REVIEW: Helix – Bastard of the Blues (2014)

NEW RELEASE

HELIX – Bastard of the Blues (2014 Perris)

I’ve been a Helix fan a long time.  They were one of the first bands I’ve ever liked.  I’m pleased to report that their new album, Bastard of the Blues, is their strongest in years and possibly on a par with their best 80’s work.  It is their first album with Chris Julke of Cambridge Ontario on guitar, replacing John Claus (who replaced the Doctor, Brent Doerner).  This new lineup of the band (still featuring Kaleb Duck – guitar, Daryl Gray – bass, and Fritz Hinz – drums) is again working with Sean Kelly and Aaron Murray, producing one hell of a record.  It consists of 8 brand new songs, and 3 slightly older songs that you may have missed the first time.

BASTARD OF THE BLUES_0006The title track “Bastard of the Blues” is a mean, fully loaded soul-metal rock song.  Soul-metal?  Sure, why not?  Check out those backing vocals, and the smoking lead guitars.  Soul-metal!  Songwriting-wise, this is a top drawer.  Production-wise, performance…there is absolutely nothing that sucks about “Bastard of the Blues”.  Although this is a completely modern song, there are aspects of it that take me back to 1978’s Breaking Loose album, such as its experimental nature with different sections and so on.

It takes balls to name a song “Even Jesus (Wasn’t Loved in His Home Town)”. It’s heavier than the title track, and boasts a nasty little guitar riff to hook you.  Once again, Helix raised the bar.  Then they change gears:  “Winning is the Best Revenge” is solid pop rock that in a just world would be on the radio.  This one takes me right back to the mellower sounds on Helix’ 1993 classic It’s a Business Doing Pleasure.  Vollmer’s voice is in top shape.  Lyrically these two songs really seem pointed at those who may or may not have impeded Helix in the past!

“Screaming at the Moon” would be a cool song live, with it’s lyrics about fists pumping in the air.  My favourite song however is the next one, “Metal at Midnight”.  If it wasn’t for the modern production I’d swear this song was from 1984.  What a great hard rock chorus.  I’m absolutely nuts for this song.  What is it about bands like Judas Priest and Helix recently, that they have managed to tap into that vintage vibe?  I think part of the credit must go to co-writer Sean Kelly, who proved his metal credentials last year on his excellent Metal On Ice EP.

BASTARD OF THE BLUES_0007“Hellbound For a Heartbreak” is similar in direction to “Screaming at the Moon”, which is solid hard rock with hooky guitars.  But then, I was taken by surprise: “When All the Love is Gone” is an epic 70’s-sounding ballad with a voice singing that I’m not familiar with.  Turns out, it’s Daryl Gray!  He absolutely nails it.  This song could have been at home on Breaking Loose, alongside “You’re a Woman Now”.  I tend to like albums with multiple lead singers, so I enjoyed the change of pace.

From the compilation CD Best Of 1983-2012 comes “Axe to Grind”, getting a second life here.  Now here’s an interesting observation:  On the Best Of CD it didn’t make a huge impression on me.  Here, I’m enjoying it a lot more, particularly for the scathing lyrics.  Anybody who has read Brian’s Facebook page knows he’s not shy about sharing opinions, and “Axe to Grind” reminds us of that.  Then comes “Skin in the Game” from the EP of the same title.  This being an older song, you can hear the presence of the Doctor!  Also from that EP is “The Bitch is a Bullet”.  It boasts one of those memorable Helix choruses.

Album closer “Sticks and Stones” is another favourite.  It’s a fast-paced bluegrass-y metal shuffle!  Hey, I don’t know how to describe it better.  This is a great song, purely smoking, and showing off the musicianship of these five pros.  Much like “Metal at Midnight”, I just can’t get enough of this song!

As an album, Bastard of the Blues is more cohesive and consistent than some of the recent Helix discs, including The Power of Rock and Roll and Vagabond Bones.  As good as those albums were, Bastard is better.  It feels like a complete album, more so than before.  It holds its own against classics like Back For Another Taste, a high-water mark.

