classic rock

#576: “Why’d You Lick My Pee-noose?” – The Sausagefest 2017 Countdown

GETTING MORE TALE #576: “Why’d You Lick My Pee-noose?”
The Sausagefest 2017 Countdown

By the time it was all over I fairly surmised that, personally speaking, Sausagefest 2017 (the 16th annual) was the best one yet.

There are many reasons for this. One happened by pure change.

The weather reports for the weekend were changing daily. I contacted Uncle Meat on Wednesday to tell him they were calling for rain all weekend. He responded, β€œNo they’re not, are you new?” But they were! And the next day, the forecasts had changed again.

By our Friday departure the skies were partly cloudy, but we’ve seen worse. After we arrived and set up our tents it started pouring for a short while. The old fire pit was flooded. When the rain stopped the decision was made to move the location for the Countdown, uphill on dry land. This was the first time the actual location had ever been changed after 15 years down by the river. It turned out that this was the best possible decision. The new location was wide open, more conductive to mingling and conversation, and as you have seen, provided some beautiful photographs. The new location will be permanent from now on.

I felt one of the reasons things went so well for me was good preparation, but that may not be the case. Uncle Meat also had a great time, and was so ill-prepared that he only arranged a tent to sleep in when we were halfway there! Way to be ready, Uncle Meat!

The vibe was right from the get-go and the Countdown began on time.

Highlights from the first night included some lesser-heard tracks:

  • Queen – β€œWe Will Rock You” – the β€œfast” version
  • Deep Purple – β€œVavoom: Ted the Mechanic”
  • Kiss – β€œShock Me” – live version from Alive II with solo
  • The Beatles – β€œHelter Skelter” – mono version
  • Queen – β€œMy Fairie King”
  • Mercyful Fate – β€œInto the Coven”

There were lots of cool tunes this year: 87 in total including tributes (more on those later). β€œIndians” by Anthrax was a perfectly appropriate song this year too, since I pulled a large chunk of my own recorded bits from the Brocket 99 CD, a spoof of reservation radio stations. (I voted for “Indians” as #22 on my list.)

And plenty more! You can check out the Countdown list yourself. It was also a treat hearing Ray Charles’ β€œMess Around”, which you probably know from John Candy in Planes Trains and Automobiles. Rainbow’s β€œLight in the Black” was a personal favourite for my air guitar workout.

The comedy sketches were on-point, and I had tears streaming down my face laughing so hard. The Lord of Lamb, Zach Britton, wrote a sketch regarding my insistence that a Bacon Big Mac is not the same thing as a Big Mac. Bacon is not in the Big Mac song, therefore a Bacon Big Mac is not the same thing. Britton rebutted me successfully, and hilariously. β€œLoosey Goosey” is now a catch-phrase. As a peace offering, he gifted me a bottle of Big Mac sauce.

The first night it rained, but it mattered not as we huddled in our waterproof tents. We were up by the crack of 10:00 to grab breakfast at the Spatula – not the β€œFlying” Spatula anymore, please note. They have officially changed the name of the place, but still offer the β€œFlesherton Fill-up” for breakfast. Not as large, nor as good as it was in the past. On the way up, Uncle Meat yelled β€œLoosey Goosey!” at anyone we passed on the road.

You have to give credit to our Spatula server Heather. I sat with Max β€œI’m kind of a big deal” the Axe, and I got to witness him working his magic on Heather the server. He promised her the last CD copy in existence of one of his albums. What a deal! Max told me I had a good singing voice. Was he hitting on me, too? Wayne also had a golden line at the store Top of the Rock, with the girl who was distributing bags of ice. β€œAre you the ice lady? Ice to meet you!”

There was a new exciting twist this year at the 16th Sausagefest. Submitting lists (aka β€œpaying your rock and roll taxes”) has long been a problem. Some people are always prompt. Those people were rewarded with an extra song, a β€œtribute” this year. Mine was The Police – β€œNext to You”. That was a blast for air guitar. You can see by the list at bottom, only eight people got tributes. That means only eight people got their lists in on time without nagging! Due to the amount of time it takes to compile the votes and actually record the Countdown, it was decided that this time, you must vote for 2018’s songs by the end of the weekend. And so Saturday afternoon was spent socially compiling lists. It was weird seeing a bunch of guys at Sausagefest with clipboards and pens, furiously writing, colluding and discussing. It was also successful. All lists are in. There will be a whole year to compile and record for 2018!

The second evening had more great rock. Ghost, Dunsmuir, The Sword, Iron Maiden, CCR, Floyd, Purple, Tenacious D, Sabbath and Zeppelin…all building up to the top ten. Not only building up to the top ten, but also setting up the very first Sausagefest live theater….

There were plenty of fake-out tracks in the top ten, as they pretended they couldn’t read the songs written on Uncle Meat’s upper thigh. Sabbath, Rush and Metallica were played eventually. After the #2 track β€œThe Immigrant Song” (Zeppelin), there was an announcement made.

Tom, father of four, the co-founder, the Captain himself, wanted to take a step back. Recording the Countdown was no longer possible for him, due to family demands at home. This made sense, since the guy does have four rugrats and was absent from some of the top ten due to a supposed argument with his wife about it. They saved the announcement for the #1 spot. Only one person was told in advance, and that was the immortal Lord of Lamb himself, Zach Britton. As the song lyrics state, β€œHe is the reason we still do this shit.” He was given a 20 minute heads-up to collect his emotions.

As the announcement was made, they said there would be no #1 song this year. They’d play it first in 2018. Instead, they played the traditional β€œHappy Trails” by Van Halen as Tom clinked glasses and shook hands with attendees. And then Zach got up to make a speech. He was obviously still shocked and upset by this sad turn of events.

His speech began as expected: melodramatic, sad, and stirring…until it was interrupted.

There was a 4 minute 30 second gap built into the Countdown…specifically timed for Zach to start his speech but not finish. All part of the pre-planned β€œlive theater”. Then….

β€œZACH BRITTON!” boomed the speakers.

Suddenly the Countdown recording continued, as a pre-recorded Bucky urged Zach to shut the fuck up and sit back down because he had just been pranked! Tom wasn’t retiring. Zach didn’t have a clue, nor did any of the rest of us! We all bought it, hook line and sinker, even though Tom has 12 months to record for 2018. It seemed so believable especially with that supposed β€œargument” with his wife built into the recordings. So I raised my goblet of Romulan Ale to Zach β€œthe Lord of Lamb” Britton for being a great sport and a diamond geezer! The β€œlive theater”, the first ever attempted at Sausagefest, was a tremendous success. As Uncle Meat said afterwards, β€œThey will never ever trust us again.” It easily could have gone sideways, if Zach didn’t stand up to make his speech. They were counting on him and he fell right into it. Brilliant live theater!

