snowman

The Writer’s Room: Snowman’s Gambit

Continued from Return of the Snowman

There he stood, in the flesh! John T. Snow had returned from whence he came, through a bright orange multiversal portal. He looked exactly the same as the day he vanished. Meanwhile, his friends in the Writer’s Room all had dark circles under their eyes from sheer worry. But worry no more, now that the Snowman was back! All their troubles were now over.

“Snowman!” shouted Mike as he ran in for an embrace. “What happened?”

Everyone crowded around John Snow. Harrison, Aaron and the 80s Metal Man all bore down for hugs.

“Easy guys! I haven’t been gone that long!” laughed the Snowman amidst the hugs.

“You were gone three weeks man!” answered Aaron. “We were worried sick!”

“That we were,” continued the 80s Metal Man. “We were having a meeting about it just now. The police considered us all suspects in your disappearance.”

“And I’m already on the phone with them,” concluded Harrison. “I’m glad I’m not going to prison for a crime I didn’t commit.”

“You’re from a colony of prisoners!” joked Holen from his Zoom monitor. “I’m just kidding. Welcome back Snowman!”

“Thanks Holen! What did I miss?” said Snow as he took his corner seat at the Writer’s Table.

“You missed a lot…you’re just going to sit and continue where you left off?” asked Mike incredulously.

“I’ve only been gone 10 minutes,” said Snow. “By my time, anyway. See?” Snow showed his phone to everyone. Indeed, the time and date were only 10 minutes off from when he disappeared. “Now hand me some Simmons cola! Let’s get writing!”

“Not yet!” said the first cop entering the room. “We have some questions here for Mr. Houdini! How the hell did you get back in this room?”

“Officers, we will let you have the room to complete your investigation. We’ll be waiting outside.” Mike, Aaron, Harrison and Metal Man all filed out of the room and waited patiently for the police to finish their investigation and clear them of any wrongdoing.

It was several hours, and the writers were all tired when the police finally emerged from the room. The head cop went to talk to Mike.

“He’s not talking,” said the cop. “Nothing but gibberish about a portal, and having drinks with Elvis Presley, Bruce Lee and Liberace before returning. That’s all we can get out of him. Fortunately for you, the missing persons case is now closed. You are in the clear…but we will be keeping a close eye on the Writer’s Room. Good day sir.”

With that, the police were on their way out while the writers returned to the table. Snowman was sitting there sipping on a Simmons cola, with a huge smile on his face.

“John…” asked Mike as he took his seat. “Are you going to tell us what happened?”

“What did the cops tell you?” asked John as he sipped. “That I had drinks with Elvis, Liberace and Bruce Lee on a beach somewhere?”

“That’s exactly what they told us,” answered Aaron, “Which I don’t need to tell you is impossible.”

“Well, that’s where I was! The multiverse is great!” answered John. “And it’s all real!”

Harrison harrumphed. “I return to my point from our last meeting. It’s time to shut the Adventures of Tee Bone Man down. This is getting out of hand.”

80s Metal Man urged caution. “I advise we continue,” he said. “We have no evidence that anything bad has happened to anyone.”

“I don’t know about that,” said Holen from his monitor. “The reports I’m reading on the Dark Web indicate these portals are still opening all over the world.”

“But there’s no evidence that anything is connected to us,” countered the Metal Man.

“I’d say it’s too big to be a coincidence. Orange portals, just like in our stories? What harm can come from us stopping?” asked Aaron.

“Oh, we can’t stop!” said John Snow. “It’s too much fun to stop! We have to keep writing, and writing, and writing until the very end!”

“I call a vote,” said Mike as he stood. “There are six of us. In the case of a tie, I will be the deciding vote.” He then turned to look at the stoic Harrison. “Your vote, Harrison?”

“Shut it down,” he answered.

“I vote to shut it down as well,” answered Aaron.

“I still advise caution,” said the Metal Man. “Let’s keep going, I don’t believe there is any harm in us continuing.”

“I say shut it down,” said Holen from the monitors. “The portal reports worldwide are growing.”

“And I say let’s goooooooo!” screamed the Snowman. “I have so many ideas! We should be writing right now, not debating!”

Mike placed his head in his hands. He was hoping to avoid deciding this vote himself.

“I guess it’s my call. I really…I guess I don’t see any harm in continuing the story. It’s just words. I can’t explain what happened, but I also don’t think it’s connected to Tee Bone Man. If anything it’s a coincidence. Let’s continue.”

“I have a bad feeling about this,” said Harrison, “but very well. Who has the next story idea?”

“I do!!” screamed John T. Snow. “I have the best idea!”

