TV REVIEW: American Dad – “300”

It took 17 seasons (or 15 by some counts — it’s complicated), but finally, American Dad has wound up one of the longest running sagas in television history.  It’s the story of Roger the Alien’s golden turd.  Begun in season 1, Roger’s turd has been the subject of a recurring story over the course of the last decade and a half.  It has incredible powers of evil, similar to the One Ring of Tolkien lore, over those who encounter it.  Good people corrupted have lusted and murdered for it.  The lump of jewel-encrusted poo has appeared briefly in several episodes, forming a long story arc unfolding over many seasons.

You can follow the saga of the turd in the following episodes:

  • Season 1 episode 6:  “Homeland Insecurity” – Roger lays the golden turd.  Two electrical workers discover the treasure, but only Jim survives, killing his best friend for it.  He calls his fiancee only to discover her having an affair.
  • Season 2 episode 3: “Failure is not a Factory-Installed Option” – Guilt-laden Jim parks his truck on train tracks, killing himself.  The investigating cop on the scene finds the golden turd, and brings it home to show his wife.  He quickly regrets tampering with evidence, and decides to turn it in.  Instead, his wife puts rat poison in his tea.
  • Season 10 episode 3: “Blargsnart: A Love Story” – The cop’s wife is executed for murder. Their son, an important man with presidential ambitions, discovers the turd hidden under a floorboard in their house.
  • Season 12 episode 1: “Father’s Daze” – The man and his presidential campaign adviser fight over the turd. They are both killed and the turd is later discovered by a cleaning woman who realizes its true significance. She takes it to the Vatican where the leaders of all the world’s religions decide what to do about this prophesized “turd” of events.

  • Season 5 episode 9: “Rapture’s Delight” – In a fanciful Christmas story taking place during the future of the book of Revelations, freedom fighter Jesus returns the turd to Roger.  (“Ah, an alien.  One of my father’s side-projects”, says a trash-talking Jesus.)  Roger uses the turd to power his spaceship, in order to ultimately stop the Anti-Christ. (This episode is not quite in continuity since everyone dies in the end, but could still take place in American Dad’s future timeline as a sort of coda to the turd saga.)

The saga finally concludes in American Dad’s 300th produced episode:

AMERICAN DAD! – “300” (Season 17, episode 21)

Though it went on like the Song that Never Ends, the turd saga was wrapped up in grand style.  I’ve made the argument that American Dad is trying to keep up with Rick and Morty lately in terms of epic storylines with universal consequences.  In its own way, American Dad has caught up this year.

We mundanely begin in the Smith family kitchen.  The family have been trying for years to get on Family Feud and have finally received their application letter.  Famously, Family Feud only send you one application; no second chances.  Roger promptly destroys the application in another one of his endlessly destructive gags.   The family realizes (via flashbacks) that Roger ruins everything, and banish him from the house.

The screen transitions to the letterbox format, indicating we are about to pick up the saga of the turd.

At the Vatican, the Pope, the Dalai Lama, Beyonce, and other important religious figures discuss how to dispose of the evil golden turd.  It can only be destroyed by sending it back through the portal from which it originated — Roger’s ass.  Its power to “corrupt and twist the human mind” is the only thing preventing the world from ascending to true peace, but the leaders squabble and fight.  None of them can do it; they need a “chosen one”, a person who is immune to the turd’s power.  Fortunately, the Knights Turdlar find the chosen one and send her with the turd to Langley Falls in America.

Roger’s not home — he was evicted, remember — but he’s not hard to find.  The deed is easily done, and the turd is returned to its origin by the chosen one.  The consequences are immediate:  a bright wave of light circles the Earth.  Utopia!  World peace…and Roger’s demise!  He shatters into (wink wink) 300 pieces.

There’s a big musical number featuring Patrick Stewart’s CIA director Avery Bullock, who announces there’s no more need for the agency.  The song features blink-or-you’ll-miss-them cameos from all sorts of favourite characters from Santa Claus to Alistair Covax to The Weeknd.  But the family is bored and can’t stand utopia!  Will they selfishly try to restore Roger and end this world peace nonsense?  It’s the Smiths; of course they will!  Roger’s 300 fragments were scattered by the Knights Turdlar, hiding them in the most inaccessible places on Earth.  But Roger’s offspring, Rogu can “probably” sense all of Roger’s bits hidden all over the world.

