The Adventures of Tee Bone Man – Chapter Five: The Super Duper Vault (By John from 2Loud2OldMusic)

By John T. Snow (2Loud2OldMusic)

After the conclusion of the epic Leafs / Bruins game, the television at Deke’s Palace switched over to Breaking News.  This caused our heroes Tee Bone Man and Superdekes to perk up from their drunken scotch stupor.  As he rose, Tee Bone Man said, “I hope this isn’t something we need to be involved in, because I feel like crap”.  Superdekes responded “And you look like it too!”  Which caused Tee Bone Man to throw his empty bottle of scotch, just missing Superdekes’ head and shattering against the basement wall.

The announcer spoke.  ”Reports are coming in from around the world of robberies of famous music memorabilia, and all by an army of Demons that call themselves Knights in Satan’s Service, and yes:  they look like the members of the band Kiss.  The army has absconded with Eddie Van Halen’s Frankenstrat guitar, ZZ Top’s 1933 Ford Coupe, the Wu Tang Clan’s Once Upon a Time in Shaolin album, and even Madonna’s wedding dress from her MTV Music Awards performance, to name only a handful of what has been stolen.”

Superdekes laughed, “Who the hell would want Madonna’s wedding dress?”

Meanwhile in Hell, Satan was prancing around in Madonna’s wedding dress when one of his evil minions stormed into his office.  The minion’s jaw dropped open slamming to the floor with a thunderous thud and before he could recover, Satan turned around.  If he turned a shade a red from embarrassment we will never know due to the fact he was already red to begin with. He screamed with anger, ”Do you not know how to knock?” and with one fell swoop of his hand, the minion was incinerated.  He slammed the door shut, took off his dress and put it back with his ever-growing memorabilia collection.  He stashed it right next to his autograph of Tee Bone Man and Superdekes, which were his prized possessions up to this point.

But there was still an empty spot, and it burned at him through the back of his mind.  A special spot for the one piece that he hadn’t yet collected, and for him, it was going to be his new prized possession…after he stole it of course!  It was an item by a musician that was almost as evil as he was, almost as self-absorbed as he was, and almost as beautiful as was…nah…I made that last part up.  The prize was from none other than Gene Simmons of Kiss, and it was his most precious new collectible…The Super Duper Vault.  At over 2 storeys tall, it came with a life size robot of Gene, a pack of Kiss Kondoms, one black diamond, a useless coin with Gene’s picture engraved in it, a book with mostly pictures since his fans generally can’t read, as well as 666 CDs of unreleased music.  There is only one in the world and it cost over $10,000,000.  Only one person owns it and he is known only as “The Snowman”.

Satan called forth his demon army, Knights in Satan’s Service.  “Set forth upon the Earth and bring me back The Super Duper Vault at once.  Go to Charlotte, North Carolina and find this ‘Snowman’ character, and bring me The Super Duper Vault.  Kill him if you must as we have ‘nothing to lose’.”  With a few grunts and ack-ack’s, the demons were off!

Back in Charlotte, the Snowman was putting the finishing touches on his Super Duper Vault display.  He had to buy the house next door and gut it by removing the 2nd floor just so it would fit inside.  Of course, he had to first remove the roof, place the Super Duper Vault in the house with a crane and put the roof back on top.  But when you have crazy money and are stupid enough to spend $10,000,000 on noise, anything is possible.  Including his security system…a horde of actual living snowmen that surround the house, lightsabers in tow, ready to protect the precious Super Duper Vault.  Yes, when you have this much money you can make actual working lightsabers which had the stamp of approval from George Lucas himself.

As the Snowman exited the 2nd house, the sun seemed to disappear! Smoke began rising from all around and plumes of flames were shooting out randomly.  The snowman army quickly went on alert.  The smoke turned in to a purple haze, and out stepped Satan’s demon agents, led by an effeminate guy with a purple aura around him that made him look like Paul Stanley from Kiss.   Except he didn’t have a star over his right eye, this one had a pentagram.  He was wearing black leather pants and a dark sweater….no, wait, that’s just his chest hair!  He looked at the Snowman and his pathetic snowman army and laughed.  The demon said…”We’re gonna get this place…Hotter Than Hell”!  With that, the temperature started rising.  The snowman brigade started melting!

The Snowman scratched his head and said…”maybe an army of snowmen wasn’t the smartest thing in the world.”

Demon Paul turned to the Snowman and asked “Has anyone told you that you look like Richard Dreyfuss?”  The Snowman replied, “No, no one has ever told me that before.”  The Snowman was a silver fox with a stylish trimmed beard just like Dreyfuss.  He had more money than brains (unlike Dreyfuss who had equal amounts of both).  He always wasted his money and trivial things like over-sized collectibles.

