WTF SEARCH TERMS: “Runny James Dio”

WTF SEARCH TERMS Part II: “Runny James Dio”

Welcome to the second installment of WTF Search Terms.  If you missed the first one, click here.  If you didn’t, then remember these two things:

1. Each of these are real search terms, typed in by real people on a search engine like Google.

2. Somehow, each of these search terms led them to ME!

So here’s 10 more for this installment!

  • A week isn’t a week unless I get hits from people looking for stuff like this.  I’m still assuming that people don’t know how to spell the word “lesbian”.

lebrain sex

lebrani nude 1

  • Here’s a good one:

why is here i go again not on reissue of slide it in

Because it’s not on Slide It In.  It’s on 1987, sillypants.

  • This guy can’t spell the singer’s name, nor the name of the site he’s looking for.

you too runny james dio neon nights

  • Here’s a selection that led people to some of my Kiss reviews:

just how bad is peter criss’ ’78 solo album?

was peter criss’ ’78 solo album really that bad

why did paul feel unwanted and alone in the carnival

patty stanley stripper

jean simmons with a moustache

  • And finally, if this guy had his way, we’d all be speaking Anglesh:

hmv dvd prices iron maiden maiden anglend

See you next time for more WTFs!

Anglend

Part 203: Bitchin’ About Staff Meetings

east-side-mario-s

RECORD STORE TALES Part 203:  Staff Meetings

I used to enjoy staff meetings.  When we were a small  chain, we’d gather all the employees up after work at one of the larger locations.  If memory serves (and Lord knows we’re talking about 18 years ago now), the boss even brought a case of beer to the first one.  We’d go over ideas, improvements, problems, shoot the shit, it was informal and it was great!  It was one of the only times we’d have everybody together in one room.

As we expanded, that became impractical.  We started having meetings with just the managers.  These were a bit more serious in nature, sometimes heated, but we held them at a restaurant.  The boss would pay for everybody’s beer and food, which was really cool.  We’d have a good time, it was for social purposes as well as practical.  We usually held these “Manager’s Meetings” in the closest East Side Mario’s.  Decent, not the greatest food in the world, but I liked it.

MOTHERSIt’s a shame this wasn’t the 1980’s.  Then we could have had the meetings at a place like Mother’s Pizza!  Mother’s Pizza was the best pizza place in town.  I went there for every birthday.  It was co-owned by Ernie Whitt, the catcher for the Toronto Blue Jays.  Later on, Cito Gaston bought in as well.  Mother’s.  Now that was a pizza.*

Ahem.  Sorry.  I tend to lose my train of thought when I talk about food.

We’d mess with each other.  I remember my boss had one pen that he just loved.  Loved it.  Freaked out when he misplaced it.  He’d run around the store yelling “WHERE MY PEN!” in a funny voice.  So somebody sneakily stole his pen just before the staff meeting.

We went to Mario’s for the meet.  Upon arrival, he complained a bit about misplacing his pen, but got on to business.  A short while later, one of the store managers was casually writing with it, nonchalant.  His pen.  His precious…waiting for him to notice it in someone else’s hands.

Suddenly, he saw.  He pointed.  “MY PEN!  MY PEN!  YOU HAVE MY PEN!” he yelled in that funny voice again.  Kids at the table next to us stared, wondering who this guy was!

Yeah, those were good times.  But as George Harrison said, all things must pass.  I’ve talked before about “The Great Change”, when CD sales started to slump.  Budgets got tighter, things got more serious.  Staff meetings were moved to a stuffy boardroom in the back of one of our stores.  We started receiving extensive emails with the “minutes” from the meeting, the mind-numbing minutiae.  This was a long way from beer and pizza.  The atmosphere was dour and the meetings sometimes dragged on for 2 hours.

After the meetings, I’d sometimes shoot the shit with one or two of the other store managers.

“What was that?” I would say.  “I could have said all that in one email!”

“Was there anything said in that meeting that couldn’t have been covered in one email?” someone asked rhetorically.

It was at one of these staff meetings that Joe dubbed me with the nickname Señor Spielbergo because of my thick beard.  But in the later days, that was one of the few moments of levity.  For me these meetings were just a stagnant waste of time.  Hours upon hours of time that I’ll never get back.

* I hear they opened a new Mother’s Pizza in Hamilton.  Maybe, for future record store kids, the dream of a staff meeting at Mother’s Pizza is alive again?  I hope so.

NEXT TIME ON RECORD STORE TALES…

Fuckin’ sHEAVY!