The actual #1 song, played after the live theater, was β€œCygnus X-1” by Rush, a fantastic song on which to close.

The following morning, we packed up to go home. As per usual, Uncle Meat kept singing and repeating one sentence. This year, it was a ditty called β€œWhy’d You Lick My Penis (Rectum)”.*

β€œWhy’d you lick my pee-noose…why’d you lick my pee-noose, rectum…” Over and over again. You can hear this on the Sausagefest video.

We made our way home, but for many of the guys, it was time to rock again. Five Alarm Funk played a free show in London on Sunday night, and a few tired β€˜Festers trekked out to party some more. Totally fitting, since Five Alarm Funk had three songs on this year’s Countdown.

What a Sausagefest! Best one ever? Until next year, maybe….

THE COUNTDOWN

1 Cygnus X-1 Rush
2 The Immigrant Song Led Zeppelin
3 Blackened Metallica
4 Heaven and Hell Black Sabbath
5 La Villa Strangiato Rush
6 Sweat Five Alarm Funk
7 Burn Deep Purple
8 When the Levee Breaks Led Zeppelin
9 Atlas Rise Metallica
10 Rocky Raccoon The Beatles
11 Green Machine Kyuss
12 The Chain Fleetwood Mac
13 Quick Death in Texas Clutch
14 Muffin Man Frank Zappa
15 Cloak of Feathers The Sword
16 Sabotage Beastie Boys
17 Consolers of the Lonely The Raconteurs
18 Space Truckin’ Deep Purple
19 Zenith Escalator Five Alarm Funk
20 Pigs (Three Different Ones) Pink Floyd
21 Cocaine Eric Clapton
22 Tribute Tenacious D
23 Wasted Years Iron Maiden
24 Fortunate Son CCR
25 The Mob Goes Wild Clutch
26 Smokey Funkadelic
27 Time Travelling Blues Orange Goblin
28 Supernaut Black Sabbath
29 46 and 2 Tool
30 Freya The Sword
31 Money For Nothing Dire Straits
32 The Lemon Song Led Zeppelin
33 Square Hammer Ghost
34 Hung on the Rocks Dunsmuir
35 Cosmo Bozo Orange Goblin
36 Layla Derek and the Dominoes
37 Electric Worry Clutch
38 Odyssey Kyuss
39 Catholic Girls Frank Zappa
40 Vidage 10,000 Mods
41 Nautical Disaster Tragically Hip
42 Skullduggin Black Joe Lewis
43 Squash That Fly Fu Manchu
44 Holy Wars Megadeth
45 I Should Have Known It Tom Petty
46 Great Gig in the Sky Pink Floyd
47 Heart of the Sunrise Yes
48 Inside Looking Out Grand Funk Railroad
49 Boston Rag Steely Dan
50 Lady Writer Dire Straits
51 Helter Skelter The Beatles
52 My Fairie King Queen
53 Into the Coven Mercyful Fate
54 After the Gold Rush Neil Young
55 Watcher of the Skies Genesis
56 Shock Me Kiss
57 Pusherman Curtis Mayfield
58 Domino Masters of Reality
59 The Soft Parade The Doors
60 Smoke 2 Joints Sublime
61 Cosmic Fiend The Black Crowes
62 London Calling The Clash
63 DeanTown Vulfpeck
64 Light in the Black Rainbow
65 Wha Cha Want Beastie Boys
66 Mess Around Ray Charles
67 500 Miles John Garcia
68 Ted the Mechanic Deep Purple
69 Ripoff T Rex
70 We Will Rock You – Fast Queen
71 Everyday People Sly and the Family Stone
72 (NOT SURE?) (Uncle Meat??)
73 Our Only Master Dunsmuir
74 We All Scream Five Alarm Funk
75 Dinosaur King Crimson
76 She Caught the Katy The Blues Brothers
77 Take Off Bob and Doug McKenzie
78 Indians Anthrax
79 Low Hanging Fruit Tenacious D
Β  Β  Β 
Β  Β  Β 
Β  TRIBUTES Β 
Β  Β  Β 
ALFRED Old Time Rock and Roll Bob Seger
LADANO Next to You The Police
MICHAEL Don’t Fear the Reaper Blue Oyster Cult
PHIL Sinner Judas Priest
FRANK Ride Captain Ride Blues Image Ltd.
TYLER W Belly of the Beast Anthrax
RYAN Paranoid Android Radiohead
ROB A Tricky Run DMC

*Search terms on that one oughtta be funny.

REVIEW: Alice Cooper – The Life and Crimes of (1999 box set)

ALICE COOPER – The Life and Crimes of Alice Cooper (1999 Rhino 4 CD set)

With the benefit of hindsight, 1999 was way too early for Alice Cooper to be looking back with a comprehensive box set. Β His new album Paranormal will be out this month. Β He’s been consistently touring and recording. Β The picture was different in 1999 though, since Alice had been quietly under the radar for much of the decade and there was no sign of new music coming.

This Rhino box set is pretty comprehensive. Β Though there are plenty more rarities out there to get on singles and elsewhere, Rhino served up a very generous selection of them. Β Starting in 1966 with singles by The Spiders and The Nazz, Alice’s sound begins to evolve. Β Those early bands were 4/5 of the original Alice Cooper group: Β only drummer Neal Smith had yet to join. Β The early singles are unfocused compared to what Alice was going to do in a couple years. Β “Don’t Blow Your Mind” and “Lay Down and Die, Goodbye” (sometimes known as “I’ve Written Home to Mother”) are sloppy psychedelia. Β “Hitch Hike” is like rockabilly. Β “Why Don’t You Love Me” is late 60s style rock and roll with a nice harmonica part. Β It sounds influenced by the Beatles.

A demo version of “Nobody Likes Me” is the first “official” Alice Cooper Group track and it sees the sound veer closer to where they were headed. Β It has a sing-song melody that recalls “School’s Out” later on. Β A few tracks from Alice’s first two albums (Pretties For You and Easy Action) demonstrate a work in progress. Β “Reflected” is an early version of something that would be re-written as “Elected”. Β The band was still very psychedelic and not as tight as they would become.