The story comes full circle when they track down the final and most important piece (the butthole) to Family Feud’s own Steve Harvey.  The TV show host isn’t giving it up…not without a Feud!  But an unlikely Fast Money victory isn’t the end of the turd’s tale.  It always exacts a heavy toll (as the previous episodes in the saga demonstrated).  Restoring Roger and undoing utopia has bloody consequences for the Smiths.  It’s the kind of death-laden storyline that only a time travel trope can undo!  Future Roger needs Past Roger to ensure the turd is never found in the first place, and hopefully also to not get kicked out of the house!

There is one more episode left to go this season, but American Dad demonstrated some epic scale storytelling with “300”.  That required epic aspect ratios.  Most of this episode is in the standard widescreen, but goes letterboxed for the turd saga.  It even briefly goes back to full screen when we revisit the origins in season 1.  Three aspect rations, one epic episode.  What a way to end this long-running story, which was not a turd at all.

5/5 stars

…But is the saga really over?

 

 

Sunday Chuckle: Toad in the Hole

My dad is legendary.  At the cottage, he likes to go “on patrol”.  These are just short walks.  His footwear of choice when going on these “patrols”?  Rubber boots.  Always.  Ever since I was a kid, he’s been patrolling in rubber galoshes.  It’s what he likes.

One time when we were younger, he put on his boots to go for a stroll.  He couldn’t quite fit his foot in there.  He didn’t know what was wrong but his toe wouldn’t go all the way to the end.  Damned if he knew what was wrong.  Until he took it off.

Evidence was that a frog had made that boot his home, and was alive until that point.

Despite this…unfortunate turn of events, my dad still loves his rubber boots and I can all but guarantee that he will have them on his feet at some point in the day today.

Love you dad!

Gallery: Sven Gali swag, ReAction figures, and Rock and Roll Children from Live Stream unboxing

Thanks for watching last night’s stream if you did, and no worries if you didn’t.  I did some unboxings but due to the limitations of resolution, couldn’t show off my new arrivals very clearly.  Here are some photos for you to enjoy!

First off:  if you remember, back in July somebody stole my copy of Michael D. LeFevre‘s book Rock and Roll Children right out of the mail.  Michael (better known to you as 80s Metal Man) sent me a new copy right out of his own pocket.  He didn’t have to do that.  Thank you, thank you, thank you.  I’m happy to finally have a copy.

Next:  Sven Gali!  I won a Facebook contest and the band sent me some swag!  The guitar pick neck chain (with the late Dee Cernile’s name on the back) is my favourite.  They also sent a glossy photo (top) signed by all five members:  Andy Frank, Shawn Minden, Dave Wanless, Dan Fila and Sean Williamson.  Finally we have a new copy of their excellent new EP 3.  I played it again this week and I like it more now than I did then.  I have given my extra copy to loyal reader and friend Len Labelle.

Finally:  From a shitty Amazon seller comes Super 7’s ReAction figure for a battle-damaged T-1000 from Terminator 2: Judgement Day.  What’s up with the shitty seller?  They stuffed this figure in a box that was too small for the card, damaging it and making the figure fall out loose.  I was going to open him, but then I noticed he was a limited edition exclusive.  Would have been nice to have the option to keep him sealed if I felt like it.  Well, he’s open now, and ready to do battle with Autobots, Decepticons, Aliens, and ghouls.  This is a universal action figure line compatible with the 1977 Kenner Star Wars figures.  Ever wanted Ben Kenobi to take on Snake Pliskin?  You could do it now!

If you missed the show, you can stream it below.

Highway to Lists: Live Streaming AC/DC Deep Cuts

A huge thanks to Kevin/Buried On Mars for this week’s theme:  AC/DC Deep Cuts!

