I hope you enjoyed the Week of Flaming Turds here at mikeladano.com. When you amass a large collection of music, you end up with a number of stinkers because “hey, it’s part of the collection”. Collecting could probably be diagnosed as an illness, related to OCD. As a reviewer, I tend to review the music I listen to more often, which is (generally) stuff I like. Hence, a skew towards positive reviews. To break up the monotony I collected some writings about some stinkers this week and put ’em out as the Week of Flaming Turds. And thank you Sarca for the title and logo. She rocks, doesn’t she?
Now that we’re at the end of the week I have three questions, so please feel free to leave a comment.
1. Did you like this theme week?
2. Which of the five do you think stink the most? If applicable, which album do you like most?
Welcome to theWEEK OF FLAMING TURDS! This week we will be looking at a collection of malodorous music. Strike a match, you’ll need it for these stinkers! Let us begin with a story from Getting More Tale.
GETTING MORE TALE #473: Party For Two
I found this old diary entry. Sometimes you don’t need any commentary. So here you go!
Date: 2006/10/05 Title: GOD DAMMIT
Fuck, me. I am listening to Shania Twain.
“Party For Two” with Mark McGrath.
FUCK, ME. I am listening to Shania Twain AND Mark McGrath.
What the fuck has happened to me?
Jesus Christ. I can’t fucking believe this. I used to make fun of my buddy T-Rev who started listening to Shania Twain because his girlfriend liked them. In my case it’s not my girlfriend. She hates Shania Twain. It’s the fucking am radio at work. God damn them to hell and then may Satan skullfuck them until they bleed red scales out of the ears.
I better go put on a Testament or Anthrax CD or something. FAST.
OK fine, I’ll add some commentary. One of the bosses at work dated Shania Twain when she was a teenager named Eilleen. It’s true. As far as I’m concerned, her music still stinks!
GETTING MORE TALE #472: The Fellowship of the Ring
My old man took me to a lot of movies as a kid. The tradition was, I had to see every Star Wars movie in the theater three times. That also went for Raiders of the Lost Ark. When those movies were new, you couldn’t just wait for them to come to home video. You had to see them in the theater and memorize every moment. As he got older, my dad liked going to movies less and less. Actually, he liked going anywhere less and less. He’s also not fond of the loud volume level at a modern movie theater. We can’t drag him out to movies too often. My sister managed to get him to see The Force Awakens. Before that, my last success getting him into a movie theater seat was Avatar.
Now, let’s go back in time 15 years. Peter Jackson’s incredible Lord of the Rings trilogy had finally begun, with Fellowship of the Ring. My dad wasn’t familiar with Tolkien. I was just starting to read his books, starting with Fellowship of the Ring. The movie was obviously going to be a must-see, and it had several actors he liked: Sean Astin, Ian Holm, and especially John Rys Davies. I know we didn’t go opening weekend, so we probably went to see it the following weekend. The theater was busy, packed full of nerds waiting to whip out their preciouses. My dad doesn’t like crowds much so that didn’t help his mood. My mom and I dragged him out, and he was definitely letting us know he wasn’t going willingly.
We got our tickets, found three seats together, and sat directly behind some Tolkien fans who were more excited about it than my dad. Continuing with the complaints, he asked the first question of the night. “How long is this movie?”
I answered casually, “About three hours.”
“Oh dear God. Oh Jesus Christ,” he responded with his head in his hands. “Three hours. Dear Jesus.” He didn’t seem that enthused as he muttered loudly. I could feel people staring at the back of our heads.
He complained through the trailers, but a strange thing happened over the course of the movie. He started to like it. It’s undeniable that Sir Ian McKellan was the Gandalf that everybody wanted to see. He liked seeing old guys like Christopher Lee still on the screen. He liked Frodo. He liked Sean Bean and Viggo Mortensen. But he didn’t know one little minor detail about the film….
We neared the end. The final Orc battle was impressive; expertly orchestrated and shot. It was a marvel to behold at the time. Unfortunately, the Fellowship was now fractured. Boromir was dead. Frodo and Samwise were all alone. Merry and Pippen had been captured by Orcs. All seemed lost. Roll credits.
“That’s it?!” my dad howled. “Why didn’t he just throw the goddamn ring into the fire?!” Now, two girls in the row in front of us were staring him down. “What kind of ending is that? I thought they had to throw the ring in the fire!”
I exlaimed, “They’re still going to throw it in the fire! There’s two more movies still! It’s a trilogy.”
And then, his final complaint. “Two more movies? Oh dear God. Oh Jesus Christ. I have to do this two more times just to see him throw the damn ring into the fire? Why the hell didn’t they just go there and throw it in? I was expecting him to throw it in the fire and that’s it!”