I don’t often get preachy in my reviews here, but I will say this:  Go out and get Bastard of the Blues.  Order it online.  Do what you have to do to purchase this album.  You’ll be supporting a hard working band that have really earned your dollars.  If there was one pleasant surprise of 2014 so far, it is that Helix came out with such an incredibly strong album.  They have raised the bar for themselves again.

5/5 stars

 

VIDEO: The Cottage in the Woods 2

COLLAGE

If you missed the original story about the Cottage in the Woods, please check out Record Store Tales Part 308.

Another long weekend in Canada has come and gone.  This time we came with a side mission: visiting Condor Fine Books in Kincardine, Ontario.  We’ve been going there for years, and the owner is a really nice guy.  He has a crazy selection of old and interesting books, with a healthy section on UFOs and the paranormal.  That’s alright by me.

I hope you enjoy my latest video, with book finds and lots of scenery.

REVIEW: KISS – 40 (Japanese import with bonus track)

NEW RELEASE

KISS – 40 (2014 Universal Japan)

Alright people. I got a question for everybody here (and I didn’t forget about you people upstairs neither, woah yeah!).  How many of you people believe in rock and roll?

If you believe in rock and roll, like you say you believe in rock-and-ro-oh-oll, then you know that 2014 is the 40th anniversary of the very first Kiss album.  Gene Simmons believes in rock and roll.  So does Universal music.  They believe in rock and roll’s ability to fill their pockets again and again.   As fans, we have learned to accept this.  You don’t have to buy every re-package and reissue that comes out; we all choose which releases to buy based on our wants and budgets.

Unreleased music is a top priority for me, so seeing Kiss 40 coming out with a number of unreleased tracks, I was excited about this release.  I bought the Japanese edition from the folks over at CD Japan, for the Japanese exclusive bonus track.  I’ll talk about that track in a bit, for now I want to express how happy I am with Kiss 40, as a compilation aimed at fans both new and old.

Sets like this are tricky.  You have to include familiar versions of familiar hits for the people buying their first Kiss CD.  You have to include value to the cantankerous old fan, and present the old songs in novel ways.  What Kiss and Universal chose to do was include one song from every Kiss album, including every live album.  Sprinkled into that are the unreleased songs.

High points:

I love that they used the Paul Stanley version of “God of Thunder”, the fast one.  Marko Fox has been using that as his theme song on his show for a while, and I’ve really grown to love this version.  All four solo albums have a song included.  (I would have preferred a harder song from Paul’s album, but “Hold Me, Touch Me” was the single after all.)  Killers is represented, via “Down on Your Knees”.  Not a bad song.  I’m glad to have the radio edit of “Jungle”, finally.  I never had that before, and “Jungle” probably wouldn’t be on the album if it wasn’t edited down from its full seven minutes.  (Although not stated, “Psycho-Circus” is also edited to remove the “circus” intro.)

Low points:

The goal of including Kiss songs from every album also means that you have to hear “Let’s Put the X in Sex”.  Although this would have been a great place to use a rarer remixed version, it’s just the same one from Smashes, Thrashes & Hits.  Another total miss that is here is the dreadful “Nothing Can Keep Me From You”, from the Detroit Rock City soundtrack.  Whyyyyy.

Nitty gritty details:

The first rarity is a 1977 Gene Simmons demo called “Reputation”.  You can hear that aspects of this song later made it into other Gene Simmons compositions such as “Radioactive”.  This is one of those song titles I’d read about for years, but have never heard until now.  Cool.  While the song is definitely a demo, and not quite as good as most finished Kiss songs, it does boast a cool dual guitar solo and rocking piano a-la “Christine Sixteen”.