He immediately flipped open his cellphone and dialed the emergency number to a couple of dudes he thought might be able to help.  Tee Bone Man and Superdekes!  He spoke into the phone urgently.  “Tee Bone Man and Superdekes, please come quickly!  The Knights in Satan’s Service have arrived and are trying to take my Super Duper Vault”.

After a short pause, Superdekes responded!  “Dude, don’t you have a security system to protect it?  We’re busy drinking.” He took another swig of scotch.

The Snowman answered, “Yes, I had an army of snowmen, but the demons melted them.”

Superdekes shook his head and mumbled, ”Man, what an idiot,” before responding.  “Okay, we will be right there. I’ll jump on my flying motorcycle and Tee Bone Man will just fly,” He said with a note of jealousy.  “Hang tight.”  The flying thing was still sticking in Superdekes’ craw apparently.

The demon army stepped further into the light.  There was a real evil looking one that carried an axe and his aura was red and went by the name Demon Gene.  He was dressed in body armor that was extremely dented, and sported a pair of bat wings.  There was a feline one that had a couple of small drum sticks and had a green aura.  Demon Peter’s feline face was way more vicious looking, with actual whiskers, a tail and a trail of blood seeping from his lips.  There were two with a blue aura, Demon Ace and Demon Tommy.  The first of the two walked through the smoke with a cockiness that was somehow so cool.  The second just mimicked his every move, but not cool at all. They were wearing blue and silver outfits that looked like an almost extraterrestrial material.  It did not look man made.  Both carried rocket-shooting guitars.  Finally, there was a guy with what looked like a golden cross over his face, and he wielded a guitar too. Demon Vinnie kept stepping in front of everybody like he was supposed to be in charge.  Together, they were a sight like no one had ever seen before on this Earth.

The demon army advanced shooting rockets from the guitars and the Demon Gene shot fire from his ass. The Snowman grabbed his own lightsaber and deflected many of the shots coming from the demon horde. Luckily, within minutes of making the call, Tee Bone Man and Superdekes had arrived and they arrived in style.  Tee Bone Man had his superhero suit on and his VH logo mask.  He also had a vintage Gibson strapped across his back.

Tee Bone Man came flying down and knocked the legs out from under Demon Paul.  The demon got up and screamed “Okay, now you’ve done it, I will have to pull out my Love Gun”.  And with that, Tee Bone Man whipped out his own gun, which was his guitar, and played a killer riff that laid to waste the Demon Paul.  Purple goo oozed from every orifice, and he melted into the Earth.

Only a half second behind Tee Bone Man was his trusty sidekick, Superdekes sporting a brand new Envy of None T-Shirt and blue jeans.  Superdekes’ motorcycle ran over the Demon Peter and squashed him like a bug.  But he got up and laughed it off…”Stupid human, I have 9 lives”.

Before Superdekes could respond, a burst of flames were shot at him from the Demon Gene.  Superdekes fell backwards and tripped over a randomly placed log.  He picked up the log and threw it at the Demon Gene right when he was about to shoot another burst of flames from his ass.  The log crashed right into his butt and clogged that hole and as a result, Demon Gene exploded into a million tiny demon pieces.  Superdekes did a superhero pose and said “I guess I put my log in your fireplace” as Tee Bone Man turned around and jokingly said “Burn Bitch Burn”.  The Snowman just shook his head and gave a massive groan.

The attack intensified!  The Vinnie demon with the cross looking thing on his face stepped forward and played a wailing solo on his guitar, which shot rockets at Tee Bone Man, just barely missing him.  Tee Bone Man whipped his own guitar around, and gave it right back to him and then some!  Demon Vinnie fell backwards, and then both Demon Ace and Demon Tommy jumped forward and ripped solos that sent bolts of lightning through the Snowman.  He flew through the air, crashing into his house (the first one).  He got up and said, “Man, those idiots just shocked me!”  Tee Bone Man started playing his favourite solo, “Eruption”, but he was rudely interrupted by Demon Vinnie again.  Tee Bone Man screamed, “So, you want to do another solo, huh!  Well not here pal!”  A rocket shot from his guitar, blowing up the cross-faced demon, slaughtering him once and for all.