Your hosts with lists this week were:

Over the course of five lists, you will definitely find some tracks to check out for the first time, or just for a fresh listen.  The discussion was brisk and entertaining as hell.  You might even see cameos from Boba Fett and Thunder Bay’s own T-Bone Erickson.  What songs did we pick?  Was Aaron disqualified?  You’ll have to watch to find out.

In addition to the AC/DC lists, we tackled a few other topics.  Check the video times below to skip to the following:

  • An Amazon parcel & special Sven Gali swag unboxing – 0:09:30
  • Some praise for Max the Axe and Eric Litwiller –  0:26:00
  • The AC/DC lists – 0:30:50
  • For the after-party, general music and current events discussion – 1:55:25

Thanks for tuning in everybody.

 

Friday Rock N Roll Train – Live Streaming AC/DC Lists from Mars!

This week’s episode comes to you from BURIED ON MARS!   I’ve been wanting to involve him on the live show for a few months and now the time has come.  His topic:  AC/DC deep cuts.  Back in June we did a Nigel Tufnel Top Ten AC/DC albums co-hosted by Superdekes.  That was one of our best shows, but now we go deep!  No hits, just AC/DC; songs that we love that you’re not going to hear on the radio.

Your hosts with lists tonight will include:

We hope you will be on board tonight for the “Rock and Roll Train” known as AC/DC!

Friday September 18.  7:00 PM E.S.T.  Facebook:  Michael Ladano or Facebook:  MikeLeBrain.  YouTube:  Mike LeBrain.

You may have noticed I have finally picked a name for this show.  I hope I picked the right one.  Tonight will be the inaugural (even though I’ve been doing this six months) episode of THE LeBRAIN TRAIN: 2000 Words or More with Mike Ladano.

Thank you to old pal (26 years) and author Aaron Lebold for contributing new graphics for the show.  I really appreciate it!  This was my favourite of the two he made.  I have more artwork coming along.  I’m very grateful for your help Aaron!  Maybe you can come on the show and discuss your new book Genocide.

So that’s the name…The LeBrain Train: 2000 Words or More with Mike Ladano.  Or, just The LeBrain Train.  Jen came up with the LeBrain Train, and rock journalist Mitch Lafon suggested the 2000 Words or More part.  Thanks to everyone who dropped a suggestion!  I liked them all except for James Kalyn’s — “The Lebrain Eats A Worm And A Stick YouTube Hour”!

See you tonight!  Rock N Roll Train!

#860: We Stand Alone

This chapter is dedicated to Michael LeFevre

GETTING MORE TALE #860: We Stand Alone

On a recent road trip with Jen to the lake, I chose the music according to my recent modus operandi:  80s retro rock.  The stuff I used to listen to at the lake when I was 15 or 16 years old.  This time I decided on the Killer Dwarfs’ Big Deal album from 1988.  I didn’t get the cassette until the cottage season of ’89.  I have a lot of nostalgia for that year.  I turned 17, I had friends, and I even met a girl that liked me.  We held hands once!

The title Big Deal referred to the Dwarfs’ signing their big record deal with Epic.  This was their major label debut.  After two indies, they finally signed the “big deal”, and even made a music video lampooning the idea.  The album is a solidly hard rock album with a melodic side and a dash of dreams.  Big Deal‘s theme is dreaming, and making it come true.  Self determination.  It doesn’t sound like the band had to compromise too much in making the album. While a tad softer than the predecessor Stand Tall (1986), it sounds like a natural evolution from that point.  Better background vocals, cleaner production, and more considered arrangements.

Epic Records even funded a jokey video for “We Stand Alone”, though unusually dark.  It was very much a sequel to “Stand Tall (Stick To Your Guns)” from the prior album.  This time, the band sign to a label (in blood!) who forces them to change their image and name to the “Cuddly Dwarfs”.  They are forced to cut and style their hair.  They give it a go, but by the end Russ Dwarf breaks his puppeteer’s strings and re-emerges with wild hair, tricycle and goofy stage shenanigans.

