinking.ย  The electro-funk of “Friendly Advice” however just reeks.ย  Musicians would slap me and point to it as a high point of sheer playing ability, but I’m holding my nose over here.ย  It gets better on “This is Not a Test”, still lodged deep in the 80s but in a good way.ย  The subject matter is right out of 1985:ย  the threat of nuclear war!ย  This was a popular subject in the 80s, just ask Ozzy.

The second side opened with “See Me Now”, an inspirational energising tune, carefully composed like…layers of gouda on a cheese sandwich.ย  Dig?ย  It tastes good, but too much is probably not good for you.ย  “True Confessions” is similarly a pop guilty pleasure.ย  God that drum sound is awful!ย  Moving on, “Count on You” has a Floydian (80s of course) ballad vibe, with more of that tasty sax.ย  “Nature of the Beast” is another ballad with terrific melodies and more of them drum samples.ย  Finally “Bad Times” ends the album with a “good time” song.ย  Loads of saxophone,ย  upbeat hooks, and less obtrusive drums.

What If is not a bad album, but some the production gets to way too clunky on some tracks.ย  When it’s played closer to rock and roll, the basic instruments, it works far better.

3/5 stars

GUEST REVIEW: Van Halen – Balance (Derek vs. LeBrain)

VAN HALEN โ€“ย Balance (1995 Warner)

By DereK

I was perusing Mikeโ€™s blog like I sometimes do (what can I say, Iโ€™m a fan). I stumbled upon his review for a Van Halen record that means a lot to me, and frankly, is the one I love the most among all of the Hagar years AND Roth years. I was really surprised with just how harsh Mike was on what Iโ€™ve always regarded as the pinnacle of Van Halenโ€™s creativity and musicality.

After discussing it with Mike, I decided to write somewhat of a rebuttal to his 3.75/5 review. ย I plan to try to explain why this record means so much to me as a Van Halen fan and professional composer/musician. I will quote from the original review to make this sort of sound like a discussion rather than me just being a dick and touting my opinion as better. If anything, I just want detractors of this record to give it another view and possibly a second chance.

Ready? Letโ€™s go!


Balanceย takes Van Halen into a highly polished, commercial direction. This is โ€œbalancedโ€ with heavier grooves and a couple more โ€œseriousโ€ lyrics. ย  The result turned out to be one of Van Halenโ€™s most pop outings.

Right off the bat I will disagree with you Mike. I argue that this is Van Halenโ€™s most EXPERIMENTAL outing since Fair Warning. The melodic phrasing and song structures on some of these songs are incredibly progressive, and additionally, I believe that there are enough instrumental pieces that push what peopleโ€™s perception of the band could be.

As for the polish, that isnโ€™t a negative, the band has never sounded better. The way Alex tuned his drums is brilliant and crisp, Eddieโ€™s tone never sounded more varied (at least until Van Halen III), and the band sounded incredibly tight and focused (Mikeโ€™s bass in particular is fucking blistering). The record being heavy is 100 percent a positive as well, as this applies not only to the slamming instrumental but also the lyrical content.

This is hard rock, metal, and avant-garde with pop overtones. Not pop.

This is โ€œThe Seventh Sealโ€, and Sammyโ€™s voice is in top form. Michael Anthonyโ€™s bass rolls and hits the notes at just the right moments. This is truly a great song, completely different from Van Halen of old, but surely a triumph.

No argument from me here. The Buddhist monks chanting in their low vocal register leading into Sammyโ€™s fever dream about the End Times as described in the book of Revelation is a beckoning call to fans that Van Halen is in its most mature incarnation. Balance is established right off the bat as a theme involving spirituality, but that isnโ€™t the only type of Balance pursued in the record. I see many of these songs as mirrors of one another, focusing in on a true sense of balance. I will extrapolate on this as I go on.