If eyes could shoot daggers, then at least 20 daggers were fired in his direction. I awaited popcorn missiles. We managed to get to the minivan without being attacked by swarms of Elves or even worse, Cave Trolls.
The really amusing denouement is, my dad actually loves Lord of the Rings today. But he loves it right where he likes it: On his widescreen TV, in surround sound, in front of his favourite chair. And that’s alright by me.
What do you think of when you read the words “Canadian rock”? Perhaps you imagine the vocal shrieks and drum thrills of Rush? If you have a negative impression of Canadian music, no doubt your mind drifts to the sultry sounds of Nickelback. Landmark artists from the golden age that you know would include Neil Young, the Guess Who, Bachman-Turner Overdrive, Joni Mitchell, Steppenwolf and countless more.
Canada has always had an inferiority complex when it comes to our southern neighbours, the Americans. In the music world, this is manifested in “CanCon”. Simply put, Canadian radio broadcasters must play at least 40% Canadian content. Starting in 1968, fears that American artists would flood our airwaves resulted in the first CanCon rules. If you have ever bought a Canadian CD, perhaps you have seen the letters MAPL on the back. MAPL is an acronym that determines if content does indeed qualify as Canadian.
M: Music. Did a Canadian write the tune? A: Artist. Is the primary artist a citizen of the Great White North? P: Performance. Was the recording made in Canadian, in a Canadian studio? Or for live albums, was the concert on Canadian soil? L: Lyrics. Separate from the music qualifier, this determines if the lyrics were written by a Canadian.
Controversy erupted in 1991. Bryan Adams had the biggest record of his career, Waking Up the Neighbors, which was co-written by Robert John “Mutt” Lang and recorded overseas. Under the MAPL rules (since tweaked to avoid this situation), Adams did not qualify as CanCon. His manager Bruce Allen was quite vocal against these rules. Allen was never one to mince words, but he sparked a discussion on CanCon rules and how they ultimately hurt Canadian artists. Flooding the airwaves with Canadian songs that weren’t that good was one issue commonly discussed. Another was that some international artists qualified for CanCon by recording in Canada with some of our most in-demand hit-makers such as Jim Vallance or Bruce Fairbairn. Finally, these rules implied a lack of confidence in the strength of our own music.
Some feel that there is a stigma in being Canadian. Though controversial, some feel there is such thing as a “Canadian sound”. While this is obviously not universal, I do think there is something to it. There is a commonality in Canadian bands that defies description. To my ears, the Tragically Hip sound Canadian. BTO and the Guess Who sound Canadian. So does Bryan Adams. I can’t explain it nor do I want to open that can of worms. I think the roots of Canadian rock, going back to Neil Young and the Guess Who, are basic folksy traditional origins. I think this has somehow been passed on in our DNA. This is not always considered a good thing. The alternative rock band I Mother Earth put out their debut album Dig in 1993, utilizing Mike Clink as producer and hoping to break open in the American market. They were hyped as “the next Jane’s Addition”, but they did not want to be openly identified as Canadian in promo materials. They felt that there was indeed a Canadian stigma and they would have more success if their citizenship wasn’t brought up. M.E.A.T Magazine covered this story but were firmly in the pro-Canadian camp.
Here at mikeladano.com, we don’t have to follow CanCon rules, but Canadian content has dominated regardless. I believe that our music is strong enough to stand proudly on its own. We have so much talent in this country. So many incredible songs have emerged from the frozen tundra. Countless incredible, under-appreciated, creative artists: VoiVod, Paul MacLeod, Sloan, Death From Above 1979, Blue Rodeo, Strapping Young Lad, the Trews, Sarah Harmer, Big Sugar…the list truly is endless because great new performers emerge every day. When I worked at the old Record Store, we were fiercely proud Canadians. We put a little Canadian flag sticker on the header cards of every Canadian artist. A lot of customers would say, “I didn’t know that singer was Canadian!”
This week, join me each day for a close look at some good Canadian Rawk albums that you may have missed over the years. Trust me, you do not want to miss these reviews or you may miss a future favourite record. Grab a Timmies or a wobbly pop and get ready to rock!
Do you watch award shows? I don’t — not anymore, anyway. In the Record Store days,we had to keep an eye on this sort of thing. If somebody swept the Grammys, we had to be prepared with inventory. The day after an award show, the requests would circle around the winners and headline-makers. The same still happens today, with much of the post-show sales being downloads. Adele is most grateful.