There is a sudden shift, and Alice Cooper emerges as the classic artist we know and love when he hooked up with producer extraordinaire Bob Ezrin. Β “Caught in a Dream” (a single edit) and a number of essential tracks from Love It to Death kick the box set right in the ass and it suddenly becomes a very engaging listen, when before it was just…interesting. Β A quintet of songs from the next album Killer are just as special, though including “Halo of Flies” would have been appropriate too.

Before heading into the School’s Out material there is a rare demo entitled “Call it Evil”. Β A small portion of the music would make it into the the classic West Side Story tribute “Gutter Cat vs. the Jets” (also included), but this is its own song and otherwise unreleased. Β The single version of “School’s Out” Β is an obvious inclusion, but these two are the only tracks from School’s Out, a baffling set of omissions. Β Granted, “School’s Out” plays like a concept album and is tricky to split up for a box set, but it is under-represented here, period.

Billion Dollar Babies is considered a peak of this period, and gets five tracks of its own, all brilliant. Β “Elected” is the single version. Β “No More Mr. Nice Guy” is a highlight of Alice’s entire career and it still sounds fresh. Β Another rarity ensues which is “Slick Black Limousine”, a UK exclusive flexi-disc release. Β It sounds more like early Alice Cooper group material, with Alice doing his best Elvis. Β The end of the original group was nigh, unfortunately, and Alice’s next album Muscle of Love was noticeably lacking something. Β Maybe it’s because Bob Ezrin didn’t produce it, but the band was also on the verge of splitting. Β Addictions were hurting them. Β They were still making great rock and roll, just not…as great. Β “Respect for the Sleepers” is a demo version of “Muscle of Love”, an unreleased track with lyrics inspired by Alice’s “dead drunk friends” (Jimi, Janis, Jim). Β There are more songs from Muscle of Love included than there were for School’s Out, which is odd but alright.

At this point, Alice split from the original band. Β Then there are a pair of rarities featuring Alice from an obscure rock opera called Flash Fearless Vs. the Zorg Women, Pts. 5 & 6. Β Before Queen, there was this Flash Gordon album and Alice’s tracks feature players like John Entwistle, Kenney Jones, Nicky Hopkins, Bill Bruford and Keith Moon as “Long John Silver”. Β “I’m Flash” and “Space Pirates” are mere curiosities, but it’s stuff like this that makes buying a box set so much more worth it. Β Where else would you hear these tracks? Β Both feature Alice’s delicious trademark sneer.

Alice’s solo career really began with 1975’s Welcome to My Nightmare. Β He and Bob Ezrin went all-in with an elaborate horror rock concept album featuring a number of classics. Β “Welcome to My Nightmare” and “Only Women Bleed” are single versions, and it’s fantastic that the blazing “Escape” was included. Β Another concept album, Alice Cooper Goes to Hell, was not as strong. Β Only two tracks are included, but both were singles. Β “Go to Hell” is a must-have.

The third CD in this box set commences a murky period. Β Alice was making albums frequently, but they weren’t as well received and many dwell in obscurity. Β Lace and Whiskey was pretty good, and “It’s Hot Tonight” is a great track to start the disc. Β Meanwhile, original band members Michael Bruce, Neal Smith and Dennis Dunaway formed the Billion Dollar Babies. Β They made one album called Battle Axe, and their cool rock track “I Miss You” is included. Β That’s a nice touch, because for the first seven albums those guys were as important as Vincent Furnier (aka Alice Cooper). Β Michael Bruce sings, but lead guitarist Glen Buxton was more or less incapacitated by addiction and wasn’t invited. Β “Battle Axe” sounds like a natural continuation of the Muscle of Love sound. Β A bunch more rarities are incoming: Β a torch ballad called “No Time for Tears” (unreleased) and “Because”, the Beatles cover featuring the Bee Gees. Β This was from that pretty mediocre Sgt. Peppers tribute album from 1978, so it’s great to be able to get it in a box set. Β Alice’s interpretation is creepy, and the Bee Gees are immaculate.

Moving on to his next solo album, Alice changed direction on From the Inside.Β  He had just gotten out of rehab (an actual mental hospital) and made a concept album with David Foster and Bernie Taupin about the experience. Β The title track is included as a single version, and you also get the beautifully campy ballad “How You Gonna See Me Now”. Β It was a single too, and its B-side “No Tricks” is also included. Β It is a duet with soul singer Betty Wright. Β Disc three is generous in rarities. Β Another one called “Road Rats” (produced by Todd Rundgren) is a decent rocker from a movie called Roadies.

Alice moved into the 1980s on Flush the Fashion which employed some new wave and punk influences. Β Its two best songs, “Clones (We’re All)” and “Pain” are included. Β 1981 brought Special Forces and more rarities. Β “Who Do You Think We Are” is a single version, and “Look at You Over There, Ripping the Sawdust from My Teddy Bear” is a synthy unreleased song pulled last minute from the album. Β Then there is “For Britain Only”, the stripped-back rocker from the EP of the same name. Β “I Am the Future” is a single version originally from 1982’s Zipper Catches Skin. Β Completing this era (sometimes called Alice’s “blackout period”) are a pair of tracks from DaDa (1983). Β Alice had moved as far as he would go into the high-tech synthesizer direction, and he soon cleaned up for good. Β A couple odds and ends tidy up the tracks from this era. Β “Identity Crisises” and “See Me in the Mirror” are previously unreleased songs from the Monster Dog movie (1984) which starred Alice. Β These are very low-fi tracks, but “Identity Crisises” is actually pretty cool.

The final track on the third disc is the first one from Alice’s big comeback period. Β “Hard Rock Summer” is a fun heavy metal rocker from the Jason Lives soundtrack. Β It’s cheesy but also previously unavailable. Β The fourth and final CD picks up there, with two more rarities from the same movie. Β “He’s Back (The Man Behind the Mask)” is included in demo and movie mix versions. Β Onto 1986’s Constrictor LP, you get the enjoyable “Teenage Frankenstein”. Β By 1987 Alice was telling us to Raise Your Fist and YellΒ on “Freedom”. Β The excellent “Prince of Darkness” is also from that album, but then there are two more rarities. Β Alice cut a re-recording of “Under My Wheels” with Axl Rose, Slash and Izzy Stradlin for the movie The Decline of Western Civilization Part 2: The Metal Years. Unlike many re-recordings, this one is well worth it because hey, it’s Guns N’ fuckin’ Roses.