As the album played in the car, my brain immediately began flashing back to those times (as has been routine lately). Like an old film projector, images appeared in my mind. I was sitting in the basement, hand on the remote control of the VCR, ready to hit “record” on the new Killer Dwarfs video. Bob Schipper may have been watching with me, or he may have come over later. Either way, we both enjoyed the song, which was their most melodic yet. I can remember my thoughts and feelings watching the video, which had a tenebrous edge. I seem to have a reaction to videos where people have goey stuff dumped on their heads, like in Gowan’s video for “A Criminal Mind”. Killer Dwarfs had similar imagery in “We Stand Alone”, when faceless record company suits issue new haircuts for the Dwarfs. As such I’ll always see the video, and thus hear the song, with a sense of…shadow.

As the Dwarfs themselves have said, the videos may have been comedies, but the music and lyrics have always been dead serious.  The album in general has a similar dark vibe for me. The records before and after were more aggressive, but Big Deal seems to have a different focus.  Songs like “Power”, “Lifetime” and “Tell Me Please” have a certain foreboding to them for me.  Others are different, like the accelerated “Burn It Down” which recalls the Dwarfs of old.  There are no real duds on the album, which is a workmanlike slab of granite to seek out if you like 80s metal or Canadian rock bands.

The Dwarfs did well enough but didn’t have a major breakthrough.  They were always respected, tending to get better album after album.  I read a few critiques of Russ Graham’s voice, calling it too nasal like fellow Canadian Geddy Lee.  If that’s a dealbreaker for you, it’s best to move on.  While Russ is more aggressive than Geddy, I do hear the resemblance they are referring to.  But don’t forget guitarist Mike Hall, who doesn’t get enough credit for his solo work and tasteful use of the whammy bar.  On drums, the Dwarfs boast the heavy hitting Darrell Dwarf (Millar), an animated character who provides the ever-important thump.  And of course Bad Ronbo Mayer on bass and backing vocals, keeping it together.

Peak Dwarfs for me was 1990’s Dirty Weapons, a seriously good heavy rock album with attitude and riffs.  I have a whole different set of memories of that album, but not as nostagic.  Dirty Weapons came at Childhood’s End, a period of rapid change.  There it remains emblazoned in that part of my memory forever.

VIDEO: Max the Axe – “Blood Runs Red” / Fall at the Lake

Always happy to showcase tunes for Max the Axe, local heavy metal hero and legend!

Here’s another video of cottage memories to help keep us warm during the winter.  A little dark, a little stormy, but a lovely if short fall weekend.  Headphones recommended.  I didn’t take a lot of pictures this time, so only a short song was necessary – “Blood Runs Red” from Million Dollar Threats.

#859: Big Water

GETTING MORE TALE #859: Big Water

When I was really small, just a toddler, I can remember having a couple names for this place:  “Big Water” and “Lake Water Stones”.  48 years ago was my first summer at Lake Water Stones, better known as Lake Huron.  Lorne Beach is the exact location.  These patches of land have been in my family for many decades.  The original cottage that Grampa Winter owned is still there, now occupied by Dr. Kathryn.  A lot has changed but not our family’s long roots in that dark sandy soil.

There were several times in my younger years when I didn’t want to be there.  In those foolish years I’d rather be here near the telephone line and creature comforts.  I can remember in the mid 80s at the cottage, my dad had to drive into town to make a phone call.  I had to tape all my precious wrestling matches at home and pray that they recorded.

Perspective changes and so does technology.  Now there’s no place I’d rather be than Lake Water Stones.

2018 changed everything for us.  That was the year Jen’s mom died.  Almost like the year without a summer.  We spent the whole season in hospital rooms and corridors, and hotels in Toronto.  After she passed we spent the whole fall cleaning out her house.  When we finally got back to the lake in spring 2019, we had learned to cherish and savour it more.

As if we needed a reminder how uncertain life can be, 2020 gave us a whole new perspective.  “Essential travel only.”  No road trips to cottage country.  They were wary of outsiders stealing their toilet paper, or spreading disease from the city.  As time wore on, we questioned whether we would be able to go at all.