Seconds later, Demon Peter went in for Superdekes and the Snowman.  Snowman threw Superdekes a laser pointer!  Superdekes screamed “What the Hell?”.  The Snowman yelled, “Point it in front of him. It will distract him.”  And sure enough, Demon Peter froze, saw the light and pounced on it.  Without hesitation, Superdekes moved it swiftly to the left…Demon Peter followed instinctively.  He moved it to the right and the same thing. He moved it up, down, zigzag and really fast back and forth. Sure enough, Demon Peter chased after it stupidly.  Snowman grabbed a can of CatNip and poured it all over the ground. Superdekes led Demon Peter straight to the CatNip.  Demon Peter smelled it, jumped in it, rolled around and suddenly started purring. He was so high at this point. The Snowman went over and scratched Demon Peter behind the ears and the Giant Demon cat rubbed up against him and rolled over for his belly to be rubbed.  Superdekes and The Snowman tamed the wild beast.

There were only two demons left now:  Demon Ace and Demon Tommy.  They were trading solos back and forth with Tee Bone Man, each firing rockets and lasers at each other.  The Ace demon would play a riff with so much feel, impressing the hell out of Tee Bone Man.  The other would try and copy him, but it was always too technical, lacking in heart and soul.  Suddenly, Demon Ace turned towards Demon Tommy.  Looking extremely annoyed, he blasted Demon Tommy for constantly copying everything he did.  He said, “There can be only one!  And that is the original.”

Tee Bone Man looked puzzled, but kept on pummelling Demon Ace with his solos.  Fingers flew faster and faster, and then Demon Ace started to look weary and tired.  The scotch-powered Tee Bone Man was smiling, laughing, and having the time of his life.  Finally the last remaining demon’s fingers started smoking, and he spontaneously ignited and dissolved into ashes right in front of them all.

Tee Bone Man exhaled, put down his guitar and said, “Man, now I could use a bottle of scotch!”

The Snowman replied, “I’m sorry. All I have is some Cold Gin.”.

Superdekes smiled and said, “Man, what an idiot.”

The three were suddenly startled by a massive explosion!  From the smoke, Satan himself appeared.  He froze as he saw Tee Bone Man and Superdekes standing there ready to fight.  “Woah, Woah! Hold on there guys.  I’m not going to hurt you.”

Superdekes asked “Then why are you here…do you want another autograph?”

“No, No.  Nothing like that”, Satan explained.  “I am only here to plea with the Snowman, to let me listen to the music.  It is not fair you are the only one that can hear it.”

The Snowman smiled, “Sure man!  C’mon on in and let’s crank this mother.”

Tee Bone stood in amazement.  “Once again, I have to say it.  Why didn’t he just ask first?”  He shook his head.  Satan’s gonna Satan.

Emerging from his second house with a CD player, and disc 1 of 666, the Snowman plugged in and pressed play.  He and Satan sat listening in strange silence.  Some unreadable facial expressions raced across Satan’s face, only to disappear as suddenly as they appeared.  After two and a half songs, Satan stood up and screamed. “This is pure and utter crap!  You can have it all to yourself. I’m outta here!”  And just like that Satan was gone!

Everyone laughed.  The Snowman thanked both Tee Bone Man and Superdekes for their help.  “You’re welcome Snowman, but rethink your security detail next time,” advised Superdekes.  He got on his bike, while Tee Bone Man strapped his guitar to his back preparing for flight.  But as they were getting ready to leave, Tee Bone Man turned and asked the Snowman, “Has anyone told you that you look like Richard Dreyfuss?”

NEXT TIME:  Tee Bone Man Goes to Camp!

REVIEW: Def Leppard – Best Of (UK 2004)

Part Twenty-Nine of the Def Leppard Review Series

DEF LEPPARD – Best Of (2004 Mercury UK)

Nine years after Vault, why not another “best of” collection?  And why not make it a double?  And a “limited edition” too?

The approach was all but perfect for Def Leppard’s double Best Of.  Except when you look at it in hindsight.  You always need some bait, and this time the bait was an unreleased new track.  Suggested by Phil for a forthcoming covers album, Leppard recorded “Waterloo Sunset” by the Kinks, and quite well in fact.  The problem was it was going to be re-released in two years on 2006’s Yeah!.  So we spent all that money on one new track that we were going to end up re-buying in two years.  Hard to justify.

Fortunately, “Waterloo Sunset” is an excellent version.  It defies expectation in fact.  Phil and Vivian sound absolutely stellar on guitar, with warm tones.  It’s soft, laid back, and Joe Elliott nails the lead vocal in his own style.  It does sound like Def Leppard, but it does not sound like them bastardizing the Kinks in any way.  It sounds just fine, like a Waterloo sunset!