Alice’s sound got slicker moving into the late 80s. “I Got a Line on You” is a Spirit cover from the movie Iron Eagle II. There is a notable shift towards mainstream hard rock, and this spilled over onto the next album Trash (1989). Β This box set has three songs from Trash, but one is the irritatingly bad title track featuring Jon Bon Jovi. Β His sound got a little tougher on Hey StoopidΒ (1991) from which you get a single version of the title track, and “Feed My Frankenstein” (also from Wayne’s World). Β The Hendrix cover “Fire” is the last song from this period, which was a B-side. Β Unfortunately another B-side called “It Rained All Night” is a superior song, but not included.

Alice took another short break between albums before emerging in 1994 with another critically acclaimed concept album, The Last Temptation. Β Alice shed the trappings of the 80s and the album is held in high esteem today as a diverse combination of the 70s and 90s. Β Three tracks represent it, but it’s hard not to wish “Side Show” was also included.

The Last Temptation was Alice’s last studio album when this box was released in 1999. Β In the meantime, Alice made friends with Rob Zombie who was obviously influenced by the Coop. Β They collaborated on a song called “Hands of Death (Burn Baby Burn)” for an X-Files CD. Β This box set has the unreleased “Spookshow 2000 Mix”. Β The track points in the direction of Alice’s next album Brutal Planet.

This box set is quite an epic journey, with many facets and side roads. Β A trip like this needs an appropriate closing, and Rhino did something interesting to do that. Β They broke the chronological format they used for the majority of the set, and slid in the acoustic rocker “Is Anyone Home?”. Β This was a studio track included on Alice’s 1997 live album A Fistful of Alice. Β This serves as the climax, and “Stolen Prayer” from The Last Temptation is the finale. Β “Stolen Prayer” is a powerful duet with the late Chris Cornell. Β It was always a perfect closer, but now it’s…also sad.

It should be obvious now that The Life and Crimes of Alice Cooper is a worthwhile box set even for fans who own every album. Β The wealth of rarities are just a taste, but they certainly scratch a lot of track off of collector’s lists. Β Many remain exclusive to this box set. Β On top of that, it is simply a good listen, bumpy start aside.

4.5/5 stars

REVIEW: Tesla – Five Man Acoustical Jam (1990)

TESLA – Five Man Acoustical Jam (1990 Geffen)

One of the great Unplugged albums of all time…isn’t even an “official” Unplugged album. Β That would be Tesla’s spontaneously released Five Man Acoustical Jam from 1990. Β Its hit single “Signs” absolutely helped set up the MTV Unplugged revolution.

With no intention of creating a live album, Tesla played a few acoustic gigs on off days and then recorded the Philly show for the archives. Β However a radio station in Boston started playing an acoustic rendition of “Signs” and plans were put in motion to capitalize. Β Thus Five Man Acoustical Jam came to be, a highlight of the Tesla catalogue that was almost completely unplanned.

“We’re just fuckin’ around tonight!” says singer Jeff Keith before “Heaven’s Trail”. Β Well then Tesla should spend more time fucking around. Β The looseness of the songs was so fresh for 1990. Β Tesla rolled the hits: “Modern Day Cowboy”, “Gettin’ Better”, “The Way it Is”, and of course “Love Song”, the only one with an electric solo. Β But because they were “just fuckin’ around”, there are also some very interesting covers: Β Beatles, Stones, the Dead, CCR and of course the Five Man Electrical Band. Β Tesla’s version of “We Can Work it Out” is awesome and incredibly fun. Β Less so with the Stones’ “Mother’s Little Helper” which is an unusually structured song to start with. Β “Lodi” by CCR was custom made for Tesla. Β “Signs”, of course what the smartest cover song decision the band ever made.

Five Man Acoustical JamΒ is a live album held in high esteem, for many good reasons.

1. A great selection of original material (old and brand new) that worked well in the acoustic format.
2. Choice covers.
3. Terrific recording, and 100% live with no fixes or overdubs.
4. Expert musicianship.
5. Humour.

Frank Zappa asked “Does humour belong in music?” The answer is “Sometimes”! One of those times is a loose, fun acoustic show. They could get away with playing a joke track like “Tommy’s Down Home”, written and sung by guitarist Tommy Skeoch. “I’d like to cut the balls off a long-haired hippie, and tie them up to a tree,” he sings gleefully.

The one single was the smash hit “Signs”, and it had a non-album B-side. Β “Little Suzi” (also a cover, but an earlier one) might be from the same gig. Β Jeff’s voice is shredded on this one, but it’s hella cool.

It’s probably fair to say that Tesla are underrated. Β They get stuck on tours with bands like Poison, who have nothing to do with the rootsy rock that Tesla has on offer. Β Tesla are better than that, and Five Man Acoustical Jam is actually a bit of an essential classic to own. Β  The irony is that Tesla’s most definitive live album is the one that was basically a fluke!

5/5 stars

 

RE-REVIEW: KISS – Animalize

TheΒ KISS RE-REVIEW SERIESΒ Part 25:Β 

 – Animalize (1984 Polygram, 1997 Mercury remaster)

Animalize: Β a huge hit not proportional to the quality of the songs inside. Β It went platinum on the strength of lead single “Heaven’s On Fire”, but going deeper into the record, Kiss did not have the goods this time.

New guitarist Mark St. John (formerly Mark Norton) replaced the fired Vinnie Vincent, and in doing so, continued Kiss’ quest for shreddery dominance. Β In the 80s you had to have an Eddie Van Halen or Yngwie Malmsteen to get noticed, or so it seemed, and that was what Kiss went for. Β In the meantime, Gene Simmons was off in Hollywood leaving Paul Stanley to do handle Kiss, something Paul eventually came to resent.

Paul Stanley re-teamed with his songwriting buddy Desmond Child. Β Their last collaboration was 1979’s disco hit “I Was Made For Lovin’ You” from Dynasty. Β The partnership struck gold a second time with “Heaven’s On Fire”, a simple song perfectly suited for the Kiss of the 80s and beyond. Β Paul Stanley’s “Woo-ooo-ooo-ooo-OOOOO-ooo” intro is legendary and truthfully a song like “Heaven’s On Fire” isn’t too far removed from classic Kiss. Β Paul’s sassy delivery is enviable.