REVIEW: Steve Morse Band – StressFest (1996)

STEVE MORSE BAND – StressFest (1996 BMG)

Steve Morse certainly needs no introduction here.  What’s incredible is that the dude joined Deep Purple in 1994, released a Steve Morse Band album in ’95 (Structural Damage), and then both Deep Purple and SMB albums in 1996.  Even more incredible when you consider that Morse wrote all the material for the SMB albums himself, and co-wrote every track on Purple’s Purpendicular.  The man seems to have no shortage of ideas.

StressFest is another reliable Steve Morse Band album.  Joined by Dave LaRue and Van Romaine once more, the band  created another textured, varied album that skirts multiple genres with jaw-dropping chops.  There are traditional sounding electric blues jams like “Live to Ride”, more delicate moments, blazing guitars, funk, jazz, bluegrass, rock…a little bit of everything.

One cool tune is “4 Minutes To Live”, a soft composition with a “piano part” that is actually Steve playing through a guitar synthesizer.  But don’t let that scare you.  There are plenty of 64th-note thrills and chills, fast picking and deep bends.  Backed with the inventive drums of Romaine and the bouncy bass of LaRue, Morse’s songs are a challenging but rewarding listen.

STRESSFEST_0003What’s especially cool (and reason enough to check out an album like this) is, even though both Deep Purple and the Steve Morse Band are loosely classified as having some sort of relationship with progressive rock and serious musicianship, the music they create is nothing alike.  Morse’s guitar is the foundation of both, but there’s little overlap.  StressFest‘s songs wouldn’t work as a Deep Purple album, even though there are elements of them that could.  Likewise, Deep Purple’s material in general is quite different from the Steve Morse Band.

I remember my parents brought this CD back home to me from Michigan, because you couldn’t get it in Canada, even though it was distributed by a major label.  Sadly, it is still only available on import in Canada.  Bad, Canada!  Bad, bad Canada.

4/5 stars

STRESSFEST_0004

I love the cover art; that does look like a stressful day indeed!

Sh*t LeBrain’s Dad Says: Lil’ Shit

Sadly, unfortunately my sister lost her dog/best friend Ali this week.  Shortly before Ali passed, Kathryn was give another little puppy, an energetic ball of fur named Daisi (with an “i”).

It is my understanding that Daisi, while at my parents’ place, “piss and shit” all over the carpet.  Hey, it’s what puppies do.  But according to my dad:

“Little Shit is what I’ve named that dog.  Because it pisses and shits all over the house!”

Please welcome to our family, Little Shit!

LIL SHIT

REVIEW: Herbie Hancock – Quartet (1982)

Not really a part of the Aaron Challenge, but he did turn me onto this album.

HERBIE HANCOCK – Quartet (1982 Columbia Records)

I find it really hard to:

1) review albums outside my comfort zone, and

2) verbalize thoughts about instrumental music.

I will say this.  One glance at the back cover photos tells me all I need to know about Quartet.  The back cover of this CD screamed to me, “Open me now, because I will thoroughly blow your mind.”  Which is exactly what happened.  The Quartet are Herbie Hancock (piano), Ron Carter (bass), Wynton Marsalis (trumpet), and Tony Williams (drums).

HERBIE QUARTET

I fell in love with “Well You Needn’t” at exactly the 5:12 mark.  It’s an incredible performance to start with, bass and drums dueling with trumpet and piano, but in harmony.  At 5:12 though, it’s just momentarily otherworldly.  It’s synchronicity, and Carl Jung would have pooped his pantaloons if he’d lived long enough to hear it.

“‘Round Midnight” is a Thelonious Monk standard, as is “Well You Needn’t”.  It’s a nice laid back smoky barroom jazz, piano occasionally stealing the spotlight from the muted trumpet.  This song has me seeing black & white, like an old movie.  It picks up halfway through, with trumpet un-muted, and drums throwing cool beats out left right and center.

Ron Carter plays some wicked bass on “Clear Ways”.  “A Quick Sketch” is anything but quick, clocking in over 16 minutes long.  It sets a scene, again like a movie.  There’s some intrigue going on.  It’s lyrical, the instruments are telling a story.  “The Eye of the Hurricane” is frantic.  Its swift pace seems to inspire flurries of instrumental genius.

“Parade”, then, is the opposite; it’s quiet and deliberate.  Herbie’s piano is sublime.  It picks up a bit after a couple minutes, and it does contain some pretty manic solos.  This leads into “The Sorcerer”, a 7 minute workout with some blistering Wynton Marsalis trumpet work.