The compilation kind of plays as if disc one was the “greatest hit” and disc two is the “bonus disc”.  The first disc is almost an exact repeat of the UK version of Vault., with only slight differences.  It opens with the “video version” of “Pour Some Sugar On Me”, and then rolls through a what’s-what of Leppard hits.  Every song, in order, from the UK Vault, until you get to track 10.  Originally “Foolin'”, track 10 was swapped for “Action”.  Then for track 11, they inserted the recent ballad “Long, Long Way To Go”, a good selection.  “Make Love Like A Man” is also wedged in here, which let’s face it, most of us can do without.  The Vault tracklisting then resumes, with “Armageddon It” through to the end, but minus “Miss You In A Heartbeat”.  “Foolin'” eventually appears on CD Two, but “Miss You In A Heartbeat” does not.  In the end, CD One is two songs longer, and overall a better listen than the original UK Vault.

CD Two is the one that hardcore fans will enjoy more.  “Rock! Rock!”, what an opening number.  “Promises” is the only inclusion from Euphoria, and justifiably so.  Then you get “Slang” for a double dose of fun, and then the melancholy “Foolin'”.  An unfortunate inclusion is the morose “Now” from the X album, but it’s worth sitting through to get to “Rock Brigade” from the debut.  That’s an odd transition, by the way.  From Lep’s latest with programming and loops and bleeps and bloops, to their early hard riffing stuff.  Very weird.  Sounds like two different bands presented that way.

Every single track after the dull “Now” is a killer.  “Women” wasn’t on Vault.  Strange, right?  Rectified here.  Then onto “Let It Go”, the killer “Too Late For Love”, and “High ‘N’ Dry”.  A trifecta of perfect right there.  The disc takes a turn to the modern side again on “Work It Out”, but at least this track isn’t a waste of space.  It might not fit with the early Lep songs so well, but it has integrity and wickedly choppy guitars.  When it fades, we go into “Billy’s Got A Gun” which ups the Pyromania factor a notch.  “Hit and Run” and the ever-loved “Wasted” bring more of that old-school vibe, but sandwiched between them is the ballad “Stand Up (Kick Love Into Motion)”.  A great ballad and highlight of the disc, but in an odd setting to be sure.

Following “Wasted”, the disc closer is “Die Hard the Hunter”, another strange choice.  Would “Billy’s Got A Gun” not made for a better closer?  Or even “Wasted”?  Probably.  Good song, but in the wrong position for sure.  It’s just not the kind that closes an album.  It’s more the kind that closes a side (which it did on Pyromania).

Sonically, the second disc is the most uneven since it combines tracks from both the first album and the most recent.  It’s also a much more fun listen just because it includes a couple deeper cuts and some lesser heard gems.  I mean…”Wasted”, right?  Just wish it was the closer.

On the plus side, Best Of Def Leppard has a nice booklet with track commentary from the band members.  There’s an essay and a few photos.  It also comes in a nice cardboard slipcase with an embossed Def Leppard logo in shiny black.  The cover art, with that slate background, is simple, cool and effective.  There’s even a picture of Steve Clark inside (but no Pete Willis).

So what about that covers album?  In the liner notes, Joe says it’s recorded, but it took them until 2006 to release it.  In the meantime, the US would put out their own 2 CD compilation album, with a slightly different running order, a few different deep cuts, a Badfinger cover instead of the Kinks, and a better closing track.  How does the US compilation stack up against the UK?  Check in next time.

3/5 stars

Previous:  

  1. The Early Years Disc One – On Through the Night 
  2. The Early Years Disc Two – High N’ Dry
  3. The Early Years Disc Three – When The Walls Came Tumbling Down: Live at the New Theater Oxford – 1980
  4. The Early Years Disc Four – Too Many Jitterbugs – EP, singles & unreleased
  5. The Early Years Disc 5 – Raw – Early BBC Recordings 
  6. The Early Years 79-81 (Summary)
  7. Pyromania
  8. Pyromania Live – L.A. Forum, 11 September 1983
  9. Hysteria
  10. Soundtrack From the Video Historia – Record Store Tales
  11. In The Round In Your Face DVD
  12. “Let’s Get Rocked” – The Wait for Adrenalize – Record Store Tales
  13. Adrenalize
  14. Live at the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert
  15. Retro-Active
  16. Visualize
  17. Vault: Def Leppard’s Greatest Hits / Limited Edition Live CD
  18. Video Archive
  19. “Slang” CD single
  20. Slang
  21. I Got A Bad Feeling About This: Euphoria – Record Store Tales
  22. Euphoria
  23. Rarities 2
  24. Rarities 3
  25. Rarities 4
  26. Cybernauts – Live
  27. Cybernauts – The Further Adventures of the Cybernauts (bonus disc)
  28. X

Next:

30. Rock of Ages: The Definitive Collection (US)
31. Yeah!

REVIEW: Nine Inch Nails – The Downward Spiral (1994)

NINE INCH NAILS – The Downward Spiral (1994 Interscope) halo eight

“Trent is God!” shouted the chorus of ’94 kids.  Who, Trent Reznor?  From that electronic band?  Why was he God all of a sudden, and what happened to Eric Clapton?