I kept a positive attitude and I made the most of our time stuck at home.  I took advantage of my little patio, listening to tunes out there and doing several live streams in the fresh air.  Better than nothing.  A small patch of outdoors sure beats staying in all the time.  A little bit of blowing wind feels good on the skin.

Ontario was still on shaky ground and not yet in Phase 2 of re-opening when Jen and I finally returned to the lake at the end of May.  We missed the long weekend, usually a reliable starting point for a happy summer.  Instead we had a cold, dark weekend highlighted by the ominous “Premises Closed” signs posted at the beach entrance points.

I remember walking into the cottage and taking a breath of the woody smelling air.  You don’t notice it after 10 minutes, but it’s so strong at first sniff.  We were having a quiet weekend, no stops in town and we didn’t even tell anyone besides family that we were going.  Only when I tested the internet connection with a live stream was it obvious where we were.  Non-essential travel was frowned upon but I looked at this trip as essential to the mental health of two people who were quarantining pretty strictly.

Phase 2 began in early June and at that point we tried to make it up every other weekend, working around my parents’ schedule.  We wanted to maintain some distancing.  I had some goals I wanted to accomplish this summer.  Tossing out the planned accomplishments for Summer 2020, the new goals were attainable in an altered season.

  • I wanted to live stream outdoors from the lake — and we did this many times.
  • I wanted to eat steak every weekend we were there — and we did.
  • Swim as much as weather permitted — we did.
  • Mental health being the theme of 2020, I wanted to have a virtual counselling appointment from the porch.  I did two.  The setting was incredible.
  • Create as much photo and video content as I could to remember the place by in the winter.  Mission accomplished.

Setting realistic goals helped me make the most of this summer.  I feel more prepared for the fall.  And I’m really looking forward to 2021, when I might be able to add some more goals to the list.  (Still hoping to cook a wagyu steak on my own grill.)

Here’s gratitude for a great 2020 season regardless of the obstacles.  Hoping for better next year.

REVIEW: Europe – Last Look at Eden (2009)

EUROPE – Last Look at Eden (2009 Ear Music)

When it was released on September 9 2009, Joey Tempest and Ian Haughland were quoted talking about how this was the best album Europe had done in the reunion era. I personally don’t agree; I think Start From the Dark is the best. However that’s not a slight against Last Look at Eden, a regal very European platter of great songs.  From rockers, to ballads, to blues (like the closing epic “In My Time”), Last Look at Eden is a well-rounded Europe album.

You can tell what you’re in for right from the opening prelude: Grand arrangements, lush recording. The Europe of old, in the world of today. This goes straight into the title track, a sort of “Final Countdown” for the new era. Indeed, Last Look at Eden combines sounds from Europe’s past, brought sharply into the new millennium. A good example is “New Love in Town”, a great ballad that would go toe-to-toe with the lush landmark ballads this band did in the 80’s.  There’s even a hint of Zeppelin on “Mojito Girl”.  I hear a smidge of Marillion in “No Stone Unturned”.  Elsewhere you will find groove, such as on the driving “Gonna Get Ready”.  “The Beast” is unstoppable!  If it wasn’t for Joey Tempest’s voice and the thick tone of John Norum, you wouldn’t know it was Europe.  But it is, and has the kind of chorus that they do so well.

To me the weakest parts of this album were some of the lyrics, “Catch That Plane” being the worst. It’s not 1986 anymore guys.  “It’s getting hard, so very hard, I’m gonna need some attention.”  What on Earth could Joey be singing about?  “Catch that plane and get your ass, your pretty ass over here.”  Oh.

I also find the album cover to be a poor representation of the music inside.  It’s not bad, with the apple (“Eden”) and the ferrofluid spikes.  Everybody will have their own interpretation, but it just doesn’t do the music justice.

There are two bonus tracks on this edition, more on different editions. Here you get a live version of the old B-side track, “Yesterday’s News”, probably the best version of this song released yet. There is also a live version of “Wake Up Call” from Start From The Dark.

Pretty damn good.  Lots of killer, only a little filler.

4/5 stars