As a child I was aware that award shows didn’t seem to recognize any music that I liked, but I also knew that didn’t mean squat. It’s nice when a talented artist is honoured for their music, but the Grammys are the same organization who awarded Milli Vanilli with “best new artist”. To even call such commercial product “art” at all is such a deception. They were manufactured from the ground up as a money-making endeavour and nothing more. That was 1990, but the year before was another titanic embarrassment for the besieged awards.
I didn’t watch the ’89 awards but I heard all about it the next day. The following morning, my mom asked me, “Who is Jethro Tull?” I had to confess I didn’t really know. Old guys. “They won best heavy metal,” my mom explained. Who? I was a metal fanatic but I never heard any of their music.
The actual category was best “Hard Rock/Metal” and it was introduced in 1989. The nominees included a couple actual hard rock and heavy metal artists: AC/DC, Tull, Metallica, Jane’s Addiction, and Iggy Pop. Of those bands, I think only two can be consider unambiguously “hard rock” or “heavy metal”. I’m sure the members of Jane’s Addiction didn’t consider themselves either. God knows what Iggy Pop thinks of his music as, since he’s been all over the board. With the benefit of hindsight, we know today that the most important album historically in that category was …And Justice For All by Metallica followed by Jane’s Nothing’s Shocking. Tull’s Crest of a Knave was a good, solid return but hardly “hard rock”. Ian Anderson was gracious but befuddled by it all. Metal fans declared it highway robbery. To them, Metallica was clearly the only band who deserved that trophy that year, and with all due respect to AC/DC and Jane’s Addiction, it is hard to argue with that. …And Justice For All was one of the most challenging albums for the genre, real art, yet it sold millions. Not to mention overcoming the personal tragedy of losing Cliff Burton in that crash a few years before. Plainly, Metallica deserved that award. Fans were livid.
The Grammys furthered their embarrassment by contritely awarding Metallica the “best metal” award for the three years in a row that followed, even when it was not deserved. In 1990 they split “hard rock” and “metal” into two awards, and gave Metallica a trophy for “One”. The real head-shaker was 1991, when Metallica won again for a cover of Queen’s “Stone Cold Crazy” (from Rubáiyát: Elektra’s 40th Anniversary). This little-heard cover beat out stunning new albums by Judas Priest, Anthrax and Megadeth. A single Metallica cover from an obscure compilation CD beat Rust in Peace by Megadeth? Yeah, right. You could not take this seriously. Their streak continued into 1992, when they won the prize for the Black album, Metallica, once again beating Anthrax and Megadeth (and Motorhead and Soundgarden).
Here are some other stunningly bad decisions the Grammys made that you may not be as familiar with. The same year of the Tull debocle, the awards introduced a “best rap” category, but chose not to air them. The Fresh Prince Will Smith compared it to graduating high school but not being allowed on stage to accept your diploma. Not to mention, the “best new artist” award is often a curse. Just ask Hootie and the Blowfish, Debby Boone, Marc Cohn or Milli Vanilli. Then there was the year that Steely Dan beat Radiohead’s Kid A and the Marshall Mathers LP.
What you may not realize is that the Grammy awards were never designed to recognize the raucous and rebellious artists of rock and roll. In fact, they were created to stem the tide. In order to protect “quality” and tradition against the rockers of the 1950’s, the Grammys were created in the mold of the Oscars. And on their very first night, their mission to promote and honour quality music was blown spectacularly. Check out this tale from my Uncle John’s desktop calendar:
Hey, at least Frankie won. But the awards remain as troubled today as when they began.
It’s nice to see artists and albums that you like win awards for their work. Ultimately however the impact is zero. How the music makes you feel is everything.
GETTING MORE TALE (Retro) #469: Stump LeBrain Week, by Aaron!
“Getting More Retro” is a sub-series of my music stories Getting More Tale. I posted this back in March in 2012, when nobody was reading except Aaron and my old boss from the Record Store. Before that, Aaron posted it on the KeepsMeAlive (Feb. 19). And now, for the third time, here’s Stump LeBrain Week!
I had become such a dominating force on the 4 O’Clock 4-Play, my favourite music contest on 107.5 Dave Rocks, that listeners were now writing in 4-Play quizzes specifically to stump me! For a while there it seemed everybody wanted to be the one to put an end to LeBrain’s reign!
Craig had me in the studio for the contest, live on the Craig Fee show, during what he dubbed “Stump LeBrain Week”. Each day that week, I came in at 4 o’clock in order to play the contest on the air. Craig selected five 4-Plays, one for each day. If I answered correctly, I won the prize (I Mother Earth tickets). If I was stumped, the person who wrote the 4-Play question would win the prize.
At the end of the week, I sent Aaron audio CDs of all my appearances minus commercials. He was kind enough to document it in the written word for history. Since very few saw this when I re-posted it at the launch of this site, I’m re-posting it once again for you! Re-use and recycle, baby!