The Downward Spiral happened, and Trent Reznor had a legitimate claim to genius now.  Though not as immediate as Pretty Hate Machine, nor as heavy as Broken, The Downward Spiral was complex and layered beyond those other two albums.  At 65 minutes it was ambitious, stratified and diverse beyond Reznor’s earlier works.  It is an angsty semi-autobiographical concept album about a literal downward spiral, through drugs, religion, violence, ending with nothing left.  Most importantly it was magnetic.  You could not stop listening to it.  Its impact was inevitable.  Angry young kids got it.

Opening with the sound of a severe beating from the movie THX-1138, “Mr. Self Destruct” soon explodes with guitars, static, whispers, and vocals buried deep in the mix.  All ingredients expertly mixed in a jarring cacophony that is anything but.  Whatever is going on in this song, the riff kicks ass and the soupy mix just makes it heavier.  Then suddenly, everything drops out and Trent whispers “You let me do this to you (I am the exit),” an abstract lyric that still manages to chill the bones.  It all explodes again, with layers of heavy building and building until once again they suddenly stop, and loops of guitars take you out.  Adrian Belew contributed guitar.

The most minimalist song in construction was also one of the more popular:  “Piggy”.  It’s a sparse construction of bass and beat, with some adornment from keyboards and samples of what sounds like screaming.  This song increases in tension.  There’s no serious release of the tension until “Heresy”, which explodes once more with heavy.  A distorted, underwater Reznor sings in a creepily catchy falsetto while the fattest of synth beats pound in behind.  Then suddenly he bellows, “God is dead, and no one cares!  If there is a hell, I’ll see you there!”  And the 1994 children of nihilism raised their fists in gleeful despair.  An album highlight.

First single “March of the Pigs” is sloppily heavy; a staggering beat and a lot of distorted yelling.  A big fat keyboard lick in behind, and suddenly the tune just blows up.  The samples create the ambience of a screaming audience.  Trent’s distorted singing (different on every song) is strangely compelling and it makes it that much more powerful when he sings clean.

We arrive at the most irritating song, and also one of the most popular:  “Closer”.  Notable only for the chorus of “I wanna fuck you like an animal”, it has a danceable quality but this song is really only for the novelty.

“Ruiner” is an interesting deep cut with a solid beat and catchy synth.  Trent seems really pissed off, just before the song transforms into a synthy anthem of destruction.  A cool distorted backwards-sounding guitar solo defies convention.  The refrain of “nothing can stop me now” recurs from “Piggy”, reminding us that this is indeed a concept album.  Then the sound of screaming backs “The Becoming”, another deep cut with intense lyrics of internal struggles.  There’s a haunting acoustic chill-out, but it doesn’t last.  This is some of Trent’s most twisted and brilliant production.

Drums, piano and heavy riffing create an uncomfortable balance on “I Do Not Want This” and Trent’s chorus of “Don’t you tell me how I feel!” resonated.  A wild drum beat and another guitar riff brings on “Big Man With A Gun”, the shortest song at only a minute and a half.  But it’s a hell of a minute and a half.  A bit heavy on the phallic references, but hey.  Then suddenly everything cools down on the instrumental “A Warm Place”.  Truly one of Reznor’s greatest constructions, “A Warm Place” quietly comforts us after all the shouting and screaming.  The layers of audible warmth have melody and delicacy that other songs tend to avoid.

“Eraser” spits and whines, before the drums wake the dead and some odd sounding guitars make their entrance.  “Eraser” slowly builds, until Reznor comes in screaming with a riff from hell.  There is so much going on in some of these songs that it is easy to forget how riff-heavy they can be.  On Broken, the riffs were often the main feature.  On Downward, the riffs are accompanied by other major parts to the whole construction.

The lengthy “Reptile” uses the sound of a Polaroid camera to great rhythmic effect.  This sound is a pounder with a nasty bite.  “You have the blood of reptile, just underneath the skin,” accuses Reznor to someone he clearly does not care for anymore.  It’s an angry song among many angry songs, but also a clear standout.

