ontario

REVIEW: Jaymz Bee & the Royal Jelly Orchestra – ClintEastWoodyAllenAlda (1997)

JAYMZ BEE_0001JAYMZ BEE & the ROYAL JELLY ORCHESTRA – ClintEastWoodyAllenAlda (1997 BMG)

Only one of the reasons that Jaymz Bee is totally awesome is that his name isn’t even really James B.  He’s actually a James D, from North Bay Ontario, and he is one whacky fellow.  A TV music veteran from the Look People (which also spawned Kevin Hearn, future Barenaked Lady) and the Ralph Benmegui show, the man is actually quite a musical genius.  After the TV stint, Jaymz teamed up with Jono Grant and immersed himself in lounge music.  I have to credit T-Rev for discovering this disc in the late 90’s and turning us onto it.  He was all about the lounge music at the time, and Jaymz was catchy and hilarious.

“Man Can Fly” opens the album on a distinctly campy note, but listen to those bass chops and that flute solo!  T-Rev, who was always a jazzbo, gave this CD a few fair spins in-store and you can hear why.  It’s a great, bright sound that’s perfect for work.  “The Man in the Saucy Suit” could work as background music for a Bugs Bunny mapcap adventure, and the lyrics are quite witty.

Our favourite song was usually “You Put the Babe in Baby”, a fast dexterous jazzy tongue twister.  Freakin’ incredible, and now I need to pause for a cocktail.  Thankfully, the CD jacket has recipes for three suitable drinks: the Berlin Martini, the signature Jaymz Bee Martini, and a Rob Roy!

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“Amazon Sugar Pie” is a delightfully jaunty jungle journey with zoot suits and swing.  Then on “Tony Bennettless”, Jaymz advises us that no party can swing if it is Tony Bennett-less, and he makes a convincing argument.  “Free food and free booze, no it don’t mean a thing,” if a bash is Tony Bennett-less.  “A Dog Like You” is another chaotic tongue twister, lyrically hilarious and musically top drawer.

The most surprising track is “A Groovy Movie”, the most straightforward rocking-est of the songs.  The humour and swing is intact, but this time you can get down and dance like Austin Powers back in the 60’s again.  I think the most interesting song is the slinky, snail-y quiz show sounding title track.  It’s fun to try and figure out the compound names before Jaymz gives them away in the words… “BuffySaintMarieAntoinetteFuniCelloBiafra”?  “RickJamesDeanMartinShort”?

“Music to Watch Girls By” is yet another fun 60’s swing, and “The Future Keeps Kicking My Ass” is nocturnal and slinky goodness with a Tom Waits vibe…but the closer “Nails” is manic musical insanity.  It’s another lyrical masterwork of wit.  “Nails! You bang ’em with a hammer! Nails! You cut ’em or you grow ’em…” and you’d be surprised just how many things you can do with nails according to this song, but then we diversify to snails, whales, jails, and finally back again to nails!  Best line: “Whales: One swallowed Fred and Barney Rubble!”  (You remember that episode, I know ya do.)  And stay tuned for the hidden bonus track, in French.

Brilliant with humour like a great Zappa disc.  Buy it.

4/5 stars

REVIEW: Paul MacLeod – Gauge (2011)

The fifth and latest review from Mike and Aaron Go to Toronto…Again!  Aaron gave me this CD…thank you dude!

This is also a SIMULTANEOUS REVIEW!  Aaron has reviewed the same album today: take a look!

GAUGE_0002PAUL MacLEOD – Gauge (2011 Busted Flat Records)

I’ve wanted to check out some solo Paul MacLeod for a while now.  I’m a huge fan of the one and only album he released with Hibakusha, the best album Rush never made.  Gauge is not like Hibakusha.  Gauge is an acoustic record, a format that does not always appeal to me.  In this case, the attraction was immediate.  These songs are incredible.

The proceedings commence with the old-tymey fun of “Be My Girl”.  Even though it’s a MacLeod original, it sounds like it could have been written in the 1930’s.  I love that about it.  If you put scratchy record sounds over it, you might not be able to tell it’s actually from 2011. “Change Your Life” on the other hand sounds more contemporary.   It has a hymn-like quality to it.  It’s very serene.