Big thanks to Aaron for listening to all five shows and writing it down, and of course thanks to Craig for giving me the opportunity! Here we go. Ready?
Four-Play #1 (submitted by Chris Cottingham)
01 Motley Crue – Shout At The Devil
01 Mike’s Guess: ‘tracks that were not singles’ (no)
02 Rolling Stones – Brown Sugar
02 Mike’s Guess: ‘bands that have toured with guns ‘n roses’ (no)
* at this point, before Mike’s last guess, it was exposed that the Motley Crue song was supposed to have been Live Wire, which changed everything, and he got it from there.
Comment: He still got it, even with a wrong song played. Improbable? Never! The man is a machine.
Comment: He nailed this one before the first song was even over. Jeez.
Score: Mike is 2/2.
Four-Play #3 (submitted by Kathryn Ladano, Mike’s sister)
01 Rush – Subdivisions
01 Mike’s Guess: ‘album covers with dogs on them’ (no)
02 Neil Young – Rockin’ In The Free World
02 Mike’s Guess: ‘all Canadian artists’ (no)
03 Guess Who – Runnin’ Back To Saskatoon
03 Mike’s Guess: ‘songs about Canadian cities’ (no)
04 Loverboy – Turn Me Loose
04 Mike’s Guess: ‘all artists who sang on Tears Are Not Enough’ (yes!)
Comment:
Broadcasted live from Chicopee ski resort. This was not the Four Play that Kathryn had wanted played, so her confidence at being able to stump her brother was pretty low, at the outset. It shocked me that Mike had never heard the Guess Who song before. I thought everybody knew that song.
03 Mike’s Guess: ‘bands that opened for Sabbath’ (no)
04 Dio – Rainbow In The Dark
04 Mike’s Guess: ‘all four albums covers were paintings with mascots’ (yes!)
Comment: Definitely a HEAVY set, which I thoroughly enjoyed. And Mike nails it. So cool.
Score: Mike is 4/4.
Four-Play #5 (submitted by Nick Byerjean sp?)
01 KISS – Beth
01 Mike’s Guess: ‘songs that originated as b-sides’ (no)
01 Mike’s Extra Guess: ‘no members of the band played on the track’ (no)
01 Mike’s Extra Guess: ‘crappy songs from great albums’ (no)
02 Guns ‘N Roses – Used To Love Her
02 Mike’s Guess: ‘single monikered album titles’ (no)
02 Mike’s Extra Guess: ‘songs with unusual percussion’ (no)
02 Mike’s Extra Guess: ‘songs people think is about one thing, but it’s about something else” (no)
02 Mike’s Extra Guess: ‘acoustic ballads’ (no)
03 Aerosmith – Angel
03 Mike’s Guess: ‘bands led by duos’ (no)
03 Mike’s Extra Guess: ‘bands who shortened their name from something longer (no)
03 Mike’s Extra Guess ‘all are bands from America’ (no)
04 Slash with Andrew Stockdale – By The Sword
04 Mike’s Guess: ‘songs released in even numbered years’ (no)
04 Mike’s Extra Guess: ‘all albums released in leap years’ (no)
04 Mike’s Extra Guess: ‘songs released in Canadian-hosted Olympic years’ (yes!)
Comment: OK, that was RIDICULOUS. Hearing him work through that last one was incredible. Even with all the extra guesses, that answer was from so far out of left field. Wow.
We will return to theDeep Purple Projectafter this instalment of Getting More Tale.
GETTING MORE TALE #468: The Lies of Ian
I feel blessed to have grown up in the 1980’s. What an era! It was the age of Star Wars, Van Halen, Dio, GI Joe, and Transformers. We had the A-Team and Magnum PI fighting on the side of good. By the end of the decade, hard rock had hit another major peak again (before being dethroned by grunge in 1991). It was a good time to be in school. In fact I would argue it was the best time to be in school.
I spent nine years, from Kindergarten to grade eight, in the same place: St. Anthony Daniel Catholic school. Or, as my sister used to call it, the “Hell Hole”. I lived in a great time to be in school; too bad I went to a shite school! The bullies were mean and the teachers did not give one shit — not even one. In fact the teachers often exacerbated the situation by embarrassing the shy and fragile in obvious loud ways, giving the bullies more ammunition come recess time.
It was in this environment that I befriended Ian Johnson, a kid with a pretty wild imagination. He was a good guy, we had birthday parties together and sleepovers and went to movies. We played a lot of Star Wars. His dad made Star Wars “tables”: giant playsets of Dagobah and the Death Star, built out of actual tables with bits cut out. Ian was definitely the only kid around who had one of those! He was also the only kid in class who claimed to have ninjas training in his basement.