A familiar melody from “Closer” recurs on the acoustic portion of “The Downward Spiral”.  To say “acoustic” is of course silly; that refers only to the acoustic guitar sitting among the Beatles-esque soundscape of loops.  Just past halfway, the song goes completely nuclear with screams, whispers and distorted instruments, all buried as if underwater.

This symphony of cacophony transitions into the most famous song.  Reznor once acquiesced  that “Hurt” was now Johnny Cash’s song, but they can certainly co-exist as uniquely brilliant, each in their own way.  Nine Inch Nails utilize piano, strange guitars that sound out of tune, and wind-like samples that make it sound as if you’re on the surface of Mars.  Like many of the songs on The Downward Spiral, “Hurt” builds and builds and builds like a tantrum.  Reznor’s pained lead vocal is only one of many enticing pieces of the whole.  What Cash did, remarkably in fact, was to take “Hurt” and figure out how to make it work as an acoustic ballad.  What Reznor did was conclude his magnum opus with its best song, and most impactful.

On a personal anecdote, The Downward Spiral was one of the more irritating albums for us to stock as a used CD back in the day.  It is housed in a slimline CD single case with its own inner sleeve, and outside that was a different cardboard sleeve and a gorgeous lyric book.  The lyric book itself is loaded with cool imagery, but it seems a lot of people lost or tossed it, along with the outer cardboard sleeve.  We had two or three different price points for the album depending on how complete it was.  The worst were the customizers who would cut out the outer sleeve to fit it inside a standard jewel case.  Eventually we just started to pass on copies that didn’t come with all the stuff.

The Downward Spiral is industrial music, progressive rock, heavy metal, and punk rock filtered through the unique ear of a man getting out some serious deep-down kind of stuff.  There’s a lot of audible pain.  Yet it is certainly more complex than that, both lyrically and sonically.  Is Trent God?  No — but he is an artist and this is a brilliant piece of art.

5/5 stars

The Downward Spiral is also available in a 2 CD deluxe edition that we will look at in the future!

WTF Comments: Under Melissa’s Skin

Melissa the Troll logged in at 1 AM last night to tell me that my opinion does not matter.  I did not need Melissa to tell me that, but who is going to tell Melissa that her opinion matters just as much?

Melissa left a comment on my Avril Lavigne – Under My Skin review.  Apparently her math isn’t that great, as she didn’t realize that my 3.5/5 score = 7/10, a pretty good review.  She probably didn’t like that I found a few songs to be “shit”, but what can you do?  It’s not like my opinions actually matter.

 

 

#991: You Shook Me All Long Weekend

Jen and I took a Friday off so we could make a long weekend at the lake. With three days to ourselves, good food and good music were a given!

Music for the road trip up:

  1. Ace Frehley – Bronx Boy
  2. AC/DC – Power Up
  3. Deep Purple – Deep Purple

Upon arrival, I spun the usual Kiss on the porch, until 9:00 PM at which point I tuned in to Thursday Night Record Club with Brent Jensen and Alex Huard, discussing AC/DC’s Back In Black.

We filled the weekend with food (pork chops, steaks, trout, and veggies) and more music (lots of Kiss and Iron Maiden).  We enjoyed a few nice walks in the cool summer air.  Yes, it was a chilly one, but we still managed a game of Monopoly on the back porch, in the open air.  Our money never blew away once!

What did blow me away?  Listening to Iron Maiden’s Live After Death on the back porch.  It was like 1986 all over again, but only if 1986 had digital quality sound on the back porch!  We also played some music for Grampa Winter, who would have cranked Kenny Rogers’ Greatest Hits and “The Gambler”.  Except he did it on vinyl with some big old speakers mounted on the front of his bunkhouse.

Friday night I did an excellent live show with Rob Daniels and Harrison Kopp, showing off some incredible collectables.  This enabled me to do some stop motion with my new phone/camera, which turned out really cool.  The new camera is also finally capable of capturing some of the majesty of Kincardine sunsets.  I was impressed with the results and intend to use it frequently all summer.  Another feature is slow motion, which I used to capture some fire and waves.

It was over all too quickly.

Music for the drive home:

  1. Peter Criss – Out of Control
  2. Peter Criss – Let Me Rock You
  3. Criss – Cat #1 (Half)

I can’t explain why I chose those, but every once in a while, you need to listen to some Peter Criss.  So I did.

Please enjoy the video of the weekend, all the sound of Max the Axe, below.

RE-REVIEW: Def Leppard – X (2002)

Part Twenty-Eight of the Def Leppard Review Series

Original Review:  X (Japanese import) (2002)

DEF LEPPARD – X (CD Collection Volume 3 Disc 1) (Originally 2002, 2021 remaster)

In a word:  “desperate”.