“Pee Wee” is another smokey barroom number, piano fluttering while the trumpet takes center stage.  Then it’s the piano’s turn, and it’s another lyrical moment. The final song is the ballad “I Fall In Love Too Easily”.  It’s now closing time at that smokey bar.  A few patrons remain but tables are being wiped down and chairs put away.  Last call.

At almost 70 minutes, Quartet was a double album.  Now on CD it’s a single disc, and if you can find the time to play the whole thing in one sitting I would strongly recommend that experience.

5/5 stars

REVIEW: Fight – A Small Deadly Space (1995)

Part 3 of a miniseries on Rob Halford’s solo career!  Missed the last part, Mutations?  Click here!

FIGHT – A Small Deadly Space (1995 Epic)

Russ Parrish was out, and in came youngster Mark Chaussee.   This change negated one thing I loved about Fight, which was the interplay between two different guitar players.  Chausee and Tilse are too similar in tone, and so the followup album A Small Deadly Space renders me deaf if I try to listen to it in one sitting.  The mix on this album bothers me, it has so much bottom end, but then not enough on top to balance it.  I don’t like the vocal effects that reduce the power of Rob’s voice.   Halford doesn’t scream much on A Small Deadly Space.

The songs are powerful enough, and this time Rob is writing with his bandmates.  The opener “I Am Alive” is slow and massive, unlike anything on War of Words.  “Mouthpiece” is different yet again, with a slippery riff and an accelerated pace.  “Blowout in the Radio Room” is actually psychedelic metal.  Halford sings about how music gets him high, and goes for a tripping druggy sonic assault.  The guitar solos are straight out of the Hendrixian Book of Knowledge, it’s just great.  “Never Again” is one of the few moments of Halford screams, and it’s like an injection of adrenaline!  This is a Priest-quality album track.

SMALL DEADLY_0003I still think of CDs in terms of being albums, of having a “side one” and a “side two”, and to me this sounds like a natural break between two album sides.  I like side one, but side two wears on me.   The title track has a wicked wicked cool sounding guitar solo, but it’s just one lick that repeats four times.  Typical 90’s simplicity.  Then there’s “Gretna Greene”.  The lyrical matter is that of abuse, but unfortunately this very important subject is relegated to the back seat by the title of the song.  Yes, it’s an O.J. Simpson trial reference.  That wouldn’t matter so much if the music stood up, but this song is pretty boring.  They stay that way until “Human Crate”, which is slower but a really cool song with powerful vocals.  The album ends with a ballad, “In A World of My Own Making”.  For the first two minutes it’s just a piano, and Rob.  It’s a side of Halford rarely heard.  Then the band comes in, and it becomes a slant on “Beyond the Realms of Death”.  Except…with flat sounding drums and brittle guitars.

But that’s not all, there’s also the super hard to find secret bonus track, “Psycho Suicide”.  It’s noisy and tuneless, but it sure is heavy, and I kinda like it.

So, I think I’ve been clear that I’m not a fan of the mix of this CD.  A Small Deadly Space was remixed as part of the 2008 Into the Pit box set.  As I get along in this series of reviews, I’ll revisit that box set and see if this album makes a new impression on me.

For now?

2.8/5 stars

SMALL DEADLY_0004

Part 202: Smoking Makes You Impotent

Be sure to “LIKE” the LeBrain Facebook page!

RECORD STORE TALES Part 202:  Smoking Makes You Impotent

My journal is full of interesting characters that I met daily at the record store.

Date: 2004/05/21

[Co-worker] was coming in from having a cigarette outside.  I was inside helping customers.

A funny little old lady asked if peanut butter was good for fixing CDs. I explained that your laser cannot read through peanut butter.

Then she told [Co-worker]  that smoking made you impotent. [Co-worker]  said thank you.

There are times I do miss it — but not too much.   Never will you meet more interesting characters then while serving the public!

REVIEW: Alice In Chains – The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here (2013)

ALICE IN CHAINS – The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here (2013 Capitol Records)

You know how in offices they have those phones with the little speaker in them, that plays the local radio station?  That’s how I first heard “Hollow” by Alice in Chains.  Not the greatest way to hear it.  I couldn’t hear the harmonies or the bass guitar.  The song came off as a dull drone and I didn’t like it. However Mandy Grant on 107.5 Dave FM said the album was lined up to be her album of the summer.  Then Tricky Nick gave it 5/5 and praised its genius!

Now it’s my turn to throw my hat in the ring.  I had no problem with Black Gives Way to Blue; yes it’s a sad album and we know why.  If anything I found some of the songs to be not memorable.  On the other hand, I found some of the softer material to be among Chains’ best.  Here, William DuVall does a great job.  I don’t get the sense that he’s trying to sound a certain way, but when he sings with Jerry it’s Alice in Chains.