โ€œCanโ€™t Stop Loving Youโ€, is an embarrassing foray into pop. While Van Halen wrote pop stuff before (โ€œLove Walks Inโ€), this song lacks cojones of any kind. The guitar is really thin, Alex Van Halen cha-chaโ€™s his way through the drum fills, while Sammy sings a lyric that David Lee Roth would have used to wipe his ass.

Hoo boy. As I have already stated, I think the production on Balance is brilliant so we wonโ€™t retread that issue here. I always found this song to be sad, to me it is about the kind of longsuffering love that only couples who have been together for decades will understand. It shows an evolution in Van Halenโ€™s views on love, which before were often juvenile in the sense that it was more about the start of the relationship before things get hard. The theme of commitment never really factored into the equation until this track, just the hormones in your body exploding when love is raw and new to you. David Lee Roth could never have come up with something like this, ever.

โ€œDonโ€™t Tell Me (What Love Can Do)โ€ is anything but a love song. Sammy tackles drugs, faith, youth in crisis, and the 1990โ€™s. Hagar has never sounded more foreboding, or mature for that matter. Eddieโ€™s riff is simple, but dark and rhythmic. Michael locks onto the riff, creating this unstoppable wall of groove.

We agree here, this song is fucking genius in its execution and is the closest to metal Van Halen get until they write “Humans Being” a little later. Also here is where we begin to see the theme of Balance, which I argue permeates the record, take shape. The prior track is about a fulfilling love, this track is about the absence of love and how the dejected react in situations of pure despair. Pay attention, pretty much every song on the record has a directly opposing relationship to the song that it follows.

There is nothing wrong with this mid-tempo rocker (“Amsterdam”) with spare Eddie riff, except the lyrics.

Look the lyrics are in a party song, which as I recall, are not required to be Shakespeare. Do you really think that any DLR era gems known for partying like “Take Your Whiskey Home” are any more profound? Lyrics aside, this song is setting up another element of Balance by exploring sins of the flesh and addictive behaviors that can be found in so many cities. It is about losing control and giving into your desires, especially in this case with regards to alcohol and drugs. This is one part of the Balance equation, as the next track deals with sins of a different kind. Greed.

Iโ€™ll give VH a C for trying, but โ€œBig Fat Moneyโ€ is a C+ at best.

“Big Fat Money” is a raucous psychobilly freakout of a song. Every member of the band loses their fucking mind by giving all their energy into this burner of a track. Sammy shreds his vocal chords as he rapid-fires phrases, Eddie brings up-tempo blues and ragtime sounds to the forefront, Alex plays double-time almost punk rock beats, and Michael Anthony just slays you with his furious basslines. Furthermore, the element of Balance in relation to the prior track is the other most focused-upon sin in society (Greed). The song shows the destructive nature in a way, however, as you feel like the lyrics hint at somebody losing their mind to their desires that began in Amsterdam and continued to spiral downwards into pure insanity. The balance is the lure of desire and then the destructive after-effects of such desire.

โ€œStrung Outโ€ is a jokey opener to the ballad โ€œNot Enoughโ€.

I look at this track as an example of โ€œchance music.โ€ Much like the music of John Cage and other contemporaries of his, the aleatoric nature of “Strung Out” is based on numerous factors. It is essentially Eddie fucking around with piano strings, but it isnโ€™t a joke in my opinion. If anything, it shows Van Halen willing to ask their listeners what music is, and more importantly, what they should define Van Halen as. It is in every way an experimental, not pop, foray into a new direction.

That fades into โ€œNot Enoughโ€, another balladโ€ฆ Tunes like this made Van Halen seem completely out of touch with what was happening in the 1990s. Within months of its release, Shannon Hoon would overdose, Layne Staley locked into a dance of death with smack, and Richey Edwards of the Manic Street Preachers went missing (presumed dead) after suffering long bouts of depression.