The opening boops and bops of lead single “Now” sounded like some pop band from Sweden, not Def Leppard.  Worse, they sounded desperate.

The last studio album Euphoria was sonically calculated to bring back the good old days, but only sold half a million copies in the US, in a case of diminishing returns.  To turn the ship around commercially, professional hitmakers Marti Frederiksen, Per Aldeheim and Andreas Carlsson were employed to help produce. Songs from professional songwriters were used.  The band’s core sound was watered down and only now and then does the real Def Leppard surface for air.

It has been argued that eliminating the first single (and first track) “Now” would strengthen the album.  While may be, we simply cannot ignore this track co-written by pro Marti Frederiksen.  While opens with clicks and wheezes like a life support machine, acoustic guitars and keyboards set up the tune.  Dark, soft and unimpressive until the main guitar hook kicks in at the chorus.  But the chorus is lifeless and uninspiring.  Only the chunky guitars have any impact, unfortunately hobbled by more clicks and sonic idiocy.  At least drummer Rick Allen, who co-wrote this and a number of the album tracks, sounds lethal.

The sonic blemishes go unabated on the ballad “Unbelievable”, written entirely by hitmakers including Max Martin.  The drum and sound effect programming is irritating and adds absolutely nothing to do the song.  Only on the chorus, where Leppard drown it out with their harmonies, do we get relief.  On X, Def Leppard had reach Peak Ballad, and that’s not a good thing.  Their reliance on them was hurting their credibility as a rock band.  If their voices were not so recognizable, you would not have been able to identity “Unbelievable” as a Def Leppard song.

Fortunately “You’re So Beautiful” has some spark.  This upbeat pop rocker has a nice, laid back chug and very sweet harmonies. It’s not overly encumbered by programming.  Phil Collen sings a chunk of it which adds another element.  It’s decent.

More acoustics abound on “Everyday”, making us wonder if Leppard ever intend to rock on this album.  As far as pop rock goes, “Everyday” is pretty good, with some pretty undeniable hooks.  Expertly constructed with the aid of Frederiksen, “Everyday” is a keeper.

One of Leppard’s softest ballads is “Long, Long Way to Go” written by One Direction hitmakers Wayne Hector and Steve Robson.  Fortunately it’s a song that Leppard makes work.  Rich strings and heavy production do not impede this time.  There’s an acoustic version included on the Japanese version of the album that lacks a lot of the excess, and is actually superior.  Fortunately, that version is included on a later CD in The CD Collection Volume 3.  “Long, Long Way to Go” is an album highlight.  Even though they didn’t write it, it deserves to sit up there with some of Leppard’s best balladeering.

“Four Letter Word” is the first actual rocker, even though it steals part of its riff from the superior “Armageddon It”.  Decent song, but unfortunately a knockoff.  Better is “Torn to Shreds” which is ballady, but still boasts a pretty tough chorus.  This song has a pop sound that implies it was cowritten by a hitmaker, but it was not.  This is all Leppard.  They were reaching for pop but at least they let it loose a bit on the chorus.

Irritating sound effects return on “Love Don’t Lie”, like ants at a picnic that just won’t go away.  Not a bad song, with a nice stuttery guitar part that would be nice to hear breathing on its own.  It’s not a total loss but the production is really un-rock in every way.  Now, let’s not get into an argument about being open minded, or categorising Leppard as a “rock” band.  Leppard have long called themselves a pop group, and that’s fine.  There’s that, and there’s a step too far into sonic indigestion, and that’s where we are.  Having said all this, the single “Gravity” is one of the most offensive of the songs.  It could have been Backstreet Boys or N*Sync with guitars.  Or worse.

“Cry” introduces the concept of a “guitar riff” to the X album.  Too little, too late, on an unremarkable song.  “Girl Like You” is a better song, but the programming and digital gunk are still there hovering in the background like a computer virus.  At this point, patience is wearing this and we just want this album to end.  One more ballad to endure, “Let Me Be the One” is over quickly, but what is the point?  There are so many ballads seeping into the Leppard catalogue at this point in time, and few of them are notable.

Fortunately, X ends on the best song, “Scar”.  Though not as heavy as “White Lightning” or as memorable as “Gods Of War”, “Scar” has that kind of dark edgy vibe.  It checks pretty much all the boxes.  It has a riff, a good melody, some very vintage Leppard-y guitar work, and great harmonies.  One of X‘s strengths is the care put into the deeply layered vocals, a Leppard trait unheard to this degree since Hysteria.  It truly is a cool sound.