“OK, well, out with it Snowman,” said Mike. “Let’s change the mood at this table and start getting creative.”

“Here’s my idea!” screamed John. “Remember how we killed off Brainiac and Edie Van Heelin’ last year?”

“Yeah…” said Mike cautiously. “Best story arc from the Squirrel Saga was killing off those two characters. But we did that, due to California Girl quitting our story, and my feelings towards her. We had a reason to kill them both, to get that mess behind us.”

“Right!” said Snow. “And you yourself told me you think the current Multiverse Saga is getting messy and hard to follow, right?”

“I did say that once or twice,” answered Mike. “But I think we have a handle on it now.”

“Here’s my idea,” continued an enthusiastic Snow. “I say…we kill off Tee Bone Man next!”

Harrison stood. “We can’t! He’s our main character!”

“We have plenty of main characters!” screamed Snow. “You have a whole team of them, and you already killed off two of the biggest ones! Let’s kill Tee Bone Man! Let’s do it! Nobody can stop us from doing it!”

80s Metal Man responded. “I honestly don’t know why you want to kill our main character. Are you feeling OK, John? You seem different since returning.”

John T. Snow reacted with a huge laugh. “Of course I seem different! I just met Elvis! And loads of other characters too!” He scratched a spot on the back of his head repeatedly. “I just know it’s a great idea! Sales will go up double per issue, I guarantee it! It’s a comic book classic gimmick! Kill Tee Bone Man! Let’s do it!”

Aaron looked befuddled next to John. He couldn’t help but notice Snowman scratching the spot on his head. He stood to speak.

“I know some of us are bursting with creative energy right now,” said Aaron. “And that’s great. But I think we should call it a day, and re-convene another day. The rest of us here are clearly exhausted. Let’s not do anything until we’re all feeling rested.”

“I agree,” said Mike. “John, head home to your family. The rest of us will do the same. We’ll talk later.”

Everyone stood and hugged John. They filed out of the room one by one, each on his way back home. Everyone but Mike. He sat alone in the silent room.

“I have a bad feeling about this too,” he sighed. “Why does he want us to kill off Tee Bone Man? I don’t understand. It’s almost as if…” he paused. The next thought was too ridiculous to entertain. “It’s almost as if…someone wants Tee Bone Man to lose.”

Mike stood to leave.

“But who would want that?”

Somewhere out in the vast multiverse, a mechanical planet glowed in the cosmic background. A planet made of metal.

“But who would want Tee Bone Man to lose?”

Mike’s words echoed through the portals of time, down to the mechanical planet below.

“I would…” came a deep, throbbing voice. “I would like that very much…”

TO BE CONTINUED…

 

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE ONE – THE SQUIRREL SAGA 

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE TWO – THE MULTIVERSE SAGA

 

 

THE COMPLETE ADVENTURES OF EDIE VAN HEELIN’

THE WRITER’S ROOM

The Writer’s Room: Return of the Snowman

Continued from The Writer’s Room:  New Year’s Grieve!

 

“Hey guys,” said Mike as he entered the Writer’s Room.  The sullen faces of Harrison, Aaron, and the Metal Man looked back at him.  Missing, however, was their companion John Snow.  How should Mike begin?

“How should I begin?” he asked rhetorically.  “Last time we all met up, our friend John T. Snow was kidnapped through a multiversal portal.  You all saw it.  It was like our stories come to life.”

There was muttering around the table.  Troubled muttering from the smaller group of friends.  It was Harrison who brought the table to order.

“I don’t understand,” he said with unusual worry in his voice.  “It was as if my own Lego art had come to life.  The orange portal.  It opened right behind John.  Then I saw a pair of hands snatch him away as he screamed for help.”

“I saw it too,” said Aaron.  “I still can’t believe my eyes.”

“Nor I mine,” agreed the Metal Man.  “I am worried about the fabric of our reality.”

“What’s the latest report from the police?” asked Harrison of Mike.

“Where do I begin…again?” signed Mike.  “Both Canadian and American police forces are still looking at all of us as suspects.  They have the video footage from Holen’s webcam.  They all saw what happened.  They just don’t believe it.  And I can’t blame them.  To them, all they know is an American citizen walked into this room and never walked out.  And we were the only people to witness it.”

As if on cue, Holen’s monitor came to life.  As usual, his image was distorted and noisy, but that only added to his sense of mystique.

“Hey guys,” he greeted the table.  “Sorry I’m late.  I’ve been working and I have news.”

“Holen, thank goodness, please, tell us,” said Mike to the screen.