CHAINS 3Onto The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here.  Love the title, love the artwork, love the packaging, but we’ll get to that in a few moments.  It’s an album that reveals more and more as you listen to it.  It’s really well produced for one.  Sonically, this is the best album Alice in Chains have ever made.  But musically, it peels like an onion:  brief guitar interludes, dual guitar harmonies, bass hooks, vocal flare, all of this stuff and more comes through when you spend some time with it.

I think I’d like to invent a new genre here and declare this record to be “Progressive Grunge Rock”.  It has elements of both, which really isn’t too much of a leap as Chains have always comprised some great musicians.  Mike Inez was one of my favourite bass players from his Ozzy days, and Sean Kinney is very creative with his symbol work and weird time signatures.  Only 2 of the 12 songs are under 5 minutes; the album clocks in well over an hour.  Unbelievably, it doesn’t drag.  This is accomplished with a combination of well written memorable hooks, and a variety of song styles.  Some moments recall mellow things like Jar of Flies, others the “Dog” album.  There’s also a lot of riffing and soloing that is pure traditional heavy metal.

Many reviewers have mentioned that this album seems a lot brighter than Black Give Way to Blue and I’m in agreement with that.  Keep in mind this is Alice in Chains and they’re not turning in a sunny-happy-joy-joy album at any time.  There is however a certain jubilant quality to this album that is quite infectious.

I keep waffling between favourite songs.  All of these are contenders:

  • “Stone”
  • “Voices”
  • “The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here”
  • “Breath On a Window”
  • “Scalpel”
  • “Phantom Limb”
  • “Choke”

There aren’t any weak songs, but for me those 7 are all really exceptional.  I really love “Phanton Limb”.  It’s one of the most “metal” in some respects but it’s also one of the most unique.  Its riff is just mechanically punishing.  “Voices” is like Jar of Flies meets Cheap Trick or something.

The packaging is really cool but fragile.  Mine arrived with a slight crack on it.  It’s a coloured red jewel case, but with a function.  Remember how G1 Transformers used to come with those “Tech Spec Decoders”?  You had to use this red plastic “decoder” to read the stats on the robot’s packaging.  You could still sorta read it without the decoder, but Alice in Chains took it a step further.  You can only read the lyrics by inserting the appropriate page into the jewel case.  There are big red XXXXX‘s over most of the words making them very difficult to read.  When you put the page under the jewel case, it’s easy!

Having lived with the album for a week now, I concur with Mandy:  I think the love will grow, and this will be one of my albums for the summer, too.  The most important thing about The Devil Put Dinosaurs Here is that it sounds like Alice in Chains.  There is nobody else out there that sounds like this.

5/5 stars

REVIEW: Sloan – peppermint (1992 EP)

SLOAN – peppermint (1992 murderecords EP)

I’m not a big fan of early Sloan.  I rarely listen to the first album Smeared (haven’t played it in years despite having two great singles on it).   I don’t really get into Sloan until their second album, the magnum opus Twice Removed.  I didn’t like them back then in 1992 at all; Sloan were the enemy.  A bunch of glasses-wearing short-hairs who pouted and didn’t play a lot of solos.  The antithesis to what I liked; and the Canadian embodiment of the kind of thing that was killing off my kind of music like a cancer!

So there’s that.  Listening to the peppermint EP today (I even hate that the title is all lowercase) still doesn’t do much for me.  “Underwhelmed” is an outstanding song, but this early slower version is just a patch on what it would later become.  I do like its lyrics, even though it contains these lines:

She skips her classes and gets good grades,
I go to my courses rain or shine,
She’s passin’ her classes,
While I attend mine.

Taken out of context, kind of lame; but the song is actually quite clever lyrically and one of their finer achievements.

Patrick Pentland’s “Sugartune” is catchy but not outstanding.  “Pretty Voice”, sung by Jay Ferguson is also one of the better tunes.  This one did not make the album Smeared for whatever reason.  It’s the first really fast upbeat song, and it has a bit of a tasty guitar riff to it.  It’s just recorded so damn muddy, as is all of peppermint.  And that’s my biggest obstacle to liking this EP.  It boils down to the sound.

Even though the band themselves are noisy and enjoy guitar squeals and feedback at this early stage, it’s not captured on tape. Instead there’s this dull roar of 90’s sounding guitars, without a lot of distinction.  I can hear bits and pieces of coolness and even genius, but only buried under the morass of the mix.

I even dislike the 90’s-indie cover art.  Boring.

2.25/5 stars