GAUGE_0003“December” sounds almost as if it was recorded live.  I’ll point out MacLeod’s excellent picking skills here.  He lets his fingers speak.  Then, the song “Hero” sounds like something that would be excellent in an electric band format.  It boasts big verses and a catchy acoustic riff.  “The Trickster” is whimsical and lullaby-like.  MacLeod lends it a theatrical flair with his expressive voice, which seems to change from song to song.  The funny thing about that is, just as I’m really getting into all the different voices he can use, the very next track is called “Instrumental”, and that’s exactly what it is.  It’s also just lovely.  “Stop” is delicate, much like the preceding instrumental.

“Another White Band” is different yet again, upbeat this time, with an incredible chorus.  Again, I can’t help but think the song would benefit from an electric version.  Then, the final track is “It Belongs to You”, a sad sounding ballad.  But check out that guitar melody and chords.  They are transcendent, to me.  There’s something pure and classic about them.

Boy, am I glad Aaron gave me this CD.  Thanks buddy.  This is one that, I suspect, is going to grow near and dear to my heart.

4.5/5 stars

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#322: Highway to Hell (RSTs Mk II: Getting More Tale)

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RECORD STORE TALES Mk II:  Getting More Tale

#322:  Highway to Hell

The big peave that I have today in my current work is my daily commute. It’s not far at all (I can do it in 10 minutes if there’s no traffic) but it can be hairy. To understand this, you would have to see the poor planning that went into the roads in Kitchener-Waterloo-Cambridge, otherwise known as the tri-cities area.

To get from work (in Cambridge) to home (in Kitchener), there are only a handful of good routes. The trick is getting across the Grand River, and there are only three nearby bridges to access. One of them is Highway 8 into town (two lanes each way but expanding), which is always in a state of construction. Another is the King St. bridge (one lane each way) and another is Fairway Road (a bit too far out of my way). Any accidents can cause jams on any of these routes, but the worst location is what I call the “sweet spot”:

The Tri-Cities "Sweet Spot"

The Tri-cities “Sweet Spot”

The “sweet spot” is on Highway 401, between Hespeler Road and Highway 8 into Kitchener. An accident there at the right time of day (3-4 o’clock) will tie up traffic going into town on any of my routes. Prior to the opening of the Fairway Road bridge, accidents there have delayed me by almost two hours (on a normally 10-15 minute drive). Add in winter weather conditions for part of the year and you’re in for a real good time.

There are accidents on my 10-15 minute drive home nearly every day. Once a month there will be an accident in the dreaded “sweet spot” causing major delays. Last week there were two in a row!  On those days, all I can do is study the traffic map, select a route and hope for the best!

When I first started this commute, all I had was a single disc CD player in my car. Each day I’d pick an album to listen to.  I only had room for one or two CDs in the car at a time.  Length didn’t matter; a Van Halen album would be perfectly fine for my commute on a good day. On a bad day however, you can count on running out of music and having to start over! Fortunately I have since switched to a couple 8 gig flash drives, avoiding traffic tie-up repeats.

On the bright side, a “sweet spot” traffic tie-up informed my review of Sloan’s The Double Cross (which I got to hear twice in one drive), during my drive home.

Other commuting misadventures that I witness on my way home, on a daily basis:

1. Motorcycle idiots passing between two cars. On the highway. Last seen on Friday last week.
2. People passing on the shoulder of the 401.
3. Being cut off in traffic, daily.
4. Idiots on cell phones.
5. Somebody in a Dodge Ram weaving in and out of traffic, trying to make it further along than anyone else, only to get stuck behind a transport truck.

These stories are not so unique. If you live in a major metropolitan area, you witness these same things too. As I progress into the RST Mk II’s, I intend to vent about traffic again in the future. (In fact, I’d like to buy a dash-cam. The video gold I could produce every day would provide endless blog fodder.)

Fortunately, music does soothe the savage beast. Rather, technology does.  Back in Record Store Part 16: Travelling Man, I stated “when you’re stuck in traffic on the 403, in a torrential downpour, listening to Winger, it still sucks pretty much as bad as it would if you weren’t listening to Winger.”  What has changed since then?   Well, I’m not driving that far for one.  GPS and Bluetooth have reduced the stress greatly.  Having 16 gig of albums in the car is also better than five cassette tapes.