Ian Johnson lived in a townhouse. He did not have a basement.
We would walk home from school together, usually in a small group with one or two other kids. Ian was well known for his tall tales. He would swear up and down that every word was true. If that is the case, I have some startling news to share with the world!
1. It was not Walt Disney that came up with the ideas for Bambi. It was in fact Ian Johnson who gave Disney the idea to make it. Please don’t scrutinize the timeline of events too closely. Ian said it; it had to be true.
2. Ian was a mathematician. He was one of the world’s leading mathematicians. When I asked him why he failed the math quiz in class, it was because he was “not an expert in math that hasn’t been invented yet.” (That would be long division.)
3. He had a squad of ninjas training in his basement. Below his townhouse, he had a training facility several storeys deep. The exact depth changed from tale to tale. The main takeaway from this is that Ian had a huge concrete ninja bunker full of the deadliest weaponry hiding under his townhouse in suburban Kitchener, Ontario. This one, nobody bought. We’d fallen for some of his lies before but this one was just too big and fat to swallow. We nodded and smiled because to question Johnson’s stories would lead to endless arguing.
4. Ian knew George Lucas. He had read Star Wars episodes I, II and III. He knew what happened in them and described it in great detail. There was an encounter between Jabba the Hutt and Han Solo, setting up the bounty on Solo’s head. The level of detail made this one hard to disbelieve. Solo took a shot at Jabba with his blaster, who jumped out of the way, dodging the bolt. Indeed early versions of Jabba the Hutt before 1983 did have legs. He also described a sequence including creatures called “stonemites”. Solo was hiding in a cave full of these things which could eat through stone like termites through wood. It wasn’t until 2002 that I learned Ian had lifted these elements wholesale from Marvel Comics’ Star Wars issue #28, from 1979. That’s why his descriptions were so clear and believable. It was things like this that made it hard to tell when Johnson was lying or telling the truth.
5. Mixing half-truths with fiction, Ian told us all how he knew Brian Vollmer of Helix. I later confirmed this part of the story to be true. Back in Record Store Tales Part 2: Gimme an R! we talked in great detail about a time when Helix were local legends in these parts. I confirmed with Vollmer myself that he did live on Breckenridge Drive in Kitchener, three doors down from Johnson, exactly as Ian described it. He would often point to the Vollmers’ townhouse as we rode by on our bikes, but there was rarely anyone home. Ian also described a Christmas card that Brian Vollmer received from Blackie Lawless of W.A.S.P. This also turned out to be a true story. I recognized the card when Brian added a picture of it to the official Helix website. Again, it was exactly as Johnson told us. What was not true is that Ian took credit for the “Gimme Gimme Good Lovin'” music video. “That music video was my idea,” claimed Ian. “I was talking to Brian Vollmer and I told him, ‘what you really need is a video with lots and lots of girls in it.'”
I will give Ian Johnson credit for one thing, which is while I was still listening to Iron Maiden and Kiss, he had discovered a newer heavier band called Metallica. They only had two albums out, Kill ‘Em All and Ride the Lightning. “Have you ever heard Metallica?” he asked me. “You will.” He brought the tapes to school and played a track or two. Giving credit when it’s due, Ian was the first kid I knew to have heard of Metallica. He was on top of his heavy metal.
That is, until 1986. That is when Ian Johnson dropped the metal and went full-bore new wave. “Girls don’t like heavy metal,” he explained to me during a heated argument. Girls. PAH! Like many kids, Ian turned from friend to bully later in school.
This one is for Ian Johnson wherever you are. I’m sure he’s still out there, consulting Disney on the new Star Wars movie backed by a squad of fully trained ninjas.
Do you like a good hamburger? No? How about the best veggie burger around? If you answered “yes” to either question, but do not live in Canada, then kick yourself because that means you don’t get any Harvey’s.
The story is only tangentdentally related to Record Store Tales but the core of it is all about customer service.
According to my journals, this story took place on July 27 2005, a Wednesday. I didn’t normally work the night shift at the Record Store on a Wednesday but that week I did. I had a rotten start to the day — I had been trying to sell some magazines on eBay to some idiot who couldn’t seem to provide a valid mailing address. That morning, he emailed me to complain the magazines hadn’t arrived yet. A couple hours later, they came back to me in the mail for the second time! “Undeliverable” because the address wasn’t right. I asked him for a new address because the prior one he gave me was no good, but he just gave me the same one again. I refunded his money; to hell with that guy!