Desmond Child also co-wrote the opening number “I’ve Had Enough (Into the Fire)”. Β As the 80s began, Kiss seemed determined to write fast songs for their albums. Β Very fast songs. Β “I’ve Had Enough” is one of those, and it’s a good one too, though it was rarely played in concert. Β You’d never guess Desmond was involved without reading the credits, but you’d also not imagine it was Kiss if it wasn’t Paul singing.

Another fine Paul song called “Get All You Can Take” is a co-write with Mitch Weissman whose name has repeatedly popped up on Kiss credits over the years. Β This slow paced sleazy rocker has one of the few Kiss f-bombs in the chorus: Β “What fucking difference does it make?” Β  Mark St. John’s solo is a blazing showcase of different tricks and techniques, but it suits the song rather awkwardly like an ill fitting tux. Β Such was the problem with a jazz-influenced shredder in Kiss.

Another fast number is “Under the Gun” written by Paul, Desmond and drummer Eric Carr. Β This one was played frequently on the Animalize tour though there are better songs. Β Fluttery guitars sound like laser beams zipping back and forth. Β Carr kicks ass, but it’s not a great track. Β Paul gets in a cute double entendre though: Β “There’s no speed limit where I’m coming from…let’s hit the highway doing 69!”

The final Paul song is probably the best one, although he has since criticized it as not good enough. Β “Thrills in the Night”, co-written with Jean Beauvoir, deserves praise. Β Sometimes the artist is their own worst critic, but “Thrills in the Night” is awesome, dramatic Kiss rock. Β The chorus goes on for weeks and the soloing fits.

If Animalize was a Paul Stanley solo EP, there would be enough good songs to give it a passing grade. Β However…we have the Gene Simmons songs.

Animalize shall forever be cursed as the album with the lyric, “I wanna put my log in your fireplace.” Β Yes, the man who once wrote a song with Bob Dylan also wrote a ditty called “Burn Bitch Burn”. Β The riff is awesome. Β It has its moments. Β It’s also undeniably one of Gene’s worst lyrics, and that is saying something. Β The song also sounds unfinished, as if he said, “OK good enough, onto the next song.” Β Fortunately Mark St. John’s solo playing is awesome, though not especially accessible. Β And that’s Gene’s best song on the album.

Gene’s other songs are “Lonely is the Hunter”, “While the City Sleeps” and “Murder in High Heels”. Β Of these, “Lonely is the Hunter” is by far the best. Β A slow sleazy groove is more up Kiss’ alley than these fast speed rockers. Β All three of these songs have one quality in common with “Burn Bitch Burn”, and that is that they sound like rough ideas gone unfinished. Β Animalize was produced by Paul (with a co-producer credit for Gene). Β A Kiss producer like Bob Ezrin likely would have told Gene to go back and come up with better material. Β The most interesting thing about “Lonely is the Hunter” and “Murder in High Heels” is the solo work. Β It’s stellar. Β It’s not overdone. Β It’s melodic and memorable. Β And it’s…familiar. Β Future Kiss guitarist Bruce Kulick stepped in to play ghost guitar on these songs.

The trend of Kiss using uncredited outside musicians was growing. Β Allan Schwartzberg (who also played on The Elder) did drum overdubs. Β Jean Beauvoir played bass on “Under the Gun”. Β Gene played the rhythm guitars on his own songs. Β That’s why the credits on Kiss albums always simply state: Β KISS – and the names of the members.

Gene cut his hair short for a movie called Runaway. Β He starred as the villain (of course) Dr. Luther, opposite Tom Selleck. Β Kirstie Alley was in it, and it was written and directed by Michael Crichton. Β Considering the year and the names involved, this was a fairly high profile role. Β Gene went for it, and has since admitted his brain wasn’t in Kiss at the time. Β The wig he wore on stage with the band made him look silly, and new fans considered Paul the singer and Gene a secondary guy. Β Gene’s songs weren’t singles anymore. Β They weren’t being played live. Β “Burn Bitch Burn” was only ever played once! Β These were all clues as to what was going on behind the scenes. Β Paul was sailing the ship now. Β He had no choice. Β Animalize suffers for it. Β Gene is to blame for his own downfall during the period and has since gracefully accepted that.

The Animalize tour was the biggest Kiss had done since the glory years, but troubles began early. Β Mark St. John couldn’t play. Β He was diagnosed with an arthritic condition called Reiter’s Syndrome. Β His hands swelled up and he simply could not do the gig. Β Mark passed away in 2007, but suggested that the arthritis may have been triggered by stress. Β The aforementioned Bruce Kulick stepped in to take his place, and did so with professionalism and respect. Β He got along with everyone. He was willing to learn. Β He was a great fit. Β The first great fit in many years.

The Animalize period put Kiss on MTV and on back the radio again, but its success was vastly disproportional to its quality.

Today’s rating:

2/5 stars

Uncle Meat’s rating:

2/5 steaksΒ 

Meat’s slice: Β There really isn’t much to say here. “Heaven’s on Fire” is a good song that I still enjoy hearing. Everything else is OK at best and non-essential. “Burn Bitch Burn” might have some of the worst lyrics of all time.

Favorite Tracks: Β “Heaven’s on Fire”

Forgettable Tracks: take your pick

To be continued…

Original mikeladano.com review: Β 2012/07/31

REVIEW: Tesla – Bust a Nut (1994)

TESLA – Bust a Nut (1994 Geffen)

During my first few weeks at the Record Store, one of the new releases I got to deal with was the new Tesla, Bust a Nut. Β My boss cracked open a copy to play in store, but he wasn’t impressed.

“It sounds the same…” he remarked. Β “It’s just the same.”

Gosh, Tesla didn’t go grunge or rap in 1994? Β What a crime. Β No, instead Tesla stubbornly continued, as they always have, without bowing to trends. Β Bust a Nut wasn’t a successful album, but it was a damn good one. Β To call Bust a Nut “the same” sells it short. Β It sounded like Tesla, but a tad heavier and more diverse. Β Of course, this being Tesla, there must be ballads too.