What’s your favourite album for being stuck in traffic? Take it from me: Sloan’s Double Cross works really well!

VIDEOS: The Cottage in the Woods 3

WARNING:  These videos contain 0% Rock.  However the water was nice and choppy this past weekend.  In addition, I saw a cute family of ducks surfing near their nest!

“SURFIN’ BIRD!”

Enjoy the videos below.

See also:

RECORD STORE TALES Part 308: The Cottage in the Woods
The Cottage in the Woods 2

REVIEW: Helix – half-ALIVE (1998)

“Ain’t no rest for the Helix band!” – Brian Vollmer

HELIX – half-ALIVE (1998 DeRock)

The 90’s weren’t a kind decade to Helix. Longtime guitarist Paul Hackman was killed in a 1992 auto accident. Without any Helix tracks written for a new album, Brian Vollmer chose to reconceive his in-the-works solo album as a Helix one, It’s a Business Doing Pleasure. The largely acoustic leanings of that (excellent) album didn’t fit with the overall Helix sound, and the album was tragically ignored. It would be five years before half-ALIVE finally followed it.

With their original heavy rock sound intact, Helix came roaring back with this mostly live, partly studio recording. With some live gigs recorded, as well as a handful of unreleased and unfinished new songs, half-ALIVE maybe should have been called one-third-ALIVE. Either way, it rocks. If you’ve seen this band live, then you know how much they kick it on stage.

HELIX HA_0003

After the death of Paul Hackman, it seemed like Helix became more a “project” than a band, with rotating members around the nucleus of Brian Vollmer (vocals) and Daryl Gray (bass). On half-ALIVE, you will hear appearances from members such as Greg “Fritz” Hinz (drums), Paul Hackman and Dr. Doerner (guitars), and even a song written by Mike Uzelac, their bass player when they signed to Capitol Records  (who was actually a missing person for a long time). In addition, newer members like drummer Glen “Archie” Gamble and guitarists Denny Balicki, Gary Borden, Rick Mead and Mark Chichkan all contribute. These guys helped keep Helix going as a touring entity in the 90’s.  Gamble in particular, since he was in the band for almost a whole decade.

Could the Helix of the 90’s cut it as much as the classic 80’s band? The five studio tracks roar “yes”! A far cry from the acoustic rock of It’s a Business Doing Pleasure, this is a return to the hard rock/metal sounds of Walkin’ the Razor’s Edge. Best tracks among the studio crop are “Wrecking Ball”, Steppenwolf’s “The Pusher” and a ballad called “The Same Room” (the single).  “Big Bang Boom” is the only one I do not care for.  The rest are decent songs, not necessarily career highlights, but solid.  Of course, Vollmer’s voice is in fine form.  It always is.  No matter what Helix do on an album, you can count on Brian’s vocals sounding as they always has.  That’s his Bel Canto training.

Video shoot for the unreleased “The Same Room” clip

From there we go to the live material. Virtually all the hits are present (“Rock You”, “Running Wild In The 21st Century”, “Good To The Last Drop”, “Heavy Metal Love”, “Wild In The Streets”, etc.) There’s also a new acoustic composition called “Smile”, written and performed by Gary Borden. What really sets this live stuff apart from their studio albums is Vollmer’s friendly on-stage banter. As he relates a tale of staying in a hotel in Seaforth Ontario (population at the time: less than 2000), you’ll laugh along, especially if you’ve been there!  Equally good is Brian’s mid-song speech in “No Rest for the Wicked”. (Hits that are missing include “The Kids are all Shakin'”.)

The live songs were taken from various tours, 1992-1997, so there are a variety of material and band members (as noted above). Yet there’s a cohesiveness that similar live albums lack. The songs are mixed together and flow seamlessly, and you really can’t hear the five years passing. The sound is hard, clear, and rocking, and begs the question: “What took them five years to release this stuff?” I guess it was circumstance.  It had nothing to do with quality, that’s for sure.  The performances are raw though, and it doesn’t sound like much in terms of overdubs was done to the recordings.