“Well,” began Holen, “I have done some digging around the Dark Web, and I can tell you something very interesting.  These orange portals…it was not an isolated incident.  There are 14 reports from 11 different countries, of similar phenomenon.  A bright, orange, circular portal opens and someone or something emerges from the other side.  Now, this is where the reports start to differ wildly and we must be scrutinous.  Some people reported robots coming through.  Others saw Satan himself.  One guy claimed that Elvis, Bruce Lee and Liberace were on the other side, drinking margaritas.  I think we can discount that one.  But here’s the thing guys.  Five of the reports could be interpreted to include characters from our stories.  I’m not kidding.”

There were gasps.  A few jaws on the floor.

“Go on Holen.  Which characters?” asked Metal Man.

“Satan is one.  The robot is two – relating to a story that Harrison and Mike are writing.  Tommy Lee appears in one report, that’s three.  A monster resembling our parademons was sketched by another witness.  And finally…finally…”  Holen paused.  “Well, see for yourself.”  Holen put the image from the report on the screen.

“That’s…that’s…” said Mike in awe.

“Yes.  It is.  A clean-shaven Harrison Kopp,” finished Holen.  “Just like our character of Shinzon.  A character we invented.  Or rather, a character Mike invented.  And now here he is in a portal report from, you guessed it, Australia.”

“Impossible!” said Mike, pounding his fist on the table in frustration.  “Impossible!”

“But there it is,” said a solemn Holen.

The usual stoic Harrison was rattled.  He was clearly shaken by the image before him.  He hadn’t seen himself clean shaven since he was a child.  He hardly recognized himself…but he did.

“I elect we shut down the Adventures of Tee Bone Man immediately,” said Harrison, very quietly.  “This has gotten out of hand.  We are meddling with powers greater than that dreamed of in our philosophy.  If what we are writing becomes real…well, it’s all over.”

Mike turned white as a ghost.

“Harrison…it’s not real.  He’s not real.  The Eater of Worlds.  He’s not real,” cautioned Mike.

“But what if he is?” asked Harrison without a hint of rhetoric.  “We have to consider the possible.”

Aaron raised his hands.  “Excuse me.  Who’s the Eater of Worlds?”

“He’s the Big Bad at the end of the Multiverse Saga of Tee Bone Man,” answered Mike.  “We stole a character from another franchise to be our villain behind everything.”

“Like Galactus?” asked Aaron.

“Like Galactus, yes,” answered Mike.  “But he’s not real.  He’s a character they invented back in the mid-80’s to sell toys to kids.  He’s not real!”

“But if he was…” said Harrison in the most ominous voice anyone had ever heard from him, “…he would be our ultimate doom.”

Mike got a shiver up his back.  But it was impossible.  They were just a group of friends, making up a story.  None of it was real.  In real life, Tee Bone was just a guy, a nice guy who didn’t fly or battle dragons.  John T. Snow…was just a guy who collected music; he wasn’t an eccentric billionaire.  How could these characters they were writing about be appearing in real life places?

Metal Man spoke in a calm, rational voice.  “It could be these are all just coincidences.  I think for now, we should discount them, and return our focus to the search for John Snow.  Has anyone resembling him or Richard Dreyfuss appeared in your searches, Holen?”

“I hadn’t thought of searching for Dreyfuss sightings.  Let me run a few keywords,” said the image on the monitor.

Aaron sat silent, solemnly waiting.  Not a single “Wahoo!” or “Give’r!” from him this time.  He then spoke.  “I have to be honest, I’m more worried about John than I am of the suspicious cops, thinking we did it.  We didn’t, and there’s no evidence.  We’ll be fine.  But John…I saw him disappear!  Before my eyes!  I’ve never seen anything like it and I hope he’s OK.”

Suddenly Holen spoke.  “Guys…we just had a Dreyfuss sighting.”  Holen pointed from his screen, to a point behind the men sitting at the table.  They all turned, and looked.

“Hi guys,” said a voice as a man stepped out of an orange portal.  “I’m back!”

The Richard Dreyfuss lookalike waved and smiled.  The orange portal closed behind.  John T. Snow was back!

TO BE CONTINUED…

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE ONE – THE SQUIRREL SAGA 

THE ADVENTURES OF TEE BONE MAN:  PHASE TWO – THE MULTIVERSE SAGA

 

 

THE COMPLETE ADVENTURES OF EDIE VAN HEELIN’

THE WRITER’S ROOM

Sunday Scary!

I hope you had a great Halloween.  Did you have good fright?  If not, check out that picture.  I was leaving my office one day and this snow man was just…standing there…in a doorway.  Chilling!