“The Gate” invites you in via chugging guitars and squealing six-strings. Β It merges into “Invited”, a hell of a fine introduction. Β “Invited” reflects the light and shade of Tesla in one song: Β the mournful acoustic verses, the heavy and catchy choruses, all grounded in a solid classic rock vibe. Β Tommy Skeoch and Frank Hannon made one fine guitar duo, and the layers of instrumental goodness will keep you interested and digging for more. Β Heavier still is “The Solution”, which is about as metal as Tesla have ever been. Β Songs about environmental conservation are more relevant than ever: Β “Mother nature’s on her knees, and we’re the reason for her disease.” Β Very true, Jeff Keith. Β “If we’re gonna make it through tomorrow, the solution is to make a change today.” Β Tesla have never used such a grinding, detuned riff like this before. Β What’s this about it being “just the same”? Β Tesla didn’t go grunge, but they were able to go harder within their own style.

A brilliant track called “Shine Away” uses the soft/loud dynamic popularized by grunge, but that chorus is brighter than the sun. Β Enjoy some patented Tesla guitar harmonies which always sound as if inspired by Thin Lizzy, though this time verging on Iron Maiden! Β Time to cool things down with a ballad, and “Try So Hard” is a lovely one in the acoustic mold. Β A good variety of tunes occupy the rest of side one, but the next obvious standout is “Action Talks”. Β This is as angry as Tesla get, even dropping a “fuck you!” in the lyrics. Β It’s difficult to imagine that the same band can do “Action Talks” and “Try So Hard”!

Bluegrass and heavy bluesy rock collide on “Mama’s Fool”, as Tesla have never been afraid to mix genres. Β Sharp fans will recognize the opening and closing acoustic patterns as the same as “Government Personnel” from Psychotic Supper (1991). Β A slamming beat drives the tense “Cry”, a killer track based on a simple riff. Β Dig that theremin! Β “Rubberband” returns to the soft/loud format, and the loud part is fucking killer. Β The chorus goes on for days and sticks like glue. Β Another heavy groove called “Earthmover” earns its title, but some of the best tracks on side two are the ballads. Β “A Lot to Lose” is likeable, and “Wonderful World” begins with a southern acoustic flavour. Β Best of all is the fun closer, the old Joe South hit “Games People Play”. Β It’s Tesla-fied, and the sitar is ditched in favour of more traditional rock instrumentation. Β It’s transformed into a soul-gospel-rock and roll good time.

Tesla fired Tommy Skeoch (too many drug problems) and went down to a quartet before splitting up. Β Thankfully they have enjoyed a long and quality-driven reunion since 2001. Β Bust a Nut is an unsung highlight of their catalogue, and an album you’d be well advised to pick up.

4/5 stars

REVIEW: AC/DC – The Razors Edge (1990)

AC/DC – The Razors EdgeΒ (1988, 2003 Epic remaster)

The 80s were bumpy for AC/DC. Β Back In Black was massive. Β For Those About to Rock was almost as big. Β Flick of the Switch was a solid ball of rock, but things were uneven and some songs were filler. Β Fly on the Wall has its detractors for its muddy sound, and Blow Up Your Video was mostly a snooze. Β For their 1990 comeback, AC/DC got Canadian mega-producer Bruce Fairbairn involved.* Β He had a huge run of hit albums most notably by Bon Jovi and Aerosmith. Β Could he work his magic with AC/DC?

Bruce was one of the biggest names around, but having a hitmaker like him working with AC/DC was bound to affect their sound. Β Not too much of course; this was AC/DC after all. Β But Bruce did offer a cleaner sound, and there is no question it worked. To the tune of five million copies! Β Another change was bringing in ex-The Firm drummer Chris Slade after the departure of Simon Wright, who joined Dio. Β The bald-headed beat keeper became a fan favourite very quickly. Β (Slade is once again the drummer of AC/DC today after replacing Phil Rudd.)

Debut single “Thunderstruck” has deservedly become a classic in the pantheon of AC/DC classics. Β It was immediately obvious that AC/DC toned down the bluesy leanings of Blow Up Your Video in favour of rock and even arguably metal. Β “Thunderstruck” is heavy metal, especially with that fluttery Angus Young lick that dominates the song.

Chris Slade’s hyper-caffeinated drum stylings really impact “Fire Your Guns”, one of the fastest and most fun AC/DC tracks in recorded history. Β Any AC/DC song that involves them yelling “fire!” is guaranteed to thrill. Β Not to be ignored is bassist Cliff Williams who is effortlessly locked in with Slade. Β And sonically this is the best sounding AC/DC stuff since Back in Black. Β Singer Brian Johnson said at the time that Bruce Fairbairn encouraged him to scream more like the old days.

Another huge single was the plucky “Moneytalks”, bringing the groove down to a perfect mid-tempo. Β The main thing is the hook of the chorus. Β Though all songs were written solely by the Brothers Young, you can hear Bruce Fairbairn’s impact. Β It’s tight and focused more than AC/DC had been last time out. Β No doubt Bruce acted as a brutal editor in the studio when necessary, and must have had a role in shaping the songs to their final form. Β Listen to the layers of vocals on the chorus and tell me that’s not Bruce’s doing.

Some of the best AC/DC tracks in history have been deeper album cuts. Β The title track is one such song, an ominous almost-epic. Β “The Razors Edge” refers to a storm front on the horizon, and the song has that kind of foreboding feel. Β Unfortunately this friggin’ incredible construction of guitars and screams is followed by a novelty track. Β A seasonal novelty track. Β “Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all day the day. Β I can’t wait til’ Christmas time when I roll you in the hay.” Β This song should have been axed and saved for a compilation or single, where it actually could have had some impact. Β Not that it’s not fun; it is! Β But who wants to listen to jingle bells on track five of an AC/DC album? Β “Rock Your Heart Out” closed the side with the dubious distinction of being the first obvious filler song.

The third single “Are You Ready” was the opening track for side two. Β Good tune, nothing particularly special, but good enough for an AC/DC album. Β “Got You By the Balls” is an amusing title, but not a memorable song. Β It has a menacing bite, but not enough hooks. Β There’s a definite “side two slump” as none of these songs are as good as the first batch on side one. Β “Shot of Love” is OK. Β Things get back on track with “Let’s Make It” which might have made a great single itself. Β It has an old-timey rock and roll feel, and a slow groove. Β That classic rock and roll sound isn’t heard frequently on The Razors Edge. Β “Goodbye and Good Riddance to Bad Luck” isn’t shabby but veers close to that filler territory. Β Finally The Razors Edge comes to a campy end with the unusual “If You Dare”. Β Fortunately it’s a great, hooky little closer.