KISS 40On the second CD are the rare live tracks.  In addition to live songs sampled from You Wanted the Best, You Got the Best!!, Alive IV: Kiss Symphony and The Millenium Concert, there are rare ones here from Instant Live CDs.  Instant Live CDs are live albums you buy at the concert, immediately after the concert — a souvenir of the show you just saw.  Extras are then sold online.  I have a handful myself, but nobody has all of them (at least, nobody I know of!).  “Deuce”, “Cold Gin”, and “Crazy Crazy Nights” are all from these Instant Live albums.  “Crazy Crazy Nights” is the one I was most interested in.  Live performances of that song are scarce in my collection.  It is from the Sonic Boom tour, and it’s pretty solid.  The song is played in a lower key to accommodate Paul, who does pretty good anyway.  Eric and Tommy help him out on the chorus.  Thayer simplifies the original Kulick solo, adapting it to his style and keeping the key hooks intact.  The result is a tasty guitar solo which is a cross of both players.

Finally, those lucky lucky fans in Japan got a brand new live song:  “Hell or Hallelujah” recorded at Budokan.  Although the song itself smokes, Paul’s voice is really sore on this one.  (Both the intro and outro, which could have been neatly edited out, are really harsh.) The song includes the line, “No lies, no fakin’,” and that is totally appropriate, because this sounds 100% live and untouched.  Gotta give ’em credit for not trying to fix Paul’s voice in the mix.

Notable omissions:

“Love Gun”, “Creatures of the Night”, “Hotter than Hell”, “I Stole Your Love”, “Rocket Ride”, “Sure Know Something”, “Hide Your Heart”, “Domino”.

The verdict:

Buy this CD.  The concept of “one track per album” creates some interesting listening results.  The ratio of rarities to hits keeps it fresh all the way through.  And if you’re a Kiss fan absolutely get the Japanese version.  Just go to CD Japan and order it.

4/5 stars

Disc One

  1. ‘Nothin To Lose’
  2. ‘Let Me Go, Rock ‘N’ Roll’
  3. ‘C’mon and Love Me’
  4. ‘Rock And Roll All Nite’ (Live)
  5. ‘God Of Thunder’ (Demo)
  6. ‘Beth’
  7. ‘Hard Luck Woman’
  8. ‘Reputation’ (Demo) – Previously Unreleased
  9. ‘Christine Sixteen’
  10. ‘Shout It Out Loud’ (Live)
  11. ‘Strutter ‘78′
  12. ‘You Matter To Me’ (Peter Criss)
  13. ‘Radioactive’ (Gene Simmons)
  14. ‘New York Groove’ (Ace Frehley)
  15. ‘Hold Me, Touch Me’ (Paul Stanley)
  16. ‘I Was Made For Lovin’ You’ (Single Edit)
  17. ‘Shandi’
  18. ‘A World Without Heroes’
  19. ‘I Love It Loud’
  20. ‘Down On Your Knees’
  21. ‘Lick It Up’
  22. ‘Heaven’s On Fire’

 

Disc Two

  1. ‘Tears Are Falling’
  2. ‘Reason To Live’
  3. ‘Let’s Put The X In Sex’
  4. ‘Forever’ (Remix)
  5. ‘God Gave Rock ‘N’ Roll To You II’
  6. ‘Unholy’ (Live)
  7. ‘Do You Love Me?’ (MTV Unplugged)
  8. ‘Room Service’ (Live)
  9. ‘Jungle’ (Radio Edit)
  10. ‘Psycho Circus’
  11. ‘Nothing Can Keep Me From You’ (Detroit Rock City soundtrack)
  12. ‘Detroit Rock City’ (Live)
  13. ‘Deuce’ (Live 2004) – Unreleased commercially
  14. ‘Firehouse’ (Live – 1999/2000)
  15. ‘Modern Day Delilah’
  16. ‘Cold Gin’ (Live 2009) – Unreleased commercially
  17. ‘Crazy Crazy Nights’ (Live 2010) – Unreleased commercially
  18. ‘Hell or Hallelujah’
  19. ‘Hell or Hallelujah’ (Live in Japan 2013) – Japanese bonus track

REVIEW: Savatage – Poets and Madman (Limited edition)

A Savatage reunion gig has been announced for Wacken 2015!