Working that afternoon and evening, there were no bosses in the office to breath down my neck, which always helped the day go smoother. I decided to treat myself to a take out burger on my way home that night, so of course that meant a stop at Harvey’s. I’m pretty easy to please; I almost always order the same thing. That night it was a double original with bacon and cheese. My toppings are (in order) lettuce, tomatoes, pickles and mayonnaise. Lots of mayo. No ketchup, no mustard. That’s my burger — the LeBrain burger. That week they were doing a promotion where you got a free candy bar with your combo.
I pulled into the drive through, usually a dull experience. However, as I’m ordering my combo five, the guy says, “Sorry sir we’re all sold out of that.” A pause; I’m baffled how they could be out of original burgers and bacon. He quickly came back on. “I’m just kidding, combo five.” Then he asked what candy bar I wanted. “Sorry sir we’re all sold out of that.” He laughed and then said, “Just kidding, drive through for your Snickers bar and combo five.”
I thought that was pretty funny. I talked to the guy at the takeout window for a few minutes as they made my burger, and it was a nice little chat. Some guy earlier told him to “fuck off” about some mustard that wasn’t supposed to be on a burger, so he was just trying to lighten up his night a bit. Lord knew, I got that! I had enough bad experiences slinging the rock at the Record Store. When you work behind the counter anywhere, you’re a target for abuse. There’s no excuse for telling somebody to “fuck off” when they’re in customer service, but it happens and it sucks. A little levity doesn’t hurt. At least he picked the right guy to joke around with in me. Humour is a fine line. If he had the wrong person at the drive through, he could have ended up with some humourless bastard who wanted to speak to the manager about the joker working there. When in doubt, err on the side of caution!
That chance encounter brightened up my night and I made sure he knew that. In my journal I noted that I drove home, listening to Stand Up by Jethro Tull and thinking it may have been the greatest British rock album of all time. Hot beef and hot rock, I was in a great mood. And that brings us back full circle to the rock.
Treat those who work in retail with the respect a human being deserves. Just because you’re the customer doesn’t give you the right to be a jackass.
And now a selection of Harvey’s burgers, from some of my favourite people. Each burger is a beautiful thing in itself!
The Greg burger: Bacon, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, pickles and onions.
The Mike Lukas: Ketchup, mustard, pickles, relish, onions.
The Uncle Richard: Onions, mushrooms*, cheese, bacon, and mild banana pepper rings with mayo, mustard, and ketchup.
The D-Law: “Seriously, I put EVERYTHING on it!”
The Angela: Not a vegetarian, but preferring Harvey’s (excellent) veggie patty, here’s the Angela burger. Veggie with mustard, ketchup, BBQ sauce, pickles, tomato, onion, lettuce and hot peppers, sometimes cheese. “Perhaps next time I’ll try bacon on it. I’m thinking that would be a unique order!”
The JT: Everything except mayo and ketchup…triple pickle.
The Tiffany: Original with cheese and bacon, lettuce, tomato, onion, ketchup, mustard and mayo. “Now I want one…”
The Scott: Bacon, cheese, onions, two slices of pickle, a little lettuce, mayo, ketchup, and hot sauce. “I like my burger sloppy.”
The Mandy: Cheeseburger with ketchup, mustard, relish, mayo, lettuce and extra, extra pickles.
The Mrs. LeBrain: Double original, with ketchup, little bit of mustard, extra onions (“I miss the old white ones – purple isn’t right”) and pickles.
The Danny: Double original, lettuce, ketchup, mustard, mayo, pickles!
The Chris: “I usually get everything with double relish!”
And the Cliff, otherwise known as the Party Pooper: “Totally hate the place. Last time I was in the drive thru they charged me six bucks for a cheeseburger with ketchup (not a combo). And they didn’t blink. I also think their meat sucks. Much prefer Dairy Queen. Sorry for the rant, but I did want to voice a ‘none of the above’ vote in your topping selection.” [Vote counted sir!]
*Mushrooms generally only available on special seasonal burgers such as the Swiss mushroom melt.
“Another lovely day begins, for ghosts and ghouls with greenish skin. So close your eyes and you will find that you’ve arrived in Frightenstein. Perhaps the Count will find a way to make his monster work today. For if he solves this monster-mania, he can return to Transylvania! So welcome where the sun won’t shine, to the castle of Count Frightenstein!” – Vincent Price
GETTING MORE TALE #466: Clap for the Wolfman
I surely cannot be the only person in the world who heard of rock and roll because of the legendary radio DJ Wolfman Jack…although mine was in a roundabout way!
The irresistibly gravel-voiced Wolfman Jack was born in 1938 as Robert Smith. A love of classic horror led to the creation of the Wolfman character. He played rock and roll records from a high-powered transmitter on the Mexico border. So powerful was the signal that Jack claimed “Birds dropped dead when they flew too close to the tower.” On a clear night, listeners in the Soviet Union could hear the Wolfman half a world away.