As it turns out, The Razors Edge was a one-off of sorts. Β It spun off a successful live album, also produced by Bruce Fairbairn, but that was the end of their partnership. Β A 1993 single called “Big Gun” sported a ballsier sound provided by Rick Rubin who went on to do their next album as well. Β The Razors Edge is also the only studio album with Chris Slade. Β Phil Rudd returned, reuniting the classic Back In Black lineup. Β No one will question that Rudd is the best fitting drummer that AC/DC have ever had, but that doesn’t negate Chris Slade’s contribution. Β Slade and Rudd do not sound alike, and therefore AC/DC acquires a different flavour with him in the band. Β His cymbal work is enviable and nobody can play “Thunderstruck” like Chris Slade, period.

3.5/5 stars

*Much to the upset of the Scorpions who had tapped Bruce to do their next album Crazy World. Β That didn’t happen because of the AC/DC job.

REVIEW: Europe – Best Ballads (unauthorized Russian release)

EUROPE – Best Ballads (1999 unofficial Russian compilation)

Ah Russian imports! Β Those funky and cheaply printed covers, the lack of liner notes or label information…how quaint. Β It is clear the Tempest Administration had no collusion with anyone in Russia. Β Yet the Russians did hack their database and release Best Ballads anyway, a weird collection of 12 Europe songs and three solo tracks by Joey Tempest. Β This CD originated during the period right before Europe’s triumphant reunion album Start From the Dark, so Best Ballads only contains music from the first five Europe discs.

Because it’s unauthorized and the Russians can do whatever they want, why not have both versions of “Open Your Heart” on one CD? Β The sweeping 1988 version from Out of this World inaugurates the album, a brilliant version often forgotten in favour of the 1984 original. Β What’s the difference? Β John Norum played on the 1984 version from Wings of Tomorrow, and the re-recording has his replacement Kee Marcello. Β The 1988 version also has more modern keyboards added. Β Since both are included, you don’t have to pick a favourite. Β We can all agree it truly is one of Europe’s Best Ballads.

What else is present? Β The “big one” of course, which would be “Carrie”. Β It’s the only track from The Final Countdown, because it was the only hit ballad from that album. Β Other crucial Europe ballads: Β “Dreamer” (Wings of Tomorrow), “Coast to Coast” and “Tomorrow” (both fromΒ Out of this World). Β All timeless and flawless ballads. Β From their first album (1983’s Europe) are a couple songs I wouldn’t have considered ballads. Β In my review, I stated that “Words of Wisdom” has “an acoustic verse [but] that doesn’t make it a ballad!” Β The other track, “Return of the King”, is “still pretty epic and wouldn’t be considered wimpy by anyone”. Β Do they belong on a CD called Best Ballads? Β Who gives a fuck; it’s just a Russian import!

You’ll even find a couple rarities included. Β “Sweet Love Child” and “I’ll Cry For You (Acoustic version)” are both B-sides from the Prisoners in Paradise (1991) period. Β  The title track “Prisoners in Paradise” is also present but again, not really a ballad. Β Either way…all the Europe tunes included are fantastic no matter how you classify them. Β Each one has at least a foot in ballad territory so it all works out.

But what about those Joey Tempest “bonus tracks”? Β Surprisingly good and un-Europe. Β “Under the Influence” flies close to adult contemporary levels. Β “Lord of the Manner” could have been a hit for Rod Stewart, but that’s not a bad thing! Β This is more like soft rock than balladeering. Β “Elsewhere” sounds more like a ballad, enhanced with strings and all the accoutrements. Β All good songs and worth checking out.

Europe’s Best Ballads is not a bad little CD, but being an unofficial release, it’s difficult to reason out a rating out of 5. Β I did the best I could.

/5Β Π—Π’Π•Π—Π”Π«

REVIEW: Aerosmith – Big Ones (1994)

AEROSMITH – Big Ones (1994 Geffen)

There is an informal rule that a band should have at least three albums out before they entertain the idea of a live or “greatest hits” release. Β Aerosmith obviously had lots of albums out in 1994, but on two different labels: Β Columbia, and Geffen. Β Their 1994 best of, not-so-cleverly titled Big Ones, drew from only three Geffen albums. Β Therein lies its weakness, though Aerosmith have often had issues trying to balance their classic and pop hit eras on compilations. Β Big Ones is easily made redundant by later compilations, but how is it for a straight listen?

A long one: Β 73 minutes with lots of hits and perhaps a few too many ballads, although there is no denying their chart power.

Three songs were new to the majority of buyers. Β “Deuces Are Wild” was a fine ballad, one of their best from this era. Β It wasn’t entirely new; it was written for Pump and considered for Get A Grip before being released in 1993 on the Beavis and Butt-head Experience CD. Β The other two were brand new recordings: Β “Walk on Water” and “Blind Man”. Β Fans who dug the heavy Aerosmith on tunes like “Eat the Rich” will enjoy “Walk on Water” as one of their harder rockers. Β OK song, but long forgotten now. Β Unfortunately “Blind Man” is just another ballad, this one similar to “What It Takes” from Pump. Β It’s the better of the two new songs, but sadly another ballad is not what Big Ones needed.

Making this CD even less valuable to buyers, every single track is on the later albumΒ Young List: The Aerosmith Anthology (2001). Β  Even the three new songs!

Otherwise Big Ones plays much like a run-though of Aerosmith’s radio staples that you can hear on the FM dial just about everywhere. Β Each and every big hit from the three massive Geffen albums is here. Β How often do you need to hear “Crazy”, “Cryin'”, “Amazing”, “Janie”, “Rag Doll”, “Angel”, “Dude”, “Elevator” and the rest? Β That is up to you.

Even the cover art is devoid ofΒ imagination.

2/5 stars

REVIEW: Sammy Hagar – “Give to Live” (12″ single)

SAMMY HAGAR – “Give to Live” (1987 Geffen 12″ single)

Sammy Hagar released his solo album I Never Said Goodbye in 1987, right when he was still in Van Halen. Β It was co-produced by Sammy and Eddier himself. Β It was a mixed bag, with some killer tunes and a few things that were far too wimpy. Β A couple singles were released, and “Give to Live” was the best. Β As a power ballad, it probably could have suited any of the Van Hagar albums except For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge. Β That’s Eddie on bass, by the way, and listen to how great he is. Β No surprise, right? Β When you’re as great at music as Eddie Van Halen is, it must be hard for other musicians to cut it in his eyes. Β (Cough cough Michael Anthony cough.)