SAVATAGE – Poets and Madman (2001 Steamhammer limited edition)

It is hard to believe that well over a decade have gone by since this, the final Sava-disc. Whether we’ll ever see another is unlikely, but this is a heck of a great album to go out on. Since the death of Criss Oliva, Savatage had become a much more operatic beast, culminating in the formation of Trans-Siberian Orchestra. Here, there are many changes afoot. Guitarist Al Pitrelli departed for Megadeth, although some of his work is herein. Co-lead vocalist Zach Stevens is also gone, having formed the excellent Circle II Circle. This leaves The Mountain King himself, Jon Oliva, to handle all lead vocals for the first time since 1991’s Streets: A Rock Opera. (A new co-lead vocalist named Damond Jineva was hired for the tour.)

IMG_20140723_174816This is another dramatic rock opera, and as soon as the needle hits wax (or in this case, the laser hits 1’s and 0’s) you hear Oliva’s piano flourishes dominate the opening song, “Stay With Me Awhile”. Much like “Streets”, this song is simply an intro to the story which is about to unfold. This time, Oliva and producer Paul O’Neill weave a tale about an abandoned insane asylum and the ghosts within its walls. On a whole it is a much less satisfying concept than some previous Sava-operas, but it backs up the music just fine. And to be honest, that’s why we’re here — the music.

From heavy rockers like “There In The Silence” (backed by a fat synth riff) to slow dramatic ballads like “Back To A Reason”, this is a well-rounded Sava-disc. It is comparable to previous in quality and direction to rock operas such as The Wake of Magellan or Dead Winter Dead, just without Zach.

As with the aforementioned rock operas, there is always a centerpiece on the album. There had to be a counterpoint-vocal-laden masterwork to make your jaw drop in awe and hit that “reverse” button to hear it all again. This time it is a 10 minute epic called “Morphine Child”. With Zach gone, Oliva sings with multiple backing vocalists but the song is no weaker for it.  I’ll confess that even though I usually listen to albums from front to back, I usually play “Morphine Child” three times in a row.  It’s that incredible.

Other standouts include the single “Commissar” which is loaded with guitar flash, keyboards and riffage.  It also features Trans-Siberian-style backing vocals.  “I Seek Power” sounds like classic Savatage circa Gutter Ballet.  “Awaken” is another number that brings to mind that mid-period Savatage sound.  If some fans thought they had strayed way too far into rock opera, then songs like “Awaken” will appeal to their tastes.  I still like hearing Jon screaming a chorus.

I was underwhelmed a bit by the acoustic “Rumor”, but the song does take off fully electric after a few minutes.   Then there’s “Surrender” which feels like an outtake from Streets, but I didn’t find it as memorable.  So there are a couple duds, who cares?

This deluxe version comes with a sticker, a nice box, a bonus music video (1994’s “Handful of Rain” for some reason) and a bonus track (a live version of “Jesus Saves” with Zach singing…for some reason). There was also a poster, and little surprise that relates to the story that fell out of the booklet, but I won’t spoil it. Just a little extra to make the whole thing seem more real.

Poets and Madmen is an excellent album, and it fares well against the other rock operas that Savatage has done. Streets will always be the pinnacle, but Poets and Madmen can hold its own against The Wake of Magellan, and it easily out-does Dead Winter Dead.

4.5/5 stars

Also available was a CD single for “Commissar”.  The single contained two album tracks, as well as an exclusive instrumental called “Voyage”.  This acoustic piece was written and recorded by Al Pitrelli before his departure and it has not been reissued anywhere else.

REVIEW: Europe – Out of this World (1988)

This one comes to you by request of Jompa Wilmenius!

EUROPE – Out of this World (1988 Epic)

So here I am, in the same place that I was 26 years ago when I first heard Out of this World, by a band I just loved:  Europe.  It was late August of 1988.  The location is a quaint wooden cottage north of Kincardine, Ontario.  I bought this album at the local records & tapes store while on summer vacation.  The problem with August in Kincardine is that it was a crummy time to be on vacation.  It started to get cool in late August, dark and rainy.  That August was a damp one, and I have lots of memories of being in this exact same location trying to wrap my head around Europe’s then-latest.