Killing birds and eating records, the Wolfman really came to fame when tapes of his broadcasts were used for radio syndication. By selling his tapes world-wide, Jack could be heard on over 2000 stations at his peak. The Wolfman character became synonymous with rock and roll no matter where you lived.
American Graffiti: Richard Dreyfuss and Wolfman Jack
I was too young to know of Wolfman Jack directly. I was even too young for American Graffiti, the 1973 George Lucas classic about the cruising scene in Modesto California circa the summer of ’62. Wolfman Jack made a memorable appearance as himself, and did radio DJ intros for most of the tunes through the movie. This however was preceded by a 1971 Canadian kid’s comedy show called The Hilarious House of Frightenstein. Similarly to of the syndication that made the Wolfman a smash success, Frightenstein was on TV well into the 70’s and 80’s, even though all the episodes were made in 1971. Via Frightenstein, I learned who the Wolfman was.
Because of the endless re-runs, there was no way for young Canadian kids to miss it. Before we had cable, it was one of the few shows we could reliably get, both at home and at the cottage, as it was broadcast from Hamilton Ontario. Billy Van played almost every character himself: Grizelda the Witch, the Librarian, Dr. Pet Vet, Bwana Clyde Batty (a British explorer who ran the “Zany Zoo”), and many more. Van’s most memorable character however had to be The Wolfman – an actual wolfman radio DJ inspired by Jack, down to the gravelly voice and wolf howls! The Wolfman would spin classic rock and roll records each show, accompanied by psychedelic images of him dancing and playing air guitar with the character of Igor, played by Fishka Rais. (The huge Rais was one of very few additional actors on the show. Vincent Price and Professor Julius Sumner Miller recorded all their parts over the course of the summer of 1971. And let’s not forget Guy Big, as the Midget Count!)
When the Wolfman’s segments would begin, you would know it immediately. His theme song was “I Wanna Take You Higher” by Sly and the Family Stone. “I am the Wolfman! Ah-oooooooo!” he would howl at the start of his show. He would play “golden oldies” by the Stones and other classic rock and roll artists, on his radio station “EECH”. He would tell callers that he was “fangtastic”. (The “golden oldies” concept was brilliant. Even if he was playing a fairly recent Stones single, he’d call it a “golden oldie”, thus ensuring that the show seemed current even when being broadcast in, say, 1986. Planning and syndication!)
One of the few Youtube clips featuring original audio and music.
So there I was, a young kid sitting on the basement floor during Canadian winter, playing with Lego and watching this pretty low-budget kid’s show, when suddenly this wolfman appeared! “I am the Wolfman! Ahooooooo!” I didn’t know the music. I’d never heard Sly and the Family Stone. They were great! I was hooked. I even made my own tapes of the Wolfman. I played the Wolfman…and all the other characters. I had him battling Star Wars composer John Williams for chart superiority! Fortunately, these tapes no longer exist!
I had no idea yet that Billy Van’s Wolfman was based on a real person. That came later, probably through my parents, as I learned more about rock and roll. All I knew was that he was a fun character who played good songs. “I Wanna Take You Higher” was an early favourite. The Stones made a strong impression. He also played Mungo Jerry. I didn’t like the slow songs. Unfortunately due to the legal rights involved, “I Wanna Take You Higher” had to be replaced on the DVD versions. Rights could only be obtained to release a few episodes on disc. (Most of the Youtube clips you will find are overdubbed versions with different music, and a new voice, since Billy Van had passed away before the DVDs were released.)
Wolfman Jack himself appeared on many television shows and records over the years. After American Graffiti, he appeared in the ill-advised sequel, which flopped. TV loved him; he even guested on Battlestar Galactica’s spinoff series Galactica 1980. Notably, in 1974 he appeared as himself on The Guess Who’s classic single “Clap for the Wolfman”, a memorable tribute featuring plenty of the Wolfman’s trademark growl. His influence trickled down, creating waves far exceeding the radio broadcasts that once reached Russia. Via these tributes to his accomplishments, the Wolfman served to introduce rock and roll music to new generations, either via TV and movies or Billy Van’s character inspired by him. Clap for the Wolfman indeed!
My favourite half-hour of every day used to be 4 PM, on 107.5 Dave Rocks. The Craig Fee Show. Craig’s still slinging the rock, but the contest came to an end on April 27, 2012. It was a fun challenge and since I dominated the contest so much, I earned the nickname “LeBrain”. Craig would play four songs with a common thread. The thread could be absolutely anything. I won more times and more quickly than anyone else, including two first-song-guesses. I also contributed dozens of 4-Plays of my own construction.