Also on the A-side is album opener “When the Hammer Falls”, an OK rock track. Β As discussed in the album review for I Never Said Goodbye, “When the Hammer Falls” has a good riff but not much of a chorus. Β That’s too bad since it was one of the hardest rockers on the LP. Β (And just listen to Eddie’s bass…again!) Β you can’t hit a homerun every time, though there’s nothing here to be embarrassed of.

If you buy the single, there’s no point unless you get the 12″ with the non-album bonus track. Β On the B-side you will find the full-length version of “Standin’ at the Same Old Crossroads”, which was only 1:46 on album. Β It served as an introduction to the song “Privacy”, but on this single it’s unedited. Β This is a real treat for fans of Sammy’s underappreciated guitar playing. Β The song is just Sammy and an electric slide guitar, bluesing it up. Β The intro is longer and there’s a lot more playing than the album version. Β Stuff like this is the reason to have B-sides and buy singles in the first place.

3.5/5 stars

RE-REVIEW: KISS – Killers (1982 import)

The KISS RE-REVIEW SERIES Part 21: Β 

 – KillersΒ (1982 Casablanca, German and Japanese versions)

No matter how you feel about Kiss’s concept album Music From the Elder, it was a commercial dud. Β It was Kiss’ first serious flop as a band since hitting the big time in 1975 with Kiss Alive!Β Β More significantly, it was part of a trend: Β Kiss chaos. Β Since the solo albums, Kiss were fragmented. Β The band weren’t playing on all the songs anymore, and members were leaving. Β They had strayed from their music roots and become a comic book novelty act. Β The Elder was not so much an album that people didn’t “get”, but one they didn’t care to “get”. Β Fans were moving on.

The European record label, Phonogram, was in damage control mode. Β They drew up plans to issue an album consisting of new and old songs; a compilation to put some money back in the coffers. Β They weren’t mucking around. Β They wanted a batch of new rock songs, but Kiss had effectively become a trio. Β Ace Frehley hadn’t left the band officially, but he was no longer involved creatively. Β Filling the guitar slot again was Bob Kulick. Β As he did on Kiss Alive II, Bob played lead guitar on the new songs. Β A 1988 book called Kiss: Still on Fire also named Ratt’s Robbin Crosby as a guitar player on the new songs, though this is a claim not backed up in any other source. Β Paul provided the new songs, written withΒ old and new friends: Β Mikel Japp, Adam Mitchell, and some Canadian guy named Bryan something. Β Bryan Adams? Β Cuts like a knife indeed! Β Adams co-wrote the lethal “Down On Your Knees”, and it wouldn’t be his last songwriting credit with Kiss either.

The best new tune in the batch was called “Nowhere to Run”, and it was one of the rockers that Kiss were working on before they decided to do The Elder instead. The sheer quality of this Stanley-penned underdog really supports the theory that doing The Elder was a mistake. Β “Nowhere to Run” was classic Stanley, as good as anything on his solo album and exactly the kind of song that Kiss should have been doing. Β In an alternate universe where The Elder never came out, what could have happened to Kiss? Β Unfortunately the new compilation called Kiss Killers was never released in North America. Β  “Nowhere to Run” could do very little to change Kiss’ fortunes without being released in their native country.

The second-finest of the new songs is a little ditty called “I’m a Legend Tonight”. Β Paul has somewhat disowned these songs since, but it is really hard to understand why. Β This is a hard hitting Paul rocker, as only Paul can do. Β It’s all innuendo and hot guitar licks. Β The riff is simple and hooky, while Kulick plays for all he’s worth. Β No longer was Bob being told to “play like Ace”. Β His signature scorch really makes these new songs sound like a continuation of the Paul Stanley solo album. Β Then there is “Down on Your Knees”, the one with Bryan Adams’ fingerprints on it. Β It’s hard to tell, although it’s not outside the Adams ballpark. Β It’s a sleazy rocker, spare and sounding great. Β The new tracks were produced by Michael James Jackson, who finally captured Eric Carr’s drums properly. Β Bob Ezrin buried them under mud on The Elder. Β Kiss Killers sounds more like the real Eric Carr debut album. Β The last of the new songs, “Partners in Crime”, is the weakest of the four. Β Paul takes it down to a slow sexy grind, but “Partners in Crime” lacks the charisma of the other three.

As far as the new songs could be considered a “comeback”, it’s close but no cigar. Β There’s no discernable Demon. Β Where is Gene Simmons? Β The lack of any audible Simmons vocals makes you question whether he even played bass on the new songs. Β Regardless, Kiss is about a balance between Gene and Paul, and Killers represents the first heavy skew towards Paul.

 

The hits on the record make for great listening. Β Most of the key bases are covered: Β “Detroit Rock City”, “Shout it Out Loud”, “Love Gun”, “God of Thunder” and even “I Was Made for Lovin’ You”. Β There are no Peter Criss songs, and the only Frehley is “Cold Gin”, which Gene sings. Β The only ballad is “Sure Know Something”, a minor hit in Germany where this album was issued. Β In a cool touch, the record closes with the “live” (quotation marks!) version of “Rock and Roll all Nite” that made them superstars. Β It is the more well known, and arguably superior version. Β (Some of the other tracks are edits or single versions.*)

Kiss’ very first Japanese bonus tracks were on Killers. Β The Japanese version is an even better listen. Β They put a bonus track in the second-to-last position on each side: Β “Shandi” (massive hit in Australia) and “Escape From the Island” (previously unreleased in Japan — it wasn’t included on their version of The Elder). Β “Shandi” is just a great fucking song, and “Escape From the Island” is a cool inclusion because of a) its obscurity, and b) its total Ace Frehley shreddery. Β It is interesting to note, that only Japan had tracks from the two most recent Kiss albums, Unmasked and Music From the Elder. Β The rest of the world did not. Β Were Kiss already trying to bury those records?

Periodically, the new songs on Kiss Killers have reappeared on single B-sides, compilations and box sets. Β The best way to get them is just to pick up a copy of Killers. Β Choose your format, sit back and rock!

Today’s rating:

4/5 stars

* “Shout it Out Loud” is a single version with a different mix on the lead vocals and an early fade. Β “Detroit Rock City” and “I Was Made for Lovin’ You” are edited versions.

Original mikeladano.com review: Β 2012/07/27