My only real complaint about this otherwise competent live album is the cheesy cover art. Up close, it kind of looks cheap and crappy. And Brian’s haircut…I’m sorry man! I’ve met Brian and he was so cool and kind, so I hate to say bad things, but yeah…I’m glad you grew your hair back man!

4/5 stars

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HELIX HA_0004Below:  Promo CD single for “The Same Room”.

VIDEO: The Cottage in the Woods 2

COLLAGE

If you missed the original story about the Cottage in the Woods, please check out Record Store Tales Part 308.

Another long weekend in Canada has come and gone.  This time we came with a side mission: visiting Condor Fine Books in Kincardine, Ontario.  We’ve been going there for years, and the owner is a really nice guy.  He has a crazy selection of old and interesting books, with a healthy section on UFOs and the paranormal.  That’s alright by me.

I hope you enjoy my latest video, with book finds and lots of scenery.

Part 308: The Cottage in the Woods (VIDEO BLOG)

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RECORD STORE TALES PART 308:  The Cottage in the Woods

As bad as the stress used to get, there was always one place I could return and truly recharge my batteries:  the cottage.

I’d pack a dozen or so CDs (tapes in the early days) and go on long walks with my Discman.  Eat some steaks.  Check out the water, rivers and funky bridges.  The phone never rang.  Heck in the early days there were no phones here.  No cable TV, no wi-fi.

Today, I created, edited and posted the video you’re about to see in one day, entirely at the cottage.  How unimaginable to me back then.

I tried to re-create the experience of being here visually — probably the most peaceful place in the world.  I hope this gives you a taste.  Enjoy

Part 277: Sales Tax

RECORD STORE TALES Part 277:  Sales Tax

Early September.  Our stores were flooded with students new and returning.  This is an exciting time for many.  For the students, it’s another exciting year at one of our local colleges or universities.  For me, it was meeting and hopefully keeping new customers.  Sometimes though, there were some customers that were just never meant to be.

I remember ringing in one used CD for a customer.  He was a young guy, a new student in town.  If you’ve ever been a young student (Lord knows I once was) sometimes you run into those that “know it all”.  I was one of those, too.  This guy was one as well.

I rang in his CD sale.

“That comes to $13.79 please,” I said as the computer calculated the Provincial Sales Tax and the Goods & Services Tax.   Some, such as people with native status cards, are exempt from PST.  Most were not and had to pay the full (then) 15% tax.  Yeah, it’s a lot.  We Canadians pay a lot of sales tax.

“Is there tax on this?” the customer asked.

“Yeah unfortunately,” I responded.

“That’s wrong,” he answered abruptly.

Not understanding his full meaning I responded sympathetically, “Yeah, I know, but what can you do.  The government’s going to take their part.”

“No, I mean that’s wrong, that’s not correct.  You can’t charge tax on a used CD.”

Hooboy.  I don’t know where this guy came from, but he’d obviously never bought a used CD before.  I tried to explain, as a line began to form behind him.

“We have to charge tax on a used CD, because the government’s going to collect it from us whether we want it or not,” I said.  “We’ve been selling used CDs in this province for over five years now, and reporting it to Revenue Canada.  Believe me, if we didn’t they’d be in here pretty quick with a nice audit.”

He appeared stubbornly stumped.  Not understanding the concept of sales tax applied to the end-user, he repeated “That’s not right.  A used CD isn’t the same as a used car.  You can’t charge sales tax on a used CD.”

At this point I didn’t have much else left to add.  “Well, you can certainly check this out for yourself, but every used CD store here in town charges PST and GST on every used CD they sell.”  I fibbed slightly; there’s a store in uptown Waterloo called the Orange Monkey that seemed semi-legit at best.  They had no cash register, no debit machine, and charged no tax on anything in their store.  I don’t know how they did it.  Leaving them out of the equation, I continued.  “Every used CD store I’ve been to in this province has charged me sales tax on every CD.”

“This is really irregular,” he said frustratingly as he finally paid for his CD.

It might be irregular, but all used CD stores in this province still charge sales tax on used goods.  That’s a fact Jack!