Back then, when nobody was reading, I posted a week’s worth of 4-play quizzes “live”, so to speak. Craig featured a week of my own custom made quizzes, (following LeBrainuary and a few prior LeBrain weeks) just before they put the contest on ice. From April 16-19 2012, I updated the site with the quiz and that day’s results. Since my only readers back then were stalkers from the old Record Store, I thought it would be fun to re-post these!
Here are my daily update posts from that week — a week’s worth of 4-Play quizzes written by yours truly. Could you have been a winner?
April 16, 2012
Woah Nelly!
Tune in ALL WEEK to the Craig Fee Show on 107.5 Dave FM, at 4 pm!!
IT’S LeBRAIN WEEK! The 4 O’clock 4-Play! And it was off to a KICKING start this week!
Song #1: Skid Row – 18 & Life
Song #2: Twisted Sister – The Price
Song #3: U2 – Bullet The Blue Sky
Song #4: Kiss – I Was Made For Loving You
Answer (highlight to view): All artists have done MUSICALS (Jeckyl & Hyde, Rock of Ages, Spiderman, Phantom!)
CAN YOU OUT-BRAIN LeBRAIN?
April 17, 2012
Tune in ALL WEEK to the Craig Fee Show on 107.5 Dave FM, at 4 pm!! It’s LeBRAIN WEEK all week!
Today’s 4-play:
Song #1: Deep Purple – Smoke on the Water
Song #2: Rainbow – Stone Cold
Song #3: Bon Jovi – Livin’ on a Prayer
Song #4: Journey – Separate Ways
Answer (highlight to view): All five piece bands (on these recordings, anyway) of the v/g/b/d/k configuration!
Incidentally, two of those bands spent some time as four pieces.
Bon Jovi has been a four piece since 1994 when original bassist Alec John Such left. He was unofficially replaced by Hugh McDonald, but McDonald remains a side musician even after 18 years with the band! Journey was a four piece for a short while, on the second and third albums.
CAN YOU OUT-BRAIN LeBRAIN?
April 18, 2012
Tune in ALL WEEK to the Craig Fee Show on 107.5 Dave FM, at 4 pm!! It’s LeBRAIN WEEK all week!
Today’s 4-play:
Song #1: Bon Jovi – Runaway
Song #2: The Rolling Stones – Emotional Rescue
Song #3: Kiss – Magic Touch
Song #4: The Darkness – I Believe In A Thing Called Love
Answer (highlight to view): All songs featuring falsetto vocals!
Note: I have never heard Magic Touch on the radio before today!
April 19, 2012
Tune in ALL WEEK to the Craig Fee Show on 107.5 Dave FM, at 4 pm!! It’s LeBRAIN WEEK all week!
Today’s 4-play:
Song #1: The Beatles – A Day in the Life
Song #2: Pink Floyd – Comfortably Numb
Song #3: Kiss – Shout It Out Loud
Song #4: Kiss – Black Diamond
Answer (highlight to view): Each song features performances by two lead vocalists singing different parts!
Lennon sings the start, and Paul sings the finish on A Day in the Life. Roger sings the verses, with David on the choruses. Gene and Paul trade off some lines. Paul sings the intro, Peter sings the body of Black Diamond.
Incidentally, Black Diamond is one I have never heard on the radio before.
April 20, 2012
I want to say a big THANK YOU to Craig at 107.5 Dave FM, for yet another fantastic LeBrain week. I think this is the third LeBrain week, and of course all of February was LeBrainuary!
To cap it off for me, Craig picked my favourite 4-play. Would you have solved it?
Today’s 4-play:
Song #1: Guns N’ Roses – You Could Be Mine
Song #2: Ozzy Osbourne – Mama I’m Coming Home
Song #3: Motley Crue – Girls, Girls, Girls
Song #4: Hanoi Rocks – Boulevard of Broken Dreams
ANSWER (highlight to view): Vince Neil is a Douche!
1. Guns N’ Roses – You Could Be Mine (Vince and Izzy got into a backstage scuffle with led to a longstanding rivalry with Axl Rose.) 2. Ozzy Osbourne – Mama I’m Coming Home (Vince started a feud with the “Mama” of this song – Sharon Osbourne which basically makes it a feud with Ozzy too. He trashed her in his book. And you know Sharon doesn’t back down.) 3. Motley Crue – Girls Girls Girls (What Vince, where? FIRED that’s where! And let’s not forget the MTV interview with the Crue where they mocked Vince Neil for hitting a coral reef while surfing.) 4. Hanoi Rocks – Boulevard of Broken Dreams (Vince killed their friggin’ drummer!)
That last one is still one of my all-time favourites! I hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane and some killer tunes.
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