From the first single, it was obvious to my friends and I that Europe had mellowed somewhat.  It seemed odd to me that a band of Europe’s stature would release something mid-tempo and softer as a first single.  But there was no questioning the quality of “Superstitious”. It remains one of Joey Tempest’s greatest compositions.  This song has it all:  A soulful vibe, anthemic Europe keyboards, an absolutely blazing guitar solo by Kee Marcello, and plenty of organ to go with this darker mellow vibe.

I don’t think this video did them any favors.

That considered, I expected the next song “Let the Good Times Rock” to sound more like upbeat, “old” Europe (which to me was The Final Countdown).  Although it has some cool guitar hooks and fun lyrics, it’s more of a laid back dark n’ dirty grind.  This furthered the feeling that Europe were softening a bit.

None of us were then aware that “Open Your Heart” was a remake of a song from 1984’s Wings of Tomorrow. Kee didn’t play on the orginal, so it’s cool to hear his take on it.  Even though this song was a ballad, it was undoubtedly hit single quality.  When this song failed to get any airplay here, I began to worry that Europe’s fortunes in this country were over.  I could not fathom how the song had not become a massive hit.  Europe were being ignored by the mainstream.  It was a shame.  I still think the re-recorded version is great.  As I said in my review for Wings of Tomorrow, “I prefer the re-recorded version, because it includes an additional guitar part, really cool and catchy, immediately after the acoustic intro.”


“More Than Meets the Eye” has nothing to do with the Transformers, but it does consist of more dark, keyboard-oriented radio rock.  It’s a very good song, but again, I was craving something more upbeat.  There was still hit single potential here.  “Coast to Coast” is equally good, but very soft.  This is a mournful organ-backed anthem. It’s peaceful, just like this cottage by the lake.  Quality-wise, this is top-notch.  However we are now five songs into the A-side, without a really truly upbeat sounding rock song.  The young me found this all a bit too depressing, though today I don’t mind the laid back vibes.

Then, finally!  “Ready or Not”!  A smoking rock song.  Everything the album needed.  When Joey sings, “Then rock me just a little more,” that’s exactly how I felt!  Coming from Canada, I often wonder how Europe’s Swedish fans, who had been on board much longer, felt about Europe’s new musical direction.

Side B commenced with the elegant keyboards of “Sign of the Times”.  The song feels highbrow, and perhaps musically it was too sophisticated for the tastes at the time.  It’s an excellent song, another keyboard-drenched anthem.  The shame of it is, the production (by Ron Nevison) robs the song of so much power.  Some things he captures quite well, such as Mic Michaeli’s organ.  Other things are weak by comparison.  Kee’s lead tone sounds cold…just like this cottage used to be in late August…and the rhythm guitars are not present enough.  The song could have had much more dynamics, heavy and soft, if the instruments were just recorded a little differently.

“Just the Beginning” isn’t anything special to me, a chorus without a song.  This one you can skip, there are better songs to be had.  “Never Say Die” is pretty good.  It too lacks that upbeat feel that I’m craving on a Europe album, but it’s good enough for me.  It has some great parts even if the whole isn’t all it should be.  The organ and guitar solos, for example, are a lot of fun.  Unfortunately “Lights and Shadows”, which follows, is just filler.

“Tower’s Callin'”, the penultimate song, is back to quality songwriting.  Even though the song has a cool groove (badly recorded once again) and a killer chorus, the lyrics are completely incongruous to the mood of the music!  The songs seem to be about an air disaster:

All set ready to go but little does he know
He ain’t comin’ back no more, no
All set ready to fly into that deep blue sky
Like so many times before
Now the tower’s callin’, there’s no reply
And there’s nothin’ they can do
Now the night is fallin’ before their eyes
Still no one’s comin’ through, callin’ F12

Or am I reading this with too much 2014 perspective? Perhaps the song is supposed to be more Twilight Zone in nature, a disappearing plane?