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BOOK REVIEW: Brian Vollmer – Gimme An R! (2005)

BRIAN VOLLMER – Gimme An R!
The story of Brian Vollmer, lead vocalist of Helix
(2005)

Forget all those books by the mega stars like Slash and Sammy Hagar that have come out in recent years. Those books have one thing in common — they were written (or co-written, anyway) by guys who are rock superstars! Megastars! It’s hard for me as a reader to relate to a guy who hasn’t had to hold down a job in 30 years. Not that there’s anything wrong with stardom, it’s just an observation.  I can’t relate to the human beings.   Not so with this book!

Brian Vollmer, lead vocalist of the hardest working band in Canada (that would be Helix), comes across as a pretty regular guy.  (I’ve met him a number of times, and he’s about as regular as anybody you’d know.)  Yes, he’s traveled the world in a rock band and played for thousands of people, but at the end of the day the book is something I can still relate to. Through crappy jobs in crappy convenience stores, crappy apartments, getting mugged, it doesn’t seem like a rock star’s life.  There are parallels in the story similar to other bands such as Anvil (another hard-working Canadian band). While Vollmer always manages to scrape by and continue to Rock Us, nothing comes easy.  Incredibly through it all Brian Vollmer never really stopped being an artist.  He seemed to always keep music, and Helix in his life even after dozens of lineup changes and band members.  (Approximately 35 people have been in Helix since 1974.  The newest member is Cambridge’s Chris Julke, replacing John Claus.)

From humble beginnings in Listowel Ontario to playing in Sweden, England and Trinidad, Vollmer’s tome has plenty of rock and roll stories. As one of the first Canadian bands to release independent albums in the 1970’s, he was a bit of a pioneer. Gimme An R! is loaded with rock star encounters one after the other, from Eddie Van Halen (on stage!) to Gene Simmons.  Vollmer remains himself through it all, even after Helix signed their big deal with Capitol and released “Rock You”.  The tragic death of primary co-writer Paul Hackman nearly derailed the band.  Even after the departures of longtime partners Brent Doerner, Fritz Hinz, and finally Daryl Gray, Brian kept going.  He kept the Helix name alive, finding success on the internet which was a brand new way for him to make contact, and sell albums directly to his fans.  Then, a little TV show called Trailer Park Boys helped expose Helix to a new audience.


Included between the covers are dozens of black and white photos of the band over the years.  From small-town Ontario to meeting superstars like Richard Pryor and Robin Williams, it’s a pretty cool collection of snaps. Unfortunately while reading I found myself distracted by spelling errors — “Atlantis Morissette” for example.  I would like to see a second printing that corrects these mistakes.  (A new chapter on the last decade would be cool too Brian!)

Vollmer’s prose is not frilly or poetic, but it’s conversational and descriptive.  There’s no ghost writer, so the pictures that Brian paints of all those seedy bars in the dead of winter come straight from his memory to the page.  He’s a great storyteller.  The bottom line is that the story of Helix keeps you hooked.  I’ve had friends come over and pick up the book, and they just get entranced. It’s a really different side of the rock and roll tales.  It shows what old fashioned determination and hard work can accomplish.

I have to knock off half a star for the spelling errors. It’s just one of those pet peeves — nothing personal, Brian!  I do highly recommend it Gimme An R! to rock fans world wide who’d like a different, more humble angle on the whole rock star thing.

4.5/5 stars

WTF Search Terms: Unsolved Mysteries edition

WTF Search Terms XIV:  Unsolved Mysteries edition

Welcome back to WTF Search Terms.  Below you will find 10 phrases that people typed into a search engine like Google, which somehow took them to mikeladano.com.  The 10 terms below have one thing in common:  I have no idea what the answers would be.  If you can help out these people, post your knowledge in the comment section, or these may forever remain unsolved mysteries!  Enjoy.

ritchie blackmore private life

puff daddy’s embarring habit

michael jones’ ebay wealth

perks of living in san diego

make a wooden cassette box

solo pizza commercial tania creighton-castillo

knuckle dtaggers bikers kincardine ontario

dreadlocks security guard manchester

gorge and martin and elile and alice and donss facebook

what id the dimond sign minr when jazz and lebrain put it up in the

For more WTFs, click here!  Subscribe so you’ll never miss one again.

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