There were a number of bonus tracks and B-sides available to augment your X experience for better or for worse.  Japan had two bonus tracks:  the aforementioned acoustic “Long, Long Way to Go” and “Kiss the Day”, another slow pseudo-rocker.  The official website used to offer a song called “Perfect Girl”, which is a better demo of “Gravity”.  All these and more such as “10 X Bigger Than Love” are now in the box set, and we’ll take a closer look at those songs when we get to disc four of The CD Collection Volume 3.

Oh, and why X as the title?  Counting Retro-Active and Vault, it’s their tenth album.  Yeah, Vault shouldn’t count, but what can you do?

If you were making a Def Leppard Best Of CD set (which, nine years after Vault, was Leppard’s next move), you could make a good case for including two songs from X, those being “Scar” and “Long, Long Way to Go” (preferably the acoustic version).  Is that what Def Leppard did?  Find out next time.

1.5/5 stars

Previous:  

  1. The Early Years Disc One – On Through the Night 
  2. The Early Years Disc Two – High N’ Dry
  3. The Early Years Disc Three – When The Walls Came Tumbling Down: Live at the New Theater Oxford – 1980
  4. The Early Years Disc Four – Too Many Jitterbugs – EP, singles & unreleased
  5. The Early Years Disc 5 – Raw – Early BBC Recordings 
  6. The Early Years 79-81 (Summary)
  7. Pyromania
  8. Pyromania Live – L.A. Forum, 11 September 1983
  9. Hysteria
  10. Soundtrack From the Video Historia – Record Store Tales
  11. In The Round In Your Face DVD
  12. “Let’s Get Rocked” – The Wait for Adrenalize – Record Store Tales
  13. Adrenalize
  14. Live at the Freddie Mercury Tribute Concert
  15. Retro-Active
  16. Visualize
  17. Vault: Def Leppard’s Greatest Hits / Limited Edition Live CD
  18. Video Archive
  19. “Slang” CD single
  20. Slang
  21. I Got A Bad Feeling About This: Euphoria – Record Store Tales
  22. Euphoria
  23. Rarities 2
  24. Rarities 3
  25. Rarities 4
  26. Cybernauts – Live
  27. Cybernauts – The Further Adventures of the Cybernauts (bonus disc)

Next:

29. Best Of (UK)
30. Rock of Ages: The Definitive Collection (US)
31. Yeah!

Experimental Sunday Screening: Jen Beats Mike at Monopoly deluxe

For fun, this is a stop motion of our game of Monopoly.  I took a picture after every move and Jen beat me in about an hour.

It was a bloodbath.  Jen (the train) started strong with some railroad and utility purchases. Mike (the race car) got bogged down early on with a long string of bad rolls leading to only three properties owned.  Jen quickly snapped up the second utility, Park Place, and all four Railroads.  Mike collected all the Greens, and began building houses, but was wiped out by the Railroads.  When Jen finally bought the last property left, Boardwalk, it was all over.  The hotels built were never used.  It was the Electric Company that dealt the fatal blow and left Mike’s car piece in a wreck.

This deluxe Monopoly has old fashioned wooden houses and hotels, metal markers, organizers for all the cards and money, and proper storage for everything while boxed.  For a neat and tidy traditional game of Monopoly (or with whatever traditional rules you play with), this is our go-to version.

VIDEO: Stop-Motion Transformers Earthrise SCORPONOK from Scorpion to ‘Bot

From last  night’s show Cool Collectables, here’s the animation of Transformers Earthrise Scorponok transforming from Scorpion to robot mode.  This took about an hour to make.  Toy includes DK-19 upgrade kit by DNA Design,

Music is “Randy” by Max the Axe.

Bassically Collectables! Rob, Harrison and Mike show off their treasures

The always difficult-to-please Chris Sarre called this a “Top Five” show last night, and I’m flattered but have to agree with him!  Thanks to Rob from Visions In Sound, and Harrison the Man Metal Man for showing off your music and entertainment collectables last night.  From rare CDs, autographs and Australian exclusives, to board games, books and odds n’ ends, we saw a lot of cool items with great stories behind them.

Hightlights:

  • Colm Feore autograph and story
  • Custom Lego minifigs
  • Stop-motion transformations
  • Gimli the Cat
  • Sealed action figures
  • Vintage Atari games
  • Fender acoustic bass formerly owned by the late Don Simmons of Helix

Thanks to all who watched and participated live in the comments.  Apologies for the sniffling.  Those board games were dusty and triggered my allergies.

No show next time, time for a break!  Thanks for watching and we’ll see ya when we see ya!