The final track is “Tomorrow”, a Joey Tempest piano piece that once again has to be one of his best compositions. It does close the album on a sad, rainy note…much like that August in ’88.

It’s obvious that I can’t separate my listening to Out of this World from feelings of nostalgia. For that reason, take my rating with a grain of salt. Although many may feel differently, I like this album. It has a weaker second side and way too many ballads, but Ron Nevison robbed the guitars of their thunder. The songwriting shines through on many tracks, as does the talent of the players. For those reasons:

4/5 stars

OUT OF THIS WORLD_0003

R.I.P. Warren Murchie

WARREN

I woke up this morning to find some sad, unexpected news: my friend, contributor and former customer Warren has passed away.  I know he had been sick in hospital in Switzerland.  I have only seen him once since he moved there many years ago, but we kept in touch.  He read my site regularly and contributed a lovely piece on the late bassist Randy Coven.

Warren loved the bass.  Actually he just loved music, period.  He was passionate about it, it was his life.  That and his wife, whom I know he loved very much.  As the tributes to Warren pour in, I find myself at a loss for words.  I know Warren loved the bass playing of Chris Squire, so the best I can think to do is post this, for my friend Warren.  I can’t believe we’ll never talk about music together again.

Rest in peace, Warren, and thank you for all you’ve done.

 

REVIEW: The Jerky Boys – Sol’s Rusty Trombone (2007)

Part 3 of a 3 part series on prank call CDs, dedicated to my buddy Peter!

Part 1: The Jerky Boys – The Jerky Boys
Part 2: Bum Bar Bastards – Tube Bar

TJBSRTTHE JERKY BOYS – Sol’s Rusty Trombone (2007 Laugh.com)

As stated in my review of the first Jerky Boys album, I have a fairly long history with these guys as a fan. Through thick and thin I stocked their CDs in-store, as their albums steadily got less and less funny. On this, their seventh (!) CD, which they had the gall to ask $10 for, they have completely given up. They’re not even trying anymore. How hard is it to put together a full album of prank calls?

My beefs with this CD are three:

1. This CD is billed as “The Jerky Boys”, but “The Jerky Boys” is in fact only one Jerky Boy now. This is essentially just Johnny Brennan. Kamal and all his characters are long gone.

2. There are only six prank calls contained here. Six. The rest of the album is padded out by useless ring tones and voicemails, all in the 10-20 second range. “Boy, I sure do want a CD of ring tones and voicemails from Johnny B of the Jerky Boys, I’ll pay $10 for it!”  Said nobody ever.

3. Even with all that padding, 98 tracks total, this CD is only 36 minutes long.  Perhaps that’s a blessing.

Buyer beware.

0/5 stars

REVIEW: Bum Bar Bastards – Tube Bar

Part 2 of a 3 part series on prank call CDs.  Dedicated to my best bud Peter.

Part 1: The Jerky Boys – The Jerky Boys

BBB1_0001

BUM BAR BASTARDS – Tube Bar (1993 Detonator)

Once again, my friend buddy Peter is to blame. He somehow got a hold of some of these prank calls on cassette back in the 90’s. One afternoon, I was hanging out at his place.  We were listening to comedy tapes, as we often did.  He hit play, and we spent the next half hour or so listening to two guys calling up the “Tube Bar” in New Jersey purely to antagonize the owner, Red Deutsch. A former heavyweight boxer, Red was a foul fountain of obscenity simply unheard of before on this Earth. He strung together swear words in ways novel and horrific, in that gravelly voice that sounded like he spent his mornings gargling glass.

The prank calls were all real. The tape became legendary, and somehow found its way into the hands of Simpsons creator Matt Groening. You know when Bart phones up Moe with those hilarious crank calls? And then Moe loses it and threatens to do nasty things to Bart? That’s all based on Red and the Bum Bar Bastards.