OK, a lot to unpack here. “Not Enough” isnโ€™t a conventional ballad at all. It is about love and, more importantly, the loss of love. It doesnโ€™t show a band out of touch at all, if anything, it shows that they are more in tune than ever. “Not Enough” is about the heart wrenching aspect of loss of someone you love. Period. The music video is somber and yet it also gives you hope. Eddieโ€™s chorus-washed solo is a work of genius and as a whole the song remains the most mature expression of love and loss that I can possibly find in their catalogue.

As for the mentions of Layne Staley and Richey Edwards, I feel that I must interject that Alice In Chains and Manic Street Preachers are two incredibly important bands in my life. Layne spoke to my pain as a longtime sufferer of mental disorders and Richey looked at the world in the same cynical way that I do (plus as a Welsh-American, the Manics are a part of my culture and thus very important on another level to me). This is frankly a low-blow to the album that is unwarranted and patently false.

ย โ€œAftershockโ€ is another hard rocker, nothing embarrassing here, good riff, good melody, good song.ย 

As a drummer this is one of my all-time favorite songs to jam to. The entire song just blows the roof off of everything in its vicinity and remains a testament to just how hard Van Halen can rock. It also, however, brings in that same element of Balance that I speak of. “Not Enough” is about the raw and compassionate feelings of loss, namely in a relationship, but Aftershock is about the rage and bitterness that is likely to follow in the grieving process of a relationship. Both essential. Both a part of Balance.

A pair of instrumentals follow, an interesting touch seeing as Van Halen didnโ€™t do too many instrumentals post-Dave. โ€œDoinโ€™ Timeโ€ is Alex messing around on the drums, which segues straight into โ€œBaluchitheriumโ€.ย 

These two songs are another part of me arguing about the experimental nature of this record. To devote so much time to instrumentals, especially the way they are structured here, is to push the band out of the Billboard 100 arena and into the โ€œthinkingโ€ arena. The band is showing they are incredibly versatile and willing to take risks. Furthermore, guitar and drums are naturally instruments needed in order to balance out the equation of a rock band. Taken a step further, the instruments are played by brothers who are in many ways needed in their personal and professional lives to achieve balance.

Nothing on this record is haphazardly added.

โ€œTake Me Back (Deja Vu)โ€ is a pop song that I donโ€™t mind at all, accented with acoustic guitar.ย 

Itโ€™s a brilliant song with brilliant instrumentation and vocals from Sammy. Also, it fits into the balance equation as it is about longing for better times. The reminiscing for the good times is here because the next track is all about the ugly of the present times.

โ€œFeelin’โ€ is a morose song but with an epic, powerful chorus. It is very different from anything the band had done prior.

The song is a masterpiece. Sammy is singing of a world on fire in every aspect of society as we know it. The song twists and turns with dazzling instrumentals and lyrics that are screamed at the heavens. It is the band completing its evolution into the mature incarnation of the band once known for wanting to “Dance the Night Away”. This would be the last song on the record unless you got it in Japan (more on that in a second), and it brings everything to a close. It is the end of the record, and unfortunately, the beginning of the End for the Hagar years.

If youโ€™re lucky enough to be in Japan, there was one bonus track: this is the groove laden, oddball โ€œCrossing Overโ€. ย Itโ€™s a song about the afterlife and lyrically itโ€™s probably the best tune of the bunch.

I am often called an experimental composer, so I suppose it is no surprise that I love this song and was so disappointed that it took me years after purchasing Balance to find it. I believe that this track completes the cycle started in “The Seventh Seal”. Notice how I talked about every song on the record being related in a balanced symmetry? I believe that “Crossing Over” is the mirror to “The Seventh Seal”. The album opens with nightmares of spiritual chaos, and this track is the completion of such chaos.


So, what do I have to say in closing? This record shows Van Halen at its highest possible output of creativity, and most importantly, its ability to show a deep philosophical approach to its writing never seen before or since. Balance is the culmination of everything that Van Halen was destined to be, and for that reason, it is the best record they ever wrote. Even if you disagree 100 percent with me, or just really hate Sammy Hagar, give this one another chance.

You might be surprised what you find.

5/5 stars