For example, the perpetrators call the Tube Bar looking for people such as Stu. Stu Pitt. Red calls out the name, not realizing what it sounds like, until it is too late. Upon realizing he’s been pranked again, he launches into a tirade that would strip paint.  Threatening life and limb, Red knows no limits.  I don’t know how they found this guy, but you can’t imagine a better victim. As Red begins to catch on to the prank callers (over what I assume is several weeks to months of harassment) the threats become more elaborate. To some, this is a cult classic.   I wouldn’t say that myself, but Red does make me laugh.  There’s not much difference between this and some of the crazy stuff you see on Youtube these days.

The CD consists of 6 tracks. Tracks 1 and 6 are all Red, the rest of the CD is padded out with bizarre toilet flushing sounds, songs, and prank calls to other people. This is all just filler. The CD is worth listening to only for Red; the rest is mostly unfunny. Choose your pricing accordingly.

2.5/5 stars

REVIEW: The Jerky Boys – The Jerky Boys (1993)

Part 1 of a 3 part series on comedy CDs – specifically, prank call albums!  Dedicated to my best bud, Peter.

THE JERKY BOYS – The Jerky Boys (1993 Select)

When this album came out back in 1993, it wasn’t available in Canada yet. Somehow, my best friend Peter caught wind of it. I think he read about the Jerky Boys in the Toronto Sun. Regardless, he knew it was available in the US. With a trip already planned for Frankenmuth, Michigan in April of ’93 (right after final exams), Peter and I made the trip with a secondary mission: acquire a copy of The Jerky Boys.  On cassette, so we could listen to it on the way back home.

Mission accomplished. We listened to that tape (I upgraded to CD later on) non-stop in the van. Literally, non-stop. As in, flip the tape, start over. And then do it again. The whole time there, and the whole way home. Within days we had started calling people “jerky” and incorporated words like “sizzlechest” into our daily vernacular.

That was a long time ago and Peter and I are older (and wiser?) now. But we both still like that first Jerky Boys album. I guess it’s because when I was a kid, I used to prank call people all the time. That was the 1980’s and well before caller ID. If we only could have mastered our craft, maybe we would have been like the Jerky Boys! If only we knew you could have made money doing this!

Anyway, long story short, this CD is for people with immature senses of humour, like me. It’s all prank phone calls, all real, mostly hilarious. There are several “characters” (played by Johnny Brennan and Kamal) who perform the calls. Most of the time, they’re responding to ads in newspapers.  Businesses abused by the Jerky Boys include lawyers, doctors and car dealerships.  Highlights for Peter and I were:

* “Auto Mechanic” – This was our favourite.  Johnny B is looking for a job, because at his old job he had problems with his “fucking boss”.

* “Egyptian Magician” – Kamal calls up a nightclub to audition his magic act. His magic tricks include “stabbing customer in eye with sabre” and “sicking a mountain cat on the crowd.”  (He is advised not to bring the mountain cat for his first show.)

* “Car Salesman” – He can sell anything, but don’t ask him why he wants to commute that distance. That’s his business, jerky!

* “Sushi Chef” – The caller repeatedly punctuates his sentences with the unintelligible words “Unnn gahhhh!” much to the confusion of the sushi restaurant.

* “Dental Malpractice” – I’m sure the receptionist answering the phone at this office knew it was a prank, but she doesn’t let on.

* “Sol’s Glasses” – The character of Sol can’t see goddammit, and wants new glasses. One problem – he’s not on file. He manages to keep them on the call for 3 minutes without cracking up!

Of the 21 tracks of obscene, juvenile humour, most of these are winners.  Even though I’m supposed to be a grown man, I still laughed upon hearing “The Home Wrecker”.  “Jocko Johnson” has split up with his wife and he wants to hire someone to tear her goddamn house down!  I still find it amazing that people didn’t just hang up, proving there’s a fool born every minute.  Same with “Super Across the Way”.  As soon as somebody says, “Look jerky, I don’t need to talk to you!” I would be hanging up!  But in New York (where the Jerky Boys are from) perhaps that’s just not the way.

Most tracks are from 1-3 minutes in length, and have a respectable laugh-per-minute ratio.

4/5 stars